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Limerick Wife Poems | Limerick Poems About Wife

These Limerick Wife poems are examples of Limerick poems about Wife. These are the best examples of Limerick Wife poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


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-Divorce Club-

~~ Divorce  Club~~


Haiku   * divorce trip *
---------
broken promises
eclipse of the sun and moon
dreams that fall like leafs.

Limerick  * never settle*
------------
Like a  gun to my head of course
I married the end of a horse
love was never real,
kids no big deal.
Wow! I gain more money after divorce!

Couplet   * forever vows *
------------
I meant them words "for better or worse" during our holy matrimony
The better now has hit me, once  the Court ordered alimony:-)
 
by;p.d.

**OKAY I'M NOT GOOD AT EXAMPLES**
      


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Bonny Scotland

My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
        The Air Force said go
        I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.

The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
        It really was strange
        How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.

My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
        I bought home a wife
        she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.


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Cheaper To Keep Her (Divorce Club)

(Haiku)- * Motive, infidelity messing with the Queen Bee's Honey*

Queen Bee sits on throne,
Bumble and drone bees as one
Sample flowers dew

------------------------

(Limerick) - *Admission of guilt leads to compensation*

Indeed this is how the story unfolds,
Pete said, "It's a poor rat with only one hole"...
Love had taught a sad lesson;
Divorce court was now in session,
Judge rules favor, Pete's pockets full of holes...

----------------------------

(Couplet) - *Take vows seriously payback often belongs to Spouse - Queen Bee*

Love said, "Pete too late you've opened your peepers"....
"Man, you should know it was cheaper to please her"!






Submitted for P.D.'s Divorce Club Contest (Haiku-Limerick-Couplet)


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A Good Wife Is Hard To Find



When worked up and yelling a sight to behold She was an expert on the art of the scold But she was good in bed And kept him well fed And he was quite deaf if the truth be told


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The Awwwsome Driving Lesson

The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear


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She really did get this call

I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
  
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,

        “He’s here at the bar
  
        Quick bring us your car,

Your husband just got in a brawl”


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Double Disappointment

I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”


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My wife is either a spook or a goat




                                       My wife is either a spook or a goat

                                     I wish She must fall in a Texas moat

                                                In our wedding night

                                                   I had a frost bite

                                And she made love to my bright yellow coat


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The Rogue Rhymer

There was a girl who spent too much shoppin’
The mean hubby said she best be stoppin’
So she started to mourn
But Rogue Rhymer was born
And now her checks are no longer hoppin’


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HEAVEN

There once was a husband in heaven
His faults per hour averaged seven
In spite of all of his rot
His wife would scold not
Ah, this husband was living in heaven!

2-14-14

Form: Limerick 
Contest: Husbands are in Heaven whose wives scold not (Top Ten Winner)
Sponsored by: Dr.Ram Mehta


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Cockney

A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta


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Limerick: Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Limerick : Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor
Loved the meat served from Clinic larder
So they went in to see
Found morgue bodies for free
Since then stopped buying meat from butcher.

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013


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Limerick: Once an Airman who couldn't stand his wife

Limerick : Once an Airman who couldn’t stand his wife

Once an Airman who couldn’t stand his wife
Was going out of his mind with strife
Took to the clouds with spouse
Called her names like : »Leech ! Louse ! »
Then jumped out plane to sentence for life.

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013.


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Limerick: Once a Roundsman signed a round robin

Limerick : Once a Roundsman signed a round robin

Once a Roundsman signed a round robin
To keep his men from a certain inn
Men called to tell his wife :
At inn he danced to fife
So the wife played high fife with the men*.

•	Pronounced as in England : « min ».

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013


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Full Circle

Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch


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The Secret

Once upon a time, thirty years ago,
In front of a priest I stood with my beau.
“Over time”, he hailed;
“The secret will be unveiled”,
“Of a truly happy marriage”; but I still don’t know.


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Eine kleine Nachtmusic or a little serenade

Is this Mozart's musical score
Or sonata of sounds I abhor?
I have a good ear
But I'd rather not hear
The loud notes composed when you snore


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Valentine Exchange

a limerick

No longer sweehearts, but I need a gift.
For just a day can we forego our rift?
You get me a puppy dog;
I'll buy you a marble frog.
On Valentine morn, exchange will be swift.

I'll treasure the frog, hand-picked and hand made;
you'll dote on your puppy without charade.
The gifts are no bother
we'll share with each other.
Just be glad, I didn't choose a grenade.

 
 


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Girl in my Class

There once was a girl in my class.
One day I tried to make a pass.
My cheek still sting,
My ears still ring,
Yet married to me; Alas!


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My shy wife was a princess of Babazoa





                                 My shy wife was a princess of Babazoa

                               Her dessert was cream lizard from Samoa

                                        She inherited a princely sum

                                    And went to the Big Gabazoa slum

                          And bought chilled bum for her sweet Burmese Boa


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The Lady Wonders

The bridegroom was over the hill
At ninety he held his own still
His bride a young eighty
Was too much a lady
To ask if he had a blue pill






**for "Slapstick Limerick Contest"
sponsored by John Freeman




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Homecoming

Favorite green silk robe Lying in wait for him to come home Dinner is ready The door opens steady Happy he’s finally home * Racing from the car to the door As soon as my shoes hit the floor My heart is capsizing Just now realizing She’s more beautiful than ever before * We’ve finally found our way home We’ll never again be alone Embracing at last Hearts racing fast Every emotion within a single moan
A collaborative limerick by Rachel Egona and Julian Egona


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Husbands Are in Heaven Whose Wives Scold Not

All night I dream of life without wife,
Peaceful and heavenly, without any strife .
No scolding, no nagging,
Like ‘sake’ I’m having.
Alas! Its morning and gone my life.

Dt.  23/02/14


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Nanticoke Living

wife and I are living in Nanticoke
my wife and I aren’t rich nor are we broke
she’s working more than I am at this time
being the man of the house is no crime
my third marriage isn’t a joke


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Wives

Now wives they are ladies of note
Many poems on them have been wrote
It would seem every day
That all they want us to say
Is I Love You that’s their favourite quote


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My wife

  MY WIFE

A bitch
A witch
Necessary evil begin.
Needed her once,
Now yet  to kill her
  An unfortunate 
sin.

Her womb
A vessel
I  and she needs to fill.
 Yet menopause insanity
My wife should her find a cure pill.

My wife …she’s over the hill
Again, want to kill
thou shalt
cant not fulfill.
From  killing her, I should find a cure pill.

My wife
A good cleaner
Diner maker
Betty Crocker
Cake baker.

No compare
Brittany spears shaker
What a sexy shaker
But my wife
Hate her,

She’s moody
Unpredictable
A Dracula queen.

Cant stand her anger
Raging housewife mean
A mean machine
I cant  stand her being.


Besides she no longer fit
Those tight 
Blue jeans.

She lost her sheen
Gray skin
Unclean
A bitch
A witch 
yet to kill her 
unfortunate
Sin.

My wife, never should have
Let it ever begin.


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My cute wife

                                My cute wife was a giant toad in real life
                           During birth she changed her bawdy phenotype
                                               She croaked all day
                                               Balked my bouquet
                                  And darted a sly glance at Macauliffe.


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Roman Wedlock

A baby, pious, was born by aide
He named it Gaias, and felt like a jade
While he cried,
Cause mommy died.
His wife hired yet another maid. 


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You

And if I were some hair locks, you would be shampoo
Now if I were a swimmer, use you as canoe
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I get the timber, light enough like you?

And if I were student, you I would construe,
Now if I were painting, I’ll try to paint you.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I get the colors, pretty enough for you?

And if I was a biker, you would be tattoo,
New morning grass I walk on, you glisten like the dew
Gee! But on second thoughts;
It will perhaps not.
Ever would there be water, pure enough like you?

And if I were a movie star, you would be debut,
Now if I were some cook, you would be my stew.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
It will perhaps not.
Ever would I get vegetables, fresh enough like you?

And if I wrote a mystery, you would be my clue,
Now if I had a balcony, you would be my view.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I imagine something wonderful as you?

And if were too lonely, we will together coo 
Now should I say I love you, without further ado?
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Easy, it would seem too easy, I just like to pursue.