Lemme tell ya' about a
I met her one night
under disco lights
up at Candies
starin' at me
grittin' her teeth
aimin' ta' see
if I wanted a piece
by way of flashin' granny panties
actin' a fool
took a shot
and one tiny glance
but got caught
lit up a smoke
and tried to play it off cool
but it was too late
she had pulled up a stool
"Hey young felluh, where ya' been all my life!"
"Sorry to burst yir' bubble, but I got a wife!"
"That don't matter kid, what she don't know won't hurt the girl"
as she fisted my collar and yelled, "I'LL ROCK YIR' WORLD! Annie the Tranny is what they call me. Bet you been wanted ta' bone me since you first saw me!"
Fear and frustration danced on my face
I begged the bouncer to
"Get this he/she outta the place!"
My pleas were to no avail,
and that sea donkey lurked hot on my trail
flailin' it's arms and grindin' bar stools with it's tail
Speakin' of tails...
a shiny blue wale tail crept up her back
Her jeans were mean, but couldn't hold her underwear's elastic slack
but at least it beat feastin' eyes upon her crack
wrapped her grimy hands around my neck and asked,
"You n' me, boy, what the heck!?!"
"Look here lady, you seem real nice for a tranny;
to hit the bricks,
and yir' Granny Panties!"
At that point the joint started to really heat up
people were glarin' like they really wanted me beat up
I can't recall how the hell I got out of there
alive and free
it was like a big manly freight train
headin' dead at me
I'm pretty sure I owe the good Lord a big favor
that beast was the devil
and Jesus was my Savior!
It's a night I thought would never end...
the night at Candies Bar n' Grill
Granny Panty Annie got a thrill
tryin' to make me her sexy friend!!!
Simple Mathematics, really.
To eliminate one component
To solve a problem quickly.
I’ll form the problem into a manageable state,
By easily eliminating an unwanted variable.
Now, just what variable to eliminate?
First, I will multiply the X by two.
That’s the first step. Done, I feel fine.
I will multiply the Y too.
Now, I add my X plus X.
My Y plus Y.
That was to make sure it checks.
Now here’s the predicament (easy my shoe!)
This is my problem,
And a real head-scratcher too!
The equation adds up nicely
And the X and Y are simplified.
But, how do I eliminate my algebra homework
My darling enigma, my dove
You’re the epitome of my love
Your smile shines at me pearly white
Pale skin shines and glints in the light
Silken locks, obsidian flow
Eyes just like ice, crystalline glow
Peals of laughter ring like a bell
Enchant me; I’m under your spell
You walk with a musical flow
Tiptoeing with softness through snow
But, alas, you open your mouth
Utter tripe spilling out
If only you’d keep your mouth shut.
(Love from Anonymous)
Extraordinary, I am
Craving for unusual thoughts
Endless exploration without boundary
Understanding the gift I shouldn't fought
Invisible drawings in my mind
Playing with the words in my head
The food of my soul
I feel so lucky
The random thoughts
A lifetime companion
A self esteem builder
A goal planner
Be my forever life saver
I write more
I talk less
I want to please
I chose to bore
What tickles me the most
Is to know what I'm for
Thinking is my love
When my mind goes empty
That's when I hate
My day dreaming lust
Organizing things in my mind
Playing roles of simulation
Where images of art is my vision
And words of attitude is my heart
Cinderella Bites Back
Once upon a story; in a fairy tail
lived a shy and lonely girl
who's friends were Mop and Pail
She was really quite a clever girl,
but suffered hate and spite
until an invitation came
and she wished with all her might
‘if only I could go to the ball’
she cried when no one was around
then out of a tiny hole
she heard the faintest sound
'Of course you can go to the ball
What makes you think you can't?'
'Just because that witch said no
doesn’t mean you shan’t!'
'But my dress is in rags
My feet dirty and bare
There's nothing in my closet
that I could really wear'
‘Don't worry’ said the little mouse
for I know just the thing
By the time I've finished
you’ll have a wedding ring
'Oh no’ said Cinderella
that's not what I had in mind
I was rather hoping for a career;
a chance to serve mankind
The mouse thought for a moment
sized up her situation
'It’s not a wardrobe you need
but an education'!
So when you read this story
or listen to this tale
about a sad and lonely girl
with a mop and pail
Remember that the dream you wish
or star you hope to find
has always been there with you,
tucked safely in your mind!
I do not know?
The only one
My heart hopped,
Or I should say ‘stopped’,
I was shocked,
Because with me, he talked!
It’s me, the only one,
Whom he chose,
I’m the luckiest one on the earth,
It is like he has given me a red rose!
I was surprised, he’s so cute!
I stared at him, my voice mute,
It was like I was on cloud nine,
As if we were going to dine!
I was fully filled with glee,
The other girls did envy me,
He’s the handsomest, of all men,
And I said, “Yes, you can take my pen.”
I do not know?
Just a few more sips
And I'm loving the taste of you on my lips
I like the way you move in my mouth
And when you start to head down south
You are the one I love in deed
Because Coca-Cola you're all I need.
I do not know?
This is a poem in class
3rd period to be exact
Lotion smelling all good
Because it’s seaweed extract
With my red K- Swiss
Other girls envy
‘cus they wish they could taste this.
And lace this
Ladies just face it
Me myself is too complex
And y’all are too basic
I’m confident in my looks
That’s me being honest
Some say I am handsome
I say “No” to be modest
6 foot and 1 inch tall
Most haters want to test me
Blatant and/or indirectly
It makes me feel good when their girls say I’m sexy
But check me
Outside of my school
I’m a fresh young man
Even in my uniform I look cool
I am so self-confident
I am not conceited
I will remain the same
Even when my looks are depleted
Besides all the crime and drama
I love this world.
‘Cus behind every guy like myself
Is a sexy ass girl
I know a dollar worth of dimes
But only one of them is mine
And when ol’ girl step on the scene
The whole scene shine
She hot like fire
She makes other niggaz melt
‘Cus them niggaz wish they
Could feel what I felt
As my heart moves
To the beat of her drums
Her hotness gives me heartburn
Now I am taking Tums
Not the original
But extra pain relief
She has the mythical booty…I mean beauty
The goes beyond belief
I got a queen in the making
Sizzling like bacon
Every other couple compared to us
Is just faking and waiting
Waiting for their time to shine
And the chance to recover what’s mine
They are mad because
Their status in society has declined
It’s plain to see
They want to be where I be at
They will never be like us
But why can’t they see that?
White board…names written hori-
To go pee…right when class starts –
THAT’S just wrong…
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!
Not using lunchtime to do
No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***
"Storm over yet...?"
"Well hay'ell ye'ah!
sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
whadda'bou that boy th'er?
sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"
"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"
na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm!
torna'durr warnin' too!
he gonna have him'a cole burr;
mama, git him'a cole burr!
ta'days father's day!"
© 2011 ~JSLambert Esquire