Your raging hormones you must ignore
For desires will shake you to your core
Listen to your heart
Before you embark
Make love with someone you truly adore.
Sciences class teaches us what we should know
About body parts and where they should go
Willie goes in Muff
Quicken breaths we huff
All consumed till body fluids flow.
But alas the girl did not have none
Boy finished before girl was done
He is satisfied
She is horrified
Damn the hype about two joining as one.
There once was a gal named Lucy,
Who had a beloved pet goosey.
The goose learned to fly,
Which made Lucy cry,
Now there's no more Lucy's goosey.
For Blackeyed Susan's limerick contest
I ordered a large pizza pie
What do you want on it asked guy
His question a pearl
Set my mind awhirl
A sexy young girl answered I
Day one of my regular period,
He always think I’m not in good mood;
Seeing me, he runs away
Do you think I like that way?
My heart isn’t hard as piece of wood.
He’s still single and he lives alone,
He doesn’t know woman’s situation;
Wearing napkins in three days
So uneasy on my ways,
Yet, he’s seeking special attention.
Day two comes, he’s still so hesitant,
He wants me to shout at a distant;
Is he gentle man or gay?
He believes what other’s say
On monthly days, I’m not impatient!
Third day is said to be our last day,
Here he comes saying, “Babe, I’m sorry”
Can I make love with you now?
I believe you, I swear- bow.
Babe, it’s my third day, please go away.
July 4, 2013
Some people believe that some women aren’t in good mood during their monthly period. But, for me, I don’t know;))))) . What I know is, I just love sleeping during these days. I’m always so so sleepy;))))))).
This was especially inspired by the Day One Poem writing contest of my dearest poet sis Linda. The poem was closed when I was about to enter. Anyway, I’m still sharing it with you trying my best again to make you smile. I hope you’ll like it & I hope I did this limerick right. It’s my second attempt to write this form. Thank you so much & have a nice weekend!
A young girl called Freya it’s said
Had ginger hair all over her head
Her dad of her was fond
He said it’s strawberry blond
Not ginger and certainly not red
Our nieces daughter is Ginger haired but her dad is adamant she is not so wrote this for him.
There once was a young lass named Mary,
Whose lips were as sweet as a cherry.
Boys lined up to kiss her,
But then they dismissed her,
Cause Mary was just too darn hairy!
For Andrea' s Perfect Limerick II
Connie is actually a good girl.
She races horses around a barrel.
Why? I really do not know.
It’s some kind of cowgirl show.
Otherwise, Connie is a normal girl.
Limerick : Once a Little Girl and her Sister
Once a little girl and her sister
Went out for a walk in a bluster
Little girl lost her way
Big sister blew away
With a Mister who wore a whisker.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Stop by for a six-pack of beer
‘Hello!’ Smiles the pretty cashier
‘May I see your ID?
(Are you KIDDING me?
You just made my day AND my year!)
‘Store policy’ She says with a blush
(Is she FLIRTING? Does she have a crush?)
Intuition grows crisper
When I hear a soft whisper
‘Anyway, are you in a big rush?’
There once was a skinny horse name George.
Poor ole soul lived alone in a gorge.
Three fit sheep came his way.
They were traded that day.
Matted, bony, his belly engorged.
Onward He forged, living on the brink.
I’ll save him, one young maiden did think.
Head hung; life was his game.
George, his infamous name.
She prayed; from his needs, she did not shrink.
George would not drink; lips were cracked and dry.
She asked God, “Please don’t let him die.”
Water was his kismet.
Sweet feed filled hope’s bucket.
She cut out mats; whisked away each fly.
Six months later, George was still alive.
Lips were moist; he ate; began to thrive.
With some flesh on his bones,
And relieved of his groans,
The day of her moving would arrive.
The time came when George had to be sold.
Half Arabian, not very old
The old trader’s capers,
You promised them, the young girl cajoled.
How could he live; does he have luster?
Papers lost; no death by distemper.
Confessions on that day,
The girl went away.
Compassion to the horse did whisper.
New owners bought him, his health still poor.
His price and potential was the big lure.
They quickly changed his name.
Greener pastures, the game.
Star’s beauty became his life’s encore.
© June 7, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: A Horse Story
Sponsored by: Carol Brown
(Based on a true story)
THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL FROM FRANCE
WHO DANCED ON STAGE WITH NO PANTS
SHE SHOWED OFF HER TUSH
BUT NEVER HER BUSH
SHE LEFT THE CROWD IN A TRANCE
Once a girl with a big butt
Went on a diet to lose a lot
She stopped eating and shoving food
Thinking it was good
She became bigger and fatter for she was knocked up on the spot
i have this friend back in high school
she was known to be one of the most beautiful
people didn't notice it's just her make-up
and when a sudden rain came and wash her face up
poor creature, she was laughed by all
There once was a girl petite
Who wasn't all that sweet
But was the one
Simply just HAD to meet
There once was a girl name of Hood
who walked tall, as every girl should.
She tossed over her head
a cover of bright red
and ventured out into the wood.
She carried a black riding crop
and critters she’s stop with a pop.
But, Ole Dracula saw her
and made her his daughter
Now, the blood bank is her first stop.
Well, sweet Red, she still loved her Grandma
so, though pale she went with a camera.
But who did she find
that awfull nighttime
in the cottage, was it her Grandma???
Red Riding hood took a look see?
beneath the night cap, who was she?
Long teeth, she had four,
her hands, they were paws
So Red fed, with a “Tee hee hee hee!”
*Little Red Riding Hood spoof for "Happily Ever After?"
And then we have Red Riding Hood
That girl was sure up to no good
For she laid a trail
Her granny to nail
By a wolf as she knew he would
Then this little girl had the nerve
From everything I could observe
To have him done in
Because of his grin
She didn’t get what she deserved
No, she got her very own story
A heroine in all her glory
Instead of thanked
She should have been spanked
For it was a story too gory
My valentine ever to be.
The girl of my dreams came to me.
She wanted to play
so I had to pay.
Satisfaction is guaranteed
My valentine's price was too much.
Her business kept all men in touch.
Appointments were made
Men met in the shade.
A call girl I found out as such!
My valentine's not what she said.
I found out her heart was not red.
She took all I had.
But man she was bad.
Was worth it I took her to bed!!
Written for Francine Roberts Valentine's Day Limerick
THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL FROM FRANCE
ON THE STREET SHE WOULD SING AND DANCE
ONE DAY THERE WAS SUCH A HUSH
‘CAUSE SHE SHOWED A BIT OF TUSH
WHEN SHE RIPPED OUT THE SEAM OF HER PANTS
there once was a girl that lived in Brussels
she married a man now they're the Russel's
she was kind of a geek
he was more than weak
she with no brains him without muscles
November, 14, 2014
A Girl On A Mission
There once was a gal who sold china
Tested rockets in her vagina
She sat on one hard though
It made her a martyr
Blasting her & her china to China
6/24/14 Bawdy Limericks II Contest
There once was a girl who fell to the ground
with a mighty rumble and frightening sound
for the jeans that she wore
fit when she lay on the floor
for her rear asset had become quite round
There once was a girl who asked her friend
"do I look to fat in my legs and back end"
"of course you don't," he said
a sweet slice of buttered bread
for those tasty 501's I'd befriend
Two separate Limericks
A Nette Onclaud Contest
"Its in the Jeans"
Poet ~ Rick Parise
My heart is closed and will never open again, because it have been hurt it have been stifled
by whom? a girl I thought was precious to me, played me and tarnish my heart and reputation
I know it is not right for revenge but for the fortunate things I have done for her
will not go in thoughts or memories but will surely be avenged
she broke my heart
she threw away my love
I thought she was my desire
she who I aspire
love sometimes can be a heart-ache but what she have done to me should be termed as cruelty, sadness
which have lead my love in darkness
never to love again
from here my love has decayed "HOOPS" it has rotten, vanquish never again to return to the bright light
a love that has now hidden behind a shield, can you believe this? so many times have been wasted
a girl who used my love for her own purpose
my love was just for her
just for her
and look what happen I am in pain
a loss received no gain
it's over the truth is no longer concealed your lying has now been revealed
do you know how I really feel?
a heart broken
a love that will never be the same
shove away by you in disgrace and shamed, all along you were using me as your toy, your little puppet
your self-driven casino game, there is no one to blame
who became blind by love from the beginning
and was quite foolish to see this not coming, you rip my heart apart
then you quickly took away yourself like a plane you depart
you broke my heart when the moving vehicles collide
which signaled that your fake love would slide
from the start you knew what you were doing you slowly plan a plot
and quickly took your stride
yes! you have surely won, you have taken away my pride
GOODBYE! it's sad to know my love has died.
Grandma, the little girl said
Where do we go when we’re dead?
We go with God up in heaven
She told the young girl of seven
And gently patted the top of her head.
Then my goldfish who died I can say
Is with God up in heaven today
Little brother yelled no
I know that ain’t so
Cause I saw mommy flush him away!
DOWNTOWN WHERE GIRLS DANCE ON POLES
FOR A PRICE THEY’LL BARE THEIR SOULS
THEY’LL SIT ON YOUR LAP
YOU’LL GO FAP FAP FAP
UNTIL YOU LOOSE YOUR CONTROL
A silly poem for my Katie Bear:
Wow, can you believe we've reached month TEN
Would someone be so kind as to hand me a PEN?
For i think it's time to send you a poem filled with LOVE
There's no doubt in my mind your a gift from ABOVE.
I love this girl with all my HEART
That's why it kills me to be APART
So far we've come, just look how much we CARE
Even though i no longer have blue HAIR.
For something has grown, something much DEEPER
as my grandpa says "This one's a KEEPER"
The people at work say "is she the one?"
I just smile and say if she laughs at my pun!
Now i know this is SILLY
and you'll sit and say "REALLY?"
But yes, really, my feelings are TRUE
the only girl i want is YOU
cheers to us, and to many years more
to a love that lasts through rich and poor
To growing old, and in each others arms falling asleep
I'd smile at your slumbering frame as you make not a peep
So one last time, happy anniversary
I promise i'll go buy all of the groceries
There was a young girl who was shy
Until she found the right Guy
They started to date
Which sealed up her fate
On finding that she’d become late
Samantha once scampered a tree
To see whatever she could see.
So far up did she boost
That an owl came to roost
On Sammy's precarious knee.
The girl was puckered up to be kissed
Said he was tired, and she was dissed,
With her eyes full of fire
She let air out his tire,
So don't mess with girlfriend when she's pissed.
Debbie is trying to get a man
Today she came up with a new plan,
Wore a sexy number
Tons of make-up on her,
Then to the corner she went to stand.
Cousin Joan is as flaky as biscuit
Always have cameras in her basket,
She just strolls around town
Taking pics all day long,
'Cause the signs says to "Click it or Ticket."
GIVE ME A SCREW
One little Call girl sat in the pew
Was so sad, didn't know what to do,
Along came her Pastor
And sat down beside her,
Held out her hand, "Please give me a screw!"
Her watch band was broken!! What did you think... lol..
There once was a girl named Flo
That every man wanted to know
They went in for a while
And came out with a smile
The girl was like St Nick's Ho! Ho! Ho!
There once was a girl named Ana,
Who loved to eat ice cream and banana,
THen her treat did disappear,
And Ana shed some tears,
Everyone felt bad for Ana Banana,
There once was a boy named Peter,
Who was known as the school's best cheater,
One day he was caught,
And detention he got,
Everyone felt bad for Peter the Cheater.
There once was a boy named Michael,
Who had a new motorcycle,
He went on a ride,
And fell off the side,
Everyone felt bad for Michael.
There once was a girl named Fina,
WHo dreamed she was a ballerina,
She would gracefully twirl,
Until she could hurl,
Everyone felt bad for Fina.