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Limerick Humorous Poems | Limerick Poems About Humorous

These Limerick Humorous poems are examples of Limerick poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Limerick Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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AT THE FOOTBRIDGE - LIMERICK COLLABORATION

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau (He was married to a woman called Flo) Sue soon found out his deception She dismembered his erection For his love life it was a massive blow To the hospital fled poor Rodger For an op to repair his todger Now fixed, it's SO big Rodger grunts like a pig in porn films as Rodger the lodger Inspired by but not for contest BY JAN ALLISON 7~18~16 He promised Flo he never would leave her And she would be his only receiver But she caught him with Sue And his chances were through Gnawing off wood when he neared her beaver WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH Sue castrated that cheating deceiver With one whack of her meat cleaver she pulled a Lorena Bobbit turned Rodger into a Hobbit Sue's now known as an "overachiever" WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND Across the table sits sweet Amee Once A Roger, before he became a she The master of infidelity So many personalities Before and after he became an amputee.. WRITTEN BY SKAT A He was known as a terrible stoner With a huge un-deflatable boner It now sits in a jar At the end of the bar A reminder to all of its owner... WRITTEN BY JOHN LAWLESS It’s become a tourist attraction As a symbol of female subtraction Grannies sneak in for a peek Everyday of the week Dreaming of former of love action. WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Oh how sad that pork missile should be unemployed but for all there to see if science, in a jiffy can rejuvenate stiffys then the first in the queue would be me! WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Flo wanted to give Sue a high five For slicing Rodger with all his jive A two timing fool Who broke every rule Now lil Rodger don't work in overdrive WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y Rodger's story has been immortalized For having his thingy circumcised It's on display in a bar Now hanging in a jar While it's slowing becoming crystalized WRITTEN BY MARTI SUTHERLAND As she ponders on what to eat Hopefully, it won’t be red meat For there on the log Is Rodger's hot dog So she gets excited and jumps off her feet. WRITTEN BY WINGED WARRIOR There's a lesson I really must blurt To all those blokes out chasing some 'skirt' When you're on heat Don't share your meat 'Cause your todger might really get hurt! WRITTEN BY MARK WOODS Poor forgotten noteworthy Sue Looking so gloomy she blew At the pickled todger once belonging to Rodger kissing good times its last adieu WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER As "Roger" snaked out of the door It went past a room on tenth floor. A woman therein Said "Come right on in." she kept screaming, "More, I want more! WRITTEN BY ANDREA DIETRICH After Sue chopped his tally-whacker Poor Roger became quite the slacker He tried to bring his pecker forth Never again to be pointing north Now when he pees he sits on the crapper. He stopped at the house, the red-light was on Knocked on the door, the girls were all gone Stuck with his sawed-off boner Tonight He's going to be a loner Damn, why did the girls all have to be gone? BOTH POEMS WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN A group of limericks quite clever Began with one simple sever Of engorged penis which is, (between us), I think, a spicy endeavor WRITTEN BY H PENELOPE SWIFTLOCK There was perfection in his pecker, as a porn star he was a wrecker, but to his wife he was unfair, so she severed what was down there, now his only job is director. WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE Poor Roger thought he was being slick when he carved out a handcrafted prick he rubbed his new attire his precious toy caught fire Now he is left with an ashen stick WRITTEN BY TEPPO GREN An ashen stick means man minus prick. Poor Roger, now a eunuch, without a fix. He decided to become a transgender. Then off he went on a bender. Woke up married to a man from Bertrix WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY Rodgers new love was a prudish fox but for brains she had a head of rocks he splinted up his willy popsicle sticks look silly he said it was new and still in the box! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER (EVE'S HUBBY) To be fair "At the Footbridge" Now to be completely fair And to stop every persons stare Rodger was not actually circumcised As he was a player, so don’t be surprised This was from wear and tear and his willingness to share WRITTEN BY MARK PAUL VAN DER MERWE

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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JAN ALLISON has a Fan

JAN HAS A FAN


Jan Has no Tan

I once saw a gal called Jan
So sexy she made me ran
Straight to the vicar
Said marry us quicker
Whilst she drank her tea on the can


She is as White as pure Sand

I once met a gal in white dress
I fell straight in love I must confess
She was drinking her tea
While I stared at her knee
Surely my intentions she guessed


She Sips Her Tea Daily

I once met a gal drinking Tea
My heart was pumping in glee
From her nose to her toes
When she smiled I froze
So charming I become a devotee

While I Admire Her so Gayly

When I saw the lady in the white dress
My thoughts she I did undress
As she gazed out the window
She caught peeking Jimbo
Who was in quite the state of distress


I am a fan of the great poet Jan

There once was a gal who could fart
She refined it into an art
Her white dress in a breeze
Would lift till you sneeze
But she’ll always be my sweetheart




Notes: I just realized the title, as far as Jan is concerned , well could have a double meaning!

Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2016

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HE'S SMOKIN'

Sir Henry was playing his flute He also was smoking cheroot But when his attire Was soon caught on fire I’m guessing he’s not so astute! 04~18~15 Contest: Famous Einstein Quotes – John Freeman Albert Einstein Quote ‘The only source of knowledge is experience’ ~awarded 1st place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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MARY IN THE DAIRY

A curvaceous lady named Mary Just loved having sex in the dairy When smothered with whipped cream Her beau would lick her clean… His Calorie intake was scary!!! 14th June 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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Ice Cube Pie

I always wanted two slices of ice cube pie
“You only get one”, was the standard reply.
I don’t know why I did
But since I was a kid
It was my favorite treat on the Fourth of July.

The pastry is known by all our relations
Since the recipe’s passed down for generations.
Every bite you’ll savoir
Exceptional flavor
But remember, don’t settle for imitations

Long ago, my great Aunt tried experiments
By leaving out one of the ingredients.
Once Uncle took a bite 
He stared out in fright
And barely survived that bad experience.

My oldest son, Johnny became quite wise
He grew up like the others, before our eyes.
His passion for confection
Was a gainful connection
When he opened the first ice cube pie franchise.

Soon after that, we made our first million
And played in the sun with friendly Brazilians.
But to our surprise
We saw ice cube pies
On bamboo platters next to our pavilion

Right away we knew this was an infraction
Without delay our family took action.
We found a private eye
Who loved our ice pie
But his research left him broken in traction.

It was apparent to us that that kind of job
Was endorsed by the brutal ice cube pie mob.
But we didn’t frown
Or give up and back down
We were going to prevail; oh, yes siree, Bob!

With a meeting of minds we gathered resources
And then undersigned the following courses.
To make sure our ices
Sold at cut-rate prices
To knock competition off its high horses.

So back at the shop we assembled platoons
To build enough pies to reach to the moons.
And made plenty dough
That allowed us to mow
Down the cube racket’s, knuckle dragging goons.

We now manage an ice cube pie monopoly
Sales started smooth, but then turned choppily.
So we eased the frustration
With another vacation
But guess what we saw in downtown Mexicali?!


Copyright © David Fisher | Year Posted 2013

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HAPPINESS

There once was a young man called Rodger Who's very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger 29 ~12~14

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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JUICY FRUIT

A busty young lady from Peel Her boobies she couldn't conceal They were such a huge size That she won a first prize For the fruit men most wanted to feel 7th April 2015 I made a bit of a boob on the 2nd line - thanks Paul Callus for your advice

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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One Mermaid's Lesson

A merman had one stubborn daughter who rebelled against what her dad taught her. When she swam to dry land, she could then understand she was just like a fish - out of water! For the Out of Water Poetry Contest of Sheri Fresonke Harper

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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Pot Head

There’s a poet who thinks we are not

such great writers, yet she’s not that hot!

What that smarty pants spoke

was like saying to coke,

“You’re illegal” when SHE’S like pure pot!


For the the Dumb and Dumber Personal quotes Poetry Contest

I always liked the expression "The pot calling the kettle black"
but because of its racial overtones, a guy did a blog in which 
a person identified as Celyn came up with this alternative more politically
correct quote: "Like the pot calling the coke illegal." It really struck
me as clever, and to me it went really well with this situation that I
describe in my limerick, which, sadly, I have seen more than just a 
time or two,  here at Soup.

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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LUCIFER and HOOCH

LUCIFER'S gullet was as parched as hell!

   He said, "Lord, some cold HOOCH, would do me well!"

      Lord said, "In thy condition,

         Smoldering in perdition,

            Not a snowball's chance in the place ye dwell!"

Entry for Catie Lindsey's  "L&H Limericks" Contest 

Took First Place in the contest.

Copyright © Robert L. Hinshaw | Year Posted 2015

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Limerick for Sensitive community - a pd contest

I once knew a poet named Andrea.

Assaulted by someone’s hysteria,

she wouldn’t engage,

but feeling some rage,

she fought all night long with insomnia.


(It's kinda true!!!)

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2016

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HE'S HAVING A FART ATTACK

A constipated vicar named Bart Was in church when he dropped a huge fart He said 'Lord I have sinned' For I’ve got pooey wind Blushing scarlet he did soon depart! 26th April 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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I am NAN -no relation of JAN

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her poems are well read
Mine are masterpieces (only in my head)
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humor is godsent
Mine would be too if it wasn't absent
So you see I can't do what she can.

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
Her sense of humour is very fine
I wrack my brains can't find mine
So you see I can't do what she can

I am Nan, no relation of Jan
Just an admirer and a fan
You say we are poles apart?
But we looked so similar at the start
Shortened my name to Nan so I can, like Jan.






26th APRIL 2015

Copyright © Nandita Das | Year Posted 2015

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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015

Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM - IN AN ISLET

Jim, now rich, bought a wee li’l islet;
there he lived, with ten men and a starlet.
Changed his partner each day,
heaved and huffed till they say,
the islet is now, the town named Scarlet.





---------------------------------------------




The story's not over, he's not decadent.
Send away the men, he just simply can’t;
they built the town housing,
the roads and some building
for starlet Scarlet, whom the islet was meant.




21 April 2015
Humorous Poetry Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor : Thomas Martin

Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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SUGAR DADDY - TWO LENSES

Childhood Days I’d heap spoonfuls of sugar in my tea I wouldn’t drink it without it you see That sweet syrupy drink Wasn’t poured down the sink Every single drop was supped up by me! Adulthood Dad’s diabetes made me think - Did I need to sweeten my drink So I cut sugar out And I don’t have a doubt I’m slimmer and I’m in the pink Contest: Two Lenses Sponsor Sara Kendrick 02~20~16

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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FLOOD WARNING COLLABORATION - INSPIRED BY CONTEST

I crossed my legs but there was a flood Blushing red I hope folks understood But my waters had burst And the baby's my first Guess I'm ready to start motherhood! NOT FOR CONTEST WRITTEN on 27TH August 2016 BY JAN ALLISON My babe arrived as hungry as a horse As a good mother, I fed him, of course When my breasts began to fill Another flood was about to spill Until my child suckled with great force. WRITTEN ON 08/27/16 BY LIN LANE The first twelve months went mighty quick Time flying by lickity split Crawls out of bed Sits on mom's head A young fireman squirting his stick WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY TIM SMITH Hay, thought I heard another sound of thunder roar Eeh gad, seems to be another two babies more They all have lots of hair Mother-in-law beware Now I am having triplets let me out the door. WRITTEN 08/27/16 BY EVE T M C He was born without a suntan And didn’t favor the milk man Birthed on a polar bear rug Full beard on his tiny mug Holding a harpoon like Tarzan! WRITTEN BY SONNY ROPER 8/27/2016 Oh my! What will people think? My baby doesn’t favor his dad’s wink I can always claim in shame He favors my grandma’s frame On my mother’s side is large and pink WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER 8/27/2016 One baby after another I sure am a busy mother I cross my knees Whenever I sneeze Out one end or the other! WRITTEN BY CASARAH NANCE It’s all my darn uterus’s fault, Can’t bring my crying to a halt, No more sex with my hubby, I’m just too tired and chubby, This babe’s an exhausting result! Ice came out sucking a pacifier, Posted sign, “Eskimo nanny for hire!”, But when warm milk is felt, Baby started to melt, Naughty nanny immediately fired! The ice came out with a binky, And a diaper pretty stinky! Eskimo baby is she, Could it even be a he? It’s too frozen and all wrinkly! ALL WRITTEN BY LAURA LOO One by one they came out, midwife slapped 'em and into the cradle she packed 'em father blew candle out and exclaimed with a shout " Just like moths, it's the light that attracts 'em!" WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY Making babies was so much fun Now my boobies reach to my tum I can't even sneeze or cough It set's my weak bladder off ... I'd better stick to coke and rum WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS AWARDED POEM OF THE WEEK ON 28TH AUGUST - THE HONOUR IS SHARED BY US ALL ... SPECIAL THANKS TO LIN LANE FOR STARTING THE COLLABORATION I'm feeling like a slot machine My wheels stopped on three tangerines Babies falling like rain It's no longer a strain That last one looks just like my spleen WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER I thought I was going to have two But now I don't even have a clue It feels like maybe four I can't take it no more I have five months to go til I'm due WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y I was rushed to the hospital gate not yet due, but I just couldn't wait labor's water broke through elevator broke too flooded stairwells to room did create! WRITTEN BY SANDRA HAIGHT

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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Dead Animals are Everywhere

"Oh, honey," he cried on the phone,
"It's terrible being alone.
I'm feeling the blues,
and I have some strange news. . . "
He went on and on with a moan.

"I went to the back yard one day,
not too long after you'd been away.
Do you know what I found
everywhere on the ground?
Can you guess what I'm going to say?"

"No clue," I said. "Why don't you share?"
"Dead animals are everywhere!"
If he'd not shouted,
I may have doubted,
but then he said, "Baby, I swear."

I was taken aback, so I said,
"There are animals? And they are dead?
What kind might they be?
Tell me how many?"
Just to think of it gave me some dread.

Since it sounded so terrifying,
I thought what a terrible thing.
Had our yard become scary
like the pet cemetery
I had read of by novelist King?

Were they poisoned? Were there rabbits too?
In the back of my mind I just knew
that his tale was too tall.
I was not wrong at all.
As it turned out, the number was two!

For I called up my daughter who said
she had gone there; what she saw instead
of some big horror show
was just her dad Joe
with one snake and one bird that were dead!

Written July 1, 2016 :  True story with a bit of exaggeration making hubbie look wussy. But I'm not far off the mark!! This happened a long time ago when I had gone to a family reunion and left hubbie alone for a week!! Our daughter was newly married and went to the house to see all the "dead animals everywhere"  For the Tell a Tall Tale Contest of Jesse Day



 

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2016

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Be Careful what you Hook

  I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many syllables.com
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  
  11.11.2014
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever 

Copyright © Brenda Meier-Hans | Year Posted 2014

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removed for publication






“Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.” Mark Twain, on Alcoholism


05 July 2015
Poem of the Day - 07 July 2015
Write With the Wit of Twain Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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HERBIE RIDES AGAIN

Two autos both tried to have sex. A pity they both were such wrecks! With great apprehension, One lost its suspension. Old banger sex – oh so complex! 12~21~14 Contest: East Jesus Sponsor: Roy Jerden Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8 ~awarded 3rd place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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Vacation Disaster

We arrived at the airport quite late
My passport was months out of date
My husband was snappy
The baby filled its nappy
I just stood there and got quite irate

The pilot had been on the pop
On the runway he couldn't stop
He just missed a tree
Stopped off for a pee
Now his career is facing the chop

Our hotel was two star not four
Cockroaches crawled on the floor
We got a terrible fright 
In the middle of the night
A tornado blew off our door

Written for Vacation Humor Contest Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire
07~23~14

Copyright © JADAZZLE UNITED | Year Posted 2014

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A Sport for Gold Diggers

Sookie said (as she stood at the tee), "Though this golfing is boring to me, the odds can't be beat. Of golfers I meet, for each woman, the males number three!!" *Note: Female golfers number fewer than 23% in this sport. With the many doctors and lawyers that seem to enjoy this activity, I can't help but think it would be a great place for a single lady to meet rich men! For the Golf Limerick Poetry Contest of Craig Cornish

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013

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YOU'D BETTER NOT POUT

You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’ Too large, in a colour you hate It simply won’t fit You’ll never wear it No nookie mate now you can wait! 12~28~14 A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich ~awarded 3rd place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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RODGER AND HIS LODGER

There once was a young man called Rodger Who’s very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger The lodger her name was Sandy Was always ready and randy They’d make love all night But then they took fright When Rodgers legs went all bandy Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper 29 ~12~14

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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TO THE POET WHO BROKE MY HEART DW

We were ‘married’ on poetry soup I kept my hubby right in the loop I still rue the day That you went away I need to dry my tears and regroup Loved your humour right from the start I miss you with all of my heart Want you to come back Get you in the sack* Then they’ll never tear us apart! * In case you are wondering … Darren and I are simply amazing friends and this is a cheeky line from one of the last mails he sent me in October. I miss you my lovely friend 2nd February 2015 Contest: A Valentine Limerick SKAT A

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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SANTA IS COMING

Santa comes but once a year Impotence his greatest fear He fills up his sack Slings it on his back Hope he wont drop his load here Mrs Claus was in great distress She wants sex she does confess Santa saw his GP Saying please help me We need to sort out this mess The doc prescribed some blue pills They cured Santa of his ills Now back in the sack Not flat on their back Now they are getting their thrills 11~22~14 Contest: What’s up with Santa Sponsor Jerry Curtis

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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Back to Traffic School

Before yellow changes to red,
there’s only one thing in my head.
It’s to get through that light
for my time is so tight.
On the pedal my foot becomes lead!

But I did not judge too well today,
for that light was a tad far away.
Oh, why didn’t I stop?
If I’d just seen the cop,
I’d be richer with no fine to pay.

So to traffic school soon I will go,
like I do every three years or so
till the next time I’m caught.
We old dogs can’t be taught!
Wipe our slates- traffic school’s just for show!


Note: Traffic school is a 2 hour class that some Americans pay extra money for just to avoid a raise in their insurance rates when they get a traffic ticket. I stupidly did not do traffic school last time I got caught by a cop, so for sure, I have to do it THIS time. This limerick story was inspired by Jan's limerick about me!

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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DISAPPOINTMENT

Jan said to Darren one day
Do you fancy a roll in the hay
But to his chagrin
Jan asked 'is it in?'
You’re not quite as big as you say!

Based on the poem' our first meeting on the Isle of Man written by Jadazzle united



10th February 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE SINK

I'm thirsty - I needed a drink There lurking in my kitchen sink Lying flat on his back He’s no longer jet black A hedgehog…now he doesn't stink! 11th April 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015