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Funny Girlfriend Poems | Funny Poems About Girlfriend

These Funny Girlfriend poems are examples of Funny poems about Girlfriend. These are the best examples of Funny Girlfriend poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

I've Already Met You

The first date's the hardest. I never know what it is I should do.
I take you to dinner. You don't eat, you just play with your food,
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her.

We go back to my apartment where I proceed to go south on you.
You tell me you're bored cause I can't find that damn guy in the canoe,
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her.

You say I'm the one, the one you cand spend the rest of your life.
"When will we marry?" you ask, "When will you make me your wife?"
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her,
and the girlfriend I had before her,
and the girlfriend I had before her.

Inspired by:
Well, some friggin song I recently heard but can't get outta my head.


Details | Free verse | |

Princesses

Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!


Details | Limerick | |

Monkey See

Monkey See~

There once was a monkey named Frank
Who loved to walk the plank
He said too many jokes
Pulled too many hoaxe-s 
Ha! Ha! Ha! Then he got a good spank

*

Who's that monkey in front of me
I dare to hang with you on a tree
Oh! What I do? Will you do?
Together we are like glue
Is that my flea or your flea?

~ Skat ~

Contest~


Details | Sonnet | |

Karate Chicken

The girls in vain tried his sad soul to sweeten;
(why art thou laughing at his blackened eye?)
Malign and radioactive chicken,
you never loved or watered his bonsai!

Thou spaced-out sill maiden of delusion,
and frivolous, counterfeit struthio,
thy cackling leave gave tongue to contusion,
eloped with Foghorn Leghorn unto Rio.

Beloved of his aphotic thought's wit,
deserted cot due to thine abandon,
dawns sullen, chickenless, dolour permit,
- old taken snaps of you with his Canon.

Incomprehensible, soulless chicken
His saddened eye is karate stricken.

© 03-23-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | ABC | |

Skin

You send bolts through my skin 
something I was never to 
accomplish with you, when I 
saw you it's like my heart sank 
to my stomach and I was in 
shock my body still my body 
heavy felt like when I moved I 
was about to fall to my knees 
you make me want to get 
inside my brain pick you up and 
take you out pick you one by 
one like a flower because I do 
love you and love you not.


Details | Couplet | |

Heaven Sent

My girlfriend’s love never ceases
My girlfriend loves me to pieces
My girlfriend takes away my breath
My girlfriend just loves me to death

Too young to be passing so soon
(Services will be held at noon)


For: Poetess Darkly's contest




Details | Haiku | |

a kiss of sunshine

a kiss of sunshine pouty crimson horizon cock-a-doodle-doo


Details | Limerick | |

My Pole Dancer

This Pole Dancer she was with me
All other men must pay her fee
Still I must confess
My family’s stress
But Polish dance lessons aren’t free


Details | Free verse | |

Ahhhh -

The only thing
that beats a good sh-t
is a good orgasm….
Once I had the good fortune
to experience both phenomenon
simultaneously...

My lover was NOT amused
and promptly proceded
to beat the sh-t out of me
(What little was left)
then told me to beat it
to which I happily obliged…


Details | Rhyme | |

I Hate It

I Hate It

I hate it when you’re acting like a brat,
I hate it when you don’t care.
I hate it when you’re screaming like a cat,
I hate it when you’re not being fair.

I hate it when things go crazy between us,
I hate it when we don’t talk.
I hate it when you say nasty things and cuss,
I hate it when instead of listening you mock.

I hate the way your friends back you up,
I hate the way they hate me when they should not.
I hate the way you lie a little and start acting like a pup,
I hate the way people look at you when you dress up hot.

I hate the way we make up and make sweet promises,
I hate the way we break them and start fighting again.
I hate the way you don’t respond to my kisses,
I hate the way we have to do this every now and then.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Clumsy girl

Coming down the stairs
She trips and falls
She got an ear infection
She can’t take telephone calls

She steps over her dog
And hurt her knees
She sits in her garden
Got stuck by some bees

Sometimes she smile and says
She’s like a walking hospital
But still holds my life in her hands
And keep it safe through it all

Reaching to turn off there lamp
She tumbles off the bed
Looks in the mirror
Got a bump on her head

She makes a cup of coffee
Burn her lips it’s to hot
She peels an orange
Her fingers got a little cut

She’s like a walking disaster
She says I’m clumsy girl
But to me she’s the most
Perfect person in the world

Goes out side for the mails
She slips on the snow
She fell hard on the pavement
 She bruises and hurt my elbow

 She can’t go back in the house
By mistake she locks the door
Climb through the windows
Stepped on a nail on the floor

She burn the pot roast
The kitchen oven was smoking
Leave the water running
And the whole basement soaking

She goes to the restaurant
It just another disaster
She bounces into the waiter
He spills food on a costumer

She says she is so clumsy
And she sits quiet just gazing
So I just look in her eyes
And says hey babe you’re amazing

I feel so secure in her arms
 When she hugs me
In My clumsy girl arms
Is the safest place I want to be?


Details | Rhyme | |

Nine

He had asked me out on a date today
"Restaurant I know,but not the time",I sigh.
So standing in the corridor, signaled him in class
He threw me a paper and we waved bye.
There was number six written on it ,I rush 
To get ready quick and look beautiful to surprise.
I get there, wait until patience crossed the line,
Then angrily call him up when he doesn't show up.. 
Just to hear him say,"Baby,I meant nine!"


Details | I do not know? | |

The Bow Leg-ged Girl

      THE BOW LEG-GED GIRL
I took all of your tank tops and your hose and your sox,
and I put them all together in a little brown box.
I put all of your dresses and your shoes in a sack,
and I wrapped it up because I knew you're never coming back.

I took your funky records and your Gaygirl Magazines
and dropped them in the trash with all your green and purple jeans.
I took the clothes I bundled up and gave them away,
to the Salvation Army, it seems like yesterday.

You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.
You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.

I met a wino on the street, she looks just like you,
she wears a see through blouse and she walks bow legged, too.
She sings those funky songs and plays the guitar outa sight,
and she takes a bath in cheap perfume like you did every night.

She sings about Viet Nam and love we don't show,
No one's told her Viet Nam was fifty years ago.
She's out protesting every day and carries a big sign,
and bites her toenails every night just like you did mine.

You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.
You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.

She has a job but all she'll say, it ain't chopping wood.
And it's funny how her money lasts, and she lives so good.
She bought a brand new car one day, a pink Cadillac,
and it's got a bar up in front and mattress in the back.

I don't know why she thinks she has to work every day,
cause I never had a job I just live on my welfare pay.
She picks her nose and rolls each bugger in a sugar ball,
and just like you used to do, then she eats them all.

You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.
You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.

I married her in the park, it seems like yesterday,
and I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't run away.
She brought her uncle home with her from work the other night,
and her uncle and my cousin all got drunk and had a fight.

She got locked in the bedroom with the meter readers dad,
and they had a lot of fun all night, but I felt awful bad.
He took her home with him a while, but she wouldn't stay,
I wish you'd come back home to me, and run her away.

You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.
You never told me you were leaving town,
you never told me you were leaving.
© ron wilson aka Vee Bdosa the Doylestown Poet


Details | Light Poetry | |

Bruised Ego

I lusted after Deborah from my first day at school.                 
As did every other boy, her looks made them all drool.
On Valentines I sent a card despite my inhibition.
She responded with a churlish smile that set me on a mission,
I asked her for a date and she replied “well, that depends…
…in fact, on second thoughts, I’d rather we were Just Friends”


Details | Light Poetry | |

Gold Digger

half his age
and nearly twice his
height
pretty as a picture
but none too bright
 
he loves her open
arms (and legs) –
his “tart”
spread-eagled on his
sports-car’s bonnet
 
she likes him for
his open mind and
open heart
but most of all –
his open wallet
 
she intends to stick
with him through
thick and thicker
and is most
“concerned” about
his dodgy ticker



you can see my
illustration &
original poem on my
blog here -

http://tap-p.com/2014/08/22/gold-digger/


Details | Free verse | |

with slight dementia

old man
retiring
with slight dementia
horny 
with sturdy sled
and little to offer

looking for attractive
young female and/or male
with good body
compassionate
needing little
season greeting

send photo 
off season
between
January and October
to Santa Claus
Saint Barts


Details | Free verse | |

the doors

love of my life
the heart of the gold
the crystal handle
to my love door
she opened them wide
and gave a huge smile
and shined her light
in my dead life
she opened me 
with tears of grace
and she made me realize
that i got to fight every way
stand my ground
and not let me down
for i was in tears
for all the break
and then she came
and made me alive again
she made my heart beat
and my lungs breath 
she gave me everything
which was what i need
for to come back
and socialize once more
she has made the pain
run away
never to come back
or return anymore
she made my life
as a prince or a knight
with all loyalty and might
she brought me my life
back from the grave
were my doors were sealed
and i thought no one
would try to revel
my batter and bashed
a heart as you may
she is fixing it right now
and making it great  
thanks to her
i am alive again


Details | Ballad | |

I Can Finally Drive

My bicycle days are through 
Please help me spread the news 
I no longer have to be a 32 year old hermit 
Mom and Dad got me my permit 
I just bought a car that seats 5 
Thanks to my parents I can finally drive 
Mom goes with me and my girlfriend out to eat 
Mom rides shotgun, my girl in the back seat 
While we are eating with live entertainment 
My girlfriend expresses how she doesn't like the car's seating arrangement 
So my mom drives and my girl is shotgun 
Now I am the lonely one 
We drop off my girlfriend and I ask my mom to remove the knife 
She says stop complaining, now you can drive 
The next night my Dad goes out with me and my buds 
We want to sit back and suck down a few suds 
Not on my watch, my Dad says 
My night out with the buds was disastrous 
After one beer, my Dad says you are too drunk to get behind the wheel 
He has no idea how this freedom of driving makes me feel 
My Mom and Dad are smothering me, my social life will never survive 
With them around, it look as if I will never truly drive 
Now it's Mom's turn to escort me, guess where we go 
My girl and Mom in the front seats, we stop at Domino's 
We all three sit in the car and wait for the pizza to get done 
Mom says no a/c, let's enjoy the sun 
I begin a waterfall of sweat 
Mom says look at you, you're all wet 
Mom asks for extra napkins when the pizza is delivered to the car 
Mom says tonight is Friday, let's park by the lake and enjoy the stars 
At the lake, I will drown myself, if I take a dive 
I am going back to the bicycle, I will never again attempt to drive