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Funny Lost Poems | Funny Poems About Lost

These Funny Lost poems are examples of Funny poems about Lost. These are the best examples of Funny Lost poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Personification | |

A Magic Adventure Of Peter The Pan--part II

Inside the Dishwasher everyone rushed!
Clinks, clanks, rattles, 'Ouches' and ' Ohs'!
"Would you pa--lease, settle down!" said Deb--They hushed.
"Now we can hear...let's just see how this goes."

Curious, Peter, looked out through a chinc,
And watched Vie and Chris-- approaching by twos.
They opened the door--and who do you think--
Standing there wearing her fine Jimmy Choos,
Ms Lost Sonnet!--spoke not a word--but winked.

Wilma Wine-Corkscrew, dressed in purple hues
Gave the 'all clear', and Peter spread the news.

"We're having a party Ms Sonnet, please,
Won't you join us? It's a magic party
For Peter", said Ruben Rotisserie.
Bob Blender poured her a drink--quite hardy.

Connie Candellabra was flaming bright
As Ms Sonnet swept past to the soft couch.
Carolyn Cookie Jar screamed with such fright,
"Quick! She's on fire!" Then Lost cried, "Ouch!"

"I'll save her", said Catie Collander. "Here!"
But the water leaked through her like a sieve.
Susan Spatula yelled, "Have no fear, dear!"
Yet, the fire held on and would not give--

Others tried, but could not stop the fire.
Then Peter said, "I wuw twy! I can do it!
With 'Awwy, I can fwy! Way up highya!
Togethwa, we can save Ms Wost Sonnet!

Awwy is my fwend. He tawks funny, too!
He's aw the way fwom Engwand and he is
My Supwa Cape! So I can fwy! It's twue!
No H's wive theaw--his name is wike this:
'Awwy--not Hawwy." So now, they all knew.

"Did I 'ear some bloke colling my name?"
"Yes! 'Awwy, me! We've Ms Sonnet to save!"
Harry Handtowel--AKA, Super Cape--fame
Was now on the neck of Peter the Brave!

With no hesitation quickly they flew,
Smothered the fire and saved just one shoe.
Brittle and weak, Lost needed more than glue...
"She needs magic! Oh! Paweeze! What can we do?"

"Peter...we only made enough for you".
Said Carol Crock-pot. They all cried, "Boo Hoo..."
"Then give huw my magic! That's what you do!"
So quickly they sprinkled the magic brew.
Ms Sonnet was greatful--then said, "Adieu".

"Peter, you've done well," said Anne Assam Tea,
"Let's all have a cup'a tea and you'll see...
"'Magic's believing in yourself, --frankly,
Do that--and you can do--anything!"

~©deborah burch
5/23/2012

*Special appearance by "Lost Sonnet", courtesey of David Williams...with much gratitude, thank you all for appearing ;)...Peter has many adventures to come...big hugs, love you all, cap'n deb


Details | Rhyme | |

THE VANISHING ORGAN

Sam Ebenezer
a sad ol' geezer
was lamenting his shrinkage of late:
my worthless ding-a-ling
is a bell without ring
my manhood in diminishing state
 
From whence I salute
is thin as a flute
and soft to the touch as cashmere
I search with persistence
it offers resistance
on nature's call to appear
 
On heeding that call
no waterfall
a few errant droplets at best
where once from the middle
I gushed, now I piddle
and half of my load veers west
 
Both feet on the urn
pushing forth from astern
I chant 'emerge hocus-pocus'
with my punctured esteem
watch the pitiful stream
dwindle to drops as Limp loses focus
 
Our wee-membered friend
wished his size to amend
the stiffness rerouted from his joints
have it rise to occasion
and stand to attention
consulted ol' Doc for his viewpoint:

My snake is dead
no flesh;  just head
lies comatose and useless 
my garden hose
once warmed my toes
now wrinkled, dry and juiceless 

The senile old doctor
by name Alfred Proctor
had most of his wit in absentia
his breath smelt cheesy
Ebenezer felt queasy
Doc clearly suffered from senile dementia
 
Doc's hand took a dip
to just 'neath his ribs 
as Ebenezer voiced his concern
Doc smiled all the while
said:  your hopes are futile
there's no cure for your vanishing organ
 
I lost my virility
before my senility
long mourned my lost pride-and-joy
put my plight to rest
on realizing I'm blessed
to have in hand my own built-in toy

**************************************



Details | Rhyme | |

The Last Word

I just got home
barely opened the door,
Took three steps
maybe two more.
I heard a voice
a voice of dread,
" When the log rolls over,
we'll all be dead."
Somewhat spooked
i looked all around,
not a person in sight
no where to be found.
Then i heard it again
that voice of dread.
" When the log rolls over,
we'll all be dead."
My senses all heightened
I picked up the tune,
it was off to my left
in my restroom.
I heard it again
but this time a cry,
"When the log rolls over,
we're all gonna die!"
I looked at the toilet
I was about to freak,
but I lifted the lid
I just had to peak.
I was lost for thought
even lost for word,
there in my toilet 
three flies on a turd.
One screamed so loud
I could hear him squeak,
"Close the lid
you stuppid geek!"
I laughed for a second
while scratching my head,
then I flushed the log
now they're all dead.
The Last Word......


Details | Narrative | |

And The Road Begins?

Mornings are dreadful time in life unless waking beside gorgeous woman hopefully 
a not married one  husbans can be such a downer.
And when ya wake to a warm beautiful creature by your side.
And the first thought that comes to your mind is i wonder whats for breakfest.

Then ya probaly cant read the menu to start with and desserve 
to have a oversized weight lifter re arrange your ribs.

Im a southern man once means several things  non of which means im normal.
And this morning finds my yerning for a trip and widespread  mischief.
My amigo had vanished after are trip south of the boarder I remember saying 
to myself as i watched him  running naked across the dessert  being chased 
by the flying monkeys  he was surley seeing after his consumption of a foreign substance 

There goes a fine american.

I would have ran after him  but  but i didnt want thoose things to turn there attention to me 
I herd they had a thing for southern  actscents.
And theres nothing  worse than a bunch of horney flying monkeys trust me 
Ive delt with this problem  befor.

and being it was happy hour i knew my slightly insane amigo would understand 
in all his naked glory.
Besides  I left him some sneakers  and a sixpack.
And kept his credit card for safe keeping.

Naked men have no place to keep credit cards and I figured he was in no state to handle 
money.

So as i sit  behind  the wheel  ready to to get lost in the madness of fast food and
  the ant hill of insanity that is wall mart i turn my thoughts to vegas.
For where would a lost nude slightly insane person  run to and feel at home.

I had turn the music up to drown out the sound of whoever was in the trunk.
I figured if i had put sombody in there  in a drunken moment.
It had to be for a good reason.

And so with slightly hungover mindset are road begins.
and so with that do the games also.
And i figured hanging around with a cops wife wasnt the smartest idea.
That and im allergic to bullets.

My muse and 16 year old spirtiual advisor had phoned me to say that.
I probaly needed to Invest in the spirt of Jack Daniels  today.
And hey she had went to church more than once  so who was I to argue.

With a five five spitfire by the name of tinker.
so with A unknown companion in the trunk not helping my hangover i was off
to the races  Untill next time kiddies. 
Adios and im off to find my amigo.


Details | Narrative | |

Reporting Live across the World

Reporting live on the soup, with Americas MOST. WANTED. POETS.
 Standing here with our host John, 
With an exclusive update on criminal poets, captured and on the run.
Switching over to you John,. "Thank you P.D., lets give thanks to all the 
P.M.W. tipsters, and our lovely F.B.I. agent Andrea Dietrich (Andy) & U.S. 
Marshal Shirley Harrison (S.H.)

Capturing 1 infamous fugitive Nikko Palmario, a comment crusader going contest crazy. 
Christopher Brantley, still at large U.S. Marshall (S.H.) says, "This brilliant fugitive leaves no 
trace." A dangerous poet posting comments longer than his poetry. Leaving a distinction of 
excellence in any short form.  P.M.W.tipsters Demand to be brought down to poetic justice.
P.M.W. Tip, led Marshall (S.H.) to the most notorious blond bombshell on the soup.
Captured on her vacation Linda Marie Bariana, lost control of her blond moment.
Paralyzing her laptop with sand. Covering to other crimes with to much poetry rhyme.
Her # 1 crime, entering a dark poet contest, to bad for this SWEET HEART who shines.         
Wanted in all nations Lynette Chachere a realistic poetic criminal against reality & dreams.
F.B.I.(Andy) Says"Our sweet Lynn, carries a weapons against all Enigma wonders."
A shameful crime to bring down a poets spirit with an intervene of her intense poetry.
F.B.I. Most wanted poetic lunatics, Billy the Kidster, with a Mental Poet Disorder.
A maniac on the rampage, a poet who lost it, with a crime slamming himself.
F.B.I. Most wanted viscous fugitive Christopher D. Aechtner, alias Vomiticus Grammaticus.
This former Canadian elusive bad boy, topping the hot list, a harmless poetic threat. 
Dakarai Cobbs, a 30 year old soups spot robbing thug. F.B.I.(Andy) Says "We offer 1 million
For the capture of this accused space invader aka the Sonnet man.
A poetic gang banger posting out of control, with a drive by of 130 hits in less than a month
Nathan Dilts, at large with the biggest search in poet history. 
A terrorizing poet implanting each poet with frightening thoughts and images so twisted.         
Making his followers absorb his evil poetic plots, while connecting center of dots.
F.B.I.(Andy) Says he is a mastermind with explosive & twisted thoughts.
Marshall (S.H.)Says "there is nothing we won't do to take his Poet License away.
  ((sorry no room for the Poet Destroyer))
Back to you P.D. "thank you John, there you have it soupers a few top criminal poets."
Reporting live on the soup P.D., all across the world enjoying our poetry security


Details | Rhyme | |

Quaffed

Ole Kelly worked at the brewery
And was pretty good at that
But one day he lost his balance 
And fell into a vat

O’Reilly went to Kelly’s house
Someone had to tell his wife
He said Kelly fell into the beer
And there he lost his life

Kelly’s wife was beside herself
Said I know those vats are slick
Please tell me he didn’t suffer
That my Kelly went real quick

He said I don’t think he suffered ma’am  
As far as I could see
In fact while he was swimming in there
He climbed out twice to pee

Another old Irish joke that I just had to set to rhyme.



Details | Ballad | |

Across the Way - The Sequel

Another day and the dishes have piled up yet again
So back I end up in front of the window 
I do not glance up, but concentrate
On the dull, dirtied objects before me
I do not hear the voices from yesterday
I still wallow in the grime of gray
I smile in malcontent
As I lather the dishes with soap
Against my will, I look up 
To see a lone, fat man opening a refrigerator
He is shirtless, bulgy, and he looks pregnant
My first supposition is to laugh
But I only look back down at the dishes
Not wanting to stare at the fat man
Not wanting to think he looks pregnant
For sure not wanting him to be my neighbor
Across the way

Against my will again, I look up
The fat, pregnant man is gone
I see ornaments on the refrigerator
Some pictures, some magnets
Family; not so different from my life
But yet, there is a transparent fancy of mystery
A flashy rage of difference in the silence
Oh, so quiet
The blazing sun sprays its light upon the hour
Not only are my hands wet from the soapy water
The deafening tone of quietude
Revels in me a mixture of loneliness and physical heat
A burning desire for something not seen
A desire for utter disgust of my newly found neighbors
But I find myself not disgusted at all
Until I look up again and see a fully naked man at the window
Across the way


Details | ABC | |

I Lost My Green Card

The immigration is coming for me 
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families 
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full 
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos 
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard 
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card 
I have gas and burps because of the food 
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood 
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard 
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card 
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day 
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey 
I sneak through a hole in the fence 
This shows the border patrol is incompetent 
I am again caught and sent back across the border 
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order 
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard 
This all goes back to when I lost my green card


Details | Couplet | |

Lost Glove

It’s getting cold and I’ve lost my glove
One hand gets warmth and the other no love

I’ve looked in the closet and under the couch
I’ll keep searching this place for I’m not a slouch

I’m looking through the stuff in my garage
Is that it in the corner?.......oh no, that's a mirage

I grab my coat and head for the door
Have I lost my glove forever more

No glove in sight and it’s time to leave
Take one guess at what’s in my sleeve (smiles)

Now both hands will feel woolly love
For I’ve just found the other glove


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Monoku | |

Alien-nation

One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.


Details | Alliteration | |

Banana Boat Bob

<                        Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
                          Thought ~ that ~  this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
                          No ~ spice  ~  no ~  life ~ no  .... nothing
                          Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's ....  ring


                          When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ......  why
                          I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even  ..... lie
                          His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
                          Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens



                         Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives  ~ and ..... Kiwi
                         screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum  ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
                         Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~  Lucy ~  got .......    pranked
                         Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he ....  sank

              

                        All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
                        Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do  ~ droppings .... whopie 
                        Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
                        For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard



Entry For
Linda Marie's
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
G.L. All


Details | Haiku | |

ZOOKEEPER

Lookin' after pests
Keepin' a CLOSE eye on 'em
"Those wild animals!"

Roamin' around zoo
Searchin' for sneaky monkey
Hidin' in a tree

Zookeeper gets mad
"Where's Marty, the smartypants!?"
"He TOOK my cage keys!"


Details | Enclosed Rhyme | |

Not Your Rag Doll Any More

                                                                   **~~**

Baby, your time is running out…
  No - I won't play in your house anymore
My life as your ragdoll - is coming to an end
  Your kind of vapid love left me so forlorn 

My heart was torn and frayed 
  By being tossed around by you
I was but a puppet - in your cruel selfish hands
  Played with- then tossed  aside
Like some old, gnarly shoe 

I was once new and shiny
  But you used me - then threw me to the ground
I had bright red curls, with lips painted cherry red
  And a happy beautiful smile
But the way you treated me
  Was like some game of 'lost and found' 

My insides had turned to cotton
  Spilling from me - like tidal pools of tears
My smile was painted on
  My threads bare and worn
No longer could I feel -I lost so much of me
So many lost and wasted years 

Once I didn’t have a backbone
  It was made of useless twine
Easily dragged around by you
  But now I see you for what you are...
A cold heart that has no shine 

Next time you think of coming my way
  Forget it...Just turn right back around
Cuz' you’re not coming in
  My heart won’t be your rag doll any more
You've lost me...but this last joke's on you
  Baby...I'm the one who wins
I'll survive - I don't need a love like yours

Yes, many tears I used to cry
  But -I don't want you back anymore
Just keep walkin' on down that road
  Now I hold my head up high  
My heart has been tranposed
  So- don't come knocking at my door...
To you baby - my door's forever closed


                                                                 "Ciao"
                                                            **~~**~~**


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read

Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!



Details | Quatrain | |

Hey There Tubby

I get on my bike and I pedal for hours You'd think I'd be skinny by now Ha! Not a chance my belly's still fat I look like an over stuffed sow Pants are so large they could sail a boat As the mast on the big ocean blue People are cruel and say “Hey there Tubby!” “Better stay away from the stew!” Try not to show how much it bothers me Saying, “Your mother dresses you funny!” But deep down inside I've lost all my pride To be skinny I'd give lots of money My scale says, “One at a time please!” I kick it in anger 'cross the room I've no one to blame for getting this way It's the buckets of food I consume So call me a fatty or call me a tub But don't call be late for my chow I'll soon get serious about losing this fat But it's just not the time right now! © Jack Ellison 2012 This was written before I went on a mission and lost 30 pounds!


Details | Free verse | |

O The Indignity of it All

Last summer when hiking with some friends
We came to a place where the trail ends
A road had been cut and stolen the trees

An 18 year old balanced the side
When all of the sudden his mother did cry

Get off that ledge have you lost your mind
And then all of the others with her did chime

I said you guys are silly he’s not going to fall
Anyone could do it anyone at all

All walked on, they had saved his neck
I looked and stared and said what the heck

As my friends walked on I stood on the ledge
Started to balance then looked over the edge

Far, far below all rocks, okay boulders
I realized I hadn’t done this since I became older

The only thought that came was 
Oh man this is gonna a hurt
My arms flailing quickly
all my senses alert

I know I looked like an idiot jerking forward and back
But then all my friends turned and went on attack
So much cussing and screaming had they all lost their minds
Tried though I might no voice I could find

With everything in me came the smallest of “help"
My friend reached and grabbed me 
And threw me to the ground
Then all of my friends did gather around 

I couldn’t get up so hard I did laugh
Then I stood to plead sanity on my own behalf

Look I’m as shocked as you
I used to do this in my sleep
I thought that as you grew older
At least your balance you could keep
After my laughter subsided
Indignity sunk in
I hadn’t felt so very old 
Since I couldn’t remember when

I vowed right then before we left
That before my next birthday
I’d go back and walk that ledge
No matter what they had to say

So in the middle of summer
If my pen should suddenly mute
Just know that I am mending
And my pride is following suit


Details | Couplet | |

LOST LOSER

          LOST LOSER

Bad enough to hear ‘you lose’
Then a flock of mail flies in
Don’t know which one you should choose
Then you glimpse ‘an AWESOME win’

Maybe it’s my humble past
Maybe it’s my country school
No one smiles when they are last
If you do --you’re called a fool.

Glory is its own reward
If you win your heart beat sings
Friends will greet you if they can
Life is sweet on eagle wings

Time is precious, time is short
Worlds await on shelves in books
Brush twitch paintings-- feet seek sport
I crave salmon on a hook

Ungrateful twit that I may seem
Courtesy is sometimes missing
My head I'll dunk in ice clogged stream
Avoid the flock of kiss kiss kissing

If you note that I have lost
Spare me time and spare me shame
Spare yourself the time it costs
To remind me that I’ve lost again



Victoria Anderson-Throop
Nov 30, 2012


Details | Rhyme | |

Spooks And Sech Like

In the backwoods of Tenn-O-See eerie things is seen on Halloween night!
Stroll with me down a country lane - you'll see things that'll give ya' a fright!
I s'pose ya' could set by the far and read of sech frum an old-timer's lore,
But come 'long, boys and girls, if ya' dare and see them scary things galore!

A headless hossman races by yellin', "I've lost my head, confound it!"
Its disembodied voice keeps repeatin', "I'll have no peace 'til I've found it!"
From a leafless oak a body swings in the wind danglin' frum a double noose!
'Tis said an impromptu posse hung 'im fer filchin' hosses on the loose!

That old house is said to be haunted and mysterious lights is seen inside!
The story goes that hosts of fiendish ghosts and witches therein reside!
Passin' the old cemetery, I'm sure y'all will want to increase yer stride!
Leerin' ghosts and skeletons lurk there and they'll skeer ya' outta yer hide!

A spectral platoon of sojers is seen marchin' 'long that haunted stretch of lane.
A sergeant counts cadence and moans is heard from them that's sufferin' pain!
Spooky lights is seen waftin' to and fro and seem to be headin' our way!
Are they restless spirits with evil intent er lost souls that have gone astray?

A sobbin' wraith with glowin' eyes is seen floatin' jes' beyond the ridge.
With a piercin' scream she waves at us and leaps frum a nearby bridge!
So, my children, if its thrills y'all is lookin' fer and a real Halloween scare,
Come, take a midnight stroll with me 'long that fearsome lane, if you dare!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 1 in PD's "Any Poem You Posted This Week" Contest - Nov 2011


Details | I do not know? | |

Forgetfulness x-x

Oh no!! I forgot – I had a plate of dessert In the cool freezer Oh no!! Dad forgot – He left his blue bowl of fruit On the clean counter!


Details | Couplet | |

THE WORD AND THE WRITER



The word calls to the lost writer, “I am right here.” 
The writer calls to the lost word, “Right! Here I am!”


Details | Free verse | |

AM ALIVE NOT DEAD

Crazy how when one problem is solved,
Another one arises,
When one thing is lost,
we find another one,
When we give up
someone else moves up,
When we think its the end of the road,
the journey has just began.

Crazy how when one stops hurting,
worry wants to take over,
When we are down and crushed to dust,
freedom calls, wanting to sweep you away like the wind.
Crazy how when i cry,
I realize am normal,
I have emotions and tears.

Funny how When my life is out of control,
When am broken and hurt,
Scared, thinking that this crazy world,
Is going to bring me down,
i find a reason to smile
I realize AM ALIVE NOT DEAD.


Details | Free verse | |

Sacred Passage

God of light conquer my fear from within

An eclipse of the sun has tainted my inner vision
Who are we to have believed yet achieved
Some are even caught in its pickle;
Stranded as two love birds caught in a fickle

Sacred Passage
The uniting of two hearts so far away we will pray
God of heaven take delight on my poetry
Look highly favorable amidst the summoned truth

Like a lost carriage we take our flight away

Far from the lost brevity in exchange of honesty
The silence has etched its memory in our brains
Shattered by the moment of upheaval and then,
Sacred Passage;

We look humbly then often deeper then ever before


In exchange of honesty its just Studio 54?


Details | Blank verse | |

where has it gone

we had hair 
in the 1960s
where has it gone
we had
love and peace


Details | Rhyme | |

GIVE ME MORE

I laid it down beside me
just an hour ago.
It seems I must have lost it,
or dropped it on the floor.

Why does it seem so hard
to keep it in my grasp?
I never seem to find it, where
I thought I used it last.

Now, where was it on Tuesday?
I NEVER seem to know!
The thought of it just comes to me
right when I want it most.

I needed it last weekend
but my daughter came too late.
I wanted her to see it
when my grandson came to play.

My friend around the corner
always has hers when
the time comes she must use it. 
I think she must have ten!

The pastor’s wife found hers one day,
just in the nick of time.
She always has it with her now.
“O’ Lord, where’d I put mine?”

I’ve looked inside the breadbox
and underneath my bed.
It wasn’t in the basement, now
My face is turning RED!!

“O’ Lord, I’m tired and flustered,
back where I’ve been before.
I’ve lost MY PATIENCE once again.
Oh Please, just give me more”!


Details | Rhyme | |

I Lost You, Again

Oh notebook I lost you again,
You get lost so easy, like a leaf in the wind.
I need to remember where I put you up,
so I can get this awful feeling out of my gut!
When I get finished writing inside of you,
there is one promise, that will always stay true.
notebook, I promise I wont lose you again
I'll hold onto you like my one and only friend.


Details | I do not know? | |

Illegitimi non Carborundum

Illegitimi non carborundum ;-)


...Staggering, my vision cloudy,


I fall to the hard ground.


when life’s sharp left-jab leaves my face bloody,


and all that surrounds me, is the desolation of loss I feel all around.



I see myself slipping,

down the abyss to where nothingness exists,


still, I cling on, groping for a foothold,

for my will to stay persists.



I clamber up, I stand my ground, though battered and bruised I may be,


my curtain is not falling yet, I have some fight still left in me.



It is then, in the pit of despair, when all seems bleak and painful and dull,


I summon the strength from deep within,


I rise, slowly, to face the day,


I refuse to sink,

to wallow, to surrender, to throw in the towel,


to drown,


for I am stronger now,


indeed I am, after all the years, and all the battles,


I stand, bruised and bloody,


still,


I stand,


I refuse, to sink, to drown,


for they can try, to punish me some more,


but I shall not allow them to grind me down…


;-)


Details | Rhyme | |

The Mermaid

While sailing out on morning’s tide
A mermaid on a rock I spied
She was a lovely half-fish girl
With a necklace made of whitest pearl

She smiled and blew a kiss to me
Then disappeared into the sea
She surfaced back behind the boat
And lazily began to float

I grabbed my friend and pointed aft
He thought that I was truly daft
For mermaids don’t exist, you know
My friend quite plainly told me so

No sooner had he walked away 
The mermaid came again to play
She sunned herself upon some rocks
And combed her flowing silken locks

I hailed the Captain of our ship
But she had given me the slip
The Captain answered to my call
But saw no mermaid there at all

The Captain thought me quite insane
As my wondrous tale I did explain
When he returned back to his duty
I saw again my ocean beauty

She floated there upon a wave
A subtle wink she slyly gave
And then she flipped her lovely tail
Swimming along as we did sail

I called all of my sailor friends
To show them her curvaceous fins
They asked if I was feeling well
When my story I began to tell

I pointed to the mermaid fair
But when they looked, nothing was there
They thought that I had lost my mind
No mermaid out there could they find

They left and shook their weary heads
And sleepily went to their beds
My head was in a dizzy whirl
I saw the ocean waters swirl

Then once again she came in sight
Swimming in the pale moonlight
I yelled and danced a frantic jig
As they hauled me off into the brig

“He’s lost it” I did hear them say
As they sadly went upon their way
Through the port of my little cell
I watched the sea waves rise and swell

Then suddenly next to the glass
I saw the little seaward lass
She took the pearls off of her neck
And tossed them up onto the deck

Then off she swam into the deep
As I wearily slipped off to sleep
When came the early light of dawn
I stretched my arms and gave a yawn

Then my good friend upon the ship 
Ran down with pearls fast in his grip
"You won’t believe the sight I saw"
He said to me, face filled with awe

Last night while I was by the rail
I heard a voice give me a hail
Next thing I knew, here came these pearls
From underneath the ocean swirls

"Quite right you were", he said to me
"A mermaid threw these from the sea"
I winked and said “I don’t think so”
For mermaids don’t exist you know


Details | Monorhyme | |

Bearded

I wear a beard of aging, upon a cliff-face chin
A year has passed and grown its hairs out from my mottled skin
Mistakes sit there unchallenged, to each fibre clings a sin
Yet despite my facial mask of age the clubs won’t let me in


Details | Free verse | |

My Secret Prison

Trapped again!

Maze hidden cheddar eluding 
every twisting turn a doorway 
to the path I’ve already forgotten
a spirit broken within each hidden cul-de-sac.

I cry.

Depression building my will 
crumbling into fatal despair
that rages with a whisper
as quiet as a hurricane.

I sleep.

I scream at one wall 
HA! HA! HA!
hundreds more continue laughing.
Right! Left! NO! RIGHT! Left! Right! LEFT! YES! Right!

I succumb.

Cheddar thoughts and running 
water sustain my desire to escape
through walls of scent
filled dreams of freedom.

I laugh.

Test complete. Failure.
Should have smelled for Camembert.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Nuzlocking of Pokemon Red

For those we lost
Nuzlocking Pokémon Red
This is a poem 
To memorialize our dead

Rainbow

A level 4 Metapod
Caught with a single pokéball
Would grow to become
One of the best pokémon of all

Rainbow, the Butterfree
Evolved before our eyes
A valued teammate
We could never predict his demise

But in a simple trainer battle
Tackle was used by a Geodude
Rainbow had little HP
So we were screwed

A level 18 Butterfree
Was lost that fateful day
“Oh, Lord, what have I done?”
Was all his trainer could say

Kiedis

In a patch of grass
A level 16 Mankey we did find
Named after the great Kiedis
A spot on our team he was assigned

Immediately placed in the front position
Our hopes were just to high
A level 16 Rattata 
Would force us to bid goodbye

Cross

He was selling Magikarps
This little old man
And we knew immediately
He’d fit in with our plans

Only a level 5
He was a trainee to be sure
But we were already imagining
Battles he could be used for

As a Gyarados, Cross caught us a Snorlax
Rosie would be her name
But we had no idea
She would be his last contribution to our game

A level 29 Electrode
Dealt a critical hit
And as Cross fainted
His trainer threw a fit

You were so young, Cross
Why did it have to be you
We could only pray
That Rosie would do

The Rest

And may we never forget
The Pokémon we lost fighting MewTwo
The ones who gave their lives
To bring the best finale to you

*For Adam Hepler*


Details | Free verse | |

Chat.

                 
                    The internet is a wonder full thing,
                     though there are dangers that lurk with in.
                     In details Iwill not go
                      please take my word so.
                     The chats sites are many,
                      though ms.n is number one for me
                      Ican chat as long as the others agree.
                      But when it goes wrong and the connection is gone,
                      it feels like apart is missing from me.
                      Icarnt say what happend the other night,
                       all i know is the computer went on strike.
                      
                     My connection is not the fastest I know ,
                     but why at that time did it have to be so slow.
                     For what seemed like years I was getting close to tears,
                    till the connection was back on,
                    you were gone.
                    lost in cyber space I lost the race,
                    that night my computer won.      
                                 
                
                                           


Details | Light Poetry | |

behind the scenes (part two)

& here comes the jester with his funny clothes 
With his loud laugh, hilarious deeds & jokes 
The great funny jester that we love in all stories                                                   
 seems a little bit different …seems to be lost along the roads 
I've watched him washing away his makeup & putting down his tools 
As he noticed that he's not only the jester of the show 
But also one of the greatest fools 
Living behind his fake smile 
That he forgot what's a real smile & who the real "he" is 
But... he didn’t give the true "he" a try 
& also got lost in a blink of an eye 
There are so many other characters in the show 
But those were all I could introduce to you 
I just don’t know how it feels 
To be the one behind the scenes 
There is always something left for u to figure out 
Something that u should know alone that may fill u with doubt 
Just follow your sense; no one can hide behind that fairy tale forever 
Reveal the truth from behind those curtains in front of you 
Try to understand what happened to those characters of the show 
So take a look behind the scenes 
Or do you like the things the way it seems …


Details | Lay | |

A Generational Curse

we tend to forget the time when we ourselves were very young
our own parents did not understand some of the things we had done
we had our own style of music, our own dances and points of view
we fail to see that It's a curse every generation seems to go through

In the 1950's, there was teeny boppers, convertibles cars plus rock-n-roll
the parents from the big band era thought their children were out of control
In the 1960's, there was war protesting, hippies and anti-establishment
the parents from the bebop era thought their children had lost all their sense
In the 1970's, there was the Motown sound, flower power and acid rock
the parents from the rock-n-roll era thought their kids were chips off the old block
In the 1980's there was after-work parties, glitter balls and disco fever
the parents from the hippie generation
would not be mistaken for Ward and June Cleaver
In the 1990's, they had rap music, punk rock and designer street clothes
the parents from the acid rock era were clueless in their parental roles
In the new millennium the year 2000 known as Y2K
It's gotten to the point where most parents seemed to have lost their way

Is the situation getting better or Is It getting worse?
Is It that change is a constant which causes a generational curse?
Is it the sins of the father from the very beginning
that have been revisited on each generation of children?

do you remember the words that every parent has said 
to their children since the beginning of mankind?
"may you one day have children who act just like you 
who will make you think your losing  your mind"


Details | Rhyme | |

I Lost the Bet : Where's my Jet ?

I Lost the Bet : Where's my Jet ?


I went to Vegas made a bet
  takin' the cab: lost my Jet!  
Went  to settle up the score
What else is new? Lost some more!  
Nor did Blackjack go my way, 
I should have left early that day! 
I went to gamble; lost my shirt 
 Life's a shamble; now eatin'dirt     
I had a pocket full of cash      
sure was gone in a flash! 
played the craps; now eatin' scraps  
thought I was lucky, but to my surprise
  wasn't 7 or 11, it was snake eyes!  
  I'm sorry to say, I took the bet
you know how it goes;it's Russian Roulette 
I rolled the dice; I didn't think twice   
 went to Vegas lost my dreams; 
didn't stay away from the slot machines 
 Now I  pray for my shattered life;  
should have played Bingo with my wife!



McCuen Copyright October 2008


Details | Quatrain | |

Mindless

I lost my shoes, and I was sure
That I had lost my mind;
I couldn't remember yesterday,
So I must have left it behind.

Nor can I recall all the things
That I probably saw,
And I'm feeling lightheaded
As if I'm made of straw.

Do you know of some way
To repair my condition?
Magic spells? Surgery?
Some kind of a mission?

If you know of anything,
I'll treat you like the best,
Like I girl whom I once knew
Who came from the Midwest.


Details | Epic | |

Calydorn.....part One

Of Calydorn he speaks each night while drinking bitter ale. 
Of battles won and battles lost out on the planes of Veil. 
His own armorment of sword and shield, leather and chainmail. 
The mighty stead he rode in battle and hunting the Great Thorn Tail. 
The blackened stone of fortress walls, from Dragons fiery breath. 
Wizards who cast their magic spells at a kings request. 
The bewitched moat the encircles the castle and it's spiked drawbridge entrance. 
The way the two moons violet light gave it all a spectral appearance. 
The inner halls he walked and could feel the magic's whispering ways. 
It flowed as wine upon the air to affect all things fey. 

Yes, his tales he will share with you anytime, for a cup of ale that's free. 
Each gulp he takes germinates the details like a seed. 
The young men and the old, gather round him to listen, 
Captivated by his words and the unfolding vision. 
While ale is flowing freely, he speaks low as if he shouldn't tell 
About the other beings that lived within Calydorns realm. 

he tells them all about the Gnomes who lived in the woods. 
Grumpy tricksters that they be, kept most trespassers lost for good. 
How the green and silver Pixies tended to the flowers. 
Flitting here and there, tirelessly for hours. 
Then he tells them of the Brownies  who never really worked a day. 
They use their mystic little powers to do their chores so they can joke and play. 
Of his favorite creature he loved to speak was the Majestic Unicorn. 
With it's powers over life and death and golden rings within its horn. 

Yes, he tells of creatures unheard of by them, that he experienced each day. 
And how when people choose not to believe, magic will simply die away. 
That was the times within his telling he seemed to fade into his own mind. 
His red rimmed eyes would go dull and his teeth he would grind. 
Then a single tear would slide down his stubbled cheek. 
And once again he would drink and continue to speak. 
Solemnly he now tells of what befell his world. 
And how he landed in their midst, while his drink he would swirl. 


To Be Continued..........


Details | Light Poetry | |

G'day Part 2 A poem for Don

“We’ll need to get him good and drunk, 
So then we can have our way. 
As a Sheila he’ll go in the trunk, 
Then we’ll put him on display.” 

Sam had his sister’s evening gown, 
And a pair of high heeled shoes, 
A stunning rhinestone tiara crown, 
And a pocket book of Sue’s. 

We’ll need to find a place somewhere, 
Where we can trick him into drinkin’. 
Then we’ll strip him of his underwear, 
And teach him a thing fair dinkum. 

Just then my truck hit a rut, 
And the crate flew in the air. 
My left wheel lost a single nut 
But it only started with a pair. 

We drove on for a little way 
Until the axle snapped in two. 
We watched our cargo hop away 
What a lucky kangaroo. 

Under the truck I went just to get a peek, 
To see if we were even in the game. 
That’s when I spotted the petrol leak 
And the whole thing went up in flame. 

Sam pulled me out and stripped me bare, 
‘Cause my clothes were all on fire. 
My arse was barbied medium rare 
By my smoldering attire. 

Sam wrapped his hand with his own shirt, 
Then he opened up the door. 
He bravely made a grab for the skirt, 
Because that’s what friends are for. 

We were lost out in the outback 
Stuck up the proverbial gum tree. 
The sun gave us a blistering attack,
Because we were dressed like Aborigine. 


Details | Verse | |

Phone Rings, Guess Who

Did you ever, did you ever, 
get one of these calls?

Hi, guess who?

I think everyone, has 
gotten one of those calls…

The problem is, most of the 
time, you don’t have a clue, 
who is calling… 

On those occasions, that you 
know the caller, you are 
ecstatic that they’ve called…

A long lost love, or a 
dear friend you lost track of…

Either way, it can make you
 happy…

You can also leave calls,
 to your love ones, and see
 if they call back, that is if you 
want to see, if they remember 
your voice, or the number that
 you leave…

By Sandra L. Hoban
©2006 


Details | Narrative | |

Smart Woman

It was the evening before Thanksgiving,
so off to the biggest store in town I went, for a few items,
I needed to complete my Thanksgiving Feast.
Everyone was grabbing, and hurrying to get out.
I was totally out of my comfort zone, 
for I hardly ever come here,
except to buy a few things, you don't find anywhere else.
Then there he was, lost as a goose in a thunder storm,
his wife had played a severe trick on him.
A list he held in his hand for the items she needed.
I heard him talking to himself, so I stayed close behind him,
just for the entertainment.
Marshmallows, does she want the big ones or the small ones,
oh no, couldn't put that down, so I'll buy both.
Cherries, now where are they, probably way over on the other
side of the building.
Just then he turned around to look at me,
am I blocking you, if so I am sorry, but I don't know 
where anything is, and with this crowd in here, I can't
even think, much less find anything.
No, I said, you are fine, I am just as lost as you are,
that's when he told me, my wife played a cruel trick on me.
She wanted to come early, and get this over with, but I told
her, what is the rush, well, I will never say that again, ever,
and if I get out of here alive, you will never see me pushing a buggy
in here again without my wife.
I don't know how she does it.
I thought to myself, smart man.
We have to give his wife credit, smart woman.




Details | I do not know? | |

Indiana Jones and the temple of dumb

(This fictional poem is based on a cartoon I drew)

My cousin is as dumb as he can be.
His IQ score is only twenty-three.
He and I both love those Indiana Jones movies.
We think they are neat and groovy.
But when we watched Raiders of the lost ark, we got in a fight.
It's a shame that this poor boy isn't very bright.
When I told him that Raiders of the lost ark was made in 1981, he said I was 
lying.
I couldn't convince him it was the truth even though I kept trying.
I asked him why did he think I wasn't right.
He said it couldn't be true because from 1980 to 1983 Harrison Ford was frozen 
in Carbonite.


Details | Free verse | |

who needs a map

on one on-ramp, off another,
     getting lost is our fetish.
left turn instead of right, 
     makes the night go faster.
Who needs a map when you've got a full tank of gas!

four brand new tires on a gravel road,
     getting lost is our forte.
toll booths, 
     even more confusion.
Who needs a map when you've got a full tank of gas!

address of the restaurant,
     right exit wrong turn.
one way streets,
     we always need the other direction.
Who needs a map when you've got a full tank of gas!

first date jitters,
     two wrong turns made us miss the first two songs.
wedding night,
     never should have listened to drinking family members.

Getting lost is when we get along the best!!!


Details | Lyric | |

My Choice

My world's falling apart
But I can't stop it
If it doesn't get better,
I might throw a fit.
I've lost my heart, 
And I'm losing my voice
But the funny thing is,
This was my choice.
I chose to be me
This evil person inside
And it's only getting worse
And I'm no longer mine.
I've changed so much
And I can't take it back
It's no use
This is the last.
I've lost my heart
And I'm losing my voice
But the funny thing is,
This was my choice.


















Details | Ballad | |

The Lost Wives

THE LOST WIVES

My wife and I were having one of them bonding days,
Where we ate lunch in a café…and of course it’s me who pays!
Then we strolled along the street to look in all the shops.
Now the bug has bit her, this window-shopping never stops.

It’s “Look at this!” Or “Look at that!” And “Isn’t that so cheap!”
Of course I’m going “Yes dear! As I follow like a sheep,
When in reality me thoughts are on being somewhere better,
So she can shop with all her might, and I can just forget her. 

Then when she mentioned ‘Target’ she must have seen me shake,
“That joint’s fifty thousand metres square”, I said “For goodness sake!”
But to addicted shopaholics, they don’t care who bears the brunt… 
“If you don’t want to shop with me then just wait out the front!”  

I waited…and I waited. I reckon that three hours is enough,
So with blood pressure rising and me language getting rough,
I began the dreaded searching up and down the hundred aisles,
And ignored the “Can I help you?” Or the shop assistant smiles.

I stormed past the ladies underwear and then the hats and dresses, 
The perfume and the footwear aisles kept adding to me stresses,
Then I met a bloke close to the lipsticks with worry on his face,
“I’ve been searching for an hour…me wife is lost in this place!”  

I replied “Well that’s coincidence! Mine’s been gone for hours now, 
I’ve searched north to south, east to west and you know somehow,
I reckon we should join our forces, because united we could strike, 
So by the way” I said to him, “What does your wife look like?”

“Well” he said, “She’s tall and tanned, her body shape’s an hour glass,
Her legs are long, hair is blonde, and she’s got a gorgeous…bottom.
Now what does your wife look like?” And without a seconds pause,
“Bugger mine!” I said to him…“Lets just go and look for yours!”
Lindsay Laurie


Details | I do not know? | |

Lost

(This is a fictional poem)

When it comes to choosing roads to drive on, my cousin always makes the 
wrong selections.
He gets lost and he's a man so you know he doesn't ask for directions.
He got lost in a town that's full of prostitutes and pimps.
He got out of there as fast as he could because he's a wimp.

Last week he got lost in a town that's full of hillbillies.
He accidentally smashed into somebody's trailer and they slapped him silly.
If you're like my cousin, don't drive a car.
You'll be better off staying where you are.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Marbles Lost

I've lost my marbles.
I wonder where they went.
I've lost my marbles.
running on a hellbent.

I've lost my marbles.
Oh, where could they be.
I've lost my marbles,
rolling away from me.

I've lost my marbles.
Where did they go?
I've lost my marbles.
Not a one to show.


Details | I do not know? | |

The Menace

An elephant lost his trunks,
And the kitten lost it’s socks.
“Ha Ha Ha!” the monkey says,
“You silly animals!” He mocks.

While the monkey laughs and taunts
One thing he doesn’t see.
The pack rat’s taking his shoes and gloves,
Now who’s the one that’s sil-ly?

“Where are my gloves?  Where are my shoes?”
The monkey rants and raves.
The pack rat sits in the corner and grins,
All the animal’s things, he saves.

The pack rat’s stockpile is growing fast,
More quickly than you know.
The monkey’s still looking for his shoes and gloves.
While the stockpile continues to grow.