The days seem to go by so fast. there is a void in the air, the birds have lost their vibrant beat, the ocean has lost its luster, the soil feels solid and dry.
My soul feels as if it has left my body before my death, my dreams haunt my day, the tears stain my steps, my doctor says that it is depression, I say that it is reality, I am intoxicated by society,I am numb by perscriptions.
Why do I feel so isolated within myself? is there no one in my painfully tight shoes? can anyone understand my pain? can anyone melt in my sorrows? why am I this way? why is the world so cruel? why can't I be normal?
Wait! I am normal, what am I saying, I know now, the veil has been lifted, humanity is my enemy, the sins that drip from their sweat, the dread that follows their shadows, their souls of black, their intentions of greed pull a shade across their eyes.
They are destined for doom, they will not be saved, they will not find salvation, they belittle me, they curse me, they shame me, but they are right about one thing, I am different, unlike them, I will be saved in the last days.
Black squirrels bound skewways
from the house, shadowshifts
falling darkly on
dusty white autumnal
snow. Paw prints run
makeshift memories soon
snowed over. Leaping
on tree trunks they wind their
way upward on paths of birch
bark in quick roundhouse runs.
I watch them go from
a seat by the door
and eavesdrop on the
dripping eaves trough. Icicles
hang like stalactites
The heater blows dry
air over my face as
dust rides recirculated
draft flows and floats upward
in a beam of magnetic
light. A thin frosting
of human sloughcells
settles on the windowsill
in a regiment I
attack with the duster
before they regroup and
resettle. Single cells
born of a single self. I
pace circles on the
fading cream carpet.
Spring showering shores
rabbits running round in amusing
the glitter great glacier
been sparkle spends slightness by branches
wind witnesses willingly be affections
In reflection raised recreation.
And sense a rat, small the tale it
Running stopped by the torso as hulking.
Leaping in barefoot abandon
Soaring every which way from Sunday
Laughter effortlessly exhaling cool breezes.
Lounging on nature’s lush carpet
Silhouette illumined by carefree serenity
Lapping up rays and shining them back
Licorice sticks and crackers and brie
Sweet plumpness of kiwi and mango and peach
Licking ripe juices off contented grin
Long luscious showers in waterfall glory
Swirling delightfully playfully pure
Lingering loving caresses of freshness
Last blush of daylight’s electrical charge
Sunset yields gracefully generously kind
Lights flicker syntax where space enfolds meaning
Lay here beside me
Savor my dream
Let my enchantment touch yours
The Feeling of Fishing while Floating
Is Graded on Goading, and Gloating
Bystanders oft blindly believe
In salmon the size of my sleeve
Tall Tales at the Time Told True
In Grandeur they Gained and they Grew
But my Rod and Reel won't Remember
Come the Dread and the Din of December
And by the Time I again Tell my Tale
I Will have Wrangled Ahab's White Whale
Running at the right rhythm
no nonsense needing attention;
Doing a dance though the day
ferociously fast It's flying!
Built to be a busy bee,
waking wanting to be working;
taking advantage of the time;
Running at the right rhythm
Coveting each click of the clock
does it exist was it natural or created possibly invented or a reaction its everywhere and nowhere it tracks us keeps us organized and aware its our most precious asset for without such precious knowledge as time where is when an what is then or now or soon? my most precious commodity my most valued treasure for this concept i can never get more of i am only set with a certain amount from new born till graveyard i shall make my prized fortune last and make the best use of it
Living lying on a lonely bed
Listening loving on the lessons said
"Tomorrow! Yes Tomorrow" will change a man's feelings from sorrow.
Living longing for the future now
Leaving lonely image and mem'ries down
"Tomorrow! Yes tomorrow!" Said a man full of hope from sorrow.
Yeah I can get so hyped up with life so high I'm so freaking verbally drunk like a psycho,
Mind so wrong nothing in my vocabulary at that time in my mind can get right though,
A piece of this hate cake in this corrupt dictionary I'm going to have to take a bite though,
Whether the answer is written in hell yeah or heck no,
Im going to shoot through your deer less body like a scoped out rifle,
You just another liar if you say my words aint make your mind shake and awake with a stifle,
Im shooting sideways, up, down, so much I get high low,
I could be telling true lies when you see my fake gun ridden smiles,
I might just shoot self in head because Im getting a little too suicidal,
Im in need of God because I keep skipping planned revivals,
Im reading the rhyme master Shakespeare I aint reading the Bible,
Im playing with word bullets shiny as a burning star struggling for simple survival,
I want people to tell the truth but cant help but keep telling themselves lies though,
Hiidden demons in the book of lifes closet dont tell me how it is because I know,
I too onced played with life like a toy plastic as Tyco,
Im going to stand out in this world like the tower of Eifel,
Im going to bring out all my freaking hidden poetic files,
Im putting word ryhme puzzles together like floor tiles
Im going to do it now not later gator or after while crocodile,
I got little time in life left on the sun dial,
I got but few years or even months left before I face my ultimate trial,
But first Im going to have some fun into the night sun until I get riled,
But family comes first I must start to think of my own seed, my very own child,
I got to stop the ways of living stupid like Im out of hand so wild,
I must drink from the fountain of life like the Egyptians do from the Nile,
Pull my own way out this ****ing trash, this bull *****pile,
I got to stay strong in the mean time because everything in life takes a little while,
Sometimes I dont give a **** about nobody because it feels as if I have nothing to live for, but now I got a child I would die for
So now I must keep living because if I die I know I would leave behind a child behind that I would cry for,
I must walk that road less traveled like a car breaking down on the open road still trying to idle,
Walking amongst greats is going to be my own personal hypo,
I will walk strong in the days that I die in my last UNSEEN MILES......
It’s a work day
And it’s my Birthday
All the fours
A Grade - A
Life’s not designed
To be kind
Never mind – eh!
We drew near one another and yet we couldn't be farther apart our youth prevents us from making drastic choices to close the distance but we feel or one another we care and know our partner the distance is to great to far for any interactions and yet it's just land that lay before us waiting for us to make those steps in each others direction for there is no such thing as time it doesn't exist clocks exist we have all the time in the world it will happen someday
Images fade as new ones appear glimpses from my stricken past shoot through my fragile mind and break me down courage and hope is gained my soul begins to come into focus once more then shattered at the slightest thought of previous events. Pain slowly dissipates then courses through my veins once more. when will the morning sun finally end and allow my mind to rest. All my peers see is the painting of myself I have put in front of them for me to hide behind while I find a solution my physical being goes through its daily and regular paces while my mind is in a thousand different places at once every day how to grow how to take those drastic steps into the future and not be pushed back into the past is time truly my only obstacle? Father knows I am impatient Mr. Time why make me suffer anymore abide by his rules I must father time waits, stops, and fast forward's for no one
Despising, Deceiving, Denying
Lying, Lynching, Looting
Mindless, Morals, Misconceiving
Opening, Options, Obsolete
Treacherous, Treasonous, Thieves
Thinking, They, Them
Boasting, Bullying, Blinding
Forsaking, Forbidding, Friends
Uniting, Under, Unity
Sending, Signals, Selfishly
Can’t, Control, Consciousness
Everyone, Escape, Earth
Holding, Here, Hell
Never, Not, Now
Win, We, Will
Yearning, Ye, Yes
Illumination, Inside, Increasing
Evil, Ending, Extinct
I live in a place striving for sobriety surrounded in alcohol looking for happiness trapped among our very own sadness. I hear my people’s laughs and I hear my people’s cries, but most of all I see their dreams because their dreams are my dreams because we remain not against each other today as enemies but hidden friends united through culture, language and blood. I laugh with my people and of course I cry with my people and I fight with my people but most of all I continue to dream with my people. I know who I am and where I am from to know where I been to still hope to where I am going to go. I feel darkness engulf not only myself but also almost my entire reservation’s race, no matter mixed or not because soon our culture and language will have no face without any more light to shine upon it. I know where I lived and still live to know if I will truly go where I truly want to go in life before I have my one walk with death. I know by a long shot that I am not the best but by a close hit on the reservation’s target I could be better.
I take a stand against self to stand against others to better a worsening crowd of many young lost indigenous souls waiting to be unknowingly found and waiting for something similar to what I’m about to write. I take a stand for self so that others know that we aren’t all lost and we can and will be found with the true hope of no one’s but your own. I take a stand because my brothers and sisters wont, I take a stand because now days most the people around me or within me can’t or don’t know how, I take a stand for the children who don’t have a father and mother as I once had, I take a stand for my unborn child almost here, I take a stand for courage because within me is filled with fear, I take a stand against because the alcohol and drugs within me now I just can’t stand, I take a stand for those around me who cannot stand, I take a stand for a culture dying on its knee’s trying to get back up, I take a stand for the forsaken yet to be forgiven self-stand.
I patiently wait, lying away in the darkness searching for light even though I can see the light I just don’t know how to get on thy path to the light. I am not alone, I know for a fact that I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings about life on earth here. I can see our pain, I can hear the hollers and screams, I can feel your anguish and I can smell our destruction. I walk through the reservation valley of darkness as if I am but a blind witness to our own destruction upon where many of us go unknown truly forever in depths of time, in the depths of death.
I know that I cannot give in or give up on a dream of a people’s dream where the buffalo in our young hearts and minds may roam around free and where the wolf warrior chief may rise above all odds and become thy greatest modern day warrior, the people seek him, the people crave him, the people need him, the people need someone to rise if not geographically the worldwide mentally.
Much time has passed since I last inked a page,
unlinked the chain caging my blemished heart
bleeding sorrow art upon this stage of limbo still
I clutch the air to feel, yet I feel ill of love
as she eludes the days beyond my tears that fall.
Behind this door disguised not one person knows
the decay that flows through my withering soul
as a broken hull would tardily sink a vast ship
waters of solitary time drain my veins of love,
her pain raw…
with each rise of sun she conquers me more.
This deafening voice has silenced me with doubt
as violent bouts of crazed loneliness creep,
plundering into my life it seeps through my lips
and spits out swallowed words of stars and moons
beyond the cloud and the sun that swoon the day
I lay alone...
my heart shivering between lungs that breathe life
like a cold knife pressed against my shriveling skin.
Doesn't love know that I am dying inside,
that I hide defeat with fake acts that keep me away
from pity and pray in a faith I practice none
yet I am the one brought down to my knees
curled as a fetus praying through tears
that wash my face with bitter taste…
I’m dying for love to find my soul,
find that place where two become whole.
Senses heightened, the world around me clear, warmth wrapped around my body, the cool air runs over my face. time has told me many things, it has taught me how, why, who and when. while fate has led me to these events not knowing what will become of it. it must've been necessary for my growth. yes you have hit a rut in your life yes you’ve turned to the jagged edge for release. but no more the world is vast and wonderous and yours for the taking. wait i say that’s the cure, patience. new adventures await let fate and time be your mentors.
My bed is anxious,waiting for my snores
Today's going to bed, tomorrow's a few steps ahead
I wonder why I took "the" pen
I feel like putting them down
What am I inking?
Just wanna scratch my itchy paper with my juicy ink
Singers? Go sing...
Comedians? Go do comedy...
Others? What's your "itchy paper?"
Have you applied your "ink?"
Be good at what you do
Love what you do
Go scratch it!
She lives with friends.
She meets her loves.
She starts her work.
She sits as a dove.
She runs her life.
She's got all that.
But then she's found
Dead on the track.
The trembling thumb of threatening thunder
Strikes silvery shimmering of silken sludge
And adjoins an arch on alter of an afforest.
It inverts insipid immobility of irrationality.
bound beautifully in blossoms bossom
bend backwards in in time
the blissful nature nutures the negative
turning on the glow positive energy endeavoring everyone
and goodhearted gladness gathering goodness from within
the kiss planted on your heart heals all hurts
the blessed kiss from an angel
angles the blessing to heal all from within
the time to spread such joy is everyday of the year
the hope abound from a common cause
causes all good cheer from year to year
caressed carefully in caual curiosity
the candles glow brightens away the shadows
the goodness in us all shines thoroughly thru
the bliss of life is overwhelming
and leaves us giddy with hope eternal
and brings spring early into our lives
to liven up the spirits the have darkened over the years
our days shall always have a halo of hope
we just need a little bliss to illuminate it
This revolution will not be all cute and sweet just because these teens having
babies think that they man that laid with them who made this production possible
will be in the room with them while they are pushing and yelling, "HEE HEE HOO.
HEE HEE HOO".
This revolution will not be worried about why this person is with my person but
will settle it by not caring about going to jail just because.” HE WAS
This revolution revolving around teens hitting up myspace just to get a little
action but not knowing half of these teen boys online are grown men but just by
surprise you go by yourself to give up yourself , not knowing that will probably be
the last time yourself will be given.
Parents abandoning their kids, not caring about where they are and who their
with and how they get money, so these teens stoop to lower levels and strip
while selling their bodies just for some cash not knowing they could have been
better than that, but this revolution with parents have not realized.
Having sex just to find love, "baby theirs more people in this life time that loves
you instead of these played out boys given you the line", “if you love me you'll ha
ha, you know". This revolution is just filled with lies, WOW, just think twice.
This revolution, this revolution. Teens are getting tired, depressed, and lying
because this revolution is filled with lies.
Moon morning mean at dawning by
with wrest winter the field tree
great ground glances from any posted are
revels reface refuse, not heaven
deny deeply delight, not of birds’ sings
melody must mix with the dawning
Souls by eminent feeling are aliveness.
content at moments still - how long a 100's of an hour possibly more? unknown time is an ally but betrays my trust - turning on me like the dark transcendence moon overwhelming the lulling sun in the evenings day - overtaking it slowly quietly drowning it in its purest shade of black - until all is null and silenced - these past months of my own life - pressured rushed dis fulfilling no more - dont miss treat me time - your my most precious asset you wont last forever
belfrey and the bats therein
risen high on heady winds
as if a quirk as if a whim
the bats like rats within my soul
they sat like cats within my skull
beneath this skin inside was sin
this world will fail for lack of men
and bats full of rabid ilk
spilled my brain with spider silk
i quaffed the gall and rancid milk
to binge i cringe outside the fringe
and cinder singe my heart a twinge
O belfrey and the bats therein
i've hurt my friends my love my kin
the world will fall because of men
as ashes fall from burning oil
demand the bats be damned to toil
be dimmed to gnats and brought to boil
the world will fall as well as men
House to house
A passing, admiring scent
Hold me...we'll pass
House to house
You are still apart of me
Hold your horses
Fight the tears
Wipe them away until everything
House to house
Passing by torment
Do you know the hint?
When time runs out
I wait till some sun
Peaks in this forbidden forest
Tormented by breaking summers
Drenched...on no one's side
Just stay near...beside...abide
We'll stay house to house
Excited by curiosity
There will be a house for us
A key to joy
Let us go...explore this terrain
We'll have a roof
To push aside the rain
To clear our years away
We are definitely here to stay
House to house
Torment to joy
We are invited
To stay here forever
Without no guilt
There is no way
That I'm moving
Ruins me to the core
With my lady friend
And began to tend
Our wanted life
House to house
Dealing with passing
To and fro by searching
House to house
well, that's a choice and many ascending-avatars spent eons of time in their caves trying to get out from behind the many-reflections of this sentimental-reality in flow -- this was the goal for awhile and they were called stream-winners when they'd finally grasped that the numinous moving-us is just a trick of the light --
however, the means of getting out of the stream all together was as illusive as stepping in the same stream twice, so they sat staring at forever, until wonder turned into awe and their eyes glittered with the beauty that they saw, and then they found that the stream returns in an infinite 'eternal-recurrence' which means that not only do you step in the same stream twice or more, but that the stream craves you more and more each time it passes by, longing for you in infinite waves, speeding up to feel you deep-inside; 'tis then that you have more and more deja-vu's flowing inside-out to open your eyes wide, from this free-flowing streaming-embrace, this free streaming-love in which we each take a step in grace ...
To city limits...
to summer breezes....
to skirts and stilettos....
to short rest stops...
all I wanted was a cracker....
all i got was....
all i got was....
a banana boat...
a rest stop....
a banana boat....
and in all your healing....
i never leaned on....
like a leaf....
red like a diamond...
wrong wedding ring...
maybe i'll carry....
you in jest....
like falling out of the sky....
in a playing field...
in shattered gold...
i wanted to steal...
and all i got...
Love and life ,now lost in time .
Deluded dreams that drive the hope .
When meaningful moments marched in rhyme
For pauper,priest ,Prince and Pope .
Sceptics scan each scrap of news
With time and tide precision tools ,
Where visionaries vent their victory views.
For friend and foe's forgiving fools .
Throwing my life into such a fate,
Shows how far it starts off late,
My life is spinning and it’s spinning fast,
Circling around in a world so vast,
Around and around the merry-go-round goes,
Until all of what I don’t know flows,
Flowing in circles around and around,
Until one day ill hit the ground,
The ground as cold and harsh while I hit,
Will throw me back into the pit,
The circling pit from which I came
A finder’s fee for finding their fill
Provided me some time to kill
The fee fully was so fair
As I had money to burn and time to spare
A sweet sexy sensational senorita
Made me think I had to meet her
With her hands all over, there was a cost
The money I had, is now all quite lost