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Funny Humorous Poems | Funny Poems About Humorous

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Details | Verse | |

Zuzuni on the badlands

Zuzuni on the badlands

Montana's muddy badlands spread for thirty seven miles
along a cleft of sandstone bed, eroded years before; 
the chestnut paced upon the bare of grass and well worn aisles
and I wore two new Navy Colts, of gauging forty four
beneath the noon light that defines but also eyes beguiles.

An anchorite, some years ago, upon the ridge of Grapes
where monasteries in the clouds are reaching out to God, 
I learned to draw and shoot amidst the fog's white waving drapes
and prayed til the time was ripe t' abandon this abode, 
cause solitude was molding deeds, constringing, thus, escapes.

I saw them waiting on the trail; three bandits stood apart: 
Coyote Chit, Cheesecake Labif and Mambo-Jumbo Crock
with cross-tied low their pistols stood, assumptive and upstart
bemocking fools who patented their e'er noetic block
that teachers, tho', could not explain; not even wise Descartes! 

My shots intended at their guns, the hoisted hammers broke;
I ordered them to start the dance that turns the clouds to rain
the land was in compelling need, as turf and plants evoked
the sympathy of Heavens that magnanimous ordained
the good ol' boys (and volunteers) to dance the rain's refrain.

Coyote was allowed to dance a prominent gavotte
meanwhile Labif's romantic soul preferred a marigold
but Crock's mazurka had untied the nimbus' Gordian knot
and rain began to pour upon those who the skies extolled
heroic men were meant to be, defining, thus, a blot.

Zuzuni, the Algonquin chief, had noticed this ordeal
and marveled at the outlaws forms, that caused the skies to rain
in order so, to buy the fools he offered a good deal
fourteen strong horses for each man, who danced to ascertain
that rains returned upon the slopes and also on the plains.

© 2014-10-15, G. Venetopoulos, All Rights Reserved
(Iambic heptameter)

Contest Name: Sketch a Character
Sponsor: Gautami Phookan
Deadline: 11/17/2014

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |



You question duskiness "Whereas he be?"
Be careful pal; he hides behind the tree!
Inside the sneaky shades he aptly lurks
because you've drunk too many Cuty Sarks.

You, silly chump! You're shaking on your feet;
Contele Dracula* and tough tidbit
exists inside your foolishness' resource
and punishes your wrongs without remorse.

Excess in drinking could be bad for you;
tis not that you'll become a drunk boo-hoo
but he'll metamorphose to baseball bat
and if you drink again, he'll kick your butt.

I know you're stupefied and very scared
cause Gigi hides in pizza boxes where'd
jump up, if thee besotted be and fool,
and then consume your pizza, super-cool.

Admit it, dude! You're shivering in fear!
But if you prayed he would disappear,
expect him to start dancing everywhere-s,
and jingle, so, his spurs upon your stairs.

Ha ha! Hill Billy, you! Outside your house,
behind the pumpkins, sound the irked meows:
bewildered Gigi cats will jump ahead,
inside your car and on your empty head.

You should, thus, paint your house pistachi'o green
cause if you stall before your PC screen
he'll haunt the lines of your poetic calls
and bats will eat your order of spring rolls.

© 10-02-2014, G. Phookan, G. Venetopoulos, All Rights Reserved
(Iambic Pentameter) 
* Contele Dracula = Count Dracula in Romanian

Details | Light Poetry | |

This Is Jack

Yesterday I saw a very creepy mouse, Sneaking right through my front door, He was wearing tails and a top black hat And dragging a large suitcase too When he saw me, he run inside, And past me he sped so fast, Into the kitchen he went in, To a tiny hole, with suitcase and all I tried everything, to flushed him out, From the hole just as fast. I played him music extremely loud; And even called him on his cell phone So I ordered him some cheese pizza, Provolone and jack cheese by the pound, And placed it close, for him to come out and eat, But...he grabbed with him in a flash An email he sent me later on, In which this certain note,to me he wrote: "This's Jack,thank you,for giving me more food, Now I can stay with you, for another three years. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2005 October,19,2014

Details | List | |

My New Year's Resolutions: Humor

I have tracked my New Year's Resolutions 
over the years these are my fantastic results.

Resolution One

2011: I will try to be more attentive to Lauren.
2012: I will pay more attention to what's her name...ah...Lori...I know I'm close.  
2013: I will try for reconciliation with Lo.
2014: I will try to be more attentive to Carol.

Resolution Two

2011: I will walk 35,000 steps a day this year.
2012: I will definitely start my walking routine this year at 10,000 steps a day.
2013: I will walk once a week.
2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Resolution Three

2008: I will not stare at women's cleavage .
2009: I will cut down the amount of time I stare at women's cleavage.
2010: I will stop being so obvious when I stare at women's cleavage.
2011: I will attempt to stop getting caught staring at women's cleavage.
2012: I will stop increasing the time I spend staring at women's cleavage.
2013: I will seek professional help as directed by the courts.
2014: I will try to stop starring at the female prison guards cleavage.

Resolution Four

2011: I will not let my siblings push me around.
2012: I will stick up for myself with at least one of my siblings.
2013: I will not let my siblings bullying depress me.
2014: I will talk to Dr. Potter and the group about my siblings.

Resolution Five

2008: I will read Clarissa this year all 1534 pages.
2009: I did not read Clarissa I will read Varney The Vampire all 866 pages.
2010: I will read the first 50 pages of Varney The Vampire this year.
2011: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2012: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
2013: I will read one strip in the cartoon section this year.
2014: I will read the fortune cookie thingy the next time I have Chinese Food. 

Sponsor: Regina Riddle
Contest Name: New Year's Resolution 

Details | Narrative | |

Adults Only A Sexy Write Just To Make Jan Laugh

I am dating a young woman and we are deeply in love. However, no matter what I do sexually, she never achieves orgasm so we decided to ask a sex therapist for advice. The therapist listened to our story and suggested the following; 

"Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both with the towel. That will help your wife fantasize, and should bring on a full-blown orgasm." 

We went home and followed the therapist's advice. We hired a handsome young man and he stripped off and enthusiastically waved a towel over us both as we made love. But it didn't help and still my lover was unsatisfied and frustrated. 

Perplexed, we went back to the therapist "Okay" he says, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." 

Once again, we followed the advice. The young man got into bed with my lover and I waved the towel. The young man really worked with great enthusiasm and my lover soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming, orgasm. 

Smiling, I dropped the towel, tapped the young man on the shoulder and said to him triumphantly...."NOW THAT'S how you wave a towel, son!!"

03~12~2014 dadickerector

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Cuddling Cricket

It’s not enough to have a Dragon plus his penguins and pigeons, too?
Darn it! I had a limit, until a cute Cuddling Cricket found my shoe.
He was just a little baby, who saw the pigeons and decided to hide.
Now, he won’t let go of my pants leg; he’s definitely along for the ride.

The first time I saw him, I Eeekk’ed and I jumped, yep, about to pounce.
But at my response he sighed, and slumped, and he began to cry, at once!
At first I couldn’t believe it, so I pulled out my magnifying glass.
What I found were soulful eyes, and a face, so very cute, but sad.

So now when I stand, A Cuddling Cricket, comes along for the ride.
Yeah, he’s now part of the family… Well, of course! Sigh! I replied…
He sleeps in a cute little plastic bug box, with a matchbox for a bed.
But it’s hard to explain, to others found, in my life, which have fled.

I bring a magnifying glass, so they can see him bow so proper and nice.
But carrying my Cuddling Cricket around, does have a certain price!
Food stores aren’t very understanding, and restaurants, Not At All! Truly!
But the paparazzi seem to understand a Cuddling Cricket, completely!

He does have his own type of novelty as he carries around his blankie!
And he’s just a baby, who needs a Mom, and of course, his little binkie!
Honestly, I’m not kidding! There’ve been a few, strange turns, in my life.
But, if I have Trolls and Dragon, then a Cuddling Cricket seems, so right!

Details | Sonnet | |

elegant giraffes

He wondered if his verse was made for fools
and cretins that splish-splash alongside whales
composing dull sonnets was chased by bulls 
- by elegant giraffes and racing snails.

Amid the chickens in his country cot,
while gulping bourbon the pig-farmer writes
his scribble verse turns to an artless blot
and straight he gulps one more for his insights

Oh, detrimental muse of his confused,
absconding inspiration that evades
his talent which was alcohol-abused,
and like the content of each bottle, fades:

......Inspiring advent of a healthy burp
made pigs and chickens to comment "superb"!

© G. V. 06-27-2013 All rights reserved

Sponsor: Judy Konos
Contest Name: The Lazy Contest

Details | Couplet | |

Horse From Mars


It came from the sky, a gray silver stallion.
I looked up high, and I have also seen a dragon.

With so many things in this universe.
I'm on stand-by with a camera in my purse. 

Who would have known I'd be the first to spot a PEGASUS.
The town folks wave hi every time I walk my hippopotamus.

I enjoy showing everyone, my pictures of a flying horse.
I don't see why they call a DOCTOR every time I call the TASK FORCE

I think they are jealous over all the things I've seen.
They act all crazy since I sighted a LEPRECHAUN when I was fourteen.

No one ever believed me when I saw an army of dragonflies.
They have a name for me "the boy who See's too much in the skies!"

I don't know why they can't see what I see.
For all I know they are all experiments under Alien Technology.

They don't believe me how I got this magic MEDALLION.
It was a friendly gift from the silver stallion.

I also have many pictures of a  UNICORN.
We became best-friends when he gave me a piece of its magic horn.

We sat together while he drank from the lake.
We enjoyed talking, --talking about how U.F.O.'s are fake.

Why can't they see? The day I fell off a boat, I got rescued by a MERMAID!
Who would have known a mermaid swim around with first-aid.

I also remember the day I followed a LEPRECHAUNS.
We were playing under the rainbow having so much fun.

When I told my doctor about all the things I've seen.
He locked me in a DUNGEON, thinking I was the ALIEN QUEEN.

I begged and I told him I don't believe in any type of alien.
Too bad the master of this dungeon came from another region.

In a way he looks like that one SILVER STALLION from Mars.
The first creature I'd seen the day I fell off the monkey bars.

I have this picture of this horse of course.
JUST help me out of this white-jacket!!! ;-)
If you want to see the coolest picture of a flying horse. 

(A small collaboration with: B-Boy)

re-post for ~FUNNY CONTEST

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

Charlotte Russe

The rain began with striking thunder noise,
the falling drops were pelting on his head;
his bomber's jacket, after shave and poise
anticipated just, her tall spikes' tread.

Her stumbling light steps were quick and graced;
- oh, sightly maid, that fondling drops wet,
he smiles; she smiles, so rarified and laced,
her acrobatic charm and walking fret.

Her wet, Venusian bends enthrall his brain;
those curvatures must be explored and felt,
his tips will tangle in her moistened mane,
her feminine perfume and garter belt!

Athletic is his run upon the quay,
as lightning strikes around, of Zeus wrath,
in style he throws his rendezvous bouquet,
her manicured lithe fingers long to catch!

A flash demolishes the rose bouquet,
another strikes upon his buckle's brass;
resembling Nureyev at ballet
with Dame Fonteyn, he proves his dancing class!

She joins his dance beneath November's rain;
thus, he forebodes her lustful flames and cries,
uncorking the Dom Pérignon champagne,
receives a third flash on his manly prize.

Embraced they dance beneath the rain and kiss
Mille-feuille creamed her finger tips, will fuss 
to tease his buds, while deponent his lips
descend to slowly taste her "Charlotte Russe".

© 11-24-2013, All Rights Reserved
(humorous-erotic-light poetry-Iambic pentameter)

Sponsor: Charlotte Puddifoot
Contest Name: Charlotte's Scorchers: Erotic/Sensual Poetry 


* Mille-feuille:
The mille-feuille is a creamy pastry of French origin.

* Charlotte Russe:
Charlotte Russe is a cold dessert of Bavarian cream set 
in a mold lined with ladyfingers.

Details | Rhyme | |

Poems for My Alien Abductors: a Ride into Space

I thought I could wow them with poems from earth
Poems of joy and humor, poems extolling it’s worth
So I laid out poems from Michael, Gail, and me
From Andrea, David, Gwen, and Ilene
From PD, Harry, Mandy, and Chris
From Jack, Craig, Cyndi, and Liz…
For I was sure once they read our beautiful works
They would embrace us and love our humanly quirks!
So last night I taped them all over my skin
Knowing they’d find them if they took me again…

When I woke up, they were gone and I had a reply:
“We enjoyed reading those poems last night, 
And thanks for the names of the earthlings too -
We have many more experiments to do!”

For Michael's boomerang...send your poem for a ride contest

Details | Limerick | |

Be Careful what you Hook

  I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever 

Details | Rhyme | |

Kitten In The Barn

It’s always a good practice when living on a farm, To have a family of cats living in the barn They always keep the rats and mice at bay and furnish humor too – Wherever you find kittens there’s usually a laugh or two. Now, I remember one time, I was out there milking cows, When I noticed three young kittens, out and on the prowl. One, a fine young tomcat, was really acting brave And I wondered if he faced some fear just how he would behave. Skillfully I squeezed and threw some milk across his face – He winced a bit, then licked his lips – he knew he’d found the place. We played around awhile and soon the playing stalled When he stopped and took a minute to answer nature’s call. He didn’t know it but he backed himself up to a fresh cow pad He grunted; then had the best little poop a kitten ever had. He turned around to cover it; then began the fun. He knew what he saw lying there was more than he had done. He arched his back, let out a scream and broke into a run. I thought, at first, it might have been something I had done. But soon it was no mystery what scared that little cat. There was the giant pile of poop I couldn’t help laughing at. This kitten was the alpha kitten of the litter Who ultimately proved to me that he was no quitter. So, when the time came to find him a name… Well ….. I just called him……”Fraidy” Written By John Posey 05/29/13

Details | Limerick | |

Dancing Fool

Auntie Matilda is a dancing fool.
She took lessons at a discount dance school.
When she does the hippity hop,
even babies beg her to stop;
but Matilda’s dancing makes old men drool.

Details | Alliteration | |

Lucky at Home

You’d think a dog named Lucky,
Would lead a decent life.
But Lucky had his troubles,
And they followed day and night.

One day Lucky ran away
In search of greener pastures.
Just to find a field ablaze,
Thus the start of his disasters.

Although Lucky didn’t die that day
And no limbs or parts were broken,
Lucky smelled of smoldered hair
And you’d swear he kept on smokin!

And Lucky like to chase the cars,
Till the day he lost his nerve
When Lucky met a big ‘ol bus
That couldn’t stop or swerve.

I’m not sure just how it hit him
Or how he’s here today.
But he’s never walked straight since,
And one eye veers away.

Lucky always clashed with cats
And was leery of their paws.
Until a “Tom” of forty pounds
Let Lucky feel his jaws.

Hair and fur balls filled the air
Like Cottonwoods a bloomin.
Poor ‘ol Lucky lost an ear,
And now looks twice as stupid.

I confess, I named him wrong
And why he stays, I’ll never know.
I guess that I’m the lucky one,
To have Lucky here at home.

Details | Rhyme | |

You Can Hug Anyone You Want To

(This poem was inspired by my friend's grandma who said, and I quote, "You can hug anyone you want to." I dedicate it to all the sweetie poets who give "hugs.")

You can hug anyone you want to.
It's something everyone can do.

(There are many reactions from one act.
Proceed with caution so you don't get smacked.)

You can hug any way you like.
Keep it loose, or grab 'em tight.

Hug with a manly guttural noise,
or hug like a lady with grace and poise.

Sometimes just one hand will do.
Hug the way that best suits you.

Hug to ward off tears and sorrow.
Hug like you're going to die tomorrow.

Hug sister Suzy. Hug uncle Al.
Hug anyone to make a new pal.

Hug 'em big. Hug 'em small.
Hug 'em one. Hug 'em all.

Hug 'em in a group or two by two,
so the pleasure's not all about you.

Hug with a spin. Even make it an art.
Just make sure you hug with your heart.

It's as simple as a shoulder shrug.
Everybody could use a hug.

You can hug anyone you want to.
Watch your back, cuz I might hug you.

Details | Rhyme | |


Santa's hurting
head to toe
Santa's moving
kinda slow
Santa's sore
between the buns
Santa's got
the Christmas runs
Santa says
he has the flu
Santa's afraid
he'll give it to you
Santa should have
washed his hands
Santa needs to
change his plans
Santa needs
two bags this year
One for vomit
and one for cheer
Santa says
in spite of this blight
Merry Christmas to all
to all a good night

Contest: Jerry's "What's Up With Santa"
Date: 11-30-14
Poet: LyricMan

Details | Rhyme | |

A Drunken Clown Poet

This is really kind of a sad story But please sit yourself down For the words I'm going to bestow upon you Will make you feel your watching a drunken clown As I bow to gracefully greet you My silly hat suddenly slips from my head As I look to the ground and try to focus on it I feel as if I should have stayed home in bed Bending over I slowly reach for it Then feel my face suddenly kissing the ground Now the happy smile that I painted on my face Has been smeared into a big ugly frown Standing back up and trying to gather myself I slowly begin to reach into my empty hat But the dove that was supposed to be hidden in there Is no longer where it should be at So I reach to my sleeve for some flowers Only to notice they are no longer there I happen to pull out some fine ladies undies To my amazement I think,what a nice pair Then I reach to my other sleeve for something Though so afraid of what it might be I pull out a picture of my drunken self standing In a photo box by a bar,casually taking a pee In such embarassment I then begin to stumble These big floppy shoes are too heavy for me today I then reach into my pocket to find this here poem Leaving me wonder,how will I to pay off my bar tab this way
Danny Boy Kearley:1-14-13 Not at all a true story..Ha,ha... Just some silly words from my head(Hic-up) :o)

Details | Limerick | |

Tim And His Kelly Green Mustang

I have a friend by the name of Tim, He keeps in shape when frequents the gym. His Kelly green Mustang he drove And smack'd it into a cove. The witches got him and ate one of his limbs! Dorian Petersen aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 October,5,2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Spoonfang The Pudding Vampire

In the middle of the night,
When the moon shines bright, 
A creature stirs with a terrible bite, 
And his name is Spoonfang.

This vampire with a spoony face,
Has developed quite the taste,
For creatures of the pudding race,
Has the greedy Spoonfang.

So when the stars through dark clouds peek,
Into the kitchen he will creep,
And a tasty snack he’ll sneak,
Will the crafty Spoonfang.

Mousse and trifle, cake of cheese,
Ice-cream left in the deep freeze,
He’s had a bite of each of these,
Has the naughty Spoonfang.

But tonight he’s set his eyes,
Not on mother’s tasty pies,
But on Gran’s birthday surprise,
A gateau all for Spoonfang.

And so he creeps along the floor,
Tip-toes to the kitchen door,
But someone else is there before,
The bold and daring Spoonfang.

Count Spatula! The greatest Pudding Vampire of them all!

Both the vampires get a fright,
Their screams echo through the night,
And someone switches on the light,
On Spatula and Spoonfang.

Mother tuts and shakes her head,
Sends son and father back to bed,
Neither vampire has been fed,
Not Spatula nor Spoonfang.

Maybe there’s a little Pudding vampire in all of us!

Details | Rhyme | |

Heavenly bliss

Heavenly bliss

Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead

But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly  “Just Wait"

Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married

Saint Peter replied very softly 
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait, 
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”

Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"

As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven  
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”

A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”

Details | Rhyme | |

Too Much E-mail

Oh, no! It's happening again, When I went to open my e-mail So much garbage I found there,what a pain And to my dismay knew I was getting nailed. Everyday I get so much spam e-mail, To give me a headache without fail, They sneak on me, like a fatal disease, And try to bring me, all the way down, to my knees. Eh, Buster! What's this with your stupid e-mail? You give me nightmares like some horror tale, I erased it, but the next day three more copies came, Eh! You better stop that now! that this is not a game. Your whole attitude really sucks, I can't believe the things you do for a buck. Don't you have better things to do too? Than pestering and screwing people, like you do. Eh, buster! I know sometimes things are bad, But, why,do you to make it worse by making me also mad? And what's this about me helping you with some money, Do you really think? that I am that dim or brained-dead? All your e-mail tactics really amazed me, You want me to… what did you say, again? Eh, buster, I won't do that,not in a million years! So I want you to know that all your trouble is in vain. I am so happy when I see my friends' e-mails, That's one of the best things that everyday I still get, But, what's my horror when I see them buried by trash, No! I don't need to lose any weight, because I am still fit. Oh no!My server is telling me they've stopped my email, Eh, you buster!is all your fault, for sending me trash, And now I have to delete it all in the next hour or two, Eh punk,! You better don't mess up with me anymore here. What did you say about me? About getting some prozac, Who says, I am depressed? And my liver is okay and I don't take pills, What did you say now? That you have something for my boobs to grow Eh Buster! I don't need that!or to grow anything in that "place” neither. Eh, you! You're so lucky I can't really get you, You're making my life online, sometimes a hell, And I don't want to buy any of your blue,or pink pills, As for "those pictures" you can show them to somebody else Mel. I am so tired of getting spammed and jammed, and it's you to blame I'd would like to get only emails from my friends, My poor baby (my pc) is taking such a beat and gets sick too, Eh, buster!Your behavior is a shame! And this's not a game. I'm about to lose it with you, and you're making me sick too, Stop sending me all those silly offers than don't work but just fail, Eh, buster, you'll see, one of these days, I'll get rid of you, Then, you won't get me anymore, or invade, ever my email. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright2005 October,19,2014

Details | Footle | |

Fun with Footles-Round 1-

-Intellect with a Brush-

-A Rough Night-

-Stamp Collector-

-Shorter Is Sweeter-
Long Poem
Eyes Roam

-When A Question Mark Comes In Handy-

-When The Power Goes Out-
Can burn

Wince dress

-Political Praise-


Details | Free verse | |

this noisy head i live in

this noisy head i live in
it just never quiets down
theres some motherf#@ker screaming at two am
about some unpaid bills or parking tickets
and some other idiot going on and on about some girl that left
somebody is allways throwing trash out in the common area
little bits of some ancient relationship
small parts of some old mystery
just want to tell em all ''will you all please shut up"
stop that godawful freakin racket
some fool on the roof shouting poetry just when your drifting off to sleep
another idiot in the basement throwing monkey wrenches in the works
always somebody causing some kind of ruckus
just want to scream
"can we PLEASE get some peace and quiet for five minuets"
this crazy head i live in
i want to move
to some nice quiet country house
where you never hear a sound
peaceful with birds chirping
where i can get some rest
not this confounded noisy head i live in
not this apartment building of lunatics i call a mind

Details | Alliteration | |


Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living

Details | Light Poetry | |

Fruit Loops

You know we’re very poor, of that we have certainly, never denied.
Then the ‘Obama-I-don’t-Care’ gave us another whammy, Yes, indeed! Oh My!
Now, it’s Peanut butter we will have for supper, and even that we’ll spread thin.
And the little birdies we gave a cup of bird seed, occasionally, when we dared…

Well, this morning they got a handfull of Fruit Loops, and they were really stale!
With the sugar they have in galore, now birdies are doing cartwheels at my door.
All that crazy energy, they’re acting just like my kids. Hey! Is that my old phone?
They’re texting wildly! Not watching where they go! Hey! There’s a tree! Oh No!

Some are doing cartwheels… While others are staggering back and forth!
But bird seeds not an option, under Obamas new plan, now! Don’t you know!
We ate it all last week, on our free cheese, from the Food Pantry, Not! A! Joke!
He was supposed to make it affordable, now he put food… WAY out the door!

Hey! We WERE the poor ones! Now we’re worse, as he runs away! By Darn!
OOOPPPS! Maybe Fruit Loops weren’t such a good idea, after all, I surmise!
The Dirty Birdies, are walking upside down, in circles, saying they want more!
If only they had hands! I’d get out my camera, but I hocked it, for the food store!

We had good insurance before the ‘Obama-I-Don’t-Care’! But Now it’s gone…
And our small paycheck was cut in half! So I stopped my cable!… Well, Darn!
Hubby walks miles to work, in the snow, backwards, no shoes, uphill! It’s true!

Excuse me! I have to go! For it’s off to the Food Pantry, with others I am bound!
I’d impeach that silly idiot! But I’d rather, he had to eat, just like us, at our house!
Hey! Maybe that explains his crazy actions… Take his Fruit Loops away, By Gosh!
And when you’re done, make sure he uses the same ‘Obama-I-Don’t-Care’… As us!

Then take away that raise from Congress… to fill the Food Pantries… Yea! I SAY!
When you’re done! Remember to vote Them ALL OUT! For what they have done today!
Then send them Dumpster Diving with me… Because they’ll need to learn the art!
Darn! What Now? Oh Oh! Those little Dirty Birdies… Have learned how to fart!

Details | Free verse | |

The Elephant in the Room

3 polished oak fans,
Swirling in robotic unison

High maintenance socialites,
Sipping on Merlot fallacies

Lemon yellow coated walls,
Like their smiles

Comparisons of dangling Porsche & Bentley keys
A glorified day care center,
Pacifiers included

The muted virtuosos speak softly in hymn dialects.

Courtesy laughter in snob’s octave

Their heads twitching side to side,
Left to right to left

An equilibrium facing assault charges against self

They slow dance to cello dreams
And E minor dividends

Two-step monotone, sway
Against platinum lacquer foundations


But, it was then.

These same socialites,
Made of recycled candle wax
And rubberized, hedge-fund confidence,
Began to stare longingly at the party host’s 70 inch plasma TV

Proudly imported from China

“Attention uptight snobs of Mecca!
The city zoo has imploded!
The monkeys revolted!
The zebras were tired of being racially profiled!
Run for your LIV…!”

And before the reporter’s frightened inner child could finish’s his clause,
An elephant crashes into the decadent room
Filled with Crisp linen scents of Febreze & judgmental fear

It stares at the socialites,
Laughing heartedly as it playfully stomps away into constellation’s onyx night

As tears waterfall from the snobs’ sobbing eye sockets
As if they just listened to another Celine Dion song

The real newsflash

Metaphors played hooky today

©Drake J. Eszes

Details | Epigram | |

A season's dance


What art thou, splendid maid, inclined to verse?
Upon the skies, the stars thy words rehearse.

The darkness cometh with a Fall's request
while in thy kitchen, Gail, should do your best;

for spicy tastes the famous bard now begs
but you regaled his pleas with two boiled eggs.

The Eros Iamb feet, sung by the sire,
repeated are by stray cats' alto choire.

while resonant, of music flaws he shuns,
cats meow at him, from two deep tin trash cans.

Your bucket-full of water then, is thrown,
to fall upon his head and new iphone.

Enchanted so, thou callest the fine bard,
to dance with you Fall's jazzy avant-garde.

© G. V., 10-03-2013
(Iambic pentameter)

Details | Rhyme | |

The Fat Girl

I may be fat but I can cook soul food to put you in a good mood I don't mean to be rude but you look like a string bean
You only know how to make sandwiches I can make steaks to take your breath away
you say I look like a steak but you can't even make a cake you need to drink more shakes
I need to eat more salads but at least I have a big wallet

I may be fat but I can dance your eyes are  glued to my thighs are you hypnotize yet
Do you want to take a chance and try to beat me in dancing you can't defeat me 
I can shake my hips and do flips I can drop it like its hot you can only pop that's not much 
Oh, now you want to challenge me but you can't balance on the dance floor 
The crowd wants to see me more you were just a bore 

I may be fat but I'm the one who looks pretty in this skirt you look silly like Big Bert
You say I don't look good in a bikini because I'm not tiny but at least I'm not  bony like you
You say I look like a buffalo but at least I don't have a problem finding a fellow
I don't mean to be a pest but you started this mess why don't you give it a rest
I'm fat but I'm telling you I'm the best you don't need to guess 

I may be fat but I'm good at writing poetry
You say that  you're good too but people are going to say boo to you
You say that isn't true and I need to pray because I won't win but I know I can 
You say that people wouldn't pay cash to see me but they will chase me I have a nice ass
you say your poetry  will get publish but that's only a wish I will you forgot to take your pills

Men want to be with me because I have meat on me you only have bones 
You say that I don't look like a model but men want to play with me and pay me to date 
I may be fat but I found a man who likes me like that but your man said you act like a brat
I'm getting married tomorrow don't feel sorrow 
You can laugh but at least I'm glad that I'm not sad or bad and I'm not a brat so take that

Details | Rhyme | |

Count Dracula

It was a time ov thirst, crepuscle zearchin, 
the Count in dark, becharmed her every secret zeal; 
vatever aappened to his favoroured virzzin? 
Vatever aappened to his crimson meal? 

My bite I'll hold to thine exquisite neck, 
(In Transylvania I'm vaiting, auspicious maid) , 
vas told that virzzins vaporized from earth, 
and so evil vampires will stay thirsty, I'm afraid.

My Castle, I assert, vill vait for thee, 
It is embarrassing for Counts to dine on food, 
meanvile red should be drunk like rare chablis, 
vilt thou, fair maid, succumb to my persisting mood? 

Hast thou ever heard of my night delights? 
Thou vilt dine on rare meat vile listening to tunes from the abyss, 
I'll beguile your thoughts under candle lights, 
and then (enraptured nymph), thou shalt receive my kiss.

Thou shalt be my companion to dark doom, 
Teetotal I became due to the lack of virzzins, 
it is more evident ven your perfume, 
enthralls my Dracula stimulated senses.

I'll bend on your rest, vile you'll be asleep, 
vere bats from caves have fled around the room before, 
like from a fresh rose your red I shall reap, 
and in crepuscular twilight ve, shall soar.

© 01-26-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved

Details | Free verse | |

Gina the toilet cleaner

They call her big Gina
You'd know if you seen her
She is a toilet cleaner
She wears a white smock
Armed with bucket and a mop
She likes to keep things clean
And is a real scrubber
If you know what I mean
She whistles as she goes
With disinfectant wafting under her nose
She replaces toilet rolls
And cleans the toilet bowls
She really loves her job
She has a cat called Doris
And a husband called Bob
Her job is dirty and often smelly
She has a tattoo of a toilet on her belly
At the end of the day
She puts her mop and bucket away
Goes home and has a shower
Then cleans the house within half an hour
Her husband makes her mad
Leaving the toilet seat up
She puts toilet water in his cup
Of tea to sup
She has a daughter called Pru
She dreams of being a toilet cleaner too
She doesn't care about the smell of poo
Just her dream comes true
We should all appreciate toilet cleaners
Just like big Gina.

''Warning! Toilet water in tea. please do not try at home.
 could be dangerous and doesn't taste nice''.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Details | Free verse | |

a really bad love poem

when you're in love you write really bad love poetry when you love a woman you want to relive with her every great moment you ever had both of them. clouds look like hearts, and a few look like ducks you know, quack, quack ducks. if you love someone, you walk into the wrong house you stain your tie during lunch you walk into people (a big guy peoples, he's not happy you run...really fast) to a man in love roses look perfect even if they're tulips ...sorry honey. you build a white picket fence with the pickets wrong side up when you love someone you take out the trash from someone else's house when you love someone you quit your job as a superhero you get rid of your trusty sidekick you give away your bat mobile you give your arch nemesis the bad news. you write goofy stuff, and mickey stuff too. i'm in love so i write really bad love poetry really? really! really? really, i'm in love, so sue me!

Details | Lyric | |

Oh Uhura - To Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah

There was a Starship Enterprise,
It was the ruler of the skies,
But you don't really care for sci-fi, do you?
With Captain Kirk
And Mr Spock
And don’t forget the trademark jock,
And there upon the bridge you’ll find Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura 
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

You’ll find Bones Macoy down in sickbay,
“I’m a doctor Jim” he’d say,
And cure whatever space bug ran through you,
He’ll banish away every cough,
Even if your name’s Chekov,
Or perhaps you might be sweet Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

To make the starship up and go,
The man you really need to know,
Is the Helm officer called Sulu,
But if it’s a message you’d like to send,
Then of course you can depend,
Upon the talented Miss Uhura,

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Your voyage lasted three short years
But despite the trekkie’s fears,
It wouldn’t be the last time that we’d view you,
Of feature films there’d be twelve,
Before the franchise they would shelve,
But we won’t forget you dear Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Oh Uhura

Details | Light Poetry | |

Pie Eyed Spittoon

Out of the west, amide a beautiful sunrise… came a pie eyed son of a gun.
Looking for Armadilly Billy the Sling Shot Kidster… water gun… in hand.
He rode a very slow plug, an inchworm called ‘Giddy-Up-You-Lazy-Thing’.
Said he was seeking, Billy the outlaw, who had shot his brother in the leg.

But we all knew Billy hadn’t done it, cause he simply, shook his… head… no…
Sure he’d shot a few snakes in the grass, in the range war, way up North, long ago.
But he’d known everybody there; this one, was only here, to try to build a name.
Pie Eyed Spittoon the Rodeo Clown, was looking to earn some respect, with fame.

Now, you don’t find respect by drawing a water gun; it’s always a loosing game.
So we told him, Billy had moseyed on, somewhere way down south, late last May.
To our surprise, he sat down and cried; there was only so much he could take, to face.
Apparently, guy ladybugs don’t get much respect, especially in a fancy, rodeo place.

At that, Miss Kitty Purrfect, sashayed into place, right in front of Pie Eyed Spittoon.
She ask him what his real name was… He answered, it was Wilber Wash Number Two.
Taking him by the hand, she deftly led him off, giving him ideas for a great bar room.
A fancy pants Troll Lake Town sarsaparilla saloon, where flowers would be in bloom.

They would even serve High Tea with scones and crumpets, of course, in a back room.
But, there'd be a tin pan ally, piano in great use, in that bar area, up front, real soon.
Miss Kitty Purrfect would sit on top to sing a tune or two, as Mr. Spittoon kept the bar.
She would be his partner, to help liven up the crowd, and keep them from straying far. 

The Muskrat Gang could clean up in their spare time when their other work was done.
Silk worms would be ordered from China Town, to make fancy drapes, in the bargain.
And Spittoon could serve Sarsaparilla, as Billy controlled the, sometimes-rowdy crowd.
All got what they’d wanted, without a single shot being fired, smart, don’t you think?

Troll Lake town was growing, at a rapid rate, but all were sure, it would be OK.
Armadilly Billy the Slingshot Kidster, was voted, as the sheriff in Town, that day.
And with Miss Kitty Purrfect by Billy’s side, a new era had definitely, begun in town.
Not to mention Mr. Spittoon, who enjoyed the respect, as barman, in our boomtown.

The moral my friend… is violence never wins… always use your head instead!
Making friends, will always serve you better, than making enemy’s… it’s often said!

Details | Rhyme | |

Driving My Kids Crazy

Driving my kids crazy
Every day and night
Because my mind is hazy
Nothing comes out right

Still, I keep on teaching
The foggy lessons in my head
At the end of all my preaching
There's but one thing said

"I know what you are saying...
You said that yesterday."
In their heads their praying
I will go away

Still, they do consult me
When they are truly stuck
But, if I get to wordy
They'll be out of luck

The message will start hazing
From their doe-eyed sight
This act starts with a glazing
Of eyes and face and light

I see their minds have left me
They are waiting out their time
And if, they ignore me
It is a small crime

I know my kids all love me
And I feel just the same
Still I hope they'd all agree
In this there's no blame

And so I may keep yapping
Each and every day
But If disaster's tapping
I'll be on the way

I just want to guide my kids
Not drive them away
As I watch them roll those lids
I see the end of day

Okay, I'll be quiet now
No more torture, pain, or strife
And if, you'll just show me how
I'll go e-mail my wife

Details | Rhyme | |

Never Dream Within a Dream

-honestly...I have no clue why...- As I began to rest in my fickle dream Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep I was greeted by many a whisker And petulant snores from my sister The cat mewed ferociously and purred For there on the other side of the window—was a bird! It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass! And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm I swear my bosom was gone! The cat then motioned at the feathered brat For her bright breasts seemed extra fat Of course it wouldn’t have been that But I couldn’t just blame the cat! I opened the window only a crack And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?” Such pride she attained from my bosom Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!? The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly! She plopped to the ground and squawked I would have laughed, but I was shocked! The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!” Before I could think I had fallen to the ground To a booming, most terrible sound! My eyes then opened to a cat on my head As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed

Details | Rhyme | |

Call Me Insensitive

You call me insensitive,
But I don't believe that's true;
Because, you see,
It's all about me.
It's not about you.

You say your opinion doesn’t matter,
That I’ve no respect for your point of view;
But I do if we agree,
Because it’s all about me.
It’s not about you.

You say I’ve no compassion,
No feelings for your troubles or your blues;
But none of us is issue free,
And mine are all about me;
But…not about you.

A time old adage, 
“To thine own self be true.”,
Is all about choices you see.
My choices are all about me,
And, certainly, not about you.

So, when free or forced to make your choices
You’ll understand and know it’s true 
To decide what will or will not be,
Won’t be at all about me;
It will be all about you

But special moments confront each of us,
When what matters isn’t “Me”.
And while these moments are few,
They’re not about me, not about you.
For a time, it’s all about “We.”

Yes, “…no man is an island.”
Is a valid point of view;
But if it’s not about “We”, 
Then it’s all about me.
Sorry.  It’s not about you.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragons Zoo Field Trip

My son came home from school one day, wanting permission to go, to the Zoo.
His field trip sparked a riot. Can you imagine at home, what immediately ensued?
Trolls, Dragon, the weird frogs, plus a sundry of forest folk, all wanted to come.
Woe is me, I thought, as I fainted dead away. Can I even remotely get this undone?

Our neighbor witch, thought it a marvelous thing. She definitely wanted to be there.
But then, now did the entire, blooming forest folk! Can you imagine the result? I swear!
Naturally, the Zoo said no! Then I offered them the rights for the resulting video show.
Naturally, the News Guys wanted to come, for a reality story, all new and fully aglow.

Yes, ‘The Wild is about to meet, the Caged.’ Came the headlines from everywhere.
The witch put a spell on everyone; to successfully return us, without a worry or care.
Then she zapped… Us… There. The Penguins are barbarians, The Weird Frogs cried.
But jumped in, for a good time as the Puffins taught them to ride, their water slide.

The Polar Bears got a chance to play, for a change, with our fun filled Forest Bears.
The dragon went straight to the monkey house, and let them all out… of their lair!
Never fear, he let them ride to the sky, with acrobatics included for them, in the ride.
You see, they’re a curious lot, and literally wanted to see where the human’s abide.

But when they finally saw, what it looked like, they gladly went back, to their home.
Not enough trees for their liking… and cars trapping people in their cages, of chrome.
Now the beavers loved the otters, and the seals made the Trolls roar with, endless fun.
The seals put on a show and the Trolls paid a toll by rubbing their tummies, every one.

The Walrus joined in for the water fun, spraying everyone, and giving the Trolls a ride.
No one was bored, that day, as the giraffes watched happily, from where they reside.
Then as the night came to a close the dragon, did a spectacular, fireworks show.
I’d been near dead with worry. But the day went great, as I finally, came to know.

For once in my life, every thing was grand… as we safely made it home, though late.
Too bad Dragon did sneak back, to bring the Barbarian Penguins, home to our lake.
The next morning I got up to a God-awful noise for the penguins wanted to eat, now!
I could hear them, though they were in my recliners, all down by the shore. I avow!

Not to mention, the Zoo authorities had caught dragon on videotape, start to finish.
I thought we were in trouble, until a truck arrived with the penguins breakfast fish.
The authorities had come along, and wanted them kept right where they are. Oh Joy!
It appears renovations were scheduled, for their beloved home, at the Zoo. So enjoy!

Apparently, this would be their temporary home, so with fond regards… 
They left and… I put Dragon in charge… Can’t wait for the results… to start! 

Details | Rhyme | |

My Outhouse

Welcome to my outhouse My humble little abode Just four walls with a couple of holes That help with the ca-mode Always something to read Or a word search to be done May write some words on the wall To read later for a little fun So sorry about the smell But this is where the business gets done I'll kindly sprinkle some lime down later If I haven't got the runs At night with candles lit The aroma is not so bad It's really not a bad place to sh%t But the cold seat always makes me so mad When your time in here is through Leave the door hang open wide For it's easier to release the smell from in here If it's not always boxed up inside
Danny Boy:2-12-13

Details | Limerick | |

Affirmative Defense

Abel Cade got into a real deep blue funk,
Stumbled upon a road kill and ate the dang skunk,
Was right soon arrested by a passing Smokey,
Who threw his sorry behind in the local pokey.
Abel’s defense: “Don’t pick on me, can’t you see I’m drunk.”

Details | List | |

Chloee and Reginald The Stand Down Dachshund Comedians


Chloee? Yes Reginald! 
Why do they call us Dachshunds, Wiener Dogs?
Maybe they call you a Wiener Reginald!
You cut me off at the legs with that one Chloee!


Chloee? Yes Reginald! Have you ever smelled mothballs.
No Reginald it's too difficult to spread their tiny legs.
My that was a low blow Chloee. You wish Reginald, you wish!


Reginald? Yes Chloee! I was at the park with my owner playing
Frisbee. As I watched the Frisbee I wondered why it was getting 
bigger and bigger as it came towards me than it hit me.


Chloee? Yes Reginald!
I was just lying down in the park the other day watching a Labrador 
chasing his tail an' I thought ain't that amazing how easily amused 
Labradors are! Then I realized I was watching the Labrador chase his tail.


Reginald? Yes Chloee! I've written a poem it goes like this.
"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. And some don't!"


Chloee? Yes Reginald! I was at a restaurant, I ordered a chicken sandwich, 
but I don’t think the waitress understood me. Because she said,
“How would you like your eggs?” So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said, 
“Incubated! And then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked, 
and then cut up, and then put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. 
Damn! It’s gonna take a while. I don’t have time. Scrambled!”

The Finale

A Dachshund walks under a bar. I mean walks into a bar. Goes to the
bar and sits down. Asks the bartender "can I have a Budweiser Light 
Beer" the bartender serves him and informs him "that will be seven dollars".
The Dachshund pays. The bartender keeps looking at the Dachshund. 
Finally the Dachshund yells "What?" The bartender explains "no I'm 
sorry we just never get Dachshunds in this bar." The Dachshund replies 
"I'm not seven dollars for a beer..."

The Encore

Reginald? Yes Chloee! When you cut your nails, do you file them?
Yes Chloee as a matter of fact I do! Pity! I just throw mine out!

Sponsor: rob carmack
Contest: Daschunds

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon News Flash

News Flash! Dragons Back! He’s the News Hog of the Day.
No one can print, without him, becoming entangled in some way.
He heard that there’s a new newspaper lurking, around the bend.
He wants to know… if he can pose as the new Super Hero, therein?

He’s already has a cape, and cell phone, so those in trouble, can call.
But beware, of his landings dear, he’s known to knock a few things down.
Still he gives a striking pose for the paparazzi, who always following him.
He’s been made a junior fireman, because fire simply, doesn’t bother him.

He saved a cat form Old Lady Moores’ burning barn, just the other day.
Don’t believe the rumor, it started from a stray spark, they say, one of his...
Remember don’t say that, it makes our little Dragon cry…it was the wind!
Besides, our Carpenter Trolls are building, a new one; it’ll be done, soon!

Acorn Falls is our town; Dragon seems to have put it on the map, to stay.
There are folks in town wanting a name change, to Dragon’s Mayhem Falls!
If you want an exciting vacation, let me know, I’ll tell you where, it’s at!
In the meantime, I have numbers to call, to contact us, if you’re in a pinch.

The carpenter Troll’s are             1-800-555- Repair & Fix
The town number has become      1-800-555- Mayhem Falls
My number for a joyous write is    1-800-555- let it rip
To Rent a Super Hero Dragon is    1-800-555-Dragons Here

Just remember that if you call Dragon, Please keep the other numbers on hand.
There’s a free coupon given, if first time services: are needed because of him.
And remember, if repairs are needed, a free barbecue, can be on the house.
Especially, if that’s what’s burning… so be prepared… we’re good at that!

Details | Rhyme | |


I have a fat and furry friend
All pink and spotty black.
I grew him from some Camembert-
The smelly little Rat!

He is my very Mouse-Pig
For that’s his very name, 
Sometimes I call him Roger 
Just like his steptwin Shane. 

I like to give him all I can
Though humble poor are we.
I gave him a good character- 
2 slices for his tea. 

I love my little Mouse-Pig 
I love him like a pet. 
Sometimes I take him out for walks 
And sometimes to the vet.

I dare not let him venture far 
For fear he won’t come back. 
Last week he almost wandered off 
Without his packymac. 

‘You’ll catch your death- or even worse!’ 
I warned in worried tone. 
‘There’s things out there what likes to eat 
A Mouse-Pig far from home. 

‘Don’t worry Dad,’ he answered back 
In usual piggy chatter. 
‘If anyone should have a go 
I’ll cover them in batter!’ 

Then all at once, without a sound 
He sang with all his might. 
I’ve never heard a Mouse-Pig 
I said in wondrous sight.

‘That’s nothing Pa,’ he mouthed in tune, 
And leaping to his trotters
Declared as he flew flying off-
I’ll show those dirty rotters!’

‘Farewell my fat and furry friend,’
I bellied to the sky,
And turning one last time he squeaked,
‘I’m off to find my sty.’

And then he flew right out of sight, 
As far as I could see, 
And with a little shedding tear 
I went in for my tea. 

Details | Rhyme | |


Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Dragon Walkie

I was out walking my dragon, when I came across a Dogasaurus Rex.
It really wasn’t so bad until; they got into a real life-pissing contest.
My dragons’ roar was way less than his, and spitting fire, he couldn’t do.
So they squared off, eyes aglow, and yep, a true pissing contest did ensue.

Now, that was really icky, and flooded my neighbors whole lawn, ewww.
Well, it smelled awfully bad, but when they got going, what was I to do.
And a pooper-scooper does not work here, so I had to wait till both were thru.
If there wasn’t enough testosterone, now my neighbors’ was added, to the brew.

A mean old codger lived right there, and now, even he, was royally pissed.
Watering the lawn wouldn’t send it away; it would spread it more, amiss.
I ran to get my neighbor witch, who was laughing her head off, yes, indeed.
I’d need her help to save the yard, and with the old codger, to finally succeed.

The old codger amazed, started adding, held in, bubbling laughter, to the brew.
Seems he’s a lonely old man, with not enough fun added in his life, it’s true.
He tapped his foot, as his dogasaurus Rex did more, what was I to do, in truth?
I became worried, it would be the death of him, if he didn’t laugh out loud, forsooth.

I ask the dragon, to burn the yard, to save us all, but he just snickered more, thereon. 
How, you ask, was I to extradite myself? I went home to put a fire retardant suit, on.
Coming back I kicked, the dragon in his butt, for always being so crazily, put upon.
That quickly brought his fire on me, as I took it into the middle of the yucky lawn. 

With the taunting done, the icky stuff gone, the witch put the grass back, with great skill.
Then, the dragon started laughing, his butt off, while thinking I’d owe the witch’s bill.
Hah! He was incredulous, as I said; he’d do the witch’s bidding, till it was fulfilled.
Then, the silly dragon, down right cried, as I told him, the walkies, would now be nil!

But, Grandpa Troll intervened, with us both in timeout, again, facing across the lake.
And, the old codger, spent the rest of his life happy, entertaining the town, with our fate.
From then on, the dragon and dogasauraus, were seen everywhere, as great playmates.
And me, I always carry an umbrella, so Dragon can never rain on my parade… 

Details | Limerick | |

While Close Dancing

On the dance-floor they did a zigzag
But he was an ol’ scallywag:
-	“If you feel something hard
-	Pay no regard …
It’s just my colostomy-bag”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Kiss the Rain

Like any family, mine’s the same, they leave Mama with the dirty Chores.
You’d think with Trolls, and Dragons, and such… There’d be magic galore!
But I concede defeat at Pooper Scooping Time, my sons taught everyone well.
You’d think just once, they wouldn’t run away, with such a humongous bombshell.

The Witch next door is out of town; she usually uses it to fertilize her yard.
Her magic does it in a minute flat, but she’s not here, as my yard becomes marred.
She flew on vacation with the first snowfall; in spring she’ll help my backyard.
In the meantime it’s just little old me… It’s like cleaning out a yucky stockyard.

So I gave a shovel to a grouchy old Dragon, since he’s so big and does so much.
But I came back fricasseed and charbroiled, my shovel totally melted, as such.
I put on my fire retardant suit, and I gave him a special spot where he can unload.
Apparently he didn’t like that either, as I dug out from under a humongous load.

Finally, raking it all up, I ask the dragon, to make cinders of the yucky stuff.
Instead he laughed as he huffed and puffed, blowing smoke at me, in a huff.
I smelled kinda bad as I went to the house, getting a cart to fill to the brim.
I’ll admit, getting mad at a dragon was never a good idea, to originally begin.

But I was pissed, as it looked like rain, and my mind was beginning to spin.
I filled the cart to overflowing, then tied it to the sleeping dragon’s… butt end.
When he woke up, he flew half way up to the moon, spreading it on the wind.
Unfortunately it was me, my yard, and my house, that finally got it again.

Who knows where that darned old cart now lies, as he came flying back alone.
I had learned my lesson that it would never be wise to lose my temper again.
So as the rain began to wash my folly away, I looked up and kissed the rain.
Sometimes it’s prudent, to just relax, and get in touch with the elements again.

Details | Rhyme | |

Silly Billy Goes To The Zoo -

Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu That day the whole sky was blue And he carried along his teddy Pooh Silly Billy love walking to the park every day He love watching the clouds in the sky, Silly Billy was just a regular kid too And he had a lot of friends at school like you. Silly Billy best friends were Sue and his Pooh, So when his parents took him to the zoo, He was so happy to bring along his Pooh, And show him all the places to see. Silly Billy wanted to see everything in the zoo, Starting with: the bears, the tigers, and all the monkeys too. Silly Billy asked his dad to let him feed all the animals you see, But his dad told him, he couldn't do that, 'cause that was a wrong thing to do. Silly Billy loved all the animals in the zoo He was so happy to have spent there the day He had so much fun enjoying all the view His father promised him to bring back another day. Silly Billy went back home content with his Pooh, He gave a big hug to his mom and his dad that day; The day was still beautiful but was almost through Silly Billy smiled and looked up at the sky still blue. Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu Silly Billy went along to the zoo With his family and his teddy Pooh. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2007 October, 5, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Dueling Would Be Violins

The vegetable orchestra was about to play Fred and Ted had to have their way Both the same, stubborn twins These two dueling string bean violins “I’m the lead violin” said Fred “No you’re not” said violin Ted “My strings are taught and so fine” “So what” said Fred, "so are mine" “And you’re warped in the middle” “Get lost” said Ted, “You’re just a second hand fiddle” “I'm as good as a Stradivari, don’t you know?, And I have the finest bow” “That doesn’t matter, you’re still a buffoon, Oh, and you’re always out of tune” “Look I’m lead violin, I won’t be thwarted” An angry Fred String bean, retorted The argument went on, it never diminished Until the concert was over and finished So who won?, that’s another story Roger the roobarb stole all the glory
For contest 'Show Me The Funny'

Details | Limerick | |

Witch Bakery

There once was a witch whose pies
Were unique as to flavor and size.
When she opened her ovens
She delighted her covens,
With dozens of old crusty guys.

Details | Rhyme | |

Pirates Cove

Water wives live sheltered lives
Amongst the coves where pirates rove

Daily catch is makers match
Where red hot stoves hide fresh baked loaves

Water men are thick and thin
So often strove where shipmates hove

Water child is often wild
The treasure trove where pirates roved


Details | Free verse | |

The Birth

Your presence within my sphere
Is utterly enlightening and true
It is nice to realize the blessings of life
Are the very words you engrave on my heart

I trust your heart is filled with gladness
Supported with positivity and gain
Terrestrial rains sh*t glitter at me
As bursts of chuckles saturate my brain

I am moved by a humorous plight
Of words flying like heroine-addicted chickens
Clucking and pecking at Charles Dickens

I have become this nonsensical buffoon
As my pride rises like an off-brown balloon
Only to deflate in a fit of guffaws and mirth

Ever since you appeared on this earth
There was an unexpected birth

Details | Light Poetry | |

an unexpected visitor

 last night i had the strangest dream
 i dreamt i was all manky
 i had greasy hair and smelly feet
 and bogies in my hanky

 my ass was brown and pooey
 my ears full of yellow stuff
 my belly button stank cus
 of all the fuzzy fluff

 my eyes were black like pandas
 my pants were brown and fishy
 my armpits smelled like rotten eggs
 and my farts were wet and squishy

 i dreamed you called unexpectedly
 you surprised me at the door
 you looked aghast and took one whiff
 and fainted on the floor 

Details | Rhyme | |

Foul Mouth Parrot

I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Verse | |

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.

Details | Free verse | |

World Cup 2014

Pain in Spain
Bland England
Shame in the game
Who do you blame
When your approach is lame
Three lions or three blind mice?
I wonder

Details | Rhyme | |

Those Contest Titles

I guess I will, have to admit
My english ain't that good
But thought I'd find a contest
To win one if I could

But when I started reading
The words found on 'That List'
I instantly realized
There's schooling that I've missed

Is Alouette's some kind of song
I heard, frenchmen sing before
Is Zeugma that exercise 
They do while on the floor

Portmanteaus must be a wine
You drink it 'till you can
Recite the alphabet 
Like an Abecedarian

Chastuska, must be that blessing
They say after you sneeze     
And A Florette's a toi-o-let
That's filled with Potpourri  

I know I have a lot to learn
As I journey on life's way
But can't we have a contest
That isn't hard to say
                           By I Ambic

Details | Rhyme | |

Went Fishin'

Submitted to the "Gone Fishin" contest

Trollin’ the islands at Texoma,
It was April, 1964.
New rod and reel in hand,
I’d NEVER been fishing before.

A Garcia 2510T casting rod.
The reel, a Mitchell 301,
Plus hand-selected worms and lures…
I was ready to have some fun.

My teacher, a master fisherman,
Had fished all over the earth...
From trout in Austrian mountain streams
To sea bass just west of Perth.

He showed me all the basics,
Including how to tie a lure.
“No snaps. They’re no good.
Tie’em on…just to be sure.”

He made me practice casting.
“Take aim with your rod’s tip 
Take her back - ten, eleven, twelve, one;
Smoothly return to ten… with just a little flip.”

While I practiced the casting motion,
He said, “Large Mouths will be jumpin’ bugs.
Water’s bubblin’ with Sand Bass spawnin’.
You’ll know the difference if one gives you a tug.”

As we drifted around the islands,
He said, “I think you’re ready.”
So, I picked a lure, a pretty Heddon;
And tied her on.  My hands were steady.

Yellow with black dots and a weed guard. 
A streamer tail and double treble hooks.
Who knew if she would do the job,
But I liked the way she looked.

As I tied her on, I looked around
For a likely place for my first cast.
Magazine pictures always showed weeds
In the background of a striking Bass.

So, I picked a reed bed in the shallows;
Threw my first cast, watched her fly.
What happened next was the stuff of dreams.
We couldn’t believe our eyes. 

About eighteen inches before she lit,
A monstrous Large Mouth erupted from the water.
My teacher screamed, “Holy Mary, Mother of God!  
Kiss O’Reilly’s Ugly Daughter!”

When the Bass broke water, it scared me. 
My whole body jerked and shook.
So sudden, so silent, it seemed like slow motion.
Until I heard him screaming, “Set the hook!  Set the hook!”

When the big Bass scared me,
I must have set the hook.
The tussle was on, long and hard.
This fish didn’t want to be cooked.

My lack of skills prevailed, however,
As I finally reeled him in;
I grabbed him by the lower lip,
Like I’d seen Don Wallace do, time and time again.

“Oh, my God”, he murmured as he weighed the Bass;
“Jeez.  Over thirteen pounds....Thirteen pounds, two.”
He took out his Polaroid and laughed, 
“I’ll take a picture of this fish... holdin' you.”

He snapped the picture of me holding the Bass;
On the back wrote the date, the length and weight.
As he turned to put the camera away……
Get ready.  This is the part that’s great.

I’d watched Don Wallace ‘catch and release’.
He always did that on his show.
“This fish put up a good fight.” he’d say;
“Now it’s time to let him go.”

Yes, as my teacher put away the camera,
I held the big Bass by the lower lip and tail
And ‘swished’ him in the water,
Making sure his gills would not fail.

My teacher turned and saw what I was doing
Just as I let the big Bass go.
This, too, was like slow motion
As I heard him screaming, “NOOOOOOO!”

“Why would you do that, Lad?
Do ya know nothin’ at all?
A fish like that... on your very first cast?
Well...Lad, that fish goes on the wall.”

“Well…he’ll be here next year.” I said with a smile,
“And even bigger, I’ll bet.”
He said, ”You’ll make a fisherman, Lad.
It’s not for the fish that we fish…

but for the great stories we get.” 

I still have that lure…and the rod and reel.
Still in their bags and boxes, just like new.
I thought about selling them on eBay,
But 50 years later, they have sentimental value.

You see…I’ve been invited to go fishin’ several times
By golfin’ buddies and other friends;
But for some reason…I really don’t know why…
I’ve never gone fishin’ again.

They say, “Truth is stranger than fiction.”
And I believe that is a fact.
I hope you enjoyed this bit of truth and,
In the meantime…..”Ya’ll come back!”

Details | Sonnet | |

Tasted So Good

I ate some fried catfish and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried catfish taste?
It tasted so good it made a hound dog slap a bull dog.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried chicken and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried chicken taste?
It tasted so good it made a wolf howl and a grizzly bear dance.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried crawfish and it tasted so good!
Just how good did that fried crawfish taste?
It tasted so good it made an alligator turn a somersault.
That had to have been some mighty fine vittles.

I ate some fried rat and it tasted so bad!
I had to throw it all up in a brown paper bag.

Details | Limerick | |

Gnarly Balls

Gnarly balls, gnarly balls,
Vladimir Putin’s got gnarly balls.
He wrestles bears
But he’s losing his hair.
Vladimir Putin’s got gnarly balls.

Details | Alliteration | |


Garrulous girls gather Glorious and giddy Giggling and gossiping Geared up endearingly Go out in groovy nights Getting glacial but gay Girls giving grief to guys
Syllables 42. Counted on +++++++ April 27, 2014 Form:PLEIADES Dr. Ram Mehta

Details | Acrostic | |


Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?

Details | Rhyme | |

Happy Question

Today I am going to hop my way to my brother.
To tell him how I feel about not being together.
I thought I could be so kind.
I saw him by the road side and I was blind.
I could just end it all by now.
Today I tried a cow.
It really was hard to do.
Then I hired a semi crew.
I watched carefully, darn he is fast!
My name is Happy ?, I'm Easter's brother who is sad.
He painted eggs that made me jealous and bad.
I hopped one day and he threw an egg at me.
My heart became really cold that memory was key.
I finally thought of it an accident really is going to happen.
Happy Easter is going to be laugh-en.
Good to see you, I said to a mystery man.
I was told not to associate with any human.
It was my last resort.
The man had a sports car a beautiful sort.
I was desperate, now, I'm in a bunny court.

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |



When Causticat expressenced her doverse,
Aficionadog  Yamahawker howled
the beseechickens' song that coyoterse
was chickencouraging allegrettold.

Chickenclopedia somehow pignored
the roosterrestrials' dancing chickentreat
Aficionadog's dance was abroadored
and his cathletics multilevelite.

The roosterrestrials thus, barracudanced
Galas! the maidenchanted Causticat
wide eyed she balladmired the saladvanced
and chickenable braves to broadenact.

Aficionadog's triple Axle loop
combined with Ballu Tundu workbenchasse
Romanaged to lexiconvince the coop,
and libidog of self Igniting Cats.

The Vibradog  Mandelbrotating chanced
and buffalone friskated on the ice
cattractive Causticat and him codanced
with Yahahawker to acrobatice.

© G. V. 09-10-2013 All rights reserved
(Iambic pentameter)

Details | Rhyme | |

Our Not-So Perfect World

In a perfect world...

Things won't break,
Our clothes don't shrink,
Bugs won't bite,
And skunks don't stink.

People never snore,
They don't even sneeze;
Ice cream never melts,
And puddles don't freeze.

There are no creepy crawlers,
No slimy pets,
No spooky sounds,
No noisy jets.

We never get dirty,
We never get told,
It's never too hot,
It's never too cold.

No one is shorter,
No one is taller,
Nothing is bigger,
Nothing is smaller.

In a perfect world...
There's no fun at all.
But in our not-so-perfect world,
We always have a ball! 

by Ana Espinola Collins

Details | Alliteration | |

alliteration medley

telling tendrils twine
a lovers loop of longing
until finally touching

a shimmering swine
swirling and slick
hard to get

a tangible tableau set with
tasty taters and tomaters
touching my tongue with a tang

belligerent battles belittle
brains badly, but burlesque
beauty is a buoyant business

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Job Interview

The HR person called me in… I was turning gray… Was he even twenty-one?
I wondered if the interview would go well, as he did fung shui the chairs around.
Offered a caramel expresso mocha late decaf, I told him I took my coffee black.
Alas my friend, it got progressively worse, this: our proverbial generational gap.

He asked me to explain, how I’d be the best personnel fit, for this illustrious job.
Ah! Experience I had in abounds, as I pulled out a 100-page resume, neatly bound.
That question, had me off and running, but I knew, I was in some trouble when…
I saw his eyes glaze over, and he ask me, ‘Have we made it into space yet?’

He smirked, when he ask, about ‘Recent’ applicable education, in the last 5 years.
I condensed my course certifications till he nearly fell off, his crazy chair, my dear!
He ask the projects worked on, unfortunately, all were government secret classified. 
So I added some of the numerous skills, that had been applied, till he almost cried.

I started with the job descriptions, but he didn’t like… that the names were so long.
And the abbreviations normally used, in this line of work, almost blew his mind.
Though I also got the feeling, he may have thought that I’d finally, lost mine, since…
My accomplishments had scads of stuff he’d never, ever, be able to comprehend...

You know, ‘things’ about the job, HR doesn’t care about or bother to be clued in.
Luckily all was saved, before the interviewers’ jaw, hit the floor around his chair.
Using a power point presentation, illustrations appeared, giving him a better clue.
I even gave him a burned DVD, set to the music of  ‘Live Free or Die Hard’, too.

He ask about items, he’d never heard of, you know, from way before he was born.
But got the feeling he’d be more attentive, talking about a computer game going on.
I didn’t lie about a thing, it’s not my fault some Companies are now closed down!
But I felt things were somewhat a success, as security finally came to lead me out…

Unfortunately, in the end, they hired a young one, and I couldn’t understand why.
He was a quiet, little, studious kid, who didn’t say a thing, but had stars in his eyes.
He didn’t understand any of the work involved, but his pay would be next to none.
But that's whom they got: until that company closed for work that couldn’t be done.

All because the HR Department didn't help them get the workers they did need.
I became self-employed, developing computer games, all the rage! Oh So Sweet!
Yes, I became a millionaire, with my own company, without HR, anywhere seen!
Now, we develop rockets to go into space, where I felt, that HR person should be.

Dedicated to all those Middle aged people stressed out after looking for a job.
Wife and Hubby Collaboration

Details | Rhyme | |

Four frogs on a log

Four Frogs On A Log.

Four frogs were lazing in the sun
When a log came floating by.
So the frogs all scrambled on to it
With happy little cries.
Not one of them had sailed before
And it was so much fun
But then it was, the big debate begun.

One frog said "Ain't that something
This log is so alive.
It moves along so easily
Now don't you think, you guys?".
"It's not the log that moves you twerp!!"
Said another thinking frog.
It be the river moving, not the log!!

"Oh no, no ,no" a third frog said
The both of you be wrong
It's not the log, the river neither 
It's your mind that moves along.
The moving be your thinking
Without it nothing be.
And those three did get to arguing
And never did agree.

The fourth frog said "you all be right
Not one of you be wrong.
The log it moves, the river moves
And the mind moves it along".
At that the other three got mad
For each did yearn to win.
So they grabbed that wise old frog and threw him in.

Socrares Feb 16 2004

Details | Narrative | |

Burger Joint

Lucy and Matilda were on the job at the burger joint.
Bad boy Buzz Muldoon rushed in brandishing a gun.
Matilda kicked the would-be robber square in his junk.
Lucy bashed his head in with a badass ball-peen hammer.
The two hard working ladies continued cleaning up the joint.
They chunked Muldoon in the dumpster with the rest of the trash.
Lucy and Matilda opened the establishment without missing a beat.
It was just another typical day right here in the big bad city.
To be successful entrepreneurs in this old turbulent world,
you have to grow a pair of big brass gnarly ones, be you male or female.

Details | Rhyme | |

Sister, Sister

Mother Superior faced a daunting task,
Like no other in her forty years.
She had prayed it simply wasn’t so,
That Godly intervention might belie her fears.

But sadly, there was no such intervention,
No relief from the duty she did rue.
Despite her hopes and all her prayers,
It had been confirmed.  What she feared was true.

So, she gathered all the Sisters after Vespers.
The impromptu meeting caused quite a stir.
There was murmuring as they filed into the chapel.
She hesitated for a moment... but no, she was sure.

“Sisters, I asked you all here to share some news.
It’s something I never thought I’d have to say.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”
Mary Catherine, a Sister for sixty years, said, 
“Oh, thank God.  I’m so tired of Chardonnay.” 

Details | Free verse | |

The Great Potato Mash Up

Like a good Canadian boy
I love taters from PEI
So I got myself an idea

Filled my truck
A '67 Chevy
Tons of taters 
(dollar signs in my head)

Sounding like a beast
Driving down the highway
Gears slipping
Brakes squealing like always

In Ontario
Busiest Highway in Canada

Now my story 
Gets weird

I hit a
Slippery spot
Spinning and spinning

Slam into a milk truck
And we both slam into a 
Delivery truck
Filled with butter

Taters flinging everywhere

Cars skidding
Crashing smashing mashing
Spinning swishing fluffing

Road closed

A Great Wall
Mashed Potatoes

I went to a Policeman    
And asked him
"What do we do now?"

He turned to me 
With a grin and said

"Got a fork?"

© 2013 Rick Zablocki?"

Details | Limerick | |

The Diet ---

Skin is the best part of a nugget
Kentucky cooling in the bucket
        Slush Puppies to chase
        Forming my dietary base
Worrying about my weight  .....  f(orget) ‘t!

Please see the About section for further notes regarding Limericks.

4 Jan 2013

Please note that this poem was run up in a flash and not accurate in so far as meter is concerned - check the date it was written: I was still recovering from all the work over the festive season... :-) Here follows an update for the purist among you:

Skin is the best part of a nugget
Kentucky now cooling in bucket
        Slush Puppies to chase
        Forms dietary base
Worrying about my weight  .....  f(orget) ‘t!

Written in amphibrachic meter: In other words, how I speak and where the stresses fall naturally for my speach patern. 
Lines 1, 2 and 5: */*; ending with a feminine syllable
Lines 3 and 4: truncated to 5 syllable, ending in masculine syllable: */*l*/
Per my notes in the About section: "In other words, it’s got nine syllables to the long lines and six to the short ones, although it is not uncommon to leave a syllable out." 

The classic limerick is an anapestic trimeter of five lines with the rhyming scheme AABBA.
It is possible, although not the classic form, to replace all the anapests with amphibrachs,
but they cannot be mixed.

(The anapest [or anapaest] is a beat of UUS [Unstressed-Unstressed-Stressed] -
not to be confused with a dactyl [SUU] which should not be used in limericks.
The amphibrach is a beat of USU.)

There are three beats in the first, second and fifth lines of a limerick
and two in the third and fourth:-

Diddy-DUM diddy-DUM diddy-DUM
Diddy-DUM diddy-DUM diddy-DUM
Diddy-DUM diddy-DOM
Diddy-DUM diddy-DOM
Diddy-DUM diddy-DUM diddy-DUM

An extra syllable or a syllable fewer may sometimes be tolerated
if all the lines with the same rhyme have the same structure.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Happy Dress

It’s a mother-in-law’s right, her prerogative 
To ‘drop in’ on her son almost any time,
But a mother-in-law should always be prepared
For almost anything she may find.

So, Mother Cready dropped in unannounced;
But as she approached her son’s front door,
Suddenly it opened.  “Ta Da!  Do you like my happy dress?”
His young wife stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

“Oh, my word!” Mother Cready exclaimed with surprise.
“Why are you naked?  Are you insane?”
Just as surprised, the young wife pulled her inside.
“Please, Mother Cready…if you’ll just let me explain.

You see, when Mac has had a rough day,
When he’s been under a lot of stress,
Sometimes I meet him at the door
With a smile and a kiss in my happy dress.

It always relaxes him and makes him happy,
Then he makes me very happy too.
It works for Mac and me, Mother Cready;
Maybe it would work for you.”

“We’re too old for such.” scoffed Mother Cready.
“Perhaps if we were young like the two of you.”
But, on her way home, she decided
She was definitely going to try it too.

So, she bathed and put on some nice perfume,
Fixed her make-up and her hair.
She was thinking some very sexy thoughts,
But she had to hurry…no time to spare.

She heard her husband’s car in the driveway;
And as he approached their front door,
She threw it open.  “Ta Da! Do you like my happy dress?"
She stood there in her ‘all in all’…nothing more.

She saw a little grimace cross his face,
But that was not the worst.
Then he said, “I appreciate your happy dress, my dear;
But maybe you should have ironed it first.”


“Well…your ‘happy dress’ could use some ironing;
But my birthday suit could use some starch.”
He kissed her. “Bet you and I can work it out.”;
And off to bed they marched.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Programmers Paradise

Hubby was talking about the job he was at: when he suddenly…
Got into the ‘Computer Programmers Mode’. Where absolutely…
Everything became ‘DITS & DOTS, and DARS & FARS’…
No more caffeine for Hubby any time this week, at home!

This lingo of his, only belongs at work, where he IS an Uber Geek.
But here at home… you gotta know… he’s only talking to me!
It must be like the dreams he has, with reams and reams of code.
And tables of papers are stacked to the ceiling, or maybe to his nose.

It’s an APP-APP here, and an APP-APP there, to tie the Data to his code.
Make it go faster! Make it go smarter! In his own little world, you know.
His eyes have glazed, as his fingers flash over his fancy keyboard at home.
If only me, his little old wifey- poo, could get such attention as this, to know.

At least, he keeps my computers running, like crazy, and way up to snuff!
Now if only he’d give me the time of day… to get my own work done.
With a type-type here, and a type-type there: I definitely blow his mind.
He’d fix my typing, if only he could, with a new app, well designed.

The ‘Trouble with Tribbles’ is nothing, as when confronting an Uber Geek.
Microsoft falls into a hush, as they whisper out his name and fame complete.
For Halloween, he hooks up electronics, with apps to animated programming…
Never Fear! Hubby’s here! Next, the Turkey will be clucking binary coding.

He made Santa a GPS, which goes to mars and beyond: It’s simply otherworldly.
But now he’s talking in binary code… I hope Hubby’ll land home, soon, surely.
For with DITs & DOTS, and DARS & FARS it’s getting way past midnight.
I know he’ll be back to earth soon, tho, for it’s time to say goodnight!

Details | Etheree | |

Farm Walk

Looking out the barn door in our back yard
I watched a deer run through our cow field,
acting like cow pies were mine fields.
He appeared not to like cows
and seemed to plug his nose
by lifting fat lips
to block nostrils
from smelling
to much
seemed too
for this fine beast.
He kept on running
lips flapping in the air
making funny bubbly sounds,
purposely or not, I'm not sure
But one thing I do know for certain.
This was the strangest deer I've ever seen.

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 
For Shadow Hamilton's Contest
Double Reverse Etheree

Details | Limerick | |

Batman and Robin

Batman and Robin were done!
Out cold, on a road, via stun-gun!
-   ‘long came a truck
-   both of them struck
Now it’s just:  “Flatman” and “Ribbon”

Details | Couplet | |



I'm what you call a bug
When humans see me they go UHG

Humans don't care about my needs
Or my sometimes good deeds

But such bothersome things
Roll right off my wings

When I can dip my feet
Blistered from the heat 

In the bird bath for which I'm looking
When on a hot day I'm cooking

But the frog over there
Is beginning to stare

I'm sure he sees me as a meal that's free

So I'll jump quick in this pool
And swim fast like a fool 


A nice cooling splash
And this bug revives fast

Details | Concrete | |


You are one of the reasons
Why they inflate their quote
If you had seized the seasons
Good men could have had your vote

You are one of the reasons
Why our sweet land has gone sour in waste
Here is one of your multiple treasons
You aid corruption just to suit your taste

You are one of the reasons we wedge weighty wrath
Bombs daily detonate like fickle fireworks far north
You decided to do nothing but shut your mouth
So they took our weary sail south

You are one of the reasons the land is inflicted with rape
Overflowing in abundance yet you mong like a greedy ape
Alas our land is grey and old but not due
And it hurts me to know that I am also you.

Details | Haiku | |

Coo-Coo Ca-Ca Chu

Coo-Coo Ca-Ca Chu!
That means a bird’s crapped on you!
That’s not nice at all!

Details | Rhyme | |

Fishing Buy The Pound

Finn and Mcgee
went fishing once more
With the money they saved up all year

They rented a cabin 
up by the lake
And filled it with fish bate and beer

For two weeks of fishing
They made it their mission 
To wake up and start at first light

With poles in their hands
They hardly could wait
For a big fish to come up and bit

Day after day
They fished and they fished
but barely got even a nibble

Then on the last day
McGee caught a trout
That apparently wasn't so fickle

Now on the way Home
Finn said to McGee
"You Know what this fish, has cost you...

...A thousand Quid"
"Well Finn, if it did
Then I glad I didn't catch two"

Details | Light Poetry | |

Computer Techs

Everyone wants free help from that Computer expert, Hubby of mine.
They want to know his computer secrets, on what he does, each time.
So let me give you some hints, for he’s brilliant, in what he can do!
Then, if you believe me… Well, that will be…strictly up to you.

Whenever the line SLOWS down, it’s a FBSOW! What’s does that mean?
That there’s a Fat Bird Sitting On the Wire, hanging on so tight…
That he’s choking your signal off… So, you see! It’s time to call a tech!
He’ll be able to send a signal out to… Yep, to Kick that big ole’ Bird off!

When you try to turn your computer on, and it doesn’t want to come on?
Hubby will send a signal to kick it, in its’ illustrious little ole’, tin pants!
You see, there’s no better way to wake up… the Slug-A-Bug there…
That’s stopping it from coming on, cause he wants to snooze, some more!

You’ve a computer that squeaks and grinds, and isn’t acting very nice?
Then he’ll send it a little more juice that’ll oil, its spinning hinges up.
You’d be amazed what a little juice can do…to help those Hamsters’ out!
He’ll make it hum, as those Hamsters run, and enjoy themselves, all night!

Hey… Got Bug-A-Boos’ in the system? Having trouble with The Internet?
He’ll send another type of signal to send those amazing spider-bots out.
They can catch those spy-bots quick, within those webs they love to spin.
You know! Spy-bots that mine your info, and love to give it out, again!

But too many cobwebs can begin, to clog everything, slowing it, way down.
Then Hubby can sic that Fat Bird Sitting On the Wire to clean them out!
What! What did you think made him so fat? Surely, you must of, seen that?
But Hubby knows, and that’s WHY, as a computer tech, he gets big bucks!

All this time, you’ve been none the wiser! Now, what do you think of that!

Written by Mike and Carol Eastman

Details | Light Poetry | |

Star Trek Rules

Star Trek Rules!

It was time for: Comic Con! Comic Con! Dragon wanted to come, too!
But then so did everyone else at Troll Lake… Hey, now, wouldn’t you?
We made some really cool costumes… for the costume show, my Dear.
You can guess, ‘Star Trek Rules!’ It couldn’t be anything less, you hear. 

Our favorite nighttime popcorn show, would truly now, become a part of our lives! 
The penguins got permission from the zoo; to go… great publicity, so very wise.
McRacoon had his Las Vegas Dragons get us, and a mock saucer, there, all on time.
Naturally pre-registered and in costume, we strutted in! Hi there! Began the playtime!

Man we were really cool, as the guest actors ask for OUR autographs. For Real!
Pictures were snapped, and a poster made, to be signed by everyone, so cheerful.
It’s highest bid, given to charity, would be a nice touch, for everyone in our crew.
The costume show was set outside, where all the dragons, could fly in, or out, too.

And a small mock, star ship was landed on stage, so we could enter with more flare.
Lord a mercy! Look at us! We’d never be like this, again! We were like stars, I swear!
Grandpa Troll, became Mr. Spock, naturally, because he was so, very clever and wise.
Our neighbor witch, was Uhura, due to her great ability to, protect everyone’s’ lives. 

Borp the Frog became Sulu, so he could take us up to Borp speed, with laser effects!
Hubby was Scotty, with the Tinker Trolls in engineering, for special effects, so perfect!
The penguins were the beloved crewmembers, running with lasers, all over the place.
The powder puff tribbles, got wet, so yes, became the ‘Trouble with Dribbles’, in space.

The Mary River Turtles wanted to be Checkov. What a groovy, exciting, security team.
Dragon wanted to be Captain Kirk, you know, like totally, in command… At the scene!
All agreed, I’d be a great Dr. McCoy, since I always get to, kiss the Boo- Boo’s away.
The Weird Frogs were the Aliens, chasing everyone mindlessly, around, the set, that day.

And the Las Vegas Dragons, became attacking star ships, over which our lasers won!
The crowds went wild, and we won first place in their hearts, as well as, in their minds!
Everyone had, such a good time, so the Trek continued, well after, when we got home.
That year Comic Con made the National news, and of course, nobody, was surprised!

As the residents of Troll Lake and Acorn Falls… continue to Trek on… every day!

By Mike and Carol Eastman… 

Details | Prose | |

After The storm


After the storm, she received her order of pepperoni-mushroom,
(it was a special delivery by her favorite pizza-man),

well baked over coals, on an oven-surface of tiled macadam,
covered with tons of smoked fresh Mozzarella, imported from Bhutan!
The pizza-man, (who outfaced the Storm in a morello-burgundy Chevrolet),
awaited patiently outside her house, lifting weights;

inside, she was chatting with her ballet tutor, while a bouquet
of rare rose blooms he imported for her, from Bering Straits.
The flowers arrived in a silver-gold 'enveloppant',
thence, très elegant, rang her bell, dancing in front of her door,

wearing a pistachio Diesel sweat-shirt and Compagnie Canedienne pants,
performing jumping sommersolts; best part of his acrobatic galore.
She opened her mouth in awe! His daring leg's step-arabesque
was a provocation; thus, she responded with a tread-chasse,

- and then, both slid on ice dancing in a theater burlesque
that their mind created following the notes of a distant jazzy brass.
In harmony performed jump combinations, 'et sur la tiers',
with a rose in her hair, she started eating a tasteful slice of the pizza,

while he lifted her over his head, with a 'reverse',
(- fact is, right after her last 'lutz-jump' fall, she suffered amnesia).
Trying to hold her, he gallantly bumped his head on a fender,
and while listening to numerous chirping yellow birds,

decided that she was ancient Penelope and he, a contender,
who fought with bravery to conquer her heart she kept undeterred.
Dancing, they swayed behind the hill, and gliding on a vast plain,
he noticed that they were Pizza-Transferred through time,

she confessed that her granny was from Aquitaine,
thenceforth in incandescence they ice skated until Springtime.

© 02-13-2013, All Rights Reserved
(ABAB rhyming prose (!! Hmm...))

Inspired by "Mumford and Sons" song
After the Storm.. 
" There will be a time you'll see ...with no more tears , and Love will not break your Heart , but dismiss your fears . Get Over your hill and see , what you find there ,  with Grace in your heart and flowers in your hair "

Sponsor: Shanity Rain
Contest Name: new contest by Shanity Rain!! " After the storm "
Deadline: 12/26/2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Her Sense of Humor

A slight hint of consternation was in her voice,
“Why did you tell those people I’m deaf and dumb?”
“I never said you were deaf, my Dear.”
She laughed, but I kinda felt like a bum.

Hell.  It was just a joke.

One evening, she asked, “Will you love me if I get chubby?”
I responded, “Of course I still love you.
It would take much more than pounds and cellulite
To make me fall out of love…it’s true.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

“Would you remarry if I die before you?” she asked.
I said, “No…probably not…I’ve been spoiled by you.”
“But you’ve been a great husband. I think you should.”
“Whatever happens, happens is the best I can do.”

“If you remarried, would you play golf with your new wife?
And would you let her use my clubs?” she demanded.  
I calmly smiled and said, “Your clubs are safe.
You see, my Dear…she’s left handed.”

Hell.  It was just a joke.

Then, she whined and whined about her butt.
I responded, “Want to knock some inches off that ass?
It may sound strange, but I heard it works….
Rinse all your panties in Slim Fast.”

Hell. It was just a joke.

The next day, I readied for work, took ‘undies’ from my drawer.
They were engulfed in a fog of white, why I didn’t know.
So, I asked, “Honey! Why did you put talcum powder on my shorts?”
She slyly smiled, “That’s not talcum powder.  That’s Miracle Gro.”

Hell.  It was just a joke....I guess.

So, what is my wife’s most endearing feature?
Her sense of humor.... there’s no doubt.
Always a smile where angst or anger might have been,
A smile I never want to be without.

Details | Limerick | |

True Love

Her hair as red as a flame
Her lips were colored the same
… That Irish Lass
… So full of sass
He’s wonderin’ if she’d take his name?

Her to him: “You’ve got a crust!
With courtin’ and dowry a must …
… in wooin’ I’ll naught
… ever be caught
Afore me name I’d adjust!”

“Oh, wee lassie, please see:
‘T is you - the woman for me
… I’ve 10,000 wells
… of oil I sells
Marry me”, he said on one knee.

“Oh! My!  I see you’re sincere
My name change … it’s drawing near
… ‘bout that oil …
… can’t let it spoil!
Now … what’s my new last name, me dear?

Details | Blank verse | |

A bit of fun

A bit of fun
There is a man crying
In a AA van on the edge of town  
I think he is heading for a

Details | Quatrain | |

The Ice Cream Lesson

Vigus and I were childhood buddies
who ventured to make some ice cream
It was to be our special creation
that would be a dish most supreme

We got some sand from the sand heap
and sifted it with a fine mesh wire
to give the dish a fine consistency
so its quality would be superior

We crumbled up some dried dirt
and pounded it with a hammer
then sifted it with the wire mesh
and made chocolate talcum powder

We mixed these ingredients in a tin
using a piece of stick as a stirrer
and blended them for quite a while
until there was a uniform texture

Vigus continued the stirring 
while I added the water
until the mix was nice and firm
and chocolate brown in colour

Now who would taste it first
we both said to each other
After thinking for a while I said
I believe I have the answer

I said let's ask Greedy Mackie
who was quite a beggar
always sponging off our snacks
in a  very shameless manner

We asked Mackie to join us 
and I got a piece of candy
Vigus stirred it in the mix
in the full view of Mackie

While Vigus stirred in the candy
We raved how sweet the dish would be
Then we asked who would taste it first
saying that person would be lucky

I suppose Mackie's thoughts 
could only focus on the candy
When we asked the question
he raised his hand and cried "ME"

We gave him a spoonful of the dish
which he put it in his mouth greedily
Vigus and I watched most intensely
to see what his reaction would be

Mackie bolted for the water tap
spitting most profusely
I guess he learned a lesson that day
that he should not be so greedy

Vigus, Mackie and I were about 7 years old


Details | Light Poetry | |

Clueless Job Applicant

You’ll never guess whom the cat drug in; have a day where you just couldn’t win?
He came strutting in, smacking his gum loud, dressed to the nines Goth Punk style.
Tats trailed down his left arm, with my notice, he said, saving up for the other arm.
When ask about drugs, his answer to me was: “Yes, I’ll share” most invitingly…

Metal adornments on ears, nose, and lips, didn’t want to know, the all of it, at this.
As I noticed, he smiled most cattily, asking: ‘Want to see where else they might be?’ 
Hair a Mohawk with a trail down his back, colors of the rainbow, left nothing to lack.
Steel studs on a black leather butt, said, ‘Bite Me!’ with each and every staged strut.

What are you kidding?… Do my eyes me deceive, or did he just make a pass, at ME?
No Way! I’d rather drop kick him from my office fast, didn't he have any real class?
The application, a Sales Manager Job. Who would try to send me over the deep end?
Bet it had been a practical joke, beginning to end, so I simply held on, my friend.

He must've read my face, forhe smirked, I continued to ask for his list of experience.
His experience was none, but he said he managed his I-tune collection, very well.
Of course, he was the Leader of his ‘Chat Room’. I wondered, ‘Who could tell?’ GEE!
Also an impressive set up on his Facebook page, for his innumerable video games.

I ask how he was qualified for ANY job? Said, Dad ‘THE CEO’ wanted him employed.
I verified this with a call, was told not to be too Harsh, he had Potential, after all...
Ask what job he wanted to give his son? ‘Let him chose himself’, came the real clue!
Ask him, what job he really wanted to do, ‘VP in charge of Recreation’ was imbued.

Said he'd check out all the great places, in his Dad’s fancy Porche. Honestly True!
I kid you not! And he wanted his girlfriend, made into his secretary, Yah! No Doubt!
Believe it or not, he got all he thought he was due. All approved by the CEO’s! True!
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better… I began to really reconsider…

Really, who had been clueless… It hadn’t been him!… Which left me in a dither…
Knowing I just couldn’t win!  I’d be glad when this day was finally, truly, done… 
The kid had probably thought this a great joke on me from beginning to the end!
My perfect job, had just come undone! Apparently, being in HR isn’t always fun! 

My college degree, that took so much sacrifice, no longer sparkled, so much to me.
Boy did I now WISH, I was a CEO’s SON! As I simply got all the paper work done. 
Later, I saw the family portrait on the CEO’s desk. Lucky me! One down!… 
Only eight more to go!

Carol Eastman and Hubby

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Mirror Doesn't Lie

I looked in the mirror yesterday Where have all the years gone by? When did I get so old and dry? Where have all my dreams gone by? Where did the young girl with a smile go? When did these lines find my face? Where is the twinkle that was in my eyes? Is that something you can misplace? I was going to go to college I ended up married instead Soon after I became a mother My secret desires from the world I hid The face that stared at me was aging The skin not pretty and young When did all of this happen? I feel my life's just begun My children are now much older They don't need me as much At least not like in days gone by Maybe it's time to do something for me Maybe I'll try to fly The mirror doesn't lie to us But that doesn't mean that things can't change If we will just be willing I'll work real hard to reach my dreams I'll see things through to the end And the next time I look in the mirror Maybe...then I'll find myself a friend! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2004

Details | Limerick | |

Two Grey Hairs Of Wisdom

I have just two grey hairs in my mustache
That keep growing back,under my nose
Why there's just two
I haven't a clue
Soon to be joined by many more,I suppose

They say grey hair grows with wisdom
But with just two hairs under my nose?
No matter what I do
They keep growing through
The beginning of wisdom for me,I suppose

Two grey hairs I've plucked and cut
From my mustache under my nose
For now there's just two
Soon to be joined by quite a few
A lesson learned in wisdom for me,I suppose

Dan Kearley:2-15-13  

Details | Light Poetry | |

Walking is Good for You

I was advised that walking is healthy and good for the heart
So with new walking shoes, I figured that was a good start
I walk here, I walk there, I walk the hell everywhere
I stroll to many new places; I do say I walk with flair

I walked to the donut shop, oh what a pleasure
I walked to the pizza parlor, and tasted a slice
I walked to the local Chocolatier, and tasted many a delight
On to the liquor store, for a bottle or two
I walked up with the drunks, lined in a queue

The ice cream shop down the street, yes I walked there too
Double scoops I had, with whipped cream on top
I walked to the Burger place, their fries so so yummy
Walking home, there was the coffee shop!!!, with pastries for me tummy
Walking is wonderful, and good for the heart
But let me tell you
I am driving to the gym

Notes: Well I cant always write  dark depressing poems! This was inspired by dinner at friends, and a great conversation over a bottle of wine, and for those with a wicked twisted sense of humor there is a secret not so poetic part 2 to this!!!!! You need to request!! :)

Details | Limerick | |

A Stagnant Condition

Joel once made a New Year’s Resolution To put an end to procrastination But half way through the year He found himself waiting there Lost in his stagnant condition ~*~

Details | Light Poetry | |

Spanglish Forrest Gump

Rapido Stupido

Details | Light Poetry | |

Do Not Interrupt

There are times, doing something, you think is good, can simply back fire, on you.
And I took Dragon to watch a movie of The Grand Canyon, yes, flying thru.
Just to be safe, we sat in the back, you know, way up, in the nosebleed, high!
And it became such a thrilling ride, such scenery, constantly passing you by.

You could almost reach out to touch the views, mouth watering photographic art.
But Dragon started to tap his feet, as his hands flew up, to cover his beating heart.
I’ve never seen him, so excited, over anything, EVER, in all, of his life, so bold.
Now I began to worry, as I noticed his wings began to twitch and want to unfold.

I gently put my hand over his, as I gently tried to calm him, with words, to interrupt..
He wouldn’t turn away from the screen, as ‘Do Not Interrupt!’ Did soundly erupt.
I recognized that comment, I’d used it a time or two, on him, now on myself, recast.
Now, here came my comeuppance, I did realize, for I was getting nowhere, fast!

Next, I rubbed his back shoulder muscles gently, to soothe the twitching, that arose.
You know, the ones that allow him the power, to take off and fly, yea, you got it, those!
Now this was not going to end well, from my point of view, as he shrugged off my touch.
At least, a beautiful sunset began slowly falling, near the end of the movie, as such.

By this time, I was, totally, trying to shake him out of his mesmerizingly total trance.
All we had to do, was last a few more minutes, but now he was beginning, to prance!
He was SO impassioned that he wouldn’t let me interrupt. I began to panic, oh, so well.
For the life of me! I couldn’t see any way, to break the movies, very, rapturous spell.

All I could begin to see; was that this was not going to end so very well, gently put!
So I begged him, to not try, to do… what he wanted to do! As I stomped on his foot!
In the end, all I did was piss him off, as the soared off, so impassionedly, into the view!
Well darn! That hadn’t worked out well! I sighed! As I watched the inevitable, come to!

Naturally I was there for him, when he hit the IMAX screen. With a sudden Kersplat!
After all, what are families for, but to be there, when we do stupid things, like that!
And we all do, something, so strange and crazy… in our illustrious lives, somewhere.
Naturally we were banned from the IMAX! And the screen would need extensive repair.

A vet came for Dragon, as newspapermen with questions, did show up, Oh Drat! 
As I talked to the vet!  What did I say, to them? Ha! You guessed it! ’Don’t interrupt!’
Needless to say they weren’t happy and the 5 o’clock news was my wall. Kersplat!

Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”

Details | Limerick | |

Twin Brothers

Freddy and Teddy are exactamundo twin brothers.
They are nowhere near as funny as the Smothers.
They take their crass gross comedy act on the road.
All of those in the audience would rather be using the commode.
Most would prefer to have their throats slit if they had their druthers.

Details | Sonnet | |


His chicken vanished from the face of Earth
unhappy and distressed connected so
with sites of poetry where lost pets' dearth
transformed to versicle expression's flow.

Logorrhea of namby pamby lines
and balderdash of verbose gardyloo
bombarded him with rounds of porcupines
stampeded unctuous like rabid gnoo.

But on the other hand he met some birds
composers of refined and sightly verse,
with glinting souls and clever words,
their intellect's expressions wise and terse.

And when he searched of who to value most
received his chicken's metrical riposte.

© G.V. 09-14-2013 All rights reserved

Details | Light Poetry | |

Medieval Camelot

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Great King Arthur and Lancelot’s well-known fame.
But there was yet another knight, of great glory and great fame, never named.
His name was whispered constantly, everywhere, around those hollowed halls.
For no one wanted to be near when he passed by, on his famous unerring walks.

A knight so very gallant, that he would bow to: every fashion of maiden, high or low.
So fierce his life could not be taken, no matter how sharp the blade, they did throw.
A musical quality followed him everywhere, and his livery was absolutely divine.
He would have been the perfect knight, except for one minor, itty bitty, tiny flaw…

What was his name, you may ask, and what led to such glory and illustrious fame?
He was Sir Dragon Sparkle Farts, and yes, you can guess, what earned him that name.
You see, an evil witch, he once did fight, and yes… he absolutely won, most verily.
But before the witch became undone, she sprinkled a curse upon his own, to be.

Whenever others are about, you guessed it, yet again; he had sparkle farts, my friend.
Do not laugh; he was to all, a dearest friend. Tho the trouble caused, was rampant, in the end.
You see, in that time the villages were all made with beautifully made, thatched roofs…
He flew betwixt and between, yet, an occasional spark now airborne, did veer off, poof!

So for the most part he walked in town, though the wheat fields were often, set off.
At least the castle was made of stone, though many a tapestry did not survive, well off.
Indeed, a water bucket brigade, became put at his disposal, simply all the time, amen!
And nobody did tickle him, for fames from both ends, became quite rampant then.

Laughter did, yes, the same… But hiccups brought utter flame throwing despair, to all. 
Still he was a beloved knight, so the round table was set to keep his back, to the wall.
The knights all stuck together, thru thick and thin, and yes, even thru his sparkle farts.
But with great sadness: of why such a fierce warrior, could be forgot, I now impart.

You see, his name Sir Dragon Sparkle Farts, did not ring, minstrels romantic thoughts.
Historians, thought his references, just crude, forgettable laughable jokes, The Sots!
But know, when Camelot finally fell, and even he could not stop that inevitable tide.
He flew away, to the great blue North, they say, where with snow and ice, he abides.

Now, young and old, do not be sad… For the moral of this fable holds: 
All he did was: for his friends and the Greater Good… He cared not for Glory or Gold.

Details | Rhyme | |

Hoot Owl

Big-eyed hoot owl perched in a tree,
hunting for prey while eyeing me.
He swooped down swiftly and caught a mouse,
flew up and landed on the eave of my house.
Old hooty owl quickly ate the vile little beast,
burped once loudly, then glided off slowly due east.
Wise Mr. Owl will return late tomorrow evening,
perch up high in the same darn tree and give me a warning
by turning his swiveling head 180 degrees all of the way backwards,
giving me a wild-eyed wink and dropping on my sidewalk a couple of turds.

Details | Lyric | |

My Pickup Truck

(song lyrics)
Verse 1:
Now I can’t go fishin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my rod and reel
Can’t go snow-racin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my snowmobile
And I got flaws - that’s for sure - and sometimes run amuck
But the final straw that I can’t take: Ya’ sold my pickup truck

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 2:
I didn’t care when ya’ bought that stuff on TV’s QVC
Or ‘cause ya’ always thought of me as your private Money Tree
Or catalog-orderin’ ever’thing from within ol’ Sears Roebuck
But I’ll be danged if I’ll sit still since ya’ sold my pickup truck!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 3:
So I went and saw a gypsy gal, and a curse on you imposed
To put sand in your chewin' gum and runners in your panty hose
And all your clothes and accessories to never, ever match
And chiggers in your bed sheets - so you’ll always have to scratch!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 4:
I seen ya’ last Saturday night at Bubba’s Bar and Grill
The image of you in stripes and checks remains within me still
And them red chigger welts upon your nose and face
Tells me that the gypsy curse is workin’ ever’ place!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Details | Haiku | |

No Charm On The Farm

The third time’s a charm,
unless you live on a farm.
Cow poop stinks each time.

Details | Haiku | |

Why Does The Ape Dance

Why does the ape dance?
Because he has a hot date
with a chimpanzee. 

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragons Banana Bread

Banana Bread Yum!

Spring was in the air sooo thick that you could cut it with a knife!
As to the Laundromat I went with Dragon at my always, dutiful side.
The sun was shining with all its love, as the birdies sang their songs.
I couldn’t help, but take the machines, at those windows, a mile long!

Yep, we watched the washers wash, and the driers doing their thing away.
By the way, why are they always so hypnotic? Never mind! Any way…
I’ll solve that later, for now; we could smell baking REALLY GREAT! 
Next-door a Bakery, was wafting smells, of fresh Banana Bread, to partake.

Still cooking in the oven, Fresh, Warm, and Enticing, before us, it did call!
A HEAVENLY smell compelled us, pulling relentlessly until, we took the fall.
NO WAY, were we going, to be kept… from running thru, that heavenly door!
Dragon neigh on killed me, as he shoved me out of his way, and onto the floor!

But that can be forgiven. HE IS DRAGON, after all! So I called home, the tip.
Leaving Grandpa Troll, and every citizen of our town, lined up lickety split!
That wilily, bakery man knows us well, by now. Don’t you think, any way?
He had baked enough to float the titanic, for this our weekly, laundry Day… 

As Yum, Yum, here we come, each and every weekly, Blessed laundry day.
Dragon got the first loaf, just to get him out of the way, as Grandpa Troll…
Yep, he kept the peace until finally, everyone was entirely served, all around! 
Unfortunately, I laid my loaf aside, cause I had to move, the clothes next door.

Yep! You got it! Dragon swooped and grabbed my loaf! Darn his ornery hide.
He’d done it again! But I’m clever and had a loaf delivered to my home, laid aside.
And ‘Thank You’, Grandpa Troll, a gentleman as usual, for he had saved me some.
When all was done, and when I got home, my mouth was watering true! YUM!

But when I opened up the door… I found Dragon had beaten me here, too!
For there he sat, downing my loaf… But he HAD saved me a small piece, true. 
Thank God! Or I would have kicked his, ‘You Know What’, clear across the floor! 
Tho, if I had been one more moment later… there would have been no more!   

Grandpa Troll roared with laughter, for we know… Dragons are crafty! For Sure!
But, if you can’t beat em, Join em! Besides, I’d ordered still another spare loaf, de jure.
This one had been for Dragon to find, so he wouldn’t look for the one hidden, for me. 
You see, I’m crafty, too! And I know, a BIG Dragon needs, a loaf or two or three.

Details | Sonnet | |

Karate Chicken

The girls in vain tried his sad soul to sweeten;
(why art thou laughing at his blackened eye?)
Malign and radioactive chicken,
you never loved or watered his bonsai!

Thou spaced-out sill maiden of delusion,
and frivolous, counterfeit struthio,
thy cackling leave gave tongue to contusion,
eloped with Foghorn Leghorn unto Rio.

Beloved of his aphotic thought's wit,
deserted cot due to thine abandon,
dawns sullen, chickenless, dolour permit,
- old taken snaps of you with his Canon.

Incomprehensible, soulless chicken
His saddened eye is karate stricken.

© 03-23-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved

Details | Lyric | |

Viagra and Beer

Too much Viagra and beer.
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.

Country Bob's was the last club that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, but I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Nice pants.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."

A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She's still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.

When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.

You were fantastic last night;
So, I only think its right
If I supplement your diet 
With Viagra and beer."

Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Yes, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14

Details | Rhyme | |

A Fishing Trip

I love fishing in the deep blue sea,
but that fishing sure cost a lot to me.
First you have to gas up the car,
sometimes you have to go far.
Of course you have to stop for breakfast for two,
it cost $34.50 what can you do.
Then we need to rent a boat,
I hope this one really floats.
And then you need bait and such,
boy it really cost too much.
Finally we are out in the bay,
we fish in the sun all day.
We return home burned, broken and well done,
I guess we even had some fun.
However no fish were caught this day,
so pizza for dinner, it's OK.


Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Cow Say

What does the cow say?
“Don’t touch my teats you pervert.
I will call the cops.”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Mummy Tummy

There was this enormous Mummy
Who loved to eat foods that were Yummy
She would eat and eat lots of Jelly
Which gave her a big, big Belly
And that was the Mummy with the fattest Tummy!

Details | Rhyme | |

The Lazy Day

I wake up in the morning
My hair all in a mess
I slip on my pink slippers
Not wanting to get dressed

I pour myself some coffee
Then sit down in my chair
I think about all my todo's
Then huff, it isn't fair!

I want to lay in bed all day
Not have to lift a finger
Oh, what a joy it'd be
The ability to linger

I huff and puff and drink my joe
Then get on my lazy feet
I say "Just forget it!"
Then plop back on my seat

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Butt Say

What does the butt say?
“Do not sit on me fatso,
it makes me real sore.”

Details | Limerick | |

A Backwards Three

A Capital E is a backwards three.
At least that is the way it looks to me.
I could be mistaken.
It’s nothing earth shakin’.
It’s just an observation from little old me.

Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.

Details | Light Poetry | |

My Fairy Dragon

I was reading Dragon a book, like to children, you should always do.
Yes, it was about a fairy princess and the dust she scattered everywhere, too.
Apparently it added magic, wherever she scattered it, as along, she did go.
Dragon wanted his magic, Right Now! For the fun, he too, could also know.

So we went next door, to our neighbor witch, an authority on magic’s glow.
She said, fairies live in the forest near lots of flowers, wouldn’t you know?
In fact she said there were a lot of magical animals in her yard, here to find.
Only, they are very shy! Some how, I knew we were being set up, at this time… 

Especially, when she said, they like to hide… for she does like, her practical jokes.
Ah! Here was the witch’s price, but a practical joke on Dragon’s, not wise to evoke.
But Dragon started clumping thru all her flowers, until he started to, loudly scream.
By pixies he’d been had! As the witch was watching… all smiles and all abeam…

The pixies didn’t like Dragon for they’d once lived in our Roses. Yep, you guessed!
Dodging Dragon’s many Poo’s, with causalities rising! They’d been forced to divest.
But I had to help Dragon, so brought a garden hose to full bare! Again, you guessed!
Part of them left to attack me, instead! We were being soundly pixied, by the best!

But amid the cries of mega pain… We heard a very small authoritative voice, to say.
‘Hold your attack, pixies!  The King of Fairy commands you to stay for this day!’
Then he sprinkled us with fairy dust, just enough to take the horrible pain, go away.
Dragon was about to get even with the witch! Now, THAT would have been bad, I say!

The King of Fairy stopped that, too, with more dust. It Must Be Really, Great Stuff!
He chided Dragon’s behavior: for destroying the pixie homes, he needed to grow up!
He explained, he’d be watching to judge when Dragon had earned his magic, you see. 
As the Fairy King, he’d be the one to awaken Dragon’s great magic, for all eternity.

Wow! Fairy books had never said, anything like that before! I’d missed a lot for sure!
The King offered me his library, to help learn what I’ll need to know, of Dragon Lore.
He dusted Dragon with a touch more dust, so he could fly straight, and miss the trees.
He was getting tired of dodging Dragons near misses, with every touch of a new breeze.

After the King went away… I was left with Dragon’s fixation on that crazy dust.
He started stealing my vacuum bags… and sprinkling the stuff, like the finest artist…
Oh well! That’s my dragon… Quite obviously his 2-year-old imagination was at play!
After all, the King DID make Dragon an honorary fairy. So what can I say? Not much!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Public Nuisance Number 1

Dragon made the papers for that very unfortunate Church event, toots sweet.
Then Dragon, suddenly, decided to finger-paint billboards, all over the town.
He’d discovered painting was sooo cool, and wanted to, spread his joy around.
It wouldn’t have been bad, but the Mayor was on them, and it was election time.

He didn’t like psychedelic mustaches, as yes; he even considered them a crime.
Dragon was called to court, lickety split, as the National news came into town.
We saw the writing on the wall, before it began; Dragon was, about to be banned.
So Grandpa Troll and I put our heads together, as never before, we needed to plan.

Now the aim would be to turn a fiasco, into a miracle beyond anything, to compare.
Dragon entered, with head held high, painted, shined, and leashed, as a dragonfly.
The newspapers called, were mesmerized, this’d be great to make readership, fly! 
All the businesses were booming, with visitors coming from everywhere, to stare.

The judge and mayor glowered, with menace, as the charges were read, out loud.
When asked what we had to say for ourselves, this is what I replied to the crowd…
Church ministries have gone viral, collecting new followers, all around the world. 
Yes we are sorry, for the mischievous, and crazy lives we seem to live, and unfurl.

The town is flourishing, in spite of all we do, and we volunteer our work, each week.
The State Fair wants, Dragon, to replace plane flyovers, unaffordable to put on, here.
But, if we aren’t wanted… we’ll take bids, and then with heavy hearts, we will go.
Yes, we’ll solve the problem, by saying goodbye, and then leaving you all, alone.

There were fees to pay, as only a few towns’ people applauded, that we would go.
Alas, the Preacher, and businessmen realized, their newfound profits would go, also.
The mayors’ dislike toward us, became the towns problem, as it hit the national news.
Protestors, environmentalists, and endangered species lawsuits were now filed, anew.

Trolls, Dragons, and Mary River Turtles are rare, so the government, stepped in, too.
They declared the National Forest and our home, as a new, kind of wildlife refuge.
As we went viral on the Internet, the town applauded us, in a political, turn around.
Dragon became everybody’s friend, and got to do State Fair acrobatics, in the end.

Wow, my head is still spinning, from all this, as with results, we were over whelmed.
The moral to this story is: never give up and, yes, of course, learn to use… the Internet.

Details | Lay | |


In world of mannequins, I step to the cause. I see this woman fussing at her child about wanting to go to the park. How formed is this. Hello Lady and such a beautiful boy he is. He wants to play in the park. However, you do not have time for that. Let me see if I can solve your problem. I am Intelligence. Intelligence is a superhero that forms very delightful scenes. I am humorous as well. With superhuman powers, I provide a child with a dream. I give this one the dream of playing in the park. The child stops crying and obeys his mother. In another episode, I am sent, telepathically, an abusive scene. I transform arriving there instantly. Through superhuman powers, I find a nurse and instruct him via mind to be compassionate. Intelligence watched for several days. The facility conformed their healthcare tactics to better ways. A little girl has broken her leg. Her mother neglects and flagellates her more when she does not feel well. Intelligence has watched for a short while. The scene was sent via the mother verbally abusing her child. Then she would stop for quite some time. However, the child broke her leg while riding her bike. The mother sees the chance to abuse outright. Intelligence deploys to her mind and the mother begins to praise the child. Intelligence is a moralistic superhero. No age or race barriers does this superhero has. In the time of hostilities, I am there. I was given my superhuman abilities to achieve peace unconditionally. ----------------------------------------------------------------------| PENNED ON AUGUST 30, 2014!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Conspiracy Tabloids

Dragon found a conspiracy tabloid in the Grocery store the other day.
Now. He believed every crazy thing that rag, had to state and to say.
So I told him those things were made up to sell papers, and ‘not real news’.
And he should research every thing, before deciding, what is really true.

First, he went onto the internet, where he said, everything is absolutely true.
Where I told him anyone could write anything, that is absolutely, totally askew.
Next he went to the newspaper, where I told him it’s all politically flawed.
Even my CNN, though not all of it, at least, not the parts, I like most of all.

This slowly became: Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.
So he showed me the tabloid, and I was amazed at what I truly, did see, to be!
Yep, we were on the front page “Where the World meets Dragons and Trolls”.
That, I couldn't explain away, especially, since it, suddenly, froze my little brain. 

They had gone and given me, my dreamed upon, 5 minutes of illustrious Fame.
So I read the article carefully, then laughed, until I finally had to come up for air.
It said we had a WWII submarine in Troll Lake, manned by turtles with green hair.
It said our turtles are under cover agents, ready, to attack as terrorists, from our lair.

Suddenly, a periscope came out of the water, and then it turned directly at me! UGH!
Lord of mercy! Is all I could say? I was speechless, as Dragon looked so smug.
I believe in Dragons... but not turtles with green hair, or a little conspiracy tabloid?
He got me there! As the turtles came ashore, in perfect formation, I became annoyed.

Did the government really think we were terrorists, and up to no good? I did say!
Well, the turtles said no, and by the way, they’d bought the submarine on Ebay.
They’d seen an article on us, and it just looked like a fun place to come stay.
They're from up Australia way, and the green is algae used as camouflage, there.

About the time I think it’s weird enough, already, here… Along comes something else…
So I can only guess… What’s coming soon…so perhaps I should say?
Instead of what’s going on here, with us…What’s new with you, today?
Oh, and have a stress free day.

Details | Limerick | |

Replacement Teacher

There once was a teacher from Crete
Whose foot size was very petite.
But her students did plot
And to high school they brought,
Some shoes for oversize feet.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Poof of Smoke

In a Poof of Smoke, and a Raging Flame! We went running for our lives!
Dragon was at it, again! He had heartburn throughout the night, That’s Right!
You took the penguins to the Zoo, to visit friends, and ate everything in sight?
What on Earth DID you eat? Whatever, ‘DON’T EAT it again, ALL RIGHT?’

Anchovies? Smothered in barbecue sauce. That’s all! Are you, really sure?
What! Then seven all day lollipops, plus a case of soda pop, or two, or more?
Six Cotton candies, Dipping Dots with a few Braunswager sandwiches, besides? 
And where was Grandpa Troll? Let me guess! He was eating there at your side?

Then a pepperoni Pizza plus a few hot dogs slathered in mustard and sauerkraut? 
For Dessert SOME great big Chocolate chip cookies, those super-sized ones?
All sugar and made to fit in a pizza pan. And don’t forget his favorite thing… 
It had more barbecue sauce slathered on top, with more ready to go! OH NO!

Someone better send for the fire department… This baby is a going to blow!!!
Trolls eat ANYTHING! Not little Dragons! Shame on you, Grandpa Troll!
Start bringing in the antacids, just a case or two! And as for you… You Know!
NO MORE babysitting, Grandpa Troll! Hurry! Someone CALL the Vet! Whoa!

Bring the gas masks for everyone to wear, and turn on the exhaust, full to roll!
Clear out the steam and blue haze! Hey! Stop, where YOU ARE, Grandpa Troll!
The rest of you go! Go get the hose! Fire extinguishers won’t do the job, atoll!
Not nearly enough! This isn’t over, yet! You’ll need to burp him, Grandpa Troll!

We don’t want Dragon in pain, if he can’t get those nasty gas flames out NOW!
Flames AHOY! Look out below! They’re even coming out his backside, WOW!
Grandpas’ are made to spoil their grand kids? What! That’s not what they meant!
He’s not a TROLL, you crazy thing! You nuts? I thought you smarter, than that!

Poor little guys in misery! If the house burns down, it’ll totally, be your fault!
This is just another lesson learned for all of us, in our dear, little Dragons’ life!
The vet said to keep burping the poor, dear, thing, as sugar is a firestorm catalyst.
Says he’ll be fine by morning. Thank God! My Poor, sweet, little, thing! OH, MY!

Grandpa Troll, when this is over, it’s your turn, for time out, at the lake. Oh well! 
Someone get the marshmallows out! Let’s Sing ’Come On Baby Light My Fire’!
Or else, it’s going to be a long, long night! Here’s the fire department and the vet!
Keep burping him Grandpa Troll! I’m sure, eventually, it’ll going to be, just fine! 

Sketch a Character Contest  Carol Eastman   Posted 10-10-2014

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Ape Say

What does the ape say?
“Although I too walk upright,
I get no respect.”

Details | Free verse | |

Three Inch Cliches

The Soul is the Beautiful Light of Love
Shining like the sun through the 
As the reader, I’m going to have to cut you off there.
Here’s a metaphor for you…
Reading is ****ing.
And your words hit our auditory canals
Like a hotdog down a hallway.
As an experienced reader, I’m after 
The virgin vernacular 
The aphrodisiac aphorism
You know- the big… black words
You feel me?
Because a line is a flashlight, exposing the world’s nudity-
And we’ll never get anywhere shining it in the same spot.
So kiss me with classy couplets
Smack my assonance!
Bring me to the climax-
And we’ll share a smoke together,
Warm beside the fire of your Three Inch Clichés.

Details | Limerick | |

A Sly Teaser

At a time inconvenient it teases,
As it comes whensoever it pleases.
Creeping ever so sly,
It will make you yell, "Why?!"
And the thing that I speak of is sneezes.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Broadways Chicken Play

You all must read Sara Kendrick’s poem the “Chicken” before reading this one!!!!
Thanks Sara for giving me such a great idea!!!!!

Broadways.... "Chicken Play"

The stage was dimly lit
For the opening of this play
The crowd was clucking in anticipation
They had no idea
A love story
A drama
A play of philosophy
The writer used a feather quill
Was this not a hint?

The main actress, was a real bird she was
She strutted and strolled
The audience was captivated
Her allure was on display
Her beauty hid she was heartless hen
Out jumped the Kernel Saunders!!!!
Sword in one hand
13 secret spices in the other

Well, this birds suitors ran to her defense
To no avail at all
These buccaneers would end up in a bucket
I do not lie
It included the fries

Sadly parts where tosses to and fro
Necks and wings and breasts were sliced
It sure was not a pretty sight
A civil war this was not
The dame was slaughtered on a southern shore

Let this me a lesson to you all you gizards
While the chickens are away
It’s for sure
This silly poet will play!!

Details | Monoku | |


One more alien... an extra terrestrial. Bloody foreigners.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon, The UPS Guy

Dragon! Dragon! … He’s in the air… There’s trouble on the way.
Duck your head, and keep on running… He’s the UPS Guy, today!
Now, Federal laws may be broken, as a few packages: well… go up in smoke!
But at least he won’t be bitten, as dogs tend to run, at what he… can evoke.

If they get too testy: Remember! He brings, a bottle of barbecue sauce, Hugh!
Though, I doubt this job will last…as he decides, to hoard a package or two.
After all, curiosity killed the cat, and Dragons get… mighty… curious, too.
He’s serious: The mail MUST get thru! But, to open them, another payment’s due.

If you want your package, be prepared to trade it for a shiny bobble or two.
The Trolls have taught him rather well, and he’s clever, this Dragon… so true.
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night: can stop him on his highborn… quest.
Just know, Dragons squelch competition: He’ll be: smoking mailmen, you can bet!

Mailmen and FedEx, need look out, for getting there: will put him on the top.
He can get there faster, and better, by flying straight without, even, a single, stop.
Thank God, he‘s young, having trouble with directions, or your job, would be gone!
Yea, he’ll swish right into your yard, though it’s a shame about that shrub! Oh! Darn!

If you don’t get your package, or if it tends to go up in a puff of, burning, smoke. 
Just don’t worry, no, not at all! For you, with your camera… He will freely pose!
The fancy cape is there to remind you… That as The New, Illustrious U.P.S. Guy…
He’s the next Great Super Hero: as soon as he learns to, stop falling, from the sky.

Dragon would have made it, if the Federal Government hadn’t, come on thru!
He had to give it up, because at two years old, The Union wouldn’t sanction to: 
Give him, in the end, an itty, bitty napytime… Really!… Honest!… That was true!
But don’t worry; he’ll be ready to serve you… in just, one more year, or two! 

In Memory of Robert Scollay: A Great UPS guy and friend.  Died Dec 2013

Details | Free verse | |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
(ya hoo)

Details | Free verse | |

Driving of a busy mind on a busy road

One hand on steering The other hand steering beloved's knee, One ear on cell phone, The other ear listening to loud music, One foot on accelerator, The other on the brake. Eyes on female pedestrians, If a waving hand is seen for a lift Stop the car, pile up freely The more, the merrier Conversation with someone in the car Well I declare, welcome to India!
+++ September 8, 2014 Form: Free Verse Dr. Ram Mehta First Place Win Contest: Where I Declare by Judy Konos

Details | Narrative | |

Corny Dog Man

I am Corny Dog Man,
the fave Super Hero in all the land.
My main mission is to hand out free
cornmeal-batter covered foot long
hot dogs skewered on a stick
to every hungry girl and boy
in the whole wide blessed world.
My sidekick Honey Mustard Girl
is always right by my side
with the sweet tasty dip
for more added enjoyment
for all of my myriad of kiddie fans.
Never fear kiddos, I’ll be there to
make sure one and all will receive at
least one yummy to the tummy meal
before I fly back to Junk Food Paradise to
refill my Biggie Boy Backpack with many more
foot long corny dogs for your eating pleasure.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Bug Say

What does the bug say?
“Bug is a negative term.
I am an insect.”

Details | Couplet | |

Spun Fun

                               SPUN FUN 

I wonder about nonsense and things that are askew,
Like, if you strangled a Smurff would it's face turn Blue?
And is Rudolf's nose really as bright red as they say?
I mean, would you recognise him if you saw him in May?
Sentences we use are strange and wonderful to decide,
Why do we say stairs are indoors and steps are outside?
We're always looking for something that’s left us bereft
If you lost your left arm would your right arm be left?
I watch sports on TV the player's struggling in a ruck,
I mean, I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Why don't cemeteries explain the prices they're giving?
They just moan and blame it all on the cost of living!
Science and its wonders and the knowledge they spark.
If they are so cleaver, answer me, "what’s the speed of dark"?
But my brain starts to throb and the questions grow dim.
And the fool inside me says, good night to me and him.

Details | Senryu | |


so stoned I forgot
the periodic table
being dumb as rocks


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Stupid Cupid

Cupid shot a sharp arrow.
It penetrated my heart.
Now I’m in the hospital.
Cupid’s on the run.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Check up Time

One of my Trolls got a toothache, and I suddenly began to realize, so wise…
No one had had a checkup, since they had come to be with us, poor guys! 
Now this proposed a question…Where to go, to a Doctor, Dentist, or a Vet?
Yes, for Dragon, definitely a vet! But who’d be crazy enough, to be so beset?

For the Trolls, that didn’t seem quite right, so we continued to look, farther yet.
But even Grandpa Troll, who is so old and wise, didn’t know, whom we should get.
We looked on the worldwide web, where a Doctor said; we could come, right away!
His name was Dr. Frankenstein, ‘Sorry, we can’t make it, exactly, now, ah… today!’

Transylvania is too far to go, we said, as we slowly, and quietly slipped, off line!
We finally went to our neighbor witch, yes, again! Just to see, whom she’d assign.
She said it’d have to be from the magic folk, we were going about this, all wrong.
She found an earth mother witch, dealing in fairy folk and such, where we belong.

Yes, she was a well-known Doctor, but also a powerful practicing witch.
Apparently, she had found her niche, and we had found our Doctor witch!
So we called her up right away, and she promised to see us all, at once.
I said they were my dependants, you see, but money was not, in abundance.

She just waved her hand gently, and my insurance suddenly had, a paying clause.
She used bunnies to keep the Trolls, happy and rather mesmerized, for the cause.
And Dragon got a rolling chair, to keep him busy sliding, across the floor, zoom!
With each check up, came the same routine, as they came into the exam room.

As they looked around, she froze them with her wand, no muss, no fuss, for sure!
None of them remembered a single thing, as she had such, a gentle Touch, I assure!
The tooth was fixed with the snap of her fingers, this was truly amazing stuff…
She said we were doing great, for a brood like this, can be full of, painful mischief.

In fact, I was the first, human she’d known, who could deal with a young Dragon. 
And still be alive to tell… I told her it was technology, a fire retardant suit, and fun.
That made her laugh hysterically, as she then smiled, and she patted me on the back.
It made me begin to wonder… Is there some thing I don’t know about… yet?

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Elf Say

What does the elf say?
“Santa Claus is a great boss.
He hired Mini Me.”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Gutter Frogs

The neighborhood has been going, to every variety of dogs.
But I simply can’t believe it… We now have Gutter Frogs!
They climb upon my windowsills, and also among the trees.
They climb up my patio screen, is there nothing, they don’t see!

Nightly nestling in my window gutter, where they have safely gone.
My hubby says that he can’t sleep, with so much racket going on!
Shiny, and oh so sleek, unlike any other toad, are these little blokes.
Perhaps I have been hasty. Their voices are only a cricket, not a croak.

Unlike my Hubby’s snores, they are way more soothing, yes, by far!
Perhaps there is no reason, for us, that we must now, declare a war.
But no! I must revise, as the gutters surely do need, to be cleaned.
So up the ladder Hubby did climb, as he now, had a full head of steam.

But, yes, life is never simple, and that seems to be… our very own lot.
They had watched our environmentalist son, as he studies and he plots.
‘Save the Gutter frogs!’ Became their banner song, which truly did evolve!
Alas! What’s worse! They are asking, an environmental study, to be done! 

They quoted conservationists, and several even chained themselves to our home.
I’ve heard of save the Whales and trees, but now will it be… the gutter frogs?
This is their habitat! What will be next… a nest of new age lawyer gutter frogs?
Evolution has come quite far, as they mentioned a protest, to visit city hall!

We finally did concede! We could share this house and land, which we do own.
As Hubby descended the ladder… Yes! He was covered in jubilant gutter frogs.
Then to make things right, we made for each, an adorable wattle and stick home.
Attaching them along the top, of the gutters, that they could now, play upon.

The gutter frogs agreed to keep the gutters clean, and in return, we will let them be. 
The moral is: No matter who is right! We can live together, if we only try, you see!

Details | Light Poetry | |


Please hire my Hubby! I’m begging you! PLEASE!!!!
He’s now obsessing over his resume’… I’m down on my knees!
Each minute he has… it gets longer! Surely! You DO SEE!
A thousand pages is a bit too much into the details for me…
When HR sees it they’ll be leading the lemmings down the trail!
He calls it detail orientated… In a STRAIGHT face prevailed…
Poor Hubby! My Hubby! What will be his FATE?
Wondrous! AMAZING! He thinks its sooo Great!
But it’s way to long… to seriously contemplate!
Once when handed to HR… It slipped thru their hands… too late!
Didn’t finish the interview… With HR’s broken foot to mend!
When HR hear he’s applying again they close their Doors! Amen!
The newbie is always the one… left to tackle him… in the end!
They once threw his resume’ into the trash, after he walked out the door…
The can fell into pieces… clear across the blooming floor!
To stave off more resumes’ they are now readily equipped!
They ask for an email update… Then hit Delete!
They’ve learned to leave his BOOK on the front desk… for him to see!
Saying they are interested, no less! But… it’s stamped in red ink “OMG”!
As he returns every day, they tell him OMG is for Obviously Mightily Great!
Now! Now! Do you really believe that? Quick HIRE him! I reiterate!
OMG stands for nothing less than… OH! My! God! To you and to me…
Helping with My Son’s School Science Project is WAY too much, to see!
He’s asking how to get technology to rhyme with Lollypop. Over the bend, some?
A newbie asked what he does for fun! DUH! Surely, he can’t be THAT DUMB!
The wife of a genius must never despair, as his ideas expand everywhere… 
He’s funny!… Gee!… I need some more ink! Honestly! I’m running out of ink!
When he heard me say this… All he could do was blink!
COME ON, FOLKS! Give him a job! My laughter is getting EXTREME!
LOL… It won’t be long before I’m popping my clothes at their seams!

Details | Haiku | |

The Internet

Oh the internet
A battle ground for morons
Will we ever learn?

Details | Light Poetry | |

Around the Corner

There’s a mob around the corner… and it looks like they are coming here.
Yep! Dragon must be in trouble, tho I can’t imagine what, where, or when.
Must be rather serious, for pitchforks are definitely, coming around the bend. 
Dragon! Dragon! Dragon! Oh! Whoa is me! Yep! Here we all… go again!

I surely, should be more careful, as Dragon escaped me early this very morn.
So I went out to meet them folks, and find out, what had gone, so very wrong?
What? Dragon accidentally hit an outhouse? And it rolled WAY down a hill? 
There was someone within? He was the Sheriff of CrazyLand? No! Not HIM!

It seems we never win! But there’s more? Dragon finished his crash landing…
By Knocking down the town Water Tower, that serves all, both, near and far?
Then, on the way back home, he told the Sheriff he smells, and to get a bath! 
I guess it’s WAY too late, to go home, to bed, and then to cover up my head?

OH MY! Well! Then!  I’ll tell the Trolls to fix the Water Tower before it dark!
And YOU, our lovely Sheriff, can use our shower, since we have our own well.
And as for cooking food this day… Bring it here… for Grandpa Troll to make.
A block party would be perfect after all… Now, Really… Don’t you think?

So every thing turned out all OK… with so many nimble hands always about!
But Dragon had to repent… You see… And stay firmly there, beside my knee…
And yes… We even fixed that old out house! But, still… I’m grateful to say…
It all can stay around the corner… just like yesterday… and, soon… today!

Written 10-11-2014   Contest: 'One of Your Best'

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Dick Say

What does the dick say?
“Not the hand you stupid fool.
I need a woman.”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Pig Say

What does the pig say?
“I am a little bit plump,
I am not chubby.”

Details | Light Poetry | |

I Had To Write This Poem

I had to write this poem 
because I thought of this one great line,
What do you think -
will it stand the test of time?

Well, I had to write it down
to deter other poets stealing this idea;
You know lines are clutched from the atmosphere,
Or they fall like apples, spill over like beer.

I had to write this poem,
Because I thought of this one great line;
Like a beat messiah,
My acid milk turns to wine.

And now I feel fine, and your pleasure
in my one sparkling line.
I had to write this poem,
Hidden in this gem of a line.

Details | Limerick | |


there was once a woman of france
who could put any man in a trance
she'd spin them and twirl them
fill their whiskey to the brim
well drunk they'd fall like a blob
then awake to find they were rob

Details | Rhyme | |

A Can of Peaches

She was a kleptomaniac,
His wife of thirty years.
The risks she took for stuff of little value
Had all but driven him to tears.

She had such low regard for the risk;
Always said, “If I’m caught, I’ll pay.”
“But what if they’re not satisfied?” he’d ask.
She just smiled and said, “That’ll be the day.”

When first they met, he thought her just young and wild;
And, after all, it really did no one any harm.
It was fun to watch her be so sneaky,
Kind of a sexy part of her appealing charm.

The stuff she stole was so petty,
But she seemed to have such fun.
After all, it wasn’t for the stuff she stole,
But for the thrill of what she’d done.

As time had passed, he had finally realized
It was a sickness, not just a game to play.
She’d steal something almost everywhere she went,
And she went somewhere almost every day.

So, it had gotten old and tiresome, completely out of hand.
His pleas of “Get some help.” she would ignore;
Tho’ she might have thought better of it
If she had known what was in store.

While grocery shopping, she tried to steal a can of peaches.
They caught her, called the cops, sent her off to jail.
She called her embarrassed and disgusted husband, 
Who resentfully made arrangements for her bail.

When her court date came, he went along;
And when her case came up, he was by her side.
As the judge reviewed her charges, it seemed to him
That the judge’s patience was being sorely tried.

“Madam" the judge said angrily, "…a single can of peaches?
It’s obvious you have no desperate financial need.
You are wasting my court’s time with such farce.
So, do you plead?"

She feigned regret. She bowed her head.
Surely such a ploy might change his attitude.
“Guilty, your Honor.  I am so sorry.”
He growled, “Save your platitudes.”

Then he asked, “How many peaches were in the can?”
“Your Honor, I believe that there were ten."
“Madam, I intend to teach you a lesson this day.
You’ll think twice before you steal again.

You’ll serve three days in county jail for each peach in that can.”
Her husband saw his chance.  He said, “Your Honor, if you please,
Before you pass her final sentence, you should know….
She also stole a can of peas!"

Details | Light Poetry | |

All I want for Xmas is a poetry membership

All I want for Christmas
Is my two front teeth
All my back teeth
A Mercedes or Bentley
A life time membership to Hugh Hefner's mansion
The rights to the song "If I had a million dollars"
Cause then I would have 5 million dollars

A new pair of socks
A house full of books
With a sexy librarian too boot
Or in some nice boots
If its not too too much trouble
Santa list of naughty girls
Some Newfoundland screech
A clock that can turn back time
I train set 1000 times bigger than Arthur s
And his butler

Again. If its not too much trouble
A few hundred genies in bottles
A few Rembrandt's and various other famous paintings
The country of Iceland, if the price is right
Oh and all the episodes of "The Rockford files" and "Colombo"
My childhood back

Oh and a private plane
I do not really want one but it would seem plain silly
If I don’t ask, n'est pas?
I almost almost forgot, a harem or even a few
Just for images sake
For I want only one princess

Of course, I would gladly give this all away
If when I see a child suffer or sad
I could paint happiness inside in their little souls
If only
I could paint happiness inside of us all

Of course we can start with the poetry membership!

Details | Rhyme | |

X Marks The Spot

Once a year, it's the season, I fear
That lures us three, to the loch
Were we rent a boat, in earnest we hope
To catch all the fish, that they stock

McGee, he was rowing, I told him, "Start Slowing"
For here, looks like a good spot
The anchor cast in, by our big strong friend, Finn
I'm just glad he remembered the knot 

It didn't take long, we were hit by a throng
Seemed like, every dam fish in the lake
We all wore a grin, while we pulled them all in
'Cause we didn't have time to use bait

When the Day was done, so was our fun
As our boat was filled to the brim
I fumbled about, and pull up some stout
As the Sun was now getting dim

As we sat their all drinking, Finn started thinking
I wish we could find our way here
Or mark this grand hole, so we would all know
The place we should fish, come next year

That's when McGee, said "I know the key"
Then produced a piece of white chalk
"I'll mark on the bow, the place we are now
So next year we'll know we ought !

Finn then gave in, as he said with a grin
'It's your Genius, McGee that I fear
But how do you know, as rentals will go
We'll be getting the same boat next year" 

Details | Rhyme | |


Flailin’,  flailin’, flailin’;
There goes my ball sailin’
Into a trap, the water or the woods.

Flailin’, flailin’, flailin’;
You can hear me wailin’,
“Why won’t that damn ball go where it should?

Drives go right.  Putts go wrong.
I shank my wedges or ‘skull’em’ long.
My golf game’s just no damn good.

I’m swingin’ too hard & lookin’ up;
As if I’ll actually see it go in the cup….
As if it ever really would.

My alignment’s too far left or right.
My ball can find the only tree or trap in sight,
Even if the shot starts out lookin’ good.

These days, I carry some special tools:
A handheld weed eater with extra spools
And a pruning saw, in case I’m in the woods.  

I’ve even tried to ‘buy’ a better game.
No matter.  My scores were just as lame.
Those new clubs didn’t do what they should.

Bogies & doubles...even triples... are common scores.
I very rarely get pars any more.
Believe me, I’d change it if I could.

My buddies said it must be me,
A teaching pro I should go see.
They said he’d fix my game…..if anybody could.

The pro said, “Hit some balls while I watch you.
Just set up and hit’em like you normally do.
We’ll see if I can do your game any good.”

After the first bucket of balls I hit,
He calmly said, “Take two weeks off…then quit.
Take my advice.  You really should.”

Now, what really has me vexed,
I’m wondering what I’ll try next.
That pro’s advice was no damn good.

So, I struggle along with my flailin’ game;
But, strangely enough, have fun just the same,
Finding hope in rare shots that are actually good.

Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?

Details | Light Poetry | |

Piddle Eee Dee

Piddle Eee Dee

Dribble, Dribble, breakage, and Piddle
                   A pox on that little dog!
Ankle biter, obnoxious barker…
                   Wish he’d just shut up!

Chased him around all day long
                   But he still got my sofa again!
I wonder if my Dear Old Mother-in-Law
                   Could survive just one day without him!
Perhaps I should now get out the broom
                   A week of destroying stuff, is just too much!
So I used the broom to scoot him out the door.
                   Then he proceeded to dig my flowers up!

From under the fence he made an escape
                    I chased him for an hour and a half!
Then my Mother-in-Law came back home
                    And picked her precious up!!!!
Such love and warmth I've never seen… Darn… 
                    Wouldn't that be my luck! So I’m back to…

Dribble, Dribble, breakage, and Piddle
                   A pox on that little dog!
Ankle biter, obnoxious barker…
                   Wish he’d just shut up!

Details | Lyric | |

A Pub-ng We Go

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

We’ll leave the frats, in the dust, and bring The Bun, merrily, along.
He had a great run, at Easter time, now he can let, the good times roll.
Who knows best, than a nest of Trolls, how to have, a really great time!
A Biker Bar should fill our sails, as we go, courting the best… of it all.

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!

The beers great, the girls’ first rate, I’ll ride a full-blown Harley Hog.
To ride them down, across the town, my hair, flowing behind, in the air.
But first we’ll make a new drinking song, betting on, who’s best, by far.
Biker Dudes, Trolls enthused, raise their mugs in unity, again, once more!

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

It’s all fun, as with pool cues in hand, we try to, learn to play Eight Ball.
We’ll dance on the floor, and some on the bar, as rowdier we become.
But we’re the best, with glass in fist, as we sing our new… drinking song.
So don’t be glum! Here, come along, to laughter amid, such joyful fun.
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

We’ll have fun, then move along, as our song wins, and the tab is yours.
You can join, as comes, the next bar, and we’ll, start all over, once more!
It’s party time, until dawn, for Trolls can hold, great quantities of rum.
As drinking games come, we win every time, as the losers pay the bill.

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those, Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!

(A drinking song for the pure fun it: sung like a pirate song clinking mugs.)

Details | Limerick | |


“Be this lipstick on your collar, McNeer?”,
The question inside him struck fear
  - But, a lie he’d not tell
  - “ ‘T was ye sister, Belle …”
Funerals' tomorrow I hear.

Details | Haiku | |

Midnight Light

I like the midnight.
I’m not afraid of the dark.
I have a flashlight.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Granny Tipping

My son is getting older, and he just went back to College, the other day.
But he had enjoyed the summer, by adding a new game to his daily play.
He called it Troll Tipping as daily he targeted another, and wore him out.
By dinner, the Troll would fall asleep, as my son claimed his dessert, so devout.

But wearing out a Troll, is not such an easy thing, so many a night, a Troll got his.
What a shame! But as a resourceful college man, at devising plans he was a whiz.
He offered them a Fun Filled Tip, yes, a way to get others, to do their daily chores.
The cost to each individual Troll, was their sweet dessert, that night, nothing more.

He was doing great, as he ran thru many a Troll, but then our suspicions did unfold.
You see, this bred unrest, as a number of fights started, amongst our beloved Trolls.
Scheming isn’t sharing, so Grandpa Troll had a TALK, life changing, or so it’s told.
But Boys are boys, and desserts were to be had, so he made a new plan, quite bold.

You might say he invented Granny Tipping, yes, now it was MY dessert, on the line.
Now this would be quite simple, for at my age, I can easily, become tiredly inclined.
But the one thing he’d forgot: is how crafty age had made this old one, in her efforts. 
As dinner wound down, I cued Grandpa Troll, to help deliver, those delicious desserts.

I told my son, that they were made to be his favorite, simply in honor, of his behalf.
Then I pretended to fall asleep, and he quickly took my dessert, with a joyous laugh.
Then suddenly his eyes grew big! And I awoke, looking him quite clearly, in the eye.
I lied that, I added laxatives and terrible cod liver oil, to my dessert nightly, yes, so sly. 

Making them easier to swallow, but if he wanted more dessert, he only had to ASK.
He quickly sped away, to wash that terrible taste, out of his mouth, a daunting task!
And we all had our chance to laugh at him… as the joke was finally on him, at last.
I call this, Bad Behavior Tipping, and from that day to this, he asks for more, at last!

The game seemed to lose its luster that day, yes, manners did a BIG, comeback.
The moral is to politely ask… Playing clever little games… is NEVER for the best!

Details | Free verse | |

Why do we have to grow up Huh

When I was just a baby
Many years ago
I was so agile I could even suck my toe
Now I have trouble lifting up a cup
Oh how I hate growing up!.

When you'r a child everyone smiles at you
And say's ''awe, aren't you cute''
Bur now your an adult
Your as cute and popular
As an old worn out boot.

When your a kid
and lose a tooth
You put it under your pillow
And in the morning you find a quid
But now  it's something you cannot do
Because you have to put your teeth into chew.

I suppose being an adult has it's advantages
You don't get ring worm nits and puppy fat 
But why did I have to grow up
It wasn't in my plan
It just happened
And now I'm a man

Petwr Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Beauty Of Women

Women are a thing of beauty Created by God for man From their different hips,to their lushes lips Or the gentle touch of their hand They all have a way about them That I've noticed throughout the years They have tender hearts,and precious smiles With beautiful eyes that sparkle,when filled with tears But they constantly look at other women Though none will tell you that it's true From their styles of hair,to the clothes they ware It's a hidden secret that they all do Some will say that I'm wrong As they claim,"Hey that's not me" But I'm a man who has watched for many years And am now exposing the secret that I've seen Some of them are concerned about their weight Or possibly the droopiness of their breasts Or the stretch marks that may have appeared some where Along with menopause,PMS,and all the rest All I can say is we are men Who don't really notice most of those things You are all beautiful in your own special ways And you will always be a part of our dreams
DannyBoy:1-16-13 © Ha,ha.. :oP

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

God Help Ye Weary Gentleman, Let Nothing You Dismay

A Partridge perched upon a tree
entices him to throw something!
When songbirds sing and flap their wings  
two turtle doves, cause headache pain.
Those mocking words, thread-worn with wear.
 remind him of the dollars spent.
Defeat caves in, ... the thought of debt!

He bends his head to shield his face,
and steps upon the curb, to brace
against the mob, against the throng,
against long lines in shopping malls 

He watches herds with purses out,
who attack the narrow aisles and park.
Chagrins at purpose, poised, embarked
They're mad! They charge like Joans of Arc!

No one pays him time of day
He feels the sting of frostbit cheer
and leans beneath the canopy
The sales are lit, with half-price tease 
and gaggled geese attack with glee!

Pure instinct guides, their goal is keen
Gifts supreme, they seek and find!
He wonders, as they claim their prize,
if what they buy, and dollars leaked
will gratify their kin, divined?

With weighty burdens in their hands
and dollars spent from sun to sun,
he waits until his wife is done.
This madness took her far away
within the glass enclosed array
of Jingle Bells and money spilled,
of trinkets, socks and Visa bills

His feet are sore, a wrinkled coat, 
unruly hair,...  it glistens now,
With cheeks of red, he steels his breath.
Forefathers did, before their death!

Entrenched in snow beneath his feet,
his stomach growls,  he begs to quit
He watches from the window glass.
A check-out line!!            She's close!!!    ......   At last!!
She's almost done, her purchase won!!

She grins as if she's fetched the best!
The smile she wears, he catches fast 
And makes it worth the weary quest!                               

Details | Limerick | |

A Gallon

“Gas: below three bucks a gallon!”
The media’s gleefully howlin’
-	But let’s not forget
-	They’re screwin’ us yet
If it’s over a buck, they’re a felon!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Double Jointed

Betsey is double jointed.
Many men find that fact
very sexually stimulating.
I don’t understand their fascination.
The fact that Betsey can bend over backwards
and kiss her own butt makes me cringe.
Although I must admit that Betsey
has a very shapely keister.

Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Fly

(To be read after my 'Fire and Brimstone'.)

Dragon Fly, Dragon  Fly, fly away home. You’ve caused enough trouble here, I am told.
All you wanted was to ring the church bell, but the belfry your body did not take well.
Terrible things happened all around, and the belfry you left is certainly not sound.
Old Lady Moore still has her cane, to protect them again, if you cause harm, within.
Old Lady Swanson’s lost hat is her major complaint, apologize profusely, be a saint!
The Church belfry will need lots of work; by the carpenter Trolls to fix it’s bridgework.
The people all need to calm down, they were scared and now the church is shutdown.
Looks like they’ll need a new fancy annex to be built for weddings and such… 
To help them  forgive… even… ever… slightly… enough. Though, of course…
The preacher himself…wants you back, for sure; I am definitely, and totally assured.
He’s never been inspired to such lofty greatness to soar, never, not even, once before.
He says you hold his key, to reach the lost, as they tune in to see what’s coming next.
He wants to add even, the Trolls to the mix. If they can be saved, well, you get the gist.
And you’ll have to attend church for quite a while, yes, still, as an itsy bitsy Dragonfly.
You’ll need to get forgiveness from all, you know, before you grow big, again, I am told.
The witch is quite clear on this spell, a dragonfly you’ll stay till everything’s made well.
Seems, you also, owe them an apology, for half scaring them… well… nearly to death.
Bumps, bruises, and a broken arm need to heal, from jumping over the pews, they feel.
Plus some of the teenagers, have made tee shirts of you, and want your autograph, too.
You see, your limited edition, when signed, will pay their way to bible camp, this time.
And the girl with the cast on her arm, wants a picture of you on a leash, so be charming!
You see, you scared her, a really whole lot, if she can pet you, her fear will be forgot.
It seems, you really messed up, this time, you see… but all will be forgiven, eventually.
So Dragon Fly, Dragon Fly, fly away home. They understood, once your story was told.
If you agree to all I have said: They’ll give you a bell outside, to ring before church…
Each and every Sunday Morn, with a special alcove, made for only you, to perch...

Remember, if God can love a mischievous little Dragonfly... And he can love you, too.
So until next church time... Bye Bye...

Details | Limerick | |

Weekend Away

A young gentlemen named Grant Cragnell
Sought debauchery in Newport Pagnell
He got terribly drunk
Before sharing his bunk
With a midget and a brown cocker spaniel

Details | Light Poetry | |

Zombies and a Sleepless Night

I was in bed the other night, sound asleep, when I was suddenly, awoken up.
Lo and Behold, there within my bed, I was covered by frogs, which had hiccups.
Now I wish this were a dream you know, as my eyes grew to, beyond saucer size.
I love my little forest friends, but these are the Weird FROGS, for crying out loud!

With a fear of moving, I gently ask, why they did partake, to join us in our bed.
All I got was closer snuggles, plus more hiccups, as they tried to hop, upon my head.
Enough’s enough, I did decide, as I gently pushed them over to my Hubby’s side.
I got up, turned on the light, and settled them down, as to my hubby, they did confide.

They said, monsters had chased them all around, until safety, they were bound.
Real monsters are here, and there, and everywhere, there’s Zombies all around!
Now, the Penguins and Dragon had been allowed a sleep over, just this very night.
I had allowed them all a TV with PG rated movies, which would certainly, be all right.

But Dragon wanted better one’s, so he stole into my older son’s collection, in his room.
In Dragon’s Lair, a party had gone on, with Zombie movies scattered, to his doom.
Before us, all the penguins had Zombie get up on, as they laughed at what they’d done.
But our weird frogs had been scared half to death, this had not been a good type of fun.

Bullies have no place in my house, so I addressed this, in a determined and clear tone.
They had to apologize to our weird frogs, before they took them all the way, back home.
It seems, the Weird frogs had called the penguins Barbarians, while we were at the Zoo.
But one thoughtless act, does not allow a second one, getting even is not the way to do.

So both had to suck in their hurt, and finally admit to their own terrible mistakes. 
That’s when the party really began, as new and lasting friendships were finally made.
For a week they played together on the shore, of our beautiful lake, in lots of fun games.
And the only Zombies on the Loose, to be found, were playful silly costume things.

Written on a nightmarish, mostly sleepless night  7-2-2013

Details | Clerihew | |


It’s a sad way to remember “Old Elvis,”
a man who did more than most with his pelvis.
Must have moved it to a feverous Las Vegas pitch,
trying to move his last fried PB and banana samitch!

The “KING” died on the throne!

Details | Limerick | |



There once was a woman named Camilla, She wanted a castle but not a villa, So she got a prince, But he started to wince, When she started to look more like Godzilla.
Poetry contest: monsters and Marvels Date: 10.08.14 Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi

Details | Free verse | |

My True Beauty

Eyes brown
Knowing intelligent
Brunette hair
Following behind 
As you run
Gentle loving
Enjoying others

Legs and hips
Most beautiful 
I've seen
Could sculpt

You turn around
Well shaped rear
Tail swishing 

To flick
Away the

Details | Limerick | |

IQ of a Grape

From prison he tried to escape
But, had the IQ of a grape
… His rocket (mis-wired)
… Quickly backfired
Now he’s all over the landscape

Details | Limerick | |

Victoria's Secret

With terrain and angles galore
Nature has objects to adore
But what is this glitch?
A non-working bra hitch
Hides the peaks we want to explore

Details | Light Poetry | |


It’s kinda silly, kinda sad
watching a recently
re-elected politician
trying to kiss
his own ass.

Details | Haiku | |

Gross Joke

Bugger nose

Finger goes

Roll roll roll

Poem written as a Ellip ( form of Haiku) for Ellip Contest.

Details | Haiku | |

Aliens at Your Bedroom Window

Don’t worry now child
There's no god, so worship space
You are not alone.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Santa

There’s a little known fact about the North Pole.
Now Santa’s a Dragon, you really should know.
Now think about this and it will become clear.
Santa, like Dragons, is so very magical my dear.

In the very least, Santa has to be… at least partly so.
He’s just a SNOW Dragon, now wouldn’t you know?
He only comes south… in the deepest of wintertime.
And he brings along the snow for good girls and boys.

Now, I wouldn’t lie! I know… that honestly, it’s true!
I call him the Solstice Santa; for he brings winter, its true!
Think! Who brings those sleds when you’re snug in bed?
It’s the Dragon reindeer… Who can fly, high thru the air!

Now, think my dear friend… and you will know that it’s so.
Who loves havoc more, than a mischievous Dragon’s soul?
How come there’s always snow, as they land on your roof?
Because Snow Dragons can breath snow… Lickety Split!

And Dragons love fun… so here come all those Great toys.
Yep, they, too, were made by mischievous, DRAGON guys!
And just where, do you think, my Dragon egg came from?
Grandpa Troll came south, with it, yep, from the North Pole!

When Dragon is grown… Where do you think he wants to go?
Naturally, first North, to visit Dragon Santa, at the North pole.
Gee, the world is spinning, and Grandpa Troll is laughing, too!
No! Say it isn’t true! Grandpa Troll? Did you spike the eggnog?

Again this year? Well, it WAS a beautiful dream… That’s true!
And Merry Christmas, out there, to all you wonderful, You’s!!

Written 12-8-2014 by Carol Eastman It's Iambic something...
Don't know iambic what... Can you guys help me here? What would 
you call it?

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Flying Saucer Abduction

It was a dark and moonless night. The lights were out. The TV low.
My hubby and I were relaxed, cuddled close, as the TV set the room aglow.
The telly had a “Flying Saucer Abduction”, with popcorn, we watched the scene unfold.  
Suddenly the dogs perked up, began to bark, then ran in circles to and fro.  
Confusion, and worries abounded, as we quieted them with a gentle no. 
Then checking the door, we listened to see what would make them act just so.
Slowly, from out of nowhere, we heard a hum, building louder and wildly free. 
A fluid vibration was moving around us and through the house, gaining on its spree.
Then as it began to travel thru both of us, a growing Fear came to be…
As it gripped us in the palm of its hand, I feared, surely… it was beckoning me!
We began to wonder what it could be: a transformer, the furnace, or an alien? Could be… 
What on earth could be so strong, to cause the humming to hang in the air so free? 
It seemed to be controlled by a mysterious hand, and this we were going to see.
Fear ran free, and we made the decree… to find it quickly… or quickly flee.
Was the furnace ready to explode? From the basement and hubby came the word, no!
We both ran outside in force. But the humming disappeared out there, of course. So…
We ran from the dark outside, to hear it again, clearly, where we abide within, it built.
Into the kitchen I quickly ran… But everything was quiet and still… again!
I ran the stairs toward to where my kids did abide, with my heart worried and chilled.
I determined to follow the hum to its end and save my children, that… I would fulfill.
What would we find? We didn’t know, or really want to know, ere our fear could unfold.
The kids were up stairs oblivious to this, as we ran from room to room, nothing to behold.
In my son’s room at the end of the hall, the noise became unbearably loud, as it flowed.
We searched every corner not sure what we’d find, electrical, mechanical, ready to blow? 
His game and earplugs kept him oblivious and out of the know… 
So we figured he wasn’t the culprit…for once purer than the driven snow.
The humming was growing louder with time… it seemed the roof was the end of the line.
But now our imaginations were in full bloom… A transformer, or alien? We were running out of time!
But somehow that didn’t seem right… we did know… so perhaps soon a fire to fight?
We were now determined… to evacuate everyone to safety, into the night…
Suddenly, we found the Nemesis laying in wait. It was in the bathroom singing to us.
And no, truly I’m not making this up. The bathroom was making us run amuck.
Dripping water was vibrating the pipes. The sound was traveling a resonance throughout the house. Yes… by plumbing… we’d been struck!
My hubby adjusted the float in the toilet you see…. And miraculously the noise simply ceased to be…
Finally we sat down with a sigh, looked at each other, and laughed, as we finished that show…
But what a night that had been! Never had a movie ever entertained us or moved us so…
Especially to such a foolish extreme!  Yes, and to this I have to say… 
Never before had a toilet… so thoroughly…Yanked our chain! … Happy Halloween!

By Mike and Carol Eastman… A real happening…

Details | Light Poetry | |


Kermit went into space one day aboard that illustrious rocket X.
Miss Piggy wasn’t far behind, so as to be there with her man.
Those W.I.E.R.D. frogs of mine, came along, hitching, for the ride.
Can you imagine what any aliens would think, finding them inside?

Of course, they were heading straight to Mars, for first contact with that face.
Then off, to sightsee near the North Pole, to check out that great worm place.
They expect to hitch a ride from there, from the aliens… to view Saturn’s rings. 
Then off for a jaunt to Alpha Centauri to find that lost family of Robinson’s. 

If only our great government could’ve got their act together… Perhaps…
They could’ve done the exact same thing. But Nooo, they’re impossibly set.
And of course, Miss Piggy can take the blame if public relations… become upset.
We really don’t want the first people aliens see, to be our crazy Congress, yet.

The W.I.E.R.D frogs can be most entertaining, as they croon out modern songs.
Singing in acappella, with break dancing will add a great touch, as they go along.
I’m sure, old Kermit can curtail Miss Piggy, so the aliens get a word in edgewise.
And with his endearing personality, I’m sure they’ll become great alien… allies.

Details | Limerick | |

Revolving Resolution

Written by Gail DeBole

Zelma Zotz's new year's contribution
Is to think of a definite solution
   To avoid making a plan
   (which she really can't stand)
For yet another new year's resolution!

Gail's Note:  You can find some historical information about the history of the new year's resolution at

Details | Ballad | |


 Here I sit
 Watching time go by.
 I'm all alone,
 But high.

 I think I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 Everything seems to be spinning.
 I see two frogs playing poker.
 And neither one's winning.

 I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 The phone rang,
 I answered my shoe.
 I couldn't remember
 What to do.

 I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 I heard the doorbell,
 And wondered if he or she
 Would be able to tell.

 That I'm "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 So, I didn't answer the door
 And decided to get stoned some more.
 So I lit another joint,
 And to get right to the point.

 I was "Trippin' Out", without a doubt.

 My eyelids sank,.
 And my mind grew blank
 As the world moved farther away.
 I woke up the next day
 With these words to say,

 I was "Trippin' Out", without a doubt. 

(per contest rules - Influence was Marijuana)

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Storm is a Brewing

Dragon and the Sheriff of CrazyLand are in competition, Whoa to all!
I think what they’ve developed, must be a macho, low key, kinda brawl.
Fighting became their way, long before The Wizard of Oz came to the Park.
And they BOTH wanted to be the Wizard, I expected nothing less, of course.

The sheriff’s brother was the director, so… you know WHO, became the Wiz.
But our darling Dragon got to wear that gorgeous, flying monkey suit. Amen!
And where do you think those flame’s for the Wiz come from, I pray, to say...
Yep, Dragon’s become very importantly ensconced… deep within this play.

He looks so great in his monkey suit as he sails into those illustrious scenes.
His penguins happily follow him in, hanging and bouncing from their strings.
Now, if only Dragons tail would stop waging and bouncing at those strings!
But they don’t care, cause they get to fly… a most coveted penguin thing!

The Wiz on the other hand, seems to have finally learned, of fireproof pants.
His drapes catch fire, nightly, but of course, he didn't need them, very much.
Gee, it’s peculiar, how his Wizard robes, keep getting shorter, with the sparks. 
And the Wiz gets hit nightly, with an extinguisher, to the paparazzi’s delight!

And who do you think does the special effects to drop that famous house?
The Wiz suggested Dragon under study, for the wicked Witch, isn't he nice?
But the best part is when Dragon gets to lift the wiz in that famous balloon!
The Wiz never seems to get back for the final bows, unless he’s drenched, too.

Dragon says he puts the balloon into the lake, to give the Wiz, a soft landing.
So Grandpa Troll, made an escape hatch on the basket’s bottom siding.
Next time, when Dragon drops the basket, and the Wiz, doesn't come up…
Dragon'll miss his bows, as he searches for his nemesis, the Wiz, No Doubt!

You can bet, that poor, dear, Wiz was tired of getting soaked, my friends!
But he was willing to do it, to make publicity for his brother’s play in the end.
The paparazzi soaked it up, giving the best free advertising, found anywhere!
The Wiz was featured in all, while Dragon appeared in his Monkey suit. Amen!

All in all, that crafty Director, made sure every body won in the end!
And Grandpa Troll's there, to keep everything safe, fun and pretend. 
Dragon will catch on, eventually, to what’s been going on… and I suspect...
Dragon and the Wiz BOTH will become, friendly, willing, partners in crime. 

Finally in… The End…


Details | Blank verse | |

A bit of fun

A bit of fun

There is a man crying
In a AA van on the edge of town  
I think he is heading for a
Breakdown >

Details | ABC | |

Black Jack

Black Jack dealers
Counting money
Dealing the cards
Taking all my money!!!!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble Or Dragon Hood and the Secret of the Burning Pants
Our traveling actor trolls, came home to help with ‘Shakespeare in the Park’. We wanted ‘Romeo and Juliet’, our neighborhood witches wanted ‘Mac Beth.’ Dragon wanted only happy endings…From Shakespeare? Yeah… R.I.G.H.T! Suddenly everyone was doing their own thing, I thought, many times that night! ‘Lord have Mercy on our souls!’ As I saw Shakespeare turning over in his grave! The Witches were doing the Cauldron scene, as it toiled and bubbled a real spell. But we’d convinced them to make a love potion, instead of a nasty one, do tell! Dragon wanted to be Prince Charming, but Disney wouldn’t be found in our play. So we sent him to light the bonfire and torches that were to light up the way. We settled for Dragon as a cupid, circling the balcony scene, up high, instead. He was miffed, when he found Romeo, was his rival, the Sheriff of Crazy Land! Yep, Dragon was in his Dragon Hood mode as he zoomed down to end this then… And he was in his Dragon Hood Cape! Now, How’d he got that darn thing in? Fortunately, his bows and arrows, were Nerf! But his intent was not, you see! But remember this is OUR Dragon Hood, an archer HE is NOT or will ever BE! In his jealous, seething dislike of the sheriff…he let those arrows fly… full swing! Many landed in and splashed the witches’ brew! Anointing everybody, all around! Yep, they were watching Romeo, so in love with Romeo, they all did become! Now the brew was the work of 3 witches. So, Yeah! It was undeniably triple strong! The entire audience jumped up and turned into a mob heading for their heartthrob. You should’ve seen the look of panic, on his face, as he decided to get out of town. But dear sweet Romeo was surrounded by now, with his back up against the wall. Grandpa Troll stomped his feet, making an earthquake, taking all, to the ground. Yep, he bought me enough time, to allow me to save Romeo, to get him far away. As I jumped from behind Juliet to upon Dragon’s neck… to clamp his mouth shut. Flame broiled Romeo was not going to happen, on my watch! I was sure, of that! So we grabbed Romeo, flew him to the lake. Naturally, the crowd turned our way. And you should have heard our Romeo scream, dangling 30 foot off the ground! But it might have been because a torch, it seems, had lit his Romeo pants on fire! Dumping Romeo in the lake, we put out the fire! Fortunately, the mob followed… Yep, into the lake, washing off the potion, ahhh, finally, the problem was solved! Though it’s said the fish were VERY friendly for about a week or two. And as for the witches performance of ‘Mac Beth’, as they said: Double, double, toil and trouble… Fire burn and Caldron Bubble… For a charm of powerful Trouble… Like a Hell broth boil and bubble… I now know what that means…

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Mouse Say

What does the mouse say?
“Okay! This is not funny!
Who put this trap here?”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Self Discovery with Dragon

They say there’s a touch of God in every one.
An Angel inside, that is sitting there… ready to come out.
He’ll have to wait a little bit longer… Dragon just woke up.
He’s a tad bit persnickety, which makes me rather petulant.

Yeah! He drives me slightly crazy, as I say: Oh Well! So What?
Yep! He poops on my roses and he rains on my every parade.
But he’s still the best friend… I assure you… That I have ever made.
He’s a tad bit crazy, but I believe my imagination, is the very same.

He’s the ying to my yang, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Every time I think something up and I begin to sit and write…
Dragon gets ahead of me and leads me into another plight.
He’s perfect in a parable, story, or even a fable or two.

Lord Have Mercy! NOW what next… am I going to do?
I know… I’ll try to use him to pay my son’s student loans!
While everyone is incredulous, I’ll be raking in the dough.
I guess dreams are good for something… Don’t you know!

Come here my little Dragon, it’s time to start an adventure, again.
Now, where shall I begin?  OOOPPS I’m talking to myself… again!

Imagination Contest: Carol Eastman 5-19-2014

Details | Light Poetry | |

Obama Toads

I was channel surfing for no particular reason
when I came upon a channel I had never heard of before.
It is suppose to be a news channel but in reality
it is a comedy channel, the funniest I have ever seen.
All of the on-air commentators stand up in a line
and President Obama, with a big smile on his face,
simply says one word, and that one word is “Jump!”.
The commentators don’t even ask “How High?”.
They all immediately started jumping, I laughed so hard I cried.
The name of the channel should be renamed:
“The Obama Toads On Parade”.
I didn’t know the Prez was a comedian,
he makes the all time greats such as Bob Hope, Eddie Murphy
Buster Keaton, Bill Cosby and Jerry Lewis look like rank amateurs.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Bruce Willis To The Rescue

Bruce Willis is at the Super Bowl with blimps and tunnels to run thru!
Run! Bruce Willis! Run! The bad guys are after you!
His wife is in the seats wondering if she’ll be safe!
Honey! Your Hubby is BRUCE WILLIS! No one could be MORE SAFE!

If something is not right! If terrorists are running a muck!
Bruce Willis to the rescue! Thank you very much!
With Miley Cyrus as the ½ time act! Don’t worry anyone!
Before she begins to twerk! He’ll tackle her to the ground!

Are the vendors charging way too much? What will you do?
Simply call Bruce Willis! He’ll do whatever  there needs… to do!
As everything goes into sudden death over time…
Bruce Willis to the rescue…That in unless…

Chuck Norris is there for the other blooming team!!!
Then Run! Bruce Willis! Run! Chuck Norris is after you!

Details | Limerick | |

The Loathsome Bard

He stands before us
to deliver 
a poem,a prose,a
verse a 
rhyme or message.

His manner quite
and his confidence 
puts the crowd at
Soon and very soon,
too soon- we loath

There is
to much cluster on
his grandiloquent
vine,of strung
words without

Tho the use of
gives poetic license
to insult. 
we loathe him

The silver-tongued
becomes wearisome.
While the mute
articulate points of

his eccentric
ramblings leads us
to dead ends. 

Unfulfilled and
We now loath him.
The loathsome Bard 
goes on to rant
and dissolute issues
of life,which we
felt the
Bard had not 
concern about.
His bombast
to some appears
out quite

Wordy vagaries,
leading us nowhere.
As we listen to the
of his charades,we
loathe him.
Tho quite colorful
and pompous,he leave
us in 
shambles, brains all
scrambled and we

The once brilliant
verse, though 
well rehearsed, is

The Bard,went not in
We the
pray aloud"next poet

please Lord"

We all were relieved
as he finally did
because he looked 
better going than

With our intellect
he was toying, 
tho the Bard was not
hard ....!!!!
Most certainly; He
was annoying !

Details | Light Poetry | |

About the Owl

An owl sat on our tree outside, and Dragon was completely mesmerized.
So Dragon ask what was his name, and Who was all that he devised.
Dragon said YOU, you silly bird; it’s YOUR name, which I want to know.
And again he got the answer… It was Who… Now, wouldn’t you know?

Now Dragon’s not a patient sort, so said… WHAT do you think of that!
Humpf!… If he won’t tell me his name, then I think I’ll call him Kersplat!
Who, said the owl again! Now, Dragon had began to become steamed.
Silly ninny! I named you the perfect name, ‘Kerslpat’, and he beamed!

Now, here Dragon realized that perhaps he needed to be, a bit more nice.
His words seemed limited, perhaps it wasn’t meant, as a mean device.
Now a crow came to the branch, and sat by the owl with a decisive bow.
The crow spouted, What? And Dragon ask: Are you here to help me Now?

What! came the answer from the crow, as the owl added another WHO.
Honestly, said Dragon! All I wanted, was to know your names, it’s true!
The crow’s hard of hearing, thought Dragon, as he suddenly realized…
Not everyone’s as fortunate as he, so he shouted loudly, as he theorized…

What’s YOUR name, he shouted! I’m tired of getting, NO good reply.
So he would call the crow What, and the crow squawked What! Oh my!.
Then little Whip Poor Will came and sat beside them, very, close and such.
When asked, he said Whip poor Will, so Dragon thanked him, very much!

Your name is Poor Will, but I won’t whip you, you deserve a gentle touch.
A Mocking Bird stopped by and Dragon introduced all his friends, as such.
The owl’s ‘Kersplat’, ‘What’ can’t hear, and ‘Poor Will’ are all my friends.
What’s your name little bird? For I’m Dragon, and you, I would befriend. 

At that moment, I left the house saying Hello to Dragon and all those about.
The Mocking Bird sang: Dragon’s to Whip Poor Will, Mocks What can’t hear, 
And wants to Kersplat Who! Blurting it out!
I dislike violence, so I sent Dragon to a timeout, in quick response, no doubt!
And I heard Dragon mutter, as he walked away, I now know what the term…
Bird Brain is all about! 

Details | Limerick | |

Magical Toilet Paper

From the shower to the mirror I stand With my breasts cupped in my hands Oh my gosh they're too small As I stand there and bawl You men simply just don't understand He suggests I take some toilet paper I've to rub them, Oh what a caper Blimey, how long this will take It'll take months, just wait Keep rubbing you'll soon be the shaper Golly, I'm starting to feel a right tit My new Bra they ain't going to fit Well it worked for your ass Keep going darling lass There's the proof, no lies, didn't it .

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Out of the Mist

Out of the mist… In a cloud of smoke… Dragon is at it again!
Yep, He’s out to protect Innocence, Truth, and the American Way!
He grabbed his Superman cape, AGAIN! I thought I’d got rid of that thing!
Oh No! He’s headed to the park… Honestly! NOT AGAIN! Yep! The Park!

Besides the Trolls are taking Kung Fu lessons, over there, in their ninja garb!
Well, at least we’ll have a Fireman there… He owns the Dojo, don’t you know?
He might be giving lessons, for more than Kung Fu, with Dragon there, today!
Lord a Mercy! Hurry up, Grandpa Troll! There he goes, I running as fast as I can!

Yeah! I’ve got the extinguishers here, and a helmet for protection from Troll Clubs.
Yea, I know! Dragon is just dumb enough… to not recognize who they really are!
Gee! Why is it every time Dragon runs amuck, cameramen have to invade the park?
I suspicion, it’s our neighborhood witch, again, tipping them off, to make a buck!
WOW! Look at the crowds of people there! It’s like they’re waiting to see, maybe… 
Shakespeare in the Park! But, what they’ll get is a Super Dragon, without his luck.
Here comes our favorite policeman who patrols every day! I’d better run faster, I say!
He’s the one who got the burning pants… Last time Dragon Hood went astray!

Gee! I can’t get my breath fast enough… after running so far! OH! NO! NO, WAY!
Here it comes. The clash is about to begin. Wait, I got it! I’ll pretend to pass out …
Then Dragon will have to take me home!  That should save the day! I Hope!
What? Why does every one want to pound on my chest! I don’t need NO CPR!

Well, at least Dragon’s stopped chasing the Trolls. Ok! I’ll let them pound, some more!
HUH! Grandpa Troll is laughing Hilariously! He’s knows what I’m all about!
As soon as every one’s done practicing CPR… Surely, he’ll be able to get me out… 
Dang! Dragon owes me one! I wish Grandpa Troll would take the smirk off his face!

I’d leave if the fireman weren’t so cute! Gee! Now, he’s winking at me. Yep! OK!
He knows what I’m up to… Thank God, He’s calling Dragon to take me home.
Gee! Even Hubby will be laughing his pants off! This time, before it’s all done!
Next time, I’ll have a better plan! Isn’t it amazing what Dragon makes me do?

AHH! GEE! Don’t YOU laugh TOO! If you’d been in my shoes, what would YOU do?
But, Honestly, isn't it nice to know... That where ever in life I go...
There's always another adventure... Coming just down the road.
And there is plenty of room for you to come along and be there, too.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Frog Say

What does the frog say?
“I eat bugs. You eat my legs.
You must be crazy!”

Details | Ballad | |

Pan and Satan

Pan and Satan.

One morning I was walking in my garden
When old Jupiter came up close to me.
And standing by his side stood fair Demeter
Who smiled at me so warm and tenderly.
She said “my son we’ve come to give our blessings
And we’ve a story we would like to tell.
Of how the great God Pan turned into Satan
And child I hope that you will listen well.

For Pan he was the god of natures beauty
And he wore no taint till Satan came along.
He’d play his pipes so gaily in the meadows
Though sometimes there was mischief in his song.

Then Satan said to pan “well I don’t give a damn
I’m going to steal your horns and make you me.
Then I’ll build a master plan and strike some fear in man
So always he will live in misery.
And that’s the way old Pan became young Satan
Yet still the old one dances deep within.
But if the two had never joined together
Then where would dwell the ugliness of sin.


Details | Light Poetry | |


Dragon loves his penguins! Oh that we know quite well.
So…Dragon ask for their own little, silver, fire retardant, suits, do tell!
Oh Lord A Mercy! The little penguins dress up sooo very cute, too!
But leave it to our government, to get mixed up, as a spy drone, flew thru!

Yep, The Men in Black, were at our door, to pick the, little aliens up!
Now remember this is division 6, they follow orders, right or wrong.
And do you know any Bureaucracy that can solve a problem, once it’s made? 
When we proved they were our penguins, and they weren’t from outer space…

They gave their crazy orders to the INF for deportation as foreigners, anyway.
We THEN had to get them working visas, for our illustrious, and bountiful zoo.
But you know bureaucracies when they get started, they do, whatever, they must do. 
So they passed the orders along to the NSA to investigate the penguins, right away.

A full fledge investigation went on, to make sure they’re not terrorists, in any way.
Homeland security, now, had to add their names upon their proverbial, no fly, list. 
The CIA was slow, to join into the fray, but once they got started! What can I say? 
Don’t forget they now felt, their toes, had been thoroughly tromped upon, this day!

Honestly! All I wanted to do, by now… Was to get the heck OUT OF TOWN!
But, we had to follow protocol’s yellow tape, all the way, slowly, down the line!
Our mayor’s nose was out of joint, as no one listened to him, along the way.
But the Governor was in his element, so to save them from being whisk away…

He sent their case directly to the State Supreme Court, where bail could be made!
Here nothing could be decided upon, since they aren’t human, so then we were sent…
To the highest court in the land! But the Constitution was foggy, on this bent.
So Congress wrote a bill, to give Constitutional rights to the penguins, everyone!

A loophole, became evident, on granting citizenship cause they’re animals, You all! 
Until, The President, with a stroke of his pen on an Executive Order… 
Granted Zoo Citizenship… So at this point we were finally able to go back home! 
And remember, those cute little silver fire retardant suits… They fit into!

They were thrown into the trash can! As we hid from more, snooping satellites, too.
Spying had started the whole thing, and from buying so much fire retardant cloth!
What can I say? Got to love a government that can protect us… from ourselves!

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Turd Say

What does the turd say?
“I once was delicious food.
Now I’m stinking crap.”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Beware Dragon Eggs

Dragon came into my life as Grandpa Troll, gave me a little egg and praise.
He said that only a special few, could deal with a dragons’ crazy, mixed up ways.
Dragons need a touch, he said, that could lead them properly, in their special life.
I should have known, that being crazy, was a big necessity, for all the future strife!

I was so excited, that I thought of nothing else, but that egg, that day, to be exact. 
I waited, oh so patiently, for him to sally forth, and when the shell finally cracked…
One look into his little luminescent eyes… and my heart was surely, forever, set.
As I heard him mew at me, I knew that I was absolutely, forever, hopelessly blest.

Reality set in, as I went to pick him up. You might say he took me by surprise. 
I should have run, for the first thing he did, was bite me, the little wise guy!
Every thing he was supposed to eat, he singed, before he threw it back, in my face.
What Grandpa Troll had not said, is in reality…I would not own him, in any case.

Yep, you guessed it; my little flame-throwing friend would now… own… me.
I can see why they live in caves, for my house, nearly went up in smoke, yippee!
I should have known, this would happen, for the little Dragon spit fire, left and right.  
Also, I received several fire extinguishers from the Trolls, before, the very first night.

Not to mention, the gift of a fire retardant suit, from dear old lovely, Grandpa Troll
It didn’t take me long, to discover, that staying ahead of Dragons, is not easy, at all.
Fire retardant suit on, I started teaching him, how to hold back his fire, and more.
With all the ash and soot, my fire alarm kept going off, till I threw it out the door.

I slept inside his rock cave, or he’d follow me back in, crying fire all over my floor!
Grandpa Troll kept chuckling, as I learned more and more, about true, Dragon lore!
Barbecue sauce became a way of life, believe me, and everything had to be charred.
Unfortunately, whenever I said NO! I became the angry object, of his hungry regard.

Barbecue sauce in hand, he’d chase me around our backyard, now a daily routine.
They grow faster than your eyes can see, as these babies can pick a stockyard, clean.
One day he did fit in the palm of my hand… and the next, he surely did dwarf me.
But Grandpa Troll was there to mediate, when our strong wills did clash, endlessly.

He gave us, time outs from each other: facing, all the way across the lake, we sat!
Good thing, too, I must admit… because his fire throws a long, long way, at that.
But just to let you know, my life’s much better, and not so boring, anymore.
For when a Dragon, loves you, well, they’re someone you simply can’t ignore!
Beware Dragon Eggs

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Moose Say

What does the moose say?
“No, I’m not an ugly deer.
I’m not Bullwinkle.”

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Witch Say

What does the witch say?
“I ride around on a broom
just because I can.”

Details | Rhyme | |


In the summertime we all fear,
that certain bug that we can't hear.
Like a vampire with wings it comes in the night,
sometimes it feels like they take a pint.
You scratch the itch until it's raw,
there should be some kind of law!
To eradicate this bug before I die,
Ouch! I think one just bit my eye!
Those rotten mosquitoes are on a roll,
maybe I should move to the North Pole.


Contest : Relate to on of these Quotes

#7 Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?  Anonymous

Details | Iambic Pentameter | |

A Boxcar Named Desire

No, we weren't a couple one expected. 
"What could she be thinking", one reflected. 
Yet we held an undefined attraction; 
Some subconscious neuron interaction. 

After weeks we gathered our composure 
Time to face my parents' first exposure. 
True, your looks were just a bit off kelter(sic). 
Poets often live at homeless shelters. 

Mother stiffened, held her throat, and gasped. 
Father never moved, in shock perhaps. 
Then we vowed to do what we must do. 
Freight trains leave at seven, ten and two.

Gene Bourne


Details | Limerick | |

Silly Woman

There was a silly woman from Detroit Who at everything was adroit She couldn't ev'n boil an egg She just kept them in a keg And then she threw them like a quoit. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 10.21.2014

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Dream With Dragon

I had a Dream with Dragon in it, yes, just this morning, yes, today!
And the Dreams that linger, that I recall, are usually bad, I’m wont to say… 
Haven't seen 'Day of The Trifids' in years. What I was thinking? Where’d I go wrong?
But as I was chased by marauding man-eating cactus… it suddenly turned into fun!
I thought of Dragon par broiling their great big bottoms, when Suddenly, there he was!
Now, I’d have fricasseed cactus for lunch, or at least, a more, peaceful, sleep or fun!

Then, enter stage left, marauding bikers…maybe not friendly… but handy… Come On!
They didn’t like the cactus either! Ker Splat! Take notes Dragon… Film at One.
To battle those marauding cacti… Dragon Got my brothers’ motorbike and off we went!
Dragon on the handlebars, blowing fire! Speeding! Yahoo! Didn’t see to turn. Ya Think!
Not with Terror Dragon in front. OOPS! Came to the hall end! Wouldn’t you know! 
I put him in a sidecar, as we went to make this an adventure movie. Sure. Why Not?

Movie’s shaping up well, but with Dragon's food breaks, it won’t be done, before dark.
Go team Dragon! Hey! We're running out of cacti here! We need to get some more!
Hey Grandpa Troll! We need more cacti! Be a dear, and get us some? OPPPS! 
The Supreme Leader of the Universe, my brother's here. He wants his bike. No doubt! 
He’s looking at that sidecar I added, for sure! Pretty don’t you think, in pink? 
Oh, just ignore his Dogs of War. They won’t attack, I hopefully implored! 

But he WAS a bit put out, when Dragon borrowed his bike to ride, that other day!
Dragon DON”T get Huffy, the Supreme Leader can, too, travel in dreams, if he wants!
You’re big, but he’s Supreme Leader! Remorse, at taking his bike, would help, a lot! 
Now you did it! Flaming his butt! Oh! Really? You were aiming at  cacti sneaking up?
Gee thanks! Just hope he doesn’t notice the burn hole, in his fancy leather pants!
But having The Supreme Leader in our movie might just add, an extra special punch!

We should be his sidekicks, and when the movie’s over, it’ll be Taco Bell for lunch!
Dragon!  Maybe you and I can lead, to singe off those nasty cactus needles, galore. 
Our Great Supreme Leader'll kick their bottoms back to where they belong. For sure!
This hasn’t been, as bad a dream as most, I’ve gotta say. And we won! Hip! Hooray! 
If we replant the cacti and water them when all is done, our GP rating might hold on! 
Plus, if it’s named ‘The Supreme Leader + Dragon’, He says he will forgive… 

And if you don’t use his motorcycle spokes for tooth picks… WHAT AGAIN!!!! 
Hurry up! Put them back, Before he finds out! Hey I forgot, this is a dream… Think!
Yeah, I know, it’s a big stretch! But that did it! Thank Goodness, it’s done! 
Amazing! We’d better say 'Bye, Bye dream' before more trouble comes… The End!


Details | Narrative | |

Booger Eater

Enos Cooper is a booger eater,
he eats his own boogers every day.
When Enos gets drunk he eats other people’s boogers,
but when he wakes up the next day he never remembers
his booger eating escapades of the night before.
People tell him about his exploits, but Enos insists
that there is no way he would do such a thing, drunk or sober.
When he is shown photos of his booger eating forays,
Enos insists that the pictures have been photoshopped.
His booger chomping became so gross that the voters
in his district elected Enos “Nasty” Cooper to Congress.

Details | Couplet | |

A Welcome Reception

A Welcome Reception
or Receptionist and a Poetry Recital

Take care of dolls and put them on display
And a story each one will have to say
About the time there was such a hush
Because their teeth they forgot to brush.

They were all afraid to smile anymore
Gums were starting to get mighty sore
And soon a cavity appeared in each tooth
Not unusual but unfair and very uncouth.

Receptionist such a sweet smiling was wearing
For her teeth religiously is always caring
You should have a smile that looks like mine
She said after her and my eyes would entwine.

Could hardly breathe when I saw her teeth
Brushed all around, on and gums underneath
Then a tremendous thought to me occurs;
God, make my teeth look as good as hers. 

I can see my dentist's receptionist smiling and 
laughing and eyes twinkling right now as she 
reads this. Will be seeing them next Tuesday
but forgot what time. Oh, and is the coffee
water warm yet? When do you want to hear
my dental poetry recital?

Jim Horn

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Beast

BEWARE the BEAST! She bites! She Snores! She Snorkels!
No wonder Dragon likes her so much! She also Snarls, and Drools!
No one dares to wake her up… After they’ve done it, a time or two.
Yes! This is our leader, the one, Dragon thinks is so wonderfully Cool!

The beast is totally in control… Even Grandpa Troll gives her, her due.
She forms our thoughts and reshapes minds, with only, her look so true.
No one would ever gainsay her word, or trouble, it would definitely brew!
Now who is this one… who is sound of limb… and even fiercer of mind?

No! I dare not tell you! She’s hears everything, reacting quickly, all the time!
It all started when she bought a ‘self-help’ book on the new Internet line.
Followed by ‘Be The Assertive One’, and then ‘How to be in Control!’
That was when we all backed off, and where she definitely, lost control!

When she read an ‘Efficiency Training Book’, our hopes were truly gone.
We want our old MOM BACK! We should never have complained, on and on!
Honest we’ll NEVER do it AGAIN! We’ll be ANGELS… truly, one and all!
Yes! We’ll even stop to make our beds. And then we’ll be no trouble, at all!

We missed the days of Fun! Fun! Fun! So we quickly devised a great plan!
We brought her a cup of her favorite tea, with a chill pill dissolved inside.
Then we tucked her, gently, onto the couch, as she was about to drift off.
She awoke with the TV remote, in her hand. Her favorite shows were on.

We confiscated those new books, and left, her old cookbooks in their wake.
It might take a day or two… but we see signs that a full recovery she will make.
Lets just give her an itty bitty little break… Then get ready her running shoes.
She Snarls, and Snorkels, Snores, and Drools. She’s back! Mom! We love you!

Details | Verse | |

Leeroy von Nebulae

Leeroy von Nebulae and Pitter Patter Supernova

Upon the sparkling April field, where the bell-flowers blossome'd,
two poets stood amid the blooms, two writers of their wisdom,
where singing aves exalted them, cause deep in verse have fathome'd
and treated poetry like none, with loyalty and serfdom.

Meantime the birds were chirping in the leafage of the forest
the two composers synthesize'd the crop of thoughts that random
became their poetry's free verse, philosophy, thus, modest,
the scriptures called bankrupted talk and artlessness of flotsam.

The authors, thus, amid the trees, and vervains' purple colors,
narrated 'bout the pepper steaks and pizzas pepperoni,
the grayish donkeys and their bray, through softened words of candor,
conducting hence this spectacle and joyous ceremony.

What was occurring round the two was godly sent, on purpose;
the softened breeze, the sunny morn, the singing of the birdies,
and furthermore their kindest verse that both believed was flawless,
- the soul's redemption stands upon the praising by the toadies.

Obtusely raising, slow but firm, their tilted thoughts euphoric
have driven both to fly above this natural assemblage,
hence joyfully enjoine'd the cause of logic anti-strophic,
amid the clouds envisioning a pizza-Heaven-cottage.

Leeroy von Nebulae y Pitter Patter Supernova
expressed their malarky of verse, that donkeys then recited
and stood impassive 'mid the blooms, their thoughts a dull cadenza,
evaluated by the birds, that chirped their notes, astounded.

© 03-23-2014, G. Venetopoulos, All Rights Reserved
(Iambic decapentasyllabic verse)

Details | Light Poetry | |

Treasures of My Soul

The more the world changes, the more it stays the same.
I was just telling my 2-year-old Dragon, this the other day.
Now I have a petulant Dragon, once I had a petulant child.
They might be very different, but they are both very wild.

I used to have a neighborhood coffee clutch, coffee, black, sugar, and milk.
Now its Starbucks for a mocha late espresso and it’s WiFi, or that ilk.
I used to be a chemist, jotting in my notebook of experiments every day.
Now, it’s a fancy computer playfully typing, while in Grandpa Troll’s lair.

The only difference I seem to find, as my arthritis begins to take hold…
Is that I’ve opened up a treasure Chest where I’m Merlin becoming bold.
Pearls of wisdom I now spout to a Dragon, as my mind begins to look around.
And some times he even listens… Naw! Remember he’s like my child!

And my 10-year-old black Lab is now laughing and talking directly to me.
My hubby lent me his Trolls, so I could begin to see the world, as it must be.
But, most of it’s seen in ‘time out’, across a lake from Dragon on the opposite shore.
We don’t see eye to eye very often, as Grandpa Troll, lays down the law, for sure.

Yes, my Treasure Chest is always over flowing now, with new and different things.
It seems Dragon likes to bring them home, while gliding in on his beautiful wings.
But he’s only 2 years old, and still needs a little motherly advice… like yesterday…
He found out my name isn’t Mama after all, and Dragon tears began to flood… all away.

So, I just cuddled him gently, as I told him my real name is, for the world’s whim.
But then, only one who shines so brightly, is allowed to call me Mama, just like him.
At that moment another pearl dropped into that over flowing, treasure chest of mine.
As Dragon keeps bringing a new way of life, filled with so much brilliant sunshine.

Happiness is a choice I’ve found, that suits me to a tea, and snippets from my Hubby…
Help keep the sunshine bubbling from that treasure chest, with my royal decree.
Still, as things keep changing around me, the more they seem to stay the same.
Now, I’m not writing only for my child, it’s toward other children… I aim. 

Details | Rhyme | |

Let Laughter In

Let laughter fill my very soul
Seek out my every need
That's why I choose clown as my role
This is my living creed

When life has given those hard knocks
Just tell me something funny
I want to think outside the box
That's worth much more than money

There's something humorous each day
To give us light within
Just watch your kids or pets at play
It's bound to make you grin

If circumstance is gripping you
Let laughter in,find peace
Let go the pain that's riding through
And all that angst will cease

Details | Limerick | |

Resolution Bittersweet

I ate to many sweets this past year.
My sweet tooth is the culprit I fear.
Stopping my sweet treats,
Will be bittersweet .
Resolution this year is unclear.

Pull my sweet tooth is what I will do.
Which one will I pull, have I a clue?
It is my mindset,
I need to except,
To limit all my sugary chews.

For Gwendolen's contest, "Limerick in My Pocket"

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Tick Say

What does the tick say?
“I prefer dogs but I’ll bite
your ass in a pinch.”

Details | Free verse | |

The Oxymoron

                  The Oxymoron

Dark light flood - seeped the small room,
Music droned loud with a dull sharpness.
As people stood and danced alone together,
Violent sways of percussion brushed my ear
A teenage adult smiled grimly as courage fled,
When I, dared to ask the girl woman to dance.
I stood shuffling in brave fear like the living dead,
A serious joke that I hoped no one laughed at. 
Her smile frowned as she moved in an irregular pattern,
I made my forward retreat to the other side of the room
And watched her then in the now deafening silence, 
With such sweet sorrow, as she danced with another.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Wolf Say

What does the wolf say?
“That sly old fox outsmarts me
every damn time.”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Chia Pet Dragon

Dragon was upset when the Sheriff of CrazyLand banned him from the park.
A week from the park! And the new leash law Had To Go! He Squawked!
He was bad, but to wear a leash… Upset him, sooo very much, you know!
And he wasn’t done communing with nature, for answers he needed, sooo...
Dragon snuck back into the park to add more, to his 2 year old reality.
You see; he believed nature was wild and he was more like humanity.

After all he’s not a pet, to lie around the house and wear a leash. Honestly!
He learned, only pigeons are allowed on statues. He’d proceed, cautiously! 
So Camouflage became the new…name of the game, with his new mindset.
So he got the Great idea; Dragon and his penguins would become Chia Pets!
They poured the seeds all over themselves And NO! I’m not joking at that!
The penguins made great Chia pet shrubs, until a dog decided to pee, splat! 

Trust me! The penguin got angry! And you don’t want to know the result!
Dragon was more a Chia mountain, with a volcano blowing steam, engulfed.
And you must know, Our Dragon can’t sit still a minute, on any given day. 
So when he saw the track, he became a mountain on the run, you might say. 
He left a trail of Chia, that even the crazy Sheriff, couldn’t possibly miss!
The Sheriff knowing him well, decided: why chase him around like this?

He got the fire department to meet him at the favored ice cream parlor shack.
The Sheriff couldn’t keep a straight face, knowing just how he would attack!
As Dragon came up puffing smoke, to get even, he would simply, holler fire!
The firemen would put out Dragons’ fire! But, it never ends, as one conspires.
As Dragon arrived, the sheriff gave a child, an ice cream, in the combat zone.
Yep! His butt was facing Dragon as he bent over to hand the child the cone. 

An errant spark set HIS pants on fire… So instead of hosing Dragon down…
The Sheriff, became the one who got hosed, by the firemen, from all around! 
‘Really? Again?’ Was all he could scream! Tho the irony hadn’t been missed.
The paparrizzi, standing nearby, had heard the plan… So pictures snapped!
The newspaper captions the next day, read: ‘Sheriff brought low by GOD’… 
At nature’s request’ THE One and Only Burning Bush: lit the Sheriff on fire!

Of course, the Sheriff ordered Dragon out of the park, again, as he screamed!
But Dragon had his answer, GOD protects all and Nothing is what it seems! 
Gentle Dragon had survived an attack, from the wild Sheriff’s petty schemes. 
Who was hauled away in a padded wagon, for a small vacation, in-between. 
And the Newspaper papparizzi answered all Dragon’s questions, penned, 
In The End!

Details | Light Poetry | |


Oh No! Oh No! What has my son done? I hope it’s, not already to late!
He lives at a fraternity house, and surely, you know THAT intense mental state.
March has St. Patrick’s Day, Spring Break, and has, of course, Easter in it, too.
So they decided to have some great fun, yes, a fun filled month to happily ensue.

They invited a Leprechaun, the Easter Bunny, and the king of bongos, a gnome.
Apparently they convinced everyone it’d be more fun, to Simply… Stay… Home.
The whole campus flooded thru that fraternity house, in the party’s that ensued.
And they convinced the Easter Bunny to do jello shots in every color and hue.

He became known as THE BUN, yes, The One who finally, truly could fly…
And the Leprechaun danced till he dropped… to a great bongo serenade, aye.
There was no SIMPLY about this! As the music rocked the frat house, next door.
And girls were seen coming and going, at all hours, even passed out on the floor.

This was the party no one missed… even the frat house with the snobs, were there.
It’s said even some of the President’s security attended, partying there, somewhere.
Before they were done, a plan was sown, as the gnome found it’s yearly, new home. 
Yes, it got there, in Washington somehow, on the top of the Real ‘White House’ Dome.

But along the way THE BUN was lost… some where along the never-ending roads.
The Leprechaun called me, our Dragons and Trolls, to help, to search the highroads.
The poor little guy was so pie eyed, when we found him along that crazy way, so…
We fixed him up, we didn’t give up, until we could send him, into that Easter Frey.

Contest: Show Me The Funny

Details | Rhyme | |

The Beauty Of Women- Continued

Well it was another one of those days Where the devil had come about I was trying to write about the beauty of women And the words just came right out What I was trying to say was their all beautiful to me And most men that I know would be sure to agree But the words that I wrote that flew out so free May have started a hate for me that I shall soon see Now I'll spend my days all alone,and affraid to leave this house For a woman might sneak up and try to strangle me with her blouse I should have never wrote those words because I'm a spouse And now my wife probably thinks I'm nothin more than a louse But what I was trying to say was somethin most men will all agree You don't need to always compare yourselves for it's something we all see Your shoes,your clothes,your hair,your nails, it all just drives us so crazy You all have your own beautiful look so please accept it and just let it be I never meant to degrade you in anyway or to cause you any alarm But the hits those words received seems like I may be heading for some harm So I ask for your forgiveness and please don't send out your women of arms Because I told the men in my neighborhood,and their quite handy with their charms
DannyBoy 1-17-13

Details | Clerihew | |

William Shatner

William Shatner (Captain Kirk),
Best known for his acting work,
In music he would speak the song,
Resulting in a say-along.

Details | Limerick | |

Batman And Robin


Batman and Robin hit the Joker
But their blow was only a croaker
The Joker hit back
But instead hit Jack
Who said "I'm glad, the Joker's an smoker!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Details | Light Poetry | |

Valentine Mischief

No one at home on Valentine’s Day, our lips were already locked.
Getting used to being alone, our plans would have left you shocked.
Back from vacation, the Basement Trolls came strolling in, our night was lost.
But wait! My Hubby had planned ahead, perhaps we were still star-crossed.

Unleash the Closet Trolls his voice rang out! I’m sending you on patrol!
To the rescue came his brand new chums. The Closet Trolls were in control.
He knew he was ahead, in this game, as he got back to soundly kissing me.
Deflecting the Big Trolls? No Luck, or had you already forgot? You’ll see…

First they decided to chase the squirrels away from around, our window trees.
It began to look a bit like the Circus Soleil, rather than, our bedroom fantasies.
I think we may have started a war, between the Closet Trolls and the squirrels.
This became a possibility, as Trolls fell into the birdbath, as the water swirled.

All we’d meant, was to distract the Basement Trolls, from finding us in progress.
But they came up for a better view, and yep, that was us, they found breathless.
Now giving up on all our plans, Circus Trolleil became the topic of the day.
So we sent the Basement Trolls into the fray, to make peace for all, in any way.

Next year, we’ll convince them to stay, on vacation in the snow another week.
And then the Closet Trolls will be sent to guard the zoo across town, so to speak.
Now don’t be surprised, we’d had a good time… the kisses were really great.
But, a little more would have been a great treat, for oldsters like us, at any rate.

In the mean time, Circus Troleil will be a truly happening thing, coming real soon.
Grandpa Troll made a truce between the squirrels and the Closet Trolls. Thank You!
Now, they practice together every day, for a Vegas debut, soon, with Mac Raccoon.
And Valentines Day can be planned, as a small little get away, later, as opportune.

Details | Limerick | |

A Girl Named Rose

There was a young lady named Rose
Who lit her a fire when the wind blows.
Her house went to flame,
Firemen had came,
When she played with the fireman's hose.


Details | Blank verse | |

a package from Amazon

getting old
sitting on my rocker
waiting for mail 

a package
from Amazon 
with my first fast elder walker with seat

they say that this fast elder walker with seat
could last 
up to ten years to the day

I do pray 
that this walker 
is not my last 

and that it and I 
don’t go too fast

Details | Limerick | |

Doctor Bills

I awaited, from my Doctor Quills,
A prescription for medicinal pills
  -  the pills were applied
  -  but I about died
When I had received his pill bills!

Details | Rhyme | |

Zoo Poo Doo

On my recent vacation I went to the nearby zoo.
While there a monkey hit me with a pile of poo.
I loudly complained to the zoo’s senior employees.
They told me that I was lucky an elephant hadn’t peed on me.
Then a giraffe spat a wad of goop on me, but I was really glad it wasn’t poop.
The worst part of the trip, by far, was seeing a naked fat man with a hula hoop.

Details | Haiku | |

A good winter's cleaning

What are Cabinites                                                                                                          all things you find when cleaning                                                                                      cabinet dwellers

Details | Light Poetry | |


Acting like a monkey,
Feeling kind of funky,
Here comes the honky,
Riding a dang donkey,
Looking a little chunky,
Will never be hunky,
His house is very junky,
His children are punky,
His car is awfully clunky,
He is a wibble wobble wonky,
His donkey is really a zonkey.

Details | Couplet | |

The best job

Your own successful biz,
that's what your best job is!

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | ABC | |

The Whooper

The whooper
I went fishing the other day.Caught a fish that I was surprised.
The fish was a least six inches long. 
I took my fish and went to the market to look for beer.
Their I told, the butcher I caught a fish.
That was 12 inches long.
On the way to my house I saw a cop friend of mine.
I told him that i had a fish that was 18 inches long.
I stopped for a few beers at the bar I saw joey the postman.
I told joey that i had a whopper of a fish that was 
Two feet long

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Fire Bar and Grill

Dragon and his penguins were getting restless, as summer came, in style.
So Grandpa Troll opened an eatery, to keep them out of trouble, for a while.
Dragon would cook everything, as the penguins got a dance floor, very real.
Dragon craves attention, so they named it, The Dragon Fire Bar and Grill. 

All was swell, until an inspector showed up, set on closing down the bar.
No beers! Dragon and his penguins are under 21, he wrote down, so far.
Flamed by dragon had to go, he said, for dragon couldn’t control his fire.
As, it ‘Was’ a bit over done, Dragon was sent, to cook outside, as required.

The next decree; Dragon couldn’t light the birthday candles, while tableside.
You see, the first cake, went up in flames, as fire extinguishers rained, inside.
Autographs would not do, as dragons’ signature, is a touch of spoken flame.
In fact, Dragon was totally banned, by the inspector from, the slightest thing.

So, Dragon began to eye the inspector, like a stalk of celery, at a veggie convention.
Then, he suddenly dropkicked the Inspector out the door, with a smiling conviction.
Now, we had to make concessions, FAST, before the inspector, happily, expelled us.
The Trolls dragged him back, and sat him not too gently, on his bruised Kotukus.

But an eruption ensued, as tables got knocked down, while the Trolls walked thru.
With a, ‘Never give up’, I proposed a few, little, useful changes… I could argue.
Penguins became the waiters, to be tipped in anchovies, from a jar, on the table.
Tho, they couldn’t fathom not putting anchovies, in drinks, to make them special!

But, you might say, we’ll keep working, diligently, till we get out all the kinks...
We couldn’t figure out how to pay income tax, on penguins paid, in anchovies…
So we became non-for-profit; donating everything, to the new, Zoo Penguin Lair.
In the ‘Dragon Smoke House Soda Bar and Grill’, Dragon cooks out front, with flair.

Autographs would be, Employee Paw prints, from jars of beautifully colored paints.
Dragon and his penguins footprints, became put in concrete, as he wanted, so quaint.
Nobody seemed to mind, when concrete splashed over all, amide the grand applause.
Everyone gets umbrellas as Dragon lights the Baked Alaska birthday cakes, outside.

Then the Penguins, dance a Texas line dance, in Texas finery, for a birthday surprise!
Thank goodness it was only the first day… and giving up, to us, does not apply!
You see, people don’t come here for our special-cooked food, thank you, very much… 
They come to meet our crew, you know, and for our special kind of ‘Crazy’ ambience.

Details | ABC | |

Why does it have to be , ABCD and not WXYZ

Zooming at the very end
Yelling around I find my way
Xtremely touchy and tearful
Why does it always have to be
                      ABCD and not WXYZ!

Details | Limerick | |

Haiku Hell

Haikus with beer go well, I was told So I sat down and I ate eighty-four And when I got through I’m here to tell you, There sure was a mess on the floor Written by John Posey 12/22/12

Details | Light Poetry | |

Mermaid Song

The Mermaid  Songs

Once upon a time, as school was coming to it’s yearly close.
We’d read about mermaids and their songs of Golden prose.
Now, the witch was over visiting and heard everybody’s sighs.
They so, wanted to sing with mermaids, and thru the waters glide.

Dragon was the worst, as he grabbed my mop top to become his hair.
Then he flew out to the lake dock, and began calling those ladies fair.
I began thinking how sad, if my Dragon never did meet this ladylove.
The witch, tears upon her face, then brought that, which he dreamt of.

It seems, while on her yearly travels, our witch once met a lovely mere.
Who was fascinated with the tales of Dragon, and the antics he did stir.
Suddenly, they were there together, a wish granted on a witch’s whim.
Dragon became so very quiet, as a first blush of shyness, ran over him.

The mermaid laughed and giggled as she took the mop from off, his head.
Then she sang a soulful song as she began to touch his wings and said...
Where I come from you’re a legend, a story of days, from, long, gone bye.
To this he just smiled. Yes, our Dragon had turned smitten, and so very shy.

It lasted only a moment; until she asked him, to please, take her to the sky. 
Two dreams became one as they traveled the skies, and then the water nigh.
She also, met Dragons penguins, the first she had ever been able to meet.
Them from cold, and she from hot…now in the middle all were complete.

Suddenly the mermaid had the idea, to bring in more of her mere folk.
What? You thought they only sat, singing and giving their hair a stroke?
We invited the neighboring swim teams, accapella groups, and families.
And don’t forget the Glee Clubs, plus the Barber Shop Quartets, you see.

Actually, everybody came to do, even barbecues for Dragon and his guests.
Once a week all summer, the fun continued, but never the same, not once.
It was a summer to be made into legends, for all our days and those beyond.
And each time, we honored the witch, who’d let us learn the Mermaids songs.

Details | Lyric | |

If History Was Food Part 2

If history was food part 2

Details | Free verse | |

Gormless sue

I once had a girlfriend
Her name was gormless Sue
They mustuck her for a Gorilla
and put her in a Zoo.

They fed her bananas
through the bars of her cage
and soon caught the eye
of a young male called Dave.

Dave chased her around
the cage every day and all through the night 
and it wasn't a pretty site.

Sue begged me to save her and let her out
So y picked the lock
and she ran out screaming
and ran and never stopped.

Then the zoo keeper
mistook me for a bear
No one let me out and I'm still there.

Ah Well what can you do
Suppose I;ll just have ro grin and'' bear'' it

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.march

Details | Limerick | |

Mountain Man

Jackson LeGrand is a big hardy mountain man.
He eats rocks for breakfast and pisses out sand.
He has outfoxed foxes and outrun deer.
Each Sunday he drinks his weight in beer.
He even has the nerve to eat spam straight from the can.

Details | Limerick | |

Things Ain't Right in OZ

In Oz most things had a glitch:
Like bricks from red to yellow did switch;
 - Monkey things
 - with flyin’ wings;
And ...  the water’s bad – ask the witch!

Details | Limerick | |

The gun and god combo

"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill 
And need to own more than just one

A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack

Details | Light Poetry | |

Unmatch Dot Com

One in four relationships begin online,
 Nearly three in four relationships now end online.
That's why,
 Unmatch dot com,
 Is the world's biggest break-up site.
 And an amazing ninety-one percent of people who use unmatch dot com,
 Break-up successfully with their new ex-partner.
Using unmatch dot com is easy:
 You simply fill in our simple online form, 
 And tick the criteria that your rubbish ex-partner-to-be hasn't met -
 And, because we have an amazing choice of reasons on offer,
 You know, using unmatch dot com, you will never be stuck
 with one of those embarrsssing silences,
 When your partner asks:
 But..but, why?
And, if your relationship fails to fail,
 We will give you your money back - no questions asked.
 That's how confident we are,
 When you break-up using unmatch dot com.
 We at unmatch dot com understand,
 With our busy and hectic lives,
 It's difficult to find time,
 To meet to break-up with your very unspecial new ex-partner...
 Join unmatch dot com today,
 Because with unmatch dot com,
 Love is..

Details | Light Poetry | |

Corporation Blues

Hubby works for a Corporation called the... Well, I’m not allowed to say.
He answers telephones. Really! EVEN with his great degree, every day!
But, now, remember this is a Corporation, and they do stuff differently!
They leave the air conditioners on, when it’s still winter at, 10 BELOW!

A worker controls the temperature… from 8 states away, so has his fun!
Everyone works in parkas, gloves, and earmuffs, every, single day, bar none!
It wouldn’t continue if the Uppity Ups, didn’t work in warmer rooms above!
Darn those Corporations, they have no common sense, what-so-ever, at all!

All the chairs are broken, that’s hard, since they’re rocks from a prehistoric age!
And all have to scavenge for working earphones, around the room, every day!
The computer tools aren’t working, someone mysteriously, turned them off.
But they still want one call resolution, of all problems in ten minutes or less.

The pay is next to nothing, so the Company stock looks SO good, by gosh!
Benefits and HR are in India, where they don’t understand any English, at all!
All the pay increases were capped, oh, about eight or maybe, ten years ago!
Now they’ve quit hiring those who finished high school, and want to work.

There’s even been fights in what has now, been designated, as Hoodlum Row. 
They’re here, for the long run, and don’t even bother, to answer their phones!
The entire town was shut down due to snow, and if you didn’t come in that day…
Well, you know the story, someone in another state, simply, docked your pay!

They had asked to use vacation time, but that took 2 months to fix, by the way!
Quitting time is obvious, as all the bosses mysteriously, suddenly, drift away.
The penguins came with Hubby one day, and have come back, every day since.
Their snowball fights, in the aisles, are legendary each and every day! Amen!

They don’t complain, love the cold, answer the phones, and people quickly hang up!
Since the customers can’t understand what they say… they’re handle time, rocks!
Hubby snuck a plastic spoon from the lunchroom, which he guards with his very life.
It helps him tremendously, as he digs out thru the ice, when it comes to quitting time.

Collaboration Carol and (Hubby) 

Details | Haiku | |

Funny Animals

Pack rats are hoarders.
Loopy rabbits hop a lot.
Silly skunks spray stink.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Duck of Waddlesworth

There was a duck in Waddlesworth
Who wore a silver hat.
And on the crown he wore a pin-
A diamond studded cat.

It's said pride comes before a fall
And he was vain, you see.
Because his beak was in the air,
One day he stepped in pee.

Now the day was just beginning.
The duck had many plans.
He'd scheduled for a manicure
Though it requires hands.

He shook off the offending wet
And strolled into the shop,
But he was chased off with a broom
Then bumped into a cop.

"Excuse me, Mr. Officer!
Pardon me!" he said.
Then he ruffled up his feathers,
And went to lunch instead.

Details | Rhyme | |

Pearl, You Are A Diamond

Pearl, you are a diamond
I guess she always knew it.
A proper little helper,
helping through and through it.

She never gives a cheerio
or leaving like a plane.
She's always there to scatter sunshine
Even in the rain.

Pearl, you are a diamond
That no one can replace,
Chocking back the throttles
Just like a necker-lace.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Sans Clothes

Only good looking young ladies get nude.
Everyone gets naked in order to bathe.
Only a far from sober redneck can get buck ass nekid.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Truth Of The Matter

Blither Blather,
Hecka Wrecka,
Titter Tatter,
Fiddle Faddle,
and Politics
are all
utter nonsense.

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Wee Wee Poem

Small is sometimes a good thing
However these words of wisdom I do not bring
The wee of the wise
Sometimes we look to the skies
Relief in our eyes
When we need a pee, we wee
Oui oui?

Details | Limerick | |

Wacko Wally

Wacko Wally says he will be a MC.
He claims that someday he will be on TV.
He practices in the park.
He drones on well after dark.
His public nuisance arrests now number three.


Details | Kimo | |


Laura would look great in a bikini
but she lives in Alaska
so it will not happen.

Details | Lyric | |

I whispered lightly as a rose

I whispered lightly as a rose
To grease my oily bagpipe,
And sniffing with her hairy nose
A dwarf flew into sight.

‘Pull down your flabby chopsticks, man.’
She ordered like a waiter,
And lowering my name to Stan
Got on all fours to cater.

‘I am Dame Doris Chucklebum.’
She laughed but half an inch.
‘I like things that are rarely done.’
Then stroked me with a pinch.

‘Take back thy sweaty chollocks, love.’
I pleaded like a pro,
And with a hefty boxing glove
Took on the lady so.

It lasted less than half a tick,
Less if you counted slow.
And with a little knowing trick
Fled fleeing on the go.

‘Come back! Don’t go!’ she wept with ploy,
‘I’ll change like Whitney Whopper.’
Enjoying but a little joy
And playing with her chopper.

Details | Light Poetry | |

One Night in Stroud

I stumbled drunkenly through Stroud
Passed the kebab van on the hill,
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of ladettes – taunting the old bill;
Just for a lark, just for a wheeze,
Flirting and dancing, dressed to tease.

Bedecked with bling, drinking cheap wine,
A clowder of cats out to play,
Perfume and bags by Calvin Klein
All you can eat slapper buffet.
Looking for violence not romance,
Tossing the V’s in fighting stance.

The plods approached askance, as they
Ignored them and crouched down to pee;
The deluge nearly washed away,
The council’s prized floral display! 
I gazed – amazed - at just how short;
Their skirts were and indeed how taut.

Often now – I sit down and cry
(Sometimes it puts me off my food) 
When I recall what I did spy
The female form so crass and rude;
Those harpies in search of cheap thrills,
Stooped - pissing on the daffodils.

(apologies to Mr Wordsworth)

Details | Rhyme | |

Poor Tortoise

I am a tortoise
With rigor mortis
I lived in a fortress
Where my walls were porous

I hate to be morbid
As I float out in orbit
But my owner tied me to a rocket
And now I head straight for Polaris

Details | Haiku | |

Zoological Obesity

Chubby fat hippo.
Big burly badass rhino.
Stout lout elephant.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Crow Say

What does the crow say?
“When I’m the farmer’s greatest
enemy, life sucks.”

Details | Haiku | |

Sunny Sonny

Sonny is sunny.
He is happy all the time.
What’s wrong with the boy?

Details | Limerick | |

Uglies In Love

Freda Cheda was a skank.
Her whole dang body stank.
Frank “Fugly” Ugly loved her anyway.
He thought about her night and day.
They got married and it was quite rank.

Details | Haiku | |

Beware The Skunk

Foam came from Pete’s mouth,
with a skunk biting his butt;
rabies on the run.

Details | Haiku | |

Negative Absurdities

You can’t hug a bug.
You can’t grapple with King Kong.
You can’t eat snot fast.

Details | Haiku | |

What Does The Cat Say

What does the cat say?
“That damn dog is getting on
my very last nerve.”

Details | Limerick | |


History repeats itself.
History repeats itself.
Did I say that?
Did I say that?
History repeats itself.   

Details | Limerick | |

In Praise Of Corduroy

Anyone can wear corduroy,
Whether you are a girl or boy.
It’s a fabric woven well.
Heading for heaven or going to hell;
Spend eternity all comfy in corduroy.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Little Ms Mommy

Little Ms. Mommy broke her tuffet. You know, that white porcelain thingy.
She sat down too hard and you can believe, that it broke every seam, completely.
Now snickers started about and around the house, but that’s OK… you see.
It had a crack she did claim, or so she exclaimed, or maybe two more or three.

But then again, the rumors traveled around, originating from the hardware store.
Then someone keeled over, he laughed so hard, and brought it to the news at four.
It’s one of those days, Ms. Mommy said, as she got her 15 minutes of fame.
But that’s OK; she was presented with a free, and ultra modern bidet, to claim.

Now this one will last forever and a day, since the buttons confuse her, so much.
And water can be a frightening thing, when you don’t expect it jetting, as such.
Now it became an amazing thing, as she built a private and heated, outhouse.
Anything, to get away, from the annoying thing, devouring her mind and house.

She’d never admit, how distraught she is, for fear, all the more, they would laugh.
The irony is, she’s happy again, as she blazes a path to her own little illustrious...

Details | Rhyme | |

One Hunch Of A Tale

My cousin owned a beagle,
A horny ol' dog;
He hunched everything in sight,
Even a hollow log

I looked out on the lawn,
What do you think I'd see?
That peanut-head canine,
Hunchin' on a tree

Hunchin' on a bicycle,
Hunchin' on a car;
Hunchin' on a porcupine,
Oh, what an awful scar!!

I woke up one morning,
Squeaks echoed through my head;
And wouldn't you believe,
He was hunchin' on my bed?!

He never rolled over,
Shake, fetch or beg;
But he could work up a sweat,
On the shin of your leg

One day I had enough,
I called my cousin on the phone;
I shouted loud and clear...
"He's hunchin' on a bone!!"

That's when I realized,
Milk and oil will never mix;
Once again I shouted out...
"Why don't you have him fixed?!!"

My cousin then replied...
"You know that ain't no good!"
"It wouldn't be right,
To take his manhood!"

One day we went fishing,
The sun was facing south;
That silly ol' hound, 
Started hunchin' a cottonmouth!

He took a fatal bite,
The snake struck him again;
Before we blinked an eye,
He bolted in the wind!

Deep within the forest,
Searching frantically;
We found our horny friend, 
As dead as he could be

The moral to this story,
Be kind to your pet;
If you're not a breeder,
Please call your local vet!


Details | Limerick | |

Baddy Paddy

Paddy O’Briar was a stinking drunk,
Who would get as doggone crazy as a rabid skunk;
Then he would dance a wee Irish jig,
Have sexual relations with a pig,
And spend a restless night on a jailhouse bunk.

Details | Haiku | |


It fell from the sky.
I have a knot on my head.
Dead pigeon falling.

Details | Haiku | |


Shemp was a real clown.
Curly was so much better.
What ‘bout Curly Joe?

Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode To The Toad

This is an ode to the toad
that hopped down the dusty road
looking for a new abode.

There was no reason to goad
the glistening slimy toad
out of its old dirt abode.

A snake chased the timid toad,
hunkered down in mother mode
and laid eggs in the abode.

While still hopping down the road
a truck ran over the toad;
thus, no need for an abode.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Leavit and The Muscrat Gang

Armadilly Billy needed repair work on the home, as he wanted to move in.
Asking around Troll Lake Town, the answer was Leavit, again and again.
A bit confused, he needed repairs; he couldn’t leave it, like they said, therein.
So he picked up the Acme phone book, and understanding, then, did begin.

It said: Levit T. Beaver for the best woodwork, to be found, anywhere around.
The rumor was: he was once a movie star, before retiring to Troll Lake Town.
He had the scruffiest crew, Billy had ever seen, inept in absolutely, everything.
Called: The Muskrat Gang, they were tied up in chains, yes, the whole shebang.

Doing time for trying to blow up Leavit’s dam, yep, a real, live, chain gang, bound.
Tho, they were really chained up, to stop them, from aimlessly scurrying all, around.
He thought to give them purpose, before he was through, and a new profession, too.
After they tried to empty Troll Lake, to scoop out all the fish, on one crazy afternoon.

What they got was better, as Leavit tried to teach them work, with all kinds of wood.
He stopped them, and saved some mice, lost in a boat, on the lake, on that day, too.
Oddly, love blossomed between Leavit and one of the mice, her name was Mary Ann.
He was lucky in love, as the other mice decided, to rent rooms, to stay, on his island.

Though he had to admit that Gilligan, Skipper, and the other mice WERE a tad, strange.
And as for the Muskrat Gang, well, they seemed, to pretty much, stay unchanged.
After serving their time, Levit T. Beaver, offered to hire them, to help him clean up.
All their scurrying, was perfect for this, as he paid them in their most, beloved fish.

With the Chains gone, a job and home found, they discovered crime did not pay.
So my Moral, my friend, is that in the end… Crime is Never the Way!

Details | Haiku | |

Snake Bitten

I stepped on the snake.
The snake struck me on my thigh.
I jumped off the snake.

Details | Dodoitsu | |

Cross Dressing

The devil wears a blue dress.
An angel wears a red dress.
Cross dressing has gone mainstream.
What color is yours?

Details | Rhyme | |

Hairy Aging

In some places I have no hair
In some places I have more hair
My eyebrows are getting more bushy
And so is my big fat old tushy

To the mirror I look with great fear
As nose hair grows longer and queer
Getting rid of it causes me pain
Nasal hair in me causes no gain

The top of my head is so bare
I'm getting to think life's not fair
To comb it to one side is silly
I feel like a silly willy dilly

In some places I have no hair
In some places I have more hair
My eyebrows are getting more bushy
And so is my big fat old tushy 

© 2013 Rick Zablocki
PD's Silly Poem Contest

Details | Limerick | |

Lonely Lou

Lonely Lou was no fool.
He went to an all-girls school.
The principal said: “What The Hey!”
He expelled the boy on his first day.
Lou did get a couple of phone numbers so now he’s cool.   

Details | Free verse | |

Redneck Hoop DeVille

Whenever you spot a hillbilly illegality is a possibility.
He’s speeding down the dirt road just as fast as he can.
He keeps switching lanes like some maniac mad man.
Buddy Joe done went and got in trouble with Johnny Law again.
Country boy has been selling rot gut whiskey out of his rusty car trunk.
Try as he might Buddy can’t outrun Smokey in his Redneck Hoop DeVille.

Details | Clerihew | |

Not, yet

I dreamt myself as poet-frog
And good Fancy` Fairy
Would stoop to pick my verse…
But she didn`t come.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Meal, A Movie, And A Date

A date with my Hubby is an amazing and a most wondrous thing…
It starts with the McDonald’s Dollar menu and then we grab and run, I say!
Then we’re off to the local Laundromat where the movie begins the fun.
Watching the wash, rinse, and spin cycle, keeps us glued all afternoon, to the fun!

And how do they insert those commercials, anyway, when the cycles change?
But this is all beside the point… on this: our Meal, Movie, and an illustrious Date.
And NO! He’s not a cheap skate… as by now you might have been about to think…
He’s helping me do my chores, and is beside me, all the way, making it rather fun!

How you ask, can this be fun? It’s in the time: we spend, while away, and what’s begun…
You see, I’ve a pen and paper, to write down funny poem ideas, that will come, what may!
What! You thought I made them all up… in front of my computer…  and all alone each day?
Really folks, I’m not that good, so as to keep making all them up… When I’m all alone!

I call this my little café spree, which was tailored just for me… They are so very riveting!
As I try to simply, write down everything…I bounce off of him, and he does bounce off me…
Laughter fills the air, and smiles creep in, don’t you see? And I bet you just can’t wait, my friends!
To see what we’ll do next…  In a meal, a movie, and a Date… On our café sprees!

Carol Eastman and Hubby 1-29-2014 For Contest: Cafe Musings

Details | Couplet | |

What A Sight

take a glance
at those pants
hanging down low
giving us a show

we laugh with delight
at the sight
while we stare
at your underwear

Details | Haiku | |

Tater Tots

Yum! Yum! Tater Tots!
Smush them real good in ketchup!
Love those Tater Tots!

Details | Haiku | |

Night Watchman

Not on my watch man!
No streaking! Put your clothes on!
That’s perverted dude!

Details | Dodoitsu | |

The Butterfly Flutters By

The butterfly flutters by.
I catch the little booger
and feed it to my pet toad.
No more butterfly.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Strange Bath Fella

I was enjoying myself in a bubble bath, as suddenly, a mouse dropped in.
Maybe I would of panicked, but she swam immediately, to the other end!
I suddenly felt so sorry for my, now clean, little, cutsey, mouse, that…
I stretched out my washcloth, by the edges, to lift her carefully, out, no doubt!

As she reached the rim, lickety split, she bounded out, so sweet.
And I settled down, again, to finish my enjoyable, bathy treat.
Suddenly, a thought arose… after getting her out, to my relief…
Suddenly I Shuttered, with the thought that, ‘what if she had pee’d’.

So I shot out of the tub, quivering all over… from head to toe.
I let the water out so fast, and scrubbed it with bleach, quite so!
Then, I called, to borrow, the neighbors tub… I was THAT freaked out! 
She said yes, and had quite a laugh, at the antics of my little mouse, fallout!

But heading over, I met someone, on the way… Yep! The MOUSE, again!
And how did I know it was, the one in the same, you say? Well, now, I can grin!
She had a fetching, little bubble bath hat! Yep! We’d both been trying to get away!
Poor little thing had been just as disturbed, as me, as we’d scurried about, that day.

So I turned back to my very own tub… Thanking God that my little friend …
Had definitely decided, not to stay! And here my tale does end!

For the: Reinvent Contest from ‘Strange Bathfellows’

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragons Penguins

Dragon really shouldn’t have borrowed the penguins, away from the Zoo.
Now he was their baby sitter at the lake, from morning till night, so true.
Not to mention a catasaurus was now stalking, his delightful little friends.
The Trolls volunteered their time, to help defend those cute ones, to the end.

He wanted to take them everywhere, wherever he could and had ever been.
Though most of those we’d been kicked out of… Well, here we go again.
First we passed our illustrious church, where the organ and voices rang on.
But as the penguins began to sing, it came out a screech, so I hurried them along.

Next we went to the local Ice cream Stand, where the Trolls devoured icy delights.
Brain freezes naturally ensued, so the penguins sat on their heads, what a sight!
The crowd applauded such an ingenious save, now penguin hats, are all the rage.
The Mayor gave them animal service vests, so in the news, he wouldn’t be upstaged.

This allowed them into the Mall, where lit fountains flow, a fascinating place, indeed!
Dragon became their slide, as the kids marveled at their fancy whoop-de-do deeds.
Next dragon herded them to a western shop, for sunbonnets, cowboy hats, and duds.
The mayor up for re-election, again, came along, and also got completely, gussied up.

Next was a candy store, where Dragon bought them a few, Yep, they’re like all kids.
A sugar rush ensued. Dragon reeled them in, before: who knew what, heaven forbid!
He even had to get them, out of the skylights, not easy for a bird that doesn’t fly…
But by directing them to the ice ring… he let them wear off their lengthy sugar high.

At the Mall Food Court, was sushi, and the children got to feed, the penguins they knew.
Naturally, the further they went, the more crowds ensued, until they bid the mall adieu.
But first they went to the bookstore, as yes, penguins like to read and be read to, too.
They’re now planning a penguin adventure book, ‘All the Things a Penguin Can Do’.

Then leaving the crowds, they went home on Dragon’s back, a lakeside nap, overdue.
Now I ask you very simply, if the penguins were yours to baby sit, so true…
Where, oh where, would you go… with such a precious little cargo, and you?

Details | Haiku | |

Can't Dance

Old King David danced.
I can’t, I have two left feet.
I can’t sing either.

Details | Limerick | |

Haughty Royalty

The Englishman Prince married a really high toned lady,
She was royalty too, so she was more than a little shady.
She looked like a horse and smelled like a cow,
But the pathetic Britisher married her anyhow.
All the kingdom’s subjects started praying they would never have a baby.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Communing With Nature

Dragon was watching the nature channel, and decided that… 
Communing with nature, is where, IT must really… be at!
He wanted to know: What nature is. What part is he? Is he more than that?
You’d think he’d start at home, but NO! He went to the park, of course! 
The park with it’s mowed lawns, and yes, where the pigeons are, in force!
He ran to an elderly man, feeding pigeons, from a bag, on a bench, of course.

The answer: we’re all part of nature, just nature prime, cause we’re smarter.
Each one’s unique, walk in others shoes, and the answers are there to garner.
Either, he didn't know the trouble he’d stir, or wanted a new story this week. 
I glimpsed a paparazzi camera, partially concealed, that he did quickly seek.
Dragon immediately chose the pigeons, and I knew this wouldn't be good.
Especially, when a wild pack of paparazzi suddenly and very quickly stood.

He picked pigeons, cause they fly like him and are slow at getting away.
Plus he’s banned from the Nature Area, after his flames burned it one day.
First he followed the pigeons and checked out everything they did eat.
He wasn't too impressed as breadcrumbs and birdseed were their treats.
Then they flew to the 5-tiered fountain for a splash and feather bath, today.
But they had to leave when Dragon joined them, toppling it clear away.

The commotion took them to tree limbs, that broke under Dragons’ weight.
The park benches fared much better, as they toppled backwards, I must say.
The bronze statue looked more hopeful, till the Park Sheriff came his way.
The Sheriff of Crazyland fussed and shouted, till they all flew quickly off.
But now, Dragon had perfected the pigeon technique: of drop a load and fly.
It as a shame the Sheriff of Crazyland, was waving and shouting so close by.

Gee! I never knew, that the Sheriff could blow steam, like our Dragon can.
Tho, apparently, Dragons’ is much hotter as the statue arm, melted and ran.
But Dragon complimented him on his steam anyway, as he deftly flew away.
I just stood there and shook my head… as there was going to be heck to pay!
Now… you know why the Sheriff and Dragon simply will never get along.
For the Sheriff has now made it possible for Dragon to commune with... 
‘The New Leash Law’.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Butch Hillbilly

I’ve got a little secret
that no one knows,
my nipples swell up
when a cold wind blows.
That’s why I live here in Dixie
where it’s usually as hot as hell
and wear a thick wool sweater
from when autumn begins
until spring rolls around again.
Not a single person knows my secret;
not even my closest friends,
although they look at me funny
every now and then.
My nickname is Turtleneck,
but I don’t know why,
I’m one heck of a nice guy;
but I can’t get a date
because the ladies say
I look like a butch hillbilly.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Sharknado, Thor, and Dragon

Jaws was once a frightening sight… Now Sharknados have hit the land!
And Dragon can’t wait to participate… To him it’s sushi on demand!
Lately, he’s become a bit put off, cause none have ever come near him.
But he won’t give up, cause we’re in tornado alley, don’t you know! Amen!

I almost had him believing me… That it’s a MOVIE and doesn’t, really exist.
Then, you know, a second one hit New York, now he’s really, totally, convinced!
He wants to be a Super hero, by stir-frying sharks, while they’re still up in the air.
He says, if Dragons are in movies and he exists, then, so do they… somewhere!

I can’t argue his logic, since his line-dancing penguins, are so hard, to explain.
I blocked the Sci Fi and movie channels. What else could I do? And that’s a shame!
He won’t give up on Sharknados! He’s ready, now! Yep! He really, hasn’t got a clue!
Tho I thought he was a tad bit gullible, even for a two-year-old Dragon… it’s true! 

But Grandpa Troll says Dragons are all like THAT, for the first few thousand years.
He saw ‘Dragon Heart’, on TV and thinks he’ll go to Drago when he dies. Oh Dear!
So I finally, out foxed Dragon, by telling him ‘Poseidon has reigned in his sharks…’
Unfortunately, our Sunday School Teacher, and Preacher were tsk’ing at that part.

I know! I could’ve explained it better, but he also believes in Thor! I just can’t win!
He watched that movie, too! And yes! He swears all lightening comes from him!
He couldn’t wait to meet Thor so flew off, in a lightening storm. Yep! Off he flew!
All because he wanted a turn to play with Thors’ trusty hammer…Mjolnir! It’s true!

Tho Dragons are tough, he got struck, and his pride and top notch were badly singed.
Now he’s mad, at the meany, Thor and says he WON’T EVER play with him, again!
But never fear… I am here, and won’t ever give up, on this, my never-ending quest.
Still Super Heroes have taught Dragon of truth, justice, the American way and trust.

At least, he doesn’t believe in Zeus, but it’s likely, because he’s not a Super Hero Star.
One by one, I’ll fix them all, before I’m driven to that squirrel nest, amongst the stars!

Details | Narrative | |

Gena The Geep

My name is Gena and I am an awesome geep.
Papa is Handsome Hank the tough old billy goat.
Mama is Curvy CeCe the lovely ewe sheep.
If I say so myself, I am a very gorgeous geep.
Every young billy goat bleats and every young ram sheep baas
their desire to top my firm rounded behind time after time.
All of the farm boys in the county fight over who will next milk
my gianormous voluptuous teets. Humans, they are so easy.
I draw the line at Dominic Donkey though, he is a real jackass.
I do love to tease Max Mule, the sterile old fool can’t even get it up.
I will only be young once and I intend to enjoy every minute of it.
Lust is my middle name. Love is my claim to fame. I am the queen.

For Animals Alive Contest  07/15/2014

Details | Lyric | |

No dogs allowed

All ye, all ye, all come free,  
hello everybody come party with me! 
We're going to rock this party to the morning light. 
We're gonna rock this party all day and all night!! Ooh! The fat 
cat's singing on the center stage and the cats are pouncing in a furry rage. 
So come on everybody let's join this crowd. Whoa! holdup the sign outside says
Outside says "No dogs allowed!" Bump, bump, bump, bump, badee, bump!.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Bats, Rats, Cats

Bats in the belfry.
Rats in the hall.
Cats sleeping through it all.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Santas Christmas Wish

Dear Santa,

Remember that wish, to spend time with Dragon, you wanted to come true.
Well, we’ve found a way to make that wish, for you, to really, come true.
Now, don’t expect anything to go in a very usual and in a controllable way.
With Dragon, things just don’t ever; seem to turn out simple, in any way.

Well it all started, as Dragon got worried about terrorists, problems, and all.
Yeah, I know they’re no trouble for you… No… They aren’t… Not at all.
But Dragon’s so young, and a touch worried, and as we’ve all come, to know.
He wants, to fly with you, in your magic slipstream, to protect you, you know.

But Dragon can’t fly very far or very straight yet, being only 2 years old, you bet.
And we don’t want him bothering you, or knocking you out of the sky, you bet.
We talked to McRaccoon, in his Las Vegas Dragon show; he too, wants to go.
And you see, his whole bunch of Dragons, want to fly, thru the air, with you, so...

They’ll fly in a V formation; it’ll make a great, thing to see, so you must, let it be!
Our Dragon will ride upon the leader, and others will carry others, please, let it be!
Make-a-Wish children all want to go, wrapped up snuggly with their papa’s so...
McRaccoon will document it with pictures, for every one’s wall, and you did wish…

Yes, for a Dragon meet and greet to start things off, and your elves can help, also!
The Trolls will be there, to help with crowd control, and to get an autograph, also.
To remember us all… Dragon got a St. Christopher medal blessed by the Pope.
The Pope will give it to you, as he blesses your trip, which brings peace and hope.

Oh, and he’ll give you a very ancient, beautiful cross, for the years you’ve served.
Yes, while teaching us how to give, celebrate, and serve… engulfed in God’s love.
I’ll give you a toy Dragon to hang on your beautifully, amazing Christmas tree. 
The elves say your manger set there…is truly a sight of wonder, to be seen.

What! You agree! Dragon and all will be so touched, so, Thank you so very Much!
Our Dear…Dear Santa Claus!

Details | Haiku | |

Sound Sleeper

He was sound asleep.
A worm crawled out of his ear.
That was real creepy.

Details | Limerick | |

Mr Bowman

There was a young man named John Bowman
Who was renowned as a bit of a showman
He practiced Yoga
Dressed in a toga
Convinced that he was a real Roman

Details | Narrative | |


i was just a kid the first time i met him
he borrowed my brand new wrist-rocket
and scampered off into the night, laughing like a ghoul
the sound of two young lovers on a beach, punctuated by howls of pain
the returning of footfalls and mad laughter
he had his fun, now it was time to party

i had no way of knowing this crazy man was to be in my life for many years to come
i had no way of knowing he would help shape who i was to become
he drug us from the beaches of Oregon to the deltas and forests of California
forever altering the path i strode upon

once, he had me and his son dig a 6X6 pit and bury him up to his neck
pre-emptive of him "Nutting up".
we fed him beer and fritos at his request... we unburied him after he came down
There are stories to be told that i cannot tell here.... but alive and fertile in my memories.
one day i will see him again and ask permission to tell some....
But it won't matter..... you wouldn't believe them anyway!!!!!

Details | Narrative | |

Lewd Octopi

While scuba diving I spotted a couple of octopi.
They were right in the midst of doing the nasty.
I immediately got the hell out of the water.
A guy was sitting there on the beach.
I told him about the two octopuses.
The old fart was a very learned professor.
He smugly informed me rather sternly
that the correct terminology was octopods.
I threw the well educated smartass into the water,
to my surprise he couldn’t swim and almost drown.
A quick thinking lifeguard jumped in and saved his sorry butt.
Some nosy busybody called the local constabulary
and I ended up spending a week in the local hoosegow.
That, good people, is my roundabout way of telling you
that my long time in coming vacation really sucked.

Details | Limerick | |

One Titty

There is a girl living in the city;
She was born with just one titty.
Her one tit is really big,
It kinda looks like a pig.
She’s free and proud and seeks no pity.

Details | Limerick | |

One Resolution

I had resolved one year,
To never again have a fear
But I feared sitting down,
So I walked all around
And that's how I ended up here.

Details | Rhyme | |

Duvet Day

It's warm beneath this duvet.
Outside it's cold and grey.
I wish I could roll over
And stay in bed today.
There's things I should be doing,
But if you'd let me choose
I'd stay beneath this duvet
And keep on pressing snooze

Details | Tanka | |

Ill-Fated Coin Flip

They could not decide,
so they flipped a quarter coin.
Terry won, Bob lost.
Bob had to date ugly Sue.
Terry had to date her too.

Details | Haiku | |

Moonshine Jamboree

Moonshine Jamboree!
A country boy’s fantasy!
A redneck party!

Details | Epitaph | |

Nancy Kay Lee - Witty Epitaph

~Nancy Kay Lee~ (1712-1752) Boston, Massachusetts Herein lies a lady by the name of Nancy Kay Lee Who just climbed a very tall tree. A twig caught up her dress 'round And she just fell all the way down. Dorian Petersen Potter Ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 10.4.2014

Details | Kimo | |

Strangely Weird

A long time ago somewhere over there
a strange man danced a wee jig.
Honkies are weird like that.

Details | Rhyme | |

Mum's Christmas Dinner

She stays awake for hours, cutting Xs in the sprouts,
Then peels all the tatties, a ton or thereabouts,
Slicing and dicing parsnips is next up in the plan,
Chops up carrots and a swede, and put them in a pan,
Mixes up her sage and onion and stuffs it in the bird,
Along with some pork sausage meat that’s been pre-prepared,
She takes apart the oven, to fit the turkey in,
Hangs it up with bits of string, there’s no room in the tin,
Wraps sausages in bacon, in case they catch a chill,
But makes sure they‘re all cooked thoroughly, so the family won’t get ill,
Cooks the bird for hours, while the table’s being laid,
With all the finest crockery (and some of lower grade),
Makes space around the table, brings in extra chairs,
Adorns the place with candles and other Christmas wares,
Lays out a Christmas cracker in everybody’s place,
Complete with rather tacky joke, no doubt of a straight face,
And brings out all the condiments, the pickles and the sauce,
The salt and pepper, the mustard and radish known as “horse”,
Next she makes the starter, the simplest course by far,
A cocktail made up of prawns and a sauce out of a jar.
The family then all piles in, and argues over seats,
The children are already full of chocolates and treats,
Grandmother is mumbling, “Kids should be seen not heard”,
Meanwhile back in the kitchen Mum’s wrestling with the bird,
She tries to carve up slices, but ends up with turkey chunks,
While Dad and Gramps have become a pair of Christmas drunks,
They start an argument about which wine goes with the meat,
And restless children run around, not staying in their seat,
Mother tries to keep her calm and bravely soldiers on,
But the roasties are all blackened and the sprouts are over done,
Mum enters the dining room looking very puffed,
She throws the turkey down and shouts ,“There you go! Get stuffed!”

18th November 2012

Details | Carpe Diem | |


Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.

Details | Sonnet | |

Vinnie, VD, Vichy-

I painstakingly take down reading list.
(I thought that our dear teacher surely gist.)
“Of Bison Men”, antiquity : out o’ print;
and “Batcher in the Fry”, a concrete  stint.

“Odious Night in Gail”, seen fit to ban – 
Perhaps by an old “RAD at Sky March” fan.
And “Cellphone flowers of yellow and green”, 
From “Loose'y in the Sky with Diamonds”, seen.

“You Lie, Sees” on top of list of sorcerers  –
Our Homers being the main baseball scorers.
“Vinnie, VD, Vichy~”: Dude ate too much 
I do not understand the rash and rush…

A cross all incontinence, without much flare,
there grammar mistakes is to much too bare.

1.	Bison: Prehistoric animal, now extinct. Also, Bison Men Street Fighter = movie;
        Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
2.	The Catcher in the Rye is a 1951 novel by J. D. Salinger
3.	Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats
4.	Radetsky March by Johann Strauss Sr.
5.	RAD – abbreviation of many interpretations; also, slang for “great”
6.	The actual line from “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” is: “Cellophane… “
7.     "Loose'y" is slang for cigarettes sold singularly
8.	Ulysses is derived from Ulixes, the Latin name for Odysseus, a character in ancient Greek literature. Odysseus also known by the Roman name Ulysses was a legendary Greek king of Ithaca and a hero of the blind poet, Homer's epic poem, the Odyssey.
9.	Julius Caesar said this when described how/what he did on his campaign. (veni (I came), vidi (I saw), vici (I conquered). Colloquially used by teenagers as an expression for conquests of the opposite sex. "Vichy" as in vichysoisse, a cold potato soup
10.	In the final couplet I vent my frustration with the incorrect usage and spelling which I often encounter in script; spelling and grammar which change the intended meaning of the text.
11. Written in: A quatorzain (from French quatorze, fourteen) is a poem of fourteen lines. Historically the term has often been used interchangeably with the term 'sonnet'. Various writers have tried to draw distinctions between 'true' sonnets, and quatorzains. Nowadays the term is seldom used, and when it is, it usually is used to distinguish fourteen line poems that do not follow the various rules that describe the sonnet. I followed the Shakespeare sonnet style with the volta at the COUPLET:"In Shakespeare's sonnets, however, the volta usually comes in the couplet, and usually summarizes the theme of the poem or introduces a fresh new look at the theme." ~ Wikipedia 

6 July 2013

Sponsor	Roy Jerden
Contest Name	Malapropisms and Mondegreens

Details | Haiku | |

Winter Mishap

I can’t feel my toes!
I’ve been walking in the snow.
I can’t feel my nose!

Details | Kimo | |

Kinky Linky

Two dogs were doing the kinky linky.
My son asked me: “What is that?”
Stone cold silence from me.

Details | Limerick | |

What'll I Do

“O’Reilly! …what’ll I do with Miss Glamour?
She’s me girl, but can no longer stand ‘er:
  -  Farts all the time
  -  for no reason or rhyme …”
That’s easy, mate … Buy a windjammer!

Details | Haiku | |

Skeeter Eater

The skeeter eater
is a right decent insect.
It eats the skeeters.

Details | Limerick | |

Circus Freak

His name is Gustavo Enrique Armand.
He’s big and burly but can still do a handstand.
He spent most of his adult life working for a circus,
Until the bearded lady kicked his big burly tuckus.
When he gets higher than a kite he dances a mean Can-Can.

Details | Villanelle | |

The Tree is Up-

The tree's up, though not looking very prim
its needles are shriveling and dying, 
so this Christmas is feeling kinda grim.

The cat destroyed the decorative trim,
she says not, but I just know she’s lying,
the tree's up, though not looking very prim.

With kid’s socks hung the house smells like a gym
and my wife's upset and won’t stop crying,
so this Christmas is feeling kinda grim.

Dog got the turkey so pickings are slim 
he just lays around hacking and sighing, 
the tree's up, though not looking very prim.

Strong winter winds are a scary prelim
to a blizzard as the snow keeps flying,
so this Christmas is feeling kinda grim.

I got up to check the lights on a whim
and found the extension cord was frying.
The tree's up, though not looking very prim,
so this Christmas is feeling kinda grim.

Details | Kimo | |

Hillbilly Slang

Y’all come back now, don’t ya hear me right now.
Yeah good buddy, ya betcha.
See ya on the flip flop.

Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”

Details | Clerihew | |

My only good poetry

While preparing 1001 soups
For the last night of this year
        I wrote a poem,
My only good poetry, ready to win the 1st Prize;
But I dropped it in…Soup.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Dumb Boaters

Some people got off the Dumb Boat, and came to work one day. Honestly!
Birds were quietly sitting in a tree! Someone couldn't help himself, you see!
Shouting ‘Run they’re terror birds of prey!’ The boaters’ got up and ran away!
Throwing others aside, they ran in the entrance door, screaming all the way!
He was joking, but couldn't believe! As there was more, I swear, you guys!
Groan! And I’m not talking about my work! No! Not at all! Honestly!

With no phones allowed inside, some dumb boaters hid them in their bras.
They were rather heavy set, and had on tight tank tops, He swears, you guys!
And what did they do, with those phones… set them on vibrate! Kid you not!
They went off! Hard to believe! He laughed till he cried, as they dug them out!
The only thing better, to EVER see, would be, one other tucked appropriately.
But honestly! And I’m not talking about my work! No! Not at all!

The dumb boaters went further, as one-showed exercises to the one on her left. 
Slipping into the isle, she did squats to the floor, in heels, only 6-inches high. 
His eyes bugged out! Tho, he gave her a 10 for her artistic, Olympic appeal. 
Things got, even better, as the days went on… Yes! This was for really, for real!
As one, spent days working hard to find, and press the illustrious, ‘ANY KEY!
But I’m not talking about My place of work! Oh! No! I swear! You see!

The bosses walked by, and eating is forbidden on the floor, each and every day.
One man had thrown chicken bones on the floor, and had sticky keys galore.
He licked his fingers, as he got up to fight! He’s NOT eating! Yeah! R.I.G.H.T!
Security tried to take him out, but with slippery fingers, he quickly, got away.
A broken chair graveyard was now to be found, a Sargasso Sea, of the bent and lost.
Apparently, the chairs don’t fit perfectly, and the levers don’t seem to EVER work!

The dumb boaters, try to fix them, by jumping, on the chairs, up and down.
Would be better, if they’d listened to what He said: TURN the LEVER! OK!
Once when the power went out: They started screaming ‘We’re lost! We’ll die!’ 
‘Someone help us! Get us out!’, Crying and yelling at the top of their lungs…
It all stopped, when the lights, came on. The back up generator saved the day!
Now, I’m not talking about My place of work, he said, as he laughed until he cried! 

And he can’t believe ANY of this! No! Not at all! NO WAY!

Collaboration of Carol and Hubby

Details | I do not know? | |

Valentine's Day

so, the frenzied hunt is on,
for that perfect gift,
that unique something,
for that special someone.

Heart-shaped chocolates,
diverse species of stuffed animals,
gold and silver anklets,
carefully trimmed bouquets,
painstakingly worded cards,
gift vouchers, moonlit dinners,
cruises, picnics, breakfasts in bed.

Gosh, I’ve got to run,
I’ve just thought of exactly,

exactly what my cat will love…

Details | Light Poetry | |

Litigious Society

A cat ate a mouse
that had been poisoned by a man,
and the cat died.
The owner of the cat sued the man
for killing her cat.
A jury of his peers ruled
that the death of the cat
was a clear case of justifiable homicide.

Details | Rhyme | |

A Bullfrog And A Butterfly

A bullfrog and a butterfly both chanced upon each other.
‘My dear, you are an ugly beast!’ the bullfrog dared to utter.
‘Why froggy,’ gasped the butterfly, astounded by his words.
 ‘My beauty is unparallel while yours is so absurd!’
‘Ha – ha! Ho – ho!’ laughed froggy so, and with a knowing look, began to tell the butterfly about a guy called Chuck.
His name was really Annabella, a princess not a common fella.
The fairest in the fairest land. with skin of silk and hair of sand.
‘This princess had a Stepmom, queer,’ whispered froggy in old butty’s ear.
She was in fact a wicked witch, who once threw Anna down a ditch,
And with a hocus – pocus spell turned Anna into a frog as well.
Then leaving on her horse and broom she bode poor Anna a life of gloom.
To which the girl did not respond, instead she went and found a pond,
And there she stayed alone and blue and ribbit-ed like froggies do.
Until one day a handsome prince called out towards his squire Vince,
‘young lad remove me from this saddle so i can yonder off and paddle.
And so the squire did as was told and copped the Prince a mighty hold,
Allowing him as Princes are, to paddle eating caviar.
‘Oh woe is me!’ the prince spat out. ‘This caviar has got no clout. It’s only good enough for Ted. The dog i left at home in bed.’
‘What i need is some tasty meat, cuisses de grenoville – a frog to eat.’
Just then, not hearing what was said, poor Anna popped up and ribbit-ed.
‘Please save me from this rotten hell. A kiss is what will break this spell.’
But Anna’s words fell on deaf ears and left her very close to tears.
For Princey in his Royal haste swept Anna up to have a taste,
and there above his hairy lips, Anna dangled from his fingertips.
'Goodbye you glumptious grotty frog, prepare to go inside my gob.'
But Anna, being quick as quick, knew something of a party trick.
And stretching in a ballet pose she swiftly bit off half his nose.
'Oh sacra bleu!' the Prince spat out. 'This creatures eaten half my snout.
My handsome hooters all but gone! A prince without a schnauzers wrong.'
Young Vince, his squire had up till now, been watching like a dozy Cow.
When suddenly, with one big volley, he knocked poor Anna off her trolley.
'Take that!' you nasty noshing frog. He said, as Anna hit a log.
'No froggies gonna eat my mate,' he parried, getting quite irate.
and ending with a little flurry, like Ali, only in a hurry.
The wicked spell was somehow broke, and Anna not a froggy spoke.
'Oh what a simply horrid guy you are to make a Princess cry.
For Princess that is what i am, and not some froggy from Japan.
My wicked stepmom cast a spell and wished that i would rot in hell.
But luck is luck and who would knows, by chomping on your bosses nose,
I'd once again be Annabella. A Princess not a froggy fella.
The moral, and I'm sure I'm right, is goodness always comes out right.'
The words that prissy Princess spoke, did nothing for that Princey bloke,
For having lost his Royal beak, he had no time for moral speak.
Instead he took his vorpal sword and snicker snacked the lousy broad,
displaying as he liked to do, the courage of his 'derring- do! 

Details | Haiku | |

Hillbilly Haven

Putin came to town.
It was filled with hillbillies.
They kicked his dang ass.

Details | Narrative | |

Momma's Fancy Laced Boots

    Momma went trappin' till noon,
fer Ring Neck Ducks ~ en gone fishin',
        also trappin’ fat coon…
so she was a dragin' er ole’ berlap
full - of game, as well, 'like money in…
'er til' ~ by thee light, of ay full moon...

     Seven siblings doin' chores causin'...
       Momma needed money so soon,
    Grandpa en a Pop'a were a knockin'
   down all those logs - for Coors, quickly

    Momma chasin' chickens, while rescelin'...
in there pen, en a sloppin' with all them hogs,
why she was buzy a slippin' en a slidein'...
into a sink hole, an a trippin' over pa’ pa's logs,
frogs were a jumpin', an a hopin'
   right through her hands...

    While Grandpa was a brewin',
good ale, a good tale fer Kentucky mash...
fer what she longed fer sure,
Momma ney're could save 'er cent of cash,
ner're enough mash-ale fer er dough, unerring
though ~ down to her country-store...

  She went one misty ~ foggy mornin'...
into one of her swamp boats, all traps
all bottle ale, so Momma went a paddlin'...
           certain, per'aps
fer her new pair, so needin’ of them
   ere fancy laced ~ Combat Boots

   “Now remember to call your Mom too”

Details | Free verse | |

Colder than How cold is it

I never want to touch one                                                                                             Do they wear brass                                                                                                       Never dug a well                                                                                                    Never sat on an iceberg                                                                                            Penguin's not touching that                                                                                              I can wait on the shovel                                                                                                Don't have an ex-wife                                                                                                    Not kissing her mother                                                                                                Ha Ha never seen lawyers with hands in their own pockets                                                I have never cut class that way                                                                                       I have never got ice cream from a cow

Details | Rhyme | |

Jerry And Tom

Jerry was running from Tom
The day it all went down
A mouse had the upper hand
And one cat wore a frown

On a quest with his mallet
As good as being in dark
That mouse was hard to get
Evading without one mark

Things were good for Jerry
He could always run away
Tom did what he always did
Plan for yet another day

Details | Rhyme | |


I'm so smart I can fool myself
but I'm too stupid to figure me out
pull back the curtain remove the doubt
I think therefore, I am over qualified
and that is why you work at this place
now stop pretending to be a stupid case
that's just plumb dumb, where is your thumb?

Don't believe everything you think
but thoughts become things
Red Bull gives you wings
don't forget to read the label
if your judgment is stable, are you able?
if indeed you are Able, then I am Cain
if I am Cain and the apple is ripe
can you tell me what type?

sugarcane, hurricane or cocaine?
Abraham was guilty only of raising Cain
pop the cork drink champagne
midnight rendezvous again at twelve
de-ja vu
pop the cork drink champagne
midnight rendezvous again at twelve
vu-ja de
so, how does it feel
to be back on the hamster wheel?
does that make sense?
a lot of NONSENSE

Details | Limerick | |

Midnight Lover

He pocketed the ring and sidled over
Temptation too much for this old rover
     When kissing wife “goodnight”
     Cold sweat beading and fright
Realising band lost at midnight lover

Details | Light Poetry | |

Maybe Not A Meal

It’s not a steak, it’s not a ham.
It may be the carcass of Sam-I-am.
Then again it might be spam.

Details | Lyric | |

Hard to Forget

Hard to Forget
Earie the  mournin I had the cock screw
At the aftunun, I washed the sunnin gay
Im just wanderin ova evrytin
Evry momen we shed in our useful days

Hoe kan I stop to lovin ye (no...w)
Hoe kan I cease to make ye hapi
 Hoe kan I resixt ye in ma laive (that's why)
I'll holeways loaf ye delhi

Steel remembrin when we melt
Steel remembrin tins we shed 2 gender
Hoe suit those day we spent worse
Hoe wail down memo lane to bring on the murder...


I kan't just forgate evrytin...
I steel rememba well we melt
I steel rememba the time we shed
I steel rememba... evrytin evrytin


So is tru the world is mall
I kan't beliv I fall in lob
Yeah I fall in  and fet no same
Is there any crown in being in lob?

Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
For I'm in love ooooo
This is hard to forgo. 

For: Roy Jerden's Malapropisms and Mondegreens Contest

Details | Narrative | |

Getting Old

As I sense the daylight strut through my mind,
I open my Squint's just enough to find,
one more day on this circle called Earth.
only 20,125 since the day of my birth.

I pull myself up with creaks and groans,
not stopping once until I've reached my thrown.
Start, Stop, Start, Stop life has played a trick it seems,
making this function that should be simple,
most difficult for me.

My friends all tell me age is just a number,
and I couldn't agree more.
20,126 and counting as my feet hit the floor.
Start, Stop, Start, Stop prostate exam on the 5th,
why, this growing old isn't all that hard as I take one more barium sip.

The hair is diminishing on the top of my head,
but growing in my ears someone once said.
The wrinkles on my for head that once never showed, 
20,127 just a roadmap to go.

It use to be my youth was free, careless, casual, and wild.
now in my old age I'm sorry to say;  I 'm out dated, out witted and out styled.
so to be apart of the elderly,
you have to be a bit bold.
just get use to the fact for the rest of your life,
you'll always be getting old.

Details | Free verse | |

Missing sock mystery solution

One of the biggest mystery's 
Known to man that makes no sense to me
Is why when washing a pair of socks
You can only ever find one
The solution don't buy just two socks but three
One for the sock fairy and a pair for us
End of the mystery.

Case closed mystery solved.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.July.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Father Day Gift From Dragon

Father’s Day was coming and Dragon was already, in full mode.
Hubby was his Hero, a true Papa, like in every story ever told.
Everyone was talking about what’s, to be, their Papa’s Day gifts.
Yep, TV salesmanship had done, on Dragon, a great big, mighty trip.

It had to be a secret, so Grandpa Troll would be the one to supervise.
Hubby’s sacred workshop, found itself, in the making of the prize.
It had to be both: useful, yet, perfect in our little Dragon’s eyes, so… 
He picked a brand new, blinged out toolbox, his hands would supply.

Yep, naturally, mayhem ensued, as he ran out of kiddie glue, too soon!
Grandpa Troll turned away, only a moment; it’s true, as Dragon, well…
He picked up a ‘HUGE BUCKET’ of illustriously strong, Gorilla Glue! 
He’d blinged out the handle, not thinking, of it’s need to be held, on to.

When he picked it up, the bobbles came unglued so he proceeded to redo!
Yes, using the Gorilla Glue! He slathered it greatly, with a big paintbrush.
It dripped all over, till the open, folding compartments, were solidly stuck.
But they’d never have closed, anyway, with so much bling! Good Luck!

Dripping glue, from the brush, stuck hammers and all, to the new bench top.
Including Grandpa Troll, when he tried to free them, by chiseling them up.
Grandpa Troll, made a mistake, by reading the can, by holding it to his face.
Dragon just then, turned around, knocking the contents, all over the place!

Surely, you knew that was coming! Can’t tell me! You surely didn’t know!
Yes, as Grandpapa Troll fell over backwards, he got stuck now, to the floor!
The can came backward, knocking him on the head and stuck, to his forehead.
He was soundly knocked out, as Dragon knew his goose, was definitely dead.

Dragon got the idea to melt the glue, by adding a little of his fire, to the tools.
Gee, it didn’t melt! Who would have ever known? I wouldn’t have had a clue!
But now, there were great big gobs of flaming Gorilla Glue, on the bench, too.
Fortunately, the ceiling fire extinguishers, rained down on this parade, today!

But then, the glue puffed up, growing in the rain! A problem, don’t you think?
Now, in total panic Dragon decided, the fire extinguisher, off the wall, to take!
He let lose the nozzle, spraying slippery foam everywhere, even on the stairs!
Well, at least it ended better than it did last year. Yep, definitely by compare!

Hubby was shocked as he ran down the stairs, but then slipped, and well…
He’ll be out of traction soon, and I won’t tell him of his tools death knell. 
His woodpile’s water logged, and stuck in a glued up mushroom cloud.
But on Father’s Day, Dragon knows: that his Papa will be so very proud.

And the Toolbox is priceless, with it’s stories about the Gorilla Glue foam.
Yes, we’ll replace everything, clearly, before his Papa DOES, get home.
What finally happened to Grandpa Troll? We won’t ask and he won’t tell!
Moral to the story: NEVER underestimate the trouble Dragon can entail!

In parting: Happy Father’s Day… to all of you… my Friends… out there!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Fire and Brimstone

I was giving a lesson on the Liberty Bell, as the daily Church bells went off.
Yes, you guessed it, Dragon wanted to ring them, suddenly he was aloft.
Before we could follow, he was out of sight, but that didn’t matter, anyhow.
The only steepled church, with bells, is on the other side of town, I vow.
Time was against me, as I hurried, for my Dragon, had been quick, my friend.
It took only a moment, for him to get in trouble as, yes, he surely did, again!
At the Belfry, he found no bells; they’d gone to canned sounds, the week before.
He was so intent on finding their location, that he opened the belfry trap door.

Tail in the air, head thru the trap door, Dragon fell and became completely, stuck!
Worse yet, Wednesday’s service was going on, the church was packed. My luck!
Imagine preaching fire and brimstone, as a Dragon appears, puffing fire and smoke!
He disturbed the peace… as he yelled for help, with a crazed and mighty roar.
Instead of help, he got a whopping, from the cane of, dear old lady Moore.
She was protecting everyone, as they tried, to make it out of the doors.
Now, Dragon panicked, as he knocked the steeple belfry, partially loose.
An earthquake knocked a few, off their feet, as dragon tried to get loose.

This became the best fire and brimstone service the preacher ever gave!
The sermon rocked, as a parishioner blew the fire extinguisher in Dragon’s face!
Dragon began to sneeze and cough. Yep, it was a whooping, big mistake!
Now, people began to panic, and blocked every exit there was, to take!
I needed to get in, to stop this, before anyone could, truly get hurt!
The neighborhood witch had followed, and as she laughed all heard!
She loved us as neighbors, for we tickled her funny bone, every night.
I implored her to save the day, for a lot of lives were definitely, in plight.

She was very inventive, you know, to turn him into an itty-bitty, dragonfly.
Now, he finally escaped, though he sneezed and coughed for a very, long, time.
The preacher’s sermon went viral, as time immortal, famous, he became.
But old Lady Swanson came too close, as her favorite, go to meeting hat…
Well, you can say, the hat everyone hated to sit behind… It went up in smoke!
That day became known, in infamy, as the only one, Dragon went to Church!
I didn’t pay the witch’s price, to make him big again. She said it wouldn’t be wise.
Just leave him like that, till the mob simmers down. He can pay his own price.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Not Well At All

Runny Nose,
Real Sore Butt,
Suck It Up.

Aching Toes,
Stiffened Knees,
Do Not Cry.

Burning Ears,
Busted Lip,
Tough It Out.

Swollen Nuts,
Cannot Piss,
Feel Your Pain.

Details | Rhyme | |

Mario VS Luigi

My name is Mario and I have an ingrate for a brother, his name is Luigi.
Even though our games are in my name, he's always had it better than me.
He needs to be taught a lesson and it will be left up to me to teach.
The sorry bastard takes everything, he even married Princess Peach.
He always got all of the attention from our father and mother.
Now he wants our games to be called the Super Luigi Brothers.
He went over my head and asked Nintendo to change the title.
I'm so pissed off at him that I'm starting to feel homicidal.
I sued Hollywood Pictures in 1993 because they did something that really made me mad.
When they filmed the Super Mario Bros. Movie, they made me old enough to be Luigi's Dad.
I deserve seniority because I've been in more Nintendo games than Luigi.
I was in Donkey Kong and years later I was in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out as the referee.
Luigi had better learn that I will not take his sass.
If he doesn't shape up, I'm going to kick his Italian ass!

(This poem was inspired by the Super Mario Bros. Games.)

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Slayer, No

Dragon Slayer! Dragon Slayer! Just say it isn’t so! Just Look at that cutesy face! 
Behind the scary teeth, fire, and smoke… Choke…Ah… he’s gentle to embrace!
Moody, sulky, get even-ish, is truly he. But to have him, is so cool… and so hot!
And, I truly do mean Hot! Fire retardant suit’s a must, as there’s fire… often, a lot!

He’s just a baby, waiting to be taught. I tried to teach him, how to fly me thru the air.
Instead, he dumped me in a treetop, it took all day to get down, until I despaired.
To help me down, he lit the tree afire, as his wings errantly fanned the roaring flames.
I jumped, and he smiled a toothy grin, because I was safe, he steadfastly claims.

I’m on crutches, nearly bent his tail. But he loves me, you can tell, see he puffs at me!
Grandpa Troll gives us time out, when there’s a tiff, as my dragon, is petulant, you see.
At times, he sits across the lake from me, blowing fire and smoke ¾ across the lake.
He’s such a sensitive thing, he took my couch to the lake, upon sitting, it did break.

I got upset and called him fat…he tried to steam me, as fire is such, a No- No.
For, he had learned to not throw fire… at least when Grandpa Troll is, there, tho…
He needs to be first, the center of attention, seen in his cunning life’s plots, galore!
He taught my Trolls a happy dance, while waiting their first boat ride. Silly Dragon!

They sunk my boat! It's believed, he was getting even for being last in line, you think?
And he stomped off, perturbed, when told no more rides until the boat is unsink-ed.
He’d been last, for breaking my roof for another (fourth) time, but it will soon be fixed.
You see, he gets lonely, while waiting for me, to come outside to play, the little minx!

He CAN be hard on insurance, as I got cancelled and my bills are higher than a kite!
And when the Supreme Leader of the Universe, came to our picnic on a motorbike…
Dragon, accidentally, released his Dogs of War, while sitting on his Harley Bike.
Honestly, the flat tires can be fixed, the body unbent, and the spokes were given back.

I explained they weren’t HIS toothpicks… he truly looked sad as sad can be, at that.
Never fear, we caught the Dogs of War before they had time to… do great harm.
You can just imagine how great this dragon will eventually be, when all grown up.
Dragon Slayer, indeed! Grandpa Troll gave him to me. He’s sweet as sweet can be! 

Details | Footle | |

The Pope's Faux Pas - Footles

The Pope Trips
The Pope Drops His Ferula
The Pope Gets Caught in His Robes
August 18, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

A 'LITTLE' Black Dress

Never wear a little black dress that looks in distress or to compressed
it should always impress and softly caress. 

If you wear a small but your a triple X and the length just fits under your derriere
you will surely start to unpack and start to attract.

Sitting is a challenge as you start to scoot down
you know your on a countdown and hoping for no breakdown.

At last you've hit touchdown as you take a deep breath
Only to hear a snap and pop as something starts to unlock from your famous squat.

Your self esteem has just dropped as you start to rock
from side to side you sway 'Do I sit or do I stay' as you start to pray.
                                                                                                                         With great poise and hoping for very little noise
You race for the door knowing you have to abort
taking the tablecloth with you as you deport.

1/25/15      T Reams

Details | Couplet | |

Univocalic rant

A vast rant can last and mask a task                                                                                a paragraph alas chants as a vacant flask                                                                         Mass ask as a gas and pass a glass at last                                                                       a tall mast as jazz blasts and all stand fast                                                                        Past that an A flat and as day casts a bad ray                                                                    Say nay and bray play away calm as a bay                                                                     Blatant fragrant may cart away a vagrant                                                                         as a stray and array a lad mad as a lay cant

Details | Rhyme | |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar

Details | Couplet | |

Diamonds in the sky - A girl's starry friends

a world changing impact a horrific explosion leaving a crater sixty two miles wide                loss of life can not be estimated an asteroid slams into Russia's countryside        -                               -                                                                                          But It may be the death of a diamond cartel for this event happened long ago                    and far away leaving diamonds all over this giant diamond clustered  bowl              -           -                                                                                                                           Trillions of carats fell more best friends than a woman could ever wear                            diamond remnants scattered from the sky is why cartels beware                         - John Beam

Details | Haiku | |

Affairs of my pocket book

Perz got votes

Congress notes

I’m still broke

Details | Light Poetry | |


What do I have to do, to get some respect, at my poetry place?
I get rude comments from my nemesis, KatSkills, every single day!
How does KatSkills steal my ideas for my best poems, anyway?
How does she know to enter every contest I do, with my ideas, I say? 

And why does Dragon always giggle, when of this, I do complain?
It seems a bit strange… There’s something, I don’t know? You say?
At least, my cat stays close, soothing me, as my words begin to flow.
Then Dragon and Kitty were behind the curtain wall, in a free-for-all!

As Hubby pulled the curtains back, you’ll never guess what we saw!
Ms. Kitty was in Dragons’ lap with a computer keyboard in her paws!
What? She’s my nemesis KatSkills! Well! What do you think of that?
She’s stealing ideas from Hubby and me, and plaguing me? Ah! Drat!

Dragon’s wasn’t getting famous, fast enough, so he hired her to write?
Now, he’s driving her crazy, as he plagues her, every day and night?
He changes the stories, and never stops complaining. You do say?
But hitting Dragon with a keyboard, won’t solve that, today or any day!

Dragon’s nemesis, The Sheriff of CrazyLand, wants to hire her away?
This keeps getting, better and better, is all that I can say! But it’ll be OK.
Being over-whelmed, we took her under our wing, with advice, so sage.
Apparently, it takes a village, to keep a cat, happy and satisfied, today. 

We sent her to the Sheriff of Crazyland, on a weeks’ vacation, to abide. 
She’ll be writing for great food, more attention and new toys, I surmise. 
Distance makes a heart grow fonder, and a vacation from Dragon is OK. 
And school will be starting soon, so she’ll be back and full of kitty play. 

Then tutoring her on poetry, will help her to, steal our hearts away.
Besides, you can’t keep a good writer down, not KatSkills, anyway! 
Uh- Huh! No way! It’s true! And with that, I bid you a fond adieu…
From Katskills, Dragon, and even us… For another day, so true… 

Details | Quatrain | |

New Handcuffs

New Handcuffs
We had taken our boys out to a theme park one day
They could run around wild and burn some energy away
On the return trip from the gift shop they did ask to buy
A plastic sword, a shied and a pair of toy handcuffs, I didn’t ask why.

Two days later they asked if their friend could come to play
“Of course not a problem” is what I did tell them that day.
Within few minute they came to find me, they were crying
Their friend was in the handcuffs, they can’t release him although trying.

Each turn of the key to unlock the offending restraints
Instead of unlocking them it tightened them, to his little complaints
I put all three boys in the car and drove to the local fire station
To find it was a part -time one, it was a deserted location.

A cleaner I spied working hard, so I did ask help from him
"Go to the police station" he said, giving me a wink and a grin.
A bit strange I thought but only for a little while
I had to free this child, so I said “goodbye” with a smile.

This young boy now with tears in his eyes 
Looking so lost and afraid, which is no surprise
Into the Police station I walked feeling really bold
"Can you please free this child? You have cutters I am told."

A big burly officer looked, and then he walked up to me
Took one look at the child and said sarcastically
“We will fetch a female officer to sit with the boys
“While you come with me, and explain a child, in sex toys…”

“What on earth are you babbling about my good man?
Just unlock and free that child as fast as you can”
“I’m sorry madam” said he “but there’s questions to ask”
“Why did you lock a child in handcuffs? What was to be your task?”

“My good man what are you suggesting, that I locked him in?”
“Don’t be absurd are you stupid?” He just gave me a grin
Another officer entered with three pairs of bolt cutters so big
The poor child nearly fainted, he had little arms like a twig.

I asked them not to scare him, he was only a boy
They told me they still needed to know about the sex toy
On freeing the child they took the three boys away 
They asked them who had locked him up, and was it in play.

My then ten year old son admitted he had done the deed
He didn’t think it was wrong, he thought he could be freed.
Finally satisfied enough, they let me leave with the boys
With a tap on the shoulder the policeman urged me to buy
                                                             ‘padded sex toys.’

© ~GG~ 5/12/2012

An oh so true story lol

Details | Haiku | |

All About the Music: The Infinite Magic of Lyricism

Pop may be catchy
But not lyrically deep
Case in point: Chris Brown.

(N.B. Poem written after hearing "Don't Wake Me Up")

Details | Limerick | |

Tone it down to ''at least for the duration''

Time does our earth presence sever
But the post office is clever  
And offers for sale
For its eternal mail  
A stamp that is good forever

Author's note: The idea that anything associated with this planet will be consumed "forever" is peculiar and laughable.  It is also destructive in that business holds the truth in shadows.

Details | Free verse | |

Housework apathy

Housework what a chore
I refuse to do it any more 
My poor hands have blisters 
And my hands are sore
Oh my what a bore.

The more you do
The more you find
It's such hard work
And I don't have the time.

Some peoples houses are like a show room
Mine A sty
Think I was born without the tidy gene
I'm just a man who doesn't clean.

Antique pizza found under the coach
But how I wish I had a tidy house
Piles of books everywhere
If anyone came they couldn't find a chair.

I tried housework some years ago
But what I let myself in for I didn't know
I bought every cleaning substance known to man
I stood proud with a mop and bucket in my hands
You used to be able to look out of the windows and see the trees
I cleaned and scrubbed on my knees
I threw loads of stuff away. It seemed I was cleaning night and day.

Oh how I hate throwing things away
I keep everything thinking
It will come in handy one day
But it never does.

Oh won't someone come and clean for me
I can't help it I'm such a busy bee.

A man's work is never done
Not because we do any
Because it's far from fun
No we just think about it
And think some more
Oh why is housework such a chore.

''Not a true story, but I avoid it as much as poss''.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014. July.
And now I'm sat here tired frustrated
In my apron and rubber gloves

Details | Free verse | |

Nathaniel Bains

Nathaniel Bains was a kindly man but had little brains
He was as skinny as a lat
Lived in a small country village
And a bird nested in his tall top hat.

Nathaniel resembled a scarecrow his clothes were well worn and mucky
Although  a pleasant man he was born so unlucky
When he was two he fell in a well 
And the locals complained because he smelled
When he was three he fell from a tree when he was four he fell on the floor
Poor Nathaniel couldn't do anything right
A walking disaster
But like a good man prayed each night.

When Nathaniel grew up he was nearly seven foot tall
And could peer over the tallest wall
And pick apple off the trees
Until he got stung on the bum by a swarm of bees.

One day in march or may Nathaniel entered a competition 
And sent off  his entry straight away  the prise a cruise
Nathaniel thought he couldn't lose.

Weeks passed by and Nathaniel forgot
If he'd won or not until postman Egbert with letter in hand
Shouted ''Nathaniel''a letters arrived you have won first prize''
Nathaniel never had a letter before and had someone read it by the door.

The village folk were so excited they invited Nathaniel to the squires mansion
And had a ball. hip hip hurrah! our Nathaniel has won a prize and is unlucky no 
more went up in a mighty roar.

Nathaniel packed his old tatty suitcase and the village folk went with him to see 
him off at the Southampton Docs they waved as the ship set off
But poor Nathaniel wasn't lucky and everyone panicked

It was a prize of a cruise on the Titanic!.

The village folk were so sad he was a pleasant lad and not that bad
They erected a statue in his honour in the town but even that fell down.

Some say sometimes you can still hear Nathaniel whistling as he passes in the 
Town after the sun goes down

''Idea came to me in a dream.''

Peter Dome copyright.2014. July.

Details | Rhyme | |


I tried to cross the lawn this morning 
From my house, out to the street
In hopes that I could find a place
Where I could get a bite to eat

Boy, this grass grew fast and tall
It looks like it could reach the sky
And the droppings from the dog next door
Got to be a mile high

Another soggy wet Newspaper
Just laying in my way
I wish the kid would learn to throw
And reach the porch, some day

Across the lawn I stagger 
'Till I reach my favorite plant
I guess it's just another day
In the life of this here, Ant

Details | Limerick | |

Hold This

Caesar to Brutus (in strife):
“I fear you’ve taken my Life …”
-	I thought you meant
-	It would be lent,
When you said: “Here … hold my knife”

Details | Light Poetry | |

Cloud 9

Get off of my cloud
In this moment I own it
At least for right now 
And do not worry
I shant let thee fall
Whereas, merely I am three feet off the ground
But, soon my hope shall be set ever higher 
Then, thou canst stay alittle while longer
Until then, get off of my cloud

Details | Light Poetry | |

Enlightenment of The Kung Poo Master

The Kung Poo Master, he literally, lives the ancient art of Kung Poo.
He senses and knows, before you do, that’s there’s going to be a poo.
Living with depths of concentration: that we can truly, only surmise.
He deals in a life beyond us, though less ethereal, than some guys.

I found him on the Internet, where everything is always, really, true.
For 19.95 he said, he’d solve our problem of the lively problem, poo.
He usually deals with children, who hate their potty buckets, so much.
But, in my case, it’s my roses, the dragon claims to depths renowned.

Now, I offered him my fire retardant suit, in case his plans went south.
But he just bowed his head and looked at me, like I was really nuts.
I hadn’t exactly told him he was dealing with a dragon, at this time.
For whenever, I tried to tell him; more ancient proverbs, left his mouth.

When introduced to the Dragon, a tug of war on proverbs did ensue…
Now at this point, let me remind you that my dragon really, hates to lose.
In the end with teeth a gleam, we were informed in no uncertain terms…
That master or not, the dragon really loved his creative, rosy showy art.

So as the dragon blew smoke smugly, in the Kung Poo master’s face.
The Master lost his cool, and his statuary, peaceful view, of higher grace.
But kicking a snidely dragon in the butt, is really worse, than being cool.
So, it took all day of screaming cuss words from the singed Master Poo…

As our Trolls not so artfully, finally shook him out of our tallest treetop. 
But never fear, he’s still alive, for he fell in an artful pile of dragon poo.
Now I fear the Kung Poo Master’s feelings, were by now a tad bit bruised.
For as I ask him, his next moves, he incredulously, threw me into the poo.

But this was nothing new to me, with a dragon, and a fire retardant suit on…
The idiot Kung Poo Master, then declared we should promptly, wash him off…
Yep, the dragon added insult to injury, as a stream of pee, rained on his parade.
In the end, the Kung Poo Master, didn’t solve anything, but I paid him anyway…

For where can you be so entertained, for so cheaply, in this day and age?
But strangely he left a card, offering Kung Poo lessons, weekly for $19.95.
RIGHT! AS IF! I Think I can do better, myself, now, after this, besides…
My roses’ migraines, aren’t near as bad, as the Kung Poo Master’s, now aspires.

Date 4-26-2013 
For: Enlightenment, Hope, and Harmony Contest

Details | Rhyme | |

What Might Have Been Grand by Wee Luck Mc Gee

Well, Finn and Mc Gee 
Were riding along
Headed back home
When something looked wrong

So, Finn off his horse
Now looked all around
He said, "We are lost
But, there's something we've found"

"Look at this massive 
Whole in this plain
We'll never get home
This is insane"

"A canyon like this
What an unlucky find
We can't ride around it
We haven't the time"

"And we can't ride down through it
There isn't a way
If even there was
We'd be dead in a day"

So Mc Gee very calmly
with shovel in hand
Said "Well, we'd better get crackin'
And fill it with sand"

Details | Limerick | |

Never Mind

Was a young lad from Missouri
Rushing about in a flurry
- A bathroom to find
- His bowels were maligned
Oops!  Never mind.  End of story.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Self-Hate Miracle Plan

Let's lose weight,
Let's discover the
yin and yang of
protein and complex
It's never too late
to let your
corporeal fat eat
So let's lose
And, then?
Then, let's look
inside your
cavernous space,
And discover your
previously hidden, 
And uniquely
And unparagoned, 
Blissful Essence.

Let's go!

Let's lose weight.
Because it's the
only way - to lose
Let's deflate your
billowing concertina
Let's drain away
those flabby
bingo-arm thighs;
Sight the edacity: I
snack, I die.
Chant: For I am
Spirit, pure and
eternal..For I am
Spirit, pure and
Let's lose weight.

Pain-feast your
Really utilise your
hidden pneuma
Oh, and,
The flashing lights,
the tingling arms?
Mouth striking
shapes to burglar
Perhaps, a smidgen
of self harm?
Tremors, blushing,
perspiring, shaking,
That's okay:
If it ain't
It's a positive
thing to focus there
your self-hate.

It's not easy to
lose weight -
Especially when you
refuse to lose
No, we mustn't allow
your feckless
mentalism to
Appreciate yourself
Scale away your
inducing corpus,
And irrigate.

Stare yourself down,
reflecting off your
Speed-read all my
Glean the
enlightened screed
of my shapely New
Age dream;
Allow me to melt
away your pizza
Gracefully fade you
to your sculpted

Unsuicide bomb those
spare tyres with
Vacuum-pack your
stomach with tender
wires - see above.
Let's lose weight.
And strike your
utter repose!

And you'll soon
delightedly discover
your swooning lover,
And how the sweet
mirror shall melt of

Be like a sliver of
crystal glass;
As svelte as the
skin of flowing
Skim through the air
like a flying
Writhe your
Deposing ounces, you
shall footfall
Let's lose weight.

You can do it!
..For I am Spirit,
pure and eternal..
Let's go!

for more humorous
verse: sukispangles

Details | Rhyme | |

Animal Stories

The ten fat mice
ate loads of rice,
with lots of spice
but then needed water with ice!

There was a snail
who lived in a green pail.
One day he got pricked by a nail
and that was the end of his tail!

Did you hear of the beautiful rat
Who sat boldly beside the cat.
Had a nice long chat
But then suddenly had her flat!

There was a silly old pig
who ate plant, tree and twig.
She loved to wear a jazzy wig
And for bones she would dig.

The lazy golden duck
Got stuck in the muck
But the kind goose turned his luck
And helped him out of it, unstuck!

The funny little red bug
Drank beer from the jug
And danced all over the mug,
Ended up giving his mom, a huge hug!

The smart silver seal
Didn't ever miss a meal
Of oranges and banana peel
And loved to balance on the wheel!

The two friends, dog and frog,
Would often go for a jog,
Chat and relax on the log,
Until they were chased by a stinky hog!

The beautiful little black fish
Would often twirl and swish.
To be a mermaid was her wish,
Alas she ended up as food in the man's dish.

The determined fawn
Worked from dusk to dawn.
Sat to sing to her friend the prawn,
Now she's sleepy and gives a big yawn!

The wonderful quail
Always delivered the mail
Be it snow or hail
As good as our email!

The white snake
Ate a white cake
Full of snow flake
and slept on the white rake!

You must know the stupid ant
Who climbed the dangerous plant.
Sat there in a prayer and chant,
Frightened she wet her long pant!

The super silly cock
Sat on the dock
To sing to the geese flock, 
but ended up being a laughing stock!

There was a goat
who had a bloat
by eating the fox on the boat
But then she couldn't float!

The wolf pack
Had a sack
Full of ducks that quack.
Not for long, when came the panther black!

The sharp and clever spider
Drank all of his cider
Before he climbed into his glider
To become the fastest rider!

There was this sloth
That loved the brown moth.
They took a vow and oath
Got married they both!!

The drunk swine
Had tons of wine
But then fell on the porcupine
To prick and break his spine!

The black and white sheep
took a long leap
Over Mars in a jeep
But on the way they fell asleep!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Welcome To The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel

Welcome to The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel,
If this is your first time here -
Where have you been?

We mass produce uniquely,
Our gnome-lines are refreshed twice-weekly,
Each gnome has it's own i.d number,
So rest assured,
One can never be mistaken for another.

Mould-engineered by plastic injection craftsmen,
Then hand-finished by aerosol paint artisans,
Your garden gnome is guaranteed authentic -
Their bobble-hatted face won't drip,
And their shatter-proof head will nod happily on windy days.

We are the only licensed garden gnome sellers in the UK.
So what are you waiting for?

Rome wasn't built in a day,
But our gnomes are,
Meaning your gnome could be with you within thirty-six hours,
Or - if you require it urgently - within twenty-four,
And it will cost you only four pounds more,
Couriered directly from our air-conditioned warehouse in Bangalore.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Illegal Downloading Kills Poetry

I sincerely,
You are not,
Illegally downloading this poem,
For free.

I mean,
You would never dream,
Of physically shoplifting a poem,
With your own bare hands,
Would you?
Of course you wouldn't.

Thank you.
Just pop down,
To your local, friendly,
Good poem shop,
Every shopping mall has one,
And purchase this poem,
With cash or credit card.

I know you want to sleep,
With a gloriously clear conscience,
At night,
Don't you?
Of course you do.

May I say,
God bless you?
God bless you.

Help your tragic poet
help you.

And yes,
I feel your love,
As I cry for you.

It's not easy,
Being an authentic tragic poet,
There are so many different kinds
to choose from these days:
What kind should I be?
I know it's not meant,
To be,
It's my vocation

So please don't download,
All this sorrow,
My sorrow,
For free.
One day you will thank me,
You will,

Let me say,
One tragic poem bought,
Will allow me,
One quarter a slice of dry bread,
A single squirt of very average shower gel,
And two industrial rose petals,
That's not too much to ask,
I don't ask for much anyway,
I don't believe in it.

It's up to you.
It really is,
Up to you.

All that's left for me to say,
Is take care,
And I love you.

Details | Limerick | |

Meet the Husband

“We can’t go on meeting like this
‘Cause my husband’s all in a hiss”
- I found out: She’s right.
- met her husband tonight
I think it’s my face I will miss.

Details | Ballad | |

Sir Archibald and the Black Knight - Part 1

Let me sing you a tale, a story of old,
Of a man without fear, of a knight brave and bold,
He sought out adventures, whenever they called,
And the name of this knight was Sir Archibald.

Whilst out riding his horse, a steed of great power,
He saw in the distance a creepy old tower,
At the top of this tower lived a pretty young maid,
Who was cold and was lonely and longed to be saved.

“Oh Sir Archibald, won’t you please rescue me?
I’m stuck in this tower and there’s nowt on TV.
I’m forced to stay in here, and wash all these socks,
While the evil Black Knight holds the keys to the locks.”

Sir Archibald loved the maiden so fair,
With her glittering eyes and her long golden hair.
“Of course I will save you!” was the knight’s brave reply,
“Or at least I shall give it a jolly good try!”

Sir Archie rode onwards, as fast as he could,
Until he came to the edge of the wood,
And there stood before him a terrible sight,
The tall, strong and mighty, the evil Black Knight.

The Black Knight was massive, someone to be feared,
With a scar on his face and a huge tatty beard,
Our villain’s description is only complete,
When we mention his dark eyes and big smelly feet.

“What do you want?!” called he with the big booming voice,
Of a man you’d avoid if were given the choice,
“You’ve got a young girl there, who you must set free.
Let her go now, or else answer to me!”

Details | Light Poetry | |

EPS Syndrome

My Dogs have the dreaded multiseasonal EPS syndrome “Eat-Poop-Sleep”.
But not my Dragon, so clever, he’s added mischief to this illustrious heap.
He has our Australian Cattle dog herding the penguins up the street.
The Gutter frogs hop along, checking out future gutters for to keep.

The little Closet Trolls are weighing in, to help exercise the lot down the sidewalks!
They’ve even saddled up our cats, so we can add them, too. What an amazing shock!
Our forest friends and even the friendly bear, disturbs his sleep each day, for this walk.
You ought to see the neighbors run when we come on parade, right down the block.

Tho, it might be Hubby’s Basement Trolls who scare them, as we walk the street.
They’re bringing up the rear. Yes, on Pooper scooping patrol. They are so sweet!
And the little Closet Trolls have convinced every squirrel to taunt the dogs…
By running across the street, and yes, up every single tree, to make them, jump and jog!

Dragon has everyone involved as he wears a sign… for his new project and job…
The sign: “Pet Walking for every pet! We Don’t come Cheap, but we’re not snobs!”
Surprisingly, we now, find pets tied up at all the neighborhood doors…
With money in their collars… waiting to join in all the walks, for sure…

We wander down the street, thru the park, and to the ice cream parlor, with its allure.
Wind, rain, snow, and cold… does not stop this glorious prevail, on it’s tour.
For Dragon loves his ice cream…and the others they do, too, those tasty treats, to procure.
I come along to make sure no one is left out… in this quest for ice cream, de jure.

Eat, Poop, Sleep…Well, to this: I say my lovely peeps…
“Piddle Dee Dee… and Piddle De Dum”
Look Out for Dragon’s business… For Here We Come!
The Dog days of winter… are no longer Hum Drum!

Remember: a dream, using a mind… can create something, quite sublime!

Details | Haiku | |

Note to Self

Stop writing haikus
They don’t even make sense now
Something something cake

Details | Haiku | |


A Christmas wish list
A quick glimpse into my life
Not much going on

Details | Free verse | |

Outsmarted Again

Banana sandwich
jam doughnut
well done steak
turn around to get a plate
from a rack


Two little innocent faces 
and wagging tails stirring back.

Peter Dome.copyright.2013. Dec.

Details | Limerick | |

Arrogance Simply Astounds

Unconscious, he's now come around He's in hospital recently found With tubes up his nose Being nursed his sore blows His arrogance simply astounds You may not feel anything from the waist down Behave, simply stop acting the clown I apologise for my wit May I please feel your tits With a little smack, he started to frown .

Details | Limerick | |

Trio of limericks

Trio of Limericks.

Saving money

There was an old fellow named Dave
He found a dead chook in a cave
It smelled just a bit
But he had to admit
That a whole lot of coin he did save.

When Andy got randy

There was an old sheep dog named Andy
He had such a liking for brandy
One day he got drunk 
And lord how he stunk
Cause with an old skunk he got randy.

Poor lady

Once an old lady named Faye
Who ate like a horse every day
This day she did choke
And it was no joke
Her corpse in a heap now does lay.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Confessions So True

The trolls went on vacation last week, they were tired of so much sun.
They went north for a touch of snow, you know, to have a little fun.
Now here we sat, all by ourselves, without a thing, we need to do.
No Trolls for laughter, the spice of life, our fun filled lives were thru.

Grandpa Troll was a chef at heart, he cooked for all, including ourselves.
Need I remind you, as a cook, they had all gladly put me, on the shelf.
So here we were, at all our meals, scrounging for anything that’s left.
And any time I smiled and offered to cook, they scrounged farther yet.

So I ask them…what they did want… and got a solid… I don’t know.
Their only help was, what am I gonna get? Did the Trolls leave a note?
Then the whine of: when will they be back and OH NO not this again!
What is it? They soundly ask… It looks like, well I don’t know, you win!

So all at once they deserted me… out the door they quickly did go.
Not wanting to be left behind, I caught up, then lead the stampede, just so.
I didn’t tell them there was a note, and ready-made food in the freezer.
You see: I wanted to go out to eat… We hadn’t eaten out in a while, either.

So here we go for one more time… as I say the treat will be on me.
And I lead them deftly down the street, yes, to where I want to eat.
McDonald’s says the McRib is back and I surely, can’t miss out on that!
So the feast tonight will definitely be… McDonalds’, where we all now sat.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Spinach is a Lonely Salad

There is this guy
They call him Popeye
He fell in love with an olive skinned lass
Only to be kicked out on his ass

Details | Limerick | |

Hark--an Angel--The harbinger of all things good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?

Details | Free verse | |

Thank you for your recent submission-w

Thank you for your recent submission
We have reviewed it and decided not
To include it our next issue.
Wish you luck in your future pursuits.

Thank you for your recent submission
The editors are also writers and have
Received numerous rejection notices
And don’t like sending them out.

Thank you for your recent submission
We will have to pass on your poems
Though you have impressive credentials
Wish you success in placing theme elsewhere.

Thank you for your recent submission
They do not meet our publishing needs
You harbor a very great love for writing
We appreciate the opportunity to review it.

Thank you for your recent submission
To consider our magazine as an outlet
For your creative work, but regret
To use this particular submission.

Thank you for your recent submission
Without your hard work the journal would
Be impossible. It’s not an easy task.
Thanks for sharing your writing with us.


**Based on the real experiences in 1997-98

September 8, 2014
Form: Free verse
First Place Win
Contest: Rejection by Regina Riddle

Details | Rhyme | |


A smart *ss hermit,
Sitting on a folly throne.
And he always likes to spit,
Bunch of words in drone.

A culturally-modified mime,
In a shirt that dull boring pinky.
Talking about the punctuation and rhyme,
Insisted on how a poem should be.

Oh dear gray-haired kooks..
The words you say wrapped in hypocrisy.
I might not counted smart in your books,
But at least my words cry it honestly.

Details | Limerick | |

Lizzie Borden


When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Details | Epitaph | |

Dorian Gray

(Witty Epitaph) Herein lies a man named Dorian Gray He was very young and gay Till many moons one day His own painting did him away. Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 September,25,2014

Details | Limerick | |


A miss, with handsome curved thighs,
From men she elicited sighs
- Try as they would
- None of them could
Ever lay hands on the prize.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Looking at Me

Ma! He’s Looking At Me! Make him stop! MA! He’s LOOKING at ME!
And so goes life in the early morn. Two ragamuffins, in battle, and angry.
He touched me! He touched me first! He’s looking at me! Here we go, again.
Two children acting badly, as I stare them into submission, momentarily, amen.

While cleaning up after breakfast… they’re now running through the house.
Heaven should ever forbid, that they’d once, just once, be quiet as a mouse.
The second they come around me, I step out clearly between them, in their way.
Children can be exhausting in the antics, they find readily, that they can display.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love them, as one just skidded into the dog, in his way.
At this it’s a time out, and when finished different toys, in different rooms, horray!
But life is never that easy, as one tries to sneak past me, while he’s on the attack.
It’s just a simple bundle of energy, driving them, that, they never do seem to lack.

But every day there’s always an answer, to every prayer, that I have ever sent.
My sons had wound up the cats, and now are playing with them, till they’re spent.
Yes, you’re right it wasn’t my sons, and yes, it truly was their playful little cats.
Surely you didn’t think my sweet, darling, little children, would ever act like that?

In fact, once upon a time, you know, that of course, they actually did.
But they are past the terrible two’s now, and definitely more refined kids.
But as they head out, to catch the bus, one barrels past the other to the door.
Then he runs back skidding into the chair, as I hold the lunch out, he ignored.

Then the other, gives a push so fine, to tell him to hurry or they’ll be late.
But laughter rings out, as the girl next door, joins them, sweetly at the gate.

CSEastman 2-11-2013 Contest: Maybe I'm Amazed

Details | Free verse | |

Warts and all

There was once a woman
who lived on Sheffield's London road
with greasy unwashed hair
black crooked teeth
and huge wart on the end of her nose.

Her eyes were wild and staring
she had rickets and fleas
had hairy legs and knobbly knees
She stank like a million skunks
she hadn't a bath for 12 years and a month.

Her name is Vera Cooper
She could drink any man under the table
and swore like a trooper.

She once won a beauty contest
when she fell into a ugly bugs nest 
she had a tattoo of a sewer rat on one breast.

People would run away
whenever she was in town
but the flies would follow her around.

But you know what?
She had a great personality
was so kind and caring
and gave lots to charity.

We fell in love and raised a family
we're very happy together
and so in love
and go together
like a hand in a glove
She's my angel.

''Well they do say it's personality that counts don't they?.''

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.

Details | Limerick | |

A Man From Rome

There once was a man from Rome who's head was shinny like chrome gave the world spiritual hope was given the title of Pope now he wears a hat like that of a gnome

Details | Haiku | |

The Crocodile I

The crocodile
listens to Rachmaninoff
once in a great while.

© 14-10-2013, G. Venetopoulos

Details | Couplet | |

A Social Disaster

I walk into door frames, I trip up the stairs.
I rant on about stuff, when nobody cares.

I say all the wrong things, and freak people out.
It's just theres no filter, from my brain, to my mouth.

I'm socially awkward, and horribly shy.
I barely say hello, and never say goodbye.

I'm one of those people, who tends to just stare.
Then complain about you, forgetting you're there.

I'm sullen and mean, as barbed as wire fence.
I'm so insecure, it's a form of defense.

I'm bad at making friends, but when I do.
I make it for life, my friendship is true.

When I walk anywhere, i stare at the ground.
That's why I accidentally knock people down.

I laugh at bad jokes, and all the wrong times.
I take it too far, misinterpret the signs.

When i talk and I'm nervous, it makes me talk faster.
I might as well face it, I'm a social disaster!

Details | Rhyme | |

The Maid of Honour's Speech

I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech,
But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach,
I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say,
How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day.

We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat,
But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat!
I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress,
This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess!

Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think,
That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink?
I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said,
There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red.

It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show,
And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go.
You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man,
You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan.

You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date.
And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate!
And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love,
And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above.

With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare,
In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire!
Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true,
But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do.

A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says,
And you told me you only married him for money anyway!
But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow,
And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now?

So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass,
To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, I say, in my gentle refrain.
Dear Santa had been busy, traveling the night, so very long.
He left us for last, as we were always gave him, a lot of pain.
No matter our good intentions, something always went wrong.

We surprised him with Carols, and he jumped back into the fire.
With so much magic, you’d think his clothes, wouldn’t singe so?
As our Great Dane jumped up, to kiss him, I thought he’d expire!
They fell into the tree, now entwined on the floor, so cute, all-aglow!

But the cat was a little pissed as he came out of the tree, you see…
And he attacked Santa for disturbing, his comfy good dreams.
I pulled the cat off, and falling on top, he accidentally got kneed.
Asking forgiveness, I offered a cookie, and he suddenly screamed.

The Great Dane had grabbed the cookie, while it was IN his hand!
Thank goodness, he’s a great, wonderful, and forgiving old man!
Last year, he’d ask the tree, be near his escape, a great game plan.
But he now got entangled in the big, hanging stockings, as out he ran.

He was choking, bright red, a good color on him, as we cut him free.
But he was dizzy and fell into the hot chocolate, and it’s warming pan.
So he jumped up and down, waving his arm, as he again, tried to flee.
Leaving, I heard him exclaim, ‘My day job is easier, I’m a stunt man!’ 

Still, next year he’ll be back, he says we’re nice, you see…
We just all understand, he’ll also be in a hurry to… leave.

Details | Rhyme | |

Raggedy Cars

Have you ever bought a used car and thought it was good
You didn’t even check the motor or under the hood
You drive it out the lot and it drives smooth
And then the very next day something just aint cool
You hear some funny sounds and you see a little smoke
And then the car stops after you hear a big choke
There your car is, it just now stopped
Every car pass you and even the cops
Now you’re sitting there chilling with the hazard lights on
And then you see a thug come right along
He give you a ride hoping you’ll make it safe
Praying to God that you don’t have to escape
Soon as you get home you call a mechanic and tell him what’s wrong
And then he say “I’m sorry to tell you but your motor is gone.”

Details | Free verse | |

Song excerpts' nonsense

"You pack in the morning"
Leaving again?
"Come stop your crying now"
Who's crying?
"From this day on"
Are you sure?
"You just call of my name"
Oh yeah? "All you have to do is call"
Okay.  "You got a friend".  Goodie.
"Nobody does it better"
Are you sure about that?
"Nobody does it half as good as you"
Where's the rest?
"I would do anything".  Okay, let's see now, lol
"Don't you know it's true?".  I'll see.
"It's lying here somewhere".  Okay, I'll look for it. 
In the mean time you keep looking too, haha.
Between both of us, we'll find it.
Dada dada
"Do it again".  Ah, I don't know about that.
"Say I love you".  Must I? lol
"You look inside my fantasy".  Do you now?  
I don't know what you see in there but it ain't pretty.  Haha just kidding
I think I'll stop now
Will catch you next time lol

Details | Senryu | |

The Corpse Flower

The corpse flower, like the armpits of rancid love, your bouquet floors me.

Details | Couplet | |

Words and Barks


People were given a gift called speech
Most of the time they have nothing to teach

Dogs on the other hand can roll their eyes
They say more with wags and cries

Often people's unending words don't  matter
It might be better if people would bark and dogs chatter

Details | Free verse | |

Reflections: Intellectualism

To Dine, To Die;
Conversations spiral
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.

Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.

An endless groan
Argumental paralysis
The debate grants no throne.

Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.

"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.

Details | Rhyme | |


When Santa got stuck down the chimney
What a terrible fright for young lives
Imagine the sight that then met them
Imagine their awful surprise.
With a crash and a thump and a holler
A bang and a whoosh and a boom
The magical globe trotting Santa
Daintily entered their room!

He landed full square in their fireplace
His hat flopped down over his eyes
He looked really much more like Black Beard
Except he was double the size.
The children sat up in amazement
Then hid and peeped through a crack
As this unfortunate dirty old Santa
Was hit on the head by his sack.

The air turned quite blue for a moment
When he finally uttered a cry
I’ve hurt every bone in my body
Was the gist of what he implied
Now Rudolph looked down from above him
Shook his head and then let out a sigh
Get up you clumsy old has been
We still have work left to do tonight.

Well Santa looked right up that chimney
His plight became clear in a flash
He was stuck with his sack at the bottom
And didn’t know how to get back.
The children, still hid in the corner
Just couldn’t believe what they saw
As this dirty old Santa recovered
Did his job and then limped out the door. 

They watched as he climbed out the window
His suit now completely akimbo
But Rudolph was there with the sleigh and a spare
He now had clean clothes to change into.
Once more Rudolph rescued the big man
Stamped his hoof, got him out of his whirl
Threatened to leave less he focus
You know, of course, Rudolph’s a girl!!!!                                                                                                                   
The children got up in the morning
Frustrated, annoyed and distressed,
For their bedroom looked just like a bombsite
Where two sacks of gifts had been left
Despite having left him a message
Stating ‘ please do not leave so much trash,
We are modern day children remember
What we want is a cheque or some cash’

Details | Rhyme | |

The suspense is torture

A hit and run of epic proportion                                                                                       The Easter conspiracy in motion                                                                                      The CIA FBI  Interpol perplexed                                                                                       Who done it who will be next                                                                                Scotland yard the challenge not met the Reg.                                                                The goose no longer lays the golden egg                                                                   Public supply and demands satisfaction                                                                       Who will it be it is up to you investigation                                                                     Slow to the game the cards are on the the table                                                                The only glue you get a fable                                                                                    - for Lisa Cooper Poetessdarkly contest -Who murdered the Easter bunny? 3/5/2013

Details | Epic | |

The Idiom and the Oddity Part 2

Page 4

They do not move a muscle                           
Nor give unto their fears
But contemplate their carnage
Have you even not, one tear

Had I known you like I do now
You wicked callous beast
I never would have shown you
That my heart was in your reach

When the first drop of precious blood
Impacts upon this ground 
I swear I’ll not forgive you
And by the Gods I’ll strike you down

But could we not turn, this tide
And you and I once more
Find the love sent from about
And do, as we adore

NO,  cause you insist to make my wish
Lie broken on the floor
And wear a glove while touching love
Just like a filthy whore

Don’t think the Gods won’t notice
You’re defiled and you’re sick
By using love to hide behind
To pull this dirty trick

Page 5

Ah, to one trick there’s another   
And I possess my share
Be patience and I’ll show you
What can happen to your lair

With cunning and with cruelty
My counsel will evoke
A very cunning plan
That would make Poseidon choke 

I will converse, with Apollo
To have the sun replace the moon
So therefore catch a tan
If it’s possible, by noon 

Then I’ll call on my Seamstress 
To sew me something smart
With these hand made silver boots
This is Fashion’s off the charts

Of course all my solders
Will be dressed up in their best
Tunics will be optional
And so might the rest

We will decorate the beach
With a bonfire and some torches
So the enemy can watch
While they’re lounging on their porches

Page 6

Send a ship down to the tropics                                   
I think seafood would be nice
And one up to the artic 
To fetch all some ice

I know some Greek dancing songs
We’ll get the band to play
And I’ll maybe sing a solo
To melt, their hearts away

Cause no one, but no one
Puts a party on like me
And makes the end to every war
A spectacle to see

When things start dieing down
Very late at night
We all crawl to our ships
And we’ll put out the lights

We give them the impression
We’re all drunk and going home
This should make them feel relieved
That we’re leaving them alone

But that is when we pull 
The oldest trick, found in the book
With a sinister contraption
This deception’s off the hook 

To Be Continued.................

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Chipmunk Kid

A hot breeze blew the other day, as the Chipmunk Kid rode into Troll Lake Town.
He rode on the oldest, slowest steed, that I had ever seen, a Snail called Abilene.
He came a packing, with a six shooter acorn gun, riding low, for an easy draw.
Armadillo Billy The Sling Shot Kidster, was his intended target, you know, y’all.

Sheriff Bunny Garrett said, he’d shot Billy down, but the word had gotten round.
Billy was alive and in our town, so The Chipmunk Kid wanted him found, right now!
A meaner glare, had never been seen, as it slowly moved, around our town. Tho…
Something seemed amiss; perhaps it was his crossed eyes, and petulant frown. 

Climbing down from his stead, he landed face down, in the snail slime of his stead,
On that fateful day, Billy solemnly shook his head, at the craziness of this strange Kid.
The Chipmunk Kid had moxie, but little else of praise or glory, I can honestly say.
For when we told him Billy was here, The Chipmunk Kid, then fainted straight away.

Not to mention, his snail stead, old Abilene, shied away, when this happened, too.
Now, he could have grabbed the reigns, for Abilene had only moved, an inch or two.
But the Chipmunk Kid was a bit flighty, you see, as he took his lasso from his side.
Before he was done he’d tied himself up, and Dear old Billy, couldn't help but smile.

Armadillo Billy knew he’d won in that minute, not having to fire a single slingshot.
That’s how, it should be done, he knew, after seeing what the Kid had wrought.
He was happy, to just once see, ALL come out alive, still knowing that he had won.
They became fast friends, with time, as he taught The Kid the true meaning, of life.

They had lots of time, you know, as Abilene, couldn't seem to make it out of town.
Poor old Abilene was winded, from extended travel to find our beloved, little town.
It turned out; he wasn't a snail after all, just a very confused and ancient old slug.
So, as you might have guessed, we did naturally make room, as we usually do…

Yes, for the illustrious Chipmunk Kid, and Abilene, his dear old slug.

Details | Limerick | |

What's in a Word

 My English professor did my eye disturb,

 Her grammar exquisite - her ass superb!

   I asked her out just by chance,

     She said "sure! wanna dance?"

"No Ma'am" I replied.........."wrong verb!"

Details | Limerick | |

The Butcher


The butcher wastes no scrap of meat
He counts every part that  he meets.
Then turns it around
And right on the ground.
Then hits it hard and wraps it on wheat!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladp2000

September, 13, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Obscene Green

Me friend, Ol’ Paddy’s, a joke
He thinks he can best any bloke
    “you’ll see …
   None better’n me!”
(‘Tis braggadocio he spoke.)

So I, from rancid cuisine
Passed gas - ‘twas really obscene
    Then I state:
    “Do it, Mate:
Catch that ... paint it green!”

Details | Couplet | |

Leprechaun in My Bottle

One dark dreary night while happily drinkin’ up a big big storm,
I beheld a tiny green man in my bottle, oh!—not the norm.

He’s my tiny green man in my Irish whiskey bottle.
He’s my Leprechaun with whom I’d like to drink a pottle.

He’s the man with a certain quaint eye twinkle and attitude, 
And he has all the fine alcoholic credentials and certitude,

Of one who’s done much, seen much, drunk much much,
And has great insight, insatiable charm, and a very deft touch.

My friend the Leprechaun tells me of his present living situation:
“Medrinks, Methinks, Mesleeps, Medrinks, ah!—My salvation!”

I tell him my ancestry is “Half-Irish” which makes me Celtic, 
And he says, “Me good friend Gary, no shame, Me too Celtic!”

My Leprechaun asked me of my present situation with poetry,
And I says—“Medrinks, Methinks, Mewrites, Meloves poetry.”

Over time I found I was mimicking more and more my little elf friend,
And he says, “Me brother Gary, no worry, we both be Irish my friend.”

I told my Leprechaun that he does indeed have quite an alcoholic ego,
And my little elf quipped, “When we both drink Gary, I’m your alter ego!”

And so, my Leprechaun in my bottle is my good friend—my adviser,
And, I find that as we both drink together my poetry flows all the wiser.

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved (September 9, 2014) 
(Rhymed Couplet)

Details | Light Poetry | |

Mirror, Mirror -

Mirror mirror on the wall,
why are all my clothes too small?
Please mask my cellulite and fat profusion,
with the magic of optical delusion.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Zombie The Musical

The town was all a flutter; Zombie the Musical, was coming to town.
We all signed up as extras… Yes, as Zombies… here we did come.
Bruce Willis was the hero, with the Mad Scientist Z, for all to blame.
Dragon wanted to be the hero, but became the Evil Z. OH! Poor Thing!
His penguins, the perfect zombies, chased across the screen, so berserk!
The director wanted his zombies to twitch, but all thought he said, twerk!

Someone turned on ‘Thriller’, and amid the music, things began to work.
The penguins were endearing, as they stole the show. Wouldn’t you know!
As they did the: step left, step right, Shuffle, shuffle, twerk, twerk, twerk!
Dragon flew on the set, but things got wonky, as the set, in flames, went up.
He crash-landed in the fire works, which scaring most the towns’ zombies off.
All was meant to be dark and scary, but naturally that came out, sooo wrong.

The witches decided to dig up zombies, for the flash mob scene, to work. 
The new zombies, did their own thing, chasing more town zombies away.
The witches got them from the cemetery, not telling those alive, today. 
Bruce Willis, by now, was really banged up, as he fought the zombies off.
Everyone knew something was so wrong when one bit Dragon in the butt.
Thank goodness that fricasseed Zombie, couldn’t bite thru Dragons Scales.

Well, everyone made a run for it…as the penguins steadfastly twerked on…
At this time, some say, the director was straight out seen, pulling out his hair.
He was yelling: Dumb Zombies need a brain! & They’d head to the cemetery… 
If  ‘they only had a brain!’ So someone added the song ‘If I only had a Brain’. 
The director wanted Die Hard, but got ‘Die Hard without a Brain’. Yeah, Way!
Tho some would simply end up calling it, ‘Die Hard to Twerk another Day’.

The director decided: if he couldn’t beat them, join them. Yes, he surely did!
With the ending credits Dragon twerked. Groan! For shame!  Nobody Look!
That’s when Bruce Willis called Chuck Norris to help round the Zombies up! 
The Zombies wouldn’t take their cues! Well, not, until, it was time to Twerk!
Then they all just joined in, as apparently a real Zombie…Can Indeed Twerk! 
They were all, finally sent home, with smiles upon their face. Uh... we think!

The witches put them back, by order of Chuck Norris, in any case! It’s True!
For a witch can mess with a director, but No One messes with Chuck Norris! 
What! You knew? And the after show party, with Chuck Norris, had such flair!
He even ask Dragon for an autograph… Now, Dragon’s head is in the air!

And Note: Not a single Zombie was hurt in the making of this musical…
          Though, many a one, did fall down, when Dragon flapped his wings.
          The fricasseed Zombie liked his suntan and new hair style, it seems!
Written By Carol Eastman 1-22-2015 Iambic Unknown? please help...

Details | Limerick | |

The Princess


There once was a very old Princess 
Who loved to race cars and play chess. 
She loved to glitter 
And she wasn't a quitter 
Till she had a heart attack, more or less. 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
Aka ladydp2000 

August, 29,2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Memoirs of an old man, the laughing version

‘I rant until i tattle.’
An old man said to me.
With boulders brass in battle
For Country, Queen and sea.

Lest not aghast a fattie,
Good heavens or abode.
We cannot simper- EVER!
For mighty frog or toad.

My clumbus, brood and brattice
Have left and faded dim,
Yet i shall stay with Stumpy
For clopper, clop and Jim.

Discounting Morris Upskate,
A ginger by default.
He keeps us musing nicely
For peace and calm revolt.

Take up thy stripy cornflake
And all who sail within,
And use the little peabus
For losing, draw or win.

And with a hanson blackie,
We clubber what we sow,
Go barphing like a windmill,
For friends we do not know.

Details | Limerick | |

another girl from france


Details | Free verse | |

No Party For Pity

 No party for pity. 
 Question the absurdity. 
 Friends, use discretion 
 if you get an invitation. 
 It's counterfeit. 
 Don't believe it. 
 Don't RSVP, 
 if you receive it. 
 Discard immediately. Don't contemplate. 
 It'll lead you nowhere. Don't save the date. 
 No early, late, or on time arrivals. 
 The doorbell is silent. 
 No lively dinner guests, 
 dressed in their best. 
 No hors d'oeuvres served on a fancy plate. 
 No thought-provoking conversations. 
 No guestbook to sign. 
 No vintage wine. 
 No catered food. 
 No live music for the mood. 
 No celebration for pity's pains. 
 No "congratulations,"  for complaints.         
 No party here. Discard the invitation. 
 Pity's alone, in bitter contemplation.

Details | Rhyme | |

Hand Grown In Thyme

Hand Grown In Thyme.

On Brummie Sea and Burnley oak,
In bearded wood and clove
I hidey in this Mutton cloth
That strangles like a choke.

Lampooned upon this Ferris wheel,
A chuckle for a hoot.
I swung with empty boxing glove
And knocked a joke aboot.

I thank you from my Uncles chin
And dear old Auntie Pat
Who did asunder to a sin
And dogged her pussycat!

They trundled stubborn as a toe
And caring not a care
Sent humphing parties to and fro
Though knew not who they were.

‘Bejees!’ I crippled all a goat
What finery I’ve found,
Four friends in foursome charging free-
A bargain at a pound.

‘Well fancy that,’ a woman sat,
And bending like a river
Weaved not a spell but nasty smell
And sent me all a quiver.

‘How come you like to gape alewd?’
I asked but half an inch.
To which the Lady took a fence
And hit me with a pinch.

Details | Concrete | |

Shoes and Toes

I'm a bit confused when it comes to shoes and see a big toe that's been bruised
or the second toe is longer and trying to conquer the big toes space with an embrace

If you have this problem don't wear open toe shoes they do not amuse
but only gives us a clue you may need a canoe or a pair of tennis shoes

Why wear shoes that are four feet tall and look like a ski slope 
and you walk like your on a tightrope afraid you will fall and have to crawl

If you have a toe problem don't be embarrassed a little buckle on your shoe top
will get a cute chuckle and you won't have to wear boots in that nice pants suite

T Reams   2/11/2015

Details | Free verse | |

Girlfriend 204

Now the asylum door is open once more
here comes girlfriend number 204 
She tells me
She's certified sane
But I'm not
I'm a wild man
who no one has ever tamed.

She says I look like George Clooney
But I think alas
She meant
Micky Rooney.

She claims to be Cleopatra
and related to Frank Sinatra
I think the injections are wearing off
because she's cut of her ear
and is now van Goth.

Oh why oh why can't I get a girlfriend who is sane
I'm fed up
It's always the same
Someone who isn't a psycho 
and doesn't think
their Doris day
or GI Jane.

''Open to offers''.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.march.

Details | Rhyme | |

When Your Alone At Home

Eat an apple a day
Drink drink water
Hydrate to lose weight
Eat an apple a day

Don't drink soda
Veggies and fruit
Will help you poop
Don't drink soda

No candy or sugary treats
Rice cakes
Make your taste buds ache
No candy or sugary treats

Walk walk walk
Trim those thighs
Walk walk walk

Sleep eight hours a night
A body that rest
Burns fat best
Sleep eight hours a night

Be positive be light
Pounds will shed
If you stay under fed
Be positive be light

Then when your home alone
Lock the doors pull the shades
Raid the pantry of all you crave
When your home alone

Details | Light Poetry | |

Lines Lines Lines

You can line up at the bank
Or you can line up at the mall
If you in a real big rush, you can line up in your autocar
Coffee lines and fast food lines
Even I, have some lines
If I may whisper them to you
Lines lines are everywhere, 
Even at the local state fair

Line lines lines
Long lines, short lines
No one likes any lines
No one likes my funny lines
So what if they rhyme?
Unless you a burly Bureaucrat
Then all the lines are very good times
Especially when they all lined up
Paying unpaid taxes, along with hefty fines,
Fine fine those dam fines

One day I would like to say, we have had enough
I would draw a line in the sand
Sadly I have no worldly doubt
There’s even a line for that

There is a group, they don’t like lines
They sure know how to sing
Hold the line, Hold line
Love isn’t always on time!

Doctors, lawyers, dentists too!!
They all have lines tailored just for you
Hours, days, endless waiting
They love to have their lines

Don’t ever ask why the line
There will never be an answer
Even if they should make one up
There’s a line for even that

Now one day, your line shall end
As you lie at the funeral parlor
Funny how for this last task
There is no line for that

I am sure, there must be lines, way up and above
As well as Hell down below
Lines will never never never end
Just because you’re dead

Now if your one who hates me so
There’s even  a line for that
Concert tickets will have less lines
Than getting a shot at me

So if one day, there shall be a soul
Who may wish to love me even so and so
I have good news, for this is true
That line is empty, except for dust
Waiting just for you



have to run
have to go
Check my soup site just to see
who is onLINE now to talk to me

( if you wish to read this twice, please get in line and start over )

Details | Haiku | |

dog haiku

dog breaks wind in sleep awakens and sniffs the air then bolts from the room
dedicated to dogs and dog lovers (the funny side)

Details | Clerihew | |


A form of poetry known by few.
Upon hearing the word for the first time,
I looked up and queried, Clara Who?

A Clerihew is a very specific form of humorous verse typically with the following propeties:
It is biographical and usually whicmsical showing the subject from an unusal point of view;
but hardly ever satirical, abusive or obscene.
It has four lines of irregular length for comic effect.
The first line consists solely or almost solely of a well known person's name.
The above is not a good example because as you can see it is not about a person but the poem form itself. It's just something that went around in my head so I wrote it.
As usual for me I had to leave the beaten path.
Be kind.

Judy Ball
A struggling, obscure poet,
Wrote verse because she enjoyed it,
But form, she seldom employed it.

Details | Shape | |

Corpus Christi Twister

A powerful Super Tornado Slammed down in my home town of Corpus Christi, Texas Several Summers back, or So Swirled and Slashed through town like Satan himself was Spewin’ and Slingin’ Sweet Texas farm Sod at anything Standing. The Silver Sand of South Padre Island Sparkled in the Sky while it stripped paint to bare metal. Our little Farm House Started Shaking and Sliding and Spinning and Spinning and Spinning and more Spinning, Spinning, Spinning, Spinning and Spinning, Still Spinning and Spinning and Spinning and Spinning and Spinning, Spin, and Still Spinning, Spin, Spin, Spinning and Spinning, Spinning, Spin and Still Spinning and Spinning and Spinning and Spinning and Spin, Spin, Spin and Still Spinning and Spinning Still Spinning would we ever Stop Spinning and Spinning and Spinning, Spin, Spin and Spinning Still Spinning and Spin Some more, Still more Spinning, and then more Spinning and Spinning. Then BOOM! STOP! Whoa, Still Spinning, I’m dizzy, So dizzy everything Spinning, I’m So dizzy I can’t Stop Spinning. It’s been Seven years, Six months and Seventeen days Since the 2006 Corpus Christi Twister and my head Still Spins. Good news is, I got a new job, and I love it. What is it you ask? Name’s Spencer, Sign Spinner For Spinet Piano S

Details | Ballade | |

Prolific, I guess that' me

Prolific, I guess that’s me

I read a poem by ilene Baur
Prolific, she called it
I saw myself right in those words
And it made me smile a bit
Then I asked myself this question
Why do I write so much?
Each time a subject comes along
My busy mind to touch….

Then I just grab a pencil
And a poem is written down
I guess it’s my addiction
I just hope that folk don’t frown
And say ‘Oh no! Not him again
Each time they see my stuff
I guess if I was in their shoes
I’d say “hey that’s enough!!!”

So bear with me good people
And If I cause you grief
By writing all these empty words
Then you may gain relief
By passing everything I write
Not reading it at all
And yet I hope this is not so
When you comment, it’s real cool.

8 August 2013 @ 0940hrs.

Details | Limerick | |

Tom's a Freshman - Tom's a Peeper


Details | Light Poetry | |

Blinded by Rainbows

If you take the rock out of Rock n Roll
If you give Jagger a spliff
Are you left with a rolling stoned?

Details | Limerick | |

The Duchess

I sat next to the Duchess at tea. It was worse than I thought would be. A bee sat on her nose The Duchess turn'd verbose When it stung her right there but not me. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp200 Copyright@2014 October.21.2014

Details | Clerihew | |


Shan't ever be Georges for you
Hors d'oeuvres' grand cordon bleu
a connoisseur of arts
a dualist Descartes.

© 05-11-2013 G.V.

Details | I do not know? | |

A Nonsensical Scribble

A Nonsensical Scribble

Vivid colours,
straining, yearning,
closeted between hues,

weaving tapestries,
flowing through shades,
dissolving my swirling blues.

Rainbows merge,
singing plaintive dirges,
etched on dusty rough sleeves

urgent scribbles,
humming notes of woe,
hurriedly embossed on fallen leaves.

Melodies quicken,
words entombed in mouths,
fading, trapped in emerald green,

seizing dreamscapes,
blurring glimpses of truth,
slipping between visions unseen.

My heartbeat gallops,
committing ink to paper,
donning a smile blatantly comical,

I catch myself napping,
stirred by a nagging realisation,

the scribbles, much like the scribbler,
seem to be, quite humourlessly nonsensical.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Four Horsemen of the Amockalypse

At the sound of the first horn, the joke becomes ill,
And there is just no amount of comedic skill,
That can hide its indecency, but try he will,
And despite its poor taste, he will use it still.

Upon the second horn, The Heckler appears,
And the joke is now met with insensitive jeers,
“Is that all you’ve got?!” he does scoff as he sneers,
And upon confrontation he sits there and leers.

The third horn is sounded and Silence arrives,
And of applause and of laughter he cruelly deprives,
Starving the joke of the food he derives,
From the merriment upon which every joke thrives.

The last horn is sounded and the final death stroke,
Is dealt upon our poor unfortunate joke,
He lets out a wheeze and gives a small choke
And at last did our poor whimsy finally croak.

‘Tis the end of the line for our jolly old friend,
And there is no amount of first aid that could mend,
The injuries to what the comedian penned,
For our tired joke has met its sweet end.

Details | Verse | |

Shrodinger's Cat

My name is Fritz, Shrödinger’s Cat,
I sometimes wonder where I’m at.
Within a small world I exist;
My master, he’s a physicist
Who talks of protons, neutrons too,
Held in place with magic glue.
He’s weird and in his element
Performing this experiment.

Trapped in a box and full of strife,
I feel I’ve only half a life.
My fate decided by old Geiger,
I wish I’d been a Bengal tiger !
My feline life hangs by a thread;
In two minds if alive or dead,
I muse “To be or not to be,
That, is the real uncertainty”.

His scientific articles
On sub-atomic particles,
Ionising radiation
And his famous Wave Equation
Earned Erwin cherished Nobel Prize.
I stare at him with knowing eyes –
He’s overlooked I have nine lives –
Against the odds, the CAT survives !

Details | Limerick | |

Where To

My payday's a monthly event
But ... ‘fore it’s here - it's been spent
… Search ever’ where
… Wonderin’ where
All that money has … went?

Details | Rhyme | |

Peeling An Onion

There is a truth in you my friend
both heady and unique
that makes my sense of smell
take flight, 
and drives my curiosity.

I carve away voraciously,
cut deep and cut again
til glossy bulb is
ringed layers
of dazzling luminosity.

Sweet orbed bands, 
I plate them out, 
in artful presentation 
gleaming rings I praise, admire 
the aim of my pomposity

I peel, and peel,and peel again
core’s perfect pearl revealed
And I in awe,
Relish, delight 
devour you aromally

Details | Free verse | |

Heavenly Bacon

Bacon oh bacon you greasy little devil,
You have my full attention when i hear that frying pan sizzle.

Your aroma so intoxicating, Your taste is just pure bliss, 
Each bite just keeps getting better my head spins like the Exorcist.

You're the duct tape of the food industry cause you add that extra flava,
I don't care if i'm going broke i'm hungry , for you i'll pay that extra dolla.

My belly is content I have a smile across my face,
Bacon oh bacon when I eat you 
you take me to my happy place.

By: Shawn Munoz 
Inspired by Kevin Sheehan

Details | Rhyme | |

Mailing McGee

While Finn, was on his front lawn
Giving it, a good hosing down
McGee next door stomped out his house
Fist clinched and wearing a frown

He violently opened the lid
To his mail box facing the street
Then slammed the door, just as fast
While making a bitter retreat

It didn't take long at all
For it to happen again and again
And seemed extremely odd
To an ever more curious Finn

So when McGee, emerged once more
And on his way to the street
Finn walked over to meet him
To ask him, while being discreet

"I've noticed McGee, a behavior
I have never witnessed before
Why is it so, you come, then you go
'twixt, your mail box, and your front door"

McGee stopped and turned, while acting concerned
With a complexion that looked rather pale
"It's my computer you see, It talking to me
And telling me, 'I have got mail".

Details | Limerick | |


A hot opportunity knocks
Buy and sell incoming space rocks
We love asteroids
But are covered by Lloyds
In case our own blocks suffer shocks

Details | Limerick | |


Used car salesman didn’t blink:
“None better!” said he with-a-wink
- With the hood open wide
- I'm seein’ inside:
Said: “Be better with an engine … don’t cha’ think?”

Details | Rhyme | |

Good Old Clean X-Rated Fun

bastard file
a file of the commercial grade of coarseness between coarse and second-cut.

Mary O'Connor
The church going kind
Needed to find a new job
But without some experience 
In most kinds of work
She just stood on the sidewalk and sobbed

Then along came McVey
In his usual way
Heading to open his store
When he saw our poor Mary
Crying away,
As he saw her there crying before

But this time he spoke
And asked "What's the trouble"
Her reply was "I need a position"
He invited her in, and gave he a job
But it came with one firm condition 

Dear Mary you know
About how things go
In a hardware store of this kind
The men are real tough
And live kind of rough
Their speech is not very refined

Oh, Mister McVey, 
I'll be OK
Just give me a chance to show
So, with one eye, he winked
And gave her a nod
Then said "We'll just see how things go"

Well, Her first day went find
When McGee stood in line
Saying he needed a file
As he looked in the case
She asked without haste 
Can I help you, while donning a smile

So he made his request
Now, here came the test
As he stated he needed a Bastard
Her face became red 
As her hands held her head
Embarrassment, something she mastered

She gave him what for
And showed him the door
Then ran to McVey
In the back
McVey asked what's wrong
Then she sung him a song
About how she was under attack

When she, had finished 
Her crying, diminished
McVey place his hand on her arm
Then simply explained
"That's just what It's named"
McGee didn't mean any harm

Oh, How I feel silly
I'm such a dumb filly
I'll get back to work if I may
But McVey gave permission
for a brief intermission
Until she was feeling OK

She went back on the Floor
When Finn
waltzed through the door
And saying he needed a file
In a most pleasant way
She proceeded to say
We have Bastards, Right here in this isle 

Finn closed one eye
As he looked 'round and spied
His lips now formed a small pucker
He took from the bin
As he said with a grin
I tink I'll just take this wee F***er

Sorry Carol---This may explain why I get so many N/A's

Details | Limerick | |


‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it.

Details | Rhyme | |



                              I’ve had enough of teachers
                              They’re as boring as can be
                              Standing in the playground
                              Drinking endless cups of tea

                              I’ve had enough of teachers
                              Telling me what to do
                              I’d like to stick them to their chairs 
                              with really powerful glue.

Details | Free verse | |

Christmas Season

Santa Claus is a scary dude. 
Right up there with God. 
He watches our every move
and keeps score with a list
that he checks twice to 
prepare for judgement day 
and what might lay 
under the Christmas tree 
if you're not found naughty. 

I love that little baby in a manger 
and angels, shepherds, lambs , 
a bright star to follow. 
But the wise mens' gifts are suspect. 
Smart shoppers would bring
a rattle, toys, maybe a lullaby.

Santa, Jesus,  Christmas,
a season of light, anticipation and anxiety.
The big question pressing hard 
like steel on ice. 
Skating around sacrifice and salvation. 
For God sake who could ever hope to be that nice? 

Santa is not around after he delivers,
thankfully he leaves town and 
God sleeps like new parents do,
catching some Z's
after an evening of childbirth,
well wishers, three kings.

Christmas morning.
Hurry! Bring your best intention.
Escape! Wake up before anyone.
Open your present moment.

Details | Rhyme | |

Feb 14

chocolate hearts and candies in boxes
play their part in having me nauseous 
passion a project for the masses 
roses in package, romance the passage
red, white and pink, fed right in the link
bed time in sync, just what you think
that one day out of three sixty five
your partner should get recognized
consumption used to fortify
love thatll last the rest of our lives
trickier than lovers that are porcupines
a sort of lie, could put a hole in your heart
bigger than a quarters size
beyond the balloons, heart strings in the loom
the only thoughts i consume, 
is i need a sun with my moon

Details | Footle | |

Holy Humor

Jehovah's Witness' Door Pamphlets


Catholic Church During Halloween


Scrabble Night With Missionaries


Preacher Owning at Dungeons & Dragons


Our Holiness the Dalai Getting a Text From His Ex


Sea Anemone Makes Amends


Details | Limerick | |

Sail And Nail


A fellow was pleased with a sale 
Till noticed the boat was missing a sail 
He was very sad 
And got so mad 
He hit the man who did the SALE with a NAIL! 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
Aka ladydp2000 

September, 8, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Anansi and the Christmas Cake

It was Christmas time in Anansi’s house
But Anansi was snoring loud and deep
While all the house was up and busy
Sneaky Anansi was pretending to sleep

Anansi imagined lying on the beach
Soaking up some hot Jamaican sun
Christmas time with all its merriment
For Anansi was never, ever fun!

Poor Anansi - it’s such a crime
To not have fun at Christmas time!

Last year whist fixing the Christmas baubles 
He was jumping up, extremely mad
Because all the baubles kept flying off
And the crooked angel looked very sad

When he tore off the wrapper from his gifts
He always hoped for a nice surprise
But every year his presents were the same
Eight pairs of socks and two colourful ties 

Poor Anansi - the church bells’ chime
No fun for you this Christmas time!

And Christmas dinner was never enough
Because his wife entertained the whole town!
Cold scraps of dinner left on a plate
And a squeeze to find a spot to sit down 

And playing party games was such a bore
Card games he never had the knack 
Charades would leave him a little confused
Legs tangled with Twister or stuck on his back

Poor Anansi, you can bet a dime
No fun for you this Christmas-time

Never anything good to watch on TV
And the Queen spoke too posh and too slow
He didn’t even have a favourite book to read
Poor, poor Anansi with his Christmas woe

But there was just one thing about Christmas
That Anansi couldn’t wait to partake
Every Christmas his wife would prepare
The most delicious, scrumptious Christmas cake

Every year he sliced the biggest piece
Leaving his family to fight for the rest
Delicious, scrumptious with a scoop of ice-cream
This Christmas cake was always the best

Anansi made sure that everyone had gone
Before he scurried down for his Christmas treat
He looked in the oven, the cupboard the fridge
But couldn’t find any Christmas cake to eat

 “Surprise,” said his wife from behind him
“We are having fruit salad for a change!”
Then she handed him a large Christmas bowl 
Filled with tropical fruits of all range.

Poor Anansi - it’s such a crime
To have no cake at Christmas time!
To have no cake at Christmas time!
To have no cake at Christmas time!

Details | Light Poetry | |

HaHa Choir Rides Again

My HaHa songs are gone, some would call it writers block.
My Basement Trolls went on vacation, as I watch the clock.
Without a thought for me, they took my very heart and soul.
I hope they will come back real soon; I’m dying here alone.

Then what do I espy, a tiny Troll, quietly staring there at me?
He came out of my closet bookshelf, to come and talk, you see.
It seems I will not be alone, at least not totally alone, anymore. 
Then I spy another one, or three, or more… coming out the door.

They’re dragging sheets of paper; I had wondered where it had gone.
Coming next behind them is my ink pen, filled with joy, freshly drawn.
From where, oh where, did they suddenly come from, I did quickly ask.
They just simply giggled, saying they would help me, at all my tasks.

It seems they came with the Basement Trolls, these little friends of mine.
And when the others disappeared, these chose to be my friends, so fine.
They pulled out all my books, and piled them on the floor, for to sit upon.
Then said that they were once very big, yes, years ago, once upon a time.

The children lassoed my cats and dogs, to drag them deftly across the floor.
Climbing up my books, they sat upon their backs, then went off to explore.
Taming my tabby cat, was easier said than done, a fun filled rodeo ensued,
Until she shook them easily off, spilling them soundly onto the rug, anew.

Then I saw a Troll, on a stack of Zane Grey Books, in cowboy hat and spurs.
He quickly lassoed that crazy tabby cat, and what ensued was quite absurd.
You can guess who won, after the house was torn apart, when they blew up.
But from then on out, they were forever known, as Zane Grey and Giddy Up.

Contest: Chasing the Blues away... 1-30-2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Beer Goggles

It is around the third or fourth pint From reality you disconnect And after about the fifth or sixth Those beer goggles do take effect While looking through beer goggles The glass is always half full Every chick looks a stunner And easy for the pull When wearing those beer goggles You’ve got all the talk Even the fattest and ugliest lasses Can pull off a models catwalk Beer goggles give you confidence Every bird is there for the take Every chest is inviting a grope Whether they be real or fake Beer goggles make you look cool The center of attention and laughter Yes you are the soul of the party The problem comes the morning after The effect of the goggles wears off And your real vision can finally see And you realise that you spent the night With an old hag aged around sixty-three Then the memories coming flooding back Of the night before Soiling yourself in public Vomiting all over the floor Being thrown out of the pub for molesting Urinating against a brick wall It is no small miracle then That you managed to pull at all

Details | Limerick | |

A Man Called Bill

(Limerick) The other day met a man called Bill He just did lots of things for a thrill Got legs up in the air Till along came a bear He hit his head and rolled down the hill. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2012 September, 24,2014

Details | Limerick | |

The Joker 1

(Limerick) Batman and Robin sped to their car But the Joker outran them by far Joker got in it But he didn't fit Then yelled" Guess have to throw my guitar!" Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 09.16.2014

Details | Limerick | |

I Just Can't Win

My wife she says that at housework I suck,

She yelled "pick up a broom you schmuck!"

  But babe, all that cleanin and dustin 

  Leaves no time for drinkin and lustin!

But she said "no dustin, no lustin!"...WTF!

Details | Rhyme | |

October the 8th

The great hands of fate have squeezed their grip on this infallible date! Make way, fermenting 7th, for the intolerable October the 8th! Far, far away the lone lemur leaps with joy to celebrate- The great, insoluble, improvable, October the blasted 8th! D.W, dear, with quirks and beauty that torment and infuriate, Can you not see my flippidy- floppity- flimsy- fedazzled state? See how my nerves leave me prostrate on the coming of this most magical date! October the phone a-flippin, Charles J. Dickens, Squawking chickens, Sexy centaurs strippin, heart sta-ricken, danger dippin' - October the infernal 8th!

Details | Limerick | |

Singing in the shower

I’d love to sing proud and sing loud
But I’m embarrassed I might draw a crowd
So in public I’m dour
Though I sing in the shower
It’s the only time singing loud is allowed

Posted on my blog with an illustration - which you can see here-

Details | Limerick | |

Trying to teach a dog tricks

A fellow got into a
Trying to teach his
dog some new tricks
His canine named
Refused to roll over
And seemed totally
blind to thrown

Details | Clerihew | |

Matt Smith

Matt Smith, sir sonic screwdriver
Can ya lend me a fiver
Let's bet and see who wins
Him or Leno in the Battle of the Chins

Details | Rhyme | |

A Squirrel's Treat

Now there’s a sound I’ve heard before,
The quietest knock on plastic door,
The squirrel on the other side,
Boldly stands, no need to hide,
He knows that there’s nothing to fear,
From the people within here,
But if he can just look so sweet,
He might just earn himself a treat,
And so he stands with widening eyes,
Hoping for a small surprise,
He waits patiently for bread,
With his tail so bushy and red,
Give him it dry and he might just utter,
“Thank you Miss, but where’s the butter?”

Details | Rhyme | |

Where Was He

In a tiny Kingdom, in some far, distant land,

lived 9 hundred subjects, whose ruler was "The Shan"!

With a horrendous temper and prone to take fits,

his subjects walked on eggs, keeping their wits!

For some time, no problem, and it was great,

then a sudden fit, led to a perilous fate!

Now everyone was affected, except for one little man!

I just can't tell you, in fact nobody can,

his exact location, when "The fit hit the Shan"!

Details | Rhyme | |

The Working Week NR

Here we go round the working week
The working week
The working week
Here we go round the working week
Every boring weekday

We gossip around the water cooler
The water cooler
The water cooler
We boss he can see the staff they flee
Every boring weekday

See how we forward our funny email
Our funny email
Our funny email
The boss is here your screen is clear
Every boring weekday

Texting during a staff meeting
A staff meeting
A staff meeting
The boss is aware your phone is no where
Every boring weekday

Details | Epic | |

Gregor the Slowest

Gregor the slowest
Felt nothing but fear
To prove he was worthy
He must kill a deer
A great giant bat
Was chasing him far
He ran and he ran
Towards that tiny North star

The deer weighed a lot
Tied to his small back
He tripped and he fell
He was under attack!
He drew out his sword 
Sort of stumpy and dull
And brandished it boldly
Like the horn of a bull

He slew the fierce beast
Stabbed him with a strong hand
Then he continued to travel
Just like he had planned
But he, he was careless
Not looking around
Big lots of danger
So soon would abound

He tripped and he fell
Like the cretin he was
Right into the swamp
Full of monsters and fuzz
Then all of a sudden
He felt a strange thing
A nip and a nibble
And then a sharp sting

He jumped like a moose
Right out of his skin
He saw a large rat
To his leg it did cling
A bash of his hand 
Then a kick and a stomp
But to no avail
The rat did still romp

He sat in despair
He cried and he sobbed
And he could not swim
So he had to bob
A rat on his leg 
And his face in the mud
He would have been dead
He was in deep crud

But Harry was near
The God of the Dumb
A snap and a crackle
He was out of the scum
Hooray! he did shout
Yippee! and Booyaw!
Then he sat down to chat 
With his savior, the God

“Oh dearest Harry,
My life you did save
To tell you my story
You must be the brave
It is very thrilling, 
A strong heart you must bear
I’ll start from the outset
Its truthful, I swear!”

Gregor felt empty
He needed a friend
He came across Zera
His heart she to mend
But she was a princess
A beauty, a crest
Gregor needed some help
To prove he was best

So he went to the wood
To kill a great deer
He rode off like lightning
Just a small bit of fear
Deer large as a house
Ran into the path
Gregor ran after
But got way off track

Lost as a donkey
He neighed and he brayed
Galloping in circles
His terror displayed
He sat down and cried
But out of the night
Came a huge giant bat
All ready to fight

“And that is my tale”
Said he with a smile
Harry sat straight
And thought for a while
Then he got up and took
Gregor by his small hand
He led him back home
To his native land

Harry led him to Zera
So he could say hi
He said hi very well
And his fortunes did fly
They fell deeply in love
And had many kids
Now Gregor has friends
And a few little squids

And that is the tale 
Of poor little Greg
His fortunes did rise
Right out of the dregs
With some help, he flew
Right out of his hole
Didn’t need to dig down
Like a little blind mole

Details | Cinquain | |


of hungry child 
finds unsavoury fare 
in mysterious crevice of 

Details | Tanka | |

Of Nails And Wood

(A funny Tanka)

Innkeeper: Rooms $15
A night.It's $5 if you make
Your own bed.Guest says:
I'll make my own.Inkeeper:
"Great,"Get you some nails and wood!

Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000

September, 10,2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Surviving Childhood

When we were kids, was a wonderful time,
Plenty to do and almost no crime.
Ike was in Washington running the show,
But how we survived, I will never know.

Sure, nipples and bottles were sterilized,
And the milk we now drank was pasteurized.
But that is as far as our safety went,
The rest would occur without advice or consent.

Now let us start with those formative years,
When we ate and were changed because of our tears.
Then powdered and placed in our bassinets,
While Mom and Dad puffed on their cigarettes. 
Our cabinets contained no safety locks,
And lead paint coated our building blocks.
No gate at the stairs to stop a nosedive,
It’s a wonder that we are still alive.

Our car seat was the one the whole family used,
Now can you ever remember being bruised?
Cause Mom or Dad’s arm would stop our fall,
And prevented many a close call.

We were never harnessed or ever tethered,
And could run free and totally unfettered.
But if we did fall, and skinned a knee,
Iodine or Bactine was the remedy.

Now when JFK took over the reins, 
We took part in some very perilous games.
Tackle football, with no equipment was one,
And chasing each other with BB guns. 

And climbing a tree to the highest branch,
Was just another way of taking a chance.
King of the mountain was always a thrill,
And a very good test of strength and skill.

Then are wheels went from two to four,
And there were roads and highways to explore.
Often at speeds that were over the limit,
And sometimes resulting in a ticket.
There were many an instance, if we look back,
When we almost gave are parents a heart attack.
But somehow we kept our arms and legs,
And were never treated like a basket of eggs.

But for today’s kids there still may be hope,
And one day they may swing over a pond on a rope.
Or know the fun of an snowball fight,
And washing with Lava before saying goodnight.


Details | Limerick | |

The Crow

I once heard a knock at my door
And there was a crow repeating "No more"
I was so taken aback
I hit him with a rack
And sent him crashing right on the floor!


Details | Rhyme | |

I Shouldn't Have Watched Girls Gone Wild

I used to watch those Girls Gone Wild videos but I stopped.
The last one that I saw was so shocking that my jaw dropped.
At first everything was fine but then I suddenly screamed "No, not her!"
The reason why I suddenly screamed was because I saw my daughter.
Seeing her on that video nearly gave me a heart attack, I was in a bad shape.
I called the Girls Gone Wild phone number and I ordered all of those tapes.
I burned every one of those tapes after I doused them with gas.
Then I told my daughter that if she ever removes her top again, I'll kick her ass.
I made a firm decision right there and then.
I swore never to watch Girls Gone Wild again.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Rhyme | |

Don't eat my Pickles

I make my own pickles but they're no good.
When it comes to eating them, no one should.
They're even worse than the ones Aunt Bee made.
If you ever eat one, you'd better be afraid.
They taste like kerosene even though they're dill.
Don't eat my pickles, they've been known to kill.
A woman wanted some rat poison but she used my pickles instead.
In less than five minutes, every rat in her house was dead.
A man just took a bite of one of my pickles and he's gone blind.
If the dumbass had listened to me, he wouldn't be in this bind.
A lady wasted her money when she bought a baby carriage.
She ate one of my pickles and then she had a miscarriage.
If you come to my house, you'd better listen to me on the double.
Don't you dare eat one of my pickles or you will be in trouble.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Limerick | |

Hot Melted Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas, 
 And all through Wyoming. 
 I was looking for another way, 
 To greet all my homies. 

 I in my jacket. 
 Ma, in sub-zero, 
 We drove to the local sandwich shop, 
 For a hot melted hero. 

 Two for the road, 
 I exclaimed to the gal. 
 Make it snappy, 
 Before Ma gives me hell. 

 We were back on the road. 
 Quicker than quick, 
 Then Ma yelled, STOP! 
 They forgot the Garlic. 

 So back to shop, 
 We rushed right away. 
 Only to find, 
 They done closed for the day. 

 Well, need be I say, 
 Ma was more than a little upset. 
 So she wrote "You A$$H@les" on the window, 
 With her hot melted wreck. 

 I watched Ma kicking and screaming, 
 as the officers dragged her away. 
 So I waved and I shouted, 
 "They say you'll get out, on New Year's day. 

Guess you won't be needing that Christmas present? 

I'll exchange it for ya. 

Love ya Ma." 

Details | Tanka | |

Play With Me Papa

Play with me Papa
Dance like a princess Papa
Time to have tea Papa
Let's go to the park Papa
Wake up it's not bedtime Papa

Details | Limerick | |

Ms Jack And Tack

There was once a lady called Ms Jack
Who lived near a grass region called Tack.
When prickled by the grasses
On her way with her glasses.
She let down her glasses and her Jack.

For Andrea's "Show Me The Funny" Contest. 

Details | Rhyme | |

39A to 39Z

When I was young, I noticed
Many adults stopped aging at 39.
Had something to do with Jack Benny
And trying to hold back time.
Then I noticed something else.
They often spoke of retiring at 65,
And many of them seemed to hope
They might still be alive.
The difference came to 26, 
A number I knew very well.
The number of letters in the alphabet
We use to print and write and spell.

Then it occurred to me,
For folks holding youth so dear,
Just add a letter to 39
Each and every year.
39A would be 40,
39Z would be 65.
After that, start letters over again
Or just be glad you’re still alive.
So, you see, it’s easy
To forever be 39.
You may fool yourself & others, 
But you can’t fool Father Time.

Details | Rhyme | |


I am a little elf Tinier than a mouse I live in a bluebell forest In a mushroom house I don’t have a lot of money If I did that would be cool I could upgrade my living quarters Into a top of the range toadstool Living in a mushroom house Has its down side you see Pesky giants keep coming along And take it for their tea If I could afford a poisonous toadstool Giants would never come near And I could live out my days In peace without any fear No, giants and I don’t mix I wish they’d stay clear from my zone We would get along much better If they didn’t eat me out of house and home It seems it’s only me that they pick on I really don’t know why If they stopped eating, got to know me well They’d see I was quite a ‘fungi’

Details | Limerick | |

Slow Suicide

McNeer couldn’t take it no mo’
By rope-in-tree he would go
 - Nerve’s gone I fear
 - It’s been near a year
(He’s waitin’ for the saplin’ to grow!)

Details | Rhyme | |

Sharing Poetry Is About Being Close

 Welcome! Take a seat, and please do slouch. 
 In fact, lay down on this psychiatric couch. 

 Tell me, exactly what ails you today? 
 You say your head hurts. Explain, in what way? 

 Is this problem new or ongoing for years? 
 What are some of your biggest fears? 

 Tell me all about your childhood. 
 Was it traumatic or mostly good? 

 Is your family close or full of strife? 
 Which activities are part of your life? 

 How do you feel about the opposite sex? 
 Are you dwelling on past regrets? 

 Have you been having recurrent dreams? 
 What are some of the common themes? 

 When conflict arises, how do you deal? 
 Tell me, how does that make you feel? 

 Less discuss some coping techniques. 
 How about we meet again in two weeks? 

 Here, take this prescription, and water with each dose. 
 Sharing poetry is about being close.

Details | Limerick | |

Worried Doctor

There once was a doctor from Perth
Who wanted to leave planet earth.
For his nurse did inject
And dietetically wreck
A heavyweight champion's girth.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Eating Habits Of Vanilla Gussett

I am me!

I am beautiful greediest me!

I'm quite simply gigantic, enormous, colossal- bigantic!

I'm huge I'm not small I could fill Albert hall -

What a beautiful thing to be me.


I can eat a cake shop in one sitting

Forty boxes of chocs without quitting,

If I had half a mind to-

I could well be inclined to

-Start over again, food permitting.


They say I've no stomach to diet.

'Lazy lummock!' they scream. 'You must try it!'

I just laugh from my belly

Till it wobbles like jelly,

'Come on then,' I say, 'come and fry it!'


It is said I'm too lazy to chew.

It's an art, It's not easy to do.

I just open my gob

And with a flick and a lob-

Down the hatch, tallyho, toodaloo!

Details | Free verse | |


Cowboys aren’t smart.
They are from California and the tale of how the West was won.
They ride horses and make movies that many times is watched by dudes.

Cowboys are smart.
They are from California and how the West was won.
They ride horses and rope cattle and build log cabins that they say is their seat in Heaven.

Cowboy movies are liked by many and they always want to fight Indians.
A cowboy can be a real idiot and when he wants to be a genius, he is real witty.

Cowboys and how the West was won.
Very funny…

Details | Limerick | |

Super Golfer

         “Super Golfer”             “Limerick”    

There was a weird Dictator around.		
When he played eighteen holes of golf round
aides clasped ball with toes
and put it in holes.
He scored “three hole-in-ones”. What a clown.


Details | Free verse | |

Maybe I am just another monkey

If you sit a monkey in front of a computer
There is a chance, no matter how far flung
That if it presses buttons at random
It will type a magnum opus
Well, I took a dictionary today
And guess what
The words were always there
I just picked and rearranged them

Details | I do not know? | |

Funny Quotes


"I hate maths, when I was a kid there was always have a maths problems subject, maths problem, and I have to solve it... Why I have to solve it? Why don't the maths grow up and solve his own problem?"

Quotes by: Deddy Corbuzier , Indonesian Magician & Presenter

Details | Ballad | |

Sir Archibald and The Black Knight - Part 2

“That girl’s going nowhere; she’s got socks to clean!”
The Black Knight did answer, he really was mean.
“If you’ve come here to get her I’ll give you a kick,
And knock you over with my big pointy stick!”

“So be it,” said Archie, “I’ll give you a chance,
To beat me on horseback, with sword or with lance!”
The Black Knight closed his visor and climbed on his horse,
A steed known as Twilight (he was black too of course!).

They rode at each other as fast as they could,
Both aiming their lances as all good knights should,
Sir Archibald’s lance hit the Black Knight square on,
He fell off his horse and our hero had won.

“Oh please do not hurt me!” the Black Knight did cry,
“I’ve grazed both my knees and got mud in my eye.
You can take the fair maiden. I’ll look after my health,
By not picking fights and doing housework myself!”

The girl was so happy her eyes filled with tears,
She had been locked in that tower for years and years.
She’d been there for so long her beautiful hair,
Had grown longer and longer, it lay everywhere.

The poor maiden cried, “I may have to stay,
I cannot escape here. My hair’s in the way!”
 “Don’t worry my dear; I’ve got something for that!”
And he scooped it all up in a big purple hat.

And so ends our tale, just as it should be,
With hero and maiden both safe and happy,
And the evil Black Knight, whom we mustn’t forget,
Is now whiter than white, and owns a laundrette.

Details | Limerick | |

One For Kicks

I know a bird who sways and swings
He jumps and kicks and flaps his wings
He cannot fly in stormy weather
He cannot strut his fluffy feathers
So instead he sits and sings.

Details | Epitaph | |

Cornelius Gus Huss - Witty Epitaph


Herein lies Cornelius Gus Huss Who wanted more muscles and then plus Til one day he had more of his "juice". It killed him when he combined it with booze! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2011 September,24,2014

Details | Limerick | |


There once was a man named Bond Who loved brunettes, redheads and blonde Till one came, and just say "Mr. Bond, this is for you" And she killed him, right there by the pond! Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 October,5,2014

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Playground Bench

Little Lilly wanted to go, to the playground, to have some fun the other day.
And all the other Trolls wanted to tag along, for it looked like fun, they said.
So we went at dusk, for our first try, so no wee ones, would be anywhere near.
For you know, Trolls can play pretty hard, and I didn’t know, just what to fear.

I quickly found a bench as home base, for those who needed to have a time out.
Anyone who couldn’t play gently, or broke anything, found they’d get the rout.
First the sandbox became a deep, dark hole, from which to pop up, to scare, thereat.
Of course, dodge ball became club ball, so you can guess what happened with that.

King of the Hill was a really big thing, since they are all, the most territorial, by half.
Surprisingly, the slide was all-OK, but trouble came from underneath, as they laughed.
They wanted to exact a toll, of course, in the middle, as you passed above, quite brief.
The merry-go-round made them dizzy, knocking everyone down, in a domino motif.

The Seesaws became a great big catapult… to the other far side of the playground.
The monkey bars! Well, they aren’t monkeys, that’s for darned certain, I expound!
They tripped, fell, and smacked themselves senseless with no ones’ help, I ensure.
It could’ve been climbed much better, if not covered in so much drool, I’m sure.

Swings became broken as they pushed the others, all the way to the moon, oops!
And basketball became a slam-dunk, as unfortunately they didn’t fit in the hoops.
Hop Scotch took coordination, and you have to be able to wait your turn, too…
So, as in tag, they started bumping and fighting, until becoming a crazy piled up dado.

Races started more fights as all wanted to win, and threw everyone out of their way!
Hearing a laugh, I turned around to see Grandpa Troll, was ready to stop the moray.
He stood near the bench, as I stood looking up, amazedly, at what they had done.
Now, there were other benches everywhere, but they were piled high, on a single one.

I’ll never truly understand the brain of a Troll, for them a playground’s just not fun.
And they don’t play gently, and are bigger, than our wee folk, as I had already known.
They spent the night, putting things to right, even better than before they’d been broke.
And I finally took them home, to find OTHER things, designed especially, for OUR folk.

Details | Rhyme | |

Gimimore Garbage

A messy dwarf called Gimimore Garbage Who lives up to his name A hoarder and collector On other dwarves brings shame He will collect anything To him rubbish is pure gold Keeps everything he finds Nothing to be sold From rusty old bicycles Of them he has quite a few To plastic bags full of You guessed it, doggy poo Second hand babies diapers Why he’d one of those Unwashed discarded handkerchiefs With snot from a runny nose While most dwarves are philosophical Would consider themselves a thinker Gimimore is nothing more Than a messy little stinker Gimimore is disgusting With him you wouldn’t be seen And never shake him by the hand You don’t where he’s been His home is filled from floor to roof With other’s discarded trash Not too surprising then He’s always seen with itchy rash So we’ll leave Gimmimor Garbage And his hoarding way I’ll tell you about that other dwarf Itchy Rash another day.

Details | Rhyme | |

On the Bench

On the bench and eating lunch
I came across this little hunch
I wonder if she'll come on by
I wonder if she'll come say hi

Now everyday she takes a jog
While I sit and eat just like a hog
Corned beef on rye bought from the deli
My breath, oh no, its very smelly

Oh look at her he's just on time
Gracefully jogging, that's no crime
Racing to my bench so deftly
Seeing her she looks so sweaty

Sitting down she says"May I?"
I offered her my piece of pie
"No thanks" said she "I watch my weight"
Would she, I hope, go on a date?

"You're not my type, I'm vegan, see
When I see meat I go queasy
My rest is done I must be off"
No date tonight the news was tough

So now alone on my park bench
Some juice i have, my thirst to quench
What once a dream of love to be
Is now again lost fantasy

So should I change and be vegan
And work to be a new he-man
And then a woman comes so near
Smiling and saying "Can I sit here?"

Think I will just wait and see
What becomes of this new fantasy

Details | Couplet | |



What makes me cry is not  a sweet word  
Humor, sadness, loss or  anything  so absurd,
But  the whole  raft of rules I gotta obey.
There must be “ No Names”   but without my name, hey. . .   
How will favorites like me be rewarded?
I must “please date”.  Must be a new poem, and regarded
As such, so as usual I will pick out one of my oldies, re-title it, 
Change one word, add today’s date,  and that’s the whole bit.
I must use “spell check”  instead of just
Turning in any old guff  -  which I usually must.
I have to use any form which is acceptable, the norm,
Except, “ I don't know” which is my favorite form, 
So instead I will simply call it ‘verse’, 
Cos that’s pretty much the same thing, but worse.
These rules and regulations are cramping my natural style
Sooner than enter such a contest I would walk a mile.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
A light-hearted, humorous piece, not to be  misinterpreted , except by the paranoid. 
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . .
Written  27  July  2012
Entered in Lisa Cooper ~Dark Poetess’s   Contest  One Silver Tear

Details | Free verse | |

Kung phew

Over the years I've spent many hours 
And a lot of money
On trying to master
The ancient art of kung fu
Just like other students do.

Then one night on TV
An advert saying
Master the art of kung fu
In half an hour
For free!.

So I put on my king fu suit
And travelled to the place
And suddenly a very old Chinese  man
With a long beard on his face

Out of nowhere
He produced a jar full of bees
Opened the jar
And set them free.

Well the students threw 
Their arms and legs
Punches and kicks
all over the place
At a lightening pace.

We were all awarded
A belt of the highest degree
Now I'm not scared of anyone
Thanks to the Chinese man
And his jar of bees.

''Did you hear the one about the karate expert who joined the army,
 and killed himself on the first day  the first day? 

He saluted.''

Peter Dome.copyright.2914.march.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Mum

The first to wake
Another day
Another show
Boom boom, shake shake
Sleepy yawns
Wakey wake

Supermarket run
I used to find them so much fun
Until she decided to scream and shout
Bring it on girl
Loud and all out
I’ll just go and hide on my cloud

Ready steady bake
Last to eat the cake
“Have you had some Mum?”
No darling, you take

Mechanical moves
Automated mind
I don’t mind
I’d like for you to shed me
Some kind
Spend some time
To simply find
It’s healthy at times to be blind

I push, I pull
Kids to school
I wish I were just 
Horizontal in a pool

I could just walk out
“No mum that’s not cool”
Would I be such a fool?
But I’m the queen you know
I make the rules

The irritating whining song
A bell at the door
I really need a manicure; it’s been so long
Door again
Ting tong
“What took you so long?”
I’m sorry 
I was busy window-shopping in Hong Kong

“Where’s my glove mum?”
Deep breathes, play dumb
“Where’s my recorder mum?”
One, two, three
Numb numb
“Sweetheart bring me the remote”
Here darling, stick it up your bum

The first to wake
The first to leave home
I want to be first in bed some days
To sit around and just laze
I need a haircut, some highlights
“Are you listening mum?”

Details | Limerick | |

King Arthur

(Limerick) There once was an owl named Argonne That read a lot of King Arthur and Avalon Of Merlin & the sword of Power Of Camelot, and all the square Knights, who sat 'round when Art call'd upon! Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 10.4.2014

Details | Limerick | |


The coven of witches heard a loud knock. Who is it? Shout'd a voice behind the cloak. " It is me said Poe The one that you know" And everyone chant'd "Nevermore" with a mock! Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright2014 September,25,2014

Details | Free verse | |

Subconscious On My Mind

She visits in my dreams,
A place that I love to go,
For when my body is sleeping;
My subconscious starts to show.

She is not the same as when I’m awake,
She is fierce and unafraid; 
She watches over the pillows,
Where my head is soundly laid. 

She has wings just like an Angel,
Only hers are made of light;
With brilliant rainbow hues,
Enough to shine throughout the night. 

To me she looks much older,
Maybe even wise; 
One look at me and I know,
She can see right through my lies.

For her and I are one,
No hiding from the truth;
She understands that I’m growing,
Developing from my youth. 

She never passes judgment,
For herself would be included;
Her thoughts are always brilliant;
And never convoluted.  
I’m referring to my soul;
Aged throughout my lives.
She gives my words their meanings;
And my body is what she drives.

Inspiring my movements,
And wiping all of my tears;
Her voice is mine but rings through,
My head and out my ears. 

Perhaps it’s her who is writing this,
Giving me the rhyme;
My subconscious and my consciousness;
Working together for all of time. 

Although most won’t understand this,
That it is about a different part of me,
Tonight under the full-moon;
I’m setting my spirit free.

Allowed to dance in the stars,
And run across the sky;
Only to return to our body,
Suppressing her urge to fly. 

Details | Limerick | |

By Now


By now, the crowd was cheering 
while some of them were leering 
looking at the treaters 
pushing at the streeters 
that were from the trees swingin' 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 


Details | Rhyme | |

Just because I said 'I do'

Just because I said 'I do'
Doesn't mean I need to stand when I want to use the loo

If its brown flush it down, so the experts say
But if you stand to use the loo please leave the seat where it once did lay

When in a rush to use the privy
I feel like a complete divvy

When my posterior hits the porcelain
Where once a wooden seat had lain

So men when you stand up to pee
Think of others – especially me

Leave the seat where it once sat
And make sure you leave the beggar flat!

Achieved 7th place in contest run by SKAT

Details | Grook | |

Quid Pro Quo

Quid pro quo                                                                                                          Penny ante                                                                                                              It is only a penny for your thoughts                                                                           Unless you do not know?                                                                                         Happiness can’t be bought                                                                                        With no money to burn and a penny saved is a penny earned                                             Why do you put in your two cents worth?

Details | Rhyme | |

Fluff and Stuff

Silly kittens made of fluff
Pouncing, sliding, snagging stuff
Butterflies that float on by
Out of reach but still they try

Rolling wrestling cotton balls
Soon so tired from their falls
Lying down with mommy purring
Not a kitten soon is stirring

Details | Prose Poetry | |

How Did Santa Claus Broke The Reindeer Back

How Santa Claus broke the reindeer back

I am just disappointed he is such a play ball; he refuses to joined the community gym, he have no consideration for a hard working reindeer like me. Please do us all a favor and stop telling everyone that you’re tall and slim Mr. Claus
Santa put this in your pipe and smokes it. I am forming a union; you can contact my Lawyer Mr. Tin Tin

 I need some Fringe benefits else I am going to quit; year after year after year I chauffeur you around
This is not a smooth ride on green grass, it’s cold, cold snow “please looked around.
Breaking into people houses late at night, dropping off toys, we are plaster on every walls and poles
Santa this reindeer is off radar; you get off your fat ass or hire Casper the friendly ghost.

Details | Free verse | |

Methane Bertha

Her name was Methane Bertha
And if you met you'd know why
There's always a southern wind blowing
Everyone she meets holds their nose
And then says goodbye.

She eats nothing but sprouts coffee and beans
She has a massive deriaire and isn't very clean
Bertha once had a date
At last it was her fate
But it's so hard to kiss someone
With a gas mask on your face.

Her best friend smelly Janet
Had a lovely thought
She bought Bertha a present
in the shape of a cork.

Bertha placed it carefully
Where the sun doesn't shine
But the gas just built up inside of her
She grew like a balloon
And floated in the air.

The fire brigade was called 
And they rushed as fast as they can
But soon as they saw it was Bertha
They turned around and hastily dropped their plan.

Eventually the cork flew out
And Bertha landed safely upon the ground
With a very long southern wind kinda sound.

One day Bertha was out in town
And everyone around ran away
It was methane Bertha
And they knew a southern wind would blow them away.

Well one day Bertha met her man
He had a constant cold
So didn't understand.

He was a trumpet player called Angelo from Peru
It wasn't long before she had learned to play the trumpet too
That southern wind would give out a cheerful tune
And very soon
They gave outside concerts
Around the world
And run their car on methane
And would blow together so romantic
Under the stars and moon.

If ever you see Bertha
My advice to you
Is to wear a close peg on your nose
Like the locals do.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014. July.

Details | Rhyme | |

You're Fired

You're a person who we shouldn't have hired.
You were the mail lady but now you're fired!
You are a moron, you don't have a lick of sense.
You've been reading people's mail, that's a federal offense.
You read a married man's letter to his lover who is pregnant with his child.
You told his wife and now he's going to sue us, because of you he's riled.
Two days ago you stole a child's money when his uncle mailed him cash.
When I decided to hire you, I had no idea that I was hiring a piece of trash.
I'm so pissed off that I'm starting to pace the floor and shout.
Leave now and please let the door hit your ass on your way out.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Couplet | |


They're funny, the noodles,
if they are not oodles.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Haiku | |


where are my glasses? aha! at last I found you sitting on my nose

Details | Limerick | |

Dorian Gray


There was a man called Dorian Gray
Who tried hard not to get old and gray 
So a swap he just did
Portrait wrinkles did rid 
Till his rotten flesh ate it away. 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 

September,10, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

A Woman Named Flo


There once was a woman named  Flo 
Who did it by the way that you know 
She had a long nose 
And alligators in tow 
Who ate her nose and each of her toes! 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
aka ladydp2000 


Details | Sonnet | |

Prithee fair maiden

Prithee fair maiden for the knight, that com'th
amid the mists the sound of hoofs birds harked
from darkened woods the Red Sox hymn he hum'th
on rocks the chestnut's hipposandals sparked.

And whither tallt he go'th, for virtue's worth
endeavors in the past and feats he wrought
eloped with thee beseeching lust and mirth,
now saileth to New England 'pon his yacht.

Whence comest thou, fair maiden of the mist?
refulgent and caliginous thy sight,
noctilucent and by the winds sole kissed,
responding with negation to his plight.

A box of chocolates doth naught to enchant
behind her veils the Fenway she recant'th.

© 06-29-2013, G. V., All rights reserved

Details | Rhyme | |

Fowl Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving?  Oh no!  Not again!
I meet each one with chagrin

Such rejoicing, good fun
For everyone

Well, ‘cept me … I’m the Turkey, you see.

Details | Haiku | |

My Phone

Oh old mobile phone
Thanks for fixing my toilet
Now scared to touch you

Details | Haiku | |


A suffocation
Poor poetry drowns me out
Most of it my own

Details | Rhyme | |

No Soup For You

People loved my soup but they hated me.
Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.
I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary.
I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry.
Everybody knew something that was certainly true.
When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!"
I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line.
My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind.
I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread.
When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead.
Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business.
I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess.
I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow.
I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow!

(This poem was inspired by a Seinfeld episode.)

Details | Free verse | |

If Jane Were a Feminist


What's with that yelling already?

Me Tarzan, Me Man, Me Make Noise

I can see that.  Inside voice, please.
You'll wake up Cheetah and you know
How grumpy he gets if his nap is interrupted

Me Tarzan

Enough, I know already
Me hungry, Jane make lunch

Now wait a minute Jungle Boy, I'm tired
Of waiting on you hand and foot
Make your own lunch

Woman take care of Man, Woman listen to Man, Law of Jungle

Says who?


That doesn't impress me, loin cloth breath!

Jane talk funny since trip to Ameeereeka

Listen here tree vine jockey, I learned a lot in New Joysee
Women have rights, they used to burn their bras

What is bras, me no understand

Didn't think so.  Either you treat me with respect or I'm out of here!

Where Jane go?

Maybe back to New Joysee

Tarzan listen Jane
Jane teach Tarzan respect

Now you're talking
First lesson, what's for lunch?

Details | Light Poetry | |


Twinkling little elephant toes
 Prancing through the Garden Of Woes,
 Sniffing daisies
 With his long dainty nose.

 "Good morning to you", 
 says a cute butterfly.
 With cheeks glowing pink
 The mammoth creature whispers, "Hi".

 Turning from pink
 To bright crimson red,
 He bats his lashes
 And hides his head.

 As the butterfly turns
 And flutters away,
 The prancing little elephant
 Continues to play.

 I realize then
 That it's time for bed.
 Cuz, the dancing pink elephant
 Is all in my head!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Building a Beautiful Body

I wanted a buff body, to look good in my "snuggs".
But ignored advice doled out by fitness droids.
Like: never use performance enhancing drugs
or be tempted to use Anabolic Steroids.
After 6 months, I just look like a thug wearing a rug…
…with a Nasty Squint and Diabolic Hemorrhoids

[this poem was first published on my blog -
with one of my sketch doodles & makes more sense in context of the whole post]

Details | Rhyme | |

Just Because I Said, I Do

Just because I said, I do
Does not mean I will
Pick up all my messes 
Wipe up every spill

You know that I'm a slob
But just what can I do
I hope you know I do my best
Trying to please you

And just because I said, I do
Doesn't mean I won't
Say that you snore too loud
Even though you don't

I know it's just the wind 
Blowing hard outside
Maybe it's a train
On clacking tracks it rides

So just because I said, I do
Does not mean I can't
Point out all your issues
And listen to you rant

Sometimes you descend on me
Like an eagle from the sky
Striking at my failures
The wounds still make me cry

I think just because I said, I do
You think that I always should
Do everything you ask of me
Because it's for my good

My love this does not work for me
And life's a long, long road
So please do me a favor
And lighten up the load

You think just because I said, I do
You own my very life
I say I'll share with you
And keep you as my wife

I'm not sure you like the deal
Your face is hard to read
And just because you said, I do
You soon must concede

I know just because I said, I do
That we will never part
And that is just fine with me
Because you have all my heart

I'll try my best for you 
Of this have no doubt
But when I do screw up
Please don't scream or pout

Just because I said, I do
I'll say one last thing
Forget all I said before
I 'm glad you wear my ring

Details | Limerick | |

A Big Bird From Cantoon

( Limerick) A big bird from Cantoon could not fly With his wings spread open he perch'd high But the branch then just broke Fell and it wasn't a joke Thought that he was dead and start'd to cry! Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 10.4.2014

Details | Limerick | |

There Was An Old Man

There was an old man with no shoes Who liked watching the news When he was shouting And also demanding "Just go, and get me more booze! Dorian Petersen Potter Aka ladydp2000 Copyright@2014 September.21.2014

Details | Free verse | |

Love Hurts - The Symptoms

Thoughts displaced by rolling palpitations,
From left to right grow these numbing sensations,
A face which spirals down, drooping from smile to frown.

Time hibernates in this moment protracted,
Legs bow and shake to our drama just acted,
Senses into overdrive, does pain show you’re still alive?

Oxygen masks, Coxes’ rowing commands,
Heart beat machines is what love demands,
“You need time to relax”, prescriptions from Quacks,
Is love just a commonplace heart attack?

Details | Couplet | |

A rank and a prank

The higher the rank, 
the droller the prank.

Volodymyr Knyr

Details | Rhyme | |

I'll Go First

Every week on Friday
McGee worked late at night
But this time would be different
The work load seem real light

So he left a little early
Punched his card and tipped his hat
Then headed to O'Malley's
For a stiff one and some chat

But a feeling seem to come to him
Perhaps He'd just go home
And surprise his little wife
That's waiting there alone

So he walks down the empty streets
"Till he made it to his door
Takes his shoes off as he enters
As to tip-toe cross the floor

That's when he hears some noise
Cracks the bedroom door to see
His Buddy Finn and his wife
Are making merrily 

Oh, McGee he got so flustered 
But didn't stop their fun
And slowly crept away
To the next room for his gun

He was locked and Loaded
When he kicked right through the door
With the gun at his head, He said,
"I can't take this anymore"

But his wife left the bed
And knelt down on her knees
And begged him not to kill himself
and "Put the gun down,Please"

McGee then looked upon his wife
His expression was quite vexed
Then he told her to "SHUT UP"
Cause she was surly NEXT !

Details | Limerick | |

The Beard

(Limerick )

His beard was as white as pure snow
And look'd  like the Santa that you all know
He washes it with rice
And keeps it so nice
And each day rubs it hard to make grow!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000

September, 8, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

The Circle


The Circle of witches all heard a loud knock 
"Come in!" Said a voice behind a big rock 
But it wasn't "the Raven" 
And sure wasn't a Haven 
So all run out  just wearin' socks and no frock! 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
Aka ladydp2000 

September 10, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Hedgehog - adult


Details | Free verse | |

keep thinking

f you think 
that at some point 
you will finally 
what it means
keep thinking

Details | Rhyme | |

Cunning Ways to Lose Weight - Part 1

My doctor says I’m overweight,
I’m in the orange band,
To make it to the yellow zone
I’ll need a helping hand.

So he’s cancelled Sunday breakfast
And sworn me off scotch eggs,
He’s drained my car of petrol
Chuckling ‘Learn to use your legs!’

But I don’t really buy it.
There’s alternatives to diet.

I used to have a ponytail,
So first I had that chopped.
I filed off my fingernails -
They didn’t do a lot.

I syphoned every orifice,
That’s ears and nostrils too,
Then shaved all up and down the stairs
And blocked my pores with glue.

I bought myself a leotard
All webbed and made of feather
And leaf-thin flip-flops filled with air
(I’m hoping for good weather).

So the morning of the retest came,
I wandered down the road
And got savaged by a pit bull,
Who chewed off all my toes.

And thanks to that good fortune,
When I stepped on the machine,
The doctor said ‘I’ve got good news!
You’re one gram in the green.’

Details | Verse | |

Canadian Mountie in Glasgow

A man from the Canadian Mounties 
Joined the Strathclyde police,
Seconded to tame the gangs
Of the inner Glasgow streets.

But on one sunny day
In Southern Lanarkshire,
A horse escaped from its stable
To bring some local fear.

So they called our Canadian pal
To see how he rides a horse,
And if he could tame the stallion
In the style of the Canadian force.

As he approached the GG
It let the man sit on its back,
Who bragged to his uniformed pals
"See I ain't no Mountie hack".

But slowly creeping behind 
Sergeant Jock gave the horse a wack,
The horse responded in kind
And bolted with its rider bear back.

To the shock of our Mountie friend
Being scared he'll hit the deck,
Grabbed the horse real tight
With sleeper hold around its neck.

But the horse just panicked more
And ran as fast as it could,
With the pride of the mounted police
'Round it's neck straight into the wood.

So the rest of the police on duty
followed the horse and its jockey,
Laughing and running so hard
Thinking of jokes that could mock him.

They eventually found the horse
Without our Mountie friend,
For the horse threw off Canadian pride
When their run had come to and end.

Now if you ask our Mountie friend
"Do you ride horses anymore",
He'll smile and wink as he tells you
"I've never ridden a horse before".

Note : this is a true story. A Strathclyde (Glasgow) policeman told me so it must be true

Details | Light Poetry | |

My 1st Bike

The best damn bike - I’d ever seen
Metallic paint - British Racing Green
Retro Styled – built for fun, not speed
A fine design – very fine indeed
Out for a spin - to the shops and back
In a short time - I’d got the knack
Down the hill – wasn’t even trying
But man alive – I was really flying
What’s that – a bloody cat!
Waved my arms – shouted "SCAT!"
The dumb thing froze – like a dust mop
Yanked on the anchors – rapid stop
Slammed down hard – on the cross-bar
White hot pain – testicular trauma
Truth be told – I’m no wimp
But to this day – I walk with a limp

[Originally published on my blog on world poetry day]

Details | Rhyme | |

A Poem Of Trickery And Fun

Fat or skinny
Short or long
There is no way to go wrong
When their put inside your buns
It becomes a lot of fun
They can squirt stuff from inside
They are moist and sometimes dry
Plumping up when they get hot
They are loved a very lot
You will find women and men
With these in their mouths and then
They will swallow every bit
Of this treats deliciousness
This meaty and tasty treat
Measured in inches and feet
Is enjoyed by one and all
Some are big and others small
This treat that I am speaking of
Is the world famous hot dog
Shame on all your dirty minds
Thinking all my written lines
Were about mens private parts
Laughing I fooled lots and lots

Details | Limerick | |

True Story

While waiting for my ride beside the road
My driver arrived in time to behold
A car hit slush to soak me
Eyes to feet, wet as could be.
Tears ran from his eyes when this tale he told.

My co-workers heard this humorous tale
As with such mirth this story he'd regale.
I received no sympathy
For events that befell me.
The driver that soaked me should be in jail.

The melting snow is a thing to be feared.
Witnesses say that the evil car veered
On purpose, hitting the slush
Just to watch my cold face flush.
I can't wait until this weather has cleared.

Details | Free verse | |

Just as if I'd

rocking the boat                                                                                                -    Hey Hey what are you doing                                                                                            There is a snake

Details | Limerick | |

A Certain Actress


A certain actress lost it all to a man
Who she thought was a great handyman
To have him around 
But was so astound 
When he left her and moved to Japan!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Details | Haiku | |



!               Gathering clouds, then;
             rain. a pool! a puddle! a torrent! 
              then, an  almighty splash

Details | Rhyme | |


not just any jokes;
but a humorous prank,
in dirty deeds and actions.
a banana peel for slipping,
a whoopie cushion for surprising.
series of sarcasms for icebreakers,
at last, untold execution of tickling for random giggles.
and maybe a secret diss in your wish list.

Details | Free verse | |

Hail to the Dragon Slayers

We know we are right and we will fight
If you dare appose us we will bite
When good doers think they have a chance
We take their idea and we do the dance
We are the law that makes the choice
And no one can keep their face in a good poise
Because we will smack them with a hammer
As we see them we will make them stammer
Just because we are justice
And we try to do some odd practice
Now we will get back on track
We the people take charge and attack
Wait, what are we attacking? the people that are not right
Oh! thats just my brothers and sisters oh! they are a sight
Now look here, we, we the people makes laws
It doesn't matter how many people open their jaws
I'm all confused, we are the people, did we not choose?
We are, but certain people are just to loose

Fine, this is what the new law we want to appose
Why? because we are confused about what we chose
Using we as a word is to many
It takes all of us even granny
So this is what we want to do, is put I and you separate
And the other that we are to choose to elaborate
I am going to say this, we are to many individuals
So we separate the ones who are good doers
That does not make sense
To put all the yous and I's in a group, it's just dense
Are you with me? no I am with myself in this
I am going to rub it in your face and be in a bliss
So I will do the justice myself, and you has decide to disobey
This is what I mean to do, and it will be O.K.
Debating myself is some what kinda weird
You need to be by my side because we make choices better
So this time you and I will just make justice a letter

The clue is what we do that is some what true
It's funny when words play a game to argue the virtue
When I mean I, I mean I, and when I say you, it is you
When I say we, it is us, and that is what my argument is all about, too.
Fifty, fifty is what the Dragon Slayer is saying, it becomes no greater nor smaller
We are all at fault and our decisions that we have made is for all of us to stand taller
Even when it is wrong and we do things to put down the strong
And our arguments become pointless and long
Our justice is when we started to put it on paper and making it a law that stand
So all of us, in the long run will simply decide to band

Details | ABC | |


         THE PARTY

There's a party going on in my subconscious
There's a siesta in my head

if it wasn't for all this excitement
 i might as well be brain dead

There are fireworks in my motor area
New year in my cortex

in my cerebellum it's Christmas
who says all on my brain is sex

Da Predman powriginalpoems2makeu:)
Da Urban poetry collection 2002

Details | Limerick | |

You only have to know where to look

Who entered a pub for a round?
A rabbi with frog quite renowned
The bar tender, Pat
Asked, “Where did you get that?"
“In Brooklyn!" said the frog, “That's where they're found!"

Details | Light Poetry | |

chest hair

i love the way your chest hair smells
it makes me feel quite rude
it smells much better than old spice
and mothers home made food

Details | Free verse | |

Thoughts Aloud

No matter who,

No matter where,

No matter when,

It only matters why and what for.



Yesterday was early,

Tomorrow will be late,

Today I have no time.



You can’t train in a gym?

 You want to look young and slim?

Stay close to the old ones and fat.

There are many ways to skin a cat.



Sometimes I think:

Here is my happiness.

But after a drink for two

I see that it’s just another experience.



I am allergic to Scotch.

When I drink a lot of it

My tongue begins to itch.



I am on the seventh heaven!

I am here a baron!

Don’t place a ladder

If you don’t want to be a scrapper!

I will never go down

As I don’t want to be a clown!



SMS from someone’s wife:

Went to the place you’ve sent,

I understand what you’ve meant.

Behave here like a whore and ask myself:

Why didn’t I listen to you before?



A good thought means a lot.

It’s orgasm of the brain

Which you have to train.

If you experience it

You’ll get fun.

Others who imitate it

 Just get a mock sun.



When we were young,

When we were young,

Lovely nonsense was on the tongue.


©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

Details | Free verse | |

Adopt a Snow Leopard Today part 1

Adopt a snow Leopard the TV ad said
Just £5 a month
So I signed up straight away
I forgot all about it
until there was a knock on the door one day
I opened the door and just saw two delivery men
run away.

And  there before my door
was a large crate
that wasn't there before
There was a label
saying ''this is Fred
handle carefully or you
maybe dead''.

Well I scratched my head
then the penny dropped
as I heard a mighty roar
Never had a cat as a pet before.

I opened the crate carefully
and much to my surprise
With a huge snow leopard with massive sharp teeth
and wild angry eyes
I didn't know what to do
but I needed new underpants
and I was petrified.

''Here kitty'' I said I guess it wasn'twell fed
by the way it bit my leg ouch!
I was as angry as a thunderstorm
and shouted very loud
and Fred got back in the cage
at the back and coward.

Soon I realized Fred was just a scaredy cat
and not a fearsome monster at all
He loved having his belly stroked 
and playing with a ball.

We'd go everywhere together
and in the stores we'd always get straight to the front of the cue
We'd run through through fields of lavender
and taste the morning dew.

Then one morning I got a letter
''We want Fred back he's so rare
 we want to put him in a zoo''

I thought not bloomin likely
but what could I do?

To be continued.

On a serious note, Snow Leopards are very rare, so are mountain Gorillas, only 180 left. They are trapped and killed for trophies and fur. They were here long before is. they need our help. The World wildlife fund and other such charities rely on donations.

Peter Dome.copyright.2013. Dec.

Details | Blank verse | |

Confessions of an us Senator

I confess my sins 
To a priest
Who does not speak my language
I am told by other
Sinner us Senators
That it counts

I do my penance
By saying I am sorry 
Two times
I am told by other 
Sinner us Senators
That it counts

I then start sinning
All over again
I am told by other
Sinner us Senators
That God forgives

Details | Free verse | |

Weeding The Moonscape Of My Back Garden

Weeding the
moonscape of my back
Truly, it's a big
Weeding the
moonscape of my back
My nerves shredding:
The concrete weeds,
I steal
myself for this task
I've delayed, I
admit, for cosmic

Bravely, finally, I
resolved and booked
one week's annual
leave -
To prepare, to
From this task that
may take up to two

I'm impelled to
Must I find the
to take on the
abysmal brat of
Fetch me a flask of
sports energy drink,
Complex sugar, I
think, my devotional

You see,
I write poetry, so
must I also do
Must I really stand
alone on that flat
dune of grey,
Pockmarked with such
monstrous green
The weeds, they are
almost thirty
centimetres, and
grimly rising!
I stare at them from
the window, I'm not
really crying.
Wouldn't you rather
I just wrote this
How many fresh dead
poets does the world
I'd like to be a
living tragic poet,
not one that weeds!
(That's too tragic,
even for me).

And, look over
there! See!
I might get bitten
by that bumblebee!
And I sneeze like a
banshee when near
Sometimes three
sneezed sneezes I
issue near weeds.
Yes, banshees do

Weeds are angry
wannabe baby trees,
I'm feeling quite
I'll already,
So ill, I've just
spelt it I'll.
Now that's I'll,
Sorry, ill.
Where's my quill?
I need to scroll the
Order some pills -
Those ones,
Exported from the
moon, made in
Those especial
potions you don't
require an ignoring
doctor to see,
I must have illegal
I'm a poet, it's my
job, silly!
And -
I. Don't. Do.
Wrestling. Weeds.

Yet, here I stand on
the precipice,
There they sway
taunting me,
The emerald streaked
posse of thorny
triffid pisse.

Well, here goes -
One small step for
man, maybe,
But one giant leap
for a poet such as

for more of my
humorous poetry just
google Suki Spangles

Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: VII

Non-existent God
Subject of poor poetry
Just like this one. Damn.

Details | Limerick | |

A Two-Timer From New York Town

A two-timer cheater from New York town 
Who just enjoys so much to go down 
Stocks tires and his likes 
He owns cars and a pink bike 
And he uses them when does it all down! 

Dorian Petersen Potter 
Aka ladydp2000 

September, 8, 2014 

Details | Sonnet | |


There’s a breathless hush in the Crucible,
A racing baize and the black to win,
To miss that red was inexcusable –
His hand was shaking – too much gin ?
The “Hurricane” is blown away,
We will not see his like today,
But Hendry, Higgins, Doherty
Williams, Selby, Ding Junhui
Are hoping for that one-four-seven,
The perfect snooker, shot from heaven.
The prize at stake is filthy lucre;
To fans this is the World of Snooker,
A game that’s played in clubs and halls –
But for some, a load of balls !

Details | I do not know? | |

Illegitimi non Carborundum

Illegitimi non carborundum ;-)

...Staggering, my vision cloudy,

I fall to the hard ground.

when life’s sharp left-jab leaves my face bloody,

and all that surrounds me, is the desolation of loss I feel all around.

I see myself slipping,

down the abyss to where nothingness exists,

still, I cling on, groping for a foothold,

for my will to stay persists.

I clamber up, I stand my ground, though battered and bruised I may be,

my curtain is not falling yet, I have some fight still left in me.

It is then, in the pit of despair, when all seems bleak and painful and dull,

I summon the strength from deep within,

I rise, slowly, to face the day,

I refuse to sink,

to wallow, to surrender, to throw in the towel,

to drown,

for I am stronger now,

indeed I am, after all the years, and all the battles,

I stand, bruised and bloody,


I stand,

I refuse, to sink, to drown,

for they can try, to punish me some more,

but I shall not allow them to grind me down…


Details | Light Poetry | |

Fluster with Humor

I woke up this morning with hair spiking 
With a comb I tried to comb it down
It was so frustrating and not very striking
With odd looking expressions I felt like a clown

So today I sat down on my chair 
This will be the time of day
With gel in my hand I declare
I will put my hair down if it will stay

I was joking to myself so fluster I was
My hair did not stay down instead
The gel so sticky I stop because
I was in a panic I almost had tear shed

This morning I felt so confused 
Even my cloths did not match
I almost blew my fuse
Because today I hit a patch

I finally got my hair to stay down in a way
With a smile I put a hat this will be O.K.

Fluster with Humor (3-29-13)
By: Reynaldo L. Mast 

Details | Couplet | |

Fruitcake Oh No

(Rhyming Couplets) Fruitcake, oh no! I don't like. I'd rather give it to Mike. Fruitcake tastes to me more than bad. If you send me one I'd get very mad. Fruitcakes are not really fun you see. So please don't send one to me. Fruitcakes tastes like a nasty piece of rubber Just thinking of them makes me shout and shudder. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2012 September,24,2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Our politicians

Our Politicians
They speak like politicians
And hold a great ambition.
They think they are right
And same speech they recite.
They always gather for a bite
Deciding who should start the fight.
All have their own stations
To be the victims of cremation.
They gather their own crowd
Who cheer and clap to any sound.
They think they are right
Only here for a bite.
They speak like Aristo
And act like Montecristo!
They smoke big cigars
And all drive tinted cars.
They dress in glitter
And all have Twitter.
They act so polite
But hardly can write.
Always in action
Only during the election.
To make a collection
Or a connection.
O What a time you feel like 
Committing a crime.

For a brief background about this poem, pls, read the poem (Beirut).

Details | Blank verse | |

Rock paper scissors

Change the game 
Make it hip
A rock
A paper 
A chip

A paper covers a rock
A chip replaces paper
A rock smashes a chip
Into trillions 
Of meaningless bits

Details | Rhyme | |

Tina and Miss Myrtle

Nurse Tina went to work one day, feeling pretty good.
Things usually didn’t work out, just as she thought they should.
Today she said would be different; I feel it in my bones.
She smiled at everyone she met, despite her college’s groans.
She floated in and out of rooms, gave lots of special care.
Her patients were all smiling, as if happy being there.

It was shortly after lunch time when Myrtle rang the nurse.
Tina came into the room, where the lady held her purse.
Where are you going Miss Myrtle? Asked Tina soft and sweet,
Then sat her down upon the bed as she tried standing on her feet.
Nurse Tina dear, I sadly fear that I must use the Lu,
And time is running out my love, now you have things to do.

Hold it, hold it, was all the nurse could say,
Then ran to find the wheelchair they’d used earlier that day.
Now Myrtles face was turning blue,
Waiting for that mobile Lu.
Not yet! Not yet! Exclaims Tina in her face,
I have to slip the bedpan safely in its place.

Ahhhhh, Myrtle she was happy now, her look was just sublime,
As she jumped into the wheelchair, I swear in record time.
STOP RIGHT NOW, STOP RIGHT NOW called Tina with a shout,
For in Myrtles rush to sit down, the pan went flying out.
Ohhhh the nurses day was shattered now, from the lady and the Lu,
But Miss Myrtles smile was that of bliss, As she finished going poo.

Brenda Meier-Hans

Details | Limerick | |

The Limerick Poet


The Poet just got stuck with a rhyme
Something he could use nice and sublime
But nothing came out
So he started to shout
This is not worth any more of my time!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Stick Pin

The Pressure of A Pin ...
Is That Its Outside - It Wants In

The Pressure of A Friend ...
If They're Outside - They Want In

The Pressure of The Wind ...
Its Outside - It Wants In 

The Pressure To Be Thin ...
Outside The Crowd - You Want In

The Pressure Just To Win ...
Show The World - It Burns Within

The Pressure of All Men ...
... Com' On Girls - Don't Pretend!

& Read The Pressure of This Grin
& Let It Out - If Its In

                Written & Copyrighted ©:  9/12/2013 
                 by:  MoonBee Canady

Details | Rhyme | |

Baby-talk learning to climb

da big puppee wun away twees                                                                                        ma ma get foe mee peese                                                                                               we no do that baby go bye bye                                                                                  hims bad bo-bo dats gweezwy                                                                                   dada whaauh maa maa say no doggie wiee                                                              where him go dolly dat wayee                                                                                   waite hunnie hunnie nooowaa                                                                                       mawmie wiee daddie in twee

Details | Couplet | |

She Won't Let Me Go

She Won't Let Me Go

She won't let me go to church choir practice;
Sound like that I'm sitting on a thorny cactus,
And every time when I will moan and groan
She wants to leave me at home all alone.

She sings great paired up with Bob the tenor
Who is thinner and never has been a sinner;
God, mellow both of their voices did make,
Mine, windows and whole world would shake.

For crying out loud my voice became so bad
While singing had started a brand new fad;
If you could buy me one more case of beer
My deadly voice into space does disappear.

So you know what my new motto now may be;
When you buy beer and give it out for free
For me will be beginning of a new career;
Have no fear Horn is here with more beer.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn

PS. And now this final situation I have to face;
Intended on sending another in the first place,
And category of sick according to latest skinny 
Is what to people this probably may be to many.

PSS. I will be reading this poem at next Poetry
Revisited Poetry Recital on 2d week of the month
at Arbor Landing in Shallotte, NC. When I do, I
am going to have everyone stand up and hold
their hands on their sides to support all of the 
laughing they are gonna be doing. Jim Horn

Details | Rhyme | |

I Sued Because I Couldn't Be A Nun

Everybody is shocked by my lawsuit and because I won.
I sued a Convent because they wouldn't let me be a Nun.
They said that I couldn't be a Nun because I'm a man.
I kept begging to be a Nun so much that I was banned.
When they rejected me, it really hurt my feelings and one of my problems is my vanity.
A Funny Farm put me in a straight jacket because they said that I suffer from insanity.
I was told that I can only be a Priest or a Monk.
It was sexual discrimination and it really stunk.
I'll be wealthy when the Convent pays me.
Why does everybody keep calling me crazy?

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dragon Finds A Patron Saint

Dragon was having a bad time; nothing was going right, one day.
First, he tried to cut the ribbon for the new library… in his name.
A breeze made him sneeze, sending sparks going, you know where.
It all went up, immediately, with lots of colored, flames in the air!

The fire department, knowing Dragon, was already there, for the show.
Dragon seeing flames, roared a terrible, NO! Melting their hose! Whoa!
But not to worry, sprinklers inside came on, putting out the fire’s glow.
A fire sale, for Smokey, moldy books, will be in the future, I’m assured.

Insurance saved the day, but our poor guy won’t be allowed, opening day.
Dragon will only be allowed to get books, on the Internet. But that’s OK!
He was a bit depressed; so we took him to the park, for it was on the way!
Once there, the Sheriff of CrazyLand, wanted him on a leash, without delay.

I told the Sheriff, if Dragon needed it, he could be the one to put it on him! 
Out of control, Dragon & the Sheriff, bounced and flew, hitting every limb. 
Until becaming entangled in the statue of Shakespeare, a tragic, fitting end.
As they went down the statue held, but the sheriff ended up tied to it, so grim.

Paparazzi swarmed for pictures, as Dragon’s nemesis was truly, fit to be tied.
Nothing was going well, as we were, off to christen a baby penguin, that cried.
While there, we heard a shout to get Dragon, a BIG St Jude medal, on the side. 
You know… the ONE… The Patron Saint, where all Hopeless Cases abide.

Then, a lit prayer candle fell, and rolled until catching a rug afire. Take care!
It really wasn’t Dragon’s fault… much… tho it was his tail, which put it there.
Then a miracle occurred. God had heard us, for Dragon finally, saved the day!
He extinguished it quickly, by spitting Holy Water on it, from the font, so fair.

Ewww. I say! Still in Defense of Dragon, every thing will eventually be OK.
Tho Dragon drool in the Holy Water made an ‘Out of Order’ sign, perfect today. 
Naturally, we immediately offered, to help clean the Holy water font out…
Fortunately, the Priest had a GREAT sense of humor, for he gave Dragon…

A blest St Jude metal, stating, ‘We could ALL use ONE, ‘With Dragon near!
PLUS a little electro shock therapy! Yep! No Doubt! And the baby penguin…
When baptized, he gave it a St. Jude metal, plus all others, that were about!

Written by Carol Eastman 1-29-2015

Details | Enclosed Rhyme | |

Stirring the Soup

We’re caught in a whirlpool, round and around,
as poetry is shifted to and fro.
The site is being updated, I know,
but now buttons once more need to be found.

The soup staff certainly must be busy.
All the hard work is appreciated
and it’s exciting to guess what’s ahead,
but I can’t help being a bit dizzy.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Budge it - Mr Budget

The budget is boring, George Osborne is a pratt *
Raising extra monies by taxing this and that
The deficit is crippling, but he hasn’t got a clue
To me, the next election seems long overdue!
* the spell-checker wanted to amend prat to part. I almost went with that suggestion, but couldn’t decide which part people would assume he was…

Details | Light Poetry | |

Unboxing - a Youtube video

on YouTube passionate people display
the unpacking of their new apparatus
in their own very charming way

basically nothing more, nothing less
oftentimes too much tape, staples or strong rope 
causing a brief moment of stress

shining moments of tremendous glory
closing pictures with  product and proud owner 
ending their unboxing story

©Ellie Daphne

written while searching for  u s e f u l  information (in words and pictures/videos) on the internet about a product....................

Details | Rhyme | |

It's Not A Chilly Dog

I'm so dumb that when I ordered a chili dog, I expected it to be chilly.
But when it was hot, I demanded a refund, I made myself look silly.
The Hot dog vendor said that thinking is not one of my strong points.
Back in the 1960s I guess that it was a bad idea to smoke those joints.
If chili dogs are hot, does that mean that hot dogs are cold?
Maybe I'm suffering from senility because I'm pretty damn old.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Couplet | |

Order or Sequence of Events

Order or Sequence of Events

When with my poems I soon reach an end
To everyone all of them will start to send
First to those whose minds have been bright
Who will enjoy them all and in delight.

Second will be those of a religious sort
Who in their faith seem to need support
Encourage them and Bible began to study
Which should be done by every buddy.

Now, third I'm thinking might really be 
For those who comfort and support only me
Especially, primarily those in a great group
We love so much called Poetry Soup with scrup.

Fourth, I'm sure will be family and friends
Who on the computer much time spends
Putting up with poems I emailed to them
Who might need research of a cell called stem.

Lastly, are all of those who once were
Of poetic ability but at times not sure;
To them this kindly advice have to offer
If poems are moving see effect known as Doppler.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran

PS. Scrup is short for scruples
Seen by eyes which have pupils.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Gigolo

Rugged and handsome with perennial tan
Distinctive and stylish, a real ladies man
Wining and dining all goes on the tab
Along with “entertainment” in the back of a cab
An invite for coffee at his hotel
This Romeo won’t kiss and tell
An exquisite encounter, but where will it end
That all depends on how much you spend
Contract sealed and ready for action
Destination set for satisfaction
Even though he may be fit to burst
He makes sure his customers always…
…come first

Details | Free verse | |

A Sense of Humor Part 1 of 2

" A Sense of Humor ... "

( A Satirical Moral )

'Somewhere,  There's A Sense of Humor'
Said The Jack In The Box
'We Keep A Sense of Humor'
Said The Gambler's Tokens At The Slots

'I Don't Like Your Sense of Humor'
Said The Chicken To The Fox
'You Gotta' Have A Sense of Humor'
Said The Hounds To That Same Fox

Whatever Your Shtick Or Station In Life
And How You View Pressures, Setbacks Or Strife
May You Find Laughter - Like Gossips Find Rumors
... and Keep A Kicking Sense of Humor

'I See The Sense of Humor'
Said The Star, Acting Like A Dot
'You've A Surprising Sense of Humor'
Said The Diaper To The Tot

'You've Got A Keen Sense of Humor'
Said The Rum-Bottle To The Old Sot
'I'm A Quick-Wit, of A Sense of Humor'
Said The Bullet, To Who It Shot!

Some Find Joy In Giving Out Ridicule
More Than They Like To Receive
Yes, Laughter Is A Good Medicine Tool
... It Helps Our Lungs To Breathe

But When The Prank PointsTo Our Own
It Just Isn't Quite So Funny
If Your Life Is Spotlighted On
The Other End of A Cruel Comedy

'Can't Handle My Sense of Humor'
Said The Broken Pedal To The Steep Block
'Somewhere, There's A Sense of Humor'
Said The Rabbit In The Pot

'I Got A Twisted Sense of Humor'
Said The Bank Robber Dressed As Sasquatch
'What A Perfect Timing Sense of Humor'
Said The Handcuffs of The Cop

'You've A Funny Sense of Humor'
Said The Pelican To The Croc
'... Now Where's Your Sense of Humor?'
The Fish Asked The Pelican, Dragged From The Dock

Whatever Your Vantage On Life's Lot
Sometimes We Must Lay On Amusement's Cot
Whether We Like It A Little - Or Like It Not
Sometimes, Laughing To Keep From Crying Is All We Got

And Make Sure Your Sense of Humor
Doesn't Come Back To Bite You Like A Cougar
'Cause I Fail To See The Sense of Humor ...'
Said The Hyena To The Teeth of The Puma!

'I'll Keep 'Em Rolling With A Sense of Humor'
Said The Keys In The Car & Parking Lot
'I Had A Sense of Humor ...'
Said The Old Girl's Aching Feet, Who Forgot

'You Break Me Up With Your Sense of Humor'
Said The Window To The Rock
'You've Got A Hands On Sense of Humor'
Laughed The Tummy, Shouting Stop!

'I Got A Sly Sense of Humor'
Said The Wolf In Sheep's Clothing In The Flock
What's Black & White With A Bad Sense of Humor?'
(And The Poor Lil' Skunk, Asked ... "What?"

                   - con't. '

       Written & Copyrighted ©:  1/7/2014
                 by:  MoonBee Canady

(Part 1 of 2)

Details | Dodoitsu | |

Blast-Off and True Love

Written from a male's perspective


Love, when she smiles at me
She rides my rocket to space
And takes me out of this world
Stardust in her hair.

Written from a female's perspective


On your white horse you save me
Romantic tongue, sweet kisses
Into the sunset we go
Riding all night long.


Details | Rhyme | |

Rubber Check

You make me so mad that I want to wring your neck.
You think that I'm stupid enough to take your check.
Your checks bounce so much that they should be made out of rubber.
I won't take your check, I don't care how much you blubber.
Stop that damn crying, stop acting like a five year old kid!
I won't accept your stinking check but sadly, I once did.
I took your four hundred dollar check and it bounced.
I was so angry that when I saw you again, I pounced.
Your lousy check bounced so I decided to make you bounce too.
You regretted giving me that rubber check when I was through.
But here you are again and you think that I'll take your rubber check.
When I get done, a doctor will have to put a brace around your neck.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Free verse | |

Humor for the sinner

Hey,Father,give me my blessing.It's two posts since my last transmission

Yes,my child.What's wrong with that?

I have no idea,Father.

This is for confessing sins.

I know,it must be fascinating.Can you tell me a few general categories of the most popular sins?

But the confessional is sacred...

Well,I come here a lot and I'm running out of ideas for my blog.

Blogging is sinful.

Really?It's not mentioned in my Missal.

No doubt it will be in the next edition!

Why is it sinful?

I believe it takes your mind off the people around you.


Can't you do anything about these people?

I've tried praying for them,seducing them,ignoring them,emailing them.

And what happened.

Nothing at all.They just ignore me.

Why don't you ignore them?

That's a wonderful idea.

Now,to cut back your blogging you need to learn the oboe...


You can't type when playing the oboe and it's cheaper than a piano..

Gosh,you are so clever.

And your playing will be so awful that it will make your housemates speak to you..

That's unlikely,they are all cats!

Oh,you nincompoop.Be off or I'll kick you out myself..

That's not wholly holy or even holey.

Be off or I'll send you a rhyme.

About time!

How about the design?
I am thinking, sublime?

Will it be mine?

Details | Verse | |


Geordie is ma brother; some say he is a hero!
Me, ah ken better an’ his rating’s close tae zero!
He likes tae hog the flair wi’ jokes oh say dreary’
Efter twenty meenits we grow a wee tadge weary.

He has a better side but it’s hidden oot o’ sight,
An’ onything he says, Ye’ve guessed, he is ayewis right!
Ah’m no sayin’ he is stoopid, that wid be unkind;
Aw he really needs is a kick up his behind.

Hooever, he’s ma brither sae ah’m gi’en’ him some flack;
Ah’m share that when he reads this he’ll gi’e me plenty back:
Ah suppose ah really like him, weel jist a tiny bit,
Even wi’ his awfy childish doonbeat wit!

Ah should stope ma ramblin’s an tell ye somethin’ guid!
It isna really true that his heed is made o’ wid;
Naw, he’s truly brilliant….when he is far awa’,
An’ talkin’ oan the telephone he’s like a babblin’ Craw.

AYE FOLKS THAT’S MA BRITHER!!!!!! An’ ah love him!

Details | Rhyme | |

Up the creek without a paddle

I kept all of my money in my mattress instead of a bank.
It was stolen last week and I only have myself to thank.
I have never trusted banks, that's why my mattress was stuffed.
I want to buy a hot dog but I'm so poor that I don't have enough.
I'd like to strangle the thief, he's a dirty crook and a rotten louse.
I can't pay my mortgage and the bank is going to take my house.
I had three million bucks stuffed in my mattress.
My wife left me today and now I'm so depressed.
Now I'm up the creek without a paddle and my boat just sank.
Don't make the same mistake that I did, keep your money in a bank.

(Even though this fictional poem is intended to be funny, it's not a good idea for 
people to keep large sums of money in their homes.)

Details | Free verse | |

Take it as PieCeS

Hey buddy, won't you walk me while I am awake
Don't be silly; catch me when I am on bed.
I said you should wait
Why are you in hurry?
Won't you open the gate?
And come and open the car.

Hey Pretty, won't you hug me now that you can
Cos tomorrow, you may want to while you can't
I am saying this because for now I care
Any minute away, I will shut my door and closet.

Take my hand now before I turn away my hands
Kiss my pen now before I show you my sword
Don't be stupid, leave that false play straight
And show me plenty of love
And episode that is so amaze.

Details | ABC | |

A Special Sale

Buy one and get one free
A special sale,but you can't buy me.
You had my heart and so much more
But you preferred the girl next door.

A very good price
But you know what they say
You get what you pay for
It shows everyday.

You can't send her back
you got her for free
The one that you paid for
Yes it was me!
I cost you time lost when you were with me.Your love and your laughter
was spent on me....

You get what you pay for.So now you're alone
Be careful for sales when theres no return.....

Details | Rhyme | |

At a loss for Lego's

My words are like legos, 
scattered all over the floor. 
All colorful shapes and sizes
different combinations to explore.

 I’m like a poor lego man,
With his head on backwards.
I remove my head and search it,
In desperation when I lack words.

Because my words are like legos
and sometimes they’re hard to find.
Missing pieces  in the dark,
the little crevices of my mind.

My words are like messy legos,
like a castle that’s been broken. 
Being rebuilt piece by piece, 
With every word that’s spoken.
So I’ll gather all my legos,
and I’ll build a castle too!
I’ll use all my beautiful legos,
I would build it just for you. 

But you came and stole my lego's,
You swooped them off the ground.
I tried to tell you my secret, 
But I couldn’t make a sound.

Why did you take my legos?
That wasn’t part of the deal. 
Please just give them back, 
So I can tell you how I feel. 

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Not A Gorilla-Man

My brother played a dirty trick on me that was nasty to do.
Before I put on a Gorilla mask, he filled it with Super Glue.
I've tried and tried to pull this mask off but it's stuck.
I've been wearing it for three years, I'm out of luck.

Now I have the body of a man and the head of an ape.
When people see me, they think I'm a Killer Gorilla freak and they're desperate to escape.
When President Obama saw me, the chicken got scared and ran.
I'm a Human Being, I'm getting tired of being called a Gorilla-Man!

Some Carnival people came to my house and they asked me to be one of their freaks.
I hit them so hard that their jaws had to be wired shut, now none of them can speak.
Now my brother is blind, I got even with the creep.
I Super Glued his eyes shut while he was asleep.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Rhyme | |

Postcard From Morphinialand

I hope you get this postcard From Morphinialand There really is so much to see Read on, you’ll understand Latex geese ride rubber ducks That fly along the ground While newly discovered welliphants Wait in lost and found Blueberry flavored raindrops Climb up from a deep glue sky As inter-dimensional wilder beasts Feast on lion pie Toffee Banana Rivers Wend their merry way Around candy cotton sugar puffs From the Milky Way Physic black umbrellas Predict the weather will be fine In this land of gumballweed Built on melty time Ice blue cooling sunbeams Make everything rather tacky And falling leaves from porcupine trees Make for excellent wacky backy Chocolate covered gerbils Fly faster than the speed of sound Perched in tree tops going “cheep” At half a dozen for a pound Yes it’s wonderful to be here So here I am going to stay Sorry I won’t be home tomorrow I’ve made plans for yesterday

Details | Rhyme | |

Helping McGee

McGee was late again
It seemed like his, 'Whole' life
"I promise, to be on time"
He said to his new wife

The city, was so crowded
And at such a hectic pace
He drove around the block
But there was no parking space

So he glimpsed up to the heavens
Begging help, from God on high
And that he'd give up drinking
Go to Mass and never lie

If God would grant a parking space
So he could park his car
McGee would give up all his vice
And be a better man by far

Then , just then, there appeared 
An empty parking space
It popped up out of nowhere
Before McGee's own face

McGee glanced at the heavens
And said "Thank You Lord Your Grace
But it's Ok,  Forget it
I've just I found me-self a space"

Details | Light Poetry | |


I think about you all the time
I think youre really super
I think about you in the bath
and even on the pooper

Details | Rhyme | |

Half of Me

What kind of a woman are You?
To make me think of all those things I shouldn't do
To make me think of wanting you
When I know it's something I should never do
And yet in my heart you divide me
You set myself beside me...


Half of me wants to believe you
Half of me knows you lie
Half of me can't live without you
Half of me would rather die

Half of me wants to leave you
Half of me wants to remain
Half of me remembers the good times
Half of me can not forget the pain

You glance at me
You prance at me
You set my heart on fire
You tease me
You ease me
You seduce me into your wicked desire

And then when were alone
My emotions you skin to the bone
And with that empty love you fill me
With that empty love you slowly kill me

So why don't you go go go
And leave me so so so
Yet when your gone I'll only want you back
Whoops...Half of me said
I shouldn't  have said that


Half of me wants to love you
Half of me says no
Half of me wants to forever hold you
Half of says to let you go

Half of me wants to be so good
Half of me wants to be so very bad
Half of me always trust you
Half of me knows the other half's been had.

Details | Free verse | |

Times Are A Changing

There once was a mouse that slipped off it’s pad
no problem - I’ll Click it back to where eye was
         no need for worn old mouse I had
wait a minute - I’m Clicking so much - eye soar
                       Tis set in -
  Wow! My doc said “try these Google goggles
   per-aps - down loads are getting you down
    this may help - Mcafee anti virus I’ll Google
for them goggles so you won’t get so daffy  miss Dawn
                        confused :

      She said is a pad a place where a mouse lives?
will Mc Donald give me a virus  at their pad - when I Click?
do them goggles - Google will send change my life

Doctor was not believing  his ears
        am I that  - old fashion
 what was I hearing - all these years
may be I should sit down on this cushion

Details | Rhyme | |

Your Not So Funny Face

Dimples worn upon your cheeks
those early days when we would meet...
Slowly morphed, and were then replaced by
parenthesis, that would surround your face
your mouth, your forehead, and you were bound
with worried frowns

They were not there
when first we met
It is my bet, and I would gage
the consequence that comes with age.........or........
perhaps in fault, I'll estimate, 
the end result of many years of marriage? !!!

A crease in your brow
as deep as a ocean
from worries grown
and worries known
since knowing me!

 I have a notion
your forehead betrays
unhinged emotions
with lines you display
from every commotion!

The wrinkles you bear...,
the tinge of gray hair...,
I may have put there!

In spite of my care
in spite of my flair
my honest intentions, while paying attention
were part of my charm and devotion !!

Details | Verse | |

Groovin' on Rondelets

Groovin’ on Rondelets,
I find this short form amusing and intriguing.
Groovin’ on Rondelets,
the hours whittle away, a person forgets
about necessities, like eating and sleeping.
It’s a silly kind of song that I keep singing,
“Groovin’ on Rondelets.”

Details | Free verse | |

I Got Your Man

Do you have a boyfriend?
Do he treat you good?
Do he come from the hood?
Do he kiss good?
Do he smell nice?
Do he do you right?
Do he ride a car or bike?
Do he call you at night?
Do he ask is everything's alright?
Have he saw your mom?
Have he met you dad?
Well, it's all good cause I got your man! 
But you don't so talk to the hand cause your face don't understand!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Bruised Ego

I lusted after Deborah from my first day at school.                 
As did every other boy, her looks made them all drool.
On Valentines I sent a card despite my inhibition.
She responded with a churlish smile that set me on a mission,
I asked her for a date and she replied “well, that depends…
…in fact, on second thoughts, I’d rather we were Just Friends”

Details | Free verse | |

Just Call Him Bobby

He sticks to the wall
He sticks to the door
He even sticks to the floor
When I'm alone and I feel a way
I pull Bobby out the draw
He always saves the day
I bounce up and down on him
If I'm just that freaky
I might such it, jerk it, jump on it and hump it
Its just the size for me
I keep him near
I never know when
I'm going to need him again
I said his name is Bobby
He does the job when I'm alone I use him to solve the problem.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Beauty shop

There is something I notice about women
That has me quite amuse
And the more I think about it
I am becoming more and more confuse

While walking down the street yesterday
In front a beauty saloon I stop
And when I take a look inside the window
I could have swore it was auto body shop

They were completely repairing a woman
From her head to her toes
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing
As my curiosity begin to grows

I see a lady working on her hair
Adding waives the colors of the rainbows
While one doing her fake nails
And another guy working magic on he toes

The eyes lashes was already glue in
and the blue contacts was done install
And when a Botox needle went in her face
You know the women didn’t even bawl

Then a girl come by her lips and blocks my view
So really couldn’t see what she was doing
But I know when the girl done and leave
Her lips look fat it was no longer thin

Then she talking of the work she had done
With silicone and implants everywhere
And she start telling of a bunch of other stuff
But a car blowing horn so I couldn’t really hear

Well in my life I’ve never seen
A woman takes so much pain
The thing that have me more worried
She makes an appointment for next week again

Now I checking all the things she had done
Fake nails, fake Lashes, fake lips, fake hair
Contacts, silicone, Botox fake top and behind
She looking like a new car walking out of there

But I must admit that she was looking nice
Face red and rosy like a ripe mango
And I could smell her perfume as she comes
Walking like she’s one of them super model

Then she stops out side and looks at me
Holding a bag of Chinese food in my hand
And said don’t even try it loser
A woman like me looking for a real men

Details | Rhyme | |

Barnaby Jones

I'm a PI named Barnaby Jones and I send killers to jail.
But when people receive my bills, they always yell.
Three years ago I exonerated a woman's husband of murder.
She screamed when she got my bill, you should've heard her.
I make plenty of money, I sure don't work for free.
I buy fancy suits with the money that clients pay me.
Letting people get away with murder is something I won't allow.
I drink so much milk that sometimes I suck the udders on cows.
When people see me doing that to their cows, they pull shotguns on me.
I'm a damn good Private Investigator but you will not like my fee.

(This poem is a parody of the TV show.)

Details | Rhyme | |


A British men's singles Wimbledon champion A British summer with blazing sun in the sky But I have not seen any flying pigs The end of the world must truly be nigh

Details | ABC | |


I'm just a little bit loofy
Just a tad goofy
I do many things
That will take you for a ride
But don't hide
Your about to see my true side
I talk to me
I walk with me
I say high and hello
Then my stomach is quivery like jello
I talk to people
I know how to bounce
I do what I need to
I don't give an ounce
I live a goofy life
I just love it so
I am real life like
I'm feeling like plado
Normally, I would write more normal
What's normal if you have to be so formal
Gotta be strict and serious all the time
I almost feel like being perfect is a crime
I have to be friendly with everybody
I'd rather do that if I was making money!
Everybody has a goofy side
What I just said is no lie
So your things and who cares
It doesn't matter what other's think
Heck, I joke around saying “I need a shrink”
I really don't, not that I know
It just shows that I keep on the low
People know me and I know them
I show my goofy side now and again
Up and down, bouncing around
I guess I am the number one clown

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm calling you phat, not fat

When I call the cool girls phat, they think I'm calling them fat.
They get very offended and angry when I call them that.
When I call them phat, they won't go out with me anymore.
Last week a girl broke my nose when she slammed the door.

Some of the girls kick me in the crotch and others poke me in the eyes.
They get confused by what I say and now I'm a man who is despised.
Yesterday a girl broke out my teeth with a hammer and then she called me a rat.
If you want to succeed with the ladies, take my advice and don't call them phat.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Light Poetry | |


                                    GEORGY BUYS A CAR

                         A man named Georgie had a few--
                         Pintsy, wintysy , God Almintsy little pints

                         In the pub perched slick heart Zack--
                         Scammer, hammer, oh what glamour little scam

                         Zack bought Georgie round of drinks--
                         Hooker, crooker, throw the book sir , little hook

                          Georgie said a car he’d buy--
                          Rider, slider, swim the tide Sir,  little ride

                          Zack said “ I got just the ride”--
                          Squeezer , pleaser, shake the knees Sir, little squeeze

                          Out the door and to the lot--
                          Parking, sharking-- not for sparking little park

                          Georgie drove the car for test--
                          Faster, blaster, kick the bastard, little fast

                          Bought the car right on the spot--
                          Casher, flasher, grab the masher, little cash 
                          Georgie got the sales receipt-- 
                          Cheater, bleater, Shakespeare’s theatre, little cheat

                          Zack pulled out a calling card--
                          Teaser, pleaser, Wine and cheese sir? little tease 

                          And with this card came Friday wash--
                          Freebie, sleebie, heebee geebies little free

                          Car wash was a thief run scam--
                          Scamzee , tamzee,  oops and whamzee little scam 

                          Georgie used his Friday ticket--
                          Washy sloshy, Dryzy wyzy now goodbzy little car

                          Zack is smiling-- Georgie’s not--
                          Smilin', dialin' so beguilin, scammer’s smile

                                     Learn from Georgie’s little lesson--
                                     Lesson, stressin, keep you guessin’, little lesson
                                     Don’t buy cars when you are drunk--
                                     Sunk, punk,  in a funk, hide in trunk while you are drunk.

©Victoria Anderson-Throop  

Details | Light Poetry | |

Gold Digger

half his age
and nearly twice his
pretty as a picture
but none too bright
he loves her open
arms (and legs) –
his “tart”
spread-eagled on his
sports-car’s bonnet
she likes him for
his open mind and
open heart
but most of all –
his open wallet
she intends to stick
with him through
thick and thicker
and is most
“concerned” about
his dodgy ticker

you can see my
illustration &
original poem on my
blog here -

Details | Rhyme | |


Many years ago I bought a laptop.
It's so outdated, I call it a craptop.
I want to sell it but nobody wants it because it's eighteen years old.
I'm asking a quarter for it at my yard sale but it still hasn't been sold.
When I sold a rod and reel, I offered to throw in the laptop for free.
But the guy told me to shove it up my ass because it only has 2 Megabytes of Memory.
If it was a person, it would be old enough to get married, vote and smoke.
This prehistoric thing doesn't even have a CD-Rom Drive and that's no joke.
This thing is so frustrating, it takes twenty minutes for it to get on Ebay.
Nobody wants this damn thing, the garbage men won't even take it away.
If you want to buy my laptop, I'll sell it to you for a nickel.
I can tell that you don't want it either, I sure am in a pickle.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Free verse | |

pg 13 psycho chick

this chick i met at the store one day trying to sell me a jar or raspberry jam.
She said i looked familar.I said she looked familiar to
Elementary school.Third grade.Mrs brown was are teacher.
This girl always sat alone during lunch and at reccess .
Never had i realized how pretty she was so i asked her out to lunch.
When she said yes then trouble started spewing.
She hasnt stopped cutting her meat and shes putting splenda in her sprite drink.
When she speaks shes telling me all the names of her exs in alphabetical order and how it was always them and never her.I seriously doubt this ecspecially when she askes if id like to have a threesome with her sister.
I dont know how this psycho chick got me on date two.Shes pretty and all but thats all shes got too.
Sex is ackward.She insist her dog be in the room.She laughs hysterically the whole time and sleeps through the rest.
On date three i let her go gently.She said shed never forgive me and that i was by far the worst ex she ever had.I thought thank goodness for that.
On friday she called me and said all was forgiven.I asked her how she got my number?she said your mother gave it to me.By the way her name is smidgen isnt it.
I told her it was over.My temper started rising.
she said she didnt mind as her fifth ex was taking her back.I said good luck with that.
Never saw her again but that psycho chick still talks to my mother who says i should have proposed.I tell my mom if only you knew what that psycho chick put me through.

Details | Couplet | |

Mocha Frappuccino

Where, oh where, did I leave my mocha,
If I find you took it, I might just choke ya!

Details | Rhyme | |

My Horrible Ex-wife

Many people defend my ex-wife but they don't know her.
On our wedding night, she shot me with a flamethrower.
Before she used the flamethrower, she doused me with gas.
I have third degree burns all over, she really fried my ass.
Six months later, she wanted me to see the Jaguar that she bought.
But it was not a car, it wasn't what I thought.
That large cat tore me open, it really hurt as I got bit and clawed.
When I was standing in a puddle, my ex zapped me with a cattle prod.
After all of that, I'm lucky that I didn't lose my life.
It's those reasons why the bitch became my ex-wife.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Free verse | |

the new maker's guarantee

the new maker’s
promises that 
after you pee 
in a urinal or WC

push the button 
or pull the handle 
and all your sins 
will flush away

Details | Rhyme | |


I bought a tank at a war surplus store.
It's not something people are thankful for.
Just because I blow up their homes with the cannon and flatten their cars,
the jerks all think that I've gone too far.
I love this destruction, I didn't know I had it in me.
People want to drag me out of this tank and skin me.
The cops think they can stop me by firing bullets and yelling freeze.
Bullets can't damage this armored tank, they might as well use BBs.
The police just captured me because I'm a dumbass.
When I bought this tank, I forgot to fill it up with gas.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Eric Cartman

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little bitch.
My mom is poor, she certainly isn't rich.
She posed nude in a magazine because she's a Crack Whore.
She couldn't afford to buy me an IPad and that made me sore.

After I lied on DR. Phil, Apple was about to give me a Human CentiPad.
But they got an order to disassemble it and that really made me mad.
I started cursing God and he struck me with lightning.
I won't ever mess with him again, he's too frightening.

Many people hate my guts because I'm a racist punk.
When I offended a girl classmate, my ship was sunk.
She beat me up because she's a tough little Lass.
I tried to fight back but she kicked my sorry ass.

I certainly don't have a heart of gold, I'm a terrible lad.
People wonder how a nine year old boy can be so bad.
If you do something bad, I'll rat you out because I'm also a snitch.
I will not change my ways, I'll continue to be an evil little bitch.

(This poem is based on the South Park cartoon.)

Details | Rhyme | |

Style Yoda

Well, I want to talk like Yoda
Twisting grammer, backwards round
Sounds like poetry

Do this, I know, can I
A man wise, think, I'll be
Speaking just like Yoda
With little difficulty

So, Rhyming you, trouble have
It's as easy as can be
Yoda Speaking, just like
Makes Rhyming easily 

"May the force, with you be"

Details | Narrative | |

Sonnetina Sequence-THE RIPE ORCHARDS

September has come
and the ripe orchards
abundantly display their delicious fruits:
peaches of delicate rose,
and cherries of deep red!
Teens, with their empty baskets, 
anxiously run to pull them 
off the drooping branches;
and one of them yells,
" I have gotten the first one! " 

What a gleeful celebration for youngsters 
about to return to loved-and-hated school
with their band-new and heavy backpacks;
and they will write about these harvest's moments,
and wait with exciting eyes how their writings
will be scored by their teacher, and if someone 
should cheat, points will be taken kids,
squash your curiosity and kindly behave!
All of them did their best in writing poems without rhyme,   
poems of a harvest with an aroma so fine!

The hot afternoon reddens the faces
of all the experienced fruit-pickers,
and these struggling young ones
can't speed up to their pace!
" Hurry, Jack...let Susan help
you with your over-loaded basket...
everyone has finished picking and gone! "
What a humorous remark that
even makes the sullen and tired sun 
smile...when his duty is coming to a sudden end!

Happily they trot out of the orchards, singing nursery' rhymes,
sustaining the heaviest load they have ever felt ,
not to let their baskets drop and give the watchful squirrels 
a chance to snatch some of the tempting fruits away!
And as they look up, dusk makes its appearance to scare them away!
And as if they were chased by unleashed dogs,
some fall, some run for their useless drama started by fancy!
Much fun they had, but unhappy about the bruises on their knees,
at least, they had one consolation: all the peaches and cherries they could eat!
And they laughed at each other, no one could ever forget about their fright!

Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci

Details | Free verse | |

twis the night santa got busted

Twis  the night before Christmas and all through the house not a person was up not even a dog.
The sox's were hung on the door with tape just waiting for Old st.Nick.
Mom in her night gown and me in my long johns. 
Settle in for a night of nics.
When all of a sudden we heard what was police cars.
As we watched on the tv with surprise. 
The reporter said that Santa got busted for breaking and entering.
As the police cars drove out of sight. 
We heard him say, Merry Christmas to all and call my lawyer.

Details | Free verse | |

My Secret Prison

Trapped again!

Maze hidden cheddar eluding 
every twisting turn a doorway 
to the path I’ve already forgotten
a spirit broken within each hidden cul-de-sac.

I cry.

Depression building my will 
crumbling into fatal despair
that rages with a whisper
as quiet as a hurricane.

I sleep.

I scream at one wall 
hundreds more continue laughing.
Right! Left! NO! RIGHT! Left! Right! LEFT! YES! Right!

I succumb.

Cheddar thoughts and running 
water sustain my desire to escape
through walls of scent
filled dreams of freedom.

I laugh.

Test complete. Failure.
Should have smelled for Camembert.

Details | Rhyme | |

Night Out

Saturday and it was night
All sat quietly
All was right
The clubhouse had not one spare seat
Friends sat together
Tapping feet
Later a desert and meet
While all stuffed mouths with some big treat
Nothing now could err go wrong
Show ended with a stirring song
So not all life now really sucks
A weekend night for twenty bucks
Now folks blab of kids and jobs
Some kept their looks
Others now just blobs
Then goodnight
It's time to go
As all await 
The next big show
The parking lot is emptied fast
Not good to be seen leaving last

Details | Light Poetry | |

Malted - biscuit - Teaser

Stop being suggestive
With that choccy digestive
Just stick it in your gob
And pass me a hob nob

Details | Free verse | |

Seeking Wealth

Tired of grazing sheep and gazing
at the silent sky,
I finally decided than now was my time
to look for riches in a city,
for sheep would never tell me the secrets
of amassing wealth, even if they knew.

As I walked across a street in a city one afternoon,
with only five silver coins,
I met a man, and asked him how I could become

“Go to a fountain in Bottle Street, and ask the frog
that you meet, where a chest of gold is buried...but
first, give me three silver coins”, the man told me.

Finally I would talk the same language with a frog,
instead of my sheep’s language,
which sounds gibberish to extreme.

Spending my whole life with honest people,
I gave him three silver coins,
without a shadow of doubt.

As soon as I gave him his pay for his answer,
he vanished into a nearby park in the deep, silent

My lips almost getting torn from flooding bliss
in my heart, I asked some people the direction
to Bottle Street, and started my journey.

Sighting my lucky fountain, I headed there, and lo
and behold! There were in fact a dozen frogs! “It seems
the gold chests will be a dozen,” I assured myself.

“Where can I find a buried chest of gold?” I asked one
of the frogs.

“Rrrribit! Rrrribit!”, came the reply; in fact they were
staring away from my blank face, as if they were showing
me a sign; a sign that I was scammed. 

Since that fateful day, I never trusted anything in Bottle Street ever again.

Date: 03/03/2014

Details | Rhyme | |

Eaters Beware

I own a fast food restaurant and it's called Randy's Place.
The Health Department found 117 violations, it's a disgrace.
When the Health Department graded my restaurant, it got a big fat F.
Most people won't eat here anymore, I have very few customers left.
I serve unclean meat and flat Coca-Cola.
My food has caused 500 cases of Ebola.
When customers are served fries,
their orders include fried flies.
Please keep this a secret or my restaurant will be shut down.
But people really will be better off if it is no longer around.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Rhyme | |

Critiquing 'N' Kindness

I know what you are thinking
This poem really stinks
Why did he bother writing it
Why'd he waste the ink

What kind of form, did he use
It's not on any list
It doesn't follow any rules
Oh Boy, this gets me P*ssed

Where'd he learn to spell
And make those stupid rhymes
He must have been, held back in school
At least a hundred times

My kid could do a better job
I'm telling you it's true
In several colored crayons
And She is only two

But, I have to show some mercy
Critique it with kindness
although he slaughters poetry
I'll just say,  something timeless

So, in the comment box below
I'll be a little trite
And type a saying we all know
Hey So-and-so "Great Write" 

by JT Curtis May 13, 2014

Details | Couplet | |

Ball Boys Done It

Ball Boys Done It 

I confess have to guess how they got in this mess;
Did not possess any fines when they did address
The public as to problem Patriots had to bare;
Failed to fill ball with right amount and enough air.

So in despair were found to be fools not fair
When sins would share that were hard to bare,
By in football exact, proper amount not allot
And guess what again as usual they got caught.

Why would other people you want to embarrass,
By having your balls made out of plaster of Paris
And Instead of ball had been kicking the dirt;
When you did was painful and sure did hurt.

Personally, myself I prefer balls that are soft
I love them best because into air can loft
Them up and land into a receiver's hand
Which is exactly way that I had planned.

People in New England now understand;
Think when football is cold it will expand
Just like to would in your car's spare tire
That leads me to believe they are a liar.

Game balls are expensive and guaranteed
To maintain air they want and will ever need
Not requiring any air during the game
So ball boys should be receiving the blame.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
173 Shadowood Court SE
Bolivia, NC 28422 and

Details | Couplet | |

Amanda Veranda

Amanda smiles when she walks down the street.
Amanda parades for the company she meets.
Amanda auditions when you ask her name.
Amanda Veranda is her own hall of fame.

But under the garments and jewels she wears.
She can't stop fearing the gossip she hears.
At night when she's naked and stripped of her gown
Amanda's wide grin sadly slips to a frown.

Her make up starts running her image is bare.
Her vanity's vanished because nobody's there.
She looks in the mirror and sees she must change.
Her fantasy vanity must be rearranged.

So she made herself useful and gave of herself.
And found she could finally climb down from her shelf.
She took down her trinkets and vases and gifts.
Went out and mended those trivial rifts.

She humbled herself and she found it felt good.
Did all the things that she knew that she should.
Now she’s still quite the talk of her little old town.
But it no longer gossips and puts this girl down.

They speak of her highly since she's bowed very low.
Not low in a bad way she just gave up her show.
So if you're an Amanda whose ego's to big
You'll too find it better to swing a new gig.

Details | I do not know? | |

The Sock

I saw it there in the road: A sock!
How, thought I, had it come there to be?
Did it endeavor to escape a foot?
Discarded and black as the blackest soot.
Yet now it's found to be in front of me?

This will not do; This never knowing.
Investigation! I must insist.
Immediately my day has to stop.
Following this crumb that had come to drop
I halted the traffic who were now pissed.

Approach did I, all the horns ablaze.
Undeterred, I cried out "No never!"
But soon felt I anything but smitten 
To retrieve not a sock but a mitten.  
Another disaster altogether.

Details | Rhyme | |

Fifty shades

My wife read Fifty Shades last week
It’s gone right to ‘er ‘ead
Now I lies in trepidation
Every time I goes to bed
Just yesterday she came in nude
And chained me up, real tight
She snapped the lock, put on her frock
Then buggered off all night

Details | Rhyme | |


Dandelion root tea taste like soggy weeds
But it's good for you
Hard to eat broccoli without gooey cheese
But it's good for you
Driving an electric car wont get you far
But it's good for you
Being on time wont shorten the line
But it's good for you
Holding your tongue just to get it done
But it's good for you
Trying to sit still takes all your will
But it's good for you
Avoiding fat foods makes you rude
But it's good for you
Working all day without extra pay
But it's good for you
To get dumb done you miss fun
But it's good for you
Being with you tonight may not be right
But your bad for me
Have a glass of Dandelion root tea.

Details | Free verse | |


                                         The conman posing as a wizard
                                  told him to seek the answer from a frog,
                            of where he would get his treasure; in the fog,
                               "rrribit!" "rrrribit!" came the answer, from a pond,
                                   leaving the victim fifty pence emptier

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Justin Sane, not just insane

People think that I have a sick and twisted brain.
They think that when I tell them that I'm Justin Sane.
When I tell people my name, they think that I've lost my sanity.
Everybody thinks that I'm a serious threat to humanity.

Employers never hire me, I can't get any work.
They won't hire me because they think I'll go berzerk.
Nobody believes me when I tell them that I'm just as sane as Freud.
I live in a cardboard box and believe me when I say that I'm annoyed.

People won't even let me in homeless shelters to get some food.
I'm going to break my foot off in their asses for being stupid and rude.
I'm tired of taking people's BS, it's too much for me to sustain.
The only way that I'll get any respect is if I change my damn name!

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Rhyme | |

That Is The One

Man was walking around the library

having a really good look

He had looked everywhere

but still couldn't find that book

He ventured to the counter

to ask the good looking assistant

At first he wasn't noticed

she seemed quite distant


She was on the computer

and on some paper she wrote

As the man got a little closer

he started clearing his throat

"May I help you?" she asked 

the very nervous looking man

"Yes" he replied with a twitch

sweating from the palm of his hand


He said "I'd appreciate it a lot

if you kept this just between us

I am looking for a book called

Help For Men With A Small Penis" 

Librarian looked up and answered

"That isn't in yet I'm afraid hun"

Then gave a look of dismay

as he said "Yes, that is the one" 

Details | Free verse | |

Art in Love, Art is Life

There goes the Mona Lisa and Picasso's girlfriends
scribbling down the highway of surrealism,
as the Scream is breaking glass with a high-pitched cry in Oslo;
and the melting clocks of Dali's masterpiece stops time for a moment,
as the paintings fall in love.

As color spectrums mix together to create nothing but a mess,
that we all in some way call art,
the Mona Lisa sits and gives one of her snobby smiles.
Picasso lights another cigarette and invites another French girl to his apartment,
paint flies everywhere, as articles of clothing start to strip off,
and the screamer is still screaming, for what?- I have no clue.
All I know is, art is in love.

What a minute- who invited the Thinker?!
All he does is sit there and think all day!
My head would ache if I thought hard and long like a marble statue all day long.
Get out of here Thinker, and take the Scream with you,
he's making me deaf!

There you are art in love, nothing but dead guys, painting naked girls,
who give an innocent smile,
but so a little more than their teeth,
and those Dali clocks that melt slowly in an ideal painting,
you can almost hear time ticking backwards.
Art is beautiful,
Art is life.


Details | Rhyme | |


I always thought it was impossible for a person to reincarnate but I learned that they can.
After I died, I reincarnated but I didn't come back to life as a man.
I came back to life as a dog and my wife is my owner.
Even though I'm a dog, she still gives me a boner.
I was shocked when I looked in the mirror and saw that I'm a Saint Bernard.
Some times my wife tries to date men but I chase them and I bite them hard.
When I was a Human, I had elegance and class.
But last night I bit a chunk out of a man's ass.
Certain things put me in a bad mood.
One of which is having to eat Dog Food.
Being near my wife is intoxicating and it's sure to please.
But I'm about to itch to death because of these damn fleas.
I'll stop my wife from dating men until I die, that's what I'll do.
If you ever try to date my wife, I'll take a big chunk out of you.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Rhyme | |

Texas Girl

Texas girl born and raised,
Try our BBQ and ya'll will be amazed,
I'll tell ya somethin' about livin' in the south,
Ya'll will hear, " down yonder," comin' out my mouth,
Back to the BBQ 'cuz it's finger lickin' good,
Pull up dem trucks and prop up on the hoods,
" Hope you fellars brought dem beers witcha,"
"Or I'll swing this switch where the sun doesn't hit ya!"
Heard my daddy say, " I'm hairin' this cat,"
" Ya''ll better mind those manners and learn how to act!"
Them there 'squitters are big this year!
If I call you Darlin' just know it's sincere,
I'm from Texas and maybe our slang is funny,
No where I'd rather be and you can bet that, Honey!
Ya'll come visit, unless, you're scared!
Eat some BBQ and drink them cold beers.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Retail Therapy Please

There's a dinging in the kitchen,
There's a ringing in my head,
Someone's singing in my closet,
But, I fear the tenor's dead.

There's a clatter in my cupboard,
There's a matter unresolved,
There's a tiny pitter patter
Which is screaming up my hall.

There's a titillating teeter—totter
Slamming up and down.
And the bumpiness alone,
Just slid my grin into a frown.

Someone call the proper people,
Shut the silence off and then
Call the plumber, what a bummer,
I am dripping wet again.

All this screaming and complexity.
This damned insipid stain,
Is  deplorable, abhor able
And driving me insane.

And the sum of all this madness
Has my tongue and guts in knots.
So you do all the talking...

Because I forgot the plot.

Details | Free verse | |

Quality Cleaners

Hi- this is Dana from Quality Cleaners
I’m calling to see if you need your carpets cleaned
   Bang- (hang up)
Hi- this is Dana from Quality Cleaners
I’m calling to see if you need your carpets cleaned
   Bang- (hang up)
Hi- this is Dana from Quality Cleaners
I’m calling to see if you need your carpets cleaned
   Bang- (hang up)

Is there really a company out there 
called Quality Cleaners?
I keep hanging up 
and they keep calling back
Will Dana ever get married 
or retire
and leave me alone
with my dirty carpets?
How did she know?

Details | Verse | |

The Jackdaw

The jackdaw is a curious bird
	He hops and runs along,
His genial “tchak, tchak” can be heard – 
	Alas, he has no song.

Why look these corvine birds so old ?
	Jet black and hooded grey,
With beady eye and black beak, bold,
	They chase small birds away.

Corvus Monedula is his name,
	It’s from the Latin took,
With habits very much the same
	Some take him for a rook.

Poor old Jack, has no collective
	For meeting with his friends,
He shouts “Tchak !  Tchak!” and this invective
	‘Gainst all mankind he sends.

Most creatures have collective nouns,
	It really is an oddity –
No way to name this gang of clowns ?
	I’ll christen them JOCUNDITY !

Details | I do not know? | |



Details | ABC | |

Weekend thrill

Weekend thrill.
Friday night no home football game. Video games are a bore. Wrestling the same 
old stuff. So what good is the weekend. 
Sunday is here what a thrill needed to clean.The rotten grill.
Monday can't get here fast enough. 
Then only four days to be completed. Then it's back to the weekend!

Details | Free verse | |

caught'em in the rye

Could I entertain your intellectual osseous matter                                                          
using verbose and other humorous ideophones                                                                
or make you mind laugh tickling your funny bone                                             
using long words and funny sounding words                                                                 
what does the aristocrat say onomatopoeia        
lay it on thick ouch does it hurt what's a matta you
You may say that's not puny never mind the nay Sayers  
Bling-bling sing sing a golden orchestra in Harlem                                                              
I am sofa away from you a couch that causes no harm’em                                                 
a screech owl that is fowl lilith stinks like a pink pig                                                       
exploring this a spelunker doesn’t need a rig                                                                
With their logos while they continue to envoke                                                                    
no peace for the land and that’s no joke                                                                             
old McDonald had a pharm under double bull oink oink                                                    
this is not for tragedy but a comical boink -boink                                                               
a freemen has his eye on your a week dollar                                                                    
catch’em by the tail snippety-snap them                                                                            
I will stand on my Fathers house and holler                                                                      
their justice really is a blind idol                                                                                        
vroom -veroom their vehicles go idle                                                                            
while they rant and rave on Broadway                                                                            
straight is the gate narrow is the way                                                                             
for this little spoof is meant for reproof                                                                              
lights are on as ho-ho they try to give you the Biz                                                         
where not as smart as you thunk yo-yo is

Details | Light Poetry | |

Death of the Dinosaurs

Everyone has a theory on what killed out all the great big Dinosaurs.
I’m the only one who knows, what happened, that stopped their roars.
It’s just a little common sense, to figure out what it was, I conclude.
You see, all those big Dinosaurs were eating up tons of yummy food.

And you must surely know that, what goes in, has to come out, too.
Yep, you’re beginning to get my drift, as it was caused by dino-poop.
I’ll admit, dragon gave me the idea, as I daily continue to pooper scoop.
But there’s a difference between then and now, for volume was the oops.

Man! Those were voracious BIG eating machines… You begin to see?
The black layer, found in the ground, all over the world, was completely…  
Made of ashed, Dino-poop! You see? The world was covered, miles deep…
In the building dino-poop, they say, there’s also, methane there, in heaps. 

So where did it come from? Yep you guessed it, again… Dino-poop.
It came out of the dino- poop, while being squished into fields of oil.
And why do you think, it was a comet, came in and blew them all away?
All it took was a streak of lightening in the pollution of the air, one day.

Yep, one little spark ignited… to get rid of the old, and in with the new.
Methane is highly explosive, and nitroglycerine, comes from poop, too.
You see, no one destroyed them, they did it all to themselves! Ya think?
Why are there still dragons? Because fire doesn’t bother them, so rethink!

Explosions couldn’t get to them, since they don’t poop inside their big caves.
Yep, Dragons were the very first, ecology minded living things, of that day. 
That’s why…Dragons are on Chinese calendars and not dinosaurs today.
So that’s why Dragons are smug, self-centered and expect to be obeyed.

Because they’re the only ones, my dear, who knew what was coming, there.
Still, they tried to warn all the dinosaurs, which refused to listen, anywhere.
So they retreated into their caves, for a long nuclear winter of restful sleep.
Grandpa Troll confirmed it, for he slept there, with Dragons, in caverns deep.

Now I ask you, would you go into a cave of dragons, as your ancestors did do?
Or would you be one of the oblivious, who back then… didn’t have a clue?

2-11-2015 Dragon says potty humor rocks!

Details | Rhyme | |

Fantasy Island

I went to Fantasy Island but my fantasy didn't come true.
I beat up Mister Roarke and I also tried to beat up Tattoo.
When Roarke refused to give me a refund, I went berserk.
I stomped him but when I tried to whip Tattoo, it didn't work.
He kicked my ass just like Mini-Me whooped Austin Powers.
I'm ashamed to say that that little person made me cower.
I have some valuable advice that I want to give to you.
If you go to Fantasy Island, don't try to fight Tattoo.

(This poem is a parody of the TV show.)

Details | Limerick | |

Sprawling Fellow

A fellow would frequently sprawl
Didn't mind where or if he did crawl
All over a place
Or on his head or face
Till one day crashed and hit the wall!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000

September, 8, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |