Lemme tell ya' about a
I met her one night
under disco lights
up at Candies
starin' at me
grittin' her teeth
aimin' ta' see
if I wanted a piece
by way of flashin' granny panties
actin' a fool
took a shot
and one tiny glance
but got caught
lit up a smoke
and tried to play it off cool
but it was too late
she had pulled up a stool
"Hey young felluh, where ya' been all my life!"
"Sorry to burst yir' bubble, but I got a wife!"
"That don't matter kid, what she don't know won't hurt the girl"
as she fisted my collar and yelled, "I'LL ROCK YIR' WORLD! Annie the Tranny is what they call me. Bet you been wanted ta' bone me since you first saw me!"
Fear and frustration danced on my face
I begged the bouncer to
"Get this he/she outta the place!"
My pleas were to no avail,
and that sea donkey lurked hot on my trail
flailin' it's arms and grindin' bar stools with it's tail
Speakin' of tails...
a shiny blue wale tail crept up her back
Her jeans were mean, but couldn't hold her underwear's elastic slack
but at least it beat feastin' eyes upon her crack
wrapped her grimy hands around my neck and asked,
"You n' me, boy, what the heck!?!"
"Look here lady, you seem real nice for a tranny;
to hit the bricks,
and yir' Granny Panties!"
At that point the joint started to really heat up
people were glarin' like they really wanted me beat up
I can't recall how the hell I got out of there
alive and free
it was like a big manly freight train
headin' dead at me
I'm pretty sure I owe the good Lord a big favor
that beast was the devil
and Jesus was my Savior!
It's a night I thought would never end...
the night at Candies Bar n' Grill
Granny Panty Annie got a thrill
tryin' to make me her sexy friend!!!
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
...Now I ain't without notoriety,
Fact is.. I'm an old stalker with a walker.
She was big in the Purple Hat Society
and broke her hip,...while playing soccer.
When I met her, she was on the mend,
and she knew.. what I was after...
and I said I'd catch her when I can,
She said to push that walker a lil' faster.
She had her a "lectric wheel chair,
I just had my old walker and me,
she was pretty fast for a blue hair...
"till I crashed into her I.V. tree...
Well, they fitted my leg with plaster,
and I kinda forgot what I was after...
"till one day,
she wheeled in to see me,
Yep. Said she'd come ta free me!
Now we sit together,
cozy up and talk about the weather.
We compare wrinkled tatoos,
and guess what they are,
we may share a shot of booze,
we don't go too awful far...
We keep our orthepedic shoes
under the same bed,
and I retired as a walker stalker,
meals on wheels keeps us fed
and we keep our teeth...
in the very same locker.
("Nite Nite, Darlin.")
Composed and Written by-
Robert A. Dufresne
There once was a raven haired Shrink
Who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink
While her scarlet souled Beau
Sucked her tinted red Toe
And she paled when he tickled her Pink.
Shall I compare thee to your mother's arse?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent
Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.
But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.
Extraordinary, I am
Craving for unusual thoughts
Endless exploration without boundary
Understanding the gift I shouldn't fought
Invisible drawings in my mind
Playing with the words in my head
The food of my soul
I feel so lucky
The random thoughts
A lifetime companion
A self esteem builder
A goal planner
Be my forever life saver
I write more
I talk less
I want to please
I chose to bore
What tickles me the most
Is to know what I'm for
Thinking is my love
When my mind goes empty
That's when I hate
My day dreaming lust
Organizing things in my mind
Playing roles of simulation
Where images of art is my vision
And words of attitude is my heart
Kiss saves and kills
Drop by drop KISS increases
To form an ocean of EMOTION
EMOTION in love billows
Around many pillows
With PASSION it is POWERED
You lose control over your EMOTION
Your EMOTION now sets you in MOTION
To the journey of no return.
You may ask, What is bad in it?
The bad IN it is at the END of it!
not sure how she got here
only know she needs to leave
underneath the stranger
my arm numb; asleep,
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry
princess of night
exposed by light.
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess.
along with my will.
I swore never again;
the lie is half the thrill.
I do not know?
The only one
My heart hopped,
Or I should say ‘stopped’,
I was shocked,
Because with me, he talked!
It’s me, the only one,
Whom he chose,
I’m the luckiest one on the earth,
It is like he has given me a red rose!
I was surprised, he’s so cute!
I stared at him, my voice mute,
It was like I was on cloud nine,
As if we were going to dine!
I was fully filled with glee,
The other girls did envy me,
He’s the handsomest, of all men,
And I said, “Yes, you can take my pen.”
Who says romance is dead?
What is this romance? Did it die as they often said?
No, I think not, I don’t think romance is dead.
He holds the car door open for me, but only to let me out.
He puts the keys in the lock for me, so none hears him shout.
He talks to me of all his wishes, but that's so he doesn’t have time for kisses.
He soothes my brow when I am stressed, but that’s so he can get a rest.
My tea he makes just how I like it, no milk or sugar and hot.
He says he does it that way; otherwise, I would like it - not.
He holds my hand to stop me wandering far far away,
Then he lets go as we cross the lanes on the busy dual carriage way.
He introduces me as “The Missis”
This love of mine so full of kisses,
He kisses everyone he sees, to show that he is faithful
He doesn’t need to kiss me, unless he wants to be playful.
Romance isn’t dead, I can be assured
In his love for me he will not be deterred.
He loves me now still quite a lot,
But that may be because of the money I’ve got.
I do not know?
'Love is patient'
'Love is kind'
The thought of love
Can turn you blind.
But... Now we must
Take some steps
To verify those
The first problem you see
Was that. . .
He lied about
You being fat
That in turn
Led ya to
He 'accepted' you.
Mirrors were made
For a darn good reason
And thinking you are nothing special
Is high, high treason...
And no! He's kind
You've lost your mind.
The recipe to love Is that
You have to love your self.
It's not about your facial features
Or the size of ya belt.
The man should be a rock to lean on
And not! A heartless swine.
So please next time. Do pick him wisely
Make sure he has a spine!
Kim Kardashian is a beaut, but we all know that she can be a sloot.
She was with Ray J for his dime, now their affair has ended up online.
She looks a bit like her Mom but in her prime.
Sorry Kris, it's past your time.
khud ko ek gol-gappa samajh raha hoon yaaron,
haha! kya karun aaj insaan banne mein maza nahi hai.
niche maal road par use gol-gappe khate dekha,
bas tabse gol-gappon ka deewana ho chuka hoon.
do pal usne taanka bhi, to darr sa laga,
lekin fir uski muskurahat ne, himmat bhi di.
tabhi toh nahi, lekin uske jaane ke baad gol-gappon par toot pada.
usi thele par, pata nahi plate wohi thi ya nahi.
khaate-khaate aankhon se paani aa gaya,
par uska ehsaas mujhe aur khaane par majbur kar raha tha.
jab aankhon mein itna paani bhaar gaya ki uske saare khwab beh gaye.
tab maine gol-gappon par rok lagayi.
saala baadme pata chala kal college ke liye toh paise bache hi nahi.
koi baat nahi dost kab aayeinge,
saalon ko khilaaya bhi toh hai,
toh khane ka bhi haq rakhta hoon.
kal unki band bajaoounga.
aansuon ne uske khwaab toh baha diye par iss dil se uski yaadon ko kaise nikaloon.
aaj yaaron lagta hai firse neend nahi aayegi,
mahina bhar tanhai me jeena padega,
koi baat nahi ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai.
waise lagta hai ab mujhe gol-gappon se bhi pyaar ho gaya hai. ha!ha!
bas khuda se yahi ek guzarish hai ke, kal ko woh jalebi khaate huye na mill jaye.
mujhe besh nafrat hai mithi cheezon se.
kaise khaoonga main.........jalebi shayyyyyyyy! hatt yaar!##
agar mithe mein kuch pasand hai toh bas khusboo.
wo bhi jab woh khud mere kareeb aati hai tab.
ek ajeeb si mehek hai yaaron usme.
nahin yaar! har ladki perfume ya deo nahi lagati.
bas wohi uski khusboo aur kuch mitha pasand nahi hai,
chahe wo cheez cadbury dairy milk hi ho.
khair aap log pak gaye hoge, so jaao. subh raatri.
waise mujhe toh neend nahi aanewali hai,
haan yaar! kahaan uske yeh sapne chain se sone denge?
khair aap so lijiye.
Where'd you go?
oh where did you go
my precious camel toe?
played me like a fiddle
with your bubbly middle
you're such a skanky hoe
but I love you so
we had magic
we had fire
purple sweatpants my desire
come back camel toe
victory! camel toe
you're the villain
you're the winner
with your puffy
you're my sassy hoe
you're my Christmas snow
gone like cold wind blows
with your return
my member grows
I miss my camel toe
where'd you go?
i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee
i hate you
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate
you were so nice in the beginning
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow
i am still the nice guy
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.
i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant
I love your soft kisses.I love firm but gentle touch. I love the way you bite your lip.I love you soooooo much.
I love the way you look at me.I love the way you smile. I love the way you're shy sometimes,Every once and a while.
I love it when you look at me, When I'm not looking at you. You think I do not realize it, But really...I do.
I love the way you cuddle. I love the way you sleep. I love how you bite your lip when something turns you on. I love the way you rub your neck,when you are thinking so deep.
I love all of you,Your nose, your lips, your hair, even your smelly feet. I love how you drink Dr Pepper. Morning noon and night. I love how if someone puts me down your always there first one there ready to fight. I will never stop loving you. You are so amazingly sweet.
I love that I love you.I have loved you from the very start. I LOVE ALL OF YOU,You alone hold the key to my heart.
I do not know?
Hearts to you-hearts to you
What can be said about
Valentines day that's not
been said before?
Only to say that I
love you so much that I
gave up my whore.
It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.
So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened. “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.
“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked? Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.
You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.
It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”
“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.
So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.
She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open. “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.
She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”
ALTERNATE LAST VERSE
“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.
Inspired by shall I compare thee to a summers day (Sonnet 18)
Shall I meet thee on a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely than my usual mate.
Rough winds do shake your darling buds of May,
But summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of Helen shines,
And often the shade of my deception dims;
But Helen’s keenly watching sight declines,
By chance, or God’s allowance of my whims.
But thy infernal summer shall soon fade
And lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
And death shall brag thou serv'est as his maid,
Thine face shall host eternal lines that grow’st
So long as man can breathe or eyes can see,
So shall fair maidens congregate to me.
pinned us together;
the breeze we were twirling through
could not cool us down
top of our last ride
on the bright
I shivered from love’s fever . . .
waiting for your kiss.
The poet was in love; as was his wont,
he took his lovely lady to the dell,
a place of solitude, his favorite haunt,
where two could go. . . and this is what befell:
With images of pleasure in his mind,
he led the fresh and beautiful young maid
through nature’s Eden. . . Soon they were reclined
upon a blanket in a secret glade.
the murmur of a stream, the trill of birds
accompanied him as he then intoned
his well-rehearsed and flowery sweet words
when unexpectedly, the maiden groaned. . .
“Please cut this short. Your jumbled verse is stale,
and tell me in that basket there’s some ale!”
Feb. 24, 2014 for the Angel of Odd Contest.
We made love in the arbour
And loft--out of sight,
Then three times at the harbour
As the day turned night.
Let's go into the parlour
In the candle light,
There's no more time for ardour.
I'm ready to--Bite!
*Note: the black widow spider is known for killing and eating her male counterpart after she has exhausted him from all the 'love making'--mating.
< Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~ all found in one big pail
Husband said had nice rack
Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail
A Poets Garage Sale
I love Cherries.
Red White and Sweet.
The Cherry of a virgin who’s never had sexual Intercourse.