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Funny Romance Poems | Funny Poems About Romance

These Funny Romance poems are examples of Funny poems about Romance. These are the best examples of Funny Romance poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Where Frozen Embers Still Burn : The Funny Version

where frozen embers still burn
my doctor says is a thing you earn
i ask him if it is a large mass
as he quietly looks up my ass

i politely tell him it is on this side not there
he says he is being thorough there a pair
true i guess though i'm sure one hangs lower
much lower than the other up and over

where frozen embers still burn
i thought had cleared up in my youth
i knew i shouldn't have slept with Ruth
i should have done an about turn

everyone warned me about her
in fact that's why i courted her
what they thought i should fear
sounded like music to my ear

i lost the other ear while i was out hunting
there's a frozen ember i still hear ringing
just then i hear the Doc yell with an echo
his face still behind me his mouth down low

its not your balls those are hemorrhoids
boy their big they must be on steroids
be sensitive there sir those are my parts
makes you want to release a couple of farts

where frozen hemorrhoids burn and hang
no woman should yearn to touch or bang
i'll get them removed my dear lassies
don't mind mine and i won't your falsies
 
if per chance this deep poetry i just penned
has got you hot and thinking of my tight end
where frozen embers still burn my heart is yours
a woman as special as you this old man adores


Details | Narrative | |

Granny Panty Annie, the Tranny

Lemme tell ya' about a
*ding-bat skit-zo 
bee-hotch* tranny
named Annie...

I met her one night 
under disco lights 
up at Candies

She was 
starin' at me
grittin' her teeth
aimin' ta' see 
if I wanted a piece
of he 
OR
of she 
by way of flashin' granny panties

She was
shootin' pool
actin' a fool
so I 
took a shot
and one tiny glance 
but got caught

So I
lit up a smoke
and tried to play it off cool
but it was too late
she had pulled up a stool

She slurred,
"Hey young felluh, where ya' been all my life!"

I replied, 
"Sorry to burst yir' bubble, but I got a wife!"

"That don't matter kid, what she don't know won't hurt the girl" 
as she fisted my collar and yelled, "I'LL ROCK YIR' WORLD! Annie the Tranny is what they call me. Bet you been wanted ta' bone me since you first saw me!"

Fear and frustration danced on my face
I begged the bouncer to 
"Get this he/she outta the place!"

My pleas were to no avail, 
and that sea donkey lurked hot on my trail
flailin' it's arms and grindin' bar stools with it's tail

Speakin' of tails...
a shiny blue wale tail crept up her back
Her jeans were mean, but couldn't hold her underwear's elastic slack
but at least it beat feastin' eyes upon her crack
then she... 
wrapped her grimy hands around my neck and asked, 
"You n' me, boy, what the heck!?!"

I screamed,
"Look here lady, you seem real nice for a tranny;
but...
ya' see...
ya' need 
to hit the bricks,
you
and yir' Granny Panties!"

At that point the joint started to really heat up
people were glarin' like they really wanted me beat up
I can't recall how the hell I got out of there 
alive and free
it was like a big manly freight train
headin' dead at me

I'm pretty sure I owe the good Lord a big favor
that beast was the devil
and Jesus was my Savior!

It's a night I thought would never end... 
the night at Candies Bar n' Grill
Granny Panty Annie got a thrill 
tryin' to make me her sexy friend!!!




Details | Limerick | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


Details | Rhyme | |

one-sided romance

I put you on a pedestal;
You take me down a notch.
I love you with an aching heart,
You know it never stops.
You are my one my only,
You probably have a few.
Well, today, I think I’ll say
I really don’t need you.


Details | Lyric | |

A poem for YOU

In this world of Uncertainties I’m the man that you can trust And in my words of sincerity That my love would never last. And if you could only feel, what i feel for you You can ask me “why?” so you can see the truth Like our love that tightens the rope, Like a light that would give us hope. As you watch the dark skies Let me grab the moon for you, And as I catch the bright stars That’s the way you can see me through As this planet turns as it always will And things go wrong and you don’t know what to feel Hold my hand for it will make us strong Like a wind, we will carry on The wind blow that sings a hymn for you For they know what does love means for the two Love is blind, and not deaf So how’s success if you’re not ready to bet? In this poem with full of rhymes, A full of love, Babe can you be mine? I don’t expect too much from you Why should I? If you complete my whole. “Till death do us part” that’s what they have said But why do struggles crash them ahead? Don’t ask me when my love will last, To count all of our quarrels, is that a must? Now and Forever is all that I promise No day dreaming and without reminiscence As the matter of time, as the time passes by Together we stand, together you and I
A poem for my Girlfriend for our anniversary :) pls comment and rate... you are free to judge and criticize my work :) God Bless


Details | Limerick | |

He Tickled Her Pink

There once was a raven haired Shrink
Who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink

While her scarlet souled Beau
Sucked her tinted red Toe

And she paled when he tickled her Pink.


Details | Sonnet | |

Shall I Compare Thee to Your Mother's Arse

Shall I compare thee to your mother's arse?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent

Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.

But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Retired Romance 1st of sequence- " IKE " and Jane "

...Now I ain't without notoriety,
Fact is.. I'm an old stalker with a walker.
She was big in the Purple Hat Society
and broke her hip,...while playing soccer.

When I met her, she was on the mend,
and she knew.. what I was after...
and I said I'd catch her when I can,
She said to push that walker a lil' faster.

She had her a "lectric wheel chair,
I just had my old walker and me,
she was pretty fast for a blue hair...
"till I crashed into her I.V. tree...

Well, they fitted my leg with plaster,
and I kinda forgot what I was after...
"till one day,
she wheeled in to see me,
Yep.  Said she'd come ta free me!

Now we sit together,
cozy up and talk about the weather.
We compare wrinkled tatoos,
and guess what they are,
we may share a shot of booze,
we don't go too awful far...

We keep our orthepedic shoes
under the same bed,
and I retired as a walker stalker,
meals on wheels keeps us fed
and we keep our teeth...
in the very same locker.

("Nite Nite, Darlin.")


                                            Composed and Written by-
                                                   Robert A. Dufresne


Details | Verse | |

Enigma's Calling

Extraordinary, I am 
Craving for unusual thoughts
Endless exploration without boundary
Understanding  the gift I shouldn't fought
 
Invisible drawings in my mind
Playing with the words in my head
My passion
The food of my soul
 
I feel so lucky
The random thoughts
A lifetime companion
A self esteem builder
A goal planner
Be my forever life saver
 
I write more
I talk less
I want to please
I chose to bore
 
What tickles me the most
Is to know what I'm for
Thinking is my love
When  my mind goes empty
That's when I hate
 
My day dreaming lust
Organizing things in my mind
Playing roles of simulation
Where images of art is my vision
And words of attitude is my heart


Details | Senryu | |

FISHING GONE HORRIBLY WRONG


casting out my line
to catch the favored one
only a shoe lured


Details | Rhyme | |

KISS

Kiss saves and kills
Drop by drop KISS increases 
To form an ocean of EMOTION 
EMOTION in love billows
Around many pillows 
With PASSION it is POWERED 
You lose control over your EMOTION 
Your EMOTION now sets you in MOTION
To the journey of no return. 
You may ask, What is bad in it? 
The bad IN it is at the END of it!


Details | Rhyme | |

Shameful Morning

not sure how she got here 
only know she needs to leave

underneath the stranger 
my arm numb; asleep, 
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry 

princess of night 
exposed by light. 
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess. 

bed broken
along with my will. 
I swore never again; 
the lie is half the thrill.

~JSLambert


Details | I do not know? | |

The only one

                                                        The only one

My heart hopped,
Or I should say ‘stopped’,
I was shocked,
Because with me, he talked!

It’s me, the only one,
Whom he chose,
I’m the luckiest one on the earth,
It is like he has given me a red rose!

I was surprised, he’s so cute!
I stared at him, my voice mute,
It was like I was on cloud nine,
As if we were going to dine!

I was fully filled with glee,
The other girls did envy me,
He’s the handsomest, of all men,
And I said, “Yes, you can take my pen.”


Details | Rhyme | |

Who says romance is dead

Who says romance is dead?

What is this romance? Did it die as they often said?
No, I think not, I don’t think romance is dead.

He holds the car door open for me, but only to let me out.
He puts the keys in the lock for me, so none hears him shout.

He talks to me of all his wishes, but that's so he doesn’t have time for kisses.
He soothes my brow when I am stressed, but that’s so he can get a rest.

My tea he makes just how I like it, no milk or sugar and hot.
He says he does it that way; otherwise, I would like it - not.

He holds my hand to stop me wandering far far away,
Then he lets go as we cross the lanes on the busy dual carriage way. 

He introduces me as “The Missis”
This love of mine so full of kisses,

He kisses everyone he sees, to show that he is faithful
He doesn’t need to kiss me, unless he wants to be playful.

Romance isn’t dead, I can be assured
In his love for me he will not be deterred.

He loves me now still quite a lot,
But that may be because of the money I’ve got.


Details | I do not know? | |

Your Mistake

'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.

But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
Deep regrets.

The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat

That in turn 
Led ya to
Beleiving that
He 'accepted' you.

Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...

But no!
He's perfect
And no! He's kind
Seriouslly sister
You've lost your mind.

The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.

The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!


Details | Bio | |

Gol Gappa In Hindi Version

khud ko ek gol-gappa samajh raha hoon yaaron,
haha! kya karun aaj insaan banne mein maza nahi hai.
niche maal road par use gol-gappe khate dekha, 
bas tabse gol-gappon ka deewana ho chuka hoon. 
do pal usne taanka bhi, to darr sa laga,
lekin fir uski muskurahat ne, himmat bhi di.
tabhi toh nahi, lekin uske jaane ke baad gol-gappon par toot pada.
usi thele par, pata nahi plate wohi thi ya nahi.
khaate-khaate aankhon se paani aa gaya, 
par uska ehsaas mujhe aur khaane par majbur kar raha tha.
jab aankhon mein itna paani bhaar gaya ki uske saare khwab beh gaye.
tab maine gol-gappon par rok lagayi.
saala baadme pata chala kal college ke liye toh paise bache hi nahi.
koi baat nahi dost kab aayeinge,
saalon ko khilaaya bhi toh hai, 
toh khane ka bhi haq rakhta hoon.
kal unki band bajaoounga.
aansuon ne uske khwaab toh baha diye par iss dil se uski yaadon ko kaise nikaloon.
aaj yaaron lagta hai firse neend nahi aayegi,
mahina bhar tanhai me jeena padega,
koi baat nahi ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai.
waise lagta hai ab mujhe gol-gappon se bhi pyaar ho gaya hai. ha!ha!
bas khuda se yahi ek guzarish hai ke, kal ko woh jalebi khaate huye na mill jaye.
mujhe besh nafrat hai mithi cheezon se.
kaise khaoonga main.........jalebi shayyyyyyyy! hatt yaar!##
agar mithe mein kuch pasand hai toh bas khusboo.
wo bhi jab woh khud mere kareeb aati hai tab.
ek ajeeb si mehek hai yaaron usme.
nahin yaar! har ladki perfume ya deo nahi lagati.
bas wohi uski khusboo aur kuch mitha pasand nahi hai,
chahe wo cheez cadbury dairy milk hi ho.
khair aap log pak gaye hoge, so jaao. subh raatri.
waise mujhe toh neend nahi aanewali hai,
haan yaar! kahaan uske yeh sapne chain se sone denge?
khair aap so lijiye.


Details | Free verse | |

My Sweet Camel Toe, Where'd you Go

Where'd you go?
oh where did you go
my precious camel toe?

played me like a fiddle
with your bubbly middle
you're such a skanky hoe
but I love you so
camel toe
camel toe

we had magic
we had fire
purple sweatpants my desire
come back camel toe

victory! camel toe
you're the villain 
you're the winner
with your puffy 
wedgied center

camel toe
camel toe

you're my sassy hoe
you're my Christmas snow
gone like cold wind blows
with your return
my member grows

I miss my camel toe
baby 
where'd you go?
sweaty sweetie 
camel toe


Details | I do not know? | |

The break up- Footle contest

Cold stares
heart tares


Details | Clerihew | |

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian is a beaut, but we all know that she can be a sloot.
She was with Ray J for his dime, now their affair has ended up online.
She looks a bit like her Mom but in her prime.
Sorry Kris, it's past your time.


Details | Rhyme | |

im just gonna snap okay get over it

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant


Details | List | |

I love

I love your soft kisses.I love firm but gentle touch.  I love the way you bite your lip.I love you soooooo much.
 I love the way you look at me.I love the way you smile.  I love the way you're shy sometimes,Every once and a while.
 I love it when you look at me, When I'm not looking at you.  You think I do not realize it, But really...I do.
 I love the way you cuddle. I love the way you sleep.  I love how you bite your lip when something turns you on. I love the way you rub your neck,when you are thinking so deep.
I love all of you,Your nose, your lips, your hair, even your smelly feet.  I love how you drink Dr Pepper. Morning noon and night.  I love how if someone puts me down your always there first one there ready to fight.  I will never stop loving you. You are so amazingly sweet.
 I love that I love you.I have loved you from the very start.  I LOVE ALL OF YOU,You alone hold the key to my heart.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”

ALTERNATE LAST VERSE

“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Proposal

The sun was shining brightly 
As we drove around his land
And showing me his kingdom 
First, before he asked my hand

We stopped for cake and coffee 
It was almost half past two
And that tall man was shaking
When he told me I love you

He gently bent to kiss me 
His lips began shaking fast
I thought this was the moment
That he would ask me at last 

We climbed inside his Audi
Driving slowly to his farm
I thought this was the moment
When he gently touched my arm

But no, he was just helping 
Me kindly into the house 
We both walk in together 
Was he playing cat and mouse

At six o’clock he brought me 
Out to watch him milk the cows 
And sitting on the stone fence 
I watched as he fed the sows

I never thought he’d ask me
As I sat perched on my thrown 
Then came, will you marry me
And his farm became my home 

I know that’s not romantic 
In this land of poetry 
But standing in the manure 
Was better than bended knee

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 
09.23.2014
Contest: Will you Marry Me
Judy Konos
1st


Details | Epic | |

My Bitter Sweet Dance With A Stranger

She rotates under the balance of my hands sweet memories we derive unfamiliar dance steps, mistakes already reaching five but with the reception of her smile, I thrive. The stream of her tender archive into it I completely dive even when our minds sometimes disagree with the jive mysteriously to our pleasure, both hearts connive. Gradually clicking and stepping the motion is set, we drive our bodies, dependent on each other like the bee and its hive envious cohesion, sweet emotions and heated passions we unconsciously contrive our heartbeat, impulses and gazes taking over despite the melody of the music so alive. The licks of our skins and my loan of her waist are taking this dance to a level we won’t survive a lot in both minds which all stimulate and also deprive. Our thoughts so secretive yet having one loud voice as we strive the gossip of my body rhythm says it all “I am so ready to swive” The bell of caution rings my senses and morality revive as the sign of a “no trespass” is conspicuous on her delightful finger.


Details | Double Dactyl | |

Valentines day

Hearts to you-hearts to you
What can be said about
Valentines day that's not
been said before?

Only to say that I 
love you so much that I
uncatagorically
gave up my whore.


Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

Dat lady

Inspired by shall I compare thee to a summers day (Sonnet 18)

Shall I meet thee on a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely than my usual mate.
Rough winds do shake your darling buds of May,
But summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of Helen shines,
And often the shade of my deception dims;
But Helen’s keenly watching sight declines,
By chance, or God’s allowance of my whims.

But thy infernal summer shall soon fade
And lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
And death shall brag thou serv'est as his maid,
Thine face shall host eternal lines that grow’st
So long as man can breathe or eyes can see,
So shall fair maidens congregate to me. 


Details | Limerick | |

Deal Or No Deal

<                             Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
                               Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~  all found in one big pail
                               Husband said had nice rack
                               Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
                               Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail 



Written by
Katherine Stella 
9/8/2012                              
                             
Entry For
Skat's
A Poets Garage Sale
GL ALL


Details | Rhyme | |

Just A Couplet Of Lovers

Just A Couplet od Lovers        by JTCurtis   Oct 8, 2014



As I hop upon my Metaphor 
I hope I still have Rhyme
I need to make the last Quatrain 
Which leaves at ten 'til nine
My Haiku's waiting for me
I Lyric her so much
That I, bought a mixed bouquet for her
Of Triolets and such

A gift wrapped Box of Canzone
I know she'll like to eat
Those Blitz', Choka, Clerihew's 
Are Villanelle sweet
One day I hope to buy her
A huge Diamante ring
And List forever, in a world
That's Free Verse-ever-ing 


Details | Free verse | |

Consumer Complaint

Stop resenting me
For the way I shop
The things I do 
To make sure 
My  food is fresh

I confess I feel blueberries
In my fingers
To make sure they are firm
Not too ripe

I confess I shake 
Cans of spaghetti and ravioli
So that I know 
The sauce is not 
Congealed

I confess I pull  frozen waffles
From the back of the freezer
Less likely that they thawed
And refroze into 
Oddball shapes

I confess I smell trout
Before I buy it
Placing it against my nose
In the most unabashed 
Way

Spare me your hate 
About my consumer habits
When I know it has nothing to do with
Food

As long as I bring you warm release
In the darkness of your desires
Pull your tangled hair the way 
You like 
Bite your darting tongue 
In mad hunger 
Deep appetite

As long as I reawaken the 
Woman 
Primal animal hidden 
Within
Turn your heat into a river
For a long passionate
Swim

As long as I attend quickly to your
Every lusty command
The craving of your nympho
Insatiable 
Demand 

Then  I can squeeze french bread
In quiet and peace
I can sniff cantaloupes
Without suffering ire 
Or grief

I’ll take you tonight 
In that filthy way 
You like

Until then

Leave me alone 

I’m shopping.


Details | Quatrain | |

Black Widow--trochee

Black Widow


We made love in the arbour
And loft--out of sight,
Then three times at the harbour
As the day turned night.

Let's go into the parlour
In the candle light,
There's no more time for ardour.
I'm ready to--Bite!

©
5/08/2012
Trochee
a/b/a/b
7/5/7/5
Andrea's contest:"Trochee"
*Note: the black widow spider is known for killing and eating her male counterpart after she has exhausted him from all the 'love making'--mating.