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Religion Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Religion

These Religion Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Religion. These are the best examples of Religion Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Haiku |

Facedown

.






                                                facedown on the floor
                                                the broken porcelain's moon —
                                                for Shinto's sake






Sponsor: Joe Maverick
Contest Name: Haiku challenge.


Details | Limerick |

The Hereafter

He asked his flock if they believed in the Hereafter

     Amen, pastor, they said amid much joy and laughter!

          Hereafter, when the plate is passed

               I expect it to be filled up fast

                    For some reason chapel attendance plunged thereafter

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme |

Sign Of The End Of Time

I saw a feller today with a sign readin', 'WORLD ENDS TOMORROW!"
Lord! Have mercy! That's all I need - more troubles to borrow!
I called the preacher who knows all about celestial things,
But he had no such revelation (usually borne by angelic wings)!

But I'm a cautious feller who likes to plan things well in advance,
So ere my eternal bourne begins, I'd rather not take a chance!
With so few hours left I'll tie up some loose odds and ends,
And for my many past indiscretions, I'll try to make amends!

In my youth I smoked corn silk cigarettes behind the barn.
Many vile oaths have crossed my tongue beyond a casual 'darn'!
I sassed my Ma and more than once her sage advice ignored.
Do You reckon You could overlook my feckless youth, dear Lord?

I reckon 'tis a little late to see things finished that I've begun.
Life is so very fleet I fear I've left too many things undone.
But thanks to that feller's warnin' I'm ready to face my fate.
But, Lord, could the whole thing be postponed if it ain't too late?

This ominous event will settle my dilemma regarding predestination
But hold on!  From whence did that feller get his revelation?
Shucks!  I bet he's one of them false prophets the Bible talks about!
Fiddle faddle!  Tomorrow I'm gonna go fishin' to cast about for trout!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Dramatic monologue |

I AM A SYCOPHANT

I AM A SYCOPHANT
I love eye-service
A great deal of sycophancy
I am big on people-pleasing
I do eye-service 
To Him whose eyes are ever on me

I love to make Him feel good about me
So I flatter Him with praises 
I honor Him with dances
I sing of His past deeds as if they happen yesterday
I thank Him for what He has not done as if it is already done

I never miss opportunity to impress HIM
I am always all over Him standing, kneeling 
Atimes, I roll all over Him on the ground
Many times I jump up on him like squirrel 
I often weep because of Him for no sad reasons

I never miss opportunity to boast about Him
In my sycophantic eyes, He is above reproach
I can never complain about Him
Because I am his biggest fan; He can do no wrong 
All His ways and words are eternally right in my sycophantic eyes

Because I am His pleaser
I dote over all His published works and theses
I am a collector of everything ever written or said about Him 
I make Him the theme of my songs and poems
His friends are my friends and His enemies, my enemies

I never miss opportunity to show Him off
I drop His name to flaunt my connection with Him
I place Him higher than my loved ones
His ways, I walk, His words, I utter, His kind of life I live
In my sycophantic way, I write Him this poem

He is my God…in whom I live and have my being


Details | Free verse |

The Egg Eaters Hallow

HE WEARS A COAT OF ASH
ALWAYS TALKING 
TALKING FAST 
LIKE A SNAKE THROUGH THE GRASS
HE SLITHERS AND CRAWLS 
HE SLITEHRS AND CRAWLS
BUROWS THROUGH THE WALLS
WHATS YOUR NAME  
LETS PLAY A GAME 
I’M INSIDE I’M INSIDE
TRY TO HIDE
I WILL SEEK 
GO AND CRY 
GO AND SHRIEK 
I’M INSIDE 
TRY TO HIDE 
NO SECRETS YOU CAN KEEP 
WHERE DO I FIND THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
HE WANDERS THROUGH THE SHELL 
TO FIND IT AND TAKE IT 
TO SOME FAR OFF HELL 
HIS TONGUE IS QUICK 
HIS MIND FULL OF WIT
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
AND HIS MIND IS KEEN 
SEARCHING FOR WEAKNESS 
SEARHING FOR SECRETS 
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE 
HOW MANY OF YOU COMPARE 
WHATS YOUR NAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
I WILL BREAK YOU 
I WILL TAKE YOU 
FINDING FLAWS
OLD WOUNDS RAW 
DIGGING DEEP 
DIGGING DEEP 
HE FINDS IT IN THE KEEP  
HELLO LITTLE ONE 
HAVING FUN 
I HAVE NO NAME 
I PLAY NO GAMES 
ALL I HAVE ARE FANGS
AND YOU ARE HERE 
TO HATCH DISPARE 
I’V COME TO MAKE YOU DISAPEAR 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN  
WE WILL BE COMPRESSED 
FORMING MESH 
MERGING INTO ONE 
LIKE ALL THE OTHERS 
YOU ARE DONE 
NEVER SPAWNED 
TO FIGHT THE DAWN 
I VE COME TO MERGE WITH  YOUR SOUL 
TAKE CONTROL 
YOU WILL BE 
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME 
ALL YOUR NEGATIVITY 
WILL SUBMERESE
WILL DISPERSE
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME
ALL YOU EGGS 
KEEP ME FED
KEEP ME GROWING 
SECRETS SHOWING 
KILLING DEMONS 
BEFORE THEY’RE BRED 
KILLING DEMONS 
TO KEEP ME FED 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF MESH 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF UNBORN FLESH 
WINING THE WAR 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 


Details | Rhyme |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, a Sister for sixty years, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 


Details | Haiku |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Limerick |

The gun and god combo

"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill 
And need to own more than just one

A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack


Details | Clerihew |

David And Goliath

Titan Goliath challenged young David to a floggin'

     But David with his slingshot beaned him on the noggin!

          Dave viewed the carcass and was heard to say, "Nothin' to it!"

                His envious brethren said, "Yeah!  'Twas just a lucky hit!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Rhyme |

Hard To Be An Eagle

THE BIRDS ARE QUITE A SIGHT TO SEE IT TELLS YOU MANY THINGS
OF HOW THE WEATHERS COMING AND WHAT THE SEASON BRINGS
BUT THE BIRD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS HIGH ABOVE THE REST
AND  IT'S HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST

AN EAGLE IS A MAGNIFICENT BIRD WITH A VERY LARGE WINGSPAN
AND WITH HIS SHARPENED EYESIGHT HE SEE'S MILES ACROSS THE LAND
HE REPRESENTS OUR FREEDOM AS HE SOARS ABOVE THE REST
AND IT'S HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST

THE TURKEY IS A DUMB BIRD THAT WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND
THEN RUN AWAY SO QUICKLY AT EVERY NOISEY SOUND
THEY PECK AWAY AT BRIGHT THINGS AND AT EACH OTHER TOO
THEY NEVER KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO OR WHAT THEY WANT TO DO

THEY ARE HAPPY WITH JUST BEING HUDDLED WITH THE REST
IT SO HARD TO BE AN EAGLE WHEN YOUR IN A TURKEY'S NEST
BUT I KNOW THAT GOD HAS CALLED ME AND HE'S PUT ME TO THE TEST
AND IT'S HARD TO BE A TURKEY WHEN YOUR IN AN EAGLES NEST.


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