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Free Verse Funny Poems | Free Verse Poems About Funny

These Free Verse Funny poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Free Verse Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

I want your SEEDS

**"And his name was Jack"**

No one perceives what abides above the clouds. 
A giant, a harp, maybe golden eggs. 
I demand to see and feel, before I believe. 
A castle, a dream…. I want the magic beans!!!
~~~


I'm the daughter of a farmer. 
I have a donkey to ride, a story to tell.
“Jack and the Beanstalk”; my favorite tale. 
 
Once upon, a morbid dawn. 
I inhale a tiny simple yawn~ I levitate like the sun. 
I head out the door, towards the markets shore.
I grabbed my ass to stroll along the open path. 
My shoes aim out to the nearest creek. 
My ass and I desired a drink. 
There I saw an old Englishman, sitting on a log. 
It looked as if time was approaching his brink. 
In his hand, he had a sack.
A bag, a bag, embroil of ivory and black. 
His eyes were not from this ground. 
His body fragile, he uttered a moaning sound.
He was of dirt. 
I was pure. 
He pledged his life to me. 
I debated.... with many thoughts, 
Although his eyes... 
My eyes... Will never meet again.
I want what is in the bag!
He said, "I'll give you anything for that ass.
My legs and bones can’t hold up on their own, no more!”
I knelt down to where he sat. 
Smelling his essence of rot. 
I reached forward and grabbed his only baggage. 
He said, "This bag is all I got!" 
 
I answered, "And this sir is a fine ass." 
He replied, "I have no cash." 
Scowling at him, “No I want your demon seeds!" 
How my blood grew thin... 
Inhaling and exhaling out his sin... 
The old man all shriveled and timeworn, 
Propose the birthright of the seeds. 
Yes, plant them! Plant them... 
I cried excitedly! 
He pats the field. 
Said there I am done. 
Now clock as it expands. 
 
To breed this story short... 
He dispense his seeds. 
AND, I GAVE HIM MY ASS. 
 
 
Lol...  BY;PD    (for seed contest)

Copyright © Poet Destroyer A | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

Sphinx Head on Mars

.                   


                     Psychological phenomenon, perhaps
                     A little dubious but still enigmatic; you know
                     Rare stimulus through our enthusiastic eyes...
                     Eyes or ears that brings awe and fear; why not?
                     Images in abstract forms, we believe in forms!
                     Designs and figures created by lazy clouds; did you get it? 
                     Or mysterious shapes, or illusions in visions...we're almost there
                     Lying on ground, marks or impressions...lying? Follow me...
                     Intimidating or inspiring? ...I think that the Sphinx Head on Mars
                     At night, only at night...it looks just like aunt Beth.



 
World English Dictionary 
Pareidolia: the imagined perception of a pattern or meaning where it does not actually exist, as in considering the moon to have human features, or religious images in windows and walls or in clouds resembling animals or faces. 

Copyright © Ruben O. | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse | |

Playing Human

the smile on my lips

is forced and coerced

I pretend to pay attention

give the best possible advice

everyone praises me

I 'm so kind, polite and nice

its all just automation

I rarely actually listen

certainly don't care

all I'm doing

is playing human

blending in

fitting in

I'm so perfectly hidden

you 'll never even

see a curtain  

from where I stand  

majoring in fronts 

put up on a pedal stool

for computing with fools

I'm so perfectly hidden 

smiling from time to time

labeling those 

with  all sincerity

open solitary

passing along an appeal

continuing to fit in

blend in

pretend

force  program 

is it just me or

am I the perfect human



for p.d's collaboration contest but I wont say who wrote what part.

Copyright © Nathan D. | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse | |

MADE IN CHINA

"Made In China"

They can have my money
If it saves me money

The toys I played with when I was young,
Says I enjoyed their hands
The Labels read 
"MADE IN CHINA"

The cheap material on my back, the shoes I wore. 
How easily they faded and tore
However, I enjoyed their hands
The Tags on my rags;
"MADE IN CHINA"

The car I own saves money on gas
A tiny Honda Civic, takes me everywhere
I love my sweet silver car
"Manufactured in China"

The never been used--Made in the USA--cookware I own,
Says, I don't work hard at all:)
Yummy to Chinese all you can eat take Outs  
Thank you China for being part of this world
Better Yet!
Thank you China, for making this world a part of yours.

MADE IN CHINA 
Shipped easily in a box

~SKAT~

Copyright © SKAT A | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

My butt crack

My butt crack 
Is quite a split 
It supports the rest of me 
when I sit 
you thought I was gonna say something else didn't you ?

My butt crack 
Is a marvel to behold 
It was cute when I was young 
but now offensive since I'm old 

My butt crack 
Is pretty darn straight 
can you imagine if it was crooked 
pretty weird sight I would rate 

My butt crack 
Is funny to me 
when I bend over in my jeans 
It peeks out 
for you to see 

My butt crack 
wanted me to write this today 
for no other reason 
then just to say......................

I gotta split 


LOL 

Eric (and sometimes not)

Copyright © Eric Nolan | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse | |

LOVE at FIRST SIGHT

Love was in the air when he laid eyes on her.
Childhood; elementary and even high school with her.
Walking towards her, he greeted her.
Anxiety spiraled as he hugged her.
Conversation grew deeper as he sat with her.
Wanting to get closer because he was falling for her.

Another woman called pausing the time he was having with her.
Knowing he had to answer; he stepped away and spoke to her.
She stated that something wasn't quite right with her.
She said that her stomach had been bothering her.
Now he's thinking back if he came inside her.
Thinking if she lied to him about her tubes being tied within her.

Does he blame himself for listening to her?
Knowing right from wrong and yet he can't blame her.
Does he blame the devil for allowing him to be intimate with her?
Is he not a human that makes mistakes just like her?
Begging God to make a way for him and her.
Asking God to forgive him for committing the sin with her.

God said, "relax my son, you were only dreaming of her."

Copyright © Pace INK-U-SCRIPT | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

Mario and Luigi: The Untold Story

(Submitted to Heather's Famous Couples/Duos contest. I hope you all like!)  :)

“Save me, Mario & Luigi!”

As they both read the Princess’ distress call,
Written in dark cherry lipstick on his walls
“Mama-Mia, I just painted this damn thing”, Luigi whined.

They ride off into smiling clouds’ horizon
Knocking out hopeless Goombas & misunderstood Turtle shells
Rapidly exhaled hustles over flagpoles and grassy valleys
To see who will capture her 1st kiss...and NOTHING MORE

Towards that immense castle in the sky,
They climbed against its walls like two dogs in heat for the 1st time

Into un-screened window archways, they dive in
Their eyes stare threateningly against the Dinosaur-Lizard cross-breed reject

Mario & Luigi begin dropping mushrooms to see stars and taste invincibility.

But, like this battle, it only lasted 10 seconds!

For out from the Onyx darkness, a new hero emerged
Green, not with envy, but of Greek god magnificence
And a strut that would make a pole dancer jealous

He struck down with such brute force, tearing down the gates of Heaven & Hell
Jesus & Lucifer were pissed

It was Yoshi the dinosaur!

With one fell swoop & a high pitched Braveheart-style cry,
He starts dropping eggs like he’s been ovulating for days
Tossing them with such focus & epic awesomeness against his enemies
Knocking them down one by one

He gracefully sweeps up the Princess, staring down towards his enemies
In a condescendingly lifted face, places an old-school Boombox on the ground
With loud decibels of MJ’s “Don’t stop ‘til you get enough!”,
Yoshi pulls out & drops the mic, embracing gravity’s last word

The Princess devilishly smiles at her new green hero and rides him into the sunset.

Game over.

©Drake J. Eszes

Copyright © Drake Eszes | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

Roses are red Violets are blue I’m up for a quickie Do you fancy one too? 13th February 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse | |

Happy New Year From The Unicorns

So far I've done everything I could possibly do this year.
I've given thorough thought to cleaning up my act.
These early-day hours have been rough-house
The storm shudders inside me are all grimy, they need tending to,
I just need to find them first.
So tired from last night,
Riding unicorns through the stars.
(No one believes me.)
Trouble is we're all blinking too fast for our own good as it is.
I've done everything I've promised to do this year, so far,
And I haven't even made the promises yet.
That's how interesting I've been lately.
You have no idea how hard it is to be this interesting.
Riding Bellyglow through the thrushes of song birds...
I probably don't know, either.
What a bucket of letters this is.
Thanks for Peking, thanks for Hong Kong.
Happy New Year.

Copyright © Matt Caliri | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

Funny Onion

Out shopping met an old friend from school
he turns to me serious looking
what are you at these days 
Well says I
working for a China man
picking up crumbs 
for disabled birds
Those with broken wings
who are unable to fly smiling
to warmer sunnier climates

Whoa he sounded shocked
he said what a job
What's the money like 
he asked laughing out loud
I said less than peanuts
out all weathers 
Barely feed a mouse

God I am glad he said 
that I have bumped into you
saying you have just really cheered me up
What a man really needed
Peanuts I replied
He began laughing 
saying that I was a character
really brightened up his dull day
leaving all I heard was him laughing

Copyright © liam mcdaid | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

Interview

Sitting in a cloak of black conservatism:

I feel my hands,
oily on the desk like shortening in
slate gray cookie pans,
the speedway inside forcing the absence of 
reabsorption,

And my thoughts,
so flippant to implore
if a man with a chartreuse neck tie
can see the long wet streaks
across the cherry plane.

He speaks,
a sequence of interrogatives
common to the bored walls
of serious conference,
evoking tone inflection
in the pattern of polite.

Darest I mention truth?

I am your whore;
infect me with smug integrity,
smack me with false prophet leadership,
just leave some crisp bills
on the nightstand, sugar.

Yet my voice models his wavelength,
relaying back the catchy tired language
of one hit wonders;
eyes brighten,
hands extend
from the man who owns a chartreuse tie.

Sigh.

Still,
complacency
awards a loaf of Wonder bread,
and a two bedroom lower.

Copyright © Michele Nold-Godleske | Year Posted 2006

Details | Free verse | |

Things I Have Learned

Don’t take a walk after a large glass of tea

If someone says, “sure take as many as you want” 
They probably don’t mean it

Darling you are sooo sweet I could never get angry with you,,,okay this one is self 
explanatory

One size fits all-ohh puleeese

Help yourself to anything in the kitchen,,I really thought I meant it

Going 65 through a curve marked for 45 is just stupid, but exciting

Feelings are fickle

When in doubt, a sincere look and slow shake of the head seems intelligent

 It will only take a minute,,,,yeah well Im countin by the long hand not the short one

If you climb that high are you sure you can get down, sure on the way
Up is different then sure at the top

Being really cold and getting into a hot shower and feeling
The warm water melt through you is better than sex,,,,okay its been a long time

The second time around is better

It will only hurt for a minute, then let me pinch you until it stops

Make up covers a world of hurt, but then it goes in the cracks and your
Face looks like a drought hit it

Friends that will laugh with you, cry with you, and never give up on you are
~priceless~

Wisdom comes from practice not from age

A good mood is a choice, okay most of the time

A snack to a teenager can be the roast you cooked for dinner

When you fuss at your kid then sit down and find no 
Toilet paper,,,,there’s a problem

Copyright © Laurie Ginn | Year Posted 2009

Details | Free verse | |

The Human Smile

Nothing in the world so disarming,
so charming in it's domain.
Across a crowded room or two feet away
it's all the same.
The shortest distance between two people
despite any other claim.
Is for now and will forever be
with no denial the human smile.

Copyright © Terry L. Allen | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

Basements Basements

This is just for fun..=)




In the basement of my heart
there is a basement
and in that basement there are two basements. 

You open one
and enter the basement 
only to find out there is yet another basement

That basements basement 
was light and blue
But that basements basement
was black

from basement to basement you walked 
until you couldn't anymore

The basements basements 
basements basements basements 
basements basements basements basement
of my heart.

You found my love...

Copyright © Anya Chebukina | Year Posted 2011

Details | Free verse | |

Its Raining...

                          Its Raining…

God’s Cleansing Tool
Cloud-Concerto… How Cool !
Plop-Plop Plopping into Pothole Pools
On the Grass, Pavements and On My Own-Sweet- Fools…

who, don’t have Sense enough, to get out of the Rain…
… I think I’ll go Join Them… Again

                               Amen

Copyright © MoonBee Canady | Year Posted 2009

Details | Free verse | |

Missing you

She was wonderful and powerful
My object of desire
Her smooth clean face so beautiful
The apple of my eye

My love she had an accident
She fell from up on high
I found her broken body there
'Twas lying on the ground

Now all I have's her memory
The songs we used to share
Oh how I miss that ipod
My heart it megahertz

Copyright © Nick Bagnall | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse | |

My Sudoku Life

And I walk
across numerical figments
speaking hyperbole dialect to their imaginations.

Numb, blocky gaps
whisper invitation to secret club.

Enticing my stature
to belong
to become exponent’s side-kick.

So they can welcome me with open arms.

Coating my digits with inoperable tumors
double-knotted in hot pink laced bow
and baby-breath scent.

They even left a Walmart Rollback smiley face sticker
with crack residue on right cheek
and a comic-style bubble caption, “welcome home puppet”.

Yes!

This is exactly how Mother 1 told me it would be.

Kinda like marriage,
but less detail-oriented.

But, I could never fit in.

For I am neither positive
nor negative
about their (cult) ural ways.

Timing would always be off.

An arm from the clock that suffered a stroke at Midnight…

They’d never understand,
how they’d alter this unevenly, odd numerical figment.

For they’ll just calculate,
deduce,
my sum with rusty protractor.

This Zero, into a fraction...

© Drake J. Eszes

Copyright © Drake Eszes | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse | |

The Elephant in the Room

3 polished oak fans,
Swirling in robotic unison

High maintenance socialites,
Sipping on Merlot fallacies

Lemon yellow coated walls,
Flat,
Like their smiles

Comparisons of dangling Porsche & Bentley keys
A glorified day care center,
Pacifiers included

The muted virtuosos speak softly in hymn dialects.

Courtesy laughter in snob’s octave

Their heads twitching side to side,
Left to right to left

An equilibrium facing assault charges against self

They slow dance to cello dreams
And E minor dividends

Two-step monotone, sway
Against platinum lacquer foundations

…

But, it was then.

These same socialites,
Made of recycled candle wax
And rubberized, hedge-fund confidence,
Began to stare longingly at the party host’s 70 inch plasma TV

Proudly imported from China

“Attention uptight snobs of Mecca!
The city zoo has imploded!
The monkeys revolted!
The zebras were tired of being racially profiled!
Run for your LIV…!”
(SMASH!)

And before the reporter’s frightened inner child could finish’s his clause,
An elephant crashes into the decadent room
Filled with Crisp linen scents of Febreze & judgmental fear

It stares at the socialites,
Laughing heartedly as it playfully stomps away into constellation’s onyx night

As tears waterfall from the snobs’ sobbing eye sockets
As if they just listened to another Celine Dion song

The real newsflash

Metaphors played hooky today

©Drake J. Eszes

Copyright © Drake Eszes | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse | |

Golden Dreams

The Leprechaun.

. 
Run, run, run as fast as you can...
I'm still gonna get you, my little green man...
I grabbed on to the gold buckle on his waist...
I held him down, with no time to waste...
I tied The Leprechaun to a hollow tree,
Broke off a branch and poked him on the knees.
I kept on poking him with a stick.
I kept nagging him to reveal his magic trick.

This little shamrock kid would not break.
He kept insisting THE LEPRECHAUN legend was fake.

This little odd dwarf kept lying about his mythical pot of gold. 
I kept repeating all the stories I've been told..  
Nagging him and nagging him~ FOR HIS POT OF GOLD!
He lied, about the fables, telling me his gold does not exist...
The Leprechaun refused to hear the clover list...


**** 

It's been 7 days!
And, still he won't give up, what's at the end of the rainbow. 
Tickling his little Eskimo toes,
Running feathers underneath his nose. 
"Look you little green treasure troll, I've captured you, and demand the gold!"
"You won't get me with your tricks!"
"So don't even try to outwit me with your silly MAGIC!" 

I suppose his silver-tongue, will have to do,
And the little gold buckles on his shoe.
I got tired of trying to make him see, my point of view.
I got a better deal and trade for a monkey at the zoo.
Now the lions are enjoying a Pot of Leprechaun Stew. 
After All! 
Nothing I did, made him unfold.
All I wanted was his pot of gold!

by;pd

Copyright © Poet Destroyer A | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

Gina the toilet cleaner

They call her big Gina
You'd know if you seen her
She is a toilet cleaner
She wears a white smock
Armed with bucket and a mop
She likes to keep things clean
And is a real scrubber
If you know what I mean
She whistles as she goes
With disinfectant wafting under her nose
She replaces toilet rolls
And cleans the toilet bowls
She really loves her job
She has a cat called Doris
And a husband called Bob
Her job is dirty and often smelly
She has a tattoo of a toilet on her belly
At the end of the day
She puts her mop and bucket away
Goes home and has a shower
Then cleans the house within half an hour
Her husband makes her mad
Leaving the toilet seat up
She puts toilet water in his cup
Of tea to sup
She has a daughter called Pru
She dreams of being a toilet cleaner too
She doesn't care about the smell of poo
Just her dream comes true
We should all appreciate toilet cleaners
Just like big Gina.


''Warning! Toilet water in tea. please do not try at home.
 could be dangerous and doesn't taste nice''.


Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Copyright © Peter Dome | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

- The Face In The Mirror Says -


                 Good morning
                                                                                       gninrom dooG

                 I look tired today
                                                                                   yadot derit kool I

                 I wash my face
                                                                                      ecaf ym hsaw I

                 Taking on a little makeup
                                                                        puekam elttil a no gnikaT

                 Brushing my teeth
                                                                                  hteet ym gnihsurB

                 Finally, the lipstick on my lips
                                                                   spil ym no kcitspil eht ,yllaniF

                 I smile to the mirror
                                                                               rorrim eht ot elims I

                 Now I`m ready for the day
                                                                                 ! yad doog a evaH

                  WHAT.......





  A-L  Andresen :)
  Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Copyright © Anne Lise Andresen | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

- I Have Lost My P -

                    
                     I`m not ha_ _y  today
                     No I`m quite sad and u_set

                     Sitting here with my cold sou_ and an old s_oon
                     I have s_ent too much money,and feel  _oor
                     I have not _earls or diamonds,that`s not why I`m sad and u_set
                     As I sit here with my su_ _ er and my cold sou_
                     thinking about what I do without my  _?
             
                     Dreams returns to ha_ _y days, when I  _layed  _iano
                     and had  _eace in my mind
                     What shall I do without my  _ ?
                     _  is  im_ortant in my life
                     I`ve lost my  _ 
                     I can no longer wish to you:
                     Ha_ _y  birthday
                     Have a ha_ _y  weekend
                     Ha_ _ y  for you.
                     Ha_ _ y  to see you
                     Ha _ _y   new year ..........


            I do not want _iano,_earl or diamonds.... I want my  _  back.




      05.01.2012
      A-L Andresen :)
      Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Copyright © Anne Lise Andresen | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

A noisy house

A noisy House

Banging, clanging
screaming, squealing
babies crying

Mothers shouting
Keep quiet!

Dancing, singing
jumping, thumping
grannies munching

Mothers shouting
keep quiet!

Chatting, laughing
clapping, slapping
children scratching

Mothers shouting
keep quiet!...........

I sit here 
in this noisy house
in a far corner
as quiet as a mouse

With pencil and book
and Ipod in ears
writing my poems
where nobody cares.

Copyright © Maryam Jameela Haniff | Year Posted 2009

Details | Free verse | |

If I Were a Girl

If I had been born a girl
I wonder what would rock my world
I really have to stop and think
I guess I’d have to start liking pink

One thing I know that would be really great
I know I’d never make a single mistake

I could change my mind all of the time
Oh wait a minute … no I wouldn’t
Well yeah, I guess I would
Or not
Maybe
Yeah, I would change my mind all the time
Naw, that wouldn’t be fair to my guy
Ahh – who cares … surely not I

I suppose I would have to get used to carrying a purse
Of course, there are other things to get used to a whole lot worse

I wouldn’t have to shave my face …
But I would have to shave almost every other place

If I were to be a girl
I don’t think I would be one of those liberated kind
Treat me like a delicate flower
I really would not even mind

I guess I couldn’t burp and fart in public
That would really cramp my style
And I know I couldn’t walk in high heels
Not even for one tenth of a mile

And one thing I know for sure,
I would be the ugliest girl under the sky …
No – I think I’ll just scratch and spit
And thank God I was born a guy

Copyright © Joe Flach | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse | |

The Cold War

I am winter's nemesis.I fight it tooth and nail.
In my youth it declared a war on me.
When I licked that icy rail.
Winter has many weapons to choose from.
Fear not for so do I.
A call my shovel Excali-burrr
My Ranger has four wheel drive
But winter's arsenal is no laughing matter
Icicles sent to impale, and black ice is its deadly device
But the human spirit is not that frail

I am winter's nemesis, and though it muffles all sound
This war is raging with bitter disdain.
My driveway the battle ground
I shall not relinquish my parking spot
to your mindless rabble of flakes
So bow to me you wretched season
For I shall never tire. 
and my staunch ally will soon be spring
and together we will force a cease fire

For I am winter's nemesis
And these walls shall not be breached
Until my tour of duty is done
and I retire to Miami beach

Copyright © Joe Inca | Year Posted 2011

Details | Free verse | |

P.D. vs AMY- Slam, Bam Thank You Ma'am

You said you wanted a slam
So here it goes
You're going to feel it stinging 
from your head to toes
A wham, bam, thank you ma'am
A sinister soul I am
I took to you
and quite so soon
I gotta make you unglued.

You're famous, you're a PS tart
and I do mean that
from the bottom of my heart-
But it's about time you got a taste
of your own medicine and male hitting disgrace
And I will scream this in your face!

Oh how right you were
and I must concur-
That this slamming crap is fun-
but your words will all be a blur.
So tap -tap you're next,
Don't worry, I like you too much to hex
but not enough to have...

So get with it, little bit-
waiting on you to get a clue
Send me your slam-
And we'll see who wins the GLAM!


From the Freak 

Copyright © Amy Green | Year Posted 2010

Details | Free verse | |

psychotic writer

A mad man 
Psychotic rap fan
You think this is all an act? damn
Give me a compliment to back-hand

Maybe I should be less complicated and more simplistic
Because a lot of the world are dim-witted
I call my pad wifey and pen mistress
Not for love, because I just got rejected by those 2 blonde twin sisters

They took what I said the wrong way
I was just trying to cheer myself up after a long day
I said “you wear the same clothes how about wearing the same guy”
One slapped me but you don’t know if you don’t try

Women try and change us into something we’ll never be
I’m the nicest, most damaged, flawed sarcastic psychotic man you will ever meet
I’m not as hard as nails but also not as soft as a lettuce leaf
I’m not a poet I just make letters meet

A prisoner in my own mind
So it’s like receiving a letter from a pen-pal from death row
When you read my rhymes
But I know you love it and class it as your best note

Already got spiky hair like I got a shock and survived the electric chair
Haven’t you got it yet? I’m not all there
But when have I claimed to be?
Just my pad, pain and me

Force the world to feel my rage
Psychotic writer killing my thoughts on this page
Don’t talk to me if you haven’t got a sense of humour
Ok let’s end the rumours

I’m not making a super group with MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice
I’ve been getting this pain out for years why is it still inside?
Got so much behind me like Beyonce’s ass
When she becomes 1 of Jay-Z’s 99 problems I’ll be there so fast

Wait hold up I only said that because it rhymed
His heart what has he done with it?
Quit being so serious I’m just having fun with it
Give me an inch and I’ll run with it

Before you know it I’ll of vanished
Timepiece on my dictionary cause they told me to watch my language
Try to understand me you will never manage
A psychotic writer, who’s flawed, scarred, weird and damaged

Girl how one earth can I be Drake for you?
But answer me this, if I’m on a date with you
And I’m looking at your boobs how is that a bad thing?
At least I’m focused on the boobs of the girl I’m dating so don’t turn it into a mad thing

Yeah I know my thoughts are a little hard to understand
But girl you won’t get my weird ways and sexiness if you date another man
Wait, I’m not sexy, forgive me I damaged my brain trying to understand you
I’m a psychotic writer and killing my thoughts on this paper is all I can do 

Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2015

Details | Free verse | |

All man well almost

My suntan comes from a bottle
My hair from a wig maker in Peru
My legs are very hairy
I have to put my teeth in to chew
I have had plastic surgery
And a nip and tuck
And I'm soon to have my nose done
With a bit of luck
My lips are bigger than Mick Jagger's
And I have that wind tunnel look
And I'm quite a catch by anybodies book


But I'm all man
Well almost
But I do what I can
I do have a six pack
But keep it in the cooler
Yes I'm quite a man
I measured it with a ruler.

So come on ladies grab me while you can
When I've got my teeth in and wig up on my head
They say I look like George Clooney
But then I look in the mirror
And I think they meant Mickey Rooney.

Ar well can't have everything
But my heart is loving and true
I may not be organic no more
With all the plastic surgery
But there's much more than that to me.





Peter Dome.copyright.2014. July.

Copyright © Peter Dome | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

What's up with Santa

                                             What’s up with Santa
                                            He's acting like a child.
                        Santa Claus is upstairs in his big red sleigh bed, 
                           warm and cozy in his red flannel comforter, 
                           wearing his red dropseat pajamas, and hat
                                               sick with the flu, 
                                       constantly ring that darn bell. 

                                          Ting-a-ling, Ting-a-ling … 
                                             There it goes again 
                             Yessss… Dearrrr… I know you don’t feel good,
                           your throat hurts and is sore when you swallow 
                  your body is in pain, like a herd of reindeer has run over it 
                 A warm cup of hot cider and a cinnamon stick to give it flavor
                                               will ease the pain.

                                  I should have never given him that bell  
 
                                           Ting-a-ling, Ting-a-ling … 
                       Yessss… Dearrrr… I know your frequently, coughing 
                       is making your rib cage feels like it’s going to break
                          I will get some milk and chocolate chip cookies  
                                  so you don’t have to get out of bed

                    I wish Santa would quit constantly ringing that darn bell.
                          If he hadn’t shoveled the snow off the sidewalk 
                  and let the elves do their jobs, he wouldn’t be sick right now

                                            Ting-a-ling, Ting-a-ling … 
                     Yeessss… Deeaarrrr… I’m sorry your head is stuffed up, 
                              nose is red, hurts, and won’t quit running
                                 Reading the Naughty or Nice List 
                      will help you not think about what you're going through

                                 What came over me to let him have a bell

                                           Ting-a-ling, Ting-a-ling … 
                Yeessss… Deeaarrrr… You’re running a fever, freezing, and shivering
                               I will go inform the elves not to dawdle
                            keep making the toys in Santa’s workshop 
                           and make sure they take care of the reindeer

                 Oh! My! I hope Santa gets well before Christmas gets here, 
                                 so he’ll get better and out of my hair
                                or I am going to hide that dumb bell

                                                
  
 
By Eve Roper 

Sponsor: Carol Eastman

Contest Name :Story poem about Santa Claus 

Copyright © Eve Roper | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

Toilet Talk

What does one do when in the public loo, 
Apart from the obvious one’s or two’s, well it’s true!
Walls decorated with an array of graffiti and words
Scribble, or jokes, tasteless, amusing or absurd  
The mischief one gets up to, in a moment of quiet
Who would of thought to have a marker on hand
Ready for the opportunity to sign one’s tag
Tell me have you ever pondered the thought
Of having a wall of poetry, for the toilet door
Like a whiteboard, that you can clean with ease
Always ready for a new day, or week of ideas
Just imagine the mind’s workings in progress
Looking straight back at you when your mind is in idle 
This is what happens when one is on the loo
Time on one’s hands to think things through!

Copyright © Shaz Cheesman | Year Posted 2012