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Woman Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Woman

These Woman Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Woman. These are the best examples of Woman Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Senryu |

When a Man Loves a Woman: A Male Black Widow's Perspective

Gladly would I die
for your love, my dear...No! Wait!
Just kidding! Just kid...

For Andrea's 'Show me the funny' contest

Details | Narrative |

Call Me Gonzo

For thoose of you who may not know.
Just call me gonzo I write the absurd for life is insane and sometimes 
it takes a madman to speak the truth so very clear.

I write for the broken vacant faces that have lost all hope.
To the dreamer who's well is slowley running dry from everyone
telling him to stop wasting his time.

I write like a endless highway fueled by whiskey and wild women 
every adventure leads to pain but life is pain and i love in spite of it.

I thirst for every unseen mile the desert my brother it's people dwell
in the spirt of the west the opium parlors and brothels spirt still linger.
I write with a hint of danger and a promise of disaster.

Im a blues player whos trying to out run the devil.
Im a outlaw riding to cross the border a woman looking to the 
empty range for my return.

I write because I breath in a world were the creative air has gone 
The bottle sits apon table and I welcome any strangers company
I just rather that stranger be a warm woman instead of a 
unfriendly amigo who is a little jelouse.

Write to be more than just part of the highways landscape.
Some may call me crude crazy insane some even vulgar and 
liar and thief.
But aside from thoose compliments.
No matter what you may call me.
Dont ever forget to just call me gonzo.

Details | Rhyme |

herKidster, Billy Breaks Up With PD

herKidster, Billy is breaking up with PD.
Things were going very well until PD
made it clear to herKidster that PD is a she.
Now PD has an unfair advantage on me.
If I get too rough PD crys like a big cry baby,
"That was over the line Kidster. You really hurt me,"
then theKidster falls apart feeling very guilty.
I would never hurt a woman intentionally.
Well, it's been fun my little poet destroyer PD.
You should have never revealed that you were a woman to me,
but we can always continue to be friends, there's just one down side you see,
now all of your followers that I gave to you are all gonna flock back to me.
Now PD's gonna lose all of PD's popularity.
Goodbye my little poet destroyer PD.
Forever yourKidster, Wild Billy

Details | I do not know? |

A 94 year old woman kicked my ###

(This is a fictional poem)

A 94 year old woman kicked my ###.
She beat the crap out of me and left me bleeding on the grass.
Every time I got up, she knocked me down again.
She beat me really hard and I sure as hell didn't win.
The fight started when she asked me to put out my cigar.
I told her that I'd shove it up her vagina and I guess I went too far.
When she got through beating me, I had lost most of my teeth.
Now people laugh at me and all I feel is grief.

Details | Verse |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.

Details | Limerick |

The Chocolate

The Chocolate!

She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!

Details | Rhyme |

She Done Me Wrong

Every time I turn the radio on I hear a feller's plaintive song,
About his achin' heart and how his woman done him wrong!
How they once held each other close beneath the harvest moon;
Now, he sits alone caressin' a beer at Cudahey's Diner and Saloon!

He found his woman hangin' out in honky-tonks at the edge of town,
Consortin' with the local rabble tossin' whiskey sours down!
Never mind that she caught him with Hildebrun at Clyde's Greasy Spoon!
Now, he sits alone caressin' a beer at Cudahey's Diner and Saloon!

His woman tells him to stop his gamblin' at the Pot O' Gold Casino,
And if he doesn't stop and toe the line, she's headin' for a split in Reno!
He wonders where his charm has gone that once made her swoon.
Now, he sits alone caressin' a beer at Cudahey's Diner and Saloon!

He feels a pang of guilt for not providin' the kids with decent shoes,
And blowin' the grocery money on the horses, cigarettes and booze!
But can't a feller have a little fun without her ragin' like a typhoon?
Now, he sits alone caressin' a beer at Cudahey's Diner and Saloon!

He stops at Cudahey's after work and drinks until they douse the light.
He cries on Bubba the barkeep's shoulder unloadin' on him every night.
He feels as if his woman thrust through his heart a very sharp harpoon!
Now, he sits alone caressin' a beer at Cudahey's Diner and Saloon!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 3 in Paula Swanson's "Play Me A Cheatin' Song" Contest - May 2011

Details | Ballade |

Johnny Depp Wrapped in Chocolate Would Be Heaven Sent

~~Johnny Depp Wrapped in ChocolateThat Would Be Heaven Sent~~ Bonjour môn amies a ballade to write, will be my fait accompli The trials of a woman to bring love - in a village that did not play. An alluring female chocolatier opens a choclaterie-e Hated by the Mayor she wished her plans she never did lay Ooh la la !! Her dress was racy - but still they began to pay Johnny Depp was her gypsy lover when on the river they went But she had to win the love of others to fulfil plans, come what may Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. A village so French - a so called femme fatal-e She determined to change there outlook and stay Viva la difference, but one by one she turned them to see Her chocolate treats did melt in mouth - in secret they did say C’est manifique - they whispered with authority Her sweets bites bought together those she thought were meant Even though some tried to block her treats others made a silent plea Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate – that would be heaven sent. To church the lady never went an illegitimate child the Mayor did see But slowly the French ladies turned to love this alluring woman and say Her chocolate they thought magical- her raison d’etre it must be Her tête-à-têtes were to open hearts, and bring peace and love to stay Reconciliations made in her chocolate shop - their thoughts began to sway But no chocolates were they to eat, and the reason - it was lent… But those that did dare to try - found on their tongues it did dance and play But Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. Prince Depp my piece-de-resistance, is there for all to see My joie de vivre if I had been there, even though it may be lent I would have paid money just to see… Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. ©
For the Un Deux Trois contest....well at least I tried ha ha

Details | Lyric |

Viagra and Beer

Too much Viagra and beer.
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.

Country Bob's was the last club that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, but I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Nice pants.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."

A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She's still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.

When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.

You were fantastic last night;
So, I only think its right
If I supplement your diet 
With Viagra and beer."

Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Yes, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14

Details | Pantoum |

Like a football in woman's game

Just like football I am going to be chased in life's game by a bunch of ladies as if playing a football match. I am going to be chased in life's game they will rush just to touch me as if playing a football match receiving me gently in the chest. They will rush just to touch me the goalkeeper among them receiving me gently in the chest will give me sure kisses. The goalkeeper among them I am going to love her will sure give me kisses soft like a feather's touch. I am going to love her though I may get occasional kick soft like a feather's touch that is part of the game. Though I may get occasional kick I must forget the pain that is part of the game with so many cute ladies around. I must forget the pain I will be so sought after with so many cute ladies around everyone wanting to hug me. I will be so sought after by a bunch of ladies everybody wanting to hug me just like a football. © kashinath karmakar (27th June 2011) =============00============= Placement:HM (August 2011) Contest:Play Ball Sponsor:Debbie Guzzi