Dedicated to my Dad Jerry W. Niday 3/20/1952 - 6/18/2013
I am who I am because of him
He’s the reason for my son’s name
He gave me my courage & my strength
To stand tall even when standing wasn’t easy
Stand for the ones who can’t
To think and fend for myself
I’m my Daddy made over
Taught me to fight back
To never back down
How to pick myself back up
When I’ve been knocked down
Fight for what I believe
I’m my Daddy made over
He gave me my stubbornness
Gave me my pride
Gave me my temper
Taught me not to take crap
To speak my mind no matter who
Work for what I want
I’m my Daddy made over
How to keep my emotions in check
How to handle large amounts of pain
When in trouble he always had my back
He knew how my mind worked better than anyone
I got it from him
I’m my Daddy made over
Even though he’s gone
I’ll stand and continue on
I may stumble I may fall
May even get hurt along the way
But I’ll pick myself back up
I’ll dust myself off and stand tall
I’m honored and proud to say
I’m my Daddy made over
Sabrina Niday Hansel
Placed 1st in "Unsung Hero" 7/2014 contest
Also 3rd. in "Portrait of a Poet" 1/2014
We lost more than just a Dad that day
We lost half of how we came to be
We lost we four girls first love
We lost our Best Friend
We lost more than just a Dad that day
Our Mom lost her Soul Mate, Her other half
Our children lost their Papaw
We lost our family’s foundation
We lost the glue that held us together
We lost more than just a Dad that day
We lost the Strongest man we ever knew
We lost the man we looked up too
We lost we four girls Teacher of many things
We lost more than just a Dad that day
We four girls lost our Hero
We lost some of our Light
We lost part of our Heart
We lost part of our Soul
We lost more than just a Dad that day
We lost some of our Courage
We lost some of our Strength
We lost some of our will to fight back
We lost some of our will to carry on
We four girls lost more than a Dad
We lost more than just a Dad that day
Please don't cry over my casket
For I am not there
Please don't cry at my grave
My soul has been set free
I know it's hard not to cry
I've been down that road one to many times
I have no more pain
I have no more sickness
And I would not change a thing
As I walk threw the gates of Heaven
Mom Dad our brothers and sisters
Will welcome me with open arms
Here I am free of that pain
Don't blame yourself
It was my time to go home
This is where I'm supposed to be
Don't dwell on things which you can not change
I will always be in your heart
I will always be watching over you
When that day comes for you to come home
I will be there to welcome you
With open arms
And walk you threw the gates of Heaven
You will be greeted by our family & friends
Who came home before you
Until that day I will be watching over you
I'm lost hurt and angry
Why did you take his life
I want, No I need to know
Tell me, Tell me why
I deserve to know
Haven't you done enough to him
What'd he ever do to you
He suffered his whole life
Suffered more than anyone deserved
Tell me, Tell me why you did it
I have a right to know
Why'd you let him born to them
Born to worthless parents
Parents who didn't care
They threw him away like garbage
Pawned him off on someone else
Tell me, Tell me why
Explain how you could do that
You gave him Polio
You let others treat him like disease
You took away the full use of his legs
You warped his hand and foot
Tell me, Explain to me why
I deserve to know
You let others think he was crazy
You let it go on for over year
You didn't stop it, Why
Tell me, Give me your reason
Answer me God, Help me to understand
You go and make matters worse
You gave him Cancer
You didn't give him a chance to fight back
You just jerked him away from us
Tell me, Tell me how
How you could be so cruel
How can others not question you
When others do it, It's murder
But when it's by your hand
It's your will, Their fate
Tell me, What makes you so different
Your no better than the demons knocking at the door
You heard me beg and plead
You know I'm not afraid to die
I was willing to carry it all for him
I was willing to take my Daddy's place
You didn't even let me say Goodbye
Tell me, Tell me why I couldn't take his place
Answer me God, you owe me that much
Molested the first fifteen years of my life. My mother remained silent the whole time. As the molesting continued all those years. Forced to live a pretend life all my childhood. Beaten and punished every other day. For no reason other than being a child. After all this I figured I was a unwanted child. My mother couldn't love me abusing me. She brought me fancy expensive clothes every year. To cover up all her verbal, mental, and physical abuse. She tried to hide me from people, family and friends. So that they wouldn't see the embarrassing scars and bruises. Sometimes so bad I couldn't even go to school the next day. Or I would get into fights or act rude to get a suspension notice. That would have allowed my body to heal. One time I even tried to get ex-spelled. However, it didn't work. I only came home to more beatings. Her boyfriend watched and help hold me down on the floor as she would beat, and beat, and beat. Maybe this gave him a idea that it was ok to abuse me. Being that my mother was already doing it. Yeah! From the outside looking in my childhood was perfect. Every child wanted my seat. Name-brand clothes, shoes, computers, and almost every toy in the Jc Penny catalog. From the inside looking out I was screaming to get out. Scared, alone, abused, and still a child. So there was nothing I could do. I had no brothers or sisters at the time. All my family wouldn't believe me.No! Not him they would say, and did say at age fifteen I started getting older, and more developed. I had to put a stop to this. So after talking to some school friends. I decided to talk to my mother about what was going on. So later on that night I called my mother in to talk to her. I had told her what had been going on. while she was a work, and out late shopping. She in return asked me to draw a picture of his *****. As if she didn't believe me on the spot. What! I thought to myself. How could she ask me a thing like that? After one hour she finally called the police. I was brung in also for video questioning. I told them what had been going on in the house while my mother was away. The police in return asked me "what took so long for me to tell" I replied" I was scared, alone, and threatened. I had no one in the house to protect me. From my mothers abusive ways. I thought people would tease me." The next question was to my mother. The police asked "How could you live in the same house, and not know that your child was being raped?" My mother sat quietly and had no answer. So she got charged with neglect. My mother's boyfriend got charged with child molestation, and a few other things. I can't remember them all. After all that I was still scared, but finally free. Free to be a kid again.
Awh, hell the relationship between my mother and I went down the drain. After trial she hated me even more. Every day she was threatening to kick me out of the house. I was only sixteen so she couldn't just kick me out. Yet! She even got so angry at times. She went as far as not letting me communicate with my newborn brother. She even told people to keep him away from me. That hurt me so bad everyday. I prayed to God everyday to soften my mother's heart, but it never happened. When I turned eighteen she finally kicked me out the house for real. With no place to go, no money , and no food to eat. I ended up living with family and friends until she let me back in. I don't know why, but I thought things had changed. About a week after moving she called the police and told them that I was prostituting. Which was a lie. Thank God I didn't spend time in jail. Due to her lies and deceit. I never thought I would have to leave my own mother alone. However, after that incident that was my final decision. Sporadically I call her to hear her voice, and check on my brother. Unfortunately she never answers the phone. Her guilt for abusing me won't let her answer the phone.
I moved to Albany, NY for a fresh start. A new beginning! There I met more friends, moved into a brand new apartment, and fell in love. I wasn't expecting to fall in love, but I did. With a adorable, hot, and sexy Italian guy. For the first time my life was great, and I was happy. I even tried some plus size modeling, nursing, and I started self-publishing my writings. I was accomplishing things that my mother never encouraged me to do.
After about four years I started feeling homesick . So I came back to Virginia. Wow! What destruction was happening. My whole family fell apart. Nothing or nobody were the same. They all became police property. That was a sign to continue to stay away from them. Continue my happy life. Continue self-publishing my stories. Praying to God everyday. that I remain successful. This is a true story. Unfortunately it happened to me. From a mother who brung me in this world. Only to use and abuse me my whole entire childhood. Then pretend that nothings even going on.
In a dark room music plays with a slow beat,
the neon lights make you white panties and bra look like a street.
You move your body slowly and so sexy to the music,
while i look at you threw the darkness of the room set.
A big silver gun on my hip and a mountain of coke on the table,
and nothing can distract me from the beauty i see dancing so stable.
Your every move hypnotizes me,
I think I am going blind cause i am beginning not to see.
I look at your hair how it waves there so perfectly,
your legs move just like i want them to, so delicately.
You touch your breasts and you hold your but,
you give me that look in your eyes like your not wanting to stop.
You unbutton your bra and cover your breasts with your palms,
the music dies down a little and calms.
You walk up to me and than music begins to play,
that's when you start moving your body on top of me and asking me to stay.
You kiss my ear and rub my legs,
your breast rub against my inner pains.
You feel me harder than a rock,
than you decide to grind my cock.
Your body moves so sexy and slowly to the music that i played,
my body is shaking from all the excitement that is payed.
You go in for the big finish, and i tell you to get back up,
cause a lady like you should do all that kind of crap.
Be with me, be with a BOSS,
Who cares if the people i killed ever took a loss.
Dedicated to all the woman of the world.
PS: You are not trash, you are not ......... you are precious jewels. Stay that way ladies. I love you all.
Angels in heaven
Dancing on a small puddle
Always stay afloat
Come hither my daughter nay,
Rest your weary brow.
Let thou' est tears flow freely,
Between hearts companions.
Strong shoulders balance shifting,
Beliefs trust in one anther,
Equalizing the scale.
Emotions roller coaster,
Youths growing pains pass
Rest at ease, within homes
Outside forces that seem
To crowed you in are repelled.
Safe harbor lies ahead follow,
Instincts guiding light.
Be not worried a calming,
Maturities age lends worthy,
To open ears learning wisdom's,
Solutions gratitude heals,
Building strong future,
Graceful dancer step lightly,
Across Life's stage,
Let destinies winds turn,
But always remember mother,
Remains constantly near,
To challenge, protect that,
Which s most dear.
BY: CHERYL ANN DUNN
With a ragged bag and a sack, I am leaving you to chase a dream…
Dry your tears, my dear; no more wail. No more songs of grief,
No more tired bones and tired soul. Just dry your tears.
How mother died awhile ago and father stayed, and made us howl
Like ghastly wolf, a creature of the night. The food we scrounged on
The floor, when your tummy cried… my eyes cried.
But dry your tears little one… just dry your tears,
I have words in a bag, a dream in a sack. I have stories and novels
Poems and tears. Remember the sweater I gave you, when even fury dogs
Would freeze? I lied when I said ‘I felt heat, I just ate or I just smiled – you missed it.’
Close your eyes, and do not stare at my back, not tattoos, just
Scars on my back, disfigurements I wear.
But dry your tears little one… just dry your tears.
Hold on! Even when wolves are circling, knaves are preying
And God is loping deaf. There are stars and there are blooms that
Even we shall see. Just dry your tears my little one… just dry your tears.
Sitting in a chair and watching a movie I get a phone call,
She's dead, my little sister tells me, and I drop the ball.
you are really gone, I can't believe how this can happen,
You didn't have to go, I wish I could of dropped in.
Hearing and seeing all the tears that are being poured out for you is very sad,
This day will be remembered in yours and you two little angels forever and that's not bad.
Not being able to see you any more will be hard but ill think of something to occupy my self,
But till than tho, shine bright for our God and save me a crown a big shelf.
Dedication to: Alina Bukhanstova and her two little angels.
PS: R.I.P, you will be missed.
I know I knew love for the first time when I saw your
come home from the hospital after being born.
I know it because
that's my first memory.
Love, oh my!
I'm 50 years old and I think you've got a better grip on it than I do.
In some ways.
I love your father. I married him because
to have you and Reed and I wanted you to have a good father.
When I married him, I thought that I had to be married in order to have kids.
I also thought that whoever I married would meet
not only my primary expectation (which was being a good father)
but would also meet my expectations
of being a good lover,
a good shoulder to cry on,
a good cook and clean-upper,
a good reader of my moods,
a good friend,
a good .....
And I thought that when I got married, all the rest of that was s'posed to happen.
I love your father.
I love that you and Reed are here.
I am SOOOOOOO glad you two came into my life and I'll never forget the moments
that you did.
Love, oh my!
Baby girl, sugar-foot, keep on rockin'. I gotcher back best I can
The love I've learned from you and your brother is
so intense, so
FREAKIN' selfish feelin' to me.
I wanna see your passport, and I wanna hug you.
Love, oh my!
Thanks for being my daughter.
Crown of Sonnets
Dam girl when Im locked up you set me free/
When Im not myself you set me free/
Im behind the lock and you got the key/
Im blind with hate but you helpmy love see/
WhenIm lot and alone you take the lead/
Without you I could have never planted my seed/
I hate to say it but you make me better/
You know I love you even without this letter/
When Im cold with sadness you my comfort warm sweater/
I know I can be a bad boyfriend but Im going to be a better father/
I might have wanted a son, but it really didnt matter because now you having my daughter/
Im guess Im too stubborn girl with me why you even bother/
my heart gets heart gets colder but for you it only gets hotter........
I can't hear the words as they come from my mouth
I can't hear the screams as they work their way out
As I write all is seen is a blur and blank moment and
Once recovered sensed the words were written,not
Even a look to see what was written only to know it
Was there.Sleepless night,taunt filled faces horde my
Dreams.Have this made me fall so low no longer am I
Am I able to stand on my own to feet.How many times
Will you make me cry before claiming only to being a
Witness in a crime,your crime. Putting on that face
Working the crowds with amazing easily,how I hate you
Yes all the thing I think about revolve around you.
How many times have I witness myself wound my self
With your blade? As though under a spell doing as order
Without a cry to the world what made me so diligent ?
But no longer can you be a witness,No longer can I be
A witness to these crimes that been committed.Be us both
Sinners be us both lovers be that we both be cursed
We shall witness our sins become whole and the love in
Which we share spread further and further like the flames
Of hades. May there be peace for sinners in the next world.
We are both witnesses and at the same time
We are both sinners one day to become consumed by our
Own darkness how far will we fall until that moment comes?
May we be good may we be bad may we fall may we live may
May we die or carry on we are the Witnesses We are the Sinners
To this world and the next.
King Of The Fallen
Look upon the king.See his proud stance,his gentle eyes,and his charming smile.Once the prince looked over by and loved by everyone,no one knowing his true self.
See his proud stance,he stands and look down on people.
His gentle eye show nothing more then lies.
Such a caring smiling he uses to massacre thousands.
Let him rule your mind but keep your heart
Let him judge over you but never about you
Let him rain cruelty over but may you remain pure
Look upon my king see his monarchy shatter before his eye's,as the evil he has done catch up to him.His children taken,his wife's broken,and his castle destroyed.
Look at the prince who was loved,look at the king who was feared,looks at the king who is now fallen into despair.
Look upon the king.See his proud stance,his gentle eye and charming smile.
See his proud stance as he looked on down on the weak.
See his gentle eye's,see the lies that spur in them.
See his charming smile,like a wicked prince ready to tangle you up and put your out of your mind..
He has fallen
He is broken
He was taken
He is now in despair
He has ruled your mind,now his heart is gone.
He has judged you,now is being judged for himself of himself.
He has rain cruelty over you,now he is impure and Ingenta.
Look he's kingdom has fell and now the deed's of his injustice has ensnared him.
Look his leg's broken.
Look his eye's have been gouged.
Look his smile has been cut.
Look at his wives they are broken.
Look at they children are taken without words of appease.
And his home is destroy in flames.
Look upon the the fallen king,no tears shall fall from his eye's only the blood from his mouth,and the words of death.
Fare thee well world,this game of cat and mouse,and of death and life.How I enjoyed it to the fullest,but now my home is in fired my children taken my wives broken and my body destroyed.This must be punishment for being the King of the Fallen.
My parents taught me the Christian ways.
I was taught to obey what the Bible says.
I was proud of my parents! I really was!
And loved them so much… Just because!
They meant everything to me! I was proud!
Until one day... There appeared “a dark cloud.”
It was like a “darkness” hovered above.
Leaving their marriage empty of needed love!
Though they were together many years.
There were many cracks that soon appeared.
I say a once happy home soon destroyed.
Being with one another…. They no longer enjoyed!
How could this happen! I had wondered…
To see a happy marriage “totally plundered
As sin crept in... And allowed to prevail.
Very soon this marriage simply failed.
May this be a warning for me and you…
That our commitment remains faithful and true!
If your marriage is heading toward separation…
Please seek God for a healing and restoration!
If your planning to have a divorce..
Jesus’ love can put it on the right course!
He can replace the brokenness and hurt within..
And can put your lives back together AGAIN!
By Jim Pemberton
Your love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and i'm
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried
by the dove of someone I use to know.
As sin and perversion often
So many lives and families
are being “disintegrated.”
Many are being driven by sin’s temptation force…
It’s no wonder much of this country
is way “off course.”
The morality and values that once made a great nation.
Are evaporating…. Leading to a
Love, honor, and respect of God…
Is often a “thing of the past.”
Anything of God seems to be
God is our only hope! And him alone!
Only he can bring healing to our broken homes!
He’s the answer to this wounded nation, that bleeds!
It’s only God that can meet all of our needs!
He’s our provider… The great: “I am!”
Won’t you reach out to him?
And give him your hand?
Why not give him a chance? And allow him in?
A brand new life for you…
Is waiting to begin!
May we allow God’s holiness and love to reach
down into our hearts…
Asking; “Lord please forgive our sins!”
Is a good place to start!
By Jim Pemberton
I am not like your earthly father, why do you treat Me like him?
I am an all consuming love
I am not double-minded; I can’t lie or hurt you with sin,
I created you to be more than what you currently are,
For the father fracture has caused so many of My children to be scared,
All men are broken,
All men were broken,
By their fathers who passed it down to you,
My sons and daughters there is nothing to impossible for me too do,
I am much bigger than anything you face and fear,
I am the Father who has seen every tear,
I am the Father who knows your deepest pain,
I am the Father who will always remain,
Though many fathers meant well they still could never be,
All that I am able to be unto thee,
You’re not your father, you’re not going to be the same,
You were never meant to live with the anxieties of a childhood filled with pain,
So let Me love you, let me in, I am not counting all your sins,
Let Me show you what you have never seen,
For perfect love heals and restores all lost dreams,
I am not your father, please blame me no more,
If you could only see what I have planned for your future; the greatness I have in store,
You would understand, you would forget the past,
You would forgive your fathers, who didn’t know better and couldn’t fulfill their tasks,
A generation has been created,
That has been jaded and recklessly complicated,
I understand, but take my hand; I am not like a carnal man,
I will show you unconditional love that will never fail,
When things get tough I am the Father who will never bail,
I am not like your father, I have been falsely accused,
I am the father who will never leave your side, disappoint you, or abuse
I have watched you all your life suffer in silence, while hiding behind everything and anything to numb yourself well,
I was there every time you slipped up and every time you fell,
But listen my beloved, I call out to you each day,
Just stay quiet for a moment and you will hear what I want to say…
I am here; you are ever before me, for I carved your name in my hand,
I know how to reach you, for I loved you before you ever reached this land,
A broken child becomes a broken man,
Until he knows his heavenly Father is his biggest fan.
Give Me a chance to show you and you will finally understand
That it is My love that will guide you, just take hold of my hand.
By: Sabina Nicole
Everybody knows that it's against the law for grown men and grown women to date all of the underage boys and girls,. let alone a 14-year-old boy or a 15-year-old girl. The law also states that any adult who tries to have this so-called "intimate sexual relationship" with any of the underage boys and/or girls would likely go to jail for a period of time and upon release, they'll have to be register sex offenders for the rest of their lives. It seems that those teen girls would rather date men in their 20's or 30s than guys their age and those teen boys would rather date women twice their age than girls their age, as well. but luckily, their parents (the mothers and the fathers) are here to prevent these so-called "May-December" relationships from ever happening, especially when they're protecting their teenage offspring from dirt-bags like these would-be pedophiles. But no matter what the parents do, no matter how hard they try, their teen sons and/or daughters, they secretly continuing dating older men/older women, even at night (midnight, 2 am, or 3 in the morning, e.g.). And the next thing everybody knows, their parents, they will have found out about it; thereby finding them in bed with the adults; their parents should make multiple police reports and pud the cradle robbers behind bars for good. Boy this is starting to look like an episode of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (Season 6-Episode 19-Intoxicated featuring Danielle Panabaker) and an episode of "Snapped," especially when Sarah Johnson killed her own parents in cold blood because she was afraid that the late Mr. and Mrs. Alan and Diane Johnson would send this guy name Bruno Santos to prison or have him deported back to Mexico for statutory rape (by way of dating a then-16-year-old girl). There's no way that those teen boys and teen girls are ever going to get into a bunch of serious, intimate relationships with a bunch of would-be cradle-robbing adults. They need to concentrate on their education and they need to be with guys and girls their age. I mean, one teen boy dating a n adult female? One teen girl dating an older man? My God, their parents will be seriously upset about this. Who on Earth would be dumb enough to fall for an older woman or an older man? And if these would-be pedophiles in the form of grown men and women even attempt to rob these teen boys and girls of their innocence and whatnot, the parents are going to have a problem up in here.
A Better Life
I don't know why she hides,
I don't know why she shivers,
I don't know why she cries,
I don't know why she quivers,
Daddy's girl is all alone,
And I don't know how to help her,
Daddy's world is all but blown,
And I don't know what to tell her,
What happened to her confidence,
And her self assured way,
Which used to be so prominent,
In all she did or would say,
Who stole my little girl’s heart,
And drove her to such confusion,
She now slowly does her part,
As if all she has is illusion,
She knows I would kill any other man,
For doing such harm to my little girl,
But this is much more than I can stand,
As it has forever blown apart my world,
They took ‘steps’ to the next level,
And now they each look to me in despair,
I warned them each to be careful,
But the forbidden fruit they shared,
Now I look at one without trust,
Yet I still love my son so very much,
I still hold her distant as I must,
But she needs Daddy’s healing touch,
Why do I have to be the bad guy,
When my children need my help,
I pushed one out and I still cry,
While I can't help her help herself,
There is no way to win here,
And my tears won't stop falling,
I have lost them both I fear,
And my fears won't stop calling,
I don’t know what to do anymore,
Or how I can help either of them,
Both children my heart cries out for,
But the truth is neither can win,
And for this my darling kids,
I am so sorry I can’t decide,
Which to disown or which to kiss,
When I am actually on both your sides,
So I pray that both her and him,
Of whom I am so very proud,
Do not give up and become victims,
Who wear this pain like a shroud,
I pray both of you hear my advice,
Get over this hardship and understand,
This lesson with its terrible price,
Is one where you do as best you can,
To forgive and move on from here,
Without Dad having to choose a side,
And to let go of all that you fear,
If you want to grow to have a better life.
Oh gracious daughter of Aye
beautiful woman has come
queen of joy pleasing to thy king
Oh green eyed silent beauty
Voice as sweet as a kind heart
Eye brows as straight as an arrow
Oh great beauty of Aton
Fingers coated with melted gold
Shaped with a swarm like neck
Oh princess among many others
Resolute cheeks steady as gaze
Gleaming hair with colored locks
Oh woman as capable as a man
lips as bright as berry fondant
Eyes outlined with silver glimmer
Oh daughter dark and comely
Legs long like the harvestman
Waist as round as a circle
Oh queen of beauty and devotion
Won respect in history of women
As most beautiful in your time
Remembered for beauty and power
I do not know?
How much more can I take?
Searching for love only to find dust in the wind
Sick and tired of the same ol same ol
I know, I know I’ll never meet someone like you ever again
Pictures before our wedding you had a magical glow
Now you walk around like you need a dose of Zoloft
Accusing me of not loving you enough
Hope I’m around to see my sons and daughters turn 50
But I’m afraid to put all my ice on
I have a feeling that I need to shine every time
The lights flash
Someone may want to take it to the pawn shop.
Them waiting at the light and throwing me out of my car to
Steal the wheels underneath my buttocks
Forget it, 10 out of 10 people die so I’ll just
Leave my mark on the world while I’m here.
Six hundred and sixty six offsprings wild and destructive
I can feel the beast within
It was just the way I was feeling
Sorry to unload on you.
They put the Africans on ships
And sold us to slavery so of course
I have a problem with minimum wages
Now they lock my brothers up with maximum stays.
Apparently, there must be a lot of drug addicts.
Every kingpin rise and fall but drugs are still a Trillion Dollar business
Who is to blame?
The businessmen or the consumer?
I guess it just gives me something else to write about!
I was poor so of course I want to be rich
But I’m stuck working behind a desk making another man rich.
They can fire me any time they like and that leaves me wondering
How to get formula that costs more than $20.00 a pop. Now multiply
That number with all the newborns and you’ll see who are the real kingpins
In my spirit I feel I was meant for more
To be able to give freely and not worry about making any payments.
Looking out of the window of a Hyundai at the white family driving by in their Mercedes
Wondering why I couldn’t be born in the Gates family.
They have gates that cost more than most people make in a lifetime.
Never being satisfied with one so now I’m on number three and years from now
Doing all I can to avoid my daughter asking me one day,
“Daddy, why did you leave?”
Dreading twenty years from today when she says “she is in love and wants to give it up”
Terrified of her growing a butt and some hips
Plus she’s bright
Just like the way the dope boys like them
Somehow I plan to beat Karma
With my hands if I have to
I’m looking in your eyes and your tears fall down your cheeks and the oracle states this is
I throw a penny in the waterfall asking for one more chance.
And you respond with “I never want to see you again!”
Let not the pain of death enter my body
I the Pharaoh, son of the gods
Here my wife, who is the daughter of the Nile
The daughter of Isis sits beside my throne,
Is she not beautiful?
I live and roam the abode of the gods,
In eternity I stay with the majesties
Of the immortal gods
Mortality has no hold of me
I alone carry the staff of Osiris,
Behold! I judge thy weight of the heart,
With that of the golden feather
Thoth that measures thy heart shall tell me of thy hearts content.
If I find thy heart lighter than the feather;
And find thy honesty,
I shall let you enter the heaven of the gods and goddesses.
If not, than, a beast to devour thee, waits for the dishonest.
Know me by my throne, made of gold
I am cloth with ornaments made of jade and sapphire,
White silk of clothing, with jewels from far away lands.
Anyone that dear look down upon me shall die
And those that despise me, shall fine their homes burned down,
with fires from heaven.
Who am I? I have asked thee
Look at Anubis, the son of Nephthys bringer of death.
Do you await him to bring me great sorrow?
Shall he warp me with a yard of cloth?
Shall I find peace in death and my fate be judge by him?
If so, I have a place among them.
My afterlife is in paradise, their awaits a bundle of joy
With music of the immortal, with harps, lutes, lyres
And servants to tend to my every need.
But even if I die, the weight of mine own heart, shall be as light as a feather.
For I know mine own honesty.
As I sail across the sandbank of Apophis,
I have my guide, Ra, the god of the sun to light my path
No monstrous serpent of chaos shall wreck his boat,
The boat in which, I am in.
So, I ask thee, traveler from the west
What is thy business with a god?
Look at my palace, is it not magnificent?
Has is not, the decoration and flowers that surpasses all human designs?
I have built these with rocks
Sands was the foundation of my legacy,
Shall all things compare to that of the passed days?
I carry the burden of my glory, and yes, it is heavy.
But will such foundation as the sand be strong enough to hold against the tide?
Love is abiding that is true, but only in those who welcomes it.
My love for my beautiful wife, oh! How well have I been treated
With love from her is better than any pleasure a man can have.
Faithful to the gods or my wife? that I know not.
YOUNG CRONUS (5.7.09)
My father decided he wanted his children
buried, and left for dead.
But my mother, Gaea, both fair and true,
spared her children instead.
So I met with my selfish father,
where, by Gaea, we both were led,
and, holding the sickle she gave me,
this is what I said:
"Hello, dearest father.
I'm glad that you came. After years without you,
I know how you feel about us.
I just hope you know: We feel the same about you."
"But we are not here to argue.
I came here to say good bye."
He knew farewells were in order,
but he did not yet, know why.
I explained our situation,
as my siblings stood idly by,
saying, "If you don't want to have children,
you cannot be swayed, so I won't even try.
But its too late to go back now.
You cannot erase my family and I.
So that leaves us only one option,
and that's why I'm saying goodbye."
"Goodbye, worthless father.
I'm glad that you came. Now pay what is due.
We know how you feel about us,
and now you know how we feel about you."
He regretted the seeds he had sewn,
so, in charity, I reaped his remorse.
I swung my sickle pure and precise,
with such fervent and furious force;
His blood was late to react to the wound,
and that which was lost by means of divorce,
found it's new home in the deep, dark, blue ocean-
unable to ever return to it's source.
Together with most of my brothers and sisters,
there seemed to be no better fit
than to send him away, as he would have sent us;
to the bottomless Tartarus pit.
"Goodbye, worthless father.
I'm glad that you came, and you paid what was due.
We knew how you felt about all of us,
so we showed you just how we all feel about you."
"Farewell forever, father.
I'm glad that you're gone, and I'll never atone.
Know that your fear was what you created,
as I take my seat in what once was your throne."
We began so little and young,
Life beat us bad and twisted our tongue.
You and I walked a pretty rough road I can say
When you stumbled I was always there to make you stay.
Stay and not give up, I didn't give up on you than, so I wont give up on you now,
We danced our life so brutally and softly, but this time you didn't look my way and bounced.
I thought we would go on like this forever, but I guess like people say,
Nothing lasts forever.
My time keeps ticking/ Fresh outta mind prison/ I still have a hard time trying to listen/
I keep on walking yet I keep on tripping/ The pain in my brain heart thickens/
Redemption for change Im still missing/
Im still on the reservation/ Dont any of my own people see the alcoholic devestation?/
More self destruction than self creation/ Addicted alcholism among our own we keep making/ Young hearts and souls everyday we be breaking/ Most of us young souls around here are rarely forgiven because we are to busy been forsaken/
This is my own mind made prison astrology/ Im hard like a rock involved in geology/
Dont any of my people understand this poverished prison geolgraphy/
Our destruction can be seen in NAT GEO, dont you people see it in the photography/
Time is no joke nor is it alive yet somehow it can still bleed/
Im still out of prison yet in my mind it still doesn't feel like I have been set free/
I know my out out but I dont have the keys/ In or out it still remains hard just to be me/
Everything now days in life cost a fee/ Its not my culture its the American Greed/
I guess now days I gotta leave a trail, I gotta PLANT MY VERY OWN SEEDS......
[Daughters of Lamia]
Today we walk from our graves
You can't wish, pray it away
The Inflamed Coven's emerged
You Will receive what you deserve
Retribution of the flaming shade
Your Malice will be paid, In Harm's way
Her Convoluted face burning with fear
Of the fall of the gate
seering their minds with the deft of the legion
The Army of the plague
Scourges your land
Scourges your Children
Scourges your hope
I, The White Madonna - The Poison Mistress
Hold The Rose to Salvation - Hold The Fruit to Arcane
Closer, Come, Child you are mine
[Daughter's of Lamia]
Lady Arcane wants your fear
Lady Arcane wants you near
Lady Arcan is here
Lurking In your tears
clinging to your spilled blood
the east has always been near
The Left hand reaches to the right side in disguise
In Malice's Disguise
Therionacy break you down to thy knees
To Thy Knees!
I do not know?
As I look at the whites of your eyes
I feel horror, fear rumbling inside me.
I grind my teeth together when I see you walking.
I fear you, I fear when you talk, shout, when you raise your hand.
I'v always feared you, but no more.
The fear I had of you I turned it into courage.
Now I no longer fear you.
I laugh when you raise your hand, when you shout.
Cuz the only thing I see you as...
Is a dead man walking.
And now your in the ground where you belong.
( If you may PLEASE comment of Mail me. Sorry i havn't been on in a long time... ALOT has happened this year to me)
The Best Days of My Life: The Family Day!
Just like a person can have more than one “Best Friends” in a lifetime,
One can also have more than one “Best Day of Their Life”.
I have had several “Best Days” in my life, but a few really do stand out.
One of my best days was when my first daughter was born…and healthy.
From that day forward, I have loved and enjoyed her; she blesses my life.
Another best day in my life was the birth of my second healthy daughter.
From that day forward, I have enjoyed, loved, and learned from her.
She blesses my life. She and my first daughter love and help others, too.
We played, learned, laughed, loved, and enjoyed many best days together.
Then, my next best day arrived; it was the birth of my youngest child…a boy.
From that day forward, I have loved and enjoyed him; he blesses my life.
While my children were growing up: we loved, they danced…we camped.
Together we learned about God by studying His teachings and attending church.
Together we learned kindness by visiting the elderly, blind, sick, and disabled.
Together we learned helpfulness by taking time to help strangers in need.
We, with friends, helped keep our neighborhood clean, picking up park litter.
We sang nature’s symphonies…bathed in streams, washed hair in waterfalls.
Talents were developed and we watched one another’s performances.
Educations were earned and we praised one another’s accomplishments.
Families and careers were begun and my life continues to be blessed.
I have had many best days in my life with my children. And we have loved.
Everyday with my children, even struggles, were “Best Days of My Life”.
Now, they are grown, but we stay in touch, we love, we enjoy…and
There are grandchildren. So there will still be many “Best Days in My Life”.
And even though my children no longer live at home, I have been blessed.
I have one more of the already many “Best Days” to share. A late in life…
Best day is the meeting of and the marriage to my spiritual companion.
Our soul(s) having been completed was the most recent “Best Day of My Life”.
Together, we still live, seeking God’s word and living life caring and loving.
All…together— These blessings that I have shared are the best life can offer.
And these "Best Days" are the days I will remember for the rest of my life.
And beyond— The family day!
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 22, 2010
Poetic form: Narrative
When I'm home sick, sulking half the day because your not here,
And getting sadder if I say madder because your not there,
I remind myself in an unusual way theres worse fared,
If you don't mind being compared,
Repeating the many ways you cared,
The experiences fondly replayed in many ways,
Thoughts and memories that make me gay,
Every recipe, every taste,
Looking back it all seems in an awkward haste,
Now it is what I use to fill my plate,
It's what I use so I won't be late,
Staying here learning to appreciate,
All the miles, trucks caring freight..
For your Christmas gifts the children just can't wait,
But if you visit my mind would quake.