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Lost Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Lost

These Lost Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Lost. These are the best examples of Lost Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Personification | |

A Magic Adventure Of Peter The Pan--part II

Inside the Dishwasher everyone rushed!
Clinks, clanks, rattles, 'Ouches' and ' Ohs'!
"Would you pa--lease, settle down!" said Deb--They hushed.
"Now we can hear...let's just see how this goes."

Curious, Peter, looked out through a chinc,
And watched Vie and Chris-- approaching by twos.
They opened the door--and who do you think--
Standing there wearing her fine Jimmy Choos,
Ms Lost Sonnet!--spoke not a word--but winked.

Wilma Wine-Corkscrew, dressed in purple hues
Gave the 'all clear', and Peter spread the news.

"We're having a party Ms Sonnet, please,
Won't you join us? It's a magic party
For Peter", said Ruben Rotisserie.
Bob Blender poured her a drink--quite hardy.

Connie Candellabra was flaming bright
As Ms Sonnet swept past to the soft couch.
Carolyn Cookie Jar screamed with such fright,
"Quick! She's on fire!" Then Lost cried, "Ouch!"

"I'll save her", said Catie Collander. "Here!"
But the water leaked through her like a sieve.
Susan Spatula yelled, "Have no fear, dear!"
Yet, the fire held on and would not give--

Others tried, but could not stop the fire.
Then Peter said, "I wuw twy! I can do it!
With 'Awwy, I can fwy! Way up highya!
Togethwa, we can save Ms Wost Sonnet!

Awwy is my fwend. He tawks funny, too!
He's aw the way fwom Engwand and he is
My Supwa Cape! So I can fwy! It's twue!
No H's wive theaw--his name is wike this:
'Awwy--not Hawwy." So now, they all knew.

"Did I 'ear some bloke colling my name?"
"Yes! 'Awwy, me! We've Ms Sonnet to save!"
Harry Handtowel--AKA, Super Cape--fame
Was now on the neck of Peter the Brave!

With no hesitation quickly they flew,
Smothered the fire and saved just one shoe.
Brittle and weak, Lost needed more than glue...
"She needs magic! Oh! Paweeze! What can we do?"

"Peter...we only made enough for you".
Said Carol Crock-pot. They all cried, "Boo Hoo..."
"Then give huw my magic! That's what you do!"
So quickly they sprinkled the magic brew.
Ms Sonnet was greatful--then said, "Adieu".

"Peter, you've done well," said Anne Assam Tea,
"Let's all have a cup'a tea and you'll see...
"'Magic's believing in yourself, --frankly,
Do that--and you can do--anything!"

~©deborah burch
5/23/2012

*Special appearance by "Lost Sonnet", courtesey of David Williams...with much gratitude, thank you all for appearing ;)...Peter has many adventures to come...big hugs, love you all, cap'n deb


Details | Rhyme | |

THE VANISHING ORGAN

Sam Ebenezer
a sad ol' geezer
was lamenting his shrinkage of late:
my worthless ding-a-ling
is a bell without ring
my manhood in diminishing state
 
From whence I salute
is thin as a flute
and soft to the touch as cashmere
I search with persistence
it offers resistance
on nature's call to appear
 
On heeding that call
no waterfall
a few errant droplets at best
where once from the middle
I gushed, now I piddle
and half of my load veers west
 
Both feet on the urn
pushing forth from astern
I chant 'emerge hocus-pocus'
with my punctured esteem
watch the pitiful stream
dwindle to drops as Limp loses focus
 
Our wee-membered friend
wished his size to amend
the stiffness rerouted from his joints
have it rise to occasion
and stand to attention
consulted ol' Doc for his viewpoint:

My snake is dead
no flesh;  just head
lies comatose and useless 
my garden hose
once warmed my toes
now wrinkled, dry and juiceless 

The senile old doctor
by name Alfred Proctor
had most of his wit in absentia
his breath smelt cheesy
Ebenezer felt queasy
Doc clearly suffered from senile dementia
 
Doc's hand took a dip
to just 'neath his ribs 
as Ebenezer voiced his concern
Doc smiled all the while
said:  your hopes are futile
there's no cure for your vanishing organ
 
I lost my virility
before my senility
long mourned my lost pride-and-joy
put my plight to rest
on realizing I'm blessed
to have in hand my own built-in toy

**************************************



Details | Rhyme | |

The Last Word

I just got home
barely opened the door,
Took three steps
maybe two more.
I heard a voice
a voice of dread,
" When the log rolls over,
we'll all be dead."
Somewhat spooked
i looked all around,
not a person in sight
no where to be found.
Then i heard it again
that voice of dread.
" When the log rolls over,
we'll all be dead."
My senses all heightened
I picked up the tune,
it was off to my left
in my restroom.
I heard it again
but this time a cry,
"When the log rolls over,
we're all gonna die!"
I looked at the toilet
I was about to freak,
but I lifted the lid
I just had to peak.
I was lost for thought
even lost for word,
there in my toilet 
three flies on a turd.
One screamed so loud
I could hear him squeak,
"Close the lid
you stuppid geek!"
I laughed for a second
while scratching my head,
then I flushed the log
now they're all dead.
The Last Word......


Details | Narrative | |

And The Road Begins?

Mornings are dreadful time in life unless waking beside gorgeous woman hopefully 
a not married one  husbans can be such a downer.
And when ya wake to a warm beautiful creature by your side.
And the first thought that comes to your mind is i wonder whats for breakfest.

Then ya probaly cant read the menu to start with and desserve 
to have a oversized weight lifter re arrange your ribs.

Im a southern man once means several things  non of which means im normal.
And this morning finds my yerning for a trip and widespread  mischief.
My amigo had vanished after are trip south of the boarder I remember saying 
to myself as i watched him  running naked across the dessert  being chased 
by the flying monkeys  he was surley seeing after his consumption of a foreign substance 

There goes a fine american.

I would have ran after him  but  but i didnt want thoose things to turn there attention to me 
I herd they had a thing for southern  actscents.
And theres nothing  worse than a bunch of horney flying monkeys trust me 
Ive delt with this problem  befor.

and being it was happy hour i knew my slightly insane amigo would understand 
in all his naked glory.
Besides  I left him some sneakers  and a sixpack.
And kept his credit card for safe keeping.

Naked men have no place to keep credit cards and I figured he was in no state to handle 
money.

So as i sit  behind  the wheel  ready to to get lost in the madness of fast food and
  the ant hill of insanity that is wall mart i turn my thoughts to vegas.
For where would a lost nude slightly insane person  run to and feel at home.

I had turn the music up to drown out the sound of whoever was in the trunk.
I figured if i had put sombody in there  in a drunken moment.
It had to be for a good reason.

And so with slightly hungover mindset are road begins.
and so with that do the games also.
And i figured hanging around with a cops wife wasnt the smartest idea.
That and im allergic to bullets.

My muse and 16 year old spirtiual advisor had phoned me to say that.
I probaly needed to Invest in the spirt of Jack Daniels  today.
And hey she had went to church more than once  so who was I to argue.

With a five five spitfire by the name of tinker.
so with A unknown companion in the trunk not helping my hangover i was off
to the races  Untill next time kiddies. 
Adios and im off to find my amigo.


Details | Free verse | |

I have lost my P

                      I`m not ha_ _y  today.
                      No I`m quite sad and u_set

                     Sitting here with my cold sou_ and an old s_oon.
                     I have s_ent too much money,and feel  _oor.
                     I have not _earls or diamonds,that`s not why I`m sad and u_set.
                     As I sit here with my su_ _ er and my cold sou_,
                     thinking about what I do without my  _?
             
                     Dreams returns to ha_ _y days, when I  _layed  _iano
                     and had  _eace in my mind.
                     What shall I do without my  _ ?
                     _  is  im_ortant in my life.
                     I`ve lost my  _,I can no longer wish to you:Ha_ _y  birthday
                                                                                Have a ha_ _y  weekend
                                                                                Ha_ _ y  for you.
                                                                                Ha_ _ y  to see you
                                                                                Ha _ _y   new year ..........


                      I do not want _iano,_earl or diamonds.... I want my  _  back.




      05.01.2012
      A-L Andresen :)


Details | Narrative | |

Reporting Live across the World

Reporting live on the soup, with Americas MOST. WANTED. POETS.
 Standing here with our host John, 
With an exclusive update on criminal poets, captured and on the run.
Switching over to you John,. "Thank you P.D., lets give thanks to all the 
P.M.W. tipsters, and our lovely F.B.I. agent Andrea Dietrich (Andy) & U.S. 
Marshal Shirley Harrison (S.H.)

Capturing 1 infamous fugitive Nikko Palmario, a comment crusader going contest crazy. 
Christopher Brantley, still at large U.S. Marshall (S.H.) says, "This brilliant fugitive leaves no 
trace." A dangerous poet posting comments longer than his poetry. Leaving a distinction of 
excellence in any short form.  P.M.W.tipsters Demand to be brought down to poetic justice.
P.M.W. Tip, led Marshall (S.H.) to the most notorious blond bombshell on the soup.
Captured on her vacation Linda Marie Bariana, lost control of her blond moment.
Paralyzing her laptop with sand. Covering to other crimes with to much poetry rhyme.
Her # 1 crime, entering a dark poet contest, to bad for this SWEET HEART who shines.         
Wanted in all nations Lynette Chachere a realistic poetic criminal against reality & dreams.
F.B.I.(Andy) Says"Our sweet Lynn, carries a weapons against all Enigma wonders."
A shameful crime to bring down a poets spirit with an intervene of her intense poetry.
F.B.I. Most wanted poetic lunatics, Billy the Kidster, with a Mental Poet Disorder.
A maniac on the rampage, a poet who lost it, with a crime slamming himself.
F.B.I. Most wanted viscous fugitive Christopher D. Aechtner, alias Vomiticus Grammaticus.
This former Canadian elusive bad boy, topping the hot list, a harmless poetic threat. 
Dakarai Cobbs, a 30 year old soups spot robbing thug. F.B.I.(Andy) Says "We offer 1 million
For the capture of this accused space invader aka the Sonnet man.
A poetic gang banger posting out of control, with a drive by of 130 hits in less than a month
Nathan Dilts, at large with the biggest search in poet history. 
A terrorizing poet implanting each poet with frightening thoughts and images so twisted.         
Making his followers absorb his evil poetic plots, while connecting center of dots.
F.B.I.(Andy) Says he is a mastermind with explosive & twisted thoughts.
Marshall (S.H.)Says "there is nothing we won't do to take his Poet License away.
  ((sorry no room for the Poet Destroyer))
Back to you P.D. "thank you John, there you have it soupers a few top criminal poets."
Reporting live on the soup P.D., all across the world enjoying our poetry security


Details | Rhyme | |

Quaffed

Ole Kelly worked at the brewery
And was pretty good at that
But one day he lost his balance 
And fell into a vat

O’Reilly went to Kelly’s house
Someone had to tell his wife
He said Kelly fell into the beer
And there he lost his life

Kelly’s wife was beside herself
Said I know those vats are slick
Please tell me he didn’t suffer
That my Kelly went real quick

He said I don’t think he suffered ma’am  
As far as I could see
In fact while he was swimming in there
He climbed out twice to pee

Another old Irish joke that I just had to set to rhyme.



Details | Ballad | |

Across the Way - The Sequel

Another day and the dishes have piled up yet again
So back I end up in front of the window 
I do not glance up, but concentrate
On the dull, dirtied objects before me
I do not hear the voices from yesterday
I still wallow in the grime of gray
I smile in malcontent
As I lather the dishes with soap
Against my will, I look up 
To see a lone, fat man opening a refrigerator
He is shirtless, bulgy, and he looks pregnant
My first supposition is to laugh
But I only look back down at the dishes
Not wanting to stare at the fat man
Not wanting to think he looks pregnant
For sure not wanting him to be my neighbor
Across the way

Against my will again, I look up
The fat, pregnant man is gone
I see ornaments on the refrigerator
Some pictures, some magnets
Family; not so different from my life
But yet, there is a transparent fancy of mystery
A flashy rage of difference in the silence
Oh, so quiet
The blazing sun sprays its light upon the hour
Not only are my hands wet from the soapy water
The deafening tone of quietude
Revels in me a mixture of loneliness and physical heat
A burning desire for something not seen
A desire for utter disgust of my newly found neighbors
But I find myself not disgusted at all
Until I look up again and see a fully naked man at the window
Across the way


Details | Rhyme | |

I've Lost My Mind

Have you seen it
I must have set it somewhere
Maybe it seeped outta my ears
And it's drizzled all around

Don't use it
You'll torture yourself
It's all stressed out
Oh yea, it has some filth


Details | Couplet | |

Lost Glove

It’s getting cold and I’ve lost my glove
One hand gets warmth and the other no love

I’ve looked in the closet and under the couch
I’ll keep searching this place for I’m not a slouch

I’m looking through the stuff in my garage
Is that it in the corner?.......oh no, that's a mirage

I grab my coat and head for the door
Have I lost my glove forever more

No glove in sight and it’s time to leave
Take one guess at what’s in my sleeve (smiles)

Now both hands will feel woolly love
For I’ve just found the other glove


Details | ABC | |

I Lost My Green Card

The immigration is coming for me 
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families 
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full 
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos 
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard 
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card 
I have gas and burps because of the food 
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood 
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard 
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card 
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day 
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey 
I sneak through a hole in the fence 
This shows the border patrol is incompetent 
I am again caught and sent back across the border 
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order 
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard 
This all goes back to when I lost my green card


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Alliteration | |

Banana Boat Bob

<                        Banana ~ boat ~ Bob ~ is ~ a ~ slippery..... Boob
                          Thought ~ that ~  this ~ town ~ lost ~ it's .... groove
                          No ~ spice  ~  no ~  life ~ no  .... nothing
                          Little ~ lost ~ boy ~ now ~ looks ~ for ~ his ~ Lucy's ....  ring


                          When ~ where ~ what ~ or ~ even ......  why
                          I'll ~ inquire ~ insist ~ innovate ~ or ~ even  ..... lie
                          His ~ history ~ of ~ having ~ such ~ big ....... hamstrings
                          Maybe ~ even ~ mighty ~ magical ~ musical ~ fruits ~ and .... greens



                         Or ~ having ~ big ~ over-sized ~ onions ~ olives  ~ and ..... Kiwi
                         screw ~ this ~ he's ~ scum  ~ skewered ~ tossed ~ back ~ to ... sea
                         Poor ~ precious ~ pretty ~  Lucy ~  got .......    pranked
                         Cause ~ curious ~ Bob ~ couldn't ~ control ~ love ~ so ~ he ....  sank

              

                        All ~ alone ~ and ~ now ~ very .... angry
                        Drowing ~ deep ~ in ~ own ~ do-do  ~ droppings .... whopie 
                        Luscious ~ Lucy ~ now ~ can ~ look ~ long ~ and ...... hard
                        For ~ another ~ fast ~ floating ~ free ~ salemens ~ not ~ selling.... lard



Entry For
Linda Marie's
Luscious Love Lingers Contest
G.L. All


Details | Haiku | |

ZOOKEEPER

Lookin' after pests
Keepin' a CLOSE eye on 'em
"Those wild animals!"

Roamin' around zoo
Searchin' for sneaky monkey
Hidin' in a tree

Zookeeper gets mad
"Where's Marty, the smartypants!?"
"He TOOK my cage keys!"


Details | Monoku | |

Alien-nation

One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Lost Musketeer

Strode the red with a somewhat elegant stance.
Posture strut, apparel of a musketeer from France.
Outstanding panache surely caught the glance
Of the staring virgins, of the glaring aunts.
Flipped the cattle into a ga ga trance....
Did I make a wrong landing, by the faintest chance?
For the ga ga now seemed  more like a look of askance.
Clearly, I was an optical nuance.


Details | Enclosed Rhyme | |

Not Your Rag Doll Any More

                                                                   **~~**

Baby, your time is running out…
  No - I won't play in your house anymore
My life as your ragdoll - is coming to an end
  Your kind of vapid love left me so forlorn 

My heart was torn and frayed 
  By being tossed around by you
I was but a puppet - in your cruel selfish hands
  Played with- then tossed  aside
Like some old, gnarly shoe 

I was once new and shiny
  But you used me - then threw me to the ground
I had bright red curls, with lips painted cherry red
  And a happy beautiful smile
But the way you treated me
  Was like some game of 'lost and found' 

My insides had turned to cotton
  Spilling from me - like tidal pools of tears
My smile was painted on
  My threads bare and worn
No longer could I feel -I lost so much of me
So many lost and wasted years 

Once I didn’t have a backbone
  It was made of useless twine
Easily dragged around by you
  But now I see you for what you are...
A cold heart that has no shine 

Next time you think of coming my way
  Forget it...Just turn right back around
Cuz' you’re not coming in
  My heart won’t be your rag doll any more
You've lost me...but this last joke's on you
  Baby...I'm the one who wins
I'll survive - I don't need a love like yours

Yes, many tears I used to cry
  But -I don't want you back anymore
Just keep walkin' on down that road
  Now I hold my head up high  
My heart has been tranposed
  So- don't come knocking at my door...
To you baby - my door's forever closed


                                                                 "Ciao"
                                                            **~~**~~**


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read

Dedicated to an author by the name of William Golding... Enjoy!!!


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
I recommend it if yah haven't read it yet - I must admit
It's a book full of adult words and it's simply...FASCINATING! - no lies
You should read it - or you'll regret it!



Details | Quatrain | |

Hey There Tubby

I get on my bike and I pedal for hours You'd think I'd be skinny by now Ha! Not a chance my belly's still fat I look like an over stuffed sow Pants are so large they could sail a boat As the mast on the big ocean blue People are cruel and say “Hey there Tubby!” “Better stay away from the stew!” Try not to show how much it bothers me Saying, “Your mother dresses you funny!” But deep down inside I've lost all my pride To be skinny I'd give lots of money My scale says, “One at a time please!” I kick it in anger 'cross the room I've no one to blame for getting this way It's the buckets of food I consume So call me a fatty or call me a tub But don't call be late for my chow I'll soon get serious about losing this fat But it's just not the time right now! © Jack Ellison 2012 This was written before I went on a mission and lost 30 pounds!


Details | Limerick | |

Baa-lair and His Lost Sheep

There once was a leader called Blair To the Iraqi war he declared Like little lost sheep None of his party did weep Not one was found dead lying there


Details | Rhyme | |

Spooks And Sech Like

In the backwoods of Tenn-O-See eerie things is seen on Halloween night!
Stroll with me down a country lane - you'll see things that'll give ya' a fright!
I s'pose ya' could set by the far and read of sech frum an old-timer's lore,
But come 'long, boys and girls, if ya' dare and see them scary things galore!

A headless hossman races by yellin', "I've lost my head, confound it!"
Its disembodied voice keeps repeatin', "I'll have no peace 'til I've found it!"
From a leafless oak a body swings in the wind danglin' frum a double noose!
'Tis said an impromptu posse hung 'im fer filchin' hosses on the loose!

That old house is said to be haunted and mysterious lights is seen inside!
The story goes that hosts of fiendish ghosts and witches therein reside!
Passin' the old cemetery, I'm sure y'all will want to increase yer stride!
Leerin' ghosts and skeletons lurk there and they'll skeer ya' outta yer hide!

A spectral platoon of sojers is seen marchin' 'long that haunted stretch of lane.
A sergeant counts cadence and moans is heard from them that's sufferin' pain!
Spooky lights is seen waftin' to and fro and seem to be headin' our way!
Are they restless spirits with evil intent er lost souls that have gone astray?

A sobbin' wraith with glowin' eyes is seen floatin' jes' beyond the ridge.
With a piercin' scream she waves at us and leaps frum a nearby bridge!
So, my children, if its thrills y'all is lookin' fer and a real Halloween scare,
Come, take a midnight stroll with me 'long that fearsome lane, if you dare!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 1 in PD's "Any Poem You Posted This Week" Contest - Nov 2011


Details | Free verse | |

O The Indignity of it All

Last summer when hiking with some friends
We came to a place where the trail ends
A road had been cut and stolen the trees

An 18 year old balanced the side
When all of the sudden his mother did cry

Get off that ledge have you lost your mind
And then all of the others with her did chime

I said you guys are silly he’s not going to fall
Anyone could do it anyone at all

All walked on, they had saved his neck
I looked and stared and said what the heck

As my friends walked on I stood on the ledge
Started to balance then looked over the edge

Far, far below all rocks, okay boulders
I realized I hadn’t done this since I became older

The only thought that came was 
Oh man this is gonna a hurt
My arms flailing quickly
all my senses alert

I know I looked like an idiot jerking forward and back
But then all my friends turned and went on attack
So much cussing and screaming had they all lost their minds
Tried though I might no voice I could find

With everything in me came the smallest of “help"
My friend reached and grabbed me 
And threw me to the ground
Then all of my friends did gather around 

I couldn’t get up so hard I did laugh
Then I stood to plead sanity on my own behalf

Look I’m as shocked as you
I used to do this in my sleep
I thought that as you grew older
At least your balance you could keep
After my laughter subsided
Indignity sunk in
I hadn’t felt so very old 
Since I couldn’t remember when

I vowed right then before we left
That before my next birthday
I’d go back and walk that ledge
No matter what they had to say

So in the middle of summer
If my pen should suddenly mute
Just know that I am mending
And my pride is following suit