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Funny Beach Poems | Funny Poems About Beach

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Details | Limerick | |

THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015


Details | Epic | |

The Idiom and the Oddity Part7 Fina

So, as we say in Greece
That’s where I’ll End my story
For the things that happen next
Weren’t made for song of glory

So many Tails, throughout the ages
Have spoke of love and loss
Of  passions and betrayals
The triumphs and the cost

But never was one told
That meant as much to me
To launch a thousand ships
And survived through history

And with every great Greek story
There’s a lesson to be learn
So, I’ll leave you with this message
Now the last page, has been turned 


The moral still stands true
Throughout all time, which passes
Don’t steal a person’s love away
And beware Greeks bare-ing asses 

THEE END                   Authored By Jerry T Curtis 
                                       08/10/2014
                                       The Year of The Horse


Details | Free verse | |

Fun in the Sun

Flesh on show and sun tan lotion
bodies laid on towels or sun lounges 
By the ocean
Salty air wind blown hair
Music streaming from the near by fair
Baby screaming nappies full
Cool guys looking for babes on the pull
Sun shades and floppy hats
Grown men playing cricket with ball and bats 
Sand castles and buckets and spades
Candy floss and lemonade
Father With binoculars pretending to look out to sea
Or read a newspaper but really looking at the bathing beauties
Bikinis and manknies G strings tight where the sun don't shine
Hot dogs and hamburgers the popping of corks from bottles of wine
Hairy legs and wrinkled skin
child almost drowning couldn't swim
Muscle bound Life guards with muscles to impress
Granma lost her false teeth
Dropped between her breasts
Ice creams and summer dreams
Young child peeing in the sea
Among the swimmers splashing about with glee
People playing beach ball and football
Mother calls come on all it's time for tea
Large Busty woman running like jelly on a plate
Wobble wobble
And nearly starting an earthquake
Sand between your toes
Sun burn on your nose
Sweaty arm pits sweaty bums
Toffee apples and bleeding gums
Sea gulls flying screeching high above
Clear blue sky pure white dove
Watching the frothy waves stretch upon the shore
Watching the horizon and tiny boats 10 miles away or more
Dogs running here and there
Sweets being passed around to share
Crabs and shrimps and other critters in a rocky pool
Children with fishing nets and jars to take them back to school
Para gliders pulled by speed boats high in the sky
Oh why do people want to risk life
As they could die
Postcards to write people on there bikes
The smell of fish and chips
Children with jam around their lips
Couples walking hand in hand barefoot on warm sand
Treasured memories and photo's to cherish
Suitcases packed feeling unwound and relaxed
Can't wait until next year when they come back.


Peter Dome.copyright.2013. July.


Details | Limerick | |

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

 In the cold sea my pants fell down and sunk,
 And when I came out part of me had shrunk.
   Girls pointed as I did hurtle
  "Look.... a frightened turtle!"
 Hey! C'mon, that's no turtle, that's my junk!


                    --------------

        Inspired by a Seinfeld episode.


Details | Rhyme | |

A SUMMER DAY WITH GRANNY

It happened so many years ago
I remember it like today
The sun was hot you had to know
When Granny went swimming I say

Now Granny's eyes had a twinkle
She was loved by one and all
Not ashamed of any wrinkle
Trouble walking since her fall

So the two o us we helped her
Walk into the water so blue
And as we mad the water stir
What would happen no one knew

Now Granny was a show off
She had a trick or two
We stood back just far enough
To see what she can do

Granny did a perfect front roll
In water never the less
When up she came it took a toll
She was in a great big mess

For Granny had no teth at all
She lost them with her trick
The grand kids laughed they had to crawl
While the adults were queasy and sick

Diving and diving we kept it up
We had to find those teeth
A Grand Kid using a discarded cup
Found those teeth in water beneath

Now as I walk that beach today
Those memories keep coming
Of the day that Granny lost her teeth
And the fun we had in sunning

True story. We love and miss Granny.
June 8th, 2013.


Details | Limerick | |

B Horror On a Beach Day.

Soon the curious swelled to a mob.
as they gathered to gape at the glob.
Someone prods with a stick.
as another screams: " Quick!"
"We must run for our lives! It's the Blob!"


Details | Couplet | |

A Summer Couplet

Waves are rolling kids laugh silly
Off my feet what fun oh dilly

For Andrea's Contest


Details | Free verse | |

KEEP YOU POSTED

KEEP YOU POSTED

Getting back on my feet again
Show me the end, show me the end
Give me a road to follow
I will throw you a passage or two

Get yourself right, get out my face
I need a new way, I need a new way
An easy way to start my day
All though I can't get enough of you 
There are times you are in my way

Our hearts don't beat as one
Call me a fool,
I set my foot down 
I keep you as my friends, no rules

Tomorrow will be another day
Do not give in to me
We are still both fish in the sea
Stuffy stuff, you got me at suffocate 
We do not relate
Still I love you

How else can this be fetched out
If I reel you in, sometimes I need you my friend
Stop putting yourself in doubt
This has no end

Don't get yourself all worked out
It will be me and you, a sweet walk on the beach
I see nothing wrong in deceiving you
I'm so funny, I'll have you sticking around like a leech

How many times do I have to push and shove
My feeling are troubled, but in love
Until then my love, 
I will keep you posted

By;PD


Details | Acrostic | |

BEACH BONANZA

Beaming sun upon my back
Establish my summer days
A beach, my boys, a blanket, and
Cold drinks, as I soak my rays
Hoping to darken my tan

Bronzing as the babies play
Lotioned head-to-toes
Applied Aveeno Baby, even to their nose
No frowns for the camera, 1-2-3, strike a pose.
Keen eye set on them, as the breeze gently blows
Easy and relaxed, my eyes begin to doze
Todd takes patrol, so I can repose & lay

Bestirred by buckets of water
Ice cold on sunkissed flesh
Now they're gonna get it good, I
Grab the cooler full of ice, and rush
Out in the sun, our time is spent the best

2011-06-30
~*Wandering*Butterfly*~
~Miranda Lambert~
Contest: Beach Blanket Bingo - Sweetheart


Details | Sonnet | |

The Present on the Beach

The May Bahama breezes rustled fronds of palm trees very common on the beach. And he, with an affinity for blondes, was drawn to one who seemed within his reach. Encompassed by white sand and azure sea, embraced by warming rays, she, sweet and thin, a present for his eyes now seemed to be, well-wrapped in golden tissue - smooth, young skin. The challenge often facing him was gone - no need to guess, by checking cleavage out, the looks of what he fondly gazed upon. Her luscious mangoes bared left him no doubt. Engaged in sport, he thanked his lucky star he’d packed binoculars to see so far! 7/31/12 For the Funny Poem Contest of craig cornish


Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read

Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!



Details | Rhyme | |

The Seagulls Commute

I commute down the highway quite early each morn-
South toward the seacoast, days work to be done.
Half way to the ocean, traveling north through the sky;
A large flock of sea gulls passes me by.

They to have their work load cut out for the day:
At the nearest big land-fill on their ravenous way.
Traveling ever far inland away from the sea-
They will spend the day scouring town dumps for debris.

The hours pass slowly: comes the end of the day,
I drive the same highway to my home far away.
I see in the distance flying back to the shore;
The same flock of seagulls, but hungry no more.

I can never help smile when I meet them again,
These feathered shoplifters, heading where I have been.
Life's very well ordered for these ‘foul’ of the sea,
Who each day earn a living, lifting smelly debris.


© 2015 Diane Lefebvre

Dusk finds them at shore line with short, squawk filled flights,
They will then disappear to where gulls go at night.
But with a new dawn; I will greet them once more:
On their way to those landfills, from their home at the shore.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Freckle Head Sam

I know a seagull named freckle head Sam,
 he plays on the beach in the hot sand.
Likes Wildwood and Cape May too,
 because there's always something to do.
Eats curly fries right from your hand,
 that dirty seagulll freckle head Sam.
Pretzels, popcorn, and ice cream too,
 he eats everything you know it's true.
So beware if your out on the beach,
 keep your food out of reach.
For freckle head Sam is always close by,
 ready to swoop down from the sky.

JSergi


Details | Couplet | |

On the Beach

Welcome to my house on the beach,
Where there are condos for $5 each

I, for one, am an interesting figure,
With my siamese fish who likes to paint pictures

And my single daughter Rosie,
Who's immune to posie

This place is somewhere with two sides,
You live your life first, and after you die.

I died at thirty-eight
From tripping down stairs just after I ate

Welcome to my house on the beach,
Come on inside and we can enjoy a peach!


Details | Limerick | |

Beach Beauty

My eyes nearly popped out of my head
On the beach she was tanned and spread
    Then a shadow appeared
    Oops, her husband i feared
I'm now looking at steaks instead





http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humor.php


Details | Free verse | |

Whale Beach Morning (After)

Sun,
Awakening,
Remembering, sex, sounds, Miles in the Sky,
Jaegermeister, O, bad, when, warm, why?

‘Tis apres ski! o me, o my, not for these hot antipodae.
No more, forever. Now, just, the
Surf
And I.

Thundering,
Thud-thudding,
Slow,
On the beach.

Serendip morning, perfect,
Palm-fronded, dawning, blue and silver, beige sand,
Sizzling, the sound, aroma!
Bacon and banana, coffee, toast,

Scrambled egg, red-hot chili, O ginger, garlic,
Tomatoes! Heal me!
Sometime, later, sorbet, maybe,
What? Champagne? Oh no, please, save me.

Then, leaning, her
Swimsuit, slipping,
Succulent, breast, almost, tipping, rudely, slow,
No. She flips it, back in, coolly…oh?

Beach. Hangover,
Burping, yawning, randy.
Sun, dazzling, the shades, cool, handy,
Oh yes, smile…the…(sleep?)

Razzling has made me lazy,
My poisoned brain, short-circuiting, crazy, I
Sip, hair of dog, ill-considered,
Breakfast, Bloody, Mary.

Surf, thuds, on. And my head,
Points, to the sea,
Swimming, turning, catching it,
Wanting cleaning, cleansing, clearing, body

Surfing? No, slowing, sucked back, rolling,
Sinuses swizzled, I,
Tumbled and twirled, am,
Dumped. By the first, little, shore-break, of the morning.

Then, slowly, recreated,
Finned, crawling and gasping like
The first air-breather, but
Back, on that vibrating beach,

I smile.


Details | Limerick | |

FUN AT THE BEACH

There's a ripped, good looking guy...
gals, don't assume he's quite and shy!
Watch how he models:
he flexes his muscles...
winking at ladies strolling by!


Details | Rhyme | |

On the Beach

To catch a crab if you need to know,
You have to go to the beach.
Take off your shoes and wiggle a toe,
But keep a stick within your reach.


Details | Haiku | |

The Beach

Sandy and calming
you get to run and explore
see hot guys all day


Details | Light Poetry | |

WATCHER BEACH WEAR

i lay day by day
watch them play
some lay in the sand
hand to hand
the skin  you can bear
i admit this
am a
WATCHR OF BEACH WEAR


Details | Quatrain | |

THE BEACH ENTERTAINER

Miles of broken, sunbaked seashells,
resembling pieces of porcelain of lesser value,
lying across a populous beach subdued by misty blue,
as hungry sea-gulls pounce the fiddler crabs..


The beach entertainer draws huge crowds;
singing funny songs and making comic skits
by spicing up his unique modus operandi,
and modestly mocking his modus vivendi...


He has never made lots of money,
but settles for dollar bills to earn their sympathy;
dressed in tight and colorful ministrel's attire,
he amuses the public with his monkey-shine...


And he pulls out his fiddler and the crowds go wild,
awakening, by its high-pitched sound, a dope fiend,
who has built a temporary shack threatened by the blowing sand;
He puts on his sunglasses and disappears in the groovy sunshine...



The beach entertainer follows him, leaving everyone behind, 
saying," Sorry, brother...I didn't mean to wake you up, the bum turns around with sad eyes
and exclaims, " Music doesn't fill an empty and aching belly...and cheer up a feeble mind! "
" Here's all I got...take it and get something to eat!" The beach entertainer whispers.

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci


Details | Pastoral | |

A DAY AT THE BEACH

It's summer, It's hot 
and I'm praying It won't rain
on my way to the beach
riding the F train
I get to Coney Island 
and from the boardwalk I see the sand
looking out towards the ocean
on the beach I now stand

a day at the beach
I can hardly wait
to sit under the rays of the sun
and play in the waves
I lay down my  blanket
and set-up my umbrella stand
I place my cooler of goodies
firmly in that sand
I slather on the sun blocker
for I need protection
I stand at the water's edge
at look down at my reflection

a day at the beach
frolicking in the ocean's waves
a memory form childhood
that I will treasure and save


Details | Rhyme | |

There's Jelly at the Beach

I’m gobs smacked; I thought I saw it all,
I said “Rub your eyes Sidney Hall.”
There’s jelly at the Beach,
There was lemon, orange, banana yellow, and my favourite peach.

So much jelly all in one place, 
I wonder how they could fit it in such a small space.
One thing I must say and I'm glad
To you when you hear it might sound bad

Here we go:  I’m really concerned 
For the freedom of these colourful bikinis is justifiable earned?
With oozing jelly bellies hanging over the sides
Some one please dab my watering eyes

Oh the chaffing and squeaking from their thongs
Sound like a bunch of strangled birds singing their last songs
One thing I must say for certain 
One bikini could make a duvet and a pair of curtains

Jelly bellies, hips and thighs 
This beats an optician’s test of the eyes
And when they bend over it happens so soon
A total eclipse of the sun and the moon

When they lay on the beach, the direction to run I don't know
For it's like a mudslide or a lava flow 
Well to some men this might be a terrible sight
To others the jelly at the beach is a beautiful sight

*Ok it's not quite jellyfish but I must admit*
*but there is loads of Jelly not a little bit*


Details | Dizain | |

Plotineads

ocean - a beautiful naked woman
a pseudo of her makeup
a smile that the soul drank

this indescribable face
these curves endlessly

she give birth the galaxy
she resuscitates the indefinite

is this my destiny
is she my desire

this absolute ecstasy


Details | Rhyme | |

Bikini Beach

A tempting treat for staring eyes She not knew what she did (yeah right) But on the beach, t’was no surprise I often stared and hid She had the cutest little face With a glow there in her eyes But what kept me so fascinated Was really no surprise For on the beach she wore The smallest white bikini I always ogled at her body And prayed she didn’t see me


Details | Free verse | |

Relaxing on the Beach

Oh, the taste of sweet mangoes 
While relaxing on a Caribbean beach.
Such a refreshing way to watch the sun 
Setting on the blue and calm horizon.

This sweet mango is such an appetizer 
Preparing the pallet for the main course.
Stimulating one’s stomach for a feast 
With visions of the coming dish, 
The main flavor of the day.


Oh, I like tasty mangoes 
The setting sun, and 
Caribbean beaches.