Wondrous of many blessings.
Smiling never a frown.
My prayers, Lord, are suddenly being ignored.
I've taken a tumble of fallen down
Lord, my life was plain and simple
How did it come to this.
Lord, now I carry a burden so deep
A torn up life not easy to fix
Hard to get my prayers before I sleep
Bleeding only internally!
Feeling very minutely!
God, have you deserted me, or is it me who deserted you?
God, my Lord, my savior, how could you abandon me?
Must I drown in my own sorrow.
Must I wake up like this today and tomorrow.
Why have you left me, or is it me who left you?
God, I need you like never before.
When I wake up,
When I head out the door.
Tormented in a mood ring of stock
Heavily my tears hit upon the floor.
God, do you not feel me, or is it me who no longer feel you?
God, what is your plan for me?
What things did I not see?
I asked for you to forgive me in my ways of sin.
Why do you let him provoke me?
Lord, I forbid for him to win.
Relieve me from his gutless pain.
God, do you not believe me, or is it me who no longer believe in you?
God, do you not hear my call
My pitiful excuses make me weak and small
In your eyes I no longer feel tall
I remain cursed in every single fall
Lord, only you can break this wall
Do you not see me on my knees
Must I beg and crawl?
I am at your mercy, crying out with grief
Open the path to the lighted hall
O' Lord, the day you judge me before your throne
Please tell me it was a lesson for me to stand up on my own
God for now I will end this talk
With the dignity to never look back
And ask if you were there on my endless journey of a relentless walk?
One day there was an accident, and to heavens gate I was called.
As an angel sat down beside me, upon the bed I had been put upon.
Such a shining warmth ensued as it held me in its thrall.
A thought from God proclaimed, “What with your life have you done?”
Then all of life fled past me, but not as I did expect to see it done.
For all I saw and felt were things I hadn’t known I had done, and yet…
So much pain inflicted to each, with such little words and thoughts.
I never would have known such power, by one person, could be wrought.
I bowed my head in shame at the pain I knew I could not undo, yet…
Suddenly, I found myself forgiven. Yes, TRULY it was true!
Hallelujah became my amazed and impassioned cry before him, that night!
His warmth had never wavered, nor even his illustrious, wonderful light.
How could he forgive me, someone as wretched and lowly as I?
And yet, he did… and so he changed my life from then on out.
But low and behold he wasn’t yet done with me, or so my story goes…
He sent me back to my home again… it in comparison brought me low.
But he said my work lay uncompleted, so now I must go back…
He said to stay clean and I would blossom… What do you think of that?
A veil he placed upon my eyes to remove me from the knowledge of all I’d known.
Then he sent me from his side, where I could not see him but knew he was.
Now, here I stand before you, a totally changed and humbled one.
Still, I have found I have sinned again… I know he must have known.
Perhaps some day, as I patiently wait… I’ll be allowed once more within his gate.
Only time will tell, as again I’ll feel every ones pain…
All I can say is: God Forgive Me… as I continue to wait…
(This really happened and changed my life.)
Glimpse of Heaven (Out of Body Experience)
How curious, remote, the pain seemed now
As a fly on the ceiling, she looked down
Her body below in a hospital gown
Incessant beeps emitted by machines
With blips and waves on their monitor screens
She tried to cry out; muffled were her screams
No warmth penetrated surgeons’ white masks
“What are they doing?” she wanted to ask
“And how do I know they’re up to the task?”
The scene rolled past like a horror movie
Terror, she feared, would last eternally
But the action, the beeps, stopped suddenly
A creature of light appeared, took her hand
Something seemed familiar about this man
Had they met before in another land?
Through a stone tunnel he guided her now
Without taking steps, but floating somehow
Toward figures moving in a misty shroud
Some she recognized as they drew near
Family and friends whose love she held dear
Were welcoming her; she’d nothing to fear
Parents, an uncle, a cousin and niece
Beckoned her onward, her soul sensed release
In a radiant spectrum, stairway to peace
But as scenes from her life began to unwind
A Deity with a voice so sublime
Said, “I’m sorry, but it’s not yet your time.”
Pulled by a vacuum, withdrawn from the light
Through the tunnel again, though she tried to fight
From the ceiling she gazed, witnessed the sight
Electric currents jump-started her heart
Paddles brought back pain she’d known from the start
When later she woke, there was much to impart
But a skeptical doctor denied her claim
Her “journey” he dismissed as inane
Circuits, claimed he, had misfired in her brain
But she knew the truth, would not be deceived
Even when only her pastor believed
A glimpse of heaven she had received
* * Based on an experience during surgery long ago.
Entered in Catie's contest.
I never knew following dreams could be this lonely,
But up on the hill, looking back, thank God I'm not the old me.
If the tears will fall, let them be;
I believe this is God's plan, follow your dreams.
I am the hypocritical Christian.
I say I follow Christ,
But I'm still consumed by my demons.
I go to church on Sunday,
But I refuse to invite someone back.
I want to serve on mission,
But I'm too afraid to act.
They think I read The Bible,
But I just fall asleep in it.
They think I'm positivity and smiles,
But underneath I'm death and addictions.
They think I'm clean and pure,
But I'm broken and mistaken.
I say I'm not worthy of His love,
But Jesus will never let me be forsaken.
I pray long prayers,
But inside they're empty repetition.
It might look as if my faith is strong,
But my core is too easily shaken.
I say the things I'm supposed to say,
But don't follow His actions or obey.
I speak the truth the church wants to hear,
But deep inside on matters I don't know what to believe.
I walk in shame as if I'm not good enough
To be loved by God and saved through Christ,
But there is nothing I could ever do to earn His peace;
It's a free gift.
Now forgiven, changed, and released.
Thank You God,
Thank You Jesus,
Thank You Holy Spirit!
In Jesus' Holy Name,
She is the muse to her own sorrow;
She is the digger of her grave.
She is the painter of her ocean view
and every fatal wave.
She is the shadow of her Father;
She is the darkness in your sight.
She is the night without the stars
surrounding pale moonlight.
She is the music with no words;
She is sweet love without the reason.
She is your dreamer with submission
cold by warmth with every season.
She is your pet with cold intentions;
She is your baby scared and shaken.
She is the bold and pure- the lost and found,
She is a soul awakened.
She is a loving mother,
her pain is like no other.
Kids taken all at once away.
A price too steep to have to pay.
Holds her head up high,
when all she wants to do is die.
She thinks her pain is masked,
but as you see, its no easy task.
She's strong and still fights,
even when they say she has no rights.
She dreams of seeing her kids,
trying hard to keep the pain hid.
She goes to court and really fights,
only to come home alone and cry at night.
Still, she continues this uphill battle.
Her confidence, they constantly rattle.
Goes to work and tries to smile,
as her heart is breaking all the while.
Wish I was a much better sister,
who called and let her know I missed her.
I had my own tumultuous issues,
it was she who really needed the tissues.
I just had a crappy, low life man.
By her side her family should stand.
Instead they all give her grief.
Do they not see her pain will never be brief?
No, they all say they are sorry, but they're full of lies.
Didn't they know it was her LIFE in demise?
A better sister, I'll try to be.
Her back she never turned to me.
I hope she knows she's loved and cared for.
Her smile I'd like to see more.
I know that's no easy task.
But that I will still ask.
As they push her to the brink,
She's stronger than she ever thinks.
A combined effort for Kristy.....
It was their night they shone bright as they danced their sweet dance
Two lovers embraced in their world of romance.
They laughed and they cried as their eyes locked in stare
It was their world for this moment as if no one was there.
And their steps they so flawlessly glided in tune,
To a melody that touched everyone in that room.
Their passion brought envy to onlookers there,
Who secretly questioned their own love affair.
But as the night closed and came to an end
The lovers were blind to what lie round the bend.
The house and the cars and the jobs that went bad
The kids drove them crazy and their savings were drab.
So they fought to hold on to the things in their life,
That caused them so much of their pain and their strife.
They fought with each other like enemies do,
And dismissed in their life everything that was true.
So when sickness and hardships and troubles occurred,
Their vows to commit seemed truly absurd.
Their home and their kids would now take a backseat,
For their moral obligation they chose not to meet.
So I Ask …
What happened to that dance they danced so well?
With passion and truth everyone could tell.
What happened to their dance where they held so tight?
What happened to the wonder of their glorious night?
What happened to the words that charmed their ears?
With a passionate rhythm that brought them to tears.
What happened to those vows that poured from their heart?
The “I love you forever and till death do us part”.
For these aren’t just words we borrow for the day,
From another who tells us this is what we must say.
We say them cause it’s what we feel true in our heart,
It’s a God given blessing we commit from the start.
But these words are now lost as they fall on deaf ears,
Since the pain and the struggles they’ve created these years.
So the lesson here learned dear people of odd,
Is that love is so fragile but made strong with our God.
So stop fighting for power and money or need,
For all of this nonsense is only our greed.
Keep God in your life and he’ll walk you through,
When heartache and pain and losses ensue.
For why commit vows in the eyes of our God,
And not call on him when life gets too hard?
For the truth of our vows we are all meant to see,
is that marriage is not, made of two, but of three
If reading these words ring some truth in your heart,
Decide that today you will make a new start.
Go hug your spouse and say something kind
Don’t let the small stuff cloud up your mind.
We’re all just lost souls who are trying to cope
If not there for each other then where is the hope?
You see, the anger, the fight
that in us abide, Is only the insecure child inside.
So rise up above all this fear and this pain,
And see all the beauty that there is to gain.
By trusting in God and his will for you
Together forever he’ll see you both through.
For life is too short for our miserly ways
cheap on our love hence dreading our days.
He made us to love in all that we do
To wake up each morning and start us a new.
So pray for your spouse, ask God to be kind
To the person you prayed in the beginning to find.
They’re still the same person you loved from the start
But life and it’s troubles have hardened their heart.
You vowed that you’d love them in sickness and health
Now is your chance to show God what you felt.
So rise up my friend, don’t say that you’re through
For what if your loving God gave up on you?
To stand ever resolute
Amongst perpetual ambiguity
That slowly expends me
When I am not vigilant
If I have firmly decided
To walk that razors edge
Where the vile assail me
Allow me the shield
Of His name
Where I will ever feel
Marybeth, my little sister, the baby of the family.
A wild blonde, just like her mom,
She had to have her candy!
From weed to perks, triple two-ees and ludes
Marybeth and Judy were always stewed.
That was in high school, and a few years before
They both settled down like the girl next door.
A husband and children just like Karen and Kate
But mom never met them
She had them too late.
Spent time with her dad, she loved him to death,
He hated her husband, She was his Marybeth!
She shared all her secrets and turned him against
The man that she married - it didn't make sense.
Mare landed a job with the Kromberger clan
They loved her like family; maybe more than...
Her life was too short, her children too young
To lose their dear mother, God, what have You done?
She paid all her dues with the pain she endured
For the past seven years with no hope for a cure.
Being blind was another effect of the coma
And a few years went by before carcinoma
Eating food from a cup was humbling for sure,
But Mare always kept some humor in store
Her wish when she left us, was for us not to cry
Remember the good times, and stop asking why.
Her time was her time and we'll all have our day
For leaving this life, for slipping away
Our guardian angels are right by our sides
They take our hand gently along with our Guides
And cross us to where we no longer need
The pain and the suffering to which we agreed.
There's always a reason, for the things of today
We can't see the big picture, Faith asks us to pray.
One fact is for sure, we all have a Life Purpose
It's always much deeper than what's seen on the surface
Marybeth's purpose included us all
I'm grateful for that, but what the heck was it for?
Someday I'll look back, probably next New Years Eve.
A year will have passed, I'll still not have grieved.
The hard part for me is the 'wanting' to leave.
Tired of living? I just can't conceive.
Watch what you 'give,' you will surely receive
Exactly the same as your intention conceived.
It may have been wrapped in beautiful gold
Expecting more thanks than the newspaper-rolled.
Giving without expectations in mind
Is the secret of leaving this world behind.
Then we get to stay and see what makes us tick
We don't judge, we don't talk, just observe
Don't get sick.
It's not personal. Whew....
Love you Mare, See you there.