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Death Humorous Poems | Death Poems About Humorous

These Death Humorous poems are examples of Death poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Death Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

To all the heart-breakers- -a ZOMBIE valentine poem-

Wouldn't you rather~

Wouldn't you rather~ be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead body, I would never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
Sorry that the sight of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
So go ahead and do us a all favor, 
hide and stash yourself away from all your neighbor. 
I think i'd rather have my eyes stuck with glue
So I won't have to look at you
When it comes to family friends, you ain't got none.
Your always gonna be called the lonely retarded one.
Who could ever love a face like yours.
not even your mother can see pass your gore's 
No need for privacy when you pee
Go ahead and take a leak and drown yourself in the sea.
Don't think for one second you are irresistible 
Love making with a zombie is impossible.

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

The time to kill yourself is at hand.
Slicing your wrist is what we recommend.  
Cut off your tongue, don't want to hear you squeal.   
Blood all over, your face is no big deal
A sword or machete will only pick up the pace
I wanna see your guts pop out your mid-waist 
Contaminated objects is a must
Anything to remove your face of disgust.
The easy part is the best
Once you are gone we will all feel blessed,
The flaw of your existence  
Is what keeps us all in distance 

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

Close your eyes and die
No one wants to hear you cry
You said you wanted to be loved
believe me~ your better off unloved
I say go do yourself off
Anyways you've always had it rough...
Go ahead and scream
This is not a dream
Now see how you make me feel
All I want is for you to end your ugly ordeal.
I will praise this day of course
Knowing soon you'll be a rotting corpse.

happy valentine ~ TO: All My DEADBEAT X-es from Texas..


Details | Rhyme | |

Halloween,Halloween

I shiver at the thought of being attacked by owls,
My home infested by Carols' pesky trolls,
A fire breathing dragon,flying around in the lobby,
Or a hand crawling around searching for it's body,
A hunchback with six eyes in his head,
Or zombies walking around calling themselves,the living dead,,,

I am scared of bats,turning into vampires,
Gorgons hopping around,throwing balls of fire,
Werewolves with scars,Chuckies with stitches,
And that big hairy bump on the nose of witches,
Blood running from the nozzle when I turn on the faucet,
Or skeletons and the Boogieman playing cards in the closet,,,

Right now i'm in a dark,dark room,hiding under the bed,
Features of my face growing taller,changing the shape
of my head,
Fingernails becoming fangs,eyes turning red,
GRRRR!!!it's HOLLOWEEN again,a night of feast
for the rising dead,,,


      




Details | Rhyme | |

Heavenly bliss

Heavenly bliss

Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead

But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly  “Just Wait"

Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married

Saint Peter replied very softly 
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait, 
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”

Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"

As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven  
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”

A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
 
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”






Details | Imagism | |

GRAVE

"Grave mistake"

"Grave is not mistake-

Nobody can miss it and everybody to take"



Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.


Details | Rhyme | |

Happy Question

Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

Trip on, Trip up

Walk before you speak.
Lend your voice that seek.
Foot forward and back.
So will that be a fact.
Gone by and be well.
Trip up and put into a cell.
Got no one to talk to.
I want a phone call to sue.
When I wake from my slumber.
I wish not to be hit by lumber.
Going to become a dreamer.
I hope that I do not become a screamer.
I got new shoes.
With colorful strings that are loose.
I am slow on tying them.
I feel they are harder than stem.
String are not new.
They smell pew.
I walk once again to journey.
That means I need some money.
Trip up again with meaningless acts.
Walking with out trust that lacks.
Shamefulness I speak.
I go behind a tree to leak.
I have no home set in stone.
Wheeling and dealing always alone.
Since I was a child that was left on the street.
I became a street beat.
Strolling with confidence to day.
Making my way.
Some law men stop me.
I was so out of it that they can see.
They thought I was on drugs.
I was really itching bugs.
Stumbling because I have not eaten.
So they grab me and I got beaten.
They finally found me innocent.
So I told them to get bent.
I was a good citizen with high hopes.
The society today thinks I am on dopes.
Can I be help with no pain.
Will they put me some were I will gain.
So I was put into a helpful place.
I was then able to eat and say grace.
Some crazy person came in and started shooting. 
So people ran and started looting.
Cannot get away from bad luck.
Sure enough I feel so stuck.
Knowing that I was fleeing.
I became worth not seeing.
I lay there my time just feeling has pass.
Losing my mind and running out of gas.
Finally I hear a person the sound sounds so weak.
A life time that I wanted to seek.
Found myself in a bed.
Down to nothing I was shed.
A person with white clothes that said your in luck.
You survived and now you owe some buck.
So sad not really glad.
Bad thing was the kid that was shooting was my lad.
Time really passes I just want to walk.
To see my kid to talk.
Why did he do what he did.
Dad he said I was starving and I am a kid.
So I have turn to a life time of crime.
Dad do not give me your time.
Because when we talked long ago.
You just left home with all the doe.
Hope you have a good life.
Because mom had been a good wife.
Now it is your turn.
So you can walk into the fire and burn.
With out a doubt you will walk away.
Trip on and Trip up and you will never pay.
Now dad keep your love.
Because I seek my mother above.
You will be chain.
Down you go insane.


Details | Limerick | |

A Series of Unfortunate Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards are a posthumous honor, recognizing those who have improved the human gene pool by removing themselves from it by their own foolish actions.

In a robbery way out in Long Beach
Elliot's handgun misfired in the breech
    Down the barrel he took
    A quite scatterbrained look
Then made it more than a figure of speech

There was a foolish fellow named Gary
Who gulped gasoline over near Cary
    The fuel made him gag
    So he fired up a fag
And now smokes in the state mortuary

"Look, no helmet!" Phil proudly decried
In the headgear disobedience ride
    He stood for his rights
    Then put out his lights
When he flew off his Electra Glide

An impatient Korean got miffed
And was ramming the doors of the lift
    Then went a bit daft
    When he got the shaft
But his ride to the bottom was swift

References:
http://jdgroover.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/the-2013-darwin-awards-are-out/
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2012-03.html
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2011-03.html
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2010.html


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Limerick | |

The young man from Dover

There was a young man lived in Dover
And he was the son of a rover
He fell into the sea
Cause clumsy was he
A shark came and it was all over.


Details | Epitaph | |

That's Chuck, He's my Friend

What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago. We were in college... I said.
I'd like to hear more about your pal Chuck... He said.

Okay... I met Chuck in New Paltz in `74... I said.
Oh, that's the pot smoking college, isn't it... He said.
Don't generalize, everyone's not the same... I said.
You're right. So tell me some more about Chuck... He said.
Okay, so you want the short version, or long one ... I said.
Whatever you like, I have plenty of time ... He said.

Well, this guy Chuck approaches me; he looks perplexed... I said.
So what was his issue. Why that look on his face... He said.
Chuck tells me "No one will stay with me in the room."... I said.
How odd is that? That doesn't make sense... He said.
You and I swing one way, Chuck swings the other. ... I said.
Now I see what the problem was; What did you do?... He said.
What do you think ? That doesn't bother me.... I said.

Hey, you want to hear a funny story? It's a side splitter... I said.
I've got time. I could use a good laugh right about now... He said.
Chuck had a 53 Schwinn bicycle, all chrome, red and white... I said.
You've got to be kidding me. I haven't seen one in years.... He said.
I'd hop on back. We`d go to town and chug down a few together... I said.
That's not funny. Where's the punchline? So what happened?... He said.
Well, one day Chuck failed a test and got super pissed off.... I said.
That's not funny either. You've got to do better than that.... He said.
He yanked on the handlebar so hard, he busted it clean in half... I said.
Wow ! Did they have "Funniest Home Videos" back then?... He said.

That's not all. We had so much fun together. There's more... I said.
Don't keep me in suspense. Lay it on me..... He said
There was this girl; unique with a special attribute.... I said.
What was so special? Three breasts instead of two?... He said.
No joke, her name was Madam Clittora! Enough said... I said.
I can't believe that. You gonna leave me hanging?... He said.

Anyway, shortly after that, I graduated. Chuck was younger.... I said.
So what happened to Chuck? Good friends keep in touch... He said.
We saw him two years later. We visited With his family, was nice... I said.
Ever see them again? You shouldn't desert a friend.... He said. 
You're right. But things don't always pan out... I said.
So what does that mean? You both seemed quite close.... He said.

I was married at the time with a lot of responsibilities... I said.
So that's no excuse. You should've kept in touch... He said.
After that, I didn't. Time changes things. Wasn't intentional.... I said.
So is there more to this story? There's got to be more... He said.
Oh, there is. Time moves on. 35 years later... I said.

It's 2010 and out of the blue, I think of my old pal Chuck... I said.
So you didn't forget him after all, but almost... He said.
It's a gamble, Chuck Drzal was in the phonebook; I called... I said.
Good for you. You took a chance, renewed a friendship... He said.
You're right. Just like old times. `74 again. What a feeling... I said.
So what happened next. Tell me quick, can't wait... He said.

We talked off and on, old times and new things; it was good... I said.
So it sounds like things are really working out for you guys... He said.
We saw Chuck, in the summertime; looked good for 52... I said.
Hey that's great news; Is there more to the story?... He said.

A little more... His friend died the day after we saw him... I said.
Oh, bummer. Sorry to hear that. How`s Chuck now?... He said.
Called him in November. His diamond ring was stolen... I said.
Wow ! That's a real downer. Did they catch the bastard?... He said
No !... I said.

There's got to be more than that. Call him since then?... He said..
Yeah... but... I called twice... he never answered the phone... I said.
Well, I hope you find out how he is doing?... He said.
I did. Saw his obit a few days ago. He died November 17th... I said.
 
 He looked at me. A tear rolled down his cheek... He said nothing..
I looked at him. Couldn't speak, all choked up.... I said nothing.
He looked at me. Gave me a hug, turned and walked away.
I yelled to the universe... "That's Chuck, he's my friend!"


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Free verse | |

Reflections: Intellectualism

To Dine, To Die;
Conversations spiral
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.

Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.

Pseudo-analysis
An endless groan
Argumental paralysis
The debate grants no throne.

Existentialism
Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.

"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.


Details | Couplet | |

Two reasons why we dig holes

Burying dead bodies usually takes place  
In fancy holes dug on some land space.

Most people dig those holes somewhere nice
But sometimes they don’t have a choice.

Some people burn dead bodies to ashes
And this really saves on available land spaces.

Sometimes dead bodies are buried at sea
And slowly sink into muck for eternity.

Other fancy holes are dug large enough,
For the removal of some valuable stuff.

Sometimes these holes are dug somewhere nice
And most times people don’t have a choice.

When all the valuable stuff’s gone offshore
The hole is back-filled and land space restored.

Today we can dig holes in the seafloor
Right through the eternal muck and more.

Holes should be dug to bury the dead 
And to remove valuable stuff instead.


Details | Epigram | |

Like A Sytematic Automatic Replay

This record player has a switch
Then there is the pitch and ditch


Details | Rhyme | |

The Four Horsemen of the Amockalypse

At the sound of the first horn, the joke becomes ill,
And there is just no amount of comedic skill,
That can hide its indecency, but try he will,
And despite its poor taste, he will use it still.

Upon the second horn, The Heckler appears,
And the joke is now met with insensitive jeers,
“Is that all you’ve got?!” he does scoff as he sneers,
And upon confrontation he sits there and leers.

The third horn is sounded and Silence arrives,
And of applause and of laughter he cruelly deprives,
Starving the joke of the food he derives,
From the merriment upon which every joke thrives.

The last horn is sounded and the final death stroke,
Is dealt upon our poor unfortunate joke,
He lets out a wheeze and gives a small choke
And at last did our poor whimsy finally croak.

‘Tis the end of the line for our jolly old friend,
And there is no amount of first aid that could mend,
The injuries to what the comedian penned,
For our tired joke has met its sweet end.


Details | Limerick | |

Lizzie Borden

(Limerick)

When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!


Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright@2014


09.16.2014


Details | Rhyme | |

Twice the Christ

I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized; 
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise! 
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed 
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!) 
A magic Martyr- now crucified, 
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies! 
(The Romans make such grand displays...) 
If but one of you would thus believe, 
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being 
misunderstood-
You could be nailed the same as me!


Details | Free verse | |

My Last Will and Testament

Dear, 
To whom it may concern 
This is my last Will and Testament
I, Eric being of brainwashed mind and owned body
Bequeath the following worldly possessions 
To the government, 
I leave my mind 
For which you have programmed for years 
I leave my eyes
Which you have blinded from the truth 
I leave my ears 
Which you have filled with lies 
I leave my body 
Which you branded a slave long ago 
You may also keep my death benefit of $255.00 dollars 
For it is a humorous tribute of my worth in your eyes 
I suggest you buy booze with it 
To toast my untimely demise at your hands 
As for the remainder of my estate 
Please sell them to the highest bidder 
To help bailout another failed mess 
Brought on by the corruption you made your bed with 
All that I ask is that you keep my ass 
So you can kiss it on my way out 

Sincerely, 
Your slave 

Eric (and sometimes not) 



Details | Rhyme | |

Wakin' Up Dead

I woke up one morning,
A pain rose through my head;
I looked down at the mattress,
And saw that I was dead!

My wife stood there crying,
While the kids loudly wept;
Somehow I had slipped away,
That night I'd soundly slept!

Those who truly hated me,
Were suddenly my kin;
Oh, how worldly possessions,
Makes them forget your sins!

Ripping through our front door,
Like a big ol' rabid bear;
They took my simple clothing,
Even my favorite chair!

My flat screen and computer,
Waltzed right through the door;
Those dirty, rotten savages,
Stepped back in for more!

My wife called the cops,
They arrived in an hour or so;
The scene was a mini battlefield,
As they joined in on the fiasco!

Pictures, lamps, and dishes,
These animals didn't care;
They took the last roll of toilet paper,
Who said that crap was fair?!

Both cars were missing,
No one cares about the dead;
I was stripped completely naked,
While I laid there on my bed!

Thank God these human rodents,
Never returned for more;
All that remained for my family,
Was a box spring on the floor!

Although I never died that day,
I embraced a nightmare's chill;
I dashed for a pen and paper,
Then started on my will!




Details | Free verse | |

To My Mema

As I sit here and wonder what went wrong,
I realized, nothing went wrong.
People say it was your time to leave this world,
to go and see your savior, your God.
But really, everyone knows it was your Johnny boy, the Fisherman.
He couldn't spend another second without you.
His beautiful lover, the wonderful mother, the amazing grandmother.

As I sit here and wonder about what you're doing,
I imagine you two dancing and singing with your buddies from Bailo's.
I imagine you watching over your family and leading them in the right direction.
I could almost see you sitting on the bleachers for my high school graduation,
and I started to tear up knowing you were there watching.

As I sit here and wonder about you,
I know you miss us just as much as we miss you.
Ryan and Jackie will never know how kind and gentle you were, like a summer breeze.
Bella will never know how generous and humorous you were, making everyone laugh.
But I will know, and I will tell them, even if it is with tears in my eyes.

As I sit here and wonder about my future,
I think of you. 
You always knew I was going to be a successful person.
And I always believed you.

Mema,
my number one role model. My favorite grandmother.
My best friend.


RIP Roberta J. Kobstad 
11/8/1941~~1/24/2012
You will be forever missed.


Details | Nonet | |

Its Own Flack

If I'd known, I would live to this age I'd taken better care of me Times when I walk, my hip croaks At once my knee slips~ cracks It has its own flack Then my neck pops Down I flop Saying Heck I Decide It is time Death could visit Need a bucket list A trip to Oregon first No! Mark that off~Can't do that I suffer from motion sickness That barf bag would ruin the whole day
Sponsor: Dr. Ram Mehta Contest: Nonet Form Written October 6, 2013 Croak~Making a deep sound Flack~publicity(the noise publicizes old age) Bucket List~A list of what a person wants to do before they die Barf~Vomit


Details | Rhyme | |

THE HANGING THING THAT MAKES US SMILE

A discussion on the round,
But it knows, it doesn't have to sound,
For, it is blamed for a crime it never meant to commit,
It's work was to bring smiles,and so it never did quit.

For seasons pass, it remains at halt,
It's passiveness after that though, is not actually it's fault,
But few seasons are such,
Which make it run,
Forever and ever,it's never done.

Runs fast, never worries of speed,
Someone else would nastily bleed,
Coz, it obeys, and changes speeds in seconds
It's our finger tips on which it reckons.

Three hands and a grip so tight,
With content the family bids good night,
But, their trust lies with the tough material it is made of,
For once if it loses the grip, it could break someone's head off…. ;)


Details | Free verse | |

You Can Be

What would anyone do
if I woke up one day
and decided I was
going to be the next
murderer?
That I was going to steal my fathers gun,
and of course I start with him,
the feelings so rough,
tears bursting from my eyes.
I move on to my mother,
my brother,
my grandparents,
and with every kill
the emotion ebbs away.
Things get easier.
What would anyone do
if that day I
proclaimed to the world
that I no longer wanted to
live in this world?
I created the noose
from my old Playstation 3 controller cords,
wrote my last words
"To the world, **** you"
and made an ornament
out of myself on the
back of my bedroom door.
What would anyone do
if I decided one day that
The world is full of pixies and unicorns!
that everything was red,
oh but not the light fire red,
but instead the color of blood,
oh how magnificent things look!
I work for the trolls under
the bridge behind my house
he pays me in finger nails!
You told me I can be anything,
do anything,
so why do you look at me like I'm crazy?
I see the fairies, not you,
so who are you to say I'm insane?
They tell me I'm perfectly alright.
I never really understand why
people were comforted by such an obvious phrase,
I KNOW I can do whatever I want!
Just like Jim Jones wanted to
control and murder 1,000 people,
just like how the people of Rwanda
murdered each other;
brothers, fathers, neighbors fighting each other.
So what if I want to conquer china,
put rat poison in all the exports
and watch the world die,
its my decision right?
you told me so,
and I'll plead that,
I'll plead that you told me
I can murder the whole world,
start the zombie apocalypse,
destroy all animals in the world,
when I'm up in that electric chair.
Hello my future,
Good-bye Sanity.


Details | Rhyme | |

Never Take Hate Outside

When you're hurt inside,
And there's no where to hide,
And there's no one on your side,
And it's killing your pride,
Inside,
Never take hate outside,

When your heart is chocking,
The heavy words never spoken,
The things that hurt you inside,
When love has died,
Inside,
Never take hate outside,

When your heart is gone,
From being alone,
And it beats a solemn tone,

When you're cold inside,
It's only a short ride,
Never take hate outside


Details | Couplet | |

You Can't Take It With You

The other day I saw the most pathetic thing I think I shall ever see!
It was so macabre and shocking that it piqued my curiosity!

Seems this old miser died having atoned for his many transgressions,
But was adamant about taking with him all his earthly possessions!

He had derided that well-known saw, "you can't take it with you",
And asserted, "Them's my things that took a lifetime to accrue!"

Even on his deathbed as he breathed his last and ceased to function,
He fretted about his stuff as the priest administered extreme unction!

In the funeral procession behind the hearse was a huge U-Haul truck,
Containing his suits and shoes, booze and gold plus all his other ruck!

Oft' I've pondered about that old tightwad and his ultimate fate,
And how St Peter handled the matter when he greeted him at the Gate!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved


Details | Free verse | |

Thief

Black garments fall to the floor
Boots off, cane leaned against the door
Top hat lifts, welcoming them all

A bottle of ketchup in hand. . .

“Hello there,” He says to no one in particular
Some eyes stare upward, looking frightened
Pants slip off, skin tightened
“They don’t even smell yet…”
They will soon, I bet

I stand there like a board
In the shadows on my tip-toes 
I am caught…and yet, I’m not!
Us morticians tend to see some interesting things
But not anything like this. . . 

Black hand falls on the still, white faces
Brushing against squeaky leather. . .rubbing flesh
Gloves slide off to the ground
I watch in disbelief without a sound
Getting on the table with emaciated twins
Feeling wind on his face as the death cart spins
Slitted wrists rubbed with fingers in the crusted blood
Smiling, he removes his hood
Over them. . .ripping off their clothes
Nose to nose. . .that so-called Eskimo pose
Knife protrudes in view. . .entering within
Then the real blade comes out, and the smell begins

Why the hell am I watching all of this? 
Had I not come for one thing?
I was just on my leave when I heard the rustling
How used to the dead I am
To even the sad, lone mourners, grieving in their roam
My heart is stone cause it can’t bear to be alone
Futuristic comforts and funeralistic empathy 
So well respected am I by the honest town folk
No one would suspect a thing
I didn’t suspect a thing

But now, here he is and I am watching
So stuck in the moment, simply gawking!
I’m gagging too—hm, that’s new. . .
Does he find it kinky, sneaking into an old mortuary—
Imagining them screaming, squirting ketchup everywhere? 

I do think of calling
As the blade moves in and out of them
But my clouded eyes only stare. . .
I clutch onto the diamond necklace, 
Imagining the dead, insipid flesh that once touched it
And now how the cold chill of THIEF wraps around my neck
They  whisper it as he takes them all in
Thief. . .thief. . .tHiEf. . .THIEF!!!!!

Yes, surely she wanted the damn thing buried with her
But how would she care? 
Hah! ‘Old Mrs. Longbottom’ now ‘Ms. Ketchupbottom’. . .
Would my sin be covered by this sick tormentor of the dead? 
Handling those old, wrinkled fingers
The smell of sweet and salty tomato lingers
Thief. . .thief. . .tHiEf. . .THIEF!!!!!

He was stealing nothing from them
The dead cannot fight
Cannot possibly feel
Why then, does the glare gleaming in the dead woman’s eye
Seem so real? 
He was stealing nothing from them
The blame is all on me
Strangling my neck


Details | Enclosed Rhyme | |

I insist

A place to sit, to insist the other exist.
Instinct ink; a brief connection to persist the other exist.
A place to relieve myself from this brief connection.
Instinct ink; a recollection of all things beneath.
A place to sit, and the smell at my feet reminds of all the visits paid my grave state.
I insist, a place to exist would be eventually diseased or the others' seat.
I hate myself and everyone else for discussing my health.
I self service the help, first I self service myself heaping portions of self help.
Maybe, above all we, recall that disbelief with humorous forgiveness.
Maybe, a place to sit, to insist the other exist, is the exact form.
Instinct turned ink on walls now speak for all things. 
A place to exist would rejoice in the moments known love could damage my grave state.


Details | Rhyme | |

We all scream for ice cream

Drag the bag,
Across the floor,
To the freezer,
Open the door,

It’s dripping blood,
And is just dead weight,
The bag will fit,
In that empty crate,

The frozen temp,
Will give me time,
When I hear,
The front door chime,

An order for,
Strawberry ice cream,
A treat so good,
It’ll make you scream. 


Details | Rhyme | |

Sudden Death

Mary O'Sullivan
Right after Mass
Stepped out of the church
And as she walked passed
Father McGee, couldn't help see
That Mary was shedding a tear

Approaching Mary
With the kindest of hearts
He wasn't quiet sure, 
Where, he should start
The silents was broke, when McGee finally spoke
"What, is the problem, My Dear"

"Father forgive me
But late last night
My husband died sudden,
Right there in my sight"
McGee stood in shock, and barely could talk
Until he could work past the fear

"I know it's hard
But please do your best
Where there any last words 
Or final request" 
"Yes, 'PUT DOWN THAT GUN', while starting to run
But I'm not sure I heard him that clear"



Details | Quatrain | |

When I Die


When I die, burry me in a hat
The most outrageous you can find
For my viewers amusement, and
to leave some laughter there behind…

A hat that swirls, silly feathers too
And if you could, in the color pink
Paint my eyes to match you see
Then retire all to have a bit of drink…

I think that they will still remember
How much fun my living always was
Imagine her leaving in a hat like that
Yes, she would do it, do it  just because…..


Details | Rhyme | |

Dead boring

Thoughts keeps rushing through my head
I wonder what it’s like when you are dead
Do you still ‘wake up’ every morning
Or is being dead just really boring?

I wonder what it’s like in heaven
Do they have a tea break at eleven
And sit and chat about their day
Get on with jobs, moan about pay

Is heaven just like paradise
I hope it is, it would be so nice
To be somewhere without a care in the world
Get pampered and even get my hair curled

In this life I just hate to be late
But I have no wish to rush to heaven’s gate
If I make an error I hope god is forgiving
Because I want to remain in the land of the living

The thought of dying is not fun
I don’t want to be alone, away from everyone
Life is all too short for some I fear 
So cherish those you hold so dear

I found out today that this poem is to be published in a book called 'Faith and Hope' by United Press ltd. They want to change the title to 'Thoughts' but this actually takes away the fact 'dead boring' is a play on words so I have asked the original title is maintained. Jan Allison 3rd March 2014


Details | Couplet | |

Marines

An aspiring marine 
is assuredly green, 
but he's not as much green 
as a drowned marine.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014


Details | Rhyme | |

Mary's Poor Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
The sheepy had to die
We pushed it off a cliff
And little sheepies do not fly.

Mary had a little lamb
But now it is no more
It drank some liquid nitro
Now it’s frozen to the core.

Mary had a little lamb
Her daddy shot it dead
She took it to school the next day
Between two slices of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
And Mary had a gun
The lamb just lies around all day
little lambs are not much fun.

Mary had a little lamb
But now it has no head
For what it thought was curiosity
Was a guillotine instead.

Mary had a little lamb
They could have gone real far
But nothing will ever happen now
They were run over by a car.
	By: 
		Fotu Stephen Taeoali’i


Details | Epitaph | |

Laurel And Hardy {Epitaph}

                                      American duo great humorists by far
                                      A famous act of our cinema history
                                     Hal Roach's most lucrative comedy stars
                                     Revived on our T.V's in movies or mysteries






 In Loving Memory Of
     Laurel And Hardy





Thanks Again To 
Sir Joseph Spence




Epitaph is a commemorative poem inscribed on a tombstone or mortuary 
monument written in praise of a deceased person.  Generally, epitaphs are 
small poems with rhyming lines written in reflection of the deceased person’s 
life.  They are not always somber and some are very humorous and witty.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Little Lamb

Little lamb who made thee?  
Dost thou know who trade thee?
Give thee death and cut thy throat
Butchered thee in meadows
Skinned thee in the moat
Give thy hide for clothing & delight
Soft clothing woolly and bright
Give thee such a tender voice
That no one heard thy death cries.

Little lamb who naileth thee
Dost thou know who impaleth thee?

Little lamb I will tell thee
Little lamb I will tell thee
He is called man by the name
But is disguised as devil by frame
He is weak he is mild
As far as mammon is bribed
He will sling thee on counter to trade
And eat thy pieces for his mid-day break.

Little lamb God bless thee
Little lamb God bless thee.


Details | I do not know? | |

Mr Chin-Held-High

The dry eyed man walked
with his chin held high. 

He'd done his best, and 
said his worst. 
There he walked away, 
away from the hearse. 

Who it contained, 
I do not know... 

But whoever it was, 
they sure got a show.


Details | Couplet | |

The rest

Usually the best 
is among the rest.

Volodymyr Knyr 
2014