A vignette of domestic violence and the weird rationale of love amidst such
circumstances - adapted from how it was depicted to me by a female friend and
taken from her own personal experience.
I was defined china and porcelain,
Inlaid glass flowers and gently spoken;
Fragile in doe-eyed delicacy,
Pleading and begging not to be broken.
I loved him with total forgiveness,
Did not, could not, would not understand
The dark chaos mood of lability,
The spontaneous violence of his hand.
Blue and black bruises indecorously swelled
Question marks about tear brimmed eyes;
And I wept and despaired in confusion,
Smashed and grabbed by wherefores and whys.
How could he dream to hurt me so,
The brutish malediction of his touch?
How could he stand to hurt me so,
When he knew I loved him so much?
And now the years have drained away
Like sweeping veils of rain;
The agony of our breaking apart
Ever haunts me with anguish and pain.
I still see him some times,
Rarely, truly out of the blue,
On the old territory of familiar streets
When unconsciously passing through.
And always shook by the stalking truth,
A lancing bright-bladed knife,
And with dogmatic aching my heart lets me know
He was always the love of my life.
And I know there's no sense to be had
When I look to the heavens above,
Just the sad and lonely heart of the matter:
You never can choose whom to love.
Elegy to Child Lost
Passion's love oft tempts despair
Casts a prideful cosmic dare--
Like Prizing Joy's most intimate caress
Babe snug beneath a mother's breast
Senses at this time are keen
There's no secret kept between
Loving mother, wriggling babe--
Wanted , dreamed of, much delayed
But entwined twin was also loved--
Some say Nature's method proves
That one twin may give all to mate---
But this fatal sacrifice must decimate.
Only mother's eyes would feel babe's smiles--
or sense those legs that wandered miles
And daring feet that danced in tunes while
Arms swam in gentle Celtic croons.
When babe vanished--not a sound.
Mother 's grief was not allowed.
Tempted so to trail behind
Escaping shattered troubled mind.
Squelching sorrow's hungry arms
She Tried erase babe's fluttering charms
Never spoke of-- never mourned.
By her husband she was warned
Was best forget a child so early lost--
Funerals, gravestones--such a cost--
But the years have called babe near,
Mother's journal writ in tears:
'Please forgive my selfish heart.
Repressed from all --this tragic part
I felt your sacrificial act--
You left your cherished twin intact'.
There is no law of random acts
Doctors examine data facts
It may be --that in the womb
When both spring flowers cannot bloom
One bold twin refrains to eat
Compels the other to complete
Hardy growth that life requires---
Sparks survival's crucial hours.
Not an accident 'tis sure--
Boldest spirits blossom pure.
Victoria Anderson-Throop ©
You have my soul, but you have your fate
Whatever your words, I’m willing to take
You have my word; I’ll give you my breath
It’s like a chain that would never be break
You are my love with all my heart,
I’ll fight for you with all my might.
And in the way, you admire your goals,
You hold my hands, but not so close.
As you go to your chosen path,
I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart.
In the dark side, I leave behind
Within my faith, that you’ll arise
Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still
I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near
I accept my fate for what it does,
I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was?
You reach your goals, as you want to have,
Would you remind the man that gave what he had?
As you reach the stars, and be the one
Be a sun that shines its own.
After the rain, the rainbow comes,
Like dark in the moon, when the light flash
A glimpse from you at least a short
For then I knew my pain is worth.
Do tell me!
When he is out on a
I will leave in twilight
And reach there
In late night.
We will hurried and
Deep and long kisses
In damp moonlight
Of the early spring.
Then as an ancient
I will run holding
hard to my chest
Your body of gold
Stumbling with the
Climbing the fences
Jumping over the
thorns and shrubs
To the remote
By the dense forest.
And as an ape-man
had picked a
And held her as his
woman for some six
We will sex whole
days in the den
And in the nights
In the bushy pasture.
I will pull your brown
curly hair doggy
And slap your thick
And, you will moan in
gratification loud and
As a witch in a wild
place practicing craft
Or a whale in sea at
I was born in a world of poverty and soiled life of a third world country
The way I lived till I was five years of age was walls of boundary
These walls had towers of guards that had no heart or care
If a child would try to climb the wall they lose their life I swear
Father had drank and threatened my mother with a knife
My father lost his job and wife and that was the hardship of life
He stopped my mother from taking off with me in her arm
Hoping that my father would ignore and left me be with no harm
When my father went off to drink one night and came home with rage
My brothers stood by my crib and took a beating that set up the next stage
My father had woken up to three scared children half starved and in pain
His final words as he walk away from the orphanage gate live life do not go insane
I was still a baby in the orphanage; the caretakers did not really care about the babies
They stole items and materials those wicked men and maternal evil ladies
They starved all the babies because it cost a lot to keep them alive
As a child of that age I could feel the sins and greed that gave out bad vibes
I was ignorant about what I drank and ate, as I see white maggots move in my bottle
As I see them move I thought about how they were playing and some were hostel
They ate each other to keep each other alive in a manner that took me by surprise
In the back round I hear others throwing things with sounds of painful cries
I got very strong at a young age I was able to start pulling myself up over the cage
My feelings were to see my brothers with strong lungs that I cried out of rage
My two brothers came to see me and sneak food into my crib
The caretaker would find the food in my hands as they grabbed it and hit me on my ribs
As painful as it was I kept eating the food with blood in my mouth as it was instinct
I sometimes laid in my crib dazed and confused with smell of death so distinct
With all my might I kept myself strong and climb the small wall
I finally was old enough to get out of the building and I could hear my brothers call
With tears of joy with short legs that ran as fast as my heart
I ran to my brothers arms and held their hands to have a new start
I grew stronger everyday but more things came into my life in a manner of dismay
If my brothers stay by my side I could smile and everyday their would be okay
Your words are like stones
Whether skipped or thrown
They fly alone
Bruising and breaking deeper than bones
Yet pain from these stones will never be shown.
Whether near or far
She'll faithfully wait
Till the unknown date
When those stones are kind and lost of hate
You make mistakes
Yes she can relate
But what if the pain becomes to great
Whe the kindness comes too late
Such small pieces of her heart
whats left to make
She gave to much
Now there's none to take
Just one everlasting ache
That your stones did create
They say you can never retake
A women's heart once it breaks
So next time withhold the quake
Your stones with take
And keep this lesson
As a dear keepsake.
<3 Kalee Lynn
A woman walked up to me asking, “Is there anything I could do for my black eye?” I stood there for a moment, “Well…” There wasn’t much that I could tell her to do besides letting it heal knowing that time is and forever will be against us and pain just slows the process.
She stated,” It has me feeling…” I was puzzled looking into her eyes, I asked,” Feeling what?” Noticing a black line under her left eye and the right slightly bruised.
She continued, “I’ve chosen certain things in my life and I don’t understand why, crying doesn’t help my heart from hurting. Unable to remove scars you know, from my heart. The pain to real sometimes and I’m blinded, look at my eyes. Scared by tears and a hand that I once kissed. My protector, the man I thought that shown genuine love, turned on me and without second thoughts. As he hit me…I played back the moments in which he said he loved me, kissing me daily telling me how much he misses me. Love made gave us a beautiful daughter in which I can’t explain to her when she asks, “Where daddy?” I have no more fear because it’s passed that, I’m broken. Make up and shades does not cover how he made me feel with his hands around my neck, and I still can’t tell you what I’ve done wrong besides loving him. Was it enough? Verbal aggression rose to another level because I took it for years, because you know what they say about love?”
She paused, shaking her head…” So my black eyes, bruised skin and broken heart, what can I do?”
I stated,” Time…” As she walked away.
When chaos brings civilization to its knees
From world wide pandemic critical disease
Or when a tsunami consumes everything beyond the shores
Swallowing the landscape and changing life as we know
Earthquakes shake the very foundation of this world
Or an astroid penetrates the cradle of birth
Bring us back to the primitive unleashing the truth
From the umbilical chord we are more ferocious than rabid wolves
And we will kill fellow man just to survive
Or just for the desire of taking ones life
What is compassion but a dead corpse on the road
Adrenalized by fear no time for sorrows
No need to worry about a world war zombie apocalypse
We're already flesh eating monsters wearing dead skin
Most people panic when they lose internet or their lights
Autonomy is just a word most people can no longer define
And your money isnt worth *****so forget trying to buy
Your way out of cleansing while you run out of time
So learn to die well and hold your loved ones real tight
As you pray that your death will let you ascend to new heights
Beans, bullets, and bandaids are all that I'll need
To keep population zero from taking over me
**** being hopeful could we really be so naive
To think that in these days we could some how find peace
When our mother earth gets restless and releases all of her worst
The only thing more destructive is our human nature
When the silence of Violence is here; we know that God is near. Everyone’s fear will disappear; When we find the love that God hold’s dear. He touched the world with his heart; Now it’s time for a new start. Let the Silence of violence stand so that we can protect our land. Thank God that we are finally here to share the love that God holds dear. Lets bring back the hope that God believes in the most. With Peace in the world we would all be priceless pearls. Lets love not fight; Lets show our children how God can make everything alright. Love thy neighbor and thy friend, we will all be blessed in thee end. Violence free is what I want the world to be. Violence free will start a New History. If we lead by example our children will be the perfect sample; Of what life could be if our world is Violence Free. So let’s Silence The Violence for a PEACEFUL ENVIROMENT and let’s Silence The Violence for God’s SPIRITUAL GUIDENCE. Bless our City for we need GOD not GUNS. God Bless our City for we have Won. VICTORY OVER VIOLENCE is what I see for a happy and SAFE COMMUNITY.
“You’re brave, you know
…staying here with me in this brightly lit world
full of people with dark hearts.”
"I don’t know if I’m brave."
" but I’m not scared of dying either,
because I never felt alive until I found you
…and the only reason this place is bright, is because of you.”
“The bombs flash, and light up my eyes, and you look into them deeper,
because we’re afraid. We’re clinging to life; using each other. Aren’t we?”
"I am using you. I’m using your eyes as beacons, to find my way back to camp, your heart to calm the rhythm of my own; and find sleep in the chilling silence of my brother’s screams. He’s still out there, you know? His eyes were still open when we ran, I can’t believe I left him. I can’t believe he’s gone.."
"You didn’t leave him, they took him. You would never leave anyone. You never left me, even when I told you to. Begged you not to follow me here…This wasn’t even your, nor your brother’s war."
"Your war, is my war Angel…and my brother, he fell for the cause, or maybe he just wanted to protect me. I should have protected him!!"
"Listen to my heart Samuel, feel it. We’re alive. We’re together. Tonight, we have won."
-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.