(sing to tune of Hush Little Baby)
Hush, little PD, don't say a word.
Nathan's gonna buy you a mocking bird.
If that bird makes fun of you....
that's what that bird is supposed to do!
Take that bird and trade it in.
Buy yourself a coat made of leopard skin.
Take great care to not go out
anywhere that PETA might be about.
You could get hit in the head.
PETA activists can sure see red.
If a new coat you don't need,
how about a new cat, Persian breed?
If that cat sheds too much hair,
have Nathan take you out to a fair.
Fairs are fun. You can't go wrong.
Are you fast asleep yet from this dumb song?
If you're not, I have to say....
your insomnia is here to STAY.
Written by Andrea on Oct. 22, 2012
For Send me to sleep....... Poetry Contest
Happy ZZZZZZZZs to you, PD
Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2012
They organized a church bazaar,
To raise money for the poor.
A booth for selling chances
Was set up, outside the door.
When I bought the raffle ticket,
My reasoning was murky,
And I could only just believe it,
When I won that doggone turkey.
Now, the kids were all excited
When we brought the critter home.
So we placed him in the barnyard,
Where he'd have lots of room to roam.
Since the date was late October,
I'm quite sure you understand,
That to have him for Thanksgiving
Was my awe inspiring plan.
Well, the turkey was no birdbrain,
As I was very soon to find.
That bird knew what I was thinking;
Why, I declare, he read my mind.
I let the children care for him,
To my most profound regret--
He turned on his charming manner,
And, quickly, he became their pet.
But that fact did not deter me,
I told myself it didn't matter.
I was dead set and determined
To see that gobbler on a platter.
When the kids perceived my purpose,
They turned on the tears and pleas.
Then, the wife joined in their chorus,
And that brought me to my knees.
So I told my grieving family
They could dry up, and relax.
I concealed my disappointment--
Went and put away the axe.
Came the dinner of Thanksgiving,
Not a sad face could be found.
And our live Thanksgiving turkey
Was the gladdest bird around.
We gathered around the table,
And I humbly asked the blessing--
While Tom gobbled down his corn, outside,
We had hotdogs and dressing.
Copyright © William Robinson | Year Posted 2006
-honestly...I have no clue why...-
As I began to rest in my fickle dream
Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep
I was greeted by many a whisker
And petulant snores from my sister
The cat mewed ferociously and purred
For there on the other side of the window—was a bird!
It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass!
And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass
Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm
I swear my bosom was gone!
The cat then motioned at the feathered brat
For her bright breasts seemed extra fat
Of course it wouldn’t have been that
But I couldn’t just blame the cat!
I opened the window only a crack
And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?”
Such pride she attained from my bosom
Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!?
The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye
But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly!
She plopped to the ground and squawked
I would have laughed, but I was shocked!
The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes
Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!”
Before I could think I had fallen to the ground
To a booming, most terrible sound!
My eyes then opened to a cat on my head
As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2013
I don’t know what I’m complaining about,
it’s not like I’ve been cuffed,
All I have to do is show up for dinner.
After all it’s the bird that got stuffed.
It’s not like they’re asking a lot from me
they won’t work me till I’ve croaked,
All I have to do is show up and eat.
After all it’s the bird that got smoked.
I can’t tell you that they’ll torture me
and it seems to be reasonably priced,
All I have to do is visit for a while.
After all it’s the bird that got sliced.
I could tell them things to make them laugh
until their gravy becomes splattered,
All I’d have to do is tell a joke to them.
After all it’s the bird that got plattered.
I think that it smells good enough that I’ll eat
until they claim my leg’s been hollowed,
All I have to do is not complain about things.
After all it’s the bird that got swallowed.
I’ve never given it much thought before
but a bird’s life is really kind of murky
I guess I’d rather be the Thanksgiving guest today
than be the Thanksgiving Turkey.
Copyright © Tony Lane | Year Posted 2011
The worst nightmare would be if I
Was an ostrich, and (of course) couldn’t fly.
The fly-guys sit around chugging bird-beer
Boasting of chicks they’ve held dear -
And tales of diving and soaring -
But my earthbound tail is boring.
They exclude me because I’m absurd -
I’m not a real bird. . . . not a bird’s bird.
But if there was reincarnation later,
I’d want to be a penguin, a wearer
Of a smart suit like a posh waiter,
With a kick-ass name like Emperor.
Surely all would find the idea bold:
A story for other birds to be retold.
Yes, my bird-cred card would be gold,
Enjoying the Antarctic cold.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Copyright © Sidney Beck | Year Posted 2011
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
(This is a fictional poem)
Copyright © randy johnson | Year Posted 2014
All day long the little bird cries
Over and over again he tries
Full array for all the ladies passing by
Can't they see he's found a home
Where little babies can be grown
But he cannot do it alone
He's desperate for a date
He really needs a mate
In month of May it's not too late
On the little red house there sits a perch
Where on and off he chirps and chirps
But all the ladies only flirt
So alas this tale has but a sad end
As the little house sits with no one to attend
For it seems his services he could not lend
Copyright © Chris Hagy | Year Posted 2016
As children are
They all want a pet
I wanted a horse
My little sister wanted a pony
Our parents compromised
They got us a goldfish
Of course we had to name our new pet
We compromised yet again and called him
Now turtle would spend hours and hours
Running and jumping around an around in his watery fields
A very fast Turtle he was
We decided to film our little turtle and so we did
The show off would make jokes and acrobats
Turns out he was a real comedian
(also an expert at cards, especially Go Fish)
To out surprise, an evil man didn’t like our wee turtle
Why he called him a darn little monkey
He said he would shatter our fish bowl
Well he called it a Monkey bowel
Then one day we saw something miraculous
A second gold fish
Turns out he was a she
Happily now my sister and I both had pets
She a wee little pony and me
A great big beautiful black stallion
She name her Pony Grasshopper
So worried she was, that the evil man from far away
Would do great harm to us, Grasshopper and Turtle
She said we should get on our pony and horse
And ride away on the ocean, far away and safe
Then all of a sudden, our neighbors Korean Siamese cat jumped
Right through the window, and right smack into the fish bowl
Poor Turtle and Grasshopper, all over the floor
My sister cried her little heart out that day
From that moment forward, I just could never get myself
To drink Orange crush again
Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2014
my home is on great statues
Edward J. Ebbs - 5/16/15
Written for: PICTURE YOURSELF AS A BIRD - Poetry Contest, just for laughs
Copyright © Edward Ebbs | Year Posted 2015
I commute down the highway quite early each morn:
South toward the seashore, days work to be done.
Half way to the ocean, traveling north through the sky;
A large flock of sea gulls, passes me by.
They too have their work load cut out for the day:
At the nearest large land-fill, on their ravenous way.
Traveling ever far inland away from the sea:
They will spend the day scouring town dumps for debris.
The hours pass slowly: comes the end of my day,
I drive the same highway to a home far away.
I see in the distance flying back to the shore;
The same flock of seagulls, but hungry no more.
I can never help smile when I meet them again,
These feathered shoplifters, heading where I have been.
Life's very well ordered for these ‘foul’ of the sea,
Who each day earn a living, stealing smelly debris.
Dusk finds them at shore line with short, squawk filled flights,
They will then disappear to where gulls go at night.
And with a new morning; I will greet them once more:
On their way to those landfills, from their home at the shore.
Copyright © Diane Lefebvre | Year Posted 2015
He has no laser vision, and he lacks the gift of flight.
He has no rocket car to drive; his clothes aren’t even tight.
He's a stranger to Metropolis and Gotham’s out of reach
So he spends a lot of time just South of Erie’s beach.
He fell from space and landed hard, in Cleveland, USA.
It’s not somewhere he’d choose to be, if he could have his way.
He thinks Ohio's pretty drab, and something’s gotta change
perhaps he’ll run for president; come now…it’s not THAT strange.
He can start in NYC, a sleepy little town…
to test the slogan that he’ll use: America, Get Down.
He’ll fix his tie, and light a smoke; he'll practice his quack-fu.
The platform that he's running on is always-tell-it-true.
Trump vs. Clinton’s getting old, those two both really suck.
So next year when you’re at the polls, vote: Howard the Duck!
Entry for Comic Book Characters
Hosted by: Shadow Hamilton
*edited 9/16 to reflect the appropriate Republican (debatable...but whatever) candidate.
Copyright © The Grahamburglar | Year Posted 2015
There once was a Bird named Cher
who's resolution was not to swear
she duct taped her beak
where not a word could leak
and fluttered her wings in prayer
Copyright © Rick Parise | Year Posted 2013
ostrich swallows clock
stuck in throat, alarm goes off
bird brained ding-a-ling
Written on 5/8/2015
For "Make Me Chuckle" Haiku #1 Contest
Copyright © Laura Leiser | Year Posted 2015
Could a scythe cut a slice
from a sycamore tree?
If a bird had no feathers
what bird would it be?
If a square had three corners
would it still be a square?
Will your curls always swirl
if you tug at your hair?
My curls will always swirl
For questions make them so
You will question me ‘why’
when my answer is ‘no’.
If I answer you ‘yes’
You will question with ‘how’
If a tree could grow knowledge
I'd reach for a bough.
Copyright © Michelle Mac Donald | Year Posted 2012
When Santa got stuck down the chimney
What a terrible fright for young lives
Imagine the sight that then met them
Imagine their awful surprise.
With a crash and a thump and a holler
A bang and a whoosh and a boom
The magical globe trotting Santa
Daintily entered their room!
He landed full square in their fireplace
His hat flopped down over his eyes
He looked really much more like Black Beard
Except he was double the size.
The children sat up in amazement
Then hid and peeped through a crack
As this unfortunate dirty old Santa
Was hit on the head by his sack.
The air turned quite blue for a moment
When he finally uttered a cry
I’ve hurt every bone in my body
Was the gist of what he implied
Now Rudolph looked down from above him
Shook his head and then let out a sigh
Get up you clumsy old has been
We still have work left to do tonight.
Well Santa looked right up that chimney
His plight became clear in a flash
He was stuck with his sack at the bottom
And didn’t know how to get back.
The children, still hid in the corner
Just couldn’t believe what they saw
As this dirty old Santa recovered
Did his job and then limped out the door.
They watched as he climbed out the window
His suit now completely akimbo
But Rudolph was there with the sleigh and a spare
He now had clean clothes to change into.
Once more Rudolph rescued the big man
Stamped his hoof, got him out of his whirl
Threatened to leave less he focus
You know, of course, Rudolph’s a girl!!!!
The children got up in the morning
Frustrated, annoyed and distressed,
For their bedroom looked just like a bombsite
Where two sacks of gifts had been left
Despite having left him a message
Stating ‘ please do not leave so much trash,
We are modern day children remember
What we want is a cheque or some cash’
Copyright © Heather Buxton | Year Posted 2014
My favourite comics is the Peanuts strip
Featuring 'good grief' good old Charlie Brown
Reading it takes me on a pleasant trip
Especially when Snoopy is around
Charlie Brown's faithful beagle is Snoopy
They get along with each other quite well
He can be sneaky when he is ready
Yet, just when and where, you can never tell
When Linus, in one hand, holds his blanket
The thumb of his other hand in his mouth
Snoopy sneaks in, suddenly grabs hold of it
Then runs around, spinning him all about
Yellow Woodstock is Snoopy's feathered friend
He bounces up and down when he's flying
On Snoopy's friendship he needs to depend
He alone knows what Woodstock is saying
Snoopy flies off in his Sopwith Camel
To the skies to battle the Red Baron
They both engage in a fearsome duel
Each trying to outdo the other one
Snoopy dances around when he's happy
If Lucy is close by, she must watch out
He would dance up to her very closely
Lean over and then kiss her on the mouth
Copyright © john beharry | Year Posted 2015
You all must read Sara Kendrick’s poem the “Chicken” before reading this one!!!!
Thanks Sara for giving me such a great idea!!!!!
Broadways.... "Chicken Play"
The stage was dimly lit
For the opening of this play
The crowd was clucking in anticipation
They had no idea
A love story
A play of philosophy
The writer used a feather quill
Was this not a hint?
The main actress, was a real bird she was
She strutted and strolled
The audience was captivated
Her allure was on display
Her beauty hid she was heartless hen
Out jumped the Kernel Saunders!!!!
Sword in one hand
13 secret spices in the other
Well, this birds suitors ran to her defense
To no avail at all
These buccaneers would end up in a bucket
I do not lie
It included the fries
Sadly parts where tosses to and fro
Necks and wings and breasts were sliced
It sure was not a pretty sight
A civil war this was not
The dame was slaughtered on a southern shore
Let this me a lesson to you all you gizards
While the chickens are away
It’s for sure
This silly poet will play!!
Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2014
the shipwrecked sailor
from the North
lands on land
between the seas
nothing but trees
the trees shade him from the sun
in the sky
the sky provides a medium
in which the birds
from the trees
and the birds
nested in the trees
provide the sailor
birds to fry
the shipwrecked sailor
after his bird meal
still can’t fly
Copyright © RUDOLPH RINALDI | Year Posted 2014
Long miles of tedious journey,
Missing my darling honey.
Travelling impatiently, spend thousands of
Hope god will bless me with ma lucky soul
at this season.
Equatorial island exploring its amazed
beauty, glittering with immersed grasses.
Wrapped by queens necklaced small lake
aside, at the outskirts of dalhousie.
My heart dwelled into its god gifted
When the night lime lighted,
Millions of stars scattered around
As if its was a wondering boon.
Lucky enough for landing with my next
Eagerly waiting for my heart chaser,
Girl passed near by, few seconds later.
Flaming beauty mould my soul.
Topped with innocence, ready for my
Her chic appearance,
Her innocent appeal.
Strucking heart raised with high beats..
Awaited for our romantic date in ma
Frequency of our nature matched.
Stolen Eyes of each other were catched.
Strings of our heart whistled
Everything had happened miraclelously.
I rebelled the three precious words of
Accepting my red rose, She blushed.
At event of recreation, campfire were
Nobody around us, private moments
between we two spotlighted.
Playing guitar, she sinked with every beat,
That's the coincidence our eyes again
Hand in hand danced with the soothing
Sparkling smile on her face beamed.
Getting closer to her, because of her
Expecting the light around us to be dim.
The romantic moment again came,
Flaps of my soul opened for the grand
She looked too pretty in her gold lame
My heart awarded her an order of chivalry.
Don't know who are you, but baby you are
the one, I am in love.
You live in me, You are my love
I feel you in my heart,
You are my world, I just cant stay apart!
Please don't hesitate, please don't lie,
Whatever you feel, my heart can buy!
Angel of life, Its just you.
Completeness in life can't be without you.
Wanna Carry journey happily together.
Tickling nose, Queenly beauty of my white
Hold my senses, its caught by you.
Don't let be just memories, wanna feel
ecstasy of love towards you forever.
Promising to hold your hand throughout
life in this lovely weather.
Will be your shadow, because your pain
will be mine.
Its destiny that our heart clicked a
snapshot of each other's soul.
Stopping by my question, Will you marry
me, my Kindred Soul?
Copyright © Madhavi Sarjare pagare | Year Posted 2013
He sat on his tree to think
But the smell below was so rank
He's only a bird
Can't speak a word
Oh, how much those humans stink!
Copyright © Theresa a.k.a. Reecie | Year Posted 2012
~~Planet Earth And The Oozlum Bird
There was a question I was asked - just the other day
Is the earth flat? - Well what do you think I'd say?
I looked out of the window, and pondered on this thought
A flat earth not round... but I came up with nought.
A flat earth maybe, but we could fall off the edge
Or is it surrounded by a great big privet hedge.
How can we tell from our own window frame if the earth is a ball or flat -
To work it out is my aim, and thats hard from where I'm sat.
The formulae for finding - the horizon of the land we can see
The assumption being it’s round - or spherical to you and me.
Firstly distance from the observers eyes to the horizon we must square,
This equals the square of the height of the observers’ eyes - I suppose that means the pair.
This must be added to two times the radius, multiply by the height of the observer.
Now I am getting a bit confused but I carry on with a fervour.
The assumption must be according to this equation
That the earth is a ball - so on this occasion...
I consider the planet a bit like - the legendary Oozlum Bird
If we go round in a straight line - now I know this is absurd
But as the bird ran round and round chasing its own tail
It disappeared up its own ass - have you heard that tale?
Round and round we go on this planet ball of ours
Chasing our tails sometimes - for hours and for hours
The planet is round and I think... not a flat earth
Or we would never have the chance to return, and laugh with such mirth
As we see everyone chasing their own tails on their own ass
We know like the Oozlum Bird if we are not careful...what will come to pass.
Copyright © Mandy Tams The Golden Girl | Year Posted 2012
THE RAVEN (NOT FROM POE)
A raven chick attempted first flying lesson
He didn't quite make his preplanned destination
Mother bird stood by evaluating his flying foray
Okay is good but good is not okay
There's more to this story and it's all true
Mother had something more before she
When her little bird alighted on one of
She flew to him and placed a treat from
her beak into the fledger's
But there are some who have no use for birds
Using birds as models for disparaging words
Pointing a finger "bird brain" they will say
Not realizing the finger is pointed the wrong way
Copyright © Elizabeth Smith | Year Posted 2014
Woman, shut your trap
I can’t get a word in edge ways because of your flap
Let me speak and you will see
It was another bird having an affair who looked like me
Shut your clanging man hole, for goodness sake
Me head is splitting, give me a break
Now you will suffer from lockjaw
As I clamp your beak with my left claw
Who the hell is this other female bird?
I would not cheat on you that would be absurd
Look around we all look alike
Do something useful like loose weight, get a bike
If you keep making a scene I’ll take a hike
Don’t you dare flap your wings at me
With your tweet, tweet, tweet twittering
Leave me alone, get a life
Oh forgive me madam, wrong wife…
** Francine Roberts’ contest**
Copyright © Sidney Hall Mad Poet | Year Posted 2011
I have 3 cute cats
They love running through
my house chasing each other.
They have a favorite
window which holds all 3 of them
quite well so they can see outside.
The same time everyday
after their play they all settle in
together watching for the visitors
who come outside their window.
The bird feeder is full
of seed and the squirrels eat all
Inside they their eyes glued
on the visitors who are invading
their yard tails swishing back and
forth as fast as they can.
Than the chattering start.s
it is in kitty talk but I am sure they
are saying things to the birds and
squirrels that they do not want me
After awhile they all
are bored and frustrated because
tonight they won't have bird or
Copyright © Author Rhonda Kay Hero - Wilson | Year Posted 2011
A bird sat in a tree
And looked down at me
And said rather musically “uh huh”
He cocked his head to one side
And then the other
Peering straight at me
I of course replied, “uh huh”
Imitating his spontaneous bird talk
He hopped back a step, surprised
Understanding, then answered back, “uh huh”
Delighted with our conversation
I replied with a friendly “uh huh”
I know our conversation is limited
But I’m happy to carry on
This inter specie dialogue
A connection, a shared moment
I’m sure he understands
Nodding his head in affirmation
Then he rattled on and on,
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
Copyright © James Gibbons | Year Posted 2010
Samantha once scampered a tree
To see whatever she could see.
So far up did she boost
That an owl came to roost
On Sammy's precarious knee.
Copyright © Richard Breese | Year Posted 2014
he hammers away
Copyright © Patricia Sawyer | Year Posted 2008
I know a bird who sways and swings
He jumps and kicks and flaps his wings
He cannot fly in stormy weather
He cannot strut his fluffy feathers
So instead he sits and sings.
Copyright © Don Davidson | Year Posted 2013
Oh there once was a bird in the sky
Till he said " I am Hungry Oh MY!"
He hopped on the ground
Till a fat worm was found
Then he swallowed it up with a sigh.
Copyright © Patricia Sawyer | Year Posted 2008
I once heard a knock at my door
And there was a crow repeating "No more"
I was so taken aback
I hit him with a rack
And sent him crashing right on the floor!
Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014