Silence the smoke shadows on the wall,
If I knew the future, this failure I would recall.
Too stoned and strung out to survive,
Seventeen, with a father still alive.
That was a Christmas, the last one we had,
Sister, brother, and me with our dad.
I would have wrapped the presents just to see,
A smile, a laughter, extend a precious moment of glee.
But it was to quick and too short, that time,
Work beckoned, life did not stop on a dime.
Too selfish to care, my age was fresh as cream.
Had to make money, so I could live the dream.
Off to the store, forgotten the Christmas spirit.
There was pain in the silence, I didn't hear it.
Now regrets and empty chairs fill the holiday,
I'd love harder and stronger, words we need to say.
The scene in the snow globe keeps changing,
The wisdom of this poets heart is aging.
Tip this cup and cheers one for the memory,
and one day the past will stop haunting me.
For Contest: Christmas Past, Present or Future
Date: January 7, 2015
Love is a season.
And holidays mark the seasons, and years like signs in the road,
reflecting the bumps in our journey, but showing us a way back home.
Sixteen, in pajamas, watching the rain pelt down,
it was long past midnight, Christmas eve.
Twinkling lights on one house across the road, stared back at me.
It was if they were trying to fill our dark house with color.
The block was filled with a hundred lighted windows.
But the blackness of our own, somehow, seemed more appropriate.
There was no Christmas tree in our house that year.
I suppose Dad felt it was too soon, or perhaps just the effort to get through each day
had taken all the strength he had.
We had stayed up and watched a Christmas program together.
Perry Como, I think it was, for I think I remember he sang "Ava Maria", and Dad got teary eyed.
My brother had come home from the Air Force earlier that week,
trying to help bring us a bit of cheer,....at least, for awhile,
but he had been called back to duty, and I missed him terribly.
The house was silent after Dad had gone to bed.
I wasn't sleepy,....and it was lonely looking out at the cold night
It seemed the whole world was sleeping, waiting for Christmas.
As I finally headed for bed, I noticed a light had been left on in the front coat closet.
I opened the door, and looking up, to pull the chain, I noticed the box.
The shoe box that had kept the sugar cube house, safe, dry, and out of harm's way.
A sugar cube house that Mom and I had made together when I was 8 years old.
Little sugar cubes stacked into walls, and a roof, glued together with red frosting.
We had copied one out of her Good Housekeeping magazine that year,
and had surrounded it with little trees, and a oval mirror pond, and items we had found at the 5 and 10 cent store. She had carefully packed it all away last year.
After her last Christmas.
Late into the night, I sat in the dimness of the house, laying out the sugary scene on the fireplace mantel....just as Mom would have done.
When the freckled morning moved into day...I woke on the sofa...Dad sitting next to me. He had covered me with a warm blanket, and had fallen asleep beside me.
After breakfast....he disappeared outside, and soon came in carrying a sorry looking branch from our old evergreen tree.
We decorated that bedraggled branch...it wasn't the most beautiful tree we had ever had, but it brought Christmas back to my family.
For Deb's Contest: A Christmas Tale
(Inspired by "The Match Girl" By H.C. Anderson
I do not know?
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Your daddy is so very far away
“Bring my daddy safely home”
These are the words you pray
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Daddy is away at the war
“Bring my daddy safely home
Bring him safely to our door”
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
How she misses daddy far away
How sad she is, he won’t be home
To be with them on Christmas day
At Sunday school she made a christingle
She took an orange to represent the world.
And to symbolize the blood Christ shed
She took the red ribbon from her curls
Then she decorated four tooth picks
With fruits and sweets and marshmallows
These she placed in the four corners
To represented all the earthly souls
Then finally in the centre of the orange
She stood a single candle of purest white
And when lit, the candle represented
The world filled with Christ’s loving light
The sweet little Christingle girl
Took it home with her that day
And stood it in the window
So daddy would find his way
And the sweet little Christingle girl
With her daddy so very far away
Knew that when he did come home
That would be their Christmas day
I do not know?
It's Christmas! Christmas!
That time of year
When people are filled...
With holiday cheer?
Yeah right. . .
I really do wish it were true
But people are people
Through and through
It's not about happiness anymore
Or in respect to what matters.
In reality it concerns what you get
And the food that is piled on the platters.
What has happened to the world of today?
Where is the 'loving and giving...'?
Now it is all just me, me, me.
Is this a nightmare? Or are we actually living.
Yep we might have a lot of things
Hang on! Let's add some more
It isn't the family that I'm expecting
But the postman knocking at the door.
When the topic turns to Christmas cheer
Lets go stuff our faces...
Break out all that lovely beer!
Chuck away those graces!
But... Suddenly the month is over
There go all the gifts you gave
Your debt payments crawl closer and closer
And you become a material slave.
"Pink Pink Pink"
Cathy and I were fair feathered friends
two femme fatales with similar blends
lying on white beach, absorbing Sun rays
as our kids built sand castles on warm Summer days.
every evening we strolled on the Boardwalk for fun
her cutsy twin daughters; my rammy five sons
as soft breezes laced sundresses of pink
we sipped on refreshing snow cones icy drinks.
after the children were snuggled in their beds
with visions of dreams dancing in little heads
Cathy and I sat 'neath moonlight on wooden deck
suddenly she was sobbing as tears streamed down her neck.
quickly to comfort her emotions so strong
I instantly inquired, "what happened? what's wrong?
she received her report from yearly breast exam
diagnosis stated bluntly from recent mammogram.
this petite little lady was so frightened inside
a worried single Mother for her daughters, if she died,
so we laced up our sneakers and walked for the cure
she began her kemo and for three years endured.
Cathy constantly smiled and would not be defeated
her race for life would soon be completed
remission occured and all took a deep breath
a shining example for a quality quest.
then one cold Winter morning she felt intense pain
her heart beating fast, she collapsed in vain
she was so brave when the news was so bleak
in the hospital room we all started to weep.
though the cancer returned Cathy was in peace
her first grandson was due to be born Christmas week
she never relinquished her positive vibes
with great inner strength she vowed to stay alive.
to hold her new bundle of joy in her arms
her last wish was granted for her bracelet of charms
Cathy closed her eyes one snowy Christmas Eve
baby Dante born early for she so believed.
each Christmas we hang pink ribbons on the tree
and sing her favorite caroles out loud and with glee
her spirit lives on and her courage, we remember
a celebration for Cathy every festive December.
*For P.D.'s Contest.
*A true story of my best friend, Catherine Villari Litton.
Christmas day is coming soon
I can hear the little drummer boys beat
As I sleep under a stack of newspapers
At my home here on the street
I have no shade from the summer heat
No shelter from a spring storm
When autumn and winter roll around
I have no blanket to keep me warm
I have no one to talk to
No doctor to keep me well
My life is like the seventh circle
Of an everlasting hell
I have no feast on Thanksgiving
On my birthday, I have no cake
Most nights as I sleep in my concrete bed
I pray and hope I won't wake
I think about the man I used to be
The one that died so long ago
Now all that's left is this scruffy, filthy creature
Who I don't even know
Now that Christmas is here again
I pray to the good Lord above
For a gift that most don't appreciate
Filled with lots of happiness and love
I'm not talking about material things
I can get by without any of that
All I want is a house and a family
Complete with a dog and a cat
I wish every single Christmas season
That my dear, sweet Lord would send me
A beautiful family with warm, smiling faces
Sipping hot chocolate around a Christmas tree
We would have a most amazing feast
A rack of lamb tied up with a bow
Then we would all get bundled up
And go caroling in the snow
Oh, how glorious that would be
To have a family and a few friends
To have people who love me
Even after this life ends
God please hear my prayers
And answer them if you can
Just grant one simple Christmas wish
To this old homeless man
Can’t think about the Year that didn’t last
Can’t fight the time and how it passed so fast…
Voices were cheerful that night
Everyone was full of silver light
I heard the sounds but didn’t care
I couldn’t help but only think and stare…
I dreamed of love that possibly I’ll never share
And of life that was just like a fairytale.
In that second of complete despair
I saw the moon and realized it was all a dare
Then your voice whispered in my ear
Promising me all I needed to hear…
The church brightly lit,
I stand in the falling snow,
recalling Christmas . . .
As the snow kisses my hair,
weeping, I must turn away.
December 3, 2013
For the contest, Not So Happy Holidays, Andrea Dietrich
Daddy left Mommy, when I was two
She really didn't know what to do
Four little children under the age of six
Was a situation, she just could not fix
Christmas was coming, she didn't have a dime
The bills were piling up at the same time
She tried to focus on her belief,
Lost the battle and applied for relief
A county program, for the very poor
Barely kept the collectors from our door
So sad she was, by her lack of funds,
She couldn't buy presents, for her little ones
With grandma watching us, she left to go out
She never came home, we were forgot about
I was too young to remember Christmas that year,
It was years, before the whole story, I'd hear
Grandma tried hard to make it right,
She took care of us until Mom returned, one night
Branded in my memory, the day of her return
After nine long months, I would later learn
Mom never mentioned the time she was away
She loved us to the fullest every single day
Twenty-four years quickly flew by
When I think of the day it happened, I cry
God took my mother on the ninth of December
Unexpected, a loss I'll always remember
Going through her belongings, we came across.
A small newspaper article, that intensified the loss
How we found it I will never know
This plea, with a picture, from so long ago
As I read the article, blurred by my tears
I was transported back, through the years
To a little girl on grandma's knee
Looking at a shabby, Christmas Tree
Crying for her mommy, who wasn't there
While grandma patted her silky hair
Grief, it hit me, no time to hesitate
When I saw the significance of the date
December ninth, the paper, said it all
Memory upon memory, I would recall
Two events, so many years apart
Yet, I could feel the child with a broken heart
Holiday Spirit, sad to say, I had none
Decorating that year without the usual fun
Mommies little tree, on a table it sat
Her homemade ornaments, and a tree mat
Going through the motions, I have to admit
All I wanted to do, was quit
Events don't shape us, they make us learn
Even grief, has its turn
Memories of a Christmas, thirty years past
Impressions, they fade, but still last
By Karla Null~Godsgift~
Your "Saddest" Christmas Ever Contest
Sponsored by Constance LaFrance~A Rambling Poet~
Many Christmas stories are told every year,
and many songs are sung with pure cheer;
do I have a good story, at least one, I can tell,
or a simple song I can hum and spread good will?
When Lisa's grandmother passed away unexpectedly...
by her dying bed she kept an ivory music box,
and to her lovely granddaughter she gave it
to saying," Take care of it, and smile when you think of me!"
The day after granny died, she went down the dark cellar
to hide the ivory music box in an old dresser's drawer,
and once in a while she would open it and play it and listen to it sadly;
the pretty angel swirled...and Silent Night played as Lisa touched it tenderly.
It was almost Christmas Day and the pine tree wasn't decorated yet,
she rushed outside carrying a red basket with ornaments in it;
how could she had forgotten to adorn it with bulbs and garlands?
" Oh gosh, I feel like the Grinch!" she displeasingly uttered to herself.
There was no snow predicted for that evening and the illuminated town
was lacking Nature's magical snowflakes to make it festive and vibrant;
five minutes to midnight the choir from the nearest church gathered outside,
and waited for a miracle...silence...tranquility...every heart felt so alone.
But Lisa with an indomitable spirit ordered them to sing,
and they began singing looking up the clearest, starriest sky;
everyone seemed sad and some of them wanted to cry,
but before sadness set in...snowflakes began falling.
Lisa knew that it was the miracle she had been waiting for,
but something was missing from the snowy scenery...
she remembered her ivory music box she had put away,
and running, with awe in her bright eyes, she opened the cellar's door...
Clutched in her caring, careful hands, she carried the ivory music box,
laid it gently underneath the twinkling, scented Christmas Tree;
Lisa kissed it tenderly...until the golden angel started to swirl at midnight,
as that divine music filled the nippy air...making all cheeks so peachy.
Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci
I'm locking up my house, because it's that time for thieves.
I need to Santa proof my place, because It's Christmas Eve.
If he does get in, I'm going to run and hide.
I left out some milk and cookies with rat pellets inside.
While he's eating the cookies and he's starting to sweat.
The reindeer will be caught in security nets.
"I'm sorry boys and girls, but Santa has to retire!"
I'm going to tie him to the tree and set poor Santa on fire.
Then I'm going to take the toys and keep them all to myself.
Even though I've been bad, no coals will be on my shelf.
Merry Christmas to me! This year is going to be grand!
I'll get whatever I want, if Christmas goes as I planned!
Wearing Santa Claus' suite I'll get in houses without keys.
In twenty seven minutes I'll rob twenty seven trees!
So all you little brats, don't you cry and sob.
With the recession and depression, I just needed a job.
A lot of things are going to change, but you all shouldn't be sad.
Now that I'm the new Santa, It doesn't matter who's bad.
I'll use the elves as my slaves and the toys will still come.
Instead of a Nintendo, you'll get a gallon of rum.
Toy guns are for babies, how about the real thing?
A candy neckless won't impress, I'll make sure that it's bling.
You said you wanted a pony? How about a deer that can fly?
No more lousy presents, no more socks, or bad ties.
Wait... Wait a minute... Was that all just a dream?
Why do I only have coal under the tree and in my stocking?
Santa please come back! I promse I'll be better next year!
I promise I'll be good and I'll spred more Christmas cheer!
Did Santa Claus come back? Did he come like I thought he should?
No Santa didn't, but next year I'll be good!
I'll only do what is right, aleast to his satisfaction.
So he comes back to my house, and my plan goes back into action!
Is it Christmas everywhere?
Christmas parties and stuffed teddy bears.
Songs of merry Christmas delight.
Snow covered rooftops glowing at night.
Gifts of sparkling diamond rings.
Christmas memories and special things.
Holiday feasts and decorated doors.
Chocolate covered cherries, Oh! Give me more.
Trips to the mall to buy gifts galore.
Paying with plastic I depleted my stash.
Let us make a loan I need more cash.
Is it Christmas everywhere?
Are you sure without a doubt?
Because some poor child this Christmas will be without.
Give hope and love.
Give prayers and faith.
For those lonesome people on this Christmas day.
Is it Christmas eerywhere?
With war overseas?
People dying and starving,
and no shoes to cover their feet.
Is it Christmas everywhere, with so much poverty?
Families who go hungry, with nothing much to eat.
What about the homeless and natural disaster stricken lands?
It would make this Christmas merry for the wealthy to lend a hand.
With death and crying, and cold and mourning,
an unfortunate road to a path with no glory.
Oh! What a very sad Christmas story.
My home is my castle that shelters me,
but don't forget the homeless that beg on the street.
So, make this Christmas merry if you're able to give.
Share your heart with someone and allow them to live.
The best Christmas will be without a doubt,
God will bless you for giving to those who are without.
Hush...Santa Is Coming…
Christmas Eve...nineteen forty-three
I was four years old...
Christmas Eve...Santa is coming!
The fresh-cut tree glistens with bubble lights,
Real tinsel, pretty glass balls…not much else...
Mommy said Santa was coming
To visit me...I was so good all year...
He is making a special trip...
Tonight...before I go to bed...
He will be here!
My heart is so happy...Santa...coming to
See me and my infant baby brother!
I am in my bedroom...
From my room I see the door, ajar,
At my parent’s bedroom across the hall...
My uncle is there! My Mommy and Daddy too...
I didn’t see him come in our house!
He puts on some red clothing with white fur...
Then white hair...beard...black belt…boots...cap...
Santa is here...
But...he really isn’t here...
My heart sinks...I am only four...
But I remember
That sadness that crushed my heart.
But Mommy and Daddy are so happy!
Santa is here to see me, their good little girl!
This is their special surprise for me!
How can I hurt them...tell them that now I
Know...there is no real Santa?
Mommy and Daddy are so happy for me...
Santa is here.
For many years...I played the game...
Santa is coming...
Santa came and left those presents for me...
In those years, children believed
The Santa story way longer than today.
I played the game...
Santa is coming!
Time to hush...stay silent...
I never let on to my brother, my cousins,
My Mom and Dad,
My grandparents, my aunts and uncles...
I carried the burden...
That special time of my childhood...
Ended much too soon...not their fault...
Just a door accidentally left ajar
To reveal the crushing untruth.
© Sandra M. Haight 2014
All Rights Reserved
I do not know?
Fallen snow will remind of me/ it is snowing ...
Slowly as in the dream/
Boy word-beads/ with signs on his spine/
He kisses fine/
Your eyelids /
And it snows ... It snows /so slow/
It does/ and you're thinking of me/
'Coz it's warm/ it's better to stay in warmth/
Waiting for summer dim/
It is snowing/ slowly like in the dream/
Flakes/ go round/ playing the music theme/
You've been looking for rescue/
You searched in wine/
But it's in me/
all the rescues are mine/
It is snowing/ the snow is fluffy and white/
If you see darkness/ I'm deaf and blind/
there's the cast of time/ on the arm/
But I discern the light/
Dreams/ upon your eyelids tips/
Prepare you for winter drowse/
And it snows/
Fallen snow/ will remind of spring /
it will crumble and crackle in vain/
It will snow / fluffy /white/ and slow/
And you'll become whole/
Recession made Christmas harder than ever before
Family’s splitting – money the core
Dad’s leaving to live on the street
So that young hungry mouths are able to eat
That some extra cash might be in the house
and children might learn what Christmas is about?
But without Dad gone, roof would be lost
for the bills are much higher – we can’t meet the cost
No longer can the average family budget
2009, jobs lost, even working struggle to afford it
Commercialism needs to stop building hopes and dreams
Childern don’t understand you are busting at the seams
Disappointment reigns as kids outside taunt and tease
No longer we fit in we’re all on our knees
Sinking. Even love has fallen apart
We don’t want this Christmas just haven’t the heart!
Expectation lower, depressions set in
Politicians not helping the hole we’re all in
Instead raising taxes they’ll crucify more
and this miserable life could be at your door
Will someone tell them that family should be together
sharing love, life, hopes dreams whatever they weather
Tarny was a little bear
A teddy bear he be
Coat was as white as snow
To this we all agree
Tarny was a Christmas gift
Given to a lady fair
Was sent by her Tarnished Knight
How she wished that he was there
Tarny wore a little coat
Where pinned upon his sleeve
A note from her Tarnished Knight
Said "will you read me please "
"Sorry I can't be with you
On this Christmas day
I know its very hard for you
That I'm so far away"
"So I am sending Tarny
For you to now embrace
I will be there very soon
Then I will take his place"
"Tarny has a special gift
He'll make your dreams come true
Just close your eyes and make a wish
You will see what he can do"
Tears now flowed from her eyes
Squeezing Tarny oh so tight
Closed her eyes and made wish
To dream of the Tarnished one tonight
That was some time ago
In another Christmas past
Once there was hopes and dreams
Somehow they didn't last
Tarny now is put away
Never sees the light of day
Shares a space with odds and ends
In box of " things to give away"
Fleece once of snow flake white
Now has stains of crimson red
Came from a broken heart
Oh! how Tarny bled
So if you find a little bear
Slightly stained in red
May not be a teddy
But this Tarnished Knight instead
Candy cane walls melt beneath the summer sun.
Gingerbread men stand in a stale salute.
Days of laughter have slowly come and gone.
With out batteries the fireman's truck is mute.
Stocking that were hung with care are forgotten.
Wrapping paper yellows and crinkles with age.
No one really counts on how long it has been.
In the novel of life, this holiday is just another page.
Glittering strings on the evergreen tree don't shine
In the darkness no light reflects their duty
Glass ornaments cracks under pressure one at a time.
Dust coated pine needles create a desperate floor of beauty.
No more Christmas in a broken home, no longer cheer.
In September still no sign of hope and forgiveness.
This loving season will not come in December this year.
Once again there will be no one to clean up the mess.
The locks have been locked, lonely is the teddy bear.
Milk sours in a tall glass beside a plate of cookie crumbs,
The baby doll on the rocking chair has a cold stare.
The wrapped guitar will never have its cords strummed.
Feeling like a photograph, unwanted and forgotten.
There was joy once upon a time, I wish I could remember when.
Yes the Catheolic's will have their day, so do the Protestent and the Baptish and also
the Christian's are all subject to see sad day's. Yes-yes happiness is an adjective de-
scribing a feeling that becomes seen on the faces of all that celebrate Christmas in
their own way. In their own way, face's tend to hide just what is going on in their lives
as pain or some tragedy has happen, and now all the commercialism of this particu-
lar day (Christmas) is more convind and the more serious picture is doctrinated in their
minds. Some mother's on this day may find it hard, a child is gone and somewhere even
walking thru the crowded malls, there's still an emptiness that the pagentry of the holi-
day's doesn't miss the heartache or a good gesture of kindness want replace.
The story tells us in our bible that he's the sacrificial lamb of life that shall die for the
sinner's you and I and even the great new's of the Messiah, born in Bethlehem can not
stop the flow of tears when the Catheolic's, Protestent, Baptish and all the many different
religious folks realize they had killed the son of God. "Sad day's of Christmas, Jesus you
are that gift that bring's gladness of everlasting to the real reason this mad-mad world of
envious and child-molesters and all kinds of truculent people's that have turn your birth-
day to a day that they tried to implicate into the wicketness of their own sickness". So
Mom's and Dad's this Christmas season if for whatever reason you are sad this day, rem-
ember Jesus loves you and from the richness of Heaven did he come, he comes to reunite
from the seperation. Mankind he tells-us, "I am the truth and the light, no man can come
to the father, less he come through Me". With every tear-drop there is prayer, and with
every sad moment, he's the atonement of joy and with hug's and kisses, "he is the Lamb
My Daddy killed in action
In a faraway land
Now its just Mommy and me
No Merry Christmas this year
Entry for Andrea Dietrich's "Not So Happy Holidays" Contest
Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
I am looking through the window
Watching people under the snow
Some are with family, cooking and eating
Some are in the street, walking and shopping
Some are at home cleaning and decorating
Some are with friends packing and traveling
Everything seems fine
but when I look again …
Some are hungry, looking for food
Some are homeless, shivering in the cold
Some are lonely, sitting with sadness
Some are in pain, mourning for a loss
Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
I am thinking to myself
Is this the world we promised to build?
What happened to our world?
What happened to us?
What is going on?
Did we forget our promises?
We promised to NOTICE
We promised to ADJUST
We promised to PROTECT
Then why so much RAVAGE?
We promised to CARE
We promised to CARESS
We promised to FEED
Then why so much HUNGER?
We promised to RECEIVE
We promised to RELIEVE
We promised to FORGIVE
Then why so much REVENGE?
We promised to RESPECT
We promised to APPRECIATE
We promised to LOVE
Then why so much HATRED?
We promised to COMMUNICATE
We promised to COMPREHEND
We promised to CONNECT
Then why so much DISUNITY?
Another Christmas is coming
A new year will begin
How is it going to end?
What to promise again?
Christmas, my Christmas!
The tree is all set up
The lights are all bright
Yuletide bells ringing
Christmas music is singing
Colorful wreath adorns the doorway
A sprig of mistletoe atop the door frame
Christmas flowers are everywhere
A beautiful red velvety site!
The mountains are snow glad
Leaves of trees are Christmas humming
Gifts are all embellished with laces and ribbons
Food is still warm, untouched
till the Christmas candles wear out
Now done with the hustle and bustle,
the waiting has begun
And I cry,
Christmas, my Christmas!
Where are you all these years?
If the doctor gave you a month to live
Could you keep that to your self?
Could you swallow your fear for thirty days
And keep your secret stealth
"You could possibly make it through Christmas", he said
"If there's chemo in your veins"
So she silenty took the treatment, once more
And still she never complains
She'd been in remission for seven years
But again it started to grow
Her children knew that the cancer returned
But her secret, they didn't know
She would only tell her brother the news
And he swore he wouldn't tell
So Christmas finally came and went
But it was to be their last Noel
Then on the tenth day of January
She took her secret to her grave
After she died her children were told
Of this sacrifice she gave
She wanted this Christmas to be the best
A Christmas like no other
For she didn't want her kids to be sad
This woman was my mother
The lights are flicker
Somewhere in this world tonight
Angels sings carol
A sad Christmas song was play
In a silent of the stars
Tears began to fall
Looking out into the space
The memories of you
Are still picture on my mind
Your smile and eyes shows that cares
So, now it’s Christmas
Christmas carol sounds so sad
That plays in my heart
I know you are in heaven
Watching me in your silent
December 28, 2013
BY : Cheryl Aldea
I do not know?
As christmas mounts decembers passing
we huddle in your absence.
Our eyes earthbound in aversion
of the stinging words etched upon the marble.
A solitary magpie skipping over the crystallised blades
highlights my purpose at your graveside.
Your first christmas misspent in the depths of the earths
are my thoughts as my eyes thaw the ground beneath.
I do not know?
Late at night, my eyes are burning
as I try not to cry.
I hold my breath and wonder
why you had to die.
I try so hard to fight the tears
as I lay around and dream.
Memories of younger years...
I choke instead of scream.
You battled many problems
and overcame many things...
and you were only a child,
No, an angel without wings.
You never had the most attention,
but you never seemed to complain.
But suddenly everyone’s in tears,
just whispering your name.
You won't get to live the life
you very much deserved.
No job, no kids, just shattered dreams
because you've left this earth.
You were only sixteen.
Its not right that you're gone.
Your heart quit beating,
but didn't quit loving.
Your spirit will live on.
My heavy heart is filled with regret.
I didn't say I love you, or goodbye.
And with memories I'll never forget,
you taught me how to fly.
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time,
if only for a day.
After all, God answers prayers,
but this one is thrown away.
My vision is blurred with tears,
I miss you so bad.
But I close my eyes and see you clear
and don't feel quite as sad.
Pretty soon I'll be grown up
but you'll still be sixteen.
but like you said,
God has a plan,
and in the end I'll see.
Jeramiah Jay Cook, my cousin, "buba" and friend passed away Christmas of 2004 at a party.
Rumors fly about what it really was. Alcohol, pills.. it had only been 2 months since his own
mothers death (mine had died in 96') and so he got his Christmas wish.. to spend it with his
Mom. He has been having a really hard time with with substance abuse, but it was far from
what I expected when my Aunt called Christmas morning.. Someone I had always looked up
to, and grown up with.
dressin' turned out fine
gotta stop thinkin'
gonna loose my mind.
Presents neath the tree
that boy is one big smile.
Ain't gonna start cryin
hold on for awhile.
God I miss you honey
each and every day.
Christimas time don't make no sense
since you gone to stay.
Sure miss you carvin'
that laughter filled with glee.
Can't get no Christmas spirit
when you ain't with me.
May the Lord bless you
keep you safe and sound
We just havin' Christmas
done here on the ground.
Happy Birthday Jesus
take care o' my ol' man
and we'll be doin' your party
just the best we can.
Merry Christmas darlin'
where ever you may be ....
"Whatcha got there boy?
A present for me ...... "
It was Christmas Eve; I was a prisoner of my own divide.
Lost in mind, clad in drunken sadness, caged up inside.
Alone and forlorn my thoughts laden with whiskey lies,
Memories seem so distant, only a week since goodbyes.
Christmas tree glistening, blurry in my vision of tears,
Flashing lights bright, neighbors Christmas party cheers.
No presents or joy in this household upon this night.
Sorrows, misguided gulps of liquor, cloud my sight.
Heartbroken, gloomy devouring the demon filled drink.
No more, no less, my eyes roamed over as I did think.
Hopelessly lost in a whirlwind of memories of no more,
No more, love by a lover, no daughter to teach the score.
Left me in a house, no longer our home that we shared,
Only I and this half-empty bottle, feeling impaired.
She left me, taking my child a thousand miles away.
While here in this house of torture, me and myself stay.
Every corner a recollection blinks by crystalline light.
Splintered and speckled by the twinkling star so bright.
Atop the now barren tree which had shined with joys.
Years before cluttered with wrappers, boxes and toys
I slam a big gulp down my throat, since this was my first.
Night of my debut to the evil of whiskey blinding thirst,
Never before had drunkenness been a quest or even a try,
This night she devoured my soul, not wanting ever to cry.
Intoxication was a desire, though not ever beyond joy.
My virgin body of drink has choked me unable to deploy.
Sour mash tears wash down my face, wiping my eyes.
I hear my built up agony; pour out in inhuman cries.
User Name Cecil Hickman
Sponsor Constance La France ~ A Rambling Poet ~
Contest Name Your "Saddest" Christmas Ever
Candles burning sure and bright,
Shining through the Christmas tree.
Santa's coming 'round tonight,
Bringing presents here for me.
I sent a letter some time ago,
I asked for things I'd need.
For these are things for Mum and me,
It certainly wasn't greed.
For I am thirteen years of age,
I asked, "please bring Dad back".
I miss him; Mum is so upset,
Since he died inside Iraq.
I cry myself to sleep some nights,
I can hear Mums sobbing heart.
He's the only present we will need,
"Don't keep us all apart".
Dear Santa, no more toys or clothes,
No gifts from that Christmas sack.
The only thing that we all want,
Is to have my Daddy back.
What if Christmas never happened?
What if Christmas never came?
Things around here would be different!
It wouldn’t be the same!
What if the baby Jesus was never born in a manger?
Mankind would be in serious trouble. We’d all be in danger!
If the baby Jesus wasn’t born. There would be no nativity.
We wouldn’t be able to display this during our “festivity.”
It’s almost like this now!
It’s an “ever increasing business.”
It seems like nearly everyone wants
“Christ out of Christmas!”
Why does it seem like Christmas is
losing it’s true meaning?
The very words; “Merry Christmas,”
seem to be quickly disappearing!
Many say; “Happy Holiday.”
They worry they may “offend.”
Having a “holiday” without Christ….
We need to put Jesus Christ back into
our CHRISTmas season!
He is what Christmas is about! HE is the very reason!
May we all take some time to rejoice in our savior’s birth.
May there be shouts of JOY! From the corners of the earth!
Let’s not take Christ out of our joyous celebration!
We need him so much right now!
All over this great nation!
May we bring to him a heart of love
for everything he’s done.
As we bring honor to Christ. God’s precious son!
May we continually offer to him a heart filled with praise!
Not only at Christmas time… But all of our days!
By Jim Pemberton
On this cold winter night
A horror unfurls
As they leave their trenches
Under the Bagpipes skirl
It's Christmas Eve
In World War One
Over the top they leave
The killing has begun
Knee deep in mud
Barbed wire and bodies
The piper laments
Their bravery embodied
To march into battle
With their weapon of pipes
Whilst bullets and bombs
Leave the theatre in strife
Onward they march
Turning men into hero's
The battle of the Somme
Last centuries ground zero
What makes such a man
To enter a war
His weapon of music
That they follow him for
Amongst the men that fall
Others pick up their guns
When the piper falls
Their is no one
On this cold Christmas Day
The horrors have been unfurled
As one looks over the trenches
To a different world
But the very next day
In the distance you will hear
The sound of the Scottish Bagpipes
Leaving their enemy in fear
In memory to all who fell at Christmas time, and especially to the pipers
who used music as their weapon, we will remember them, as all will be remembered
As Christmas morning dawns
And children wake with yawns
Excitement permeates the air
With nary a worry or a care
While miles across both land and sea
Other children pray and plea
As anguish haunts their waking day
To weak to laugh, to frail to play
Those well fed children, some obese
With gifts a plenty, several apiece
Crowding round the Christmas tree
Happy, joyful, so carefree
While other children, worlds apart
With empty stomach and aching heart
Gathered round an empty pot
Despair, hungry amid stench of rot
Those healthy children with toys and stuff
Some spoilt brats that have enough
Often whining, wanting more
With gifts a plenty by the score
While suffering children without food
In shabby huts both stark and crude
Complain not once about their plight
Yet from so little derive delight
So while we run around demented
Stressing about which gifts to buy
Perhaps it is best that we relented
And asked ourselves to question why
And when we talk of Christmas cheer
Perhaps we ought to shed a tear
And spare a thought to those without
Is this not what Christmas is all about!!!
On Christmas day I cried,
No family to hug.
Only a blessed pair of shoulders to shrugg.
Cough drops and lost salvia.
Precipitation hot as lava.
Living room packed yet so empty.
Heavy tears yet no sympathy.
On Christmas day I cried!
Game of memory in this darkened scenery.
Ready to be prosecuted,
Life or execute me!
Open gifts in heaven,
Unwrap love at eleven.
Lord knows on Christmas day I cried!
Bury me an ornament on a broken tree.
Let the world know I was all I could be!
When it all ends, it'll all be the same.
The ground will still flood when it rains.
Now you know on Christmas day I cried!!
this baby that is born on christmas day
why is he here
why did he live
this baby was born to take our sins
yet we feast and party christmas
we don't bless this child
we don't care that he is born
we don't care that he died on the cross
we don't understand what he was for
this baby born on christmas day
Hang onto the hem of this Christmas day
it goes past so fast
and is now
a whole 'nother year away
This day of Christmas celebration is
the golden, honey sun has traversed
the sky, heading
bellies are full,
presents all disclosed and
flashy merriment loud
and laughy, turns now
to soft-glow candles lit,
hugs and easy chairs,
soft smiles and television
The warmth, the love, the mistletoe..
the food, the family, the fun
too soon do go!
The twinkly lights, presents and tree
and not one car on the road as far
as I can see!
No siren sounds, no horns do blow
just soft-sparkle Christmas lights
reflected off the snow.....
had so much fun,
I just hate to see it go!
Merry Christmas, Dad
by Amy Swanson
I always think of you
but holidays like this
can make it a little harder.
I hear the Christmas songs of cheer
see the lights up in the square
the busy murmurs of people
shopping for their loved ones...
It seems almost perfect.
The tree, the lights,
the songs and plays
joyful vacation days;
but something's missing.
The voice that rang throughout the house
singing triumphantly, beautifullly
"O Holy Night"
I still can't listen to that song
your strong voice
in my ears.
The hands that wiped my tears,
wrapped my Christmas presents
made his special "banana pudding recipe"
left me letters from Santa.
Oh dad... how I miss you.
I know they say time heals
and life goes on
and all those other wonderful cliches
that people always tell you
simply because they don't know what else to say.
I will never forget you - my hero, my protector.
I speak of you often
to my own little girl
want her to know
the grandpa she can't meet yet...
the grandpa who would love her so.
Dad, you are always in our hearts and minds,
I never got to say thank you...
for helping me to be
the woman I am today.
I look at my reflection in the mirror - I can also see you.
I sing my songs - and I can also hear you.
I laugh... and sometimes I can hear your laughter too.
My daughter smiles at me... and you are in her smile.
I wish that you could know how much
you've always meant to me
and all the things that you have done
to shape my life, so positively...
But all that I can say,
Merry Christmas, Dad.
I love you.
This miserable old fat man
should step down and bow out
As he forgot what image he represents
Throw him out in the waste can
As his attitude is not what it's all about.
When representing The jolly old man
and the love and compassion he shares.
It takes an open mind and tender heart.
As Santa has a loving and kind reputation.
Children wait all year long to sit in his chair.
No child should ever be shunned or rejected
Especially by people thought to have authority .
Which Santa is someone kids look up to.
A moment of his time and smile in expected
by all wanting to believe in his legend and story .
Santa himself has reindeer for his pets.
He loves and enjoys all living things
He does not judge from public opinions.
or jump to conclusions and have regrets.
As we know from the song the kids sing.
So if you plan to sit on the Holiday throne
Then think of the children you are going to greet
They have wide eyes and high hopes and trust
They are all different and may be alone
but want to be accepted by people they meet.
What a special time of year....
I,Santa and my minion of elves
making a gazillion toys for all
the giddy girls and boys.
Just what are some of the things they
will find under the tree? Let's see !!
Colorful cars that go vroom vroom
and twin engine planes that zoom.
Remote control trucks that
tumble around the room.Oh these
things simply can't come too soon!
There's the cute little doll house
with a canary canopy and the stocking
stuffed to the brim with sugar coated candy.
Oh my, what about the indestructable
tank with the turret that pivots or the
tried and true toolset equipped with
screwdrivers, pliers, hammer
and yes, even a rack of rivets.
I almost forgot about the long-legged dolls
with their fancy silk sweaters and dresses.
Oh how girls love those that talk or cry,
or ..... yes, even make little messes.
Then there are teddy bears,dolphins,
monkeys, ...stuffed animals of all kinds.
Oh, is it possible for the youngsters
to get these tantalizing toys out of their minds?
Chutes and Ladders,Candyland, Twister,
Guess Who, a smorgasboard of board games.
Oh yes, after this Christmas Day,
nothing could ever be the same.
Then there are cd's, dvd's,mp3s
you name it, even cell phones to call.
And no, that's certainly not all.
Catchers mitts, frisbees,yo-yo's or
better yet, a new leather basketball.
Robots, Light Bright,Spirograph,
we are busy making toys for tots.
And I don't think I need to tell you
No matter how you slice it... there's alot.
But I'm running out of time here you see
and there's no limit to what
can be found underneath the tree.
Every year Christmas provides a new story.
I know I hold a special place in
the hearts of people both young and old.
But I will be the first to admit
Christmas is not about me or what's
under the tree, but might I be so bold
as to say we must not forget that the real
Christmas story is all about love.
It starts and ends with the gift of Jesus
sent to us from His Father above.
For without that very "special delivery"
Christmas Day we wouldn't even celebrate.
No, as a matter of fact, December 25th
would simply be just an ordinary date.
Parallel went the universe someplace along the line
When autumn French-kissed winter with tongues of leaf and ice;
The lamp-posts dripped drab amber with a dark and dreary shine,
A devil's brew of garnished sleet, elemental egg-fried rice.
Night caved long and colder as day fell short, sedate,
And I felt somewhat older, in my heart a dying spark;
Crying out for love rekindling to alleviate the fate
Of departing in pitch-blackness and returning in the dark.
Tedious treadmill grinding as the Christmas pines were sawn,
Down in the valley decorations sagged and popped and spat;
Sizzling bulbs of neon death, ramshackle and forlorn,
Greeting cards from no one close had piled up on the mat.
My eyes blurred red and jaundiced in a fiery bourbon haze,
Well-past midnight I still sit and hungrily imbibe;
Toasting all the ghosts I knew throughout my dog-tired days,
On glitzy wrapping clawed the wishes I wished to inscribe.
Never has the relevance of nothing meant so much,
The face of unrequited love recedes in mist and snow;
The angels on the Christmas tree bestow no healing touch,
Pull up the covers, settle down, there's nowhere left to go…
I do not know?
It’s Valentines Day full of cards and kisses
Wish you were here covers all of my wishes
Easter is here and were celebrating our lord
Each day that passes I miss you even more
It’s been seven years today since we said, “I do”
It seems longer than that since I last held you
We all gather together for the birth of our land
It’s the Fourth of July and your not here as we planned
It’s your birthday today marking 34 years
When I think of you celebrating alone, it brings me to tears
Now it’s thanksgiving and the families all here
The rooms filled with spirit and still your not here
Out of habit I set a place at the tables head
The kids leave it and “Soon Mom” is all that was said
Santa is coming and kids are full of cheer
I try to keep smiling even though you are not here
Pictures with Santa and the lighting of the tree
Smiles on Christmas morning I wish you could see
We gather to wish good tidings to all
I sit and wait by the phone thinking maybe you’d call
You have missed a great deal in the year you’ve been gone
Jason had a great time at his junior prom
Katie turned seven and Chrissie turned two
For all their birthday wishes- they just wished for you
At night we all get tucked into bed
We snuggle up close and then bow our heads
Dear Lord please keep special watch over our Dad
If anything happens to him we’ll be so sad
He’s over helping the other country grow
Doing his job as you already know
He’s helping other little boys and girls
Opening their eyes to a whole new world
We are so proud of him and hold our heads high
But each night we hear mommy lay there and cry
We all miss him more than you know
Yet during the day we don’t let it show
We have to be strong and keep the faith
That soon he’ll be home with us and be safe
We are proud to hang that flag up high
We are all so full of American pride
We pray for all the soldiers’ safe return home
We pray that there are no more families left alone
Dear God for this Christmas please hear us pray
Bring our soldiers home where they belong, where they’ll stay
"You're not afraid- are you, Stacey?" She giggled. "Don't you think you
ought to slow down?" I mustered. "We'll be alright," she said with a grin and kept
on trucking, but when we parked, I almost responded as the Pope does when he
deplanes. However, that would have been too cynical; yet, when the Christmas
holidays rolled around, I left the driving to Greyhound.
While at home, my Christmas was very merry, and New Year's Day
was happy, until I received "the" call. It was Chrissy's roommate,
Belinda. "Stacey." She paused. "Chrissy died yesterday." "What-?!" I exclaimed
softly, uncertain of what I had just heard. "The weather was bad on her way to
church, and her truck hydroplaned into oncoming traffic," she responded. "But
they say she died instantly." Then we silenced.
As I clutched the Christmas card Chrissy had made for me, my heart
bled with grief. Although I felt a great sense of loss, I never blamed God or
Chrissy's driving for the fatality. Neither did my eyes shed a tear, not because I
repressed my emotions, but for the reason I shared at the BSU memorial service
held in her honor. "This is not a time to mourn, but a time of joy to celebrate
Chrissy's homecoming, as she would have wanted us to. And we know where
she is, where her heart has always been, home with Jesus." Yet alive here,
Chrissy is in my heart and commemorated in books throughout this country
through the following poem I wrote with her in mind
When Special Moments Come Again
Moments come and go,
But special moments come again,
When the thoughts of you with me
Seem they never have an end;
As a touch brings back sensation
And a song triggers emotion,
A smell brings back the memories,
As a taste triggers the notion
That we'll always be together;
What we shared will never end,
And I know that you're right here
When special moments come again.
Inspired by Christy Hardy. (For the title)
So sweet with wonder,
Candyland to all hearts,
Was it real, I wonder?
Or only certain parts?
The child at Christmas,
Saucer sized eyes
Mother baking Christmas cookies...
Tinsel on the sweet smelling tree,
Did this really happen?
Happen to you or me?
Or did Daddy come home,
Drunk and surly,
Drank up his Christmas bonus,
Christmas was now doomed,
To Mother was left the onus,
To save what she could
Of this most precious holiday,
And at this she was so good...
Children are pliable,
They are always learning
By what they see about them,
Mother's Love would always
Save the day,
She shouldered her burdens well,
Or so it seemed to us children,
Cause she would never tell,
But now I wonder how many nights
She cried soft tears,
As her drunken mate snored on
She fought our fight,
She earned our love,
But now, dear Mom, is gone.
I do not know?
Just yesterday I watched the children play
as I gazed down from the bedroom window.
They were happy, ready for the holiday
while I was feeling so low.
The neighbors say that Santa’s on his way
but I am sure it cannot be today.
For nothing has changed, it’s the same to me -
traces of tears everyday.
I feel so much pain, it looks it’s going to rain,
Christmas leaves me with this empty feeling.
No one really cares and nobody seems to see
that this day I’m so lonely.
They sing a song, a pretty yuletide tune
but it brings no meaning to me at all.
No one to greet me this dark, cold Christmas -
it’s Christmas time, all alone.
I do not know?
Christmas time is here. How do I make
it through without you here.
This is the first Christmas I have had to
spend without you. It's going to be so
hard without you and not only do I have
to spend Christmas without you,
I do not get to spend it with my
little one either.
You and my little one are the only
ones I had who would never turn
your backs on me.
But now I have to spend Christmas
without you two, thanks to Mom, who
turned her back on me. You are the only
one I had to count on matter what.
Daddy, how will I go on without you?
I pray everyday that you could come
back and see me for just one day
(Christmas Day), so I could let you
know what you meant and still mean
to me. I know you will be by my side
on Christmas, but I only wish I
could see you so much. I still
bought you some wolves for Christmas
to set beside your ashes. So, please
let me know in some way you're here
beside me on Christmas. Don't forget
we love and miss you so...