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Christian Humorous Poems | Christian Poems About Humorous

These Christian Humorous poems are examples of Christian poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Christian Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Religion's Mask

Religion wrapped up with a bow
Sanitized, alphabetized, in 
order all up in a row
No questions asked your belly 
full your pockets overflow 
Sieg heil, tow the party line
You'll be religion"s ho
Grab your pitchforks, torches 
too we marching up the hill
The doctors in with body parts 
and still attempts to build
In frenzy and with blood thirst 
no mercy we'll extend 
No matter what the truth is
we rally all the troops, and fight until the end
Just justify your actions
And say "God told me to"
For this will ease your conscience 
And make your lie sound true
While the things that really 
Are lying unattended
To Mercy Grace or Humility
Your knee remains unbending 
Your form of godliness has no 
power God can see
But just hold another seminar 
and make the topic . . . 
Stroke my pride fix my 
marriage and my children too
Three easy steps become a 
partner and then it's free for 
But send your money in today 
Or we're going off the air
But my book is free my teeth 
are straight I got morning talk 
show hair
Forget the sick forget the 
hurting their sin is their own 
Let's just make sure we got our 
steeples and stained glass 
windows bought
We don't really want to touch 
them for fear of their disease
But we do like our pews padded 
and we do enjoy our ease
Because we know that God's 
main concern is to make us all 
feel good
And we 'll write another book 
about it
When He don't act like we think 
He should
And I'm sure when we stand 
before Him
He'll pat our heads and say
Because you were religious 
You made Me smile today
I think you see by now
This is not how it will be
For powerless religion is not 
your destiny
And now you stand here gazing 
Wondering what next I will say
 Looking at hypocrisy
 I bid you all good day

 2nd Timothy 3:5

Copyright © Kelly Crenshaw

Details | Free verse | |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
(ya hoo)

Copyright © Perry Campanella

Details | Ode | |



(To the tune of; Onward
Christian Soldiers)

(It may help if you do sing

Onward Christian poets,
its time to call our bluff,
You can write with harmony – 
because you know your
Write the rhyme my poet
Then you’ll start new 
Onward to annoy the folk,
and write some more sick

Onward Christian poets – 
writing as they go,
Waving to the crowd they
do – with Christmas time
in tow! 

Onward then ye poets, 
Christmas is now here,
See those decorations – 
why do we not cheer?
See those festive 
Christmas trees – and 
those fairy lights,
Dazzling on the festive
branch, a monstrous
sight delights!

Onward Christian poets,
moaning at the sights,
They are not that happy -     
they’ve lost their human

Onward then ye poets,
sing as you do write,
Writing all those poems,
it is your human right.
People will complain to
you, but you ignore 
them, true,
All they do is whinge 
and moan – oh I need 
the loo!

Onward Christian poets,
we suffer writer’s cramp,
Now my failing eyesight,
where’s my bleeding’

Onward Christian poets,
battling PC crap,
But when they read their
poems – we give them all
a clap!
Writing poems of MPs, 
and about their sleaze,
Brussels spout their 
dictating views – their 
expenses we will freeze!

Onward Christian poets,
smiling as they type,
But sometimes they will
admit – they write a load
of tripe!

Onward Christian poets,
feeling quite depressed,
All they want for Christmas,
is something very blessed.
Listening to the garbage – 
that’s on the TV news,
So we’ll write a whole lot
more – and then we’ll have
a snooze!

Onward Christian poets,
running out of ink,
All that poetry writing,
sure does make us think!

Onward Christian poets,
off to church we go,
Singing all those Christmas
hymns, ‘oh diddly oh!’       
Oh we need a drink or two,
but we may get drunk – 
Give me now my sparkling
hooch – then we’ll write 
more junk!       

Onward Christian poets,
we wish you all the best,
Not many can write poetry, 
so we’ll put you to the test!   

Onward Christian poets,
writing in the States,
They are all together – 
eating juicy steaks.
Lots of pampered poets – 
eating to their fill.
Now they’re full from
over-eating – now they
need a pill!

Onward Christian poets,
touring in the States,
But they keep on writing -  
about their own mistakes.

Finally ye poets – they all
gather round – 
Writing about Good God – 
now they’re heaven bound.
Onward now and forward – 
they love their writing fate,
All aboard the poet train – 
and it’s bleeding’ late!

Onward Christian poets, 
you we all adore,
So let’s all celebrate poems – 
we all want some more! 


Copyright © Darryl Ashton

Details | Rhyme | |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar

Copyright © Roland Fleming

Details | Rhyme | |


LOME – In an effort to topple a government set up to end a 24 year dictatorship rebellious army troops seized the state broadcasting station yesterday, then left the building but returned several hours later and recaptured it. Up to six people died in the clashes. The rebels forced a broadcaster to report demands that the prime minister Joseph Koffigoh resign and dissolve the high council set up to oversee the transition from military rule to democracy.

Revolution in Togo

I was lying on my lawn chair on a sunny summer day
With a dozen pack of Heineken and there I planned to stay
My wife came screaming from the house, most upset I must say
She knew there was trouble brewing, that I’d have to go away

In her hand she had the newspaper, waved it wildly in my face
I looked quickly at the headline and my heart began to race
What, I cried, a revolution? That could not be the case!
A revolution out in Togo? But we all came from that place!

“That’s impossible” I shouted, it is such a peaceful place
A revolution out in Togo? What a terrible disgrace!
I wondered what was brewing, what the problem there could be
My imagination then took over and the rest is history

I could see the picture clearly, I could see it all come down
It was all about the money, and the purse strings of the town
John Mulroy’d been in opposition for two terms maybe three
He was sick of watching the corruption and all the bribery

The foreigners came from Makaroff and San Clara and took hold
Taking all the jobs and contracts, lined their pockets with our gold
Johns support from Runnymede and Kamsack were stuck outside
Getting menial jobs and thinking they’d been taken for a ride

Rollie Hamel was Johns inside man, he was working for the town
Telling John what was going on and what was coming down
John was now determined to stop the debauchery 
And raise himself an army to set the people free

He got the Nabe boys and the Burbacks and a couple of their friends 
To mount an armed insurrection and bring this to an end
They quickly took the broadcast station in the back of Richies’ store
Within two hours the regular army came crashing through the door

What a standoff as they stared each other down with dirty looks
Talking about the law and the dubious entries in the village books
It was turning ugly for no one was backing down
But Richie’s store was also the only liquor store in town

In the meantime I had panicked with a sense of responsibility 
For there are times when a man must fight to protect his dignity
I sold my house and all my toys to buy supplies and guns
To try and save the homeland from the invading Huns

I arrived in Togo just in time to get to Richies’ store
And found a bunch of bodies lying passed out on the floor
What happened? I cried, with dread to anyone that could hear
John Mulroy said, with groggy head, t’was the best party of the year

“We came down last night to have a beer and watch the hockey game 
Drank a too much and passed out on the floor here, what a shame
We drank up all the whiskey, the whole supply in town
Then we finished off the moonshine as the third period wound down”

I said “What happened to the revolution going on here at home?” 
He looked at my newspaper article and said “No, that says in Lome”
Lome I said, confused now, where the hell is Lome?
He said that’s in a place called Togo, I said well…. that is my home…..?

He said “No you idiot, that’s not here, it’s an African country  
Everybody’s heard about it”, I thought “Yeah, everyone but me”
I said “Damn it, I’ve got loads of equipment, what can I do with it?”
He said “Sell it I guess, to tell the truth I don’t really give a shit”

So, I have two dozen crossbows, two hundred arrows and 3 Willis jeeps
I came fully prepared to fight the war, prepared to play for keeps
I have enough stores and weapons so any revolution I can dowse
I’m trying hard to sell it now so I can buy a house

Copyright © Vic Pister

Details | Rhyme | |

Twice the Christ

I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized; 
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise! 
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed 
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!) 
A magic Martyr- now crucified, 
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies! 
(The Romans make such grand displays...) 
If but one of you would thus believe, 
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being 
You could be nailed the same as me!

Copyright © Just That Archaic Poet

Details | Rhyme | |

Dog Gone It

Finns dog just died
And a loyal friend was he
I picked two shovels up
And passed one to McGee

It's body in a box
Was carried just by Finn
As we slowly made the walk
Where the funeral would begin

As we made it to the church yard
Father Shamus met us there
As he looked inside the box, he said
"You can't bury THAT in here"

Finn looked so heart brokin'
And McGee began to cry
So I took it on me self to ask
Where might we ,let him lie

Father Shamus said, 
"There are Baptist down the road
I'm not sure of their believes
but, it's OK I've been told

"And Father",  Finn replied
"Do you'd think that they would mind
I'd like to donate thousands
For this gesture, that's so kind

"BEJEEZUS !" Said The Father
"Are you all that bloody thick
Why didn't you first tell me
Your dog was a .......Catholic"  

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis

Details | Lyric | |

Rain Man

we got a lot of rain man's wearin ray bands tryin to shake hands
with baked fans it a staged plan to get carly rea pants in front of a video tape.
stumblin mumblin bumblin fools trying to get paid
To say f this chick and f that one
whatever absurd word that flows right off of this tongue
got a dirty mouth, here is some orbitz gum
im sweatin bullets and i cant even afford a gun
but its so free if i want to abort my son then take his lungs
so i can be one hundred and forty one
and be here to see the thwarting of the sun

mr. obama who've worn out your welcome
But what do I know? I'm this republicun
who thinks all  girls and boys should become
either a monk or nun and never cum
and pay for all of our condoms and pregnancy prescriptions
Or am I christian who cant have fun
because I know hun its wrong to drink coke and rums
till i am drunk and wait for the ring to get buns
then go condemn kids with weed and pokemon

And its sad to think this what our kids believe
cause this what they preach on the MTV
and  their  heart beat beats to each tweet and re-tweet
till a pick leaks online then they move on to vines
whatever better trend setter that stimulates the mind

Copyright © Mike Conway

Details | Free verse | |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake

Copyright © John Beam

Details | Free verse | |

Great Morning

The noisy alarm made me scream out Shut up O'clock I then stretched my two long arms Like a cat in target I opened my wide mouth to yawn Coughed as usual Went to ..the bath room Scratched my teeth with my old tooth brush To remove the last night meat Put water on the heater The bath followed And then Coffee Left my bed outlaid, not laid as usual The room like my hair Put on my shinny shoes Jumped on my Noisy Boxer Five minutes later I was live on radio shouting Doing my morning show With these two wise fools Who lost sense by earn a lot On talking nonsense And me am the key fool Listeners call in And i shout at the Shut up, Shout loud Stretch your neck I love my morning work Not married, Because am not single I have a great family of rats home And my dear mosquitoes Who help me lose weight I am a christian I even pray while sleeping That's why its not in the list But this is a great morning

Copyright © Rodgers Roger Carter

Details | Free verse | |

The Aging Prophetess

February 5, 2014

His words echo through the mouthpiece.
His voice squeaks like a tot,
but she knows he’s a robust young man.
Isn’t he? 
Is she confused again?
What day is it? What time? What day again?
Bodies move in slow motion.
They did not used to be that way.
Things were different,
More beautiful, spun on the loom,
and quilted with indifference.
That’s why it’s better now,
Or is she peering into the future again?
She gets so confused.

Copyright © Kim Bond

Details | Free verse | |

You Know You're a Writer When

You know you’re a writer when every circumstance is an opportunity 
To paint your paper with a pen
When a teardrop shed is a new gateway with a gleaming rainbow
You know you’re a writer when you awaken suddenly in the night
Chasing a comet and its tail then off to a maroon sunset you will sail
All with the stroke of a pen	
Just think of the possibilities with me and my pen
You know you’re a writer when your house is a mess
And the trash has yet to be taken out 
Because you are digesting the end of a magnificent fairy tale
When your water just got shut off because you forgot to open your mail
All the while writing about menageries and meadows
How shall I close this extraordinary gem?
How shall I bring this poem to an end?
It’s all sitting at the tip of my quill
For now I will close this write and bid my poetic friends a good night
We shall gather again here on another day!
I know that I am a writer and for this gift of God I say “thank you, Father!”
Thank you for the gift of creativity and love for all of mankind
Your heart is my heart as I sit down to write
You are always speaking to my fingertips!
May this joy of writing never end
Your best friend,

Copyright © Gwendolen Rix

Details | Couplet | |

Linda Evangelista

Linda is the most beautiful in the lists
both of Lindas and of the evangelists.

Volodymyr Knyr

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Free verse | |

Don't Trust Whitey

To the snakes surprise,
two strangers appeared in the garden,
funny looking hairless mammals,
bipedal like an ostrich,
only not much like that,
not at all like an ostrich actually.

Though the two were undoubtedly kin,
one had teats for feeding newborns,
the other did not,
so the snake determined they were two of opposite sex,
one of these creatures was intrigued by the tree,
the snake was sleeping in,
and walked over to pick the fruit,
the snake knew, 
that the boss didn't like the residents of the garden, 
picking and eating his cider apples, 
so the snake dangled himself from the branch, 
the creature was reaching for 
and warned the oddity, 
not to go any further less incur the Chiefs wrath, 
but the funny creatures took no heed, 
merely giggled to themselves 
and started shaking the trunk of the tree, 
causing apples to rain down. 

Little did anyone know, 
that asleep beneath the tree was the mad scientist Isaac newton,
who was rudely awoken from his nap, 
by the crashing down of hard fruit upon noggin.

Angry at what these creatures had done to his cider apples, 
(for now Mr Numero-Uno could not be sure, 
of next years batch of cider), 
the Big-Cheese kicked the hooligans out of his garden.
The snake pleaded with the head honcho, 
that he had nothing to do with the affair, 
but the mischievous bald apes, 
blamed everything on the poor reptile, 
Isaac newton was equally unimpressed at being evicted, 
but he had no more luck convincing El-Prez than the snake.

Once out in the wilderness, 
the four were alone 
and the snake burning with white hot rage, 
vowed to make the lives of these chimps forever a misery, 
by lying in wait in the undergrowth 
and biting and poisoning the miserable sods, 
as for Isaac the mad scientist, 
for his revenge he invented a monster called gravity, 
that would cause things to fall out of cupboards, 
causing crockery to break and generally being a great nuisance to everyone. 

and the moral of the story is, don't trust whitey!

Copyright © Oliver Gould