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Funny Women Poems | Funny Poems About Women

These Funny Women poems are examples of Funny poems about Women. These are the best examples of Funny Women poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme royal | |

Burns night - My Toast to the Lassies

Well, it’s thanks to my friend, Neillie, that I'm standing here today;
He captured me down at his shop as I reached out to pay.
He said, “I have a job for you, and you've twelve weeks to prepare.”
I thought, my God - he wants his toenails clipped or help to dye his hair.

Now, a toast that's for the ladies; Lord, wherever will I start?
He said, “That's nothing rude or nothing crude, but something from the heart.”
So, I scratched my head and searched my soul; I was’nae getting far.
It seems that Neillie's harsh restrictions took out half my repertoire.

Anyway - Oh the Bard, he loved the ladies, and oh how they loved him back;
Seems a poem's all it took those days to get them in the sack.
No wonder he liked writing of the love that hid within,
Which explains his suave and healthy look, and how he kept so trim.

If only it were like that now; I’d write for all I'm worth,
Grabbing every chance I could each day to nail another verse.
And my wife, she would be pleased for me at all my new attention,
And I'd be thin from running scared from too much pain to mention.

Now, once my business took me roaming to each corner of Great Britain,
So, I catalogued the ladies; just the ones that I was smitten.
Well, Welsh girls they took hours to please, and the Irish take some beating,
And the English girls are very, very nice if your ears can take their bleating.
Ah, but Scottish girls are best by far; as steady as a rock,
But, if by chance your eye should stray, you'll wake withoot your cock.

So I married one, with no regrets; best move that I've made yet,
And I love her dear, with all my heart, in a life with no regret.
For like the Bard, I settled down when love could get no hotter,
But compared to him and his wondrous works, sure I'm just a ditty jotter.

Oh Sweet Ladies, you are dear to us - where would we be without you?
In wrinkled clothes and motley beards in a house of straw and cow poo.
Without you we would just exist - watching football in a bar;
Just sitting, drinking, laughing, eating, drinking…..and sleeping in the car.

Dear, Sweet Ladies, we don’t kid ourselves; we know you have us beat,
Hence why we hold the doors for you, and chairs each time you seat.
We love to do the chivalrous stuff - it makes us look the strongest,
You see, we have to make the most of things - you live the feckin longest.

Well, at last it’s time for me to stop - and give you chance to mingle,
And I'll make peace with my dear wife, before I'm Facebook status: single.
Now, gentlemen, I ask you all - please charge and raise your glasses,
And join me in a bumper toast: “To the beauty of the Lassies.”

Copyright © Dennis East

Details | Rhyme | |

Dont Mess With Crazy Women

Darlin I just cant keep a eye on you.
Everytime I stop to relax.
I find were threw.

You say leave but dont go far.
Untill you find yourself my dear.
I'll be down at the bar.

So many moods for such a little person indeed.
Forget me when your pissed.
And call me whenever your in need.

Your love is like a brick.
It really hurts when  thrown.
You left me a million messages.
Dear crazy women please leave 
me alone.

You dont know how to act normaly let 
alone when you drink.
My darlin you dont need anything  except for a 

And maybe a nice straight jacket with a muzzle 
After you stabbed me lastnight.
You really didnt  have to call me in the hospital 
and tell me were through.

They say love is sweet but this 
seems more like a lemon.
The moral of this story fellas
is dont mess with crazy women.

Copyright © John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo

Details | Lyric | |

A poem for YOU

In this world of Uncertainties I’m the man that you can trust And in my words of sincerity That my love would never last. And if you could only feel, what i feel for you You can ask me “why?” so you can see the truth Like our love that tightens the rope, Like a light that would give us hope. As you watch the dark skies Let me grab the moon for you, And as I catch the bright stars That’s the way you can see me through As this planet turns as it always will And things go wrong and you don’t know what to feel Hold my hand for it will make us strong Like a wind, we will carry on The wind blow that sings a hymn for you For they know what does love means for the two Love is blind, and not deaf So how’s success if you’re not ready to bet? In this poem with full of rhymes, A full of love, Babe can you be mine? I don’t expect too much from you Why should I? If you complete my whole. “Till death do us part” that’s what they have said But why do struggles crash them ahead? Don’t ask me when my love will last, To count all of our quarrels, is that a must? Now and Forever is all that I promise No day dreaming and without reminiscence As the matter of time, as the time passes by Together we stand, together you and I
A poem for my Girlfriend for our anniversary :) pls comment and rate... you are free to judge and criticize my work :) God Bless

Copyright © Emmanuel Fajutagana

Details | Rhyme | |

The Fat Girl

I may be fat but I can cook soul food to put you in a good mood I don't mean to be rude but you look like a string bean
You only know how to make sandwiches I can make steaks to take your breath away
you say I look like a steak but you can't even make a cake you need to drink more shakes
I need to eat more salads but at least I have a big wallet

I may be fat but I can dance your eyes are  glued to my thighs are you hypnotize yet
Do you want to take a chance and try to beat me in dancing you can't defeat me 
I can shake my hips and do flips I can drop it like its hot you can only pop that's not much 
Oh, now you want to challenge me but you can't balance on the dance floor 
The crowd wants to see me more you were just a bore 

I may be fat but I'm the one who looks pretty in this skirt you look silly like Big Bert
You say I don't look good in a bikini because I'm not tiny but at least I'm not  bony like you
You say I look like a buffalo but at least I don't have a problem finding a fellow
I don't mean to be a pest but you started this mess why don't you give it a rest
I'm fat but I'm telling you I'm the best you don't need to guess 

I may be fat but I'm good at writing poetry
You say that  you're good too but people are going to say boo to you
You say that isn't true and I need to pray because I won't win but I know I can 
You say that people wouldn't pay cash to see me but they will chase me I have a nice ass
you say your poetry  will get publish but that's only a wish I will you forgot to take your pills

Men want to be with me because I have meat on me you only have bones 
You say that I don't look like a model but men want to play with me and pay me to date 
I may be fat but I found a man who likes me like that but your man said you act like a brat
I'm getting married tomorrow don't feel sorrow 
You can laugh but at least I'm glad that I'm not sad or bad and I'm not a brat so take that

Copyright © Ileane Ogilvie

Details | Rhyme | |

Easy Pleasey

FOR MEN ONLY #2Contest

Yee Haaaa--- a Contest made for me
I'm a man and should write free
With no woman to tell me what
To bend my ear and bust my nut
To nag at me, noon and night
For me to get this poem right
To correct the words that I can't spell
In this grammatical living hell
"Change that word and it won't mean that
Don't say pussy when you mean cat"
But now this contest has set me free
So, I can write more liberally 
And pen this in my own rendition 
That's of course dear, with your permission 

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis

Details | Rhyme | |

Snake's Legs

When snakes had legs and love was free,
A man called Adam climbed a tree.
Although he knew the act was banned,
He plucked an apple with his hand.

In Eden you could always find,
Delicious fruits of every kind.
And everyone of them were free,
Except the apples on this tree.

A snake you see, the curse of man,
Had swayed the mind of his woman.
His partner Eve had tried it all,
Except this luscious juicy ball.

But God had made it very clear,
He was the one you had to fear.
There is one thing you should not do,
”This tree is mine, and not for you!”

When battle rages in man’s mind,
To do what’s right for all mankind.
A woman’s will, will then prevail,
No matter if it makes him fail.

So Adam plundered to his fate,
His woman said she could not wait.
He plucked the fruit to his demise,
No matter that it was unwise.

Now God’s authority was broke,
They’d disobeyed the words he spoke.
He told them both to go away,
And closed his garden from that day.

So Eve and Adam, duly clothed,
Now left that place they’d been betrothed.
And found a world so large and free,
Where they could climb just any tree.

The snake of course had lost it’s legs,
Because he put God’s power to test.
By tempting woman in this way,
He’d had an awful price to pay.

But God it was, who came off worse,
His power was gone, and even worse.
A ‘woman’ had defeated him,
By making man commit this sin.

So women now will rule the land,
Not God, or men you understand?
For women conquer all they see.
While God enjoys ‘snakes legs’ for tea!

Copyright © Ivor Davies

Details | Shape | |

Funny but True

minute, hour, 
day, week, month, 
year, decade, century ..
and women buying clothes 

Copyright © Bill Lindsay

Details | Rhyme | |

A 'LITTLE' Black Dress

Never wear a little black dress that looks in distress or to compressed
it should always impress and softly caress. 

If you wear a small but your a triple X and the length just fits under your derriere
you will surely start to unpack and start to attract.

Sitting is a challenge as you start to scoot down
you know your on a countdown and hoping for no breakdown.

At last you've hit touchdown as you take a deep breath
Only to hear a snap and pop as something starts to unlock from your famous squat.

Your self esteem has just dropped as you start to rock
from side to side you sway 'Do I sit or do I stay' as you start to pray.
                                                                                                                         With great poise and hoping for very little noise
You race for the door knowing you have to abort
taking the tablecloth with you as you deport.

1/25/15      T Reams             1st Place

Copyright © TAMMY REAMS

Details | Concrete | |

Shoes and Toes

I'm a bit confused when it comes to shoes and see a big toe that's been bruised
or the second toe is longer and trying to conquer the big toes space with an embrace

If you have this problem don't wear open toe shoes they do not amuse
but only gives us a clue you may need a canoe or a pair of tennis shoes

Why wear shoes that are four feet tall and look like a ski slope 
and you walk like your on a tightrope afraid you will fall and have to crawl

If you have a toe problem don't be embarrassed a little buckle on your shoe top
will get a cute chuckle and you won't have to wear boots in that nice pants suite

T Reams   2/11/2015

Copyright © TAMMY REAMS

Details | Narrative | |

Burger Joint

Lucy and Matilda were on the job at the burger joint.
Bad boy Buzz Muldoon rushed in brandishing a gun.
Matilda kicked the would-be robber square in his junk.
Lucy bashed his head in with a badass ball-peen hammer.
The two hard working ladies continued cleaning up the joint.
They chunked Muldoon in the dumpster with the rest of the trash.
Lucy and Matilda opened the establishment without missing a beat.
It was just another typical day right here in the big bad city.
To be successful entrepreneurs in this old turbulent world,
you have to grow a pair of big brass gnarly ones, be you male or female.

Copyright © Jerry Stevenson

Details | Free verse | |

- Men - Cars - Women -

  If you see
   a man opens
     the car door 
       for a woman ....
         He certainly has
           a brand new car ...
            or a very young
             and beautiful mistress
               His pride ...
                a conquest ... 
                  the gleaming varnish
                    reminds him of
                     sensual red woman lips
                      Excite shining
                       in his eyes - 
                        you will always
                          be his number two

A-L Andresen :))

Copyright © Anne Lise Andresen

Details | ABC | |


You send bolts through my skin 
something I was never to 
accomplish with you, when I 
saw you it's like my heart sank 
to my stomach and I was in 
shock my body still my body 
heavy felt like when I moved I 
was about to fall to my knees 
you make me want to get 
inside my brain pick you up and 
take you out pick you one by 
one like a flower because I do 
love you and love you not.

Copyright © brittney lopez

Details | Free verse | |

- Is It Fair -

           I have heard: Women burn fat almost 10% slower than men
           It's does not feel justified
           I have heard: Women live on average 3 years longer than men
           Women have a better durability date (used before: .. - ... - .....)
           Men: (must be used within: .. - .. - ....)
           Why is it only women who are thinking about calories and diets
           I bake delicious cakes .... that can only be eaten by my husband
           ..... I think I'll try one more piece :)

A-L  Andresen :)

Copyright © Anne Lise Andresen

Details | Rhyme | |

The Beauty Of Women

Women are a thing of beauty Created by God for man From their different hips,to their lushes lips Or the gentle touch of their hand They all have a way about them That I've noticed throughout the years They have tender hearts,and precious smiles With beautiful eyes that sparkle,when filled with tears But they constantly look at other women Though none will tell you that it's true From their styles of hair,to the clothes they ware It's a hidden secret that they all do Some will say that I'm wrong As they claim,"Hey that's not me" But I'm a man who has watched for many years And am now exposing the secret that I've seen Some of them are concerned about their weight Or possibly the droopiness of their breasts Or the stretch marks that may have appeared some where Along with menopause,PMS,and all the rest All I can say is we are men Who don't really notice most of those things You are all beautiful in your own special ways And you will always be a part of our dreams
DannyBoy:1-16-13 © Ha,ha.. :oP

Copyright © Dan Kearley

Details | Rhyme | |

The Beauty Of Women- Continued

Well it was another one of those days Where the devil had come about I was trying to write about the beauty of women And the words just came right out What I was trying to say was their all beautiful to me And most men that I know would be sure to agree But the words that I wrote that flew out so free May have started a hate for me that I shall soon see Now I'll spend my days all alone,and affraid to leave this house For a woman might sneak up and try to strangle me with her blouse I should have never wrote those words because I'm a spouse And now my wife probably thinks I'm nothin more than a louse But what I was trying to say was somethin most men will all agree You don't need to always compare yourselves for it's something we all see Your shoes,your clothes,your hair,your nails, it all just drives us so crazy You all have your own beautiful look so please accept it and just let it be I never meant to degrade you in anyway or to cause you any alarm But the hits those words received seems like I may be heading for some harm So I ask for your forgiveness and please don't send out your women of arms Because I told the men in my neighborhood,and their quite handy with their charms
DannyBoy 1-17-13

Copyright © Dan Kearley

Details | Rhyme | |

The Two Women In My Life Who Are Big, Beautiful Reds


Firehaired love of my life;
She's almost all Cab, with a dash of Shiraz spice.
A deep and complicated, earthy wife
Who's ruby sparkle in the looking glass
Lingers long upon my vision, soft and nice;
The All-of-Her bouquet, I cannot pass.


She may prefer to drink her Cabs,
But the red-maned lioness is pure Bourdeaux.
Her brightness fills a room, and quickly nabs
Away all weak indifference.
The complexity of her shines and glows;
The product of some special provenance.

                    These ladies make my life divine,
                    An enviable medly of song and wine.
                    They may well land on the "NO FLY" List,
                    For being such charming Terroirists.

Copyright © William Masonis

Details | Limerick | |

How to give a guy a premarital suitability exam

Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze

Copyright © Duke Beaufort

Details | Rhyme | |

Women dont you just love them

She placed her arms around,
And clasped her hands pressing her chest closer
Not uttering a sound

Her movements were poetry in motion
She was dedicated with a passion
Her gaze was a hypnotic potion

As she stood with her legs slightly astride
She put her all into it
Her femininity she did not hide

With my cup of tea, I admire her from afar
As she wrestles the Ikea flat pack from out of  the car  

Copyright © Sidney Hall Mad Poet

Details | ABC | |

The Three Floozies Mary, Flo and Burly (A known Feminist)

Come join the three for another cheap, meaningless day in their lives
They consider themselves to be hip, part of the same sex marriage, Burly the 
husband, Flo and Mary the wives
Their day always starts at the breakfast table bashing  the males that exist 
They wish the males could be on the endangered species list
Sometimes things change among the three, as the estrogen level rises in Burly
Once a month, she wants to be a wife and act very girly
As for Mary and Flo, they think Oprah is hot
Burly thinks Rosie O'Donnell has the goodies she so much has sought
They sip their Busch Beer out of Nascar Coozies
There is no more room for anymore women within the circle of The Three 
From their point of view, all men should be women's slaves
Burly  has a strong scent of Old Spice after shave
They love watching domineering women type movies
The popcorn is shared by all Three Floozies
They go out to only all girls clubs
They cheer on the under dogs, their favorite one is the Chicago Cubs
Their closets are full of clothes by Dickies
They leave each other love notes on little stickies
Mary likes champagne on a store brand  soda budget
Flo likes Butterbeans with cumin to make them smell pungent
Burly likes Pickled Eggs and sardines
Burly's favorite movie line is In space no one can hear you scream
Flo's favorite movie line is Go ahead, make my day
Mary's favorite movie line is My name is Chucky, do you wanna play?
Burly dreams of one day wrestlin' steers
Mary is concerned that Burly one day will leave, that's her worst fear
Flo watches the WWE, she is such a loyal fan
Burly uses her forehead to smash empty beer cans
None of you are mothers, so on your peanut butter selection, quit being choosy
Mary, Flo and Burly are today's Three Floozies

Copyright © Eugene Carmen

Details | Rhyme | |

Blind Sex

Some say my cousin got around
passing on his bloodline
young and wild with a strong esteem
no matter who it was

Shame his bloodline has family ties
one was his sister Jean
his Pop's found out, boy what a scene
now I know why he's blind

T Reams 3/26/2015        contest sponsored by: Nette Onclaud
                                     'Let Me Feel Your Lines    #6 bloodline

Copyright © TAMMY REAMS

Details | Free verse | |

The Barnacle on my bum part 2

My tale about the barnacle I bared upon my bum
has now passed into legend and folk law
The  battle I thought was over and now long done
Just when I thought I could sit down and relax
and lick my wounds
and heal my poor bum
I now have two barnacles
clinging on instead of one.

Their jealous of each other
and  like a porcupines
my bum is very sore
I'm stuck in the middle
and I don't think I can take any more!!!!!.
My telephone is melting
and they push love notes through my door
I'm divided down the middle
and I'm preparing for war.

I have no idea why they follow me around like flies
maybe it's my aftershave that smells so nice
There's nothing about me
I do declare
but everytime I turn around
there's always someone there.

Why couldn't it ever be
who I really like
I even tried to escape on my motorbike last night
I thought I was just saddle sore
but latter when I pulled my trousers down
what did I see
not two barnacles but three.

I darn't leave the house no more
and I've barricaded myself in
I'm now a nervous wreck 
and I've taken to drinking Gin
I've sealed the letter box and took the phone of the hook
and have been searching amazon for a useful book.

If your a poor sufferer too
have a hammer and chisel
we can help each other get through
just bare your bum like me
and maybe we could throw the barnacles back into the sea.

''Beware! their out there''.

Peter Dome. copyright.2014.march.

Copyright © Peter Dome

Details | Clerihew | |

Not, yet

I dreamt myself as poet-frog
And good Fancy` Fairy
Would stoop to pick my verse…
But she didn`t come.

Copyright © Ovidiu Bocsa

Details | Ballad | |

The Cyber Nymph

The Cyber Nymph
Loch David Crane
August 18, 1997

Lie back--expose your belly ring		
up unto the sky. . .
I just hope when I get down close
it won't put out my eye!

That summer I was 48 
and she pert 25;
I left Prozac in the cupboard 
and Reality went Live.

I shoulda taken time to stop
and used the vorpal rubber
But 48 he couldn't wait 
to find another lover.

So while the Sun was merciless
to sand and skin and sea
"If she swells I'm sure she'll tell,
returning then to me."

I must admit I got her drunk--
I used her just for sex:
Blue and blond with freckles,
suntanned buns and pecs.

But she revealed computer skills
That took away my breath.
Her dancing cyber fingers sang;
I soon saw who was best.

Ol' 48 could bare compute
"Not very fast" she said;
"I've practiced years not to be fast"
gasped I, collapsed in bed.

Then the Sun warmed up the honey--
it dripped twice more in a row.
Ulysses' "rosy-fingered dawn"
beheld her frown, dress, and go.

That freshly-flossed feeling
reverberates my spine
A smile wells up from deep inside
and stays there all the time.

At play I watched this cyber nymph
on Netscape and E-mail;
Her eyes flashed, fingers flying,
shaking golden ponytail.

"You're kinda slow," she grumbled,
terrifying 48;
"But I like that in a man," she grinned,
making me feel great.

My old 12 color monitor
was not enough for her;
More movies, GIFs, and videos
flew by me in a blur.

But 48 he had a trick:
while she stared at the screen
I spoke in her ear, nibbled her neck,
and adored her like a Queen.

I kissed and bit and licked and squirmed
'til wrists and spine went quiet--
The way a mouse's legs go still
when python's on his diet.

And then the honey dripped once more,
the Sun was past its rise.
I felt its rosy hug and knew
that love was in my eyes.

I asked her for her address,	
she wrote with @ in code;
I said "I'm too old fashioned"
and asked for her telephone.

So when you dream, sweet 25,
tall cyber nymph of mine,
remember please old 48
who isn't past his prime.

And as the honey of the Sun
drips down into the sea
I'll recall my Cyber Nymph
and she will undelete me.

Copyright © Loch David Crane

Details | Narrative | |

A Spanking Good Tale

A spanking good tale I read a blog -was it only yesterday I haven’t laughed so much, I can truly say About large women and I will not make fun That’s because I am turning into one But the blog that I read proved there is hope for all As long as we can make sausages, if I recall A massage or two with a pin rolling flat Is it to iron out wrinkles or reduce the fat? A spank a day or so I have heard Is what middle age men like, but girls think absurd A front bum, well that’s a new one on me I have enough in the rear to perhaps make up three But what gives me hope, apart from the front bum thing Is that some men out there seem to enjoy this sort of thing So send me you dreams followed by your numbers too I’ll put them aside for when I’m ready for you So thank you Chris for your blog yesterday You have given hope to all women and that’s all I can say
Inspired By Chris D Aechner's Blog 15/02/2012

Copyright © Mandy Tams The Golden Girl

Details | Carpe Diem | |


Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.

Copyright © Sam Ruby

Details | Rhyme | |

Listen To Me- Never Mind What I Say

 Get out of my space. 
 Don't walk away. 
 Listen to me. 
 Never mind what I say. 
 I need you close. 
 Leave me alone. 
 Get out of my life. 
 Please come home. 
 You can go now. 
 I miss you so much. 
 I feel smothered. 
 I crave your touch. 
 Don't ever leave me. 
 I've got to go. 
 Yes, my dear, 
 the answer is no. 
 Get out of my space. 
 Don't walk away. 
 Listen to me. 
 Never mind what I say.

Copyright © Juliet Ligon

Details | Rhyme | |

Golfing Diva

Crookhill ladies  take the tee
On their very first “girly” golfing spree
To High Street stores they wave goodbye
Preferring sun-baked Spanish skies ,
Aperitifs in long, cool glasses
Served by waiters with tiny asses
No tears were shed, all eyes were dry
As they boarded EASY JET 109
On route for the infamous, Alicante
Where  golfing  convention rules out “hankey-pankey”
Aperitifs in long, cool glasses
Served by waiters with black silky ‘tashes
Pretty conservative as you’d expect
These would be,  competition golfettes
All that is, except for Sheila
A real little animated golfing diva
She’ll sip the aperitifs in long cool glasses
More likely to kick than kiss their assets
All thoughts of home are driven away
Anticipating the games they’d play
Of practice, putts  and competition
With dreams of victory a firm conviction
They sip the aperitifs in long cool glasses
While thoughts may turn to the young Señors' assets
Balmy nights they came and went
Their passion for golf now almost spent
Except for our Sheila - golfing diva
Lifting the trophy, a mega achievement
Sips champagne till way past dawn
Her entourage, she can’t recall
Coincidence?, I really can’t say
But those Spanish Señors look content today


Details | Triolet | |



They can be such a pain in the arse

Never listen unless it suits

Living with them is such a farce

They can be such a pain in the arse

Intelligence is rather sparse

Never listen unless it suits

They can be such a pain in the arse

Never listen unless it suits

If only the good Lord Had been an engineer

What bliss to be a fellow

They would have switches by their ear

If only the good Lord had been an engineer

Speech On or Off and fertile On or Off. That's clear

What bliss to be a fellow

If only the good Lord had been an engineer

What bliss to be a fellow

Copyright © Brian Terry

Details | Free verse | |

we can't date if

I see you standing at the bar and I like you
Such a sexy body I could one night you
But it takes a lot more than looks for me to wife you
But we can’t date if the number of men you’ve slept with is higher than your IQ

I don’t mind if we speak every night
Don’t mind telling you how I feel deep inside
As long as you let me keep my pride
But we can’t date if you’re uploading half-naked pics for retweets and likes

Give me your all and you will get it back
You will get it returned with interest
Have no issue with treating you like a princess
But we can’t date if you can’t accept my past

Girl I don’t mind you being a diva
But we can’t date if you disturb me when I play FIFA
We can’t date if you use a knife and fork to eat pizza
Most importantly we can’t date if you try & make me listen to Justin Bieber

Why make me choose? I like feisty brunettes and tall blondes
I’ll pick you up where you fall from
And be there when you need someone to call on
But we can’t date if you talk when the football’s on 

Copyright © Alex Duffy

Details | Limerick | |

Misplaced Concern

I become quite vain when around pretty girls.
And a whole flock of them makes my head whirl.
Attempting sensitivity,
I asked one, "Do you have a disease?"
She said, "I was fine a moment ago, but NOW I wanna hurl!"

NOTE: This was based off a true story (though I exaggerated it slightly, for the sake of having it rhyme and fit with the limerick). I came into work one day and noticed one of my co-workers didn't look so hot. I was concerned and said, "Are you feeling alright today? Did you sleep well?". She just looked at me and said, "I'm quite fine, Timmy. I've actually had a full nine hours sleep... I just didn't take the time to put my make-up on this morning". Needless to say I never quite heard the end of it...

Copyright © Timothy Hicks