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Evil Humorous Poems | Evil Poems About Humorous

These Evil Humorous poems are examples of Evil poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Evil Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Quatrain | |

SATAN'S SOLILOQUY


(Satan is in his not-so-evil lair, watching the news on TV. Sparked by one little “It’s the work of Satan” comment, by an innocent bystander of something awful that’s just happened, he goes on ONE of his little rants...)

(Giving out to the TV)

How, in the heavens, did I ever get this rap,
of being the evil puppeteer of every earthling sap?
Joy and contentment are what have me driven;
surely not my fault if they’ve contempt for all they’re given.

For He made me in the image of His so-called glory
Yet I’m dubbed the ever Evil One in the story!
Well, I for one have had truly quite enough
Of being the fall guy for all their evil stuff!

                       *  *  *  *  *

(Standing up and addressing us (yes you there...the one reading))


For I am a being of reverence and beauty
And this I feel is my rightful duty;
I merely wish to awaken you all
To the truth of how I came to fall...

Yes it’s true: his Holiness in the sky
And I have never seen eye to eye.
No room for equals—that pedestal's his—
He decides who, where, and what is.

It is not my goal to steal your soul—
You’d know this had he not ‘misplaced’ my scroll—
He wanted me to be just like him,
Scorning me when I came up slim.

He wasn’t expecting it you see:
That I could match his mentality.
A free thinker, who doesn’t follow the pack:
That’s basically why he gave me the sack!

I felt he wanted too much control,
Others did too, so we took a poll.
Angered by our dislike of his chains,
He blatantly banished us, and look what remains!

Accusing me of greed and belligerency,
Equality's all I wanted, not currency;
To respect the views of all others,
And stand strong with my arch- and cherub brothers.

So it is he, you see, who has no respect for me,
The opinions I brought, discarded for eternity.
After all these millennia, he remains stubborn still.
Power hungry—a god complex, if you will.(chuckles)

But to come back to my point of view:
This is really all about you.
You revered beings were made by him;
Most of you, nothing short of grim.

Now he knows with you, he’s made a mistake,
Still it’s me he’s trying hard to forsake.
I’m the patsy; I’m the fool;
I’m his back-garden-shed tool!

Utilizing me to set an example
Oh! What if— No, impossible!
Could he? Would he? Did he ever ?
Oh my; he is clever!

How in the devil (grinning), did I not understand?
Not until now, did I see this was planned.
The whole time: before you—before ME—
Adoring me, perfecting me, knowing I’d fail—Oh the irony!! (head his hands, almost weeping)

But YOU, seeking justice and equality—
Noble trait, on that we can agree—
You fight to make your earth lords see.
Are you blind? You are just like me!

For all the beauty you are and were given
The choice is yours, if you want in to Heaven.
For those who continue the treacherous path,
You’ll be born again to live your own wrath.

When your soul is no longer blind
Only then, entrance will you find.
For as I’ve stated, he doesn’t take well
To anyone making his heaven a hell.

Rest assured, I look naught like a goat,
So please, I implore, stop trying to promote
Your regrettable behaviour as solely my doing.
It angers me so; keep it up, and I’m suing!

                                         .
27th August 2016 

This is purely for fun, brought on by thoughts of those who use God and the Devil as excuses for the bad things they do. No offence intended!

Copyright © Nicola Byrne | Year Posted 2016

Details | Ballad | |

A Country Song Gone all Wrong

I want so bad in Casarah’s pants
She said I had to offer up some romance
Off we went to a local dance
I bought her a flower, a beer, and a Big Mac too
She said not quite enough but it will have to do

So in my truck that has no doors
I apologized and said no seat, its on the floor
She smiled and sat, I gathered in anticipation
Of having me in her bedroom a waiting
Little did I realize I'd wish to be vacating

We arrived at her home, at half past twelve
She said grab a beer, cause my hubby is here
I said what the hell, your hubby you say?
She said, why yes where else would he stay?
So I grabbed a beer thinking ok this is a wee bit queer

I was confused, I will tell you that
Her hubby smiled at me like a dirty rat
He had some rope and a little duct tape
This sure wasn’t what I figured on this ol date
From bad to worse, I resigned myself to fate

She calmly said, what could you have possibly thought?
I brought you here, for our pleasures of naught
We will tie you up and start the game
We are the masters, and you have no claim
Now what’s a little pain? so please, don’t try to abstain

Tied and bound what could I do?
They had their pleasures without further adieu
I did the dishes, the vacuuming and the laundry too
Not an easy task tied in ropes by those two
Broken and tormented and tired as heck

I soon plotted my escape up north to Quebec
This Gothic nightmare must come to and end
Else these two satins will drive me round the bend
So I unbound the ropes holding me so tight
Managed to escape into the dark frigid night

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2016

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Mouse

We have a mouse in the house.
Not an average mouse
But rather a mouse with some nous 
That trips traps as it goes traipsing through the house.
A mouse whose downfall I am planning 
Even while I am jotting.

A foolproof trap I will find, 
Before I go out of my mind. 

It will be one of a kind,
That will attest to my state of mind. 
And show beyond doubt that I have more nous
Than a mouse.

It will send a message to all mouse kind
That it is time to leave this city behind
In case I lose my nous 
And sacrifice the house to get rid of a mouse. 
 

Copyright © David Smith | Year Posted 2016

Details | Quatrain | |

My Evil Demon



There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul I try my best to push him off He's stubborn, very bold He tries to sway my thinking And how I look at things I tell him, “Take a hike! Get lost, you ding-a-ling!” He never seems to listen He insists on causing trouble It's his role he always says I'm about to burst his bubble Demons don't tell me what to do Don't need these guys to coach My standards are extremely high My actions beyond reproach There's an evil demon lurking On the edges of my soul But this here dude's not worried I'm the guy that's in control! © Jack Ellison 2012

Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

The Mind

The mind holds terrible things
We wish no one could see
It tells a flattering story
As flattering as can be
Deep dark secrets fulfill
This space of air
When we think we are loved
The mind says; I don’t care

In this empty space we
Somehow call our minds
Deceive a person’s heart
And somehow keeps them blind
We will never know
 The inner thought
Buried deep within
In a selfish twisted mind
That somehow has no end

In a quiet place is when
The mind works best
It always distinguish itself
From the boundaries 
Of all the rest
It sees things that ordinarily
Shouldn't be
It feeds on overload and
And why, we cannot see

You thought lies, envy, jealously
Always come from the heart
It always starts in the mind
The utter most selfish part
There are two things in life
You will never ever know
How the mind functions and
And how evil in the heart grow

You would be surprise all
The things the mind occupy
And all the dark evil to
The heart it can supply
It buries things you simply
Would never and cannot see
It’s like a silent hill and
A hundred year old tree
So never underestimate
 The power of the mind
It somehow brings out
The worst in all man kind



Copyright © Lillie Williams | Year Posted 2013

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Battle of Sunflower Hill

Akmed and Saleem where regulars in the neighborhood
Full of smiles and Arabic charm
Now they seem to all have but gone
Seems the young ones like to preach and fight
Nothing at all seems to work out right

Well the summer was hazy, the sun so hot
Gardens blooming, butterfly’s with champagne wings
Sunflowers making their journey on high
Kissing the sun, as the baker’s bread made us sigh

Then one morning the evil returned
Akmed and Saleem would make us dread
The beheaded slaughter, the bloody thirsty lust
These terrorists would not stop, no matter the fuss

The carnage was bloody, leg and limb lie all over
This battle was lost, before the morning was over
They destroyed all that was left in their tornado’s path
No mercy or begging would make them see the math

Tears flowed from my eyes
Sunflowers sliced and murdered
Beheaded in wars’ lustful pain
Those damn ISIS ones must bow in shame

It’s autumn
The crusades’ are over
We lost this bloody war
Those fanatic squirrels surely will be back for more!

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015

Details | Narrative | |

The Day the Boys Set Out to Fly

Larry was the oldest,  seemed every day he grew 
Bubbling with mischief,   like a cackling witches brew 
At the time just  10  or so,  but that’s a long way back 
Humorously independent,    the joker of his pack. 
And then came Jan,   smiling face of missing teeth
Radiating   freckles,  a  tomboy underneath  
Followed by little Davey,  and his demon  dog named  Stiff
Really good at misbehaving,  or some real mischief. 

There are potent spells a witch can cast, riding on her broom
Sorcerers tricks from ages past, weaving trickery  on her loom 
To ferment a brew with some illusion, and  a spell or two
With spirit salts and then confusion,  to make her schemes come true 

Johnny was the toddler,  did pretty much as told
Shook his rattle,  sucked his thumb, let his world unfold 
So that’s team, the whole groundcrew,  dynamic  young and bold   
With dreams and schemes of their machines, something to behold
 With sticks and gum  and elastic bands,  a runway made of tiles, 
Perched upon the old shed roof,  it could be seen for miles 
Gleaming in the evening sun ,  the plane was quite a feat
A firecracker in an  upturned pail, as an ejector seat
 
A barnyard roof may not seem high,  20 feet I’d guess, 
The main thing was to make dad proud, something to impress
But to the boys quite high enough,  for their first flight test
To  act like men by doing good,  and sticking to their quest.
The plane was much too hard to move, even with all  three trying  
They ignored the pilots grumblings,  leaving Johnny close to crying  
What it really needed was a magic wand, the ones that sorcerers use,
One with proper magic powers,    that could also light the fuse. 

One more shove is all we’ll need,  lets give it one more try 
I’m guessing theres  trick to  this,  to making this  thingfly.
Then Abracadabra  he had the thought,    that used a pole and levers.
Come on now,  You’ll all be proud, we’ll show them non-believers
See it’s already at the edge,  nothing can stop us now.
But as the plane started to tilt, sweat  on the pilot’s brow
Litltle Johnny  started to sob, and could not hold back his tears,
And within the nearby kitchen, the cry fell on someone’s ears, 

What wicked spells a witch can cast, as she rides apon her broom
Using evil tricks from ages past, and illusions weaved by loom 
But that’s no match for a prairie  mother, running with a scream 
With terror in her eyes,  to end an evil scheme. 

Copyright © Andrew Martin | Year Posted 2015

Details | Limerick | |

The Joker 1

(Limerick) Batman and Robin sped to their car But the Joker outran them by far Joker got in it But he didn't fit Then yelled" Guess have to throw my guitar!" Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 09.16.2014

Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Hear No Evil

This Is Inspired by the joke posted by
"The Incomparable Mystic Rose."
She is a MUST read for All Souper's
Love that sense of humor Rose and Thanks


Mrs. McGuire concerned as she was
Always the proper lass
Went to see Dr. McGee
Hoping to stop passing gas
She explained, it always was silent
and odorless she was quite sure
In fact, she had passed gas
Several times since she came through his door
McGee scratched his head and then nodded
Then handed her, a bottles of pills
Take these and come back in a week
For now this will handle your ills
When McGuire returned to the Doctor's
And ask what was wrong with the pills
For although her gas was still silent
It stunk as high as the hills
McGee looked up at her sternly
But his voice was soft and endearing
Now that we've cleared up your sinus
We will go to work on your hearing

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2015

Details | Ballad | |

Sir Archibald and the Black Knight - Part 1

Let me sing you a tale, a story of old,
Of a man without fear, of a knight brave and bold,
He sought out adventures, whenever they called,
And the name of this knight was Sir Archibald.

Whilst out riding his horse, a steed of great power,
He saw in the distance a creepy old tower,
At the top of this tower lived a pretty young maid,
Who was cold and was lonely and longed to be saved.

“Oh Sir Archibald, won’t you please rescue me?
I’m stuck in this tower and there’s nowt on TV.
I’m forced to stay in here, and wash all these socks,
While the evil Black Knight holds the keys to the locks.”

Sir Archibald loved the maiden so fair,
With her glittering eyes and her long golden hair.
“Of course I will save you!” was the knight’s brave reply,
“Or at least I shall give it a jolly good try!”

Sir Archie rode onwards, as fast as he could,
Until he came to the edge of the wood,
And there stood before him a terrible sight,
The tall, strong and mighty, the evil Black Knight.

The Black Knight was massive, someone to be feared,
With a scar on his face and a huge tatty beard,
Our villain’s description is only complete,
When we mention his dark eyes and big smelly feet.

“What do you want?!” called he with the big booming voice,
Of a man you’d avoid if were given the choice,
“You’ve got a young girl there, who you must set free.
Let her go now, or else answer to me!”

Copyright © Sharon Smith | Year Posted 2013

Details | Couplet | |

An air raid

Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr | Year Posted 2014

Details | Couplet | |

An anti-Semite

For a Semite a mite 
is an anti-Semite.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

The Halloween Evil Witches

The witches are brewing you know something,
And from all over the world they're coming
As they're as happy as they can really just be
This is their favorite night, and they can do anything.

They're brewing for you double and double trouble,
With magical potions, bat wings and lizards to gobble
They're casting for you more and more double disaster,
As they all mix their potions and chant to their DarkMaster!


Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright@2014

September.13.2014



Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014

Details | Free verse | |

OLD MAN WINTER IS ON HIS WAY

THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF WINTER, IS A SIGN, 
OF WHAT OLD MAN WINTER, HAS IN MIND. 
OLD MAN WINTER IS UNBELIEVABLY KEEN, 
CHECK OUT HIS HISTORY TO SEE WHAT I MEAN. 
HE SETS US UP TO THINK ALL IS WELL. 
THEN UNLEASHES A BLIZZARD FROM HELL. 
WE SHOVEL THE SNOW AND CLEAR THE STREETS. 
AFTER A DAY HE DUMPS THREE MORE FEET. 
HE WILL MAKE IT SNOW FOR A VERY WHITE CHRISTMAS. 
IN HIS OWN WORDS "YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS"
HE DELIVERS JOY FOR THE SNOWBOARDER TYPE, 
BUT AT 12,000 FEET IT'S A FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
BACK IN THE CITY IT'S FREEZING COLD, 
QUITE THE HAZARD, FOR THE WEAK AND THE OLD. 
JUST OFF THE LAKE , IT WAS FORTY BELOW. 
EFFECTS OF THE WINDCHILL OR SO WE ARE TOLD. 
DOWN FROM THE NORTH AND ACROSS THE PLAINS, 
WHITEOUT CONDITIONS ARE PURELY INSANE. 
OLD MAN WINTER LOVES FREEZING RAIN. 
IT'S HIS WAY OF INFLICTING PAIN. 
FROM TIME TO TIME WE JUST DON'T KNOW, 
WHAT IS MEANT BY COLD WET SNOW. 
JUST FOR KICKS HE LIKES TO TAKE DOWN TREES, 
BY FREEZING RAIN AND ASSERTING A BREEZE. 
NEVER, NEVER, CALL OLD MAN WINTER A BITCH. 
YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF, OFF THE ROAD IN A DITCH.

Copyright © Michael E. Harris | Year Posted 2016