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Humorous Christian Poems | Christian Poems About Humorous

These Humorous Christian poems are examples of Christian poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Humorous Christian poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme |

Religion's Mask

Religion wrapped up with a bow
Sanitized, alphabetized, in 
order all up in a row
No questions asked your belly 
full your pockets overflow 
Sieg heil, tow the party line
You'll be religion"s ho
Grab your pitchforks, torches 
too we marching up the hill
The doctors in with body parts 
and still attempts to build
In frenzy and with blood thirst 
no mercy we'll extend 
No matter what the truth is
we rally all the troops, and fight until the end
Just justify your actions
And say "God told me to"
For this will ease your conscience 
And make your lie sound true
While the things that really 
matter 
Are lying unattended
To Mercy Grace or Humility
Your knee remains unbending 
Your form of godliness has no 
power God can see
But just hold another seminar 
and make the topic . . . 
me!
Stroke my pride fix my 
marriage and my children too
Three easy steps become a 
partner and then it's free for 
you
But send your money in today 
Or we're going off the air
But my book is free my teeth 
are straight I got morning talk 
show hair
Forget the sick forget the 
hurting their sin is their own 
fault
Let's just make sure we got our 
steeples and stained glass 
windows bought
We don't really want to touch 
them for fear of their disease
But we do like our pews padded 
and we do enjoy our ease
Because we know that God's 
main concern is to make us all 
feel good
And we 'll write another book 
about it
When He don't act like we think 
He should
And I'm sure when we stand 
before Him
He'll pat our heads and say
Because you were religious 
You made Me smile today
.
I think you see by now
This is not how it will be
For powerless religion is not 
your destiny
And now you stand here gazing 
Wondering what next I will say
 Looking at hypocrisy
 I bid you all good day

 2nd Timothy 3:5


Details | Free verse |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was so...hot & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her head...star-ted a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
leather-shoes...
(ya hoo)


Details | Rhyme |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar


Details | Rhyme |

Twice the Christ

I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized; 
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise! 
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed 
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!) 
A magic Martyr- now crucified, 
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies! 
(The Romans make such grand displays...) 
If but one of you would thus believe, 
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being 
misunderstood-
You could be nailed the same as me!


Details | Free verse |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake


Details | Lyric |

Rain Man

we got a lot of rain man's wearin ray bands tryin to shake hands
with baked fans it a staged plan to get carly rea pants in front of a video tape.
stumblin mumblin bumblin fools trying to get paid
To say f this chick and f that one
whatever absurd word that flows right off of this tongue
got a dirty mouth, here is some orbitz gum
im sweatin bullets and i cant even afford a gun
but its so free if i want to abort my son then take his lungs
so i can be one hundred and forty one
and be here to see the thwarting of the sun

mr. obama who've worn out your welcome
But what do I know? I'm this republicun
who thinks all  girls and boys should become
either a monk or nun and never cum
and pay for all of our condoms and pregnancy prescriptions
Or am I christian who cant have fun
because I know hun its wrong to drink coke and rums
till i am drunk and wait for the ring to get buns
then go condemn kids with weed and pokemon

And its sad to think this what our kids believe
cause this what they preach on the MTV
and  their  heart beat beats to each tweet and re-tweet
till a pick leaks online then they move on to vines
whatever better trend setter that stimulates the mind


Details | Rhyme |

REVOLUTION IN TOGO

NEWS Item AP: TOGO
LOME – In an effort to topple a government set up to end a 24 year dictatorship rebellious army troops seized the state broadcasting station yesterday, then left the building but returned several hours later and recaptured it. Up to six people died in the clashes. The rebels forced a broadcaster to report demands that the prime minister Joseph Koffigoh resign and dissolve the high council set up to oversee the transition from military rule to democracy.


Revolution in Togo

I was lying on my lawn chair on a sunny summer day
With a dozen pack of Heineken and there I planned to stay
My wife came screaming from the house, most upset I must say
She knew there was trouble brewing, that I’d have to go away

In her hand she had the newspaper, waved it wildly in my face
I looked quickly at the headline and my heart began to race
What, I cried, a revolution? That could not be the case!
A revolution out in Togo? But we all came from that place!

“That’s impossible” I shouted, it is such a peaceful place
A revolution out in Togo? What a terrible disgrace!
I wondered what was brewing, what the problem there could be
My imagination then took over and the rest is history

I could see the picture clearly, I could see it all come down
It was all about the money, and the purse strings of the town
John Mulroy’d been in opposition for two terms maybe three
He was sick of watching the corruption and all the bribery

The foreigners came from Makaroff and San Clara and took hold
Taking all the jobs and contracts, lined their pockets with our gold
Johns support from Runnymede and Kamsack were stuck outside
Getting menial jobs and thinking they’d been taken for a ride

Rollie Hamel was Johns inside man, he was working for the town
Telling John what was going on and what was coming down
John was now determined to stop the debauchery 
And raise himself an army to set the people free

He got the Nabe boys and the Burbacks and a couple of their friends 
To mount an armed insurrection and bring this to an end
They quickly took the broadcast station in the back of Richies’ store
Within two hours the regular army came crashing through the door

What a standoff as they stared each other down with dirty looks
Talking about the law and the dubious entries in the village books
It was turning ugly for no one was backing down
But Richie’s store was also the only liquor store in town

In the meantime I had panicked with a sense of responsibility 
For there are times when a man must fight to protect his dignity
I sold my house and all my toys to buy supplies and guns
To try and save the homeland from the invading Huns

I arrived in Togo just in time to get to Richies’ store
And found a bunch of bodies lying passed out on the floor
What happened? I cried, with dread to anyone that could hear
John Mulroy said, with groggy head, t’was the best party of the year

“We came down last night to have a beer and watch the hockey game 
Drank a too much and passed out on the floor here, what a shame
We drank up all the whiskey, the whole supply in town
Then we finished off the moonshine as the third period wound down”

I said “What happened to the revolution going on here at home?” 
He looked at my newspaper article and said “No, that says in Lome”
Lome I said, confused now, where the hell is Lome?
He said that’s in a place called Togo, I said well…. that is my home…..?

He said “No you idiot, that’s not here, it’s an African country  
Everybody’s heard about it”, I thought “Yeah, everyone but me”
I said “Damn it, I’ve got loads of equipment, what can I do with it?”
He said “Sell it I guess, to tell the truth I don’t really give a shit”

So, I have two dozen crossbows, two hundred arrows and 3 Willis jeeps
I came fully prepared to fight the war, prepared to play for keeps
I have enough stores and weapons so any revolution I can dowse
I’m trying hard to sell it now so I can buy a house


Details | Free verse |

Great Morning

The noisy alarm made me scream out Shut up O'clock I then stretched my two long arms Like a cat in target I opened my wide mouth to yawn Coughed as usual Went to ..the bath room Scratched my teeth with my old tooth brush To remove the last night meat Put water on the heater The bath followed And then Coffee Left my bed outlaid, not laid as usual The room like my hair Put on my shinny shoes Jumped on my Noisy Boxer Five minutes later I was live on radio shouting Doing my morning show With these two wise fools Who lost sense by earn a lot On talking nonsense And me am the key fool Listeners call in And i shout at the Shut up, Shout loud Stretch your neck I love my morning work Not married, Because am not single I have a great family of rats home And my dear mosquitoes Who help me lose weight I am a christian I even pray while sleeping That's why its not in the list But this is a great morning


Details | Rhyme |

Dog Gone It

Finns dog just died
And a loyal friend was he
I picked two shovels up
And passed one to McGee

It's body in a box
Was carried just by Finn
As we slowly made the walk
Where the funeral would begin

As we made it to the church yard
Father Shamus met us there
As he looked inside the box, he said
"You can't bury THAT in here"

Finn looked so heart brokin'
And McGee began to cry
So I took it on me self to ask
Where might we ,let him lie

Father Shamus said, 
"There are Baptist down the road
I'm not sure of their believes
but, it's OK I've been told

"And Father",  Finn replied
"Do you'd think that they would mind
I'd like to donate thousands
For this gesture, that's so kind

"BEJEEZUS !" Said The Father
"Are you all that bloody thick
Why didn't you first tell me
Your dog was a .......Catholic"  




Details | Free verse |

The Aging Prophetess

February 5, 2014

His words echo through the mouthpiece.
His voice squeaks like a tot,
but she knows he’s a robust young man.
Isn’t he? 
Is she confused again?
What day is it? What time? What day again?
Bodies move in slow motion.
They did not used to be that way.
Things were different,
More beautiful, spun on the loom,
and quilted with indifference.
That’s why it’s better now,
Or is she peering into the future again?
She gets so confused.


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