Spaniel dog breeder:
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Then showers and dresses by its:
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
(But size isn't everything)
Dachshund making critcal life choices:
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Reared in a loving environnment, she was a rather:
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
To commemorate her frequent (and often rowdy) visits to N.O. a streetcar was renamed the:
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Now a celebrity, he even had an entourage of nubile young female beagles named:
Eventually, he met his soul mate, married her in Westminster Abbey and it is rumored that they engaged in numerous and somewhat kinky sessions of:
He wondered if his verse was made for fools
and cretins that splish-splash alongside whales
composing dull sonnets was chased by bulls
- by elegant giraffes and racing snails.
Amid the chickens in his country cot,
while gulping bourbon the pig-farmer writes
his scribble verse turns to an artless blot
and straight he gulps one more for his insights
Oh, detrimental muse of his confused,
absconding inspiration that evades
his talent which was alcohol-abused,
and like the content of each bottle, fades:
......Inspiring advent of a healthy burp
made pigs and chickens to comment "superb"!
© G. V. 06-27-2013 All rights reserved
Sponsor: Judy Konos
Contest Name: The Lazy Contest
I once had a frog named Ribbit
I was headed to school he croaked, "skip it"
I thought this is insane
When my frog called me by name
I tried to tell others but they wouldn't hear it
So I went to a psychic to get advice
My frog interrupted and ask her real nice
Will I have happiness or sorrow
What will happen on the morrow
Show us that you're worth the high price
She said, Oh I see you with a beautiful lass
She'll be checking out your shiny green a--
Her eyes will be glued to you
Yeah, she can't wait to tear into you
You'll be on pins and needles in her Biology class
Contest: Carol's "Animal Alive"
Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living
-honestly...I have no clue why...-
As I began to rest in my fickle dream
Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep
I was greeted by many a whisker
And petulant snores from my sister
The cat mewed ferociously and purred
For there on the other side of the window—was a bird!
It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass!
And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass
Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm
I swear my bosom was gone!
The cat then motioned at the feathered brat
For her bright breasts seemed extra fat
Of course it wouldn’t have been that
But I couldn’t just blame the cat!
I opened the window only a crack
And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?”
Such pride she attained from my bosom
Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!?
The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye
But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly!
She plopped to the ground and squawked
I would have laughed, but I was shocked!
The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes
Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!”
Before I could think I had fallen to the ground
To a booming, most terrible sound!
My eyes then opened to a cat on my head
As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed
I do not know?
Beware of wolves in sheepskins
My what clever wolves
I wonder if the sheep could pass as wolves
Perhaps they could go to Wolves R Us
I've heard of a Fox in a Hen House
I wonder if a Hen ever visits a Fox House
Who was the idiot that let the Bull loose
The china shop will never be the same
I also wonder why so many Bull remain
Especially with all the politicians shooting Bull
I was so busy I had no time to get ready for my trip
So I invited a pack Rat over to help get me organized
My house boat started to sink and he was the first to leave
It started to rain Cats and Dogs
I think I need a better umbrella
He told me I could get there as the crow flies
I think he lied, my arms are tired and I'm still here
I thought I would become my own boss
This Monkey Business is tougher than I expected
My inventory is eating up all my profits
All my clothing shrank when I came in from the rain
I have to admit I felt a little Sheepish
The judge asked him to pronounce his own sentence
He asked if he could be Hung like a Horse
All my friends call me Eagle Eye
I like that so much better than Cyclops
I would be much happier if I had two eyes
I hope you all enjoyed the trip to the Funny Farm
All the animals here are crackers
Silly Billy went along to the zoo
Right after he had the flu
That day the whole sky was blue
And he carried along his teddy Pooh
Silly Billy love walking to the park every day
He love watching the clouds in the sky,
Silly Billy was just a regular kid too
And he had a lot of friends at school like you.
Silly Billy best friends were Sue and his Pooh,
So when his parents took him to the zoo,
He was so happy to bring along his Pooh,
And show him all the places to see.
Silly Billy wanted to see everything in the zoo,
Starting with: the bears, the tigers, and all the monkeys too.
Silly Billy asked his dad to let him feed all the animals you see,
But his dad told him, he couldn't do that, 'cause that was a wrong thing to do.
Silly Billy loved all the animals in the zoo
He was so happy to have spent there the day
He had so much fun enjoying all the view
His father promised him to bring back another day.
Silly Billy went back home content with his Pooh,
He gave a big hug to his mom and his dad that day;
The day was still beautiful but was almost through
Silly Billy smiled and looked up at the sky still blue.
Silly Billy went along to the zoo
Right after he had the flu
Silly Billy went along to the zoo
With his family and his teddy Pooh.
Dorian Petersen Potter
October, 5, 2014
These are just for fun...I am trying my hand at them!
DROMEDARY'S NAIL POLISH
SMALL UNSENTIMENTAL HORSE
WILD DOG LANGUAGE
HOG'S MUSIC PLAY DATE
FELINE HEAD WEAR
Seeing the posting of the zoo unicorn
Could not wait to go see his horn
My eyes just could not believe
The boy I had been deceived
Poor horse got thrown a lot of popcorn
a Linda-Marie = (contest) =
-Bunny Hole- by:SKAT
hidden muddy home
dirty paws, good boy' good boy!
yummy with carrots :)
-Unwanted Fluffiness- by:PD
Big Brown Burlap Bag
drop Bunnies down By the Bay
Better off -Blue grave
~SKAT & PD~
Looking out the barn door in our back yard
I watched a deer run through our cow field,
acting like cow pies were mine fields.
He appeared not to like cows
and seemed to plug his nose
by lifting fat lips
to block nostrils
for this fine beast.
He kept on running
lips flapping in the air
making funny bubbly sounds,
purposely or not, I'm not sure
But one thing I do know for certain.
This was the strangest deer I've ever seen.
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
For Shadow Hamilton's Contest
Double Reverse Etheree
Why do I love you?
When I look into your face
Your teeth are too big,
That nose is extremely long.
Yet all I want in a dog.
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
How many Guinea Pigs can you see?
Is it one, or two, or maybe three?
There's Honey and Sweetie, and Old Master Monty,
He ogles the girls 'till his eyes go quite wonky.
As to which one's the best, we just can't agree
'Cos they all belong to my sister and me
They live out of doors in a house made by Dad,
It's lovely and posh, the best they could have
A bit like on holiday when your' van's been delayed
They shout, "on the house", A PLATINUM UPGRADE.
For having to wait, It's totally free
We're both very grateful, my sister and me.
We all love those Guinea Pigs, of that there's no doubt, But when it comes to cleaning them out
We both try pretending it's the other one's turn
We go for the wind up but we both need to learn
That nothing worth having ever comes easily,
And one day we'll get there, my sister and me.
How long do you think there'll be only three?
Suppose they gave babies, like a real family.
There'll be hundreds of Poohs and thousands of wee's
I hope they don't do it on the brand new settee
Old Master Monty will be as proud as can be
As he blinks a sly wink at my sister and me.
Hear it chugging and tasle
The sun has gone down
Twilight, is still not dark
Small steps ... chugging and tasle
The dog is standing still
Sniffing and listening
Sounds comes closer
A small ball comes out of the bushes
My favorite toy, the dog thinking
Sticking her nose up ..... but ...
The ball is full of sticking spines
it makes a hissing sound
Hedgehog will not play with the dog
A-L Andresen :) - This is my dog "Maya" :))
(5th in the contest)
I was scrambling through the forest floor,
rambling all around the underbrush,
searching for acorns and pine cone nuts.
I am on a brand spanking newfangled diet,
much more better suited for mice and rats,
which assures me a healthier physical mainframe.
While sitting on a stinking rotten tree stump,
taking a short respite, I spotted a pair of unicorns.
To my great surprise, the male was blue and the female pink.
To my chagrin, I had not brought a camera,
so I was unable to accurately record
this most momentous of discoveries.
I did my very dang best to stay sight unseen,
but I guess the pair spotted me and in a flash
the two majestic unicorns were long gone.
I quickly scurried back home and told my whole family
all about the pair of awesome unicorns I had spotted.
No one believed me and they placed me in a mental facility.
I explained to the psychiatrist in great detail all I had seen.
He slowly and sternly told me I must have been hallucinating,
because it is a settled scientific fact that all unicorns are orange.
As children are
They all want a pet
I wanted a horse
My little sister wanted a pony
Our parents compromised
They got us a goldfish
Of course we had to name our new pet
We compromised yet again and called him
Now turtle would spend hours and hours
Running and jumping around an around in his watery fields
A very fast Turtle he was
We decided to film our little turtle and so we did
The show off would make jokes and acrobats
Turns out he was a real comedian
(also an expert at cards, especially Go Fish)
To out surprise, an evil man didn’t like our wee turtle
Why he called him a darn little monkey
He said he would shatter our fish bowl
Well he called it a Monkey bowel
Then one day we saw something miraculous
A second gold fish
Turns out he was a she
Happily now my sister and I both had pets
She a wee little pony and me
A great big beautiful black stallion
She name her Pony Grasshopper
So worried she was, that the evil man from far away
Would do great harm to us, Grasshopper and Turtle
She said we should get on our pony and horse
And ride away on the ocean, far away and safe
Then all of a sudden, our neighbors Korean Siamese cat jumped
Right through the window, and right smack into the fish bowl
Poor Turtle and Grasshopper, all over the floor
My sister cried her little heart out that day
From that moment forward, I just could never get myself
To drink Orange crush again
Heard them say that I’m off to the vet
It’s for my annual booster you bet
He is fetching the lead
Here he comes yes indeed
And into the car I do get
I do not like the car very much
Travel sickness I get just a touch
If they take me to far
I’ll be sick in this car
But I just can’t help it as such
We arrive at the vets safe and sound
I drag slowly for this I have found
It’s a waste of time
Going to the vets is a crime
I’d rather be back in the pound
Now there putting me on the scale
The nurse says I’m as fat as a whale
This is no fun
I just want to run
But alas I must sit on my tail
At last I’m led into that room
I know that it not for a groom
They lift me on the table
For to climb I’m not able
At last I fear it is doom
The vet has moved round behind
That thermometer looks none to kind
He says it won’t hurt
In a manner that’s curt
Now the thermometer they cannot find
Next it’s the jab in the neck
I could bite him but what the heck
It’s all over now
It’s much worse for a cow
As I leave the surgery I wreck
Then just as I’m off to the door
I hear the vet say one thing more
He needs more exercise
To decrease his size
To hell with that that’s for sure
So back in the car to go home
I feel my mouth starting to foam
Then I’m sick on the floor
Someone open the door
In this car I just hate to roam
Now free of the car I need the loo
The fresh green grass will do
As I open my bowel
The smell is quite fowl
The thermometers there in my pooh
So home again I will take to my chair
Relax and unwind as is fair
Too much stress for today
Just want to sleep and lay
For the exercise I just do not care
So my trip to the vet I’ve relayed
My owner took me and has paid
So leave me in peace
All wrapped up in my fleece
For my sleep has to long been delayed
Farmer Dan, was a gambling man, who loved to play at some cards;
So to beat the band, he tried his hand, at the other farm yards.
On one day, he struck pay day, at the home of good farmer Dow,
And walked away, with some hay, plus a seven foot tall beef cow.
Dan looked so small, beside his large haul, as they sauntered back home;
But above all, Dan was feeling tall, and called his new cow, Gnome.
Dan had the urge, to try and scourge, more farmers for some winnings,
And if he surged, he’d go splurge, with pockets that would be brimming.
His plan worked, as he clean and jerked, all kinds of swag from his friends;
Yet they were irked, and went berserk, wanting Dan to make amends.
So farmer Dow, wiped his wet brow, and sought one last game from Dan;
Though he kowtowed, he couldn’t wow, the farmers to join his plan.
Dow demanded, a game two handed, to settle up the score,
Plus he planned, to wager his land, for Gnome and quite a bit more.
Each was praying, because to stay in, they had to raise the stakes.
It goes without saying, they were playing, for more than just ‘High Steaks’.
What does the ape say?
“Although I too walk upright,
I get no respect.”
What does the cow say?
“Don’t touch my teats you pervert.
I will call the cops.”
Why does the ape dance?
Because he has a hot date
with a chimpanzee.
I ordered French fries for my alligator,
But he stated,
“I’ll eat them later.”
So I spoke up to the waiting waiter,
And said, “Please do me a favor.
Go and take the taters
Out of the fry-o-later.”
Then the waiter intently tried to hawk,
Soup in a crock
For the hungry croc.
But my gator didn’t like the knock
Of being called a dumb old croc.
“My pal is not a schlock,
So, no, to swill in a crock.”
The waiter whose name tag stated, Lyle,
Said without a smile,
“We only serve crocodiles.”
“Why the change, I asked Lyle?
We do not like this style.
A gator is a fine reptile;
Much better than a crocodile.”
So we stared into the waiter’s eyes,
That waiter’s guise.
That’s when my gator improvised
By catching Lyle by surprise.
He gulped him down, though oversized
Yet, much more filling than French fries
" How do you do?" "My name is Merl."
I'm not a tree rat; I'm a squirrel.
To hunters, I'm screamin,
"Please eat more chicken!"
"Never mind, you shoot like a girl."
I should build my nest in a tree
but your attic looks better to me.
A fight? It's your call.
I'm a little buzz saw.
Remember; nuts are my favorite treat!
July 15, 2014
Contest: Animals Alive
Sponsor: Carol Eastman
PIGS GO OINK
COWS GO MOO
GHOSTS SAY BOO
HORSE GOES NEIGH
BUT WHAT DOES THE TURTLE SAY?
BIRD WINGS GO FLIP FLAP
FISH FINS GO SPLISH SPLASH
HORSE HOOFS GO CLIP CLOP
SNAKE BELLY GOES SLITHER
SANTA CLAUSE SAYS HO HO HO
BUT WHAT’S THE SOUND OF THE CAMEL TOE?
WHAT DAY IS IT?
EVERYDAY IS HUMP DAY
The cat wore a hat
and scared the rat ,
it looked very weird ,
because it even had a beard .
In loving memory of Jones,
The best duck I've known.
My pet and friend since I was four.
For a bird, he was dear;
I wish he was here
So that he and I could do more.
What does the pig say?
“I am a little bit plump,
I am not chubby.”
What does the frog say?
“I eat bugs. You eat my legs.
You must be crazy!”
Dragon loves his penguins! Oh that we know quite well.
So…Dragon ask for their own little, silver, fire retardant, suits, do tell!
Oh Lord A Mercy! The little penguins dress up sooo very cute, too!
But leave it to our government, to get mixed up, as a spy drone, flew thru!
Yep, The Men in Black, were at our door, to pick the, little aliens up!
Now remember this is division 6, they follow orders, right or wrong.
And do you know any Bureaucracy that can solve a problem, once it’s made?
When we proved they were our penguins, and they weren’t from outer space…
They gave their crazy orders to the INF for deportation as foreigners, anyway.
We THEN had to get them working visas, for our illustrious, and bountiful zoo.
But you know bureaucracies when they get started, they do, whatever, they must do.
So they passed the orders along to the NSA to investigate the penguins, right away.
A full fledge investigation went on, to make sure they’re not terrorists, in any way.
Homeland security, now, had to add their names upon their proverbial, no fly, list.
The CIA was slow, to join into the fray, but once they got started! What can I say?
Don’t forget they now felt, their toes, had been thoroughly tromped upon, this day!
Honestly! All I wanted to do, by now… Was to get the heck OUT OF TOWN!
But, we had to follow protocol’s yellow tape, all the way, slowly, down the line!
Our mayor’s nose was out of joint, as no one listened to him, along the way.
But the Governor was in his element, so to save them from being whisk away…
He sent their case directly to the State Supreme Court, where bail could be made!
Here nothing could be decided upon, since they aren’t human, so then we were sent…
To the highest court in the land! But the Constitution was foggy, on this bent.
So Congress wrote a bill, to give Constitutional rights to the penguins, everyone!
A loophole, became evident, on granting citizenship cause they’re animals, You all!
Until, The President, with a stroke of his pen on an Executive Order…
Granted Zoo Citizenship… So at this point we were finally able to go back home!
And remember, those cute little silver fire retardant suits… They fit into!
They were thrown into the trash can! As we hid from more, snooping satellites, too.
Spying had started the whole thing, and from buying so much fire retardant cloth!
What can I say? Got to love a government that can protect us… from ourselves!
As you run
Legs and hips
You turn around
Well shaped rear