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Sea Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Sea

These Sea Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Sea. These are the best examples of Sea Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Rhyme | |

The Pirates Life

    He stands upon the salty,slippery deck,
Yelling yaargh matey ,
with a halfhearted pirate drawl.
He's not to impressed with himself,
not an eyepatch or wooden leg,
not even a hooked claw.
The parrot on his shoulder,
is a wannabee,
a sparrow that fell from the Crowsnest, 
from high up above.
It has no quips ,or spikes,
or pirate quotes,
just nesting on his shoulder 
with birdly kind of love.
Aye captain the crew responds,
snapping to their chores.
Tend the wheel ,lash the mainsail,
take the soundings
 less we hit a reef.
The sea going life is not for every man,
walking the plank,storms and rickets.
Crabs in your knickers ,
really give you grief.
Aah but when the wind fills the sails to bursting,
yards of canvas strain to be free.
And the ropes play ,sea going music
of a tension melody.
A song that captures
every young buccaneers heart ,
and soul and fancy.
For the music of the wanderers life,
an endless expanse of blue,
bravehearts and fearless men find,
quite a bit too chancy.
Black Beard,Yellow Beard,
the famous Captain Blood,
were all fearless pirates of their day.
He truly knows that he can be,
a great one too.
If he could ever find that bleeping map,
and escape this landlocked bay.


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Pirates Prayer of Thanks

I come to you with humble thanks for all that you’ve delivered, For Englishmen to walk the planks and for timbers left unshivered. I thank you for a glassy sea and the steady blowing breeze, For giving all these things to me without making me say please. And I thank you for the horizon where sea and sky do meet, For every new sun that I watch risin’ is a day of fate I’ll cheat. It is my hope dear loving Lord that I can bring you pleasure, By throwing someone overboard and stealing all their treasure. And when I navigate at night you send the northern star, I feel then that I’m alright and it’s to you that I’ll say ARRR. There’s a lesson that some people teach about the carrying that you do, But I knew that the footprints on the beach must have belonged to you. ‘Cause I got a peg and there’s no doubt it would’ve got stuck into the sand. I couldn’t have pulled myself back out because I got this hook for one hand. I’d like to see you but by some quirk my good eye got covered by my patch, I know that I’m just salvage work and it’s you who’ll batten down my hatch. So Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum and raise the Jolly Roger to the sky, And praise Him from whom blessings come the one who reigns on high. For I am grateful for the gifts that you have granted me, A pirate ship that is so swift and the blue green open sea.


Details | Epulaeryu | |

Succulently Sweet Pumpkin Pie (Epulaeryu)

“The finest poetry
     is the most feigning.”
           —William Shakespeare


Smelling scent soothe my soul
Sits in sleek oven
Simmering Jack-O-Lantern
Smile so nicely
Saliva pours for
Sweet pumpkin
Pie!

~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~
© Joseph, November 2, 2008
© All Rights Reserved
~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~

Semi finalist contestant
292 out of 887 submissions
June 1, 2009 International Contest

~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~

Joseph S. Spence, Sr., is the author of "The Awakened One Poetics" (2009), which is 
published in seven different languages. He invented the Epulaeryu poetry form, which 
focuses on succulent cuisines and drinks. He is published in various forums, including the 
World Haiku Association; Poetinis Druskininku, Milwaukee Area College, Phoenix Magazine; 
Möbius Poetry, and Taj Mahal Review to name a few. Joseph is a Goodwill Ambassador for 
the state of Arkansas, USA, a college faculty, and a military veteran.

~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~


Details | Rhyme | |

Give A Man A Sea-Kitten

Give a man a sea-kitten,
And you feed him for a day.
Teach a man how to sea-kitten,
And PETA will make him pay.

I guess there isn’t much to say,
We’re gonna eat them either way,
Because the message here being conveyed
Does not have to do with fish per se.

Instead we feel the need to build
A foundation where we can rest our guilt.
Or where we can sway, or push, or tilt
The basis of sanity. And watch it wilt.

Humans are actually land-dodos.
A tree is also a green-giraffe.
But no name we will ever sow
Will ever cease to make me laugh.

I mean, how bored do you have to be
In a world with war and disease uprising
To stop what you’re doing and decide: “Here see,
Fish are in trouble. Start compromising.”?

Man is the measure of these extents.
The apex of idiocy slips his mind,
And thus he chooses to invent
Another means to thwart mankind.

We’re defending the rights of things we need.
Things we need for survival, like skin.
And in our greed we fail to read
The paradox lying herein and within.
Among all the things that humans bleed for,
Nothing more imbecilic has ever been,
Than renaming the fish of which we feed
Into something like sea-kitten.

“And then Jesus blessed the sea-kittens,
He broke the bread and divided it amongst 5000 people.”


Details | Rhyme | |

Pirates Cove

Water wives live sheltered lives
Amongst the coves where pirates rove

Daily catch is makers match
Where red hot stoves hide fresh baked loaves

Water men are thick and thin
So often strove where shipmates hove

Water child is often wild
The treasure trove where pirates roved

19Mar14


Details | Free verse | |

. F.T.W.(oil)

.       F.T.W.
F.ree  T.he  W.aves
f.REE  t.HE  w.AVES

F.ree T.he W.aves!!!
Is what they say,,
Got my self some true tales
About the world today.
Oil job site fails.
Poor Sea World has to pay.
I found many black sea shells
Oil got in their way.
I wanna claw my nails.
On B.P.for turning our sand to clay
I can sit and give details
How they ruin our ocean bay
Instead I'm sending mean E-MAIL's
Expressing anger for their oily display.
How their stupidities drop our sales.
I hope they choke while eating a sea buffet
I hope someone feeds them sting-ray tails
As they drink coffee at there sea side cafe.
Everything sooner or later prevails
And ocean life will once again find a way.

God send them rain hit them with heavy hail
It's to late for B.P.to pray..
2 months of a  black grave trail
((LOL)), B.P.you angered the US.A.
Getting off easy with no jail
That does not make things okay.
I will not wish you all to go to hell
After making the ocean a bigger body of dead prey
Your clean up time is slower than a sea snail
Many uncalled dead seagulls are found in your oily decay
Funny how the president takes the heat of your bail.
You screwed our blue ocean water to a stream of black and grey.

An oil site ran by a higher percent of males
Oh well what can you expect and say.
With the world in the way of oil spills.
Is like B.P.oil's is saying F.T.W.anyway.
While we the protesters say, F.ree T.he W.hales!!!
F.T.W.=free the whales!!!!!

=(contest)=


Details | Limerick | |

PASTA, PASTA, EVERYWHERE

Oh, vermicelli, rigatoni!
Lost on a sea of minestrone. 
The sea beneath my feet,
And nothing else to eat,                     
I live on cheese and macaroni.


Details | Burlesque | |

The Pirates Of Sean Penn's Aunts

Penn's Aunts, patch-eyed women
Cutlass carried, pistol too
You mess with Sean,
They mess with you
Give his movie a bad review,
You'll walk the plank,
That's what they'll do.


Details | Haiku | |

Sunet Strip

<                                  well isn't that swell
                                lost another cool surfboard ...
                                      holy sharks galore



                                        beyond horizon
                                 the sun bids day well ado ...
                                       happy trails to you



                                       top of old smokey
                                  cumulus congestive skies ...
                                    coughing up a storm



                                        excursion riding
                                  using buoyant enforcement ...
                                      to capture the sun



                                       yacht and small vessel
                                  endlessly floats rippled lake ...
                                       feeling abandoned                                   
                                                            


Details | Limerick | |

A Whale of a Tale

When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.

Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.

Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!”  they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”

Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.

As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!

Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!

Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.

Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!


Details | Free verse | |

Fun in the Sun

Flesh on show and sun tan lotion
bodies laid on towels or sun lounges 
By the ocean
Salty air wind blown hair
Music streaming from the near by fair
Baby screaming nappies full
Cool guys looking for babes on the pull
Sun shades and floppy hats
Grown men playing cricket with ball and bats 
Sand castles and buckets and spades
Candy floss and lemonade
Father With binoculars pretending to look out to sea
Or read a newspaper but really looking at the bathing beauties
Bikinis and manknies G strings tight where the sun don't shine
Hot dogs and hamburgers the popping of corks from bottles of wine
Hairy legs and wrinkled skin
child almost drowning couldn't swim
Muscle bound Life guards with muscles to impress
Granma lost her false teeth
Dropped between her breasts
Ice creams and summer dreams
Young child peeing in the sea
Among the swimmers splashing about with glee
People playing beach ball and football
Mother calls come on all it's time for tea
Large Busty woman running like jelly on a plate
Wobble wobble
And nearly starting an earthquake
Sand between your toes
Sun burn on your nose
Sweaty arm pits sweaty bums
Toffee apples and bleeding gums
Sea gulls flying screeching high above
Clear blue sky pure white dove
Watching the frothy waves stretch upon the shore
Watching the horizon and tiny boats 10 miles away or more
Dogs running here and there
Sweets being passed around to share
Crabs and shrimps and other critters in a rocky pool
Children with fishing nets and jars to take them back to school
Para gliders pulled by speed boats high in the sky
Oh why do people want to risk life
As they could die
Postcards to write people on there bikes
The smell of fish and chips
Children with jam around their lips
Couples walking hand in hand barefoot on warm sand
Treasured memories and photo's to cherish
Suitcases packed feeling unwound and relaxed
Can't wait until next year when they come back.


Peter Dome.copyright.2013. July.


Details | Free verse | |

Thunderstruck Sunshine

The clouds shook
A thick, black, very wet blanket out
In the Southeastern quadrant 
Of the New Mexico firmament,
Complete with lightning
And growling, crackling,
Massive basso-profundo sound effects,
Inviting the sun to rest,
Take a load off, 
Reeellaaaxxx! 

Abrasively radiant,
Helios glared a brilliant, heated, passionate,
Steamy smile
Into the arid monsoon skies

And refused Storm’s invitation
To lie down and go to bed


Details | Free verse | |

Ship Ahoy Divorce Style

<                                              Haiku

                                          sea's tranquility
                                   bestows harmonic balance
                                      amidst  tides rising



                                               Limerick



                          aye ye matey walking its own plank
                          let not ye other take thee to bank
                                raise thy anchors set sail
                              give heeve hoe to those failed
                         find ye other sailor's who's yet sank  




                                              Couplet



                    shivery timbers captain bow is about to break
                    toss overboard it's ye baggage holding thee dam weight 




Entry For
{Destroyer { Poet's
Divorce Club
Haiku /Limerick/Couplet Contest
G.L. All


Details | Rhyme | |

A 3 HOUR TOUR--Right here on Gilligan's Island---


Our love is like Gilligan's Island
but what we have is so much more
And to all the girls that I've loved before
they are but Brady Bunches on three hour tours

Cheers to the ladies on that Island 
but you're my "Mary-Ann" and my "Movie Star"
come take my hand-in-hand, with candy tan 
you're the best of both worlds,  but much better by far


I have "Profess"ed to be your "Skipper"
tho' I'm "Thurston" for you like I do Mrs. Howell,
when you "Lovey" dove me with coconuts,
I can't help but go nuts, NOW GET ME A TOWEL!~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CLASSIC TELEVISION SHOW= Gilligan's Island
NAME= JSLambert
*Note: this Rhyme was written as a love letter-ish type of thang:) I hope ya' don't mind the weirdness of it all~:)JSL


Details | Rhyme | |

Fearing and Floating

It was so large
The New York Barge

If you wish to see
The Statue of Liberty

You board the boat
And away you float

My ornery friend
(Lifelong-till the end)

Refused to board the barge
It was packed and looked large

So I took a bandana
Blindfolded Marianna

Led my ornery pal
To the mid-ship locale

She protested ardently
I reassured her cheerfully

Made it to the island
But I had to hold her hand

As we climbed to the top
Oh my, what a drop

This was the only way
Her fears I could allay

Marianna felt proud
She’d made it through the crowd

But to this very day
She scowls at me in play

Whenever I mention
Our New York vacation

Her fear of the sea
Seems now gone, you see

But I’ll hold off on buying a cruise
Because my dear friend I would lose

To this day she’s ornery
But she’ll never be ordinary



*Entry for Carol Browns Ornery Best Friends contest.  True story.


Details | Rhyme | |

2 Peas or not 2 P's . that is the question ?

I saw a family of killer whales
In the Irish Sea 
South-East of Wales .
With radar fins and splashing tails 
   Giant masters of the sea .

Free Willie's dream was Hollywood
He made a splash
And that was good
But then again , we knew he could
   But , no Oscar-winner , he .

The family group , all had names 
There was Jonah , Jerry
Jess and James
Zoe , Chloe and Sue were dames
   And Bono swam like God .

Bertha and Babs with flashing eyes
Jack and Jill could synchronize
With Pete and Paul , we could sympathize
   The only " 2 P's in the Pod " ..


Details | Limerick | |

Jack's Pact

Jack's Pact


There once was a pirate named Jack,
Who struck with the devil a pact.
But when his accord
He could not afford
The devil took Jack and his pack!

The moral of Jack and his pack
Is clear: Give the devil No pact!
If you can't afford 
To strike an accord
Hold fast what you have--not your lack!

deborah burch©
05/08/2012


Details | Couplet | |

A Not So Quiet Calamity IV

The sirens and mermaids
called up from the deep,
untangled mesh nets
blithely held out by sleep.
There the first to emerge
were the sighs and the nods,
they sank then resurfaced
in clear Morphean pods.

I found myself wandering
on a wide stretch of beach.
My mind squeezed like a lemon,
my thoughts fuzzed like a peach.
When the sheet of fog lifted, 
I walked through the haze,
what’d been transfixed by the night
now transformed into day.

Bands of green kelp
had encircled my feet.
Sand dollars tossed out
from the wallets of seas.
The tang in the air
by the water and brine,
awoke to my senses
other days hazed by time.

Sunk then in a sinkhole;
my heart now clanged a bell!
I was no longer an oyster
in a barnacled shell.
I kicked off the seaweed,
splashed through the shoreline,
feeling refreshingly freed
from that soul ravaged time.

I knew I’d still wonder
about Calamity Clam.
Had he hid from the onslaught,
become a sea star’s sea ham?
Ouf…no longer my problem,
I was no agent by rights.
Then I stepped on an object 
and, out went the lights!

I hopped in frustration
with great hurt I did bow.
I bellowed out pain
like an angry sea cow.
With one mighty scoop
he was constained in my hand.
How to dispose of the despicable?
I felt seared by a brand.

Covertly I gazed
at this nemesis of fear.
Then I gave a smart tug
to his mossy green beard.
The thoughts that I harbored
were not of my decree.
I hurled him out, with three skips,
he sank back into the sea.



Details | Limerick | |

Yarns of a Seafaress

Hemingway’s famous “Old Man and the Sea”
Simply couldn’t hold a candle to me
     I caught Ahab’s great white whale
     Did some surfing on his tail
Made him jump through hoops ‘fore I set him free

In Scotland I gave Nessie a big scare
As with my huge net, the beast I did snare
     I held on as Nessie tugged
     Then set her free as I shrugged
To tell the truth, Nessie hadn’t a prayer

And now I’ve set my sights on the Kraken
Oh yes, I’m more than a fishing bumpkin
     And so for Norway I sail
     To prove women aren’t frail
This giant squid is simply a munchkin
 .


Written for Susan’s “Ridiculous Self-Exaggerations” contest
*Last line is the metaphor


Details | Ballad | |

THE WISHING WELL OF A SUN-RISE,

It is...within the tiny things of early morning, that moment breaths alive, it is within the tiny whisperings, that a melodye plays...like the very dear and the antelope, play home on the range.

so goes the melodye of heart beat, that plays quietly the songs of soul,

here a rhyme is born of day-light coming so soon, through the early morning eyes of the moon-light, and the starry dreams of twilight's transitioning...

into the light of a love letter written to dawn.

soul to soul conversing, as in this love letter, the letters just join hands with the words and just march across the sky...and at the end of the rainbow, there be plenty of golden time,

way down deep on the inside,

...as the inspired choir, of a bumble bee, or a butterfly, starts to sing, like tiny things that live,

flower to flower,
blossom to bloom,

watered and deeply cared for...

O' Eden.

I say, deep beneath the surface of a wishing well...where the pennies lay,

I wish a sun-rise.








Details | Footle | |

Fishy Footles

A RACE TO DE-BONE FISH:
Filet
Relay

A CONVENT FOR SHELL FISH:
Oyster
Cloister

A MEMBER OF THE UNDER SEA MAFIA:
Mobster
Lobster

A PROMISCUOUS SHRIMP:
Trampy
Scampi

A MUSICAL RED SNAPPER:
Snapper
Rapper

A COMPASSIONATE FISH:
Caring
Herring

A LAW ENFORCEMENT FISH:
Grouper
Trouper

2/2/13
For Yasmin's Footle Fun Contest








Details | Senryu | |

I Don't Give A Hoot

<                             beneath swollen moon
                               silhouttes conjoinment dance
                               hooting escalates  







Entry For
Sensuous Senryus


Details | Rhyme | |

Typically Luke Poem 7 - A SEA VOYAGE

Luke got a letter from school A sea voyage they had planned Luke was really excited As you may well understand On the day everyone had a wonderful time But someone was staying below deck Feeling really ill, should have taken a pill And was looking like a wreck Yes while others were enjoying the sites Luke was nowhere to be seen Still down below and wouldn't you know Turning a strange shade of green It should have been something to treasure But this was a school trip to hell I don't think in future he'll bother with trips Because I'm afraid Luke don't travel too well.


Details | Epigram | |

Bon Voyage.

We christen thee Titanic
unsinkable, gigantic.
but lack of options cost her.
First one: a good defroster.


Details | Couplet | |

MY BEST BAD CHOICE poetry contest ADULTERY

        MY BEST BAD CHOICE

Was a time --not long ago
When you begged me sweet and low

“Cast your net upon the sea
Quickly,darling, marry me!”

My heart caught 
and in a minute
My life was soup
And I was in it

A fair eyed man means dangerous shores
& I'm adrift-- mid rocks galore

On a current, flashing fins
You cast your line--
And hook sweet sins

And, at work you cannot think
When fishy eyes blink out a wink

Even friends are not off limits
When tides wash in the vodka gimlets

Do I hate you, yes, I could
Do I hate you, no, I should

A straying man on marriage seas
Navigates adulteries

When asked to re-chart his course
He usually stomps and screams “divorce”

MORAL 1:

Mixing metaphors and such
Keeps the critics out of ruts

MORAL 2:

Straying husbands/shagging rabbits
Cannot/willnot change their habits.




Victoria Anderson-Throop
Oct 10, 2012