On the fateful day before Halloween
Dressed as a vampire queen in green
I passed through the graveyard
With all my senses on guard
When I heard a rustling mean
In horror I turned around to see
Who had the audacity to scare me
Saw an old man bending low
Chiseling his name in a row
Looked to be a veteran escapee
I told him not to disturb the grave
When he started to turn and rave
His family didn’t spell him right
And he with his might
Had come out his name to engrave
Postman Name Barry
Once had a cousin his was name Harry
He once worked with a postman name Barry
Off to work, he'd eat plenty of tums
His breath always smelled of rum
He worked with a fat man name Barry!
One day a new fellow Bob came into work
Bob looked at fat man name Barry the clerk
Bob said if you keep eating food you'd look like a slob
Then maybe you could do extra better at this job
Because then Barry, you'd never be a big fat jerk.
(Madame is pronounced with accent on maDAME, the French way)
Near a hole in the wall, with no qualm,
Never seen, sits a frumpy Madame.
Using lotion, she works
Giving smooth strokes and jerks
With her fabulous and renowned palm.
By Andrea Dietrich
*This is the theme of a movie I saw on cable.
Its name is Irena Palm, the name a widow takes when
she goes to work at a club in order to make enough money
to allow her grandson the surgery he needs to save his
life. It's not a porno, but her "work" is a bit erotic yet discretely
portrayed. It got high marks from the critics. My writing this
was inspired by Deborah Guzzi's Limerick Contest and now
I enter it into Skat's contest!
Check it out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0762110/
strange sounds hypnotize from an ARCADE
challenging me to a dual escapade
silver balls wait in line
for fingers to opine
female transforms to pinball wizard on parade.
STAR TREK is my machine of choice
listening to CAPTAIN KIRK'S commanding voice
ENTERPRISE flies at warp speed
as numbers calculate point feed
as a TREKKIE I win a la Royce.*
MORTAL COMBAT is a game of great skill
super bonus points mount as empty holes fill
in the end my name is on top of the hill.
STREET FIGHTER is quick, sharp and rough
knocking down opponents is so tough
when the flipper sinks the ball in
the bad dude shouts "a vul kin"*
aggravated, I cry out "had enough".
time to hang up my "wizard fingers" for another day
flashing lights show my name on display
leaving fantasy behind
know I'm "one of a kind"
pinball prima donna loves to play.
*Royce -haracter from older series
*A Vul Kin - foreign language meaning you're dead
*For Yasmin Khan's Video Games Contedt ..
There once was a man with the last name Butts
He really must have been nuts
When a son he did sire
This name he did conspire
Seymore was the name a decisive cut
Not an original idea...
Her name was Liza Jane Macnelly,
She loved Anchovies and jelly,
“She’s a wonderful girl,
said her boyfriend Earl,
But her breath is a little bit smelly”.
His name was Billy Joe Trevy,
He had no A/C in his Chevy,
“It’s such a nefarious pain” ,
said his girlfriend Jane,
Because he perspires a bit too heavy”.
But they both loved each other so well,
That they accepted each other’s smell,
The moral of the story here?
There is none, I fear.
They just simply …smell like hell !
In History, Nelson fought the Spanish
This powerful Armada did vanish
My ancestor was in thrall
Kismet Hardy had a ball
No invasion, the infidels, banished
Pickles dressed up in black eight inch heels
Tickles snuggled in flannel gown with toy eel
Pickles danced all night
To waning moonlight
Pickles home late tripped over eel took spill
There once was a beauty of whom I was fond
She lived a top secret life of the beau monde
Yet I felt despair
When she changed her hair
And presented herself as Blond, Jane Blond
I met a writer named, Richard Lime
Who wrote poems with only five lines
By swapping his name
He realized his fame
Thus inventing the Limerick rhyme
They called Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Why'd they give that name to a little guy?
Georgie won't brush his teeth
And his breath smelled like feet,
That's why kissing the girls made them cry.
The name Georgie Porgie was not so hot
It's his parents who put him in this spot,
All his best friends are girls
He played with lace and pearls,
Every boy in town want to kick his butt.
So poor Georgie Porgie was on the run
To him kissing the girls was having fun,
That was until one day
A strange boy came to play,
Now Georgie's having fun with his new bun.
Where is fat baby cupid?
I hope he knows I think Valentines day is stupid
Buying expensive gifts at Walmart
Overweight babies shooting love darts
Honestly the whole holiday is simply putrid
I’ve got a friend whose last name is Doll
We skipped work and chased the white ball
Since my first name is Charlie
And his first name is Arnie
Then I guess,
Charlie played with A. Doll
There once was a dog born in July
With three brothers and a sister, oh my!
In five months he was taken to the pound
And there by a family with a baby was found.
Home they went, but within a month did know
That jealous of the baby the dog did grow.
So, back to the pound he was taken
But the little dog did not feel forsaken.
All his friends were waiting there
Oh my, he didn't have a care!
Brave and bored in a cage he sat
Staring across the room at a large yellow cat.
One day anoher two-legged being came by
To stare, and smile, and say with a cry:
"Look at that face ... what a face!
Oh my, I want to take him home to my place!"
"What's his name?" she asked the clerk with a sigh.
"His name is Logan", the clerk did reply.
Logan? Logan is a strange name to be,
He doesn't look like a Logan that I can see.
But he's certainly masculine, oh my
What a barrel chest and little head held high!
Such a face so strong and wise,
With those big limpid brown eyes.
He looks for all the world to see
Well ... he looks like a, like a Mister to me!
So Mister the Dog found a home
Leaving his friends at the pound all alone.
There was a waitress named Sonya,
That the bosses were really quite fonda,
But whenever she sneezed,
The customers weren't pleased,
Cause she''d always spill coffee on ya.
One such customer's name was Gill,
He'd just about had his fill,
When she returned with the urn,
He claimed he was burned,
And refused to pay his bill.
Now Gill's wife's name was Sue Beck
And she started giving him heck,
She thought Gill a poop,
And she gave him the boot,
So the boss up and paid her check.
So Sue Beck was happy as was the boss,
But Gill was burnt with integrity lost,
So he went back home and picked a bone,
And that's when his bags were tossed.
Now the moral of this story is scary,
and pertains to any Tom, Gill or Harry,
If you burn your torso, just go with the flow,
and be wary of the woman you marry!
there once was a boy named Zach
he is a little bit fat
he play the drums
he has stubby thumbs
he enjoys correcting you with facts
Gal name Jane
Knew a freaky, crazy gal name Jane
Everyone thought she was real insane
Her siblings and all thought they were right
For everyone called her a mighty fright
She left all the folks in town with gore of bloodstain.
Written: Sept. 10, 2014
First off, Jacks last name was not Horner
Though, with a pie, he sat in a corner
His real name was Horny
Now this may sound a bit corny
But there’s a reason that he was a loner
In fact, Jack wasn’t so little they did say
That’s why in the corner he’d play and play
He was always alone
With a pie of his own
And he’d chase all his stress then away