At the risk of being called “rabble-rouser,”
I think poor old Barky Von Schnauzer,
should practice his aim,
his master to maim,
in the back end of his very best trousers!
My hero I would call dear old Barky,
if he could just muster the stealth of a sharky,
and covertly steer,
right straight for the rear,
of that great big old bag of malarkey!
I think I should send Barky a big four leaf clover,
so his bad luck would finally be over,
he could retire his fame,
move away, change his name,
to Bowser maybe Lassie or Rover!
Obviously I have been driven completely insane by that stupid t.v. commercial!
Happy St. Paddy's Day!
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
1221 Boiling Weather Drive
First customer gets a free beehive
With purchase ten bones or more
Food, drinks, desserts galore
Porcelain hitchhiker needs a ride
< cakes and sausages on hot griddle
uncle Leroy's dam dog just piddled
slipped ~ slide across floor
grabbed shotgun by front door
now dam ole dog just plays an fiddle
bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow ~ wow
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow bow ~ ow
with tail between own ~ legs
now dog sings ~ and ~ brags
about cousin's daisies's bad bow ~ pows
Entry For John Freeman's
Slapstick Limerick Contest
Poor Ole Dog LOL
Rufus: Irish Rover Purebred and a Fortune 500 Pup ( As told by Rufus himself.)
Watch me snarl all the salesmen away,
ram the door, keep the mailmen at bay.
Each evening, I break
for a fresh T-bone steak.
The sun shines on my ass the WHOLE day.
There once was a very old, old dog
Who'd lay by the fire of cracklin' logs
Dreaming mighty dreams
Of years gone by schemes
As his legs moved chasing wild mean hogs
She’s out there chasing a cricket
Through bush, through shrub & through thicket
Together they hop
But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
A cat whose vet took his eye
Just cannot quite understand why
His eye’s been enucleated,
3-D vision reduciated,
So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye
Ya gotta keep limericks loose
Think green eggs, or perhaps Dr. Seuss
They’re structured, it’s true,
But they’re also a zoo
Whose tenants are all on the loose!
I frolic in fountains of words
Overflowing with serious absurds
Each poem I write
Wakes up and takes flight
Joining angels and faeries and birds
You ask that we write a good limerick
How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick
So I struggle and frown
Teaching poems to clown
So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick
A cat with a mouth full of mouse
Brought her feast right into my house
She played with her food
Who was not in the mood
To be a banquet of mouse in the house
The nightmares that shadow my sleep
Stampede the proverbial sheep
Right out of my mind
When I try to unwind
I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep
In her search for original truth
She met people unsavory and couth
She knitted and purled
But only unfurled
Yarns told by new age and old youth
Cat, suddenly pink,
Drinks her water from out of the sink
She looks so absurd
Since she’s been de-furred
I really don’t know what to think!
If one and one is two and two is four,
And there’s only two ways to go through a door,
Then, is earth up or down?
And, where is down town?
These are questions we need to explore!
A was that is an is
Tried to mind my biz
But I sent it packing,
Its presence was lacking
And I don’t have time for such shiz!
A couple who lived in Los Lunas
Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness
They’d stare at the air,
Over here, over there
And rejoice at the feeling of newness
A cat with a very fat gut
Found it easier to walk on his butt
He’d drag it around
Across carpet and ground
And use it to slam the doors shut
Said the Missus to her dear Mr. Otter,
“There’s something I think that you oughta
Do before we get old
To protect us from cold –
You oughta make the hot water hotter!”
The ghosts who live up in my attic
Make noises that sound much like static
I’ve tried to send them away,
But they’re here to stay,
Those staticky ghosts in my attic
Once came along a groundhog named Phil
Looked for shadow in winters chill
Even top hat and coat
Didn't stop whining's gloat
Stuck six more weeks paying heating bill
Katherine Stella 2/4/12
February Funny Bone Contest
It was time to visit the vet
With a specimen from my pet
I scooped a lump of coal
But the cheap bag had a hole
Now, I'm driving in a cold sweat
Nauseous, I cannot elude
The smell of what Winnie pooed
Rotten eggs are preferred
Over smelling dog terds
And her ripe farts are far less rude
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
for PDs Pooping Contest
*Yes, my dog is named Winnie after Winnie the Pooh by my son.
We call her Winnie Bear
< tell me now Who ! Who ! ~ Let The Dogs Out ?
bet Carolyn pulling them by snouts ......
fleas ... ticks.... she started to itch /////
screaming sons of a ....... b .i...t...c....h
poor neighbor's dog now takes different route
The DogGone Dog Contest