Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
Copyright © Victoria Anderson-Throop | Year Posted 2012
I was growing there in you so eager to be born,
But God decided to take me to be with Him that morn.
Now I sit beside His throne with millions just like me;
Their mothers chose just to abort and not their baby see.
You were not like them at all, you waited for that day
When you would welcome me with love and not be in your way.
But God loves children very much regardless of their creed,
He said such were of kingdom there so I have met His need.
Though you are sad you never saw my smiling gentle face
There on the earth, you’ll see me here because of God’s great grace.
You’ll hold me for eternity in this land full of cheer,
So Mom, I just can hardly wait until I see you here!
This poem was written as comfort for my niece when she lost her second baby through miscarriage.
Copyright © Clarence Billheimer | Year Posted 2014
Gone and flushed out my life not through the simplicity of adoption,
But through another type of passing, this was my only option,
With no financial stability I lost all capability,
To care for you, they stripped you from me through my own admissibility,
How could you know I was your mother, I never even gave you a name,
I stripped my precious "No Name" of life and put myself to shame,
No face do I have, don't look, just turn away,
I feel judged as my face perceived my thoughts in a disarray,
I hear them all talking, screaming, "Murderer, killer!"
I can't bare this type of torture they yell, "Kill her, kill her!"
The voices in my head force my hand a little more by the day,
I took the life of my own and now my heart is starting to decay,
But deep down within you try to find some inner peace,
Oh but how that can never be see how your peace became so brief,
But don't think the simple feeling of stitches will give you healing,
With a sudden sigh of relief you could never compress this feeling,
All the shame and the pain and the hurt and the lies,
Sitting there all night in the mirror while you cry,
You do the crime you pay the time is usually the story's moral,
But I got out with an easy pass, oh how my thoughts begin to quarrel,
Sickness taking hold of me, but this is different from before,
Because this sickness isn't caused from the beautiful soul I once bore,
Once more, I live a life that feels like a living hell,
Can't you tell by my outward expression all the inner pain I dwell,
Of course I have times when I sit up all night and cry,
Maybe it's because I feel a part of me within has died,
Even though the sad reality is that a part of me was killed,
So maybe I shed tears at the thought that my own blood was spilled,
Cold chill going through the inner course of my vein,
Slowly but surely it enters the course of my brain,
FREEZE! And it coerces me to deliberate,
Stuck between tears and silence I now am left here to hesitate,
I made my decision before I even knew I cared,
Paranoid, my thoughts are overruled and now they've got me ensnared,
Not ready to be responsible I had no clue what to do,
So with remorse I sent you to your demise before I knew you.
Copyright © Jamilah Myle | Year Posted 2015
Month after month
We tired for a child
Appointment after appointment, was met with disappointment
Finally we decided on IVF
For us there was no other step
Nothing has changed, yet I'm completely different
I may look the same. Same body. Same life.
My belly is bruised and bloated from the daily injections.
My eyes are hallow and empty
Nothing is real no more, nothing matters
You did not stay. You did not grow.
Did you choose to up and go?
Did no one tell you how much you would be kissed and loved?
Did no one tell you how much you will be missed?
My little non-existent babies
Everything I cared about is insignificant the endless talk, the noise of work
friends and family
Nothing matters, there life goes on
But yours stopped
Did it ever start?
They told me not to, but your birthday is etched in my mind.
At what point of loss is it acceptable to grief for you?
To some any number under 12 is not a baby, but a fingers crossed non-committal half promised baby.
But to me you mean more than anything
Even though we never met
You are my two shining stars and in my heart is where you'll stay.
But don't be sad, little ones because mummy knows we'll met again someday.
Copyright © Jamesa Love | Year Posted 2015