Who be th' stenchin' verminous Horsman
what hollers t' th' seafarin' oarsmen
when th' mind's a-fog
where we fest th' grog
why be d'mandin' pennin's of bay men
***All errors are intentional and used merely to facilitate pirate speak.
Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.
It's a priates life no need to back your
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.
Swab the decks and please if
ya gotta puke lean over the side.
Be a good little sea bandit
or you'll be learning were Davey Jones does
We got fish for breakfest supper and lunch.
Can somone please help the captain.
ya know with a hook for a hand its easy to
get your pants in a bunch.
I gotta walk the plank again ?
Hey it's really rude sticking me with that knife.
It sure would be nice if we put this ship in the water.
Do more than drinking and dreaming of the pirates life.
I really dont trust a captian with a poodle.
It really gets old being harrased.
And cleaning up fee fee's doodle
Dont let Larry steer.
After the tenth time it gets old.
running a ground to go fetch a beer.
No sir I dont belive we'll run into the loch ness monster
off the jersey shore.
No I dont belive the worlds flat.
And I dont care if the five year old first mate swore.
The crows nesk is a perfect place to hide from your
Were heading the wrong way check the gps.
Yes I really cant take this pirates life.
Yes captian I really doubt A mermaid stole
all the rum.
What's the catch of the day?
Sea monster sure I'll have some.
The captian is crabby and it's time for the
first mates nap.
The cook isnt crying cause he's choppin onions
Its cause he finished the briges of Madison County
yes he's a bit of a sap.
It's probaly not best to duel with a butter knife.
As we set sail yes mam we''ll have the first mate
back befor sundown.
It's kinda messed up living this modern pirates life.
Life is pleasant on the Atlantic coast
Fishing is surely what I enjoy most
Songs of gulls surrounding me
Colorful shells line the sea
And of my exploits I feel I must boast
The breeze is refreshing as winds pick up
I cast out hoping for something to sup
Though the tides aren’t moving
I am always still grooving
Then with a smile I spy a fish close up
It’s just a tiny minnow swimming past
Oh yes, he’s small, but he might be the last
So I reach down with my net
He splashes and gets me wet
On a summer day I have chilled out fast
*Entry for Yasmin’s “Letting Your Hair Down” contest by Carolyn Devonshire. Written 6/19/2012
Oh, vermicelli, rigatoni!
Lost on a sea of minestrone.
The sea beneath my feet,
And nothing else to eat,
I live on cheese and macaroni.
There was a young man lived in Dover
And he was the son of a rover
He fell into the sea
Cause clumsy was he
A shark came and it was all over.
When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.
Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.
Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!” they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”
Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.
As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!
Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!
Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.
Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!
I had all my equipment checked.
Everything was laid out on deck.
We were suited for game.
By the time drop off came
my nerves were totally a wreck.
I went down to the deep blue sea
to see what the sea would show me.
Got the scare of my life,
a fish big as my wife,
and the show in the sea was me.
Back on board I dared any to say
what went on in the sea that day.
Yes, my wife will attest.
She cleaned it her best,
but that suit, the smell won't go way.
May 25 2011 for Carolyn's contest
There once was a pirate named Jack,
Who struck with the devil a pact.
But when his accord
He could not afford
The devil took Jack and his pack!
The moral of Jack and his pack
Is clear: Give the devil No pact!
If you can't afford
To strike an accord
Hold fast what you have--not your lack!
In History, Nelson fought the Spanish
This powerful Armada did vanish
My ancestor was in thrall
Kismet Hardy had a ball
No invasion, the infidels, banished
Hemingway’s famous “Old Man and the Sea”
Simply couldn’t hold a candle to me
I caught Ahab’s great white whale
Did some surfing on his tail
Made him jump through hoops ‘fore I set him free
In Scotland I gave Nessie a big scare
As with my huge net, the beast I did snare
I held on as Nessie tugged
Then set her free as I shrugged
To tell the truth, Nessie hadn’t a prayer
And now I’ve set my sights on the Kraken
Oh yes, I’m more than a fishing bumpkin
And so for Norway I sail
To prove women aren’t frail
This giant squid is simply a munchkin
Written for Susan’s “Ridiculous Self-Exaggerations” contest
*Last line is the metaphor