I’m Physically and Emotionally tired
I don’t want to be the strong one anymore
I can’t this time
I don’t know what to do Daddy
I need your help down here
I can’t get back in control of my emotions
I’m having a hard time dealing with your absence
I’m having a hard time standing by myself
I need your help Daddy
I’m broken and lost without you Daddy
I need your will to want to carry on
I need your strength to over come this
I need your strength to stay standing
Your courage to fight back again
I need your help
Please Daddy I’m at a loss
How am I suppose to do this
I need your guidance
I need you to guide me back
To whom I was before
I need your help Daddy
I need your help
A perfect crime.
The paper the victim,
the weapon a pen.
A perfect time.
The thoughts in my head,
a prayer, I say, amen.
A perfect day.
The mood is right,
it is time to begin.
A perfect way.
So I write, Father please,
forgive me for my sin.
A perfect start.
The liquid poison,
slowly kills the page.
A perfect heart.
from all the rage.
A perfect death.
Please go in peace,
Your soul to keep.
A perfect breath.
For it's the last,
please don't weep.
I had a wonderful day, what could have went wrong
Went to sleep feeling like a brand new man
Laying in bed, sleeping so peacefully
Two guys walked in unexpectedly
They said wake up, no hesitation
Ten bullets in my back, no explanation
Was this a dream I’m gonna wake up from
No its not, I’m a completely dead man
Why me? Answer my question
I had a family and other love ones.
Now I’m gone, but memory lives on
How about you where do you stand?
Moon Walk on Your Grave
A life begun in stardom,
now, ending up in shame.
Relentless media, cruel world,
who then is there to blame.
A sadness inside,
no tears on your face.
The pain all but over,
mass confusion erase.
In wonder we watch,
can a life be explained?
Can't surface your agony,
under facade you remained.
Let's focus on the talent,
musical joy that you gave.
In peace now I pray,
moon walk on your grave.
© Rene' Brady 2009
Waiting on inspiration and wasting time.
Yet the search continues until I'm out of my mind.
Then there's the other side of the story that nobody wants to hear.
And faced with reality,I realize my greatest fear.
With my bloodline destroyed,there's nothing left.
I embrace the day when I'll take my finale breathe.
For the end to come,now I welcome the day.
Then take to the grave,all the things I never got to say.
On my way to a place,where I'll finally find peace.
Just one more time,
just one more breath,
just one more moment to remember the past,
lull in thy memories,
breathe in thy essence,
to look upon thy face,
to know you still care,
to know what we had was special,
to be preserved in preferred memories.
Where I am going I know naught.
Floating as if in limpid water currents,
languor reaching but finding not,
solitary enraged soul longing for one more kiss,
one kiss whence naught.
Malformed monsters feast
upon the vermin ravishing mine soul,
my tender heart loathing sunset’s rays enfold,
nighttime beseech me, broken heart unfold.
Another night shine through tears,
summoned by memories a hundredfold,
putrid time consumes life;
Cruel Life Sleeps.
The distant sound of foot fall as
I trod a barren land
Diminished to an echo near my heart
My "patience" through the years has
Brought me to a still born stand
Encompassed by the fears of a new start
Grieve I for the life I've lost
Forever laid to rest
My emptiness is now a hardened shell
My struggle to surrender fights
Temptation to resist
Who will be the victor? Time will tell.
The time moves so slowly now that we are apart,
each minute passes with a beat of my heart.
I long for the time that we spent together and wish those moments could last forever.
How I miss you and long for your touch,
your tender words and thoughtfulness that I loved so much.
As the sun sets and another day is done,
I know someday we will be as one.
So my love know this to be true,
only God knows how much I miss you.
Passed away this day 11/16/2012
A bright light in our lives
That was always so giving
Could not have been sweeter
Nor softer in manner.
To fade into history
Will e’er be a mystery
Seems the sweetest are chosen
O’er all of the rest
And whose absence will be felt
For e’er so long…
We’ll all miss their presence
Farewell my beloveds
…Twinkies and ding dongs…
(at least they went together)
A long list of names with not a friend among them
Is it just of book of hidden faces
Not a single word I've ever said was
written with truth
And here's the proof
When there's tears streaming down my face
Stuck in place
Is a smile that is a lie
When every time I look around
I want to die
No friendly faces, in the brightest of places
And I can't make a sound
Is this life or is it just a dark hell
How is one to live without living
Lost in a sea of sound
The darkness inside me
Is seeping through my heart
and making me lose my self control
Turn the shower up higher so they don't hear me cry
It's all I can do, just living a lie
The friends I thought I had
left when I was reaching my lowest
Now as I sink below the surface
The sun is the dimmest of lights
Scratching at my sides
Not ready to go back to the blade
So long gone, I've reached the breaking point
but I'm afraid to let go
WHEN I FAILED
Tears is what strolled past me
Lost and sad is what i feel
When it all crush me clean
My tears is full to the brim
Now i know life is not as it is in movies
And not as seen in the Disney’s
The greats are not made by eases’
I failed but still do not cease
Life thought me hard so young
I saw my life crushed all along
Now i see life so real; not long
I fell and disappointed but now strong
The song starts to play and I start to cry
How can so much hurt come from a song like that?
Once upon a time it used to bring me happiness and laughs
Now all it brings me is sorrow
You were my world and the song was ours
Now you're gone leaving me with nothing but a broken heart
It isn't easy to forget about everything
That song meant so much to me and now it's all been taken away
I had a dream that the song was going to bring us together again
But now, I don't want to listen to the song anymore
The song is a constant reminder of our tragedy and it will always hurt
I've tried to forget but nothing seems to work
I'll listen to that song a million times more
Until the day we are reunited, together forever
Beheld thee ever the face of Death?
Felt thee the cold haunting breathe?
Hasth thee looked through the hollow eyes
And shivered Upon hearing the astral cries?
Take but a moment, just a moment
And close thy eyes and reflect.
The almighty by his hand spinned Earth
And therein obliviously placed Death.
Now, beheld thee ever the face of Death?
Felt thee the cold haunting breathe
When thee gape through the misty mirror
At thy skeleton's dramatic error?
Hasth thee watched the lips hitch
And heard the Medusan screech?
Hasth thee looked through the hollow eyes
And seen with fright thy dreadful face?
Her eyes were never dry
Since she was born she would always cry…
No matter what kind of lie I would tell
She would see right through me , a smile she didn't sell…
I don’t blame her when her lips fell…
She knew the world was aware of our pain…
She knew nobody cared about evils reign
She knew nobody cared about every body that laid lifeless on the city streets…
So I understand…
In her still so young heart
Knowledge of the world there was that no man had…
Even though she knew it could get her killed she just couldn't stand
When justice wasn't served
When her mothers killers were free
And we get something no human deserves…
So I ask her please smile…
The pain will last just for a little while…
This is where my grief met Jeremiah's lamentations
As far as the east is from the west, that’s how far the Lord has removed our transgressions from us?
Why do I feel not far removed from my sins or the sins of others?
Suffocated by faults and indiscretions of human-ness that lacks discretion
Of fearlessness; the lack of intuition
Of childishness but a child born in the wrong time?
But God’s timing is always right?
Can you see this Lord?
Is heaven mastering this disaster only for our inferior minds to finally resurrect from the shambles?
And realise that You have been building us a new city all along.
I believe in the Author of fate so maybe that is where my hope springs from
Or from the crippling fear of the effects of reality
Is this how feeble we are as humans?
How our chromosomes, blood cells, alleles all created from dust can just wither away when one gust of wind comes before we can find shelter
How our intangible thoughts are invisible holograms that effect nothing
Our father who art in heaven should we lose faith while we are on earth because there is plenty in heaven?
Will we make it the pearly gates with our infirm humanly wrongs and all the cavities punctured in our teeth
And speak to the guardians in low tones of how we praised the Creator on earth forgetting to mention how our own faults in the sweetened land He placed us in; have led us to corroded incisors
We consume more sweetened sin than soured heaven.
I cannot stare at my reflection in the mirror because I feel like a ghost
And legend has it that once the undead return they leave no shadow
They simply exist among other human humans
Who put status updates on their whatsapps saying ‘be still and know that I am God?’
It is easy to be transfixed in the same position when the walls around you are not caving in
I feel I have been saying much without saying anything,
Because maybe this conversation should just be between me and Him
But I do not know what to say to Him
My human human-ness has failed me once again
So maybe He could just look into my laden heart, desperate thoughts and fearful mind
And decide where I can go from here
Where they can go from here
Where we can go from here...
For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever
All in one faded-black day
(but let None forget)
In my arms, her body lay
(my life was the price to pay)
A tragedy, through the lack of humanly shame
(do they know pain)
My darkly colleen has to suffer no more
(Robert nor do you)
Let me die
(please hear my haunted cries)
If I can not see Sophie tonight
(live on with my grey)
I'm just a mess of despairing words
And broken nerves
Another mourning, afflicted sight
(through decay, love can remain)
Solace, sympathy are just more lies
She is all I need
Until you decide she is just another sadist's toy
My Angel, why did you have to fly so far away
My Angel, just let one feather stay
My Angel has flown away
My Angel, why did you have to fly so far away
My Angel, just let one feather stay
My Angel has flown away
(My body is amortal, die I may,
Together, our hearts will forever stay)
My heart egos and my life drained from me
Simple life I live, I act as I know all
But I know not, no, not even a little
I earnestly seek for recognitions
But my life and my heart is a hole.
An empty vessel, soulless, loveless
I have been succumb by the pain of heart aches
I have become a broken man,
Know not what my future holds
I envy those who went before me, who were acknowledge
I hold on to the little shred of hope in me,
I am being drowned by my own sorrows.
Love, hate, a new beginning and ending of my old self never seems to happen
My wrath against my enemies is nothing for they humor me with insults.
Let not death come to me in misery and despair,
For life is full of joy and full of sorrows.
Love me, as who would love a stranger from nowhere.
Let my sorrows be taken away by the love of many
But at last, no one would.
Don’t cry for me, for no one knows me
They came before my grave and said “who is this man?”
“Why is the name not written?”
It is not written because I am nothing
Don’t shed a tear for the stranger such as me.
Life is like a dream on a calm sea,
As the captain gracefully steer and gently moves its rudder.
The passenger puts their lives in his hands,
A calm sea is the heaven of any sailor.
“So, where is my captain?”
The wind blows every so gently,
But my heart sinks gently into the sea;
Who will mourn for the stranger?
Drowned from my grief,
My faith begins to waver like a ship tossed around by the winnowing wind
My heaven, my calm sea turns against me as I sail the Galilean sea
“Where are thy words that calm the raging storm?”
Ay! I have no peace even in my passing.
I have not thy words of command,
For my faith has been tossed away by the hating winds,
Shallow, empty, and broken I lay here in an unnamed grave.
Only thy mercy will guide me to the third heaven!
Let my sorrows be washed away by the blood of the innocent lamp.
Let thy words be the honey drops for mine,
As this world knows only lies
Blinded by greed and lust,
They seek only to destroy of what they fear.
And my sorrows are tossed away by thy promises.
For thy compassion for lost sheep is great.
"Have I found peace?"
I have, for I know my heart is at rest when my body has aged
And my salvation has come
When I died with thy Words of truth
How silently you left us, and went far away,
Promptly you departed this world and passed away,
You the kind hearted, chirpy and nice to all,
Grief of not being here make us right to fall,
Affection and radiant smile of you will stay forever in our heart,
Soulful eyes crammed with tears will become blazing on the hearth,
Don’t tempt the thoughts of questioning and beseeching in your mind,
Everyone will have to go, when it will be! Is difficult to find,
Life is going on with no pause,
Sometime it happens death has no cause!!!
May Almighty enlighten your entire deeds,
May He forgive your all error seeds,
May your soul remain in peace and Comfortable, (Ameen)
As the Life you had spent is Remarkable.
M.Shahid. H. Chouhdry
It was the dead of night the cold moon gave a faint light.
It's melancholy glance covered the trees they were bare and barren of leaves.
A scream of terror pierced the night my blood ran cold with fright.
Suddenly I awake from this dream knowing what I have seen.
For you were taken from my side so I hang my head and cry.
I pray to God in peace you will be and I pray the same for me.
from this forest
where wild life once blossom’d
& from streams
where young sweety fishes
up-turn’d a thousand fragrance
in some belly-wise shows
drumming to many lips
to a ceremony of delicacies –
& then mother
i was a scukling
swept by the clan’s lovely drum
& then mother
i was a todler
graduating from your
suffocating in the dramatic
ecstacies of the native drum -
oh, i greet, mother
& your folks
swept by these new drums
of the bombs
singing of the poverty
in the land -
oh, weep not, niger!
Its taking Longer than it
Harder than I dreamed;
Different from what I
My heart yearns for its
But life creates its everyday
My mind is engulfed with
this chronic pain;
And stressed out with
thinking is my brain;
Is this going to last
Won't this leave and stay in
Question upon Question;
Still I find my self in my
I should chill now;
As I don't want to shed a
But I still wait in hope and
Fear that i'll remain with
And hope that my fear
would just be a deceiver;
You flourished and blurred
like a spark on wind
Gracefully and quickly like a frightened hind
in pursuit of light
You harvested through bushy meadows
taken by blight
In struggle with plight
had you lost your might
And gave out
although never you gave up.
Where are you?
For you must be still there.
For I still can feel you
somewhere in the air.
Roam alike the devil I on thy land
Quiet silent without perfect ambition grand,
Wherever peep find people proudly proceed
Solely cede sociably at that no heed.
Sober savory what served me macabre trouble
Little thought of revolution posting my fault double,
Tension not towards God who purifies our soul,
Yet enthralled by each His materialistic power whole.
Their glory to seduce innocent is unreliable claim,
Promoted theft, corruption and forgery as if master game.
Cluster of vampires moving freely enjoying regular thrust
New born dies wanting milk in his mother's breast.
Groaning love lying lurking under pressure worldly power
Cunning crazy wiseacre searching wholly practical hour;
Warns nature recurrent leave polemics be providential,
Provide honest support allow living them all dimensional.
Today, my heart heaves a heavy weight
Why, O! Why?
The soul crushing goodbye
Fervently I pray,
To see you just one more day
We part ways knowing it not our last
Looking ahead, thinking of our next
But Death, too grotesque, had other plans;
My burden to bear!
Why this painful news,
Only God knows
Wake me from this dream
A cold, unfathomable abyss
That I never want to revisit
We bow our head in sadness
And bury our faces in distress
My heart full of pain resonates its tears
If only, If only
We could haggle out of our demise
Gone too soon
The sheer disbelief
The promises you vowed to keep
Goals to reach before you finally sleep
You may be no more but not in my mind
Still here with me
If only I can see
A staked heart, resounding unbound tears
Forget you not; to miss you a lot
Lost souls, forgotten families
Never to me
Good tales we've heard
From generations long and dead
The happy ending cliche
For your soul, I pray
Here our fate! separated by worlds
While I wait
For the powers that be, to bide us again one day
But more, for in mere simplicity
I will never say goodbye
Forever with me,
My brother, my blood
In Loving Memory of our Lost Souls
an half-part of his face
painted white as of spirits
& the other side being human
he steps into the esplanade
isn't he the symbol of deity?
didn't ikenga his father do same?
didn't his foremost great fathers
the fathers of the nine clans
the nine clans by this river -
oh, didn't they all do same
in appeasement of this angry niger?
they stood in aware of this flood-gate
of the waters of the millennium -
come, fathers, come, save our souls
the souls of the renegades
of the nine clans by this river -
the floods have taken captive
the boundlessness of your lands
ah, niger, the weeping one!
On a day never unseen
when our souls are called to rest
And our bodies returned to dust
From whence they came
Whether burdened with age
Or unable to cross life's next stage
If in bed we Lia in wait
Or by force others do take
On a day not unforeseen
When the key to our creation
Unlocks the door to mans destruction
And all hope in life, LOST...!
As men have always been half
in love with death
Cyclically life and death move
For death brings us sorrow
But a day would come we will all follow
And when again life is gone
In new bodies we shall be born
In whom evil dominates
A lower being regenerates
In whom good prevails
A pure soul avails
I know there will be sleeping
enough in the grave
Yet when i fast, i got hungry and
Knowing fully well that the fast is
not going to last.
I see the cloud becoming thick,
dark and brownish
It rains, i expect the pains to
I have power, but i don't have
I couldn't stay an hour in the
mansion, I like it here in the tent.
It taste like sweet in my mouth
when i ate the mango
But in my stomach it stood on
one leg like flamingo
The flowers are beautiful as
confirmed by the eyes
But who deserves the most
credit? Is it the flowers, for being
beautiful or the eyes for seeing it
Before you see my trouble
Try and see my struggle
In the summer of 2007, God received an angel.
The Angels name was Katie.
Katie was sweet & Katie was good
But I guess God wanted sweet old Katie
Out of the hood.
She did all she could, she gave all she had
But never in her life treated anyone bad.
Jesus, I know that she’s good
I know that she is great
But sometimes I just hate,
Hate that she is gone
Hate that she is away
I think about her everyday.
Everyone & Everything is changing
Family is falling apart,
Oh why it’s breaking my heart.
Tearing the house down acting like pure clowns
God you got a gift
But sometimes I wish,
Wish you hadn’t took my Angel
Wish you would have let her stay a little longer.
God received an Angel.
The Angels name was Katie
I hope Katie is with me daily
Until I die & visit her in the sky
House is up wholesale, everyone thinking
“WHAT THE HELL”
Angels, Angels, Angels
Angels flying here, Angels flying there
Angels are flying around just about any & everywhere
You took a couple of my families angels in strange ways
I get up in the morning wondering when is my day
& who will be next to depart us.
My heart was broken when you took my Angel
Oh, why did you have to take her,
Her out of all people
She followed the rules and the laws
But I am wondering is that all.
REQUIEM FOR LOVE
Let the flood of my tears drown this day
And soar my spirit to the base of tartarus…!
O Cupid…come Pothos and Himeros
Where are thy powers to hold still?
Are thou wearied by human caprices,
Of whose hands fate lies then?
Elusive Aphrodite, of all thy allures
Thou perish in fantasies of beauty.
O fair rose, my heart is pierced,
Beneath thy bed is frame of thorns.
Gather ye four winds in monotonous drone
And let thee pines chime a dirge
O love...love…love…my love…my joy…
Is now lain a wreath upon my heart!
Years of love intrigues, of dreams, sacrifice,
Pain, trust, consolation and determination…
Is sold out a day to another who knows not,
For a piece of coin and a parcel of fancy.
Lento… lento the knell for a broken heart…
Love is clothed a shadow, beauty a mask!
Cry… for what is broken so shall remain
Never to be wiped, never to be patched!