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Bird Funny Poems | Bird Poems About Funny

These Bird Funny poems are examples of Bird poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Bird Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Couplet | |

A Lullaby Poem for PD

(sing to tune of Hush Little Baby)

Hush, little PD, don't say a word.
Nathan's gonna buy you a mocking bird.

If that bird makes fun of you....
that's what that bird is supposed to do!

Take that bird and trade it in.
Buy yourself a coat made of leopard skin.

Take great care to not go out
anywhere that PETA might be about.

You could get hit in the head.
PETA activists can sure see red.

If a new coat you don't need,
how about a new cat, Persian breed?

If that cat sheds too much hair,
have Nathan take you out to a fair.

Fairs are fun. You can't go wrong.
Are you fast asleep yet from this dumb song?

If you're not, I have to say....
your insomnia is here to STAY.

Written by Andrea on Oct. 22, 2012
For Send me to sleep....... Poetry Contest
Happy ZZZZZZZZs to you, PD

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich

Details | Rhyme | |

Never Dream Within a Dream

-honestly...I have no clue why...- As I began to rest in my fickle dream Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep I was greeted by many a whisker And petulant snores from my sister The cat mewed ferociously and purred For there on the other side of the window—was a bird! It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass! And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm I swear my bosom was gone! The cat then motioned at the feathered brat For her bright breasts seemed extra fat Of course it wouldn’t have been that But I couldn’t just blame the cat! I opened the window only a crack And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?” Such pride she attained from my bosom Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!? The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly! She plopped to the ground and squawked I would have laughed, but I was shocked! The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!” Before I could think I had fallen to the ground To a booming, most terrible sound! My eyes then opened to a cat on my head As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed

Copyright © Laura Breidenthal

Details | Narrative | |

THANKSGIVING TURKEY

They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.

When I bought the raffle ticket, 
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.

Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard, 
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.

Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.

Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind. 

I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.

But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.

When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.

So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.

Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around. 

We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing. 

Copyright © William Robinson

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Bird is the Word

I don’t know what I’m complaining about, it’s not like I’ve been cuffed, All I have to do is show up for dinner. After all it’s the bird that got stuffed. It’s not like they’re asking a lot from me they won’t work me till I’ve croaked, All I have to do is show up and eat. After all it’s the bird that got smoked. I can’t tell you that they’ll torture me and it seems to be reasonably priced, All I have to do is visit for a while. After all it’s the bird that got sliced. I could tell them things to make them laugh until their gravy becomes splattered, All I’d have to do is tell a joke to them. After all it’s the bird that got plattered. I think that it smells good enough that I’ll eat until they claim my leg’s been hollowed, All I have to do is not complain about things. After all it’s the bird that got swallowed. I’ve never given it much thought before but a bird’s life is really kind of murky I guess I’d rather be the Thanksgiving guest today than be the Thanksgiving Turkey.

Copyright © Tony Lane

Details | Couplet | |

BIRD DREAMS

BIRD    DREAMS   

The worst nightmare would be if I
Was an ostrich, and (of course) couldn’t  fly.
The fly-guys sit around chugging bird-beer 
Boasting of chicks they’ve held dear -
And tales of diving and soaring -
But my earthbound tail is boring.
They exclude me because I’m absurd -
I’m not a real bird. . . . not a bird’s bird.
 

But if there was reincarnation later,
I’d want to be a penguin, a wearer
Of a smart suit like a posh waiter,
With a kick-ass name like Emperor.
Surely all would find the idea bold:
A story for other birds  to be retold.
Yes, my bird-cred card would be gold,
Enjoying  the  Antarctic  cold.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Copyright © Sidney Beck

Details | Rhyme | |

Foul Mouth Parrot

I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.

(This is a fictional poem)

Copyright © randy johnson

Details | Rhyme | |

Hoot Owl

Big-eyed hoot owl perched in a tree,
hunting for prey while eyeing me.
He swooped down swiftly and caught a mouse,
flew up and landed on the eave of my house.
Old hooty owl quickly ate the vile little beast,
burped once loudly, then glided off slowly due east.
Wise Mr. Owl will return late tomorrow evening,
perch up high in the same darn tree and give me a warning
by turning his swiveling head 180 degrees all of the way backwards,
giving me a wild-eyed wink and dropping on my sidewalk a couple of turds.

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

Coo-Coo Ca-Ca Chu

Coo-Coo Ca-Ca Chu!
That means a bird’s crapped on you!
That’s not nice at all!

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Light Poetry | |

My Pet Donkey Kim

As children are
They all want a pet
I wanted a horse
My little sister wanted a pony
Our parents compromised
They got us a goldfish
Of course we had to name our new pet
We compromised yet again and called him
Turtle

Now turtle would spend hours and hours
Running and jumping around an around in his watery fields
A very fast Turtle he was
We decided to film our little turtle and so we did
The show off would make jokes and acrobats
Turns out he was a real comedian 
(also an expert at cards, especially Go Fish)
To out surprise, an evil man didn’t like our wee turtle
Why he called him a darn little monkey
He said he would shatter our fish bowl
Well he called it a Monkey bowel

Then one day we saw something miraculous
A second gold fish
Turns out he was a she
Happily now my sister and I both had pets
She a wee little pony and me
A great big beautiful black stallion
She name her Pony Grasshopper
So worried she was, that the evil man from far away
Would do great harm to us, Grasshopper and Turtle
She said we should get on our pony and horse
And ride away on the ocean, far away and safe

Then all of a sudden, our neighbors Korean Siamese cat jumped
Right through the window, and right smack into the fish bowl
Poor Turtle and Grasshopper, all over the floor
My sister cried her little heart out that day
From that moment forward, I just could never get myself
To drink Orange crush again

Copyright © arthur vaso

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Swan Say

What does the swan say?
“I am very elegant
as far as fowls go.”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Limerick | |

Maniac Jack

Fatty Jack
Is a maniac.
He ate a turd
From a sick bird.
That’s a sad fact.

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Duck Say

What does the duck say?
“You quack me up with your jokes.
You are quite funny.”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Limerick | |

A Sassy Potty Mouth Bird Has Changed Her Ways



~ There once was a Bird named Cher who's resolution was not to swear she duct taped her beak where not a word could leak and fluttered her wings in prayer ~

Copyright © Rick Parise

Details | Light Poetry | |

Broadways Chicken Play

You all must read Sara Kendrick’s poem the “Chicken” before reading this one!!!!
Thanks Sara for giving me such a great idea!!!!!

Broadways.... "Chicken Play"

The stage was dimly lit
For the opening of this play
The crowd was clucking in anticipation
They had no idea
A love story
A drama
A play of philosophy
The writer used a feather quill
Was this not a hint?

The main actress, was a real bird she was
She strutted and strolled
The audience was captivated
Her allure was on display
Her beauty hid she was heartless hen
Out jumped the Kernel Saunders!!!!
Sword in one hand
13 secret spices in the other

Well, this birds suitors ran to her defense
To no avail at all
These buccaneers would end up in a bucket
I do not lie
It included the fries

Sadly parts where tosses to and fro
Necks and wings and breasts were sliced
It sure was not a pretty sight
A civil war this was not
The dame was slaughtered on a southern shore



Let this me a lesson to you all you gizards
While the chickens are away
It’s for sure
This silly poet will play!!

Copyright © arthur vaso

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Cock Say

What does the cock say?
“Cock-a-doodle-doo! Wake up!
Get your butt in gear!”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Hen Say

What does the hen say?
“I lay the best tasting eggs
so you won’t eat me.”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

Knothead

It fell from the sky.
I have a knot on my head.
Dead pigeon falling.

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Goose Say

What does the goose say?
“No, you can’t have my feathers
to fill your pillow.”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Crow Say

What does the crow say?
“When I’m the farmer’s greatest
enemy, life sucks.”

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Ballade | |

An Ellice Island - In search of KindRed Soul

Long miles of tedious journey,
Missing my darling honey.
Travelling impatiently, spend thousands of 
money, 
Hope god will bless me with ma lucky soul 
at this season.

Equatorial island exploring its amazed 
beauty, glittering with immersed grasses.
Wrapped by queens necklaced small lake 
aside, at the outskirts of dalhousie.
My heart dwelled into its god gifted 
creativity,
When the night lime lighted,
Millions of stars scattered around 
charming moon.
As if its was a wondering boon.
Lucky enough for landing with my next 
hop.

Eagerly waiting for my heart chaser,
Girl passed near by, few seconds later.
Flaming beauty mould my soul.
Topped with innocence, ready for my 
auspicious goal.
Her chic appearance,
Her innocent appeal.
Strucking heart raised with high beats..
Awaited for our romantic date in ma 
upcoming meet.

Frequency of our nature matched.
Stolen Eyes of each other were catched.
Strings of our heart whistled 
synchronously.
Everything had happened miraclelously.
I rebelled the three precious words of 
romantic dictionary.
Accepting my red rose, She blushed.

At event of recreation, campfire were 
ignited.
Nobody around us, private moments 
between we two spotlighted.
Playing guitar, she sinked with every beat,
That's the coincidence our eyes again 
meet.
Hand in hand danced with the soothing 
romantic theme,
Sparkling smile on her face beamed.
Getting closer to her, because of her 
fragranced cream.
Expecting the light around us to be dim.

The romantic moment again came,
Flaps of my soul opened for the grand 
dame.
She looked too pretty in her gold lame 
dress, 
My heart awarded her an order of chivalry.
Don't know who are you, but baby you are 
the one, I am in love.
You live in me, You are my love
I feel you in my heart,
You are my world, I just cant stay apart!

Please don't hesitate, please don't lie,
Whatever you feel, my heart can buy!
Angel of life, Its just you.
Completeness in life can't be without you.

Wanna Carry journey happily together.
Tickling nose, Queenly beauty of my white 
leather.
Hold my senses, its caught by you.
Don't let be just memories, wanna feel 
ecstasy of love towards you forever.
Promising to hold your hand throughout 
life in this lovely weather.

Will be your shadow, because your pain 
will be mine.
Its destiny that our heart clicked a 
snapshot of each other's soul.
Stopping by my question, Will you marry 
me, my Kindred Soul?

Copyright © Madhavi Sarjare pagare

Details | Couplet | |

Mr Inquisitive

Could a scythe cut a slice
from a sycamore tree?
If a bird had no feathers
what bird would it be?
If a square had three corners
would it still be a square?
Will your curls always swirl
if you tug at your hair?

My curls will always swirl
For questions make them so
You will question me ‘why’
when my answer is ‘no’.
If I answer you  ‘yes’
You will question with ‘how’
If a tree could grow knowledge
I'd reach for a bough.


Copyright © Michelle Mac Donald

Details | Couplet | |

The Bird

My husband has a new friend , it's not "best man's". 
It's a winged , feathered cliche that's taken a stand.

He lives in a tree or on our porch rail. 
Don't ask what it's doing when it flicking it's tail . 

It's lived here for months and won't fly away . 
I've consider naming him until husband looks my way .

It's really quite funny to see my love rant . 
Swearing , cussing and being ty-rant .

Hosing and washing should be a deterrent 
But believe me when I say that bird is divergent .

I think he is mourning the loss of a mate , 
IT's passing won't be too soon , my husband can't wait .

He'd blast him for sure without even a word . 
But damn it to hell , he's our freakin state bird !

My son keeps repeating it's unconstitutional . 
My husband just smiles looking quite mad and delusional .

Maybe come Spring he'll fly from here .
Find another mate , far away , not near .

I try to be serious and try not to giggle . 
But over his shoulder I see that bird wiggle .
 
The swearing and cussing starts over once more . 
Grabbing his weapons he storms out the door .
 
For now I'll just watch as the battle goes on .
Bird against man , armed with a bottle of Dawn .




Copyright © Bev Smith

Details | Rhyme | |

Busted

   Busted            
When Santa got stuck down the chimney
What a terrible fright for young lives
Imagine the sight that then met them
Imagine their awful surprise.
With a crash and a thump and a holler
A bang and a whoosh and a boom
The magical globe trotting Santa
Daintily entered their room!

He landed full square in their fireplace
His hat flopped down over his eyes
He looked really much more like Black Beard
Except he was double the size.
The children sat up in amazement
Then hid and peeped through a crack
As this unfortunate dirty old Santa
Was hit on the head by his sack.

The air turned quite blue for a moment
When he finally uttered a cry
I’ve hurt every bone in my body
Was the gist of what he implied
Now Rudolph looked down from above him
Shook his head and then let out a sigh
Get up you clumsy old has been
We still have work left to do tonight.

Well Santa looked right up that chimney
His plight became clear in a flash
He was stuck with his sack at the bottom
And didn’t know how to get back.
The children, still hid in the corner
Just couldn’t believe what they saw
As this dirty old Santa recovered
Did his job and then limped out the door. 

They watched as he climbed out the window
His suit now completely akimbo
But Rudolph was there with the sleigh and a spare
He now had clean clothes to change into.
Once more Rudolph rescued the big man
Stamped his hoof, got him out of his whirl
Threatened to leave less he focus
You know, of course, Rudolph’s a girl!!!!                                                                                                                   
 
The children got up in the morning
Frustrated, annoyed and distressed,
For their bedroom looked just like a bombsite
Where two sacks of gifts had been left
Despite having left him a message
Stating ‘ please do not leave so much trash,
We are modern day children remember
What we want is a cheque or some cash’

Copyright © Heather Buxton

Details | Blank verse | |

the shipwrecked sailor

the shipwrecked sailor
from the North 
lands on land
between the seas
and sees 

nothing but trees

the trees shade him from the sun 
in the sky
the sky provides a medium 
in which the birds 
from the trees
can fly

and the birds 
nested in the trees
on occasion 
provide the sailor
birds to fry

unfortunately 
the shipwrecked sailor
after his bird meal 
and nap
still can’t fly

Copyright © RUDOLPH RINALDI

Details | Rhyme | |

The Seagulls Commute

I commute down the highway quite early each morn-
South toward the seacoast, days work to be done.
Half way to the ocean, traveling north through the sky;
A large flock of sea gulls passes me by.

They to have their work load cut out for the day:
At the nearest big land-fill on their ravenous way.
Traveling ever far inland away from the sea-
They will spend the day scouring town dumps for debris.

The hours pass slowly: comes the end of the day,
I drive the same highway to my home far away.
I see in the distance flying back to the shore;
The same flock of seagulls, but hungry no more.

I can never help smile when I meet them again,
These feathered shoplifters, heading where I have been.
Life's very well ordered for these ‘foul’ of the sea,
Who each day earn a living, lifting smelly debris.


© 2015 Diane Lefebvre

Dusk finds them at shore line with short, squawk filled flights,
They will then disappear to where gulls go at night.
But with a new dawn; I will greet them once more:
On their way to those landfills, from their home at the shore.

Copyright © Diane Lefebvre

Details | Rhyme | |

Enough Said the male Bird to his Wife

Ye….
Bu….
Ye..
Woman, shut your trap
I can’t get a word in edge ways because of your flap
Let me speak and you will see
It was another bird having an affair who looked like me

Shut your clanging man hole, for goodness sake
Me head is splitting, give me a break
Now you will suffer from lockjaw 
As I clamp your beak with my left claw

Who the hell is this other female bird?
I would not cheat on you that would be absurd
Look around we all look alike
Do something useful like loose weight, get a bike
If you keep making a scene I’ll take a hike

Don’t you dare flap your wings at me
With your tweet, tweet, tweet twittering 
Leave me alone, get a life
Oh forgive me madam, wrong wife…


** Francine Roberts’ contest**

Copyright © Sidney Hall Mad Poet

Details | Rhyme | |

Planet Earth And The Oozlum Bird

  
~~Planet Earth And The Oozlum Bird There was a question I was asked - just the other day Is the earth flat? - Well what do you think I'd say? I looked out of the window, and pondered on this thought A flat earth not round... but I came up with nought. A flat earth maybe, but we could fall off the edge Or is it surrounded by a great big privet hedge. How can we tell from our own window frame if the earth is a ball or flat - To work it out is my aim, and thats hard from where I'm sat. The formulae for finding - the horizon of the land we can see The assumption being it’s round - or spherical to you and me. Firstly distance from the observers eyes to the horizon we must square, This equals the square of the height of the observers’ eyes - I suppose that means the pair. This must be added to two times the radius, multiply by the height of the observer. Now I am getting a bit confused but I carry on with a fervour. The assumption must be according to this equation That the earth is a ball - so on this occasion... I consider the planet a bit like - the legendary Oozlum Bird If we go round in a straight line - now I know this is absurd But as the bird ran round and round chasing its own tail It disappeared up its own ass - have you heard that tale? Round and round we go on this planet ball of ours Chasing our tails sometimes - for hours and for hours The planet is round and I think... not a flat earth Or we would never have the chance to return, and laugh with such mirth As we see everyone chasing their own tails on their own ass We know like the Oozlum Bird if we are not careful...what will come to pass.

Copyright © Mandy Tams The Golden Girl

Details | Free verse | |

3 Cute Cats

                                      I have 3 cute cats
                                 They love running through
                                 my house chasing each other.
                                      They have a favorite
                                 window which holds all 3 of them
                                  quite well so they can see outside.
                                      The same time everyday
                                   after their play they all settle in
                                   together watching for the visitors
                                   who come outside their window.
                                       The bird feeder is full 
                                    of seed and the squirrels eat all
                                    that falls.
                                        Inside they their eyes glued
                                    on the visitors who are invading 
                                    their yard tails swishing back and
                                    forth as fast as they can.
                                         Than the chattering start.s
                                    it is in kitty talk but I am sure they
                                    are saying things to the birds and
                                    squirrels that they do not want me
                                     to know.
                                          After awhile they all
                                    are bored and frustrated  because
                                    tonight they won't have bird or
                                    squirrel stew.
                                            

Copyright © Author Rhonda Kay Hero - Wilson

Details | Haiku | |

A Time To Laugh

                                               ostrich swallows clock
                                            stuck in throat, alarm goes off
                                               bird brained ding-a-ling





Written on 5/8/2015
For "Make Me Chuckle" Haiku #1 Contest

Copyright © Laura Leiser

Details | Limerick | |

Trio of limericks

Trio of Limericks.


Saving money

There was an old fellow named Dave
He found a dead chook in a cave
It smelled just a bit
But he had to admit
That a whole lot of coin he did save.


When Andy got randy

There was an old sheep dog named Andy
He had such a liking for brandy
One day he got drunk 
And lord how he stunk
Cause with an old skunk he got randy.

Poor lady

Once an old lady named Faye
Who ate like a horse every day
This day she did choke
And it was no joke
Her corpse in a heap now does lay.



Copyright © Peter Duggan