These Humorous Christian poems are examples of Christian poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Humorous Christian poems written by international PoetrySoup poets
Religion wrapped up with a bow
Sanitized, alphabetized, in
order all up in a row
No questions asked your belly
full your pockets overflow
Sieg heil, tow the party line
You'll be religion"s ho
Grab your pitchforks, torches
too we marching up the hill
The doctors in with body parts
and still attempts to build
In frenzy and with blood thirst
no mercy we'll extend
No matter what the truth is
we rally all the troops, and fight until the end
Just justify your actions
And say "God told me to"
For this will ease your conscience
And make your lie sound true
While the things that really
Are lying unattended
To Mercy Grace or Humility
Your knee remains unbending
Your form of godliness has no
power God can see
But just hold another seminar
and make the topic . . .
Stroke my pride fix my
marriage and my children too
Three easy steps become a
partner and then it's free for
But send your money in today
Or we're going off the air
But my book is free my teeth
are straight I got morning talk
Forget the sick forget the
hurting their sin is their own
Let's just make sure we got our
steeples and stained glass
We don't really want to touch
them for fear of their disease
But we do like our pews padded
and we do enjoy our ease
Because we know that God's
main concern is to make us all
And we 'll write another book
When He don't act like we think
And I'm sure when we stand
He'll pat our heads and say
Because you were religious
You made Me smile today
I think you see by now
This is not how it will be
For powerless religion is not
And now you stand here gazing
Wondering what next I will say
Looking at hypocrisy
I bid you all good day
2nd Timothy 3:5
She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...
Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,
'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'
That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar
So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong
Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near
Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar
I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized;
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise!
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!)
A magic Martyr- now crucified,
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies!
(The Romans make such grand displays...)
If but one of you would thus believe,
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being
You could be nailed the same as me!
A holiday, far away, that’s what I’d like to take today
But where to go? That’s what I’d like to know.
There are a squillion places with my trillion gold pesetas
All around this brilliant planet don’t you know?
I could stay in a Swiss mountain-top chalet
Or in a five-star hotel by a lakeside for a day
Or maybe I should choose to take a very long world cruise
On a huge and modern liner. “What you say?”
Don’t forget about a cabin in the woods
That would to me be very, very good
I could sit there by the fire and the embers I’d admire
As I’d think about the next place I could go
A train ride would be very, very nice
A long one or a short one would suffice
A steam train would be best. On the Orient Express?
Or the Trans Canadian Railroad? I dunno
Or maybe I could do the tourist thing
And try to see just every blinking’ thing
This one would take a lot, but that wouldn’t worry me one jot
As I could ponce around the world just like a king?
Or I could hire me a flashy, fancy car, and travel every
Highway, road and by-way that there are
I know it’s not that cool to be using that much fuel
But that wouldn’t matter much to me now I’m a star
What about a mansion by the beach?
With maids and butlers. That would be a peach
There’d be no more time for dreamin’ ‘cause to the servants I’d be screamin’:
“Go and get another jolly ……” eech!!
Or maybe I’ll just stay here where I am and enjoy each day the best way that I can
It wouldn’t cost me so much money yet life could still be sweet as honey
If I were just satisfied with what comes from Gods hand
we got a lot of rain man's wearin ray bands tryin to shake hands
with baked fans it a staged plan to get carly rea pants in front of a video tape.
stumblin mumblin bumblin fools trying to get paid
To say f this chick and f that one
whatever absurd word that flows right off of this tongue
got a dirty mouth, here is some orbitz gum
im sweatin bullets and i cant even afford a gun
but its so free if i want to abort my son then take his lungs
so i can be one hundred and forty one
and be here to see the thwarting of the sun
mr. obama who've worn out your welcome
But what do I know? I'm this republicun
who thinks all girls and boys should become
either a monk or nun and never cum
and pay for all of our condoms and pregnancy prescriptions
Or am I christian who cant have fun
because I know hun its wrong to drink coke and rums
till i am drunk and wait for the ring to get buns
then go condemn kids with weed and pokemon
And its sad to think this what our kids believe
cause this what they preach on the MTV
and their heart beat beats to each tweet and re-tweet
till a pick leaks online then they move on to vines
whatever better trend setter that stimulates the mind
rocking the boat - Hey Hey what are you doing There is a snake
The noisy alarm made me scream out
Shut up O'clock
I then stretched my two long arms
Like a cat in target
I opened my wide mouth to yawn
Coughed as usual
Went to ..the bath room
Scratched my teeth with my old tooth brush
To remove the last night meat
Put water on the heater
The bath followed
And then Coffee
Left my bed outlaid, not laid as usual
The room like my hair
Put on my shinny shoes
Jumped on my Noisy Boxer
Five minutes later
I was live on radio shouting
Doing my morning show
With these two wise fools
Who lost sense by earn a lot
On talking nonsense
And me am the key fool
Listeners call in
And i shout at the
Shut up, Shout loud
Stretch your neck
I love my morning work
Not married, Because am not single
I have a great family of rats home
And my dear mosquitoes
Who help me lose weight
I am a christian
I even pray while sleeping
That's why its not in the list
But this is a great morning
NEWS Item AP: TOGO
LOME – In an effort to topple a government set up to end a 24 year dictatorship rebellious army troops seized the state broadcasting station yesterday, then left the building but returned several hours later and recaptured it. Up to six people died in the clashes. The rebels forced a broadcaster to report demands that the prime minister Joseph Koffigoh resign and dissolve the high council set up to oversee the transition from military rule to democracy.
Revolution in Togo
I was lying on my lawn chair on a sunny summer day
With a dozen pack of Heineken and there I planned to stay
My wife came screaming from the house, most upset I must say
She knew there was trouble brewing, that I’d have to go away
In her hand she had the newspaper, waved it wildly in my face
I looked quickly at the headline and my heart began to race
What, I cried, a revolution? That could not be the case!
A revolution out in Togo? But we all came from that place!
“That’s impossible” I shouted, it is such a peaceful place
A revolution out in Togo? What a terrible disgrace!
I wondered what was brewing, what the problem there could be
My imagination then took over and the rest is history
I could see the picture clearly, I could see it all come down
It was all about the money, and the purse strings of the town
John Mulroy’d been in opposition for two terms maybe three
He was sick of watching the corruption and all the bribery
The foreigners came from Makaroff and San Clara and took hold
Taking all the jobs and contracts, lined their pockets with our gold
Johns support from Runnymede and Kamsack were stuck outside
Getting menial jobs and thinking they’d been taken for a ride
Rollie Hamel was Johns inside man, he was working for the town
Telling John what was going on and what was coming down
John was now determined to stop the debauchery
And raise himself an army to set the people free
He got the Nabe boys and the Burbacks and a couple of their friends
To mount an armed insurrection and bring this to an end
They quickly took the broadcast station in the back of Richies’ store
Within two hours the regular army came crashing through the door
What a standoff as they stared each other down with dirty looks
Talking about the law and the dubious entries in the village books
It was turning ugly for no one was backing down
But Richie’s store was also the only liquor store in town
In the meantime I had panicked with a sense of responsibility
For there are times when a man must fight to protect his dignity
I sold my house and all my toys to buy supplies and guns
To try and save the homeland from the invading Huns
I arrived in Togo just in time to get to Richies’ store
And found a bunch of bodies lying passed out on the floor
What happened? I cried, with dread to anyone that could hear
John Mulroy said, with groggy head, t’was the best party of the year
“We came down last night to have a beer and watch the hockey game
Drank a too much and passed out on the floor here, what a shame
We drank up all the whiskey, the whole supply in town
Then we finished off the moonshine as the third period wound down”
I said “What happened to the revolution going on here at home?”
He looked at my newspaper article and said “No, that says in Lome”
Lome I said, confused now, where the hell is Lome?
He said that’s in a place called Togo, I said well…. that is my home…..?
He said “No you idiot, that’s not here, it’s an African country
Everybody’s heard about it”, I thought “Yeah, everyone but me”
I said “Damn it, I’ve got loads of equipment, what can I do with it?”
He said “Sell it I guess, to tell the truth I don’t really give a shit”
So, I have two dozen crossbows, two hundred arrows and 3 Willis jeeps
I came fully prepared to fight the war, prepared to play for keeps
I have enough stores and weapons so any revolution I can dowse
I’m trying hard to sell it now so I can buy a house
February 5, 2014
His words echo through the mouthpiece.
His voice squeaks like a tot,
but she knows he’s a robust young man.
Is she confused again?
What day is it? What time? What day again?
Bodies move in slow motion.
They did not used to be that way.
Things were different,
More beautiful, spun on the loom,
and quilted with indifference.
That’s why it’s better now,
Or is she peering into the future again?
She gets so confused.