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Free Verse Sorry Poems | Free Verse Poems About Sorry

These Free Verse Sorry poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Sorry. These are the best examples of Free Verse Sorry poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse | |

A Practiced Sorrow

You’re dressed in gray, and
tattered like the clouds
that hover above you.

Frozen
with the look of a person
who knows of his own
approaching death.

Like the willow that cradles 
dawn's mist of unwept tears—
a practiced sorrow,
earned from decades of watching 
the slow meandering river,
as it draws closer, 
and the banks weather and fall.


Details | Free verse | |

Dear Ex

Dear Ex,

I know you and I had our differences.
We were always finding new ways to say I loathe you.

It was my blameworthiness that allowed the rain to enter your car,
because your window was down.
I’m sorry I didn’t carry my 9 months of pregnant girth, 
down four flights of stairs, to the
outside parking deck, in the rain to roll it up.

It was my fault when the bank account was overdrawn by 6 cents,
due to paying all the bills on time.
I apologize for keeping the power turned on
so I could cook fish sticks and green bean soup on your salary.

It was my fault the car was always out of gas,
since I never drove it anywhere.
What could I do but apologize for that?
It was totally my fault. By the way, I met your supervisor.

Like when I forced you
to have an extramarital relationship with a co-worker
because of the weight I had gained.
I’m so sorry my Motherhoodness was so repulsive to you.

It also was my fault our marriage didn’t last longer than 3 years,
because I chose to be happy without you.
I do regret that almost never. Did I mention my promotion?
But let’s not be sad.

For all the hurtful comments I made about your manhood because,
I couldn’t think of anything nice to say. I’m sorry.
I regret that I didn’t save some of those photos for Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

I deeply regret having never told you I entered you in an ugly man contest.
Or that your third placement, won me an additional $5 gift card. 
Did I mention my new job?

So Ex, 
I hope this heart felt letter of apology
finds you prosperous and in good health.
Keep those support payments coming, and 
Don’t forget to feed the kitty!

Love, your new boss 


Details | Free verse | |

Through the Door

Can you see them run to me – arms wide and laughing,
calling me, Mama: keeper of the stars, moon and hearts?
Can you see them kiss away my pain, healing every hurt
that’s ever marked me broken, dead or dying?

Can you see them hurt me? When they curse me, flay me; 
ground me with their unformed anger and bravado-uncertainty
until they fly behind doors, crying over what they’ve said – 
wishing they could take it back? 

O’, does that pride HURT! 
It stabs the chest and holds…holds…holds.
Can you see them behind doors and feel their wishful hearts burn? 
Can you feel them loving me through it all?
Love is not something easily hidden. Love like that breaks down doors – 
                                    sees through them. 
Can you see my tears; feel the weight of them on your cheeks? 
They are yours. 
Where you are (past the furthest/closest door) can you see me in them? 
Can you see the love I kept hidden in my dark and painful dungeon? 
You never knew what he did to me – but deep down, I blamed you anyway. 
There was only you left, you see; always you.
Can you see, I'm just like you?

If you can see me, you know. 
And if you can hear me crying through this God Damned pen (all those notes – 
all those written sorry’s slipped beneath doors - you must have known that
even at 37, I’d write you my heart in a note!)

You, Gran/Mother, are my one and only regret. 
That for 7 years, I treated you like a burden, a bother, and a barrier. 
I treated you like you should have treated me – an unintentional intruder;
like something taken, not given. 
But worse than that, I treated you like an acquaintance. 
Knowing how badly that must have hurt you, makes me want to be kicked in the face 
until I am unrecognizable; to the rest of the world, and myself. 

But life’s not like that, is it? No. You knew that, too. 

My baby boy has your nose, ears, and eyes. 
Do you think that if I whisper in his ear tonight while he sleeps (between you and me – 
at the doorway), you could hear me?
Tonight, I will whisper love in his perfect ear (pressed up against heaven’s door) -
maybe you will hear me say,

“Indy…Gran, I’m so sorry. If you can hear me, please give me a sign so I will know 
you’ve heard me. I want to see you smile again – just one more time…please…
let me know that somewhere, behind the door, you forgive me…”

And in the darkness of his bedroom; the moonlight covering his small face
like an angel’s kiss, the baby boy in her likeness, smiled.


Details | Free verse | |

Again, and again

The doubt and anger are here again
No surprise, my new friend
Believed I could keep it all away
Now it’s about to steal me away
Come steal me away. Again, and again

Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face

Hearts are craters, deep as wells
Fill them up and hold on well
Sand and mud, the liquid seeps
Dirty tears and sorrows creep
Creep in to swallow me. Again, and again

Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face

Told you, I told you. Remember I did?
This time it was raw, nothing I hid
Unacceptable loathing and regret
Nothing to explain, at least not yet
You will see though. Again, and again

Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face

Consuming distraction, love that I know
It’s dying already with no place to go
You won’t agree and you won’t see
It will never be enough for me
You will hate me so. Again, and again

Why can’t I change the parts that I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face

Let me go, for I am already gone
I’m sorry to make you believe this long
Hopeless rage, directed at you
Walls constructed to block the view
But you will still want me. Again, and again.

I can’t change the parts I hate, and I’ll never be happy again. Again


Details | Free verse | |

A Palindrome called Temptation

A Palindrome, also called Mirrored Poetry, is a poetry type not listed, so I put it under Free Verse.  If anyone finds a better categoy for this please let me know.  Thomas
______________________________________________________________________

Temptation

Temptation
And porn replaced love
Day after day
We are bombarded
Sex and beauty
Objects over heart
Thoughts lustful, confused reality
Isolation supplanted communication
Clouds out move clarity
Facade my life
~Redemption~
Life my facade
Clarity move out clouds
Communication supplanted isolation
Reality confused lustful thoughts
Heart over objects
Beauty and sex
Bombarded are we
Day after day
Love replaced porn and
Temptation


Details | Free verse | |

Daily Thoughts

Everyone thinks they can relate to me
but nobody really understands,
they lie just so you feels as if your not the only one with problems.
the only people that feel as if you do
are the ones that have experienced
what you have.

have you ever felt suicide flowing 
through your veins?
or the sickness thats in your blood
it just drips out of your scars
and spreads to your fellow friends.

have you ever had a kiss of venom
from someone you cant have?
or the touch of someone who wants you 
so much that they have killed
your heart all together.

not understanding yourself so you
go to your friends to council you,
then you just close your eyes
and forget all your feelings?

did you ever hold your tears in so hard
that your eyes start to burn?
or make out as if your smiles are
pretend?
it is easier than answering everyones 
questions over and over.

what about when you see your desire
and your hands start to tremble and
tears fall like nothing before?
you try to imagine what life is like
but when you start it kills you
instantly.

your hell is my heaven
but im just an illusion of your god
and a prediction of the devil.
have you looked so hard that the star
has burnt a symbol in you?

no one cares about your life just whats 
in it.
the talk can lead your head to desicions
you dont want to make.
but like you make your own thoughts 
and everyone disagrees anyway.

if i could stop everyone 
for just a second or a half
i would hate it to tell the truth
but for me to stop my own life
would be a pleasure.

they say listen to your heart but for me
its too late,
because my heart has already stopped.


Details | Free verse | |

Worst Love Poem Ever Written

I suck at dying poems
Chemo poems, Metastatic Cancer poems,
Hair falling out in the shower poems
 
And I told a half truth
When I told you I could write you one
In less than six months (It's been eight)
I apologize for being so late

 
I wanted your poem to be pink and graceful
Like those ribbons
I see all over the internet
Filled with cheesy generic rhymes
That read like a Hallmark audition

  But already my metaphors are melting
And my similes are getting soft
 I guarantee you the rhyme meter will be off

 When I went to Google
And the typed in the word 'happy'
Three billion links came up

Not a single inference to
Breast cancer, hair loss
No redirects to mastectomies
Yahoo wasn't any kinder

 
The only thing research could teach me
Is that a good day on chemo
Is when your stool doesn't come out tar Black
And has no blood in it

Or when your urine
Smells better on Wednesday
Than it did on Tuesday

Sleeping less than 12 hours
When 24 would be better

  
America has more poets
Than it does alcoholics
   And Pot smokers combined
And you chose me to be
Your Breast Cancer
Poet Laureate

Trusting me to write a poem
About the biggest battle in your life

So I refuse to finish this poem
Without something bright and hopeful
 
And don't think
I didn't notice your Facebook activity
Had decreased by 88%
In the last three months

 
And you aren't really
Coming to any more of my poetry shows
Ever again. Are you??
But we still have March, April
Don't we?

 
But even if you had one breast
Or no breast

Or if you had less hair than I do
I promise to look only in your eyes
And never ever even notice
Or even think about it

And never for a moment
Would I feel sorry for you

Yes I suck at lying too...

 
But I don't suck at loving you
Or at hoping you wake up tomorrow morning
 With no Cancer at all
And that The Eiffel Tower will be right outside
Your bedroom window...

And I would be right there with you
Holding your hand while we look down on Paris
And you can impress me with your French again

 
And if I ever make it
To the Pulitzer Poetry board
I might lose a thousand points
Just for this poem alone

And my hopes for the prize will be smitten
And some old person 
With white hair will say
That was the worst love poem ever written


Details | Free verse | |

'Ramblings to a Friend'


I wanted to hug you tonight even though it would not ease your pain I wanted to say it would be okay even though your eyes had lost their shine I wanted to be the ear that you needed when your hurt and pain flowed from your lips I wanted to be all that and more so much more I wanted to say that I love you today even more than I did yesterday just to say that it felt good that you trust me enough to share it all even though you felt the need to say sorry for being sad, sorry for sharing your pain, I want you to know that sorry has no place in this space
310720111510


Details | Free verse | |

The Beauty In Futility

Futility
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn 
and made anew

Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live 
And never touch the sky. 

I have to forget you
I have to reject you 
But I will never love anyone 
like I loved you.....

I heard you whisper 
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes 
But you couldn’t feel it

You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I 
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT. 

I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will. 

Be my dirty little secret 
My very worst-kept secret 
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison 
My infernal and endless attraction 
towards complete and utter self-destruction 

I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....

My addiction 
my confusion
my nightmare
my dream never to come true

Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget 
how you were never there

Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?

I have to face the facts 
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you. 

The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to. 

I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely

It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me

You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
with you. 


Details | Free verse | |

Ocean In The Deep Space Of My Heart

I’m diving deep down into the ocean world full of spectacular plasmatic bubbles enchanting creatures breathed them out orange, yellow, pink , purple and red wallowing through dazzling soft neon-colored starfishes in quest of its most marvelous graces weeds with various tones of green wagging gracefully along the way like curtains in musical enchantments and coral reefs in mountain ranges with their majestic beauty in carousels of fish and seahorses still diving deep down into the ocean world in quest of its marvelous graces in unfathomable depth of rainbow-colored whirlpools deep within I see from afar my precious pearls
8th Place Winner Contest: Space Odyssey Judged: 10/5/12 Sponsor: Poet Nathan -----D September 21,2012 by Leonora Galinta


Details | Free verse | |

in memory of a rose

your velvety blossoms
slowly withers away
once tender roots
have now decayed
at the thought i cringe
such insidious disease
gradually infects
each and every leaf

moldy black spots
crinkled stained edges
your magnificent growth
gradually suppresses
your unsurpassed beauty 
now fuzzed up and gray
crinkled debilated stems
a dull distorted array

shoots barely opened
leaves now curled and bent
such unforgettable moment
your petals soon descend
your spicy scent has drifted
such sickly brittle vein
Flowers now discolored
and left to thrive on pain

after months of nurturing
your once marvelous display
the thought of you slowly wilting
has left me in dismay



*My theme is taken from Constance's Poem "in Memory of a rose"*


Details | Free verse | |

A Letter to Myself

I’m sorry for the nightmare I allowed to be your reality, and
I’m sorry I failed to illuminate a way out
I turned my back on you when you needed me most
I’m sorry I was a coward

I’m sorry for all the damaging words I said to you, but even more
I’m sorry I made you believe they were true
I took you for granted and battled with you every day
I’m sorry I did not think you were good enough to be treated better

I’m sorry for laying too much pressure on you; nobody is perfect, so
I’m sorry for making you believe you had to be
I did not trust you, respect you, listen to you, or appreciate you
I’m sorry I took you for granted

I’m sorry that I pitied you, and
I’m sorry I made you feel foolish and unimportant
I failed to treat you like the remarkable person you truly are
I’m sorry I made you feel you were alone

I’m sorry I did not love you
I’m sorry that I am apologizing to you; the
one person who will be with me always

HOWEVER

I am not sorry for a single tear I wept
each drop represents all that I have endured
I have learned much about life, relationships and most importantly – YOU
pain is temporary
for every burning tear that escapes, relief follows

I will be strong again
I will live again
I will love again
I will trust again

I will survive another day

Diana-Marie Bombardieri
Originally written: November 2005
Re-write: January 2012


Details | Free verse | |

Dear mum

Dear mum

I’m sorry faith didn’t give us
Much time together
For I long
Every time I sit at a table
For your delicacious
Meals

For every time I see 
A mother and child
I can’t help but wish
It were us

Every time I receive a hug
I wish it was from you

Every time I pick up
A picture of you
I wish you would talk to me

Every time I pick up
Your clothing
I wish I could see you in them

When I close my eyes
I see your face
Smiling at me

When I look in the mirror
I see you staring back at me

When I listen
To the song of the wind
I hear a string of your voice
Lingering

Of course
 I love these things all
And treasure them
But I’ll also like to
Have the others

I’m selfish
And will love to have 
Them all
Everything you is 
Always welcome
I’ll never run out of space
For you.


Details | Free verse | |

The longest conversation

I forgot Him who stood by me all this time
Now with nothing left I go back to Him
And He soothes me with a soft hand
Strokes my hair tells me its all about to end
My pain  my guilt its Him who's left
He tells me its a choice I have to make
Death is always an option never self imposed
He told me He is not cruel, He loves me a lot
When I cry in the corner , He wipes my tears
Life might be unfair , but death is not
A new beginning is all what I want
He told me I have never let go of faith
Even when I sinned or betrayed
He sighed when I made mistakes
He smiled at the lessons learned
He looked at me when I looked away
He was there to talk when no one was
He saved me from so much that could have gone wrong
I drifted away , He brought me back
He showed me the way , when I was lost
He trusted me but I trusted no one
Now when I gave up He came to me again
I looked for everyone , never thought its Him
Asked Him , how did I find you?
He said I am amongst those pieces of your broken heart
I was shocked , you were here all this time?
Yes I was always in your beating heart
I felt the pain more than you did
Every time you cried, i was crying with you
Did they realize they stabbed me when they hurt this heart
It bleeds with my pain and some of yours
We are one maryam, all hearts combined
Man will never realize , its the same for all of us
You have to keep breaking your heart to discover me
You look astonished , is it hard to believe?
I replied , you dwell in the heart and I have hurt some too
Yes , I felt that more than they did boo
I am sorry , I don't know why you are still with me
Because I can't let you go , you are a part of me
He said , man is guilty but how soon he forgets
I love all , more than a mother who begets
You are scared of hell, is that why you pray?
The fire is more powerful, then the love I display?
You have been given free will to perceive
Fear of my brutality is not what I need
They think I'm unfair , ruthless and cruel
some scared to say , I know , I made you fool
You've made your own ways of getting close to me
Everyway I adore , I acknowledge everything you do
Universe is love , not some punishment and rules
Believe that I am, and the truth appears to you
If I wanted slaves, I would give you no will
Man is made to discover , man is made to choose
I listen and I watch , I never let you go
You are so dear to me,every unique soul
So its your decision now, come see more
Death is just the beginning of what you really are


Details | Free verse | |

Dance Concert

Ankle wrapped, lipstick gleams
Music is heard in the backbeats of faint rhythms
This is just me, and myself

There are people           there             Lollypop prima donnas
Modern dance bare feet rebelrinas, SpicySalsa Latina Coke Bottles
Loud and HERE hip-hop mamas

Shadows, backstage
Just me, and myself, here

Girls surround the mirror, preening like ugly hens for a rooster
That only sees himself
Lycra glittering tightly stretched, no imperfections allowed In these bodies, 
messing up is no longer an option, it never was a option

Just look at the pretty picture they are painting
Dancing, speaking without voices of their own
poetry in motion, they call it
"I just want them to look at me", she says.
Right.. go ahead and dance to the beat of everyone else

Feet fretfully practicing [Fake]French with an American accent
                           Jeté, pas, Chaîné
S'il vous plaît danser votre coeur hors
In Attitude

                                                                                                   Get It Shawty

This is the very last time

Just me, and myself
Lost in whispers of melodies, movement strains and scents of
Righting lefts, lefting wrongs, up and downs to my
very own song
Stage right, upper wing,
                                      Open up the Curtains
                                                                      Cue and a one, two, three
Spotlight     flashes in the eyes to hide all cynical opinions, judgments are blinded

this is my stage, don’t lie to me, this is my stage
There are no lies here

Four, five, six, seven, eight, and a

And All I Wanna Do
Is just slip away
Into my own
Beat


Details | Free verse | |

Past Is Not Dead Yet

Loyalty with no meaning
Hate with no winning
All there is for tomorrow
That we lost today
Food on the table of contents
Contents of doing nothing
Those times that we past trough
The night the house burned down
I remember the feelings of cold
Even if blaze was around me
You and I look straight to the eyes
I must say
"Im sorry sweetheart i did this"
While i kept walking away
I look back and all i see is flames there
A house with friends and love
All to ashes for one purpose
While i look in the window
Your empty eyes stare at distance
Im sorry all i could say
And then i gave my job done
The contract is sealed
My soul was bound to earth
So in one boy i live on
With his medium senses i accompany him
Until the morning i saw you there
Standing in front of me
Almost 7 centuries away from what is did
Im sorry darling
Im sorry
But now your my prey until we die again.


Details | Free verse | |

Queen of the underground

what do you do when your enemies are friends
plot them against eachother?
hold them back for as long as you can

do you believe in revenge for the scar i left upon you i cannot heal?
i did not seek you out
its like a ghost story
but if your still haunted
if you are hiring people to visit me which i doubt
you are a queen of the underground
and i will never tell

what have you learned about your new power?
and how far down did you have to go to get revenge?
im sorry seriously i cried yesterday i cried the day before and i cried back then
but nothing can replace what i did
and sorry is not good enough
and i deserve a lesson
but life is so precious and you know that

queen of the underground
are you gonna be a good queen or bad?
outsmart me
or use violence
You know ive vowed for silence
i respect you
im onto you
in my deluded thought
im afraid everyday
but every ghost haunts

you are now a queen of the underground
let me help you make the best of it
you are needed in society in case things go awry
im not your target anymore
but you have connections
and your powerfull
what if the world was chaos
what would you change and how
and can i help?


Details | Free verse | |

Healing a bleeding rose

A soul weeps in flesh for the pain I left behind.
 I am sorry for the pain,the tears, I left for you to bear. 
These healing words I send with a bumble bee to heal a bleeding rose. 
These napkin like words I pray can wipe your tears and snotty nose.
 I was young and naive,I cherished my pride instead of your heart . 
There the coldest winter did start. 
If it makes you happy I disposed of the mistress. 
Who faded in long lost memory of shadowed kisses.
 No,no,no I am sorry for writing that,
its a poets bold habit of honesty,
but in writing this I thought i should be honest and honest I shall be.I apologize for leaving your emotions suppressed,unknown and ostracized. 
Yes, I know the ocean swollen with your tears,the angels descended on a bloody battle field to  hear your cry.I hope you can summons them again and reconsider the report to the almighty farther. 
If I could write this apology in the eye of the sky I would,for my remorse to be seen , a once foolish human being .Your heart I didn't mean to decay. I apologize for the lies, cries,for making you eat sadly all those ice creams and soggy apple pies,from absorbing tears fallen from yours eyes. Left to wonder in the vastness of the universe alone. I am sorry also sorry for the smudged ink and some of the lines. I cried along with them, imaging your painful times.


Yours truly Elliott Bowe 
To:Simone Descartes


Details | Free verse | |

I Know Now

The scars will not disappear from my skin: They're the price I pay to atone for my sin. A constant reminder of my hideous deed When they brought to me answers for my self-loathing need. I did this to me, to sharpen my sorrow, To add to my agony, to eradicate tomorrow. The people all see, and for that I'm ashamed. They don't understand; of course I am blamed. I thought my pain was too much for one soul to bear, But I would be missed so much for not being there. So I'm sorry my loves, my family, my friends. It was so selfish of me to want it to end.


Details | Free verse | |

Only Once

Darkness laid around us like a blanket
Consuming us in its womb
She was crying
I was quiet

Crickets chirped softly in the distance

Her face was buried in my chest
She was shaking like a small child
I felt numb
She was sorry

The moon looked down upon us

I thought it would be different
I thought I would be empowered
She thought it would be different
She thought she would be free

I rolled her softly over
I sat up to view the night
She curled up in a ball
Still wriggling with remorse

Patting her on the shoulder
I lit a cigarette


Details | Free verse | |

In Response

In response 

To your worried heart

Mind, mouth and stomach

Your busy thoughts 

 

 


In response to your

Shaking hands and ill head

Your rightfully placed overreactions 

You're right in placing them…pacing then

 


In response to your love for me

Well I cannot ignore it 

So I blush and beg for it

Secretly…of course 

 

 


You are my everything and I will do anything 

To hush your fears 


Details | Free verse | |

I am Free to:

I am free to: Love, 
                  
                       Hope, 
                    
                          Endure, 
                    
                      Sing, 
                 
                        Dance,

                      Cry,

                         Laugh,

                     Grow,

                         Give up,

                     Never stop untill I achivemy goal's,

                                 Live life,
                      
                        Hate! 

               Have the will not to hate,

                 Never give up,

                            Go down the wrong path,

                  To choose the right one,

                        To worship you, Lord!



Details | Free verse | |

Unbearable

I hear you in your room
The words he shouts are unclear
But I hear every tear that escapes your eyes
I feel every tear that is replaced inside

Unbearable

I hear you calling out
Begging for him to stop
I'm frozen with fear
Picture clear what he's doing to you
What he's done to me

Unbearable

The sound of every time he hits you
Bruises deeper than the skin
I hear a smash and know
He's vindictively broken something you love
Stinging more than his punch

Unbearable

Children no longer allowed to talk
Fearing a beating for simply looking at each other
Now it seems clear why he kept us separate
Suffering in our solitude
Though for me yours will always be..

Unbearable 

When you said to me
Recently
Your childhood ended 
When you were ten
When Dad died and we moved in with him
Where you summed up our childhood
In words so powerful in their few 

Unbearable

Knowing that your sad
Knowing that your crying
Knowing you can't forget
Knowing you feel what I feel
Knowing so much of what he did to you 
The guilt for not being able to help you
Then, now, always.

Unbearable


Details | Free verse | |

Elevators: 5 Horsemen

Part 1

Onion

the delicacy of friendship

I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.

Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell

Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps

Part 2

Traitor

dear monkey boy

Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.

Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.

Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.

Part 3

Tempest

patron saint

Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed

Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection

Rise you fool

Part 4

Phoenix

i love you

close the grip
cinched hematic grip
drenched, clawing
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight

i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me

i am alive and i love you

Part 5

Aye, Damager

Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love

I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you

This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware

...


Details | Free verse | |

"no wait...I can explain"

A girl
Leads an eager man to a cab beyond the door of drunken rants and soaked 
sorrows.
His lucky day it seems....his lucky day.
A kiss she lends with no resistance distracts them from the headlights that 
follow in the distance.
They arrive....

A man
Once oblivious to her ways watches as they stumble.
He knows now the answer of his questions....He had hoped them different.
Vengeance rules him.
He follows....

A couple.
Fumble with keys amid  passion and desire.
The door opens and she leads to a bed secretly shared with another.
His lucky day!
"what was that sound?" 

A cigarette
Burns slowly in the corner.
A man, a weapon, a hateful heart.
She reasons.
He tries to explain.
He fires.....



Details | Free verse | |

i wish

i wish you could have
looked deeper into
my eyes 
and knew what
was there for you

i wish you could
have known what my
lips were trying to
tell you but were 
afraid to do so

i wish i had held 
you closer. that i had
known that one  day
would be the very
last time i would 
see you

i wish you could have 
known what my heart
said each time i saw you
how i felt when my hands
touched your face


i wish i had told you
how it made me feel
when you kissed my
lips over and over 
and told me how 
beautiful i was

i wish you could have 
been braver and therefore
able to tell me what you
were going to do
when you were so sad

and ... i wish and i wish,
and i wish,  but all i can see
is you,  and how handsome
you were the last time
i saw you; and how i 
longed to tell you i loved 
you too...

i wish.


Details | Free verse | |

Lifeway

I knew, I knew something like this would never come my way.

But He did come my way... and he is my lifeway today.

I'm not sorry that the beat that grew inside of me came about the world this way,

and I'm not sorry that the "burden" as they say will be with me the rest of my way,

and I'm not sorry that he came to be in my walkway,

I, yes I am sorry I acted in such a way, I went down the wrong pathway.

But God already new what that highway would bring my way.
 
Thats why I'm not sorry, because the little baby boy I hold today is my lifeway.


Details | Free verse | |

Brotherly Love

Brothers shall be loved 
I am my brothers keeper 
the love of brothers is real. 
God loves the brothers,
as well as all people.
Life of love 
brings brothers together. 
Togetherness is 
authority of love 
as life is toword the
love of brotherly bliss


Details | Free verse | |

Painful Sorrow and Loneliness

I’m sitting on a park bench…in the rain
Crying, with no one to console me…
I lost my family…and I lost my friends
And what’s worst is that my love left me…
I never knew that loneliness could hurt so much
And I never thought that it could happen…to me
Well I guess I was wrong…

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!

Now I walk home alone…with nothing
On my mind, except for misery…
I sit in the corner…where it is dark
So that I can escape reality…
I never knew that sorrow would hurt me at all
Because I believed that I was too strong for that
But I guess that I was wrong…

The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!

These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!


Details | Free verse | |

She Still Cries

The woman
That I have loved with lust
But she
Has loved me with heart and soul
Can say
That I have made our trust a maze
Like the fox that cried wolf
I played a game to gamble truth
And now
I've taken steps to clean my feet
Which gathered debris of solicited lies
...so on and so
The nights we try to communicate
Baffled and confused I wonder why
She still cries


Details | Free verse | |

I Wish

I’m fresh out of lies
My eyes are all out of cries
My heart can’t take any more pain
And this feeling is driving me insane
I wish things didn’t turn out this way
I wish I was the height of your day
Can’t believe it turned out this bad
Why am I the reason for your sad?
I wish I could erase our memories
But I hope you will always remember me
Things got bad and went down the hole
Now the pain we feel is much to cruel
Amazing how things can change
Now nothing could ease the pain
So what’s left when you’re lost and alone?
That still remains unknown…


Details | Free verse | |

Old Red-bone Hound

Damn old worthless dog.
Lazily, he lies in the shade of my porch
by my rocking chair.
Useless but for tick food and flea fodder.
Too old to bark at a cat or wild rabbit.
Asleep he lies with one eye open
as if to protect me, if he still could
like when he was an overgrown pup
back then, so quick to pounce 
on a troublesome snake or wild hog
gone them days -long gone.
We all should pay for our keep
I should put him down for his old age

A kindness.
He's just old.
He and I lost some weight since my wife passed on
we miss her biscuits but he still gets the house, 
to sleep by the fire she started that bad habit.
Now when inside he goes, from room to room, 
looking for her, always her
and the kids, he loved the kids.
Grown and gone a long time now they are 
and he knows still he looks for them.
I am sure he misses them more than they miss him.
I will have to tell them. It has to be done!


This kindness
I don't think they will cry. I will not; no, not I
"Hear that old dog? Not one tear from me!"
The kids will have too understand.
Damn old worthless dog.
We all should pay for our keep.
I should put him down for his old age
a reward, I think, to keep him from pain,


Just a kindness,
a thank you for nothing, 
same as a gentle pat on the head.
A sad job this kindness
but not today -no; not today!
I've too much rocking to do; today!
Maybe tomorrow!
Or the next; maybe soon-
Yes,
I see no rush to this kindness
no rush at all.


Details | Free verse | |

Ready and Waiting

I’m ready and waiting to find your love again
Ready to be the one your heart lets in
How great was my sin that caused you much pain
From you my mind was gone, but my heart remained
So hard to maintain, so hard to refrain
From cursing the God and the heavens above
For I have lost my one and only love
But because, of my stupidity, I caused my humility
Literally, my heart was torn in two
How could I ever hurt you?!
Now this has caused us to regrettably separate
Has my own foolishness sealed our love’s fate?
As I sit and contemplate, I imagine the time
When your heart will once again become mine


Details | Free verse | |

A Letter to My Son

On this day I write to you my dear child
In hoping that this letter finds you well
After many years of hardship I gave you
I’ve begun to wonder how you are
And how you have grown up to be

In these final years of mine,
 I now truly see the mistake I made
The mistake that cost me so much
My mistake that cost me those I love
My Mistake that cost me my son and family

I know I hurt you and caused you so much pain
I hurt you physically, emotionally, and mentally
I brought to you a pain a father should never bring upon a child

I was blinded by the ignorance and hatred taught to me
I let it cloud my mind and I embraced it.

I don’t seek forgiveness from you
All I wanted to say is that I still love you

I am truly sorry I was not the father you expected me to be
I wish I could have been a better father to you
And not the cold hearted bastard you came to know
All I hope is that your dreams come true

May you have a sweet nights and happy days
With all my love I send you this letter,
May those that love you keep loving you,

With all my love,
From an old man that wishes he can change the past.


Details | Free verse | |

WIthout You

alone in the corner i watch her play
skin glistening in the suns golden ray
peaceful and innocent she sits by her self
to you nick knack high up on a shelf
No kisses from you no hugs come either
Christmas presents, kind words neither
not once did you ever console her cries
fight with her clothes or her hair ties
not once have you tucked her in at night
cuddled her close because of her fright
taught her a new trick to show every one
gave her a bath when the day was all done
never have been there whenever she was sick
to hold her close for the needle stick
and watch her tears roll down her sad cheek
or be her words when she could not speak
alone in the corner she knows not who you are
not by a slight chance and not from afar
you missed out on all the first things she did
when things were hard you ran and hid
now that its easier you think you should show
the damage is done if you dont already know
she doesn't need you to pretend that you care 
to be the person that should have been there


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Sorry-A Poem for my kids-Jani, Billy, Josh, and Kristin

I'm sorry to all of my children
How I wish I could go back to change
The wrong things I've put you all through
And to make time rearrange
Those times to good moments for all of you
I'm sorry for what my life, fears and screw ups have put all four of you through
I simply rolled with what those fears handed me
Yes I so should've done more
And not just let it be
I was so scared and didn't really know what to do
When you're standing inside a house with the rook on fire
Well you, in that moment, are to blind to see
What's happening all around
Now I see it all to clearly and the fire is burning everything down to the ground
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should've been
There's no excuse for it
Those wounds you now bear may not ever mend
And I live with that everyday
But that doesn't mean the love that I feel
For each one of you isn't real
It most certainly is
I'm not asking any of you to forgive me or accept my apology
But know that this all comes from my heart
Pain and rage will tear ones soul apart
And none of these words will make the past different, go away or any better
We do still have a chance, however, to overcome it and get through the stormy 
weather together
Being better people in the end
So while this don't make my mistakes you bear go away
I still need to say
You can hate me more and more everyday
If that's what is helping you to get by and cope
But no matter how much hate you have for me, I still love all four of you 
unconditionally
Perhaps one day you can each find it in your hearts to forgive me
Not for me, but for yourselves cause it's truly the only way you'll ever fully be able to 
move on........Love Mom


Details | Free verse | |

Generic Minds

generic minds listen to generic music
have generic thoughts that are unknowingly abusive
watch generic things talk about generic things
gee this generic *****is spreading like a disease
better get your flu shot 
thats what they said to me
a suicidal vaccine 
a subliminal killing spree
its contagious and the outrageous
thing about it is that the people are blind in an eye
that they didn't even know they had
it's sickening to watch these clueless civilians 
inside the looking glass
with nightmares of being free
without a key to their mind
for it is trapped in the frequency
in the illusion of time
bathed in our universe
killing all that refuse to see
those that admit to hypocracy
or see the message in hip hop
how cant you see
the message in the lyrics that
bring adolescents to their knees
from bullet wounds conflicting their flesh
contradicting that they're the best
but the songs keep telling them that they dont need no rest
that they dont wanna go home
that they should ride alone
with the gat as their only companion
and so the only path they choose is the one that they're told
until they grow old and hope turns to a window pane
inside a window pane, until all they feel is pain
they realize that the music itself is ashamed
so whats to look up to
when you cant even speak when you cant even walk because you look so bleak
your eyes are sunken from the tv you're infested with the dee zees
now its too late to turn around and live for your conscious
so when youre screaming oh please
close your eyes and bring your mind to life
open your eyes for the first time
and never wonder why
since the answer this entire time
has been inside
and you better find it before you die
you dont want your soul to be in a pool with all the others
a buncha brothers missing their mothers
but only seeing strangers
only feeling the haters
wishing they would have used their minds when they had them
and now its too late,
now it's time for another new born fate to grab them


Details | Free verse | |

Three Verbs

a well dressed mess,
I am but a man
with a sinister past
seeking redemption.

b*tching,
venting,
& ranting.
are three verbs I tend
to utilize while writing.
because writing is my outlet,
my craved for aperture,
even my superlative release
in the pursuit of an escape
from a reality which once
was capable of compelling 
my lips to crease into a smile,
but now only fills my chest 
with the tension of a thousand
cold-sweat soaked nightmares.
These three vulgar verbs
keep my mind lucid
through my abdication
of actuality for the
necessary occupation 
of thought required 
to keep these demons 
composed of crushed pills
and empty bottles at bay.

I feel the genius today.
I love every word, letter,
and line that I'm writing.
but tomorrow I'll hate this.
I'll think this sh*t is worthless
as I consider deleting it all.
Yet I can't part with it.
like my utter inability to
forget & let go of this fading
amatory connection whose
love once gave me hope as
well as sex that left scars,
both cerebral and somatic.
I loved her so f***ing much
and if I'm being honest, 
I must admit I still do.

as a parting favor
I simply ask you not
to confound these
words I write with
apathy and despair;
 they may sting off
the tip of my tongue
but they come from
a place that's sincere
and filled with more
than mere goodwill.
I simply have a crestfallen
& despondent perspective.

This, too, will
pass with time.
or so they say.


Details | Free verse | |

The Righteousness Of Love

Love is a wonder shared by one another it's the only reason I'm not six feet under Love in which I believe in a will to sustain I give back to life, now in dormant states of pain The power of Love may not alone be enough locked inside my dreams escape only from above higher than any human being has ever gone before I must have evolved rise above hate, great once more My Father taught me wisdom I am imprisoned no longer now an beast not of burden I am no lion, I am stronger on my shoulder sits twin dragons long awaiting the day evil forces come forth to take what Love is left, away A Hero of Love light are what the world needs angels, not demons exist where ever you believe follow your heart's direction and you shall achieve objects of affection rid of materialistic greed My bright energy has awakened to a fire never consuming the source as the flames just grow higher that is the desire of a product we call Love Fear, the counterpart what I was once made of I am slowly learning how to win when my peace is harder to sharpen so I have given my pen leave the sword has its uses I must say I believe to vanquish the evil in the minds too diseased to serve any purpose except their own selfish ones tomorrow a new day in the clarity of the sun where we two are now one and one done now does bring about a great change lit by the righteousness of Love.


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for awl the prayers

Youse darn tootin' sure
we'll be gettin up for church
on a Monday mornin'

Huh dearie?

That brain is so itty bitty
I could pick it up- with
both thumbs

Like the invisible crumbs
laying- on our coats and pegs
ya hear?

Wrap 'em oats around yer legs
real good now

It'll rain

Oh lawd I know it will
everyday of our lives
it be rainin'.


Details | Free verse | |

Unwanted One

One much given
to introspective self absorption,
little inclined to action,
I record this plaintive piece.....
The years go by and, though I age,
I am still the lone, unwanted one.
Early it was I learned
to embrace pain, or to avoid it.....
never to invite, through any expectation,
added disappointment.....
always penning solitary lines,
mere mental meanderings.....
My drab world,
all dry sand and clouded sun,
sparsely populated,
was a nearly vacant, arid desert.
All my laurels for achievements
I, and others, immediately devalued.
Nothing I did could
be worthy of a lauding.....
no good could come from
an unwanted one,
one outside the pale.....
not from such a joyless one.

The years go by, and still,
I am I.....
the lone, unwanted one.


Details | Free verse | |

fearful, fearless


i’m scared.
scared of odd little things:
glass doors,
windows,
leading to the outside world.
paranoia of unexpected guests,
curled under cupboards, and strangers stabbing on sidewalks.
i’m alone in my dark fantasies.

and yet, i’m unafraid.
i crave the reckless life, cheating, binging on drugs and sex and life.
the life where i’m the unknown girl that everyone knows.


Details | Free verse | |

She Hates Me...A Tragedy...

Ignore me...Why?
  "You’re a LOSER thats why!"
You Hate me, What did I do?
  "Why else, you are you!"
What is that supposed to mean
  "Figure it out, you’ll never win,"
I said I was sorry, What more do you want?
  "You ARE sorry, Pathetic, a Dork and a runt."
Is there anything I could do to change your mind?
  "I want you leave, what are you blind?"

Fine then I’ll go, but I want you to know,
I’m sorry for the things that I’ve said and I’ve done,
I’m sorry for the feelings, the love I didn’t show...

And the boy turned away, down the track where they run,
And ended his life...with the shot of a gun.

And when the girl heard, she uttered not a word,


For to miss him, to care,  or feel sorrow, well, that would be absurd...


Details | Free verse | |

Only Human

I have so many emotions caught up inside of me,
There are times they overflow and push me to my knees.
However the part that truly bothers me, is when 
I am roughly pressed by others, sometimes they 
take control and I  say things that I honestly regret.
When this happens I strive to apologize and make
it right. However there are times that no forgiveness
comes forth and this is when deep in my heart and
mind I am trapped and fret.

I feel such shame for the words I spoke in anger and
the sting of pain they brough to a brother or sister, 
as well to myself. Sometimes I want to rip the heart
that betrayed me out of my own chest. To purge
the emotions from it that caused me to fall.
To erase all the words from my mind that could
ever cause me to repeat such offense. However
I realize I am only human and that
it is impossible.


Details | Free verse | |

Red silk covers

you meant nothing you never said
it still meant the world to me,
a shameful encounter,a sinful collabration
making a fool of myself again and again
the time you said youll never leave me right in to my eyes
can someone lie straight in your eyes?
The time you hugged me and said you care
can someone touch you and lie in your face?
you left me without a letter ,without a hug
millions broken,never knew someone could be heartless
i have grown old in the hopes of maybe
you would turn back and come to me
nothing needed but an apology
just tell me i was wrong , i shouldn't have done what i did
i should not have said something else, where there is nothing i feel
why is it so hard for our self esteem
to admit we are wrong, respect our fellow beings
indifferent to my emotions, it doesnt hurt anymore
are we actually humans,or some mind controlled robots
i long for the day when he would realize
how he shattered my beliefs and my desires
i know he's happy  he has moved on
is that it? never to be held accountable for?
perhaps it was right , what goes around comes around
maybe karma was mistakenly brought to my door
i wish he stays happy,i dont have any grudge
i cant be burdened with one more regret
life is unfair, painful as we move on
just hard to believe,its us , we are the morons
we know the pain,we still hurt others
its not life thats hurtful, its us
everyone so anxious in running the race
knocking others out to get to the finish line
so selfish and needy we are blinded with lust
in the end man realizes ,what was it worth?
you may win the race , be crowned the king
and proudly you'd walk back to your home
sit on the couch sip hot chocolate
in the darkness of the night, youll try not to fight
think about your achievements laugh and smile
no one to cheer you, you look left and right
what is the use of being a lonesome winner?
when you have stabbed everyone to get to the position
I would rather be in a group of losers
where we all cry together at our failures
we dont have much, but we have each other
we sleep on the ground,amazing dream world there is
no pillow for our heads, no covers on our beds
but our dreams are so beautiful, we'd never want to miss
you may sleep on your silk covers with a beautiful woman on your side
you close your eyes and hear from within, deep sighs
you cant sleep peacefully on your victorious covers
remembering what youve done ,a cloud of regret hovers
or maybe you are indifferent, its not a big deal
one day it will, you will know how i feel


Details | Free verse | |

Hear Me

Hear me.
Please listen.
My little squeaks mean something.
Help me.
I can’t.
This pain is molesting my spirit.
Is it
worth it?
Should I leave everything behind and just “poof” away?
Please try to
Help me.
My physical appearance is starting to fatigue.
Save me.


Details | Free verse | |

Addict

Screaming, ranting, raving
When the world didn't do it your way,
Your anger so violent
I feared for your heart;
A blood vessel, like a fuse
That's all it takes
Blown and you 're out
Forever.
You threatened so often
That it would make us happy
If you died.
No! No! No!
That's not the way
It's supposed to be.
We love you then and now.
We wanted for you
The help you so desperately needed
And we couldn't give
Or get for you.
You  have to ask for yourself.
Yet, you would not, could not ask;
It would not be manly
To show such 'weakness".
Now, we say,
If only, if only,
If only, what?


Details | Free verse | |

Safe Travels

I walk dark
Mid night camouflage my face
Provide sanctuary against
Malicious souls and deadly spirits 
Who seek to pick my life to insanity
Who offer my body up as road kill
A decade ago, five years ago, yesterday, tomorrow;

Smiles bright as the sun in mid sky
 Grins at dusk 
Sneers at twilight
Mocks mid night;

Flesh pick from 
Blue black brown bodies 
Peel back by hot coal 
Set to noose five hundred years of dreams;

I slide through the darkness
Naked
For safety
Mid night camouflage my likeness
Blinds malicious souls and deadly spirits to my breath;

I watch
Listen
As siblings dressed in multi-colored joys
Are picked insanely from life 
Torn from the fabric of their mid day lies
By truth of white fire
Rope 
Tar
Blood. 


Details | Free verse | |

My savior

It’s been years and I did nothing but watch the walls crack
I look everywhere and see a glimpse of things I missed
I try to go back to do things that was undone
But what’s in the past can never be undone
I’m so littler now
Stuck in the jail of my heart 
Broking to pieces 
Barely breathing
weeping bitterly for my savior 

I’m sorry for I left you for so long
I’m ashamed of holding you
You were the only one who gets me
You’ve always been here through my ups and downs
And I simply walked away from you
I always exploded all my feelings to you
You did nothing but listen 
Never judge me with a glance
I’ve hit you
Threw you
Broke you
You’ve always forgave me 
And came back 

You always knew what was really there
I didn’t need to show you for you to see
I spilled my heart to you 
Without even saying a word
You just simply knew
You helped me find my words 
To show the world 
As it is from my heart
For they need lots of words to understand 

With just a movement of my hand
You helped me draw my dreams my thoughts my unspoken words 
On these wet forgotten papers	
Gave it a new life 
A new story to share

I promise ill never leave you again 
Forgive me, My Pen My savior



Details | Free verse | |

If I might be

If you want me to express,
Then let me progress.

If you love me,
Give me a break,
'Cause thinking of it,
I may not stay...

If you love me,
Let me lead,
If you love me,
Let me go deep,
If you love me,
I may love you,
If you love me,
Just let me be.

What if you die?
What if I'm gone?
Do you know me?
We all have secrets...

If you are hurt,
I might burn,
If you cry,
I might cry,
If you win,
I might lose,
If you bleed,
I might bleed,
If you live,
I might live.

We all have sins,
We all have burdens...

We can hear,
We can see,
We can know,
We can think,
We can feel,
We can comprehend.

Sorry.
Just let me be.
Because life and time aren't eternal,
They aren't meant to last forever...

Please,
Sorry.
Just let me be...


Details | Free verse | |

Electromagnetic Radiation The Mist in Decay

Electromagnetic Radiation

Secretly – unbeknownst to me – you were holding out a light
of hope for me to see, to reach for, to bask in, some day.
If I had only the foresight, the insight, the wisdom to
have seen, to  believe could become a reality some day.

You were / are the Angel that held the light of my essence
in the palm of Your, hand, so gentle yet strong.
I am so SORRY that I sentenced to death, to the grave, 
that flame of hope – that in my stupidity had extinguished. 

The Mist in Decay

Into the quagmire of, into the swampy dregs of 
 aloneness have I relegated my soul, my spirit –
to become trapped inside a forest of putrefying 
driftwood images – lost forever the potential
for love from, or to love and have that love be desired.
Love is now left to rot, in the black arms of Hell’s
icy embrace ( forever and a day ) because of my lack
of wisdom, my lack of faith – in myself, my desirability –
in your motives, your reasons for keeping me at bay,
for continually pushing me away. 

I am so SORRY Moneca, for my lack of wisdom,
for my lack of faith in any kind of future, 
in were you stated you wanted to go with me, 
in my blindness, my stupidity, my ineptness, 
my perceived / projected insecurities.
I am SORRY that in my stupidity, I believed 
that what you constantly conveyed to me
throughout our time together 
- expressed verbally and in your physical reactions
to my attempts at expressing affection for you –
would not be seen through the veil of blind love .

I am SORRY that I believed in what you said to me,
what I thought was a truth, was a reality, was my fate.

I am SORRY !, I am sorry that I could not see, 
would not see, did not see.

Love
Bill .

B. J. “A” 2
October 6th 2007


Details | Free verse | |

Natural gemstones of life

Earth’s natural gemstones thunder down
Miriards of multi sized scattered diamonds tumbling
trained jewels, beads, roll down roof glazing
Tiny shards of light begin to bounce, dance and reflect magnificantly
At first twinkles of days sunlight peep from behind storm clouds
Enters sunrise, day breaks
Vast darkness of night-times tears quickly disperse
evaporating to the brighter warmer climate
Nature’s tears are quickly dried 
Outside still few mirrors remain reflecting the skies and beauty
Besides these little basins of wonder
patchy shadowed pavements still damp retract
As temperatures rise I recollect musing over shrinage of moisture
Just as the tides retrace their steps back to the oceans
But who ever sees their journey thereafter
The cycle of life continues whether we notice or not
So every droplet wasted counts
As climates change so must we
Earth and sea compositions alter
It’s down to us to make a difference
To help preserve and protect the living species
and precious commodities we need for every day living
before these treasures are lost, gone from our world altogether
Richer or poorer are we crumbling our planet
At the cost of bling we run down waste holes
Or leave to trail the land around us
Are we throwing our futures away
Should we not be evaluating the cost of new things precious
The waters of life, catch them if you can
Earths natural gemstones thunder down


Details | Free verse | |

Life Can Be Cruel

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum, coming for me?

"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"

I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now

I wish God 
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!

“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!

I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if 
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own

A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!

Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Dirty tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm

“What am I going to do?”

“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?

“Is my life worth living?”

Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!


Details | Free verse | |

Such a Small, Silly Little Thing

It was such a small, silly little thing- 
hardly worth mentioning...
but how could I spew such vile, hateful words?
Cheeks flushed red, eyes cast down
she turned clumsily and stumbled away...
fading in the mist

It was such a small, silly little thing- 
hardly worth mentioning...
but how could I spew such vile, hateful words?
Cheeks flushed red, eyes cast down
I turned clumsily and stumbled away...
fading in the mist

It was such a small, silly little thing-
hardly worth mentioning...
but how could I spew such vile, hateful words
fading in the mist...

 


Details | Free verse | |

American Idol

You had me briefly careening
towards that crooning
but your excessive preening
and secret self-loathing
won an abrupt ending


Details | Free verse | |

The Eyes

The Eyes

The eyes so shattered and so blue,
You sit there and you knew
The pain of losing someone close to you,
And you beg for their return,
But a wish so great, can never be granted.

The eyes shattered and blue,
Watch you,
Take the bottle and drowned yourself,
They watch you destroy yourself,
And they know what they do,
Yet they show no remorse, no pain in heart.

You fall asleep
On a dirty mattress,
Held up by broken dreams
And nightmares,
No pillow, no blanket
Just air you float on.
And your blind eyes close in the night,
The dreams come back to haunt you
And the eyes, they watch you,
So shattered and so blue.

Till three o’clock hits again
Wake in cold sweat,
Spiders on webs weaving a nest
In your head,
A cry out for the Madhouse,
Where the eyes so shattered and so blue
Stare at you, through a window with no reflection.

-10/3/2013


Details | Free verse | |

Delicate Facade

You were my bottomless steady pursuing,
My constant race that effervesced taint,
The sea hound that ran cold down self-medication’s neck,
And drank the blazing deception until pain was numb.

I craved you, used you, 
I stole your social solution of satin stains,
And regretted my nauseating fraud of swift defense,
I couldn’t grip myself without your consoling illicit illusion,
Shattered armor would glisten with guilty fabrication,
Then trickle your soothing intoxicating sap.

Passionate attempts to fasten my crisis, 
Have left shards of Lucifer’s sensual glass,
Scattered around my sleep like polluted pests of consequence,
That confounds my falsehood and ruptures my patience.

Yet I still hunger for your vulgar sedating sweetness,
Your sticky pretense reviving charade of hope,
Your complete anesthetic that is so effortless,
And the incessant lace of my own deception.

  


Details | Free verse | |

Child of Mine

You are my love,
my hearts content.
you are my life,
a life ideal.
you are my joy,
and you are my happy.
happiness like no one else can bring.
you are my hopes,
and you are my dreams.
you light up my life.
you are my everything.
you are my fear,
and frustration.
you are my pain,
and you are my anger.
you bring out the best of the worst in me.
you are someone to blame,
someone to hurt,
someone who is no one who deserves the anger inside of me.
you are my child.

A child you should be,
I should love you as God intended.
I wish someday our bond can be mended.
I have made choices, i can not take back.
I can not make up for the motherly lack.
circumstance and situations have put me here,
feeling hopeless and living in fear.
anxiety has stricken me,
I have succumb to my disease.
giving up on what i believe,
I have become someone in need.
I can no longer give my love,
my patience has run dry.
my heart has grown cold, 
my eyes can no longer cry.

Forgive me for the mistakes I have made,
forgive me for the pain in your heart,
forgive me for the tears in your eyes.
I too am a child, learning how to become wise.

I love you child of mine


Details | Free verse | |

i'm sorry

I'm sorry for the things that i dont do.
i'm sorry for the things that i dont say.
i'm sorry for being a pain to you.
i love you with all my heart all night and day.
i may not say it much
but i love u a whole bunch.
i'm really not trying to make this rhyme
but i dont know how else to put it.
I love you baby


Details | Free verse | |

It's All Over Now

I've been your friend,
deep down into the well,
and on the highest hill.
I have accepted your faults,
weaknesses,
your constant guilt.
I encouraged you to move on,
become better,
to get away from who you were.
But my dear friend,
it's all over now.

I confided in you,
my mistake, 
you were still in a drunken stupor.
You said you wanted the truth,
so I took my heart out,
there you became a butcher.
I thought you could accept me too,
but you just dug into the secret inside,
and there I would lie.
You say it's the alcohol talking,
you were just wasted,
but that's no excuse.
And my dear friend,
it's all over now.

Maybe with me gone
you could get the hint.
You need to get out of all this.
I watched you lose love, 
after love,
because of your closest friend,
your drink,
your novocaine.
Now it's one more loss for you.
My dear friend,
I wish you would just listen.

It's time for you to take a solid hint.
Your novocaine will kill your soul,
become your pain,
and you will never know, 
what I know.
That all you do,
your dear friend and you,
is drive out everyone who truly cares for you.
And because of this,
the years I have sat by, 
and watched you drink away your life,
I must say this very day.
It's all over now.

Our unending friendship,
it must now end.
I pray that one day you sober up,
but till then,
my dear friend,
it's all over now.


Details | Free verse | |

STAINS OF BLOOD

STAINS OF BLOOD

I heard the cries from far away
The sounds of anguish all the way
The tears had flowed like Tsunami floods
A plague has led our land awry

Scenes of passionate rages reigned
Heartbreaks, shots of depression rained
Like an abattoir filled with bones and blood
Our lands became awash with blood

Heartless hands that maimed our men
Have struck our land with darts at will
With gruesome tact their tasks were done
The task to slay our men away

We saw our warriors staggered and fell
With bloodied limbs and heads and being
We saw our kindreds breathe their last
And could not awake to our calls and groans

Can you hear the helpless orphan’s howl
Their mothers struck with shock untold
As their losses, pains and grief unfold
Oh, who shall mend their hearts apiece!


  …Dedicated to the many lives who have been devoured by sectarian terrorist attacks in my nation… and beyond… 


Details | Free verse | |

THE DRUNKEN PEN

A one eyed drunken pen stares at blank paper with blury vision It begins to stuble and trip as it walks on the lines, It vomits words unsettled in its abdomen the master of this drunken pen is drunk to they vomit together from the summit of golden mountain tip They refill and sip taking the paper for a trip to the bar then off to the rum oceans were they wet the paper with tranquil words contaminating marine life fishes swin in circles inebriated swimming into reef ascending beyond the sun writing with skill and thrill until the end has come and fingers are numb babbling,babbling all around safe and sound writing on air and ground,words profound placing gems on paper vomited from inner abdomens ground many jewels discovered and found from inner drunken thoughts what am I saying displaying playing in drunken circles like a bike in your mind, like circles of confusion  sorry its my drunken pen,sunken in drunken ink did I just make you think crossing and tossing papers while flossing words teeth dose it shine like a nickle or dime damn I need some more wine to rhyme and climb poetic mountains soaked by a fountain of drunken inc ok the poem is over I am vomiting down the sink my pen is sober it can no longer think,some more I must drink,did I just say the poem was over sorry its my drunkens pens fault dancing with whirl pool singing with eagles I stole a bone shaped pen from a beagle hiding in clouds drifting above in the brain of the sky oh my rapid heart beats connecting to a world beyond and beyond,beyound sober Ok it's enough liquor for you old pen sorry its my drunken pen hang over hang over poetic hang over POETRY SOUP PLEASE gulp gulp gulp AHHHH much better



BEHOLD my poet friends I created a new kind of poem it is called drunkenpen. There is no need for correct spelling or grammar,you don't need to stick to one theme,any thing goes.The only requirment is the following you must blame every thing on you drunkenpen. Take a (SHOT) at it. Have fun LOL.

WithIn this eccentric format their is two different styles. The wine drunken pen and the rum drunken pen. The wine drunken pen does not have any periods and not as much misspelled words. However it still has a drunken flow and its still drink and stumbling. The rum drunken pen is the most articulate pen,it has many misspelled words and grammar errors. Along with a crazy unpredictable read. Any and every thing can happen.

What i have written is wine drunken.


By:Elliott Bowe


Details | Free verse | |

Hey to Everyone Who's Been Brocken Hearted!!

Hey to everyone who has ever loved 

the Guy i trusted and i loved lied to me and 

pretended to trust me while he would whisper 

sweet little things only just for one thing this is not fair 

Why did he lie if the truth was not right how could this be 

this just upsets me and i can't think no more its so hard to

think and how do i feel u ask me now that we don't got nothing to do with 

eachother how could u do this i loved u so much the love i had 

for u will never be gone the trust in u is now so far 

away all i want u to know is 

How Do u Fell Now That Am Gone ?


Details | Free verse | |

Next Time

Next time
We will have more time
To sit
To laugh
Share our secrets
Talk about our yesterdays
Dream of our tomorrows

Next time
I will be more patient
Less critical
I will only see the good
The best of you
I will cherish your laughter
See beyond what I need

Next time
I will celebrate
Stand up and cheer
Marvel at your skill
Brag about you
Yes you
Your accomplishments
Your spirit
I will be proud
I will be the loudest in the room

Next time
I will not be distracted
By so many things
I will ignore the cell phone
Put down the remote control
Turn off my computer

Next time
Will be here and now
Today
Yes today
I see you
I am with you
In this moment
For this hour
For this day
In this way
This is our time
Take my hand
Sit with me
No 
Do you really have to go
I understand

Next time!


Details | Free verse | |

No Memories

I didn’t know you 
I never really talked to you
But you created my sister
You brought her to my family
You were trying to be better
You were trying to be better
That’s what hurts me the most
That I didn’t know you
That I never really talked to you
But you were trying
And you are missed
I thank you for being you
For doing everything you did
Even the mistakes
Because you passed something on
You made an impact
My cousin you were
My family you will always be
I didn’t know you
We fought the last time I ever talked to you
Then you were gone
So young
So sudden
But I think of you and smile
Because you were a good person
You were someone to be missed
I’m just sorry
That I don’t really have memories to look back at
But I will always look back at you and smile
Because I did know you
We were family
My cousin
And the only memories I need is your face
Your smile
And I will always remember that
And you are missed
You were loved
YOU ARE LOVED
* RIP to my cousin that passed away 2 years ago. We miss you*


Details | Free verse | |

Dreams of Yellow Ashes

Dreams once hidden, now appeared,
dreams of an abandoned city,
distortions that mangled me
are my insolvable presentiments,
perhaps, they are just greetings
from hyenas in the night.

Oh, why I get them unbidden? 

It's streets glided into each other
like lifeless labyrinths,
exhausting continuation or
logic of a lost place?

It's houses only waited
as numb, deaf witnesses, 
while the sky was abundant of yellowish grey.
In the reality of anguish and trepidation,
yellow ashes were densely concentrated,
ghostly flux or enigma?

In the distance,
I heard tramps of a horse,
or is it another deception?
He is quiet,I am quiet,
 sound of lie or life!

I am now his only comrade,
for we wandered through yellow ashes alone,
for we understood our prehistoric calls,
in this microcosm we are only brothers!

 Odd set of eyes stared at me,
the most soulful eyes,I ever saw.
What are you trying to tell me,
when everything is already said?

Yellow fog frightened me,
bringing smell of Thanatos,
awaken conscience of executors in this Golgotha?

Executors and victims dance in yellow ashes
while conscience of the humankind
 is withheld on the Balkan soil.


Details | Free verse | |

A Soulful Moan

Take me back
My soul's time has come
Take me back
Youth I long
My old soul is close to death
Scared now-take me back







( This poem is written in a Shadoma format which isn't listed in the drop box choices)


Details | Free verse | |

Rave the Day

I went another damn day
Say what you say again now
Then go away
Sift through what’s left of us
Compile a short note for me
Find yourself the good one tonight
When I’m back you might know
Wound up in your cold again
Knowing when to breathe helps
Your language still contends
Body always wins with me in the know
Share your spitting thoughts in me
Parade my sickness like it’s your own
The carnage always looks grim
Colors are always stagnant here
Brilliant way to win, losing
Sadness will always shine for me
Who? What did he even mean
Too kind some would say
Differ the rest, go easy on this
Sit down for the end please
I’ve found the only good I’ll ever have
I went another damn day.


Details | Free verse | |

Restaurant Workers

Oh, you wonderful restaurant workers,
I guess you're glad it's over
Mother's Day the biggest day
The demands at work,
I know you well deserve your pay

Idiot customers,
Insolent, abusive
Think that you're
worth naught
Little realizing
the potential revenge
They may have just bought

Like adulterated food
To repay your stupid mouth,
If you knew what they did,
Your brain would "go south"...

These are people too
So watch out what you do
Because before you know it,
The joke will be on you!


Details | Free verse | |

Summer Steam

Thinking back now my dreams are eerily reminiscent
Of every mistake I made in my decent.
Of every joke and priceless muse,
Every smile that she gave me, as her mind I perused.		

I hate summer, it never gave me hope or want,
‘Till she came in, giving me memories that still haunt.
The sight was so familiar, an air of innate grace,
The mix of unrefined Circean beauty, painted so perfectly on her face.

Oh, Wanton lust, adoration unbound,
Betraying my every move, I could never gain ground.
It happened, we happened, the unceasing desire was filled,
But with a single mistaken word of betrayal, my fate was sealed.

Still I wish for it, to take back that un-kept promise,
To return to her, what she readily gave to me, a glimpse of solace.
What takes years of readiness, sometimes a lifetime to find,
I had for just one moment and then left it behind.

This reoccurring dream keeps telling me that I shall never find,
Not one moment of hearts peace, no more placation of mind.







Brokenness 
Contest Judged:  10/24/2012 12:00:00 AM 
~~2nd place~~


Details | Free verse | |

A Suicide Note

I have come here 
Just to inform you... 
I'm NOT sorry, 
For what I shall do. 
I have no guilt 
Nor shame, 
For leaving you 
To your life game. 
Life holds nothing... 
Nothing for me. 
No purpose. 
Only misery. 
I'm in debt. 
I'm in pain. 
I cry, knowing 
I'm not sane. 
Cause I see me dead. 
A gruesome scene. 
My knife in my throat. 
The bloodiest of dreams. 
Chris will find me. 
He'll call the police. 
But I'll be long gone, 
Still wishing for peace. 

No one gives a ****. 
No one will care, 
While at my corpse, 
They'll stare. 
Just another one. 
Another ****ed up kid. 
You're better off 
With what I did. 
I went quiet. 
I went alone. 
I went to find 
A new home. 
I'm with the others. 
Those like me. 
Helpless, lost, dead... 
Gathered alone in our misery. 

I know. 
I'm going to hell. 
But it's probably 
Just as well. 
Mum. Dad. 
I love you. 
I just don't know 
What else I can do. 
I'm sick of hurting. 
I'm sick of crying. 
I'm sick of all the 
Pieces of me dieing. 

I'd feel empty 
If not for the rage. 
If not for all this hate 
Pushing me to this stage. 

Ollie... 
**** you. 
You took away 
All I knew. 

Kyle... 
**** you... 
You drove me 
To this too. 

All of you. 
You could see. 
You all knew what 
Was happening to me. 
You watched me. 
Losing my mind. 
So all you ****s... 
Leave your jokes behind. 
You're all responsible. 
You could have stopped this. 
But you never cared. 
You all wanted this. 

The time has come. 
This is what I need to do. 
I just needed to leave 
Something for all of you. 
I hope you enjoy this. 
I wrote it just for you. 
This is it. 
My final **** YOU


Details | Free verse | |

Her Final Words

"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one. 
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Her sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed. 
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent. 
A meager thought 
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
Her curse.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows, 
"Save them."


Details | Free verse | |

The Hardest Thing

Last night we had a quarrel
We went to bed so mad
Each had to get up early
The morning was quite sad
I never meant to say that
I know you didn’t, too
With hopes to reconcile
Just know that I love you

Yeah darling…
It couldn’t be more true

That’s why 
Leaving you
Is the hardest thing to do

Each morning when we go to work
A piece of me, it goes with you
I cannot wait to get back home
To do those things we do

That’s why 
Leaving you
Is the hardest thing to do

I hope tonight we’re civil
We listen and we learn
Together, we’ll get past this
Each others trust, we’ll earn
So, then we can retire
To the bedroom that we share
Lie within each others arms
And show how much we care

Yeah darling…
It couldn’t be more true

That’s why 
Leaving you
Is the hardest thing to do

Each morning when we go to work
A piece of me, it goes with you
I cannot wait to get back home
To do those things we do

That’s why 
Leaving you
Is the hardest thing to do

And when my work’s over
I will come back to you


Details | Free verse | |

An Apology.

I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.
I don’t mean to exploit you.
I just can’t hold this inside.
You have your outlets, 
well this is mine.
Don’t worry,
I’ll never state your name, not directly anyways.
I’m just sharing my emotions with others.
If you don’t like it, then don’t be the cause of them.
Please don’t think I take pleasure in writing these words.
To write them only opens wounds once closed.
It hurts as much to read them,
as to write them,
as to feel them,
    all again.
There’s no joy here, only memories. 
I’m just a child who hopes to heal his heart.
            Please don’t be mad. 


Details | Free verse | |

My love for you

Do you ever feel like...
You have made the wrong choise?
You...are hurting someone...that...you love...
I feel like that everyday...when I see them...
I had him all to myself...and...I took him for granted...
And now all he does is let her hurt him...over...and over...
I would never do that...again...I already went through it once...
But she does it over again everyday...I dont see how...
How she could do that and still breathe...
I love him so much it hurts...hurts to breathe sometimes...
I feel like Im...broken...in half...
The one half says, "forget him..."
The other one says, "steal him away..."
I try to listen to the one who says forget him...
But I usually hear the one that wants me to steal him...
Cuz he is the one I am supposed to be with...
I might be 14...but I know...
I know that I'm in love with him...
That he loves me
That we are supposed to be together...
I also know...I will die before she hurts him again...
Even if I die trying to stop it...
Let's just hope that it doesn't come down to that...


Details | Free verse | |

The Gift

My life will never be the same again

I tried to hide my feelings
Even to the point of denying they existed

Why did I chose to cover up 
the most precious gift 
one human being can give another

NO MORE

I will love you now and until the day I die

I will never hide the gift you have given me
Never again

What was I thinking

How could I bury such a priceless treasure

A treasure needs to be treated with respect and tenderness

I cast it aside

I was hurt, angry

Choosing to believe the lies

But, now, I know the truth

I found the gift you gave me

I dug it up, cleaned it off, polished it

Even though it looks like new
There are scratches that will always remain 
as a reminder to never neglect the precious gift

I'm sorry that I hurt you and sorry that I nearly destroyed the beautiful gift

Never can it be buried again

It must be handled gently

Held close to my heart, caressed

Treasured forever

Your love is priceless

A gift I almost threw away

Thank you for giving me the most precious gift in the world


Details | Free verse | |

Done For Good

Her look that day,
Should have told me everything she could not say.
Unprepared, I stared.
She walked away.
As she tossed our ring,
I felt the sting.

If I’d known then
How I feel today,
I'd heal the abscess and my heart’s decay,
Before her affection left me there that day.

JS Lambert


Details | Free verse | |

The Complaint


The Complaint 


Sir we have a complaint against you. It seems you stink you wear your shoes 
twice longer than most people do. Tell us in your own words how often do you 
change those socks. My left sock has been on for far too long my foot is sweaty 
it's so much shorter than the other one and rubs the shoe against the foot when 
all eye do is walk in them. Eye find a sock every now and then within the week if 
this eye can and most every day is now the best and then is when eye change 
them again. Who was the complainer who was it the dike who dissed me some 
eye bet it was she cannot stand the stink of unwashed socks. She must have 
saw the way she looked at me in the mirror of my eye she seemed so 
uncomplete eye cry when people look at me them ways. They fished in the wrong 
water hole much longer they came up empty and the eye is smelling like a water 
lily. Some men leave the clothes upon the back a bit too longish they turn black or 
faded yellow with the stains of sweat and salt it would embarrass them if you 
made a complaint. 
 
           
 
 
 The Complaint 
 


Details | Free verse | |

The lurid moon

The lurid moon-
Dim as an eye, 
squinting, and
waning unnoticed in 
the despair of darkness,
like souls that trudge
through the roadless
vast transit of Sheol.
Guideless wanderers 
lost: no spirit, essence,
nor aim. 


Details | Free verse | |

Reason To Live

Sliced and bleeding,
my heartr stay's open.
Cut by the hands of fate.
But no matter how deep,
it stays open to all.
From the richest bastard,
to the poorest hobo.
My heart hear's their story,
and the slice deepens.
For the comfort of the others, their happiness and joy.
I allow myself to bleed.
For with no joy in the world,
we have no reason to live.


Details | Free verse | |

you said goodbye

you said goodbye 
I said don't go 
you packed your stuff 
and walked out the door 
I ran to the window 
as tears stroked my cheeks 
I screamed to you 
as you walked down the street 
you didn't look back 
you broke my heart 
I loved you so much 
and you broke it apart 
I picked up the pieces 
it took months and months 
I told myself that 
it was all my fault 
but now that I'm happy 
you come knocking on my door 
you say that your sorry 
that you want to come back 
I said that I'm sorry 
I don't want you back 
you beg and you scream 
as tears stream down your cheeks 
I walk away and down the street 
I don't look back 
but I hear you crying 
how does it feel 
now do you know 
you broke my heart 
now I broke yours


Details | Free verse | |

Yours Forever

Last night when I went to bed
I thought about what I'd said
      I was wrong,
                 so...

{ I lay down an thought a letter }
                 ~*~
Your my one, my only one...
I want to go back as before,
I know it won't be long,
                 T'll
your sweet lips will caress
       mine once more...
                 ~*~
Oh my darlin' can't you see
I need your love, to eternity
         I'll be true, so...

               So to say...
                 ~*~      
           too say,

     "I love you dearly"
is better than just two words
                      yours...

            Yours forever


Details | Free verse | |

The Eternal Infernos of Pain

Front and Center!
Those Gates adorned with pearls in Heaven.
White angels soaring. 

If by chance, 
Ordered to enter;
Through St. Peter's Permission; 
I demand from you chancellor; 
A swift insanity plea, submission. 
For this troubled soul is plagued, 
By vast displays of wicked ways. 

None lost. 
Courtesy of meticulous examination. 
Love lost. 

Diligence pending Investigation. 
Key Evidence, perpetually documented 
In Sin's ominous catalog. 
Rebuke my Judge! 
For multitudes of shortcomings, 
He failed to ascertain. 

Moreover, present was He, 
When Satan drafted me. 
First round,
Pick three.
His Fantasy League...
"The Eternal Infernos of Pain" 

JS Lambert



Details | Free verse | |

Incomplete

Through roaming hills, and blistering winds
my spirit lay somewhere between.
Oh someone point him out to me, 
I desire to hear my soul sing

For at first he left, I did not notice
my emotions to mangled in muck
but I feel my heart fall short
and my body just want to give up

I call to him through the wind in the night
but no reply is heard in the breeze.
I shout his name from dawn to dusk
But only a echo replies in the trees

Forgive me! I cry, I desire you now
that my heart is darken and numb.
For I gladly give up this emotionless feast
to live my life wondering the streets
forsaking the world and all of its treats
to live with my spirit as a bum


Details | Free verse | |

Sometimes

  Sometimes when I close my eyes I can almost hear your voice.

  It whispers so soft that I don't know if it's real but I know your watching me. 

  Sometimes I can feel your eyes they are watching me from all sides and I can't 
  help but feel safe.        

  It doesn't matter if your not around I still know what I believe.
 
  They can tell me all they want that your up in heaven but I know you've never left me.
 
  Sometimes I look at your pictures in a photo album and I smile I see the brown
  the brown eyes I have myself. 

  I wish a million fish that you could be back again, but it's the real world 
  and I know things don't work that way I wish sometimes it could.

 It didn't hit me that you were gone until I saw you lying in that coffin.

 The tears couldn't stop falling and my eyes kept burning they tried to comfort me.

 They didn't understand that I needed this pain, they didn't understand that I can't 
ignore this feeling. 

Sometimes I can't sleep, my whole body feels weak... I wonder what I am here for and 
then you remind me. 

It's always been my dream to conquer the world it's seems you 
were always there when I fell.

 Putting your hands up so I could use them as a punching bag you wanted me to grow up 
strong. 

I'm still learning that I should never be afraid we all die, we all feel pain sometimes 
and that's a lesson ill never forget.

 It's making me tear up right now I haven't thought about this in a while but 
I know I should.

 Sometimes it's hard but I look up and I smile at the blue skies, at 
our happiness and I know your the reason... you will always be the reason you will 
always be apart of us.

 Sometimes I close my eyes and I can almost hear you saying 
baby don't give up i'm watching you till the end.


Details | Free verse | |

"WHEN POSITIVE IS NEGATIVE"

An outcast
fit only for the lepers' colony
A burden
big beyond bear
A huge bear
too ugly to hug
An unwanted stranger
to family, friends and foes
A perfect tool 
for Government's propaganda
A clean cover
for Health Ministry's graft
A sure means
for Activists' foreign AIDS and funds
A goldmine
for multinational pharmaceutical giants
An alien
in the place of her birth
Technically, they also call me
HIV/AIDS positive person
For nicety, I am also known as
"PLWHA"
Why then do you wonder
That we're wheeled into morgue slabs
Time before our fixed time.


Details | Free verse | |

A Sad Time

Its a sad time for me.
Covered from head to toe in insecurities.
All I do is try and cover for my mistakes.
My misjudgments.
My displacement...
But what about those times of joy?
Gone within a blink of an eye.
It seems that my world would be one of pity.
but no its not pity more like a self hatred that runs deep.
It covers my heart with hard lace and frosted glass.
Covering me in something for show.
I used to glow.
Like a bright light.
That was also just for show. 
A lie filled to the brink.
dishonest and out of synch.
Thats my story for now.
Im just a show and a sad story.
A sad time.


Details | Free verse | |

The Spark

It was overwhelming, it was lovely
It was my definition of forever, it was empowering
I spread it into the sea
Into space, time, and everything in between or beyond
I spread it into their souls
I spread it throughout the forgotten dimensions

Betrayal, a curve ball
Unexpectedly knocking me from this universe
I floated, away from everything i had seen
I was spread, beyond the city
I was spread, further from the seas

Closer to the bottom
The light became dim
The light became an illusion
The truth had been unfolded beneath
Like a trench, eager to sub duct innocence of loyalty
For I had traveled so far...

The spark, what is now a burden
What now burns
For once, it lit the way
It guided the way that the mind created
The illusion we were eager to find

Now all that is left
And of course,
Only the foolish search for the spark


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye you

I'm sorry and all
Good-bye I guess
Goodluck out there
I'm making progress 
and you should be too
We had times of joy
and times of sad
but, I guess it
just went off
i'm sorry and all

But, when I said what I said 
I was being honest about it
I knew I wasn't... but I wish
maybe we could have been 
at least good friends, but.
Whatever I guess- sorry


Writer's note--
to all the post-lovers going through bad times


Details | Free verse | |

One Loving Kiss

Searching the internet, looking for your name,
If I could just replay our last five minutes 
I’d tell you I was scared but I did love you.
In-spite of all my faults, I know you loved me.

You’d fly across the ocean to visit me and 
patiently wait to spend time together,
Our trans-Atlantic romance was exciting 
but was it enough to make a life together.

You asked me to marry you and fly away
to Germany where you’d make me a home.
Afraid to hurt you, I’m sorry I never told you 
I had unexpectedly met my true soul mate.

I drove you to the airport, with one loving kiss
You left thinking there may be a chance for us.
I never replied, sorry -  the kiss was goodbye.




Written October 1, 2012
For Michael J. Falotico’s contest
“Where’s the Blame”


Details | Free verse | |

WISH

I wish I had died instead of her
I wish I was the one who got sick an suffered
I wish that I could turn back the hands of time
I will no longer wish for you to be mine
I wish she is alive right now
To love you back and make new vows
I wish my wish could make any difference
While I wipe my eyes from tears seeing that you're grieving
I wish that I could comfort you
Coz you've already cried so much for a love that is true
I wish I could take her place while she was dying
So you could both live a happy life.....


and fulfill the dreams YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN WISHING.


Details | Free verse | |

For a friend in pain

you're a silent person inside, that i know..
so a single insult or pain would pose a great blow..
When in pain close your eyes and drift..
think of of happiness and joy, that would give you a lift..

Anger and grieve, please don't let it rust..
In your heart don't let it last..

know that jokes come and go..
sometimes jokes go far beyond "tolerable"
so when hit in the heart so hard,
stay with your guard..
Maybe tomorrow's a better joke..
maybe tomorrow's your day..

Because every "tomorrow", we change, we grow, we love more and joke more..

Sorry for today..

We had to see those sad, sad, eyes..


Details | Free verse | |

Untitled II

I interpret what I see
hoping that it's on target
response
you hope it's what is accepted
or is it?
I read you and then you disappear
no answer
oh dear...did I cross the line?
quickly I try to amend my words with more words
have to be heard...when reading was the culprit
or was it?
oh the written word...(sigh)
IMs become obselete since there's no one 
to answer to...
so I write to plead my case
hoping to propitiate the soul
that may have been hurt.
But then again...
did I misinterpret the no answer?
Hmmm...


Details | Free verse | |

For my Beloved Sister

I fled his tyranny
Not thinking
Not considering
That you will be next

Escape,
The only thing 
I thought of.

From the pain
The humiliation
The bruises
The hurt
The suffering

Never look back
Never think of it
Never consider the consequences
Of being free

Your beautiful cheek
stained with the tears
of my actions.
A young life shattered
by my desperation

I am sorry
I should have thought
That you would be next

In your innocence
In your beauty
You were perfect
For his perversion

You are the porcelain doll 
I dropped on the ground
Shattered into a million pieces

I may have escaped
But the guilt
Will never leave
Will never go away

It will gnaw rodent like
at the fine interior of my soul
at the casing of my heart
Till I can take it no more

I am sorry sister
For not realizing 
That in my escape
I have brought doom
Unto you


Details | Free verse | |

Please Forgive Me (Spanish Lira)

One can have many a friend
Some will just speak without their following through
When, they should stay to the end
Some feel bad for what they do
I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you

SPANISH LIRA IS A SPANISH FORM OF POETRY :WRITTEN IN 7/11/7/7/11 
SYLLABLES,WITH THE RHYME SCHEME-ab,ab,b.


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide Note

This is the reason....
 Dear mom,
We never got along..
And you know that...
We constantly argue and disagree..
You make me feel like im a disappointment..
You made me feel as if i was never good enough.. 
You never made it seemed it like you actually cared..
 Dear Dad,
I know who you wanted me to be..
we used to not get along..
But now we do..
most of the time..
I know this is not who you want me to be..
I know this is not what you wanted me to do..
But i got no where to go..
You never seem to help..
 Dear the rest of the family
I know you are there for me..
But your reactions to what i do...
I just dont think i could deal..
I dont think you could help...
And i know you wouldnt understand..
 Dear Friends,
If i even dare call you that..
If you will care or not...
Even if you will notice...
I know some of you say your here for me..
But you dont understand..
I tried to tell one of you..
You just starred and wanted to tell everyone..
I am a human..
Im no different..
Im not some monster..
So i may be an outcast..
But does that really matter...
If only you could of helped me..
If only you didnt call me the names...
 Dear everyone,
Im sorry..
Im sorry for being a disappointment..
Im sorry for letting you down..
So that is why i have decided to leave..
So everyone will be happy..
Have a great life everyone..


Details | Free verse | |

peace sun

I woke up this morning and said a prayer for you,
the sun shines through my blinds and it's a shame i can't be there with you
your heart beat creates earthquakes,
your tears bring the rain,
and for the second time it has flooded here again
I'm sorry if i disappointed you,
I'm sorry if i ever lied,
because what i'd do to go back would mean
i could reverse the time that you died.
sick to my stomach i can't bear the thought,
but when the sun shone through this morning
it brought a peaceful thought back to my heart
through out each day i kneel down and pray
and know you're living in the sky
I try making wishes from stars flying by
but the sight must be quicker then the blink of my eye
i'll never know why,
til it's my time to go,
I look around this city realizing all friends are faded foes
I can't hold on, i hold it within,
it is my faith in peace that keeps me from disintegrating within.


Details | Free verse | |

Tears of My Heart

if poop could be named anything what would you name it?  id name it bob and id make him sit on a log in a bog and say get out of here you hog that looks like fog from a bog thats near a log with bob sitting on it who attacked the wacking wackers with all his heart and shattered, he fell to the floor.  dont name your poop bob because then youll have tears in your heart.


Details | Free verse | |

Why?

My body.
Fragile, soft, and pathetic
No mass lies on these bones
Conditions worsen as days pass
Pushing myself harder
Crashing back down from laziness..
Why?

My Education.
Possible, easy, yet failed
No assignment seems worthy tonight
Percentages drop as paper weight multiplies
Trying to make time for completion
Forgetting to focus by choice..
Why?

My Love.
Needed, ready, but confused
No girl appears ideal to blind eyes
Relationships die as care turns to lust
Discovering what I really want
Crushing every great opportunity..
Why?

My Music.
Loved, practiced, and frozen
No songs nourished enough to exist
Strumming continuously with no result
Playing and listening with so much care
Creating no worthy product in the end..
Why?

My Mind.
Open, understanding, but inexperienced
No useful knowledge recorded often
A beautiful possibility gone to waste
Imagining and believing with good intentions
Shot down and killed by the majority and self..
Why?

My Future.
Foreseen, exciting, yet hopeless
No motivation lifting me from my chair
There's no reason for my excuses
Burning desires scream for my success
Extinguished by self-pity and realization..
Why?

My Problem.
Wishing I could say from where it generated
Mistakes are increasing in number and intensifying
Denying outside hands while knowing mine are dependent
All I believe I need is a guiding hand..
Or maybe I'm just a mental malfunction..

Why do I feel this way?
Why does everyone love me?
What is wrong with me?
Is there something I'm not doing right?
Can I not escape this insanity I've created?
How can I escape this cloud of disgust?

I just want to know..

.. Why?


Details | Free verse | |

White Privilege

Lily white
Petals have been bitten and broken
Where is the root?
And with your story
God is teaching me to love
 I’m prostrate on cold ground
begging on the behalf of your salvation
Your sanity

And you’ve lived the life of blackness
And we forget of the privilege you’ve been afforded
I’m taking all the words I’ve ever known
To play God and save you
I want to save you

Let me teach you how to dance then
Forget the men who leave beds cold
And safe dark places barren
I still believe we can live
And these are the stories we tell
To save the weaker vessels
And so drink to your life, breath, and chance
Lily white, when it comes embrace it
Find the texture with the lines of your fingers
Softness of your cheeks, and pucker of your lips

My God, how can I say this?
In what language, pretext, context do I form all the answers?
And then maybe you’ll smile and mean it
Cry and feel it
If no man has loved you
I have
If you have no God
I do
If you don’t know how to say it
I can
If you can’t find rest
I’ve slept



Details | Free verse | |

I Imagine Demons

Part I:
im sorry that i cant care about you. valiums taste like smarties. i chew up one, then three. cry for help. im sorry i dont give a **** anymore. i have to snort a k-pin to sort myself out. and now im chewing mint leaves in my sinuses. ive got no candles to burn in your absence. ive got nothing to give or show. i stole your twenty dollar bill. i didnt even need it. i just need someone to love me. head is hurting. when i stand up, i fall against walls and corners. ive got bruises i cant explain. i break toes and i dont remember. and i sit here licking tabletops, just waiting for someone to care. and the demons talk.
Part II:
it crawls up out of my dream and suckles onto my neck. i carry it with me as i work, as i shop, as i laugh and cry and talk. its laudnum in absentia. i need it now. now. now. i want the cherry-blossom arms you own. i want to get this monkey off my back. it slithers up from daydreams when i imagine some life far away. ive got a sunny kitchen again, ive got a houseful of people again, and food on the table. and a shift from the corner and the food on the table is rotting and the people are falling apart skeletons and the kitchen is a coffin.
Part III:
im afraid of sleep now. ive got too much to do. decisions to be made. skin scarred, skin freshly cut. face dry, face full of tears. pictures in an album. pictures burning in a sink. pillows remind me of a lovers chest (no more never again) a mothers breast (no more never again) a babys bed (no more never again)
Part IV:
it slithers up with scaly skin and rubber fingers and it stretches the walls, of the skin of the room of my mind. demon speaks my name and i go home . demon speaks my name and i bend to offer flesh.


Details | Free verse | |

I hate my blood which is cold and blue

One day my ancestors were reading something
It is of our heritage they say as they always say
In their special conceited way
“We are blue blood”.
Oh I loathe my blood, the smell of that blood makes me mad at myself.

With disgust I feel that blue blood running through my vain.
Had I the blood of a farmer, a prostitute I would have boast!
Had I the blood of the oppressed, the humble blood I would have been proud.
Had I the blood of a tenant rather than land lord Oh I would call you my God “my 
God”
But I am ashamed to call your holy name as the blood of the bloodiest running in 
me.

Had I the bloods of minorities of any country rather than the proud majority 
I would love to be someone whose parents come from different religion and from 
different cast. So I would become the most oppressed and my blood would 
become more red and pure than the dirty blood of blue color.
And if I could not change my blood with that of hermaphrodite, prostitute, raped 
woman, homeless, minorities in the country, all the people who are oppressed
I would rather like u to shed my blood which stink with its cruel history 
That no one ever shed tear because of the arrogance of nature.
For ancestor’s crime, successor should make penance


Details | Free verse | |

Straight From The Heart

That burning passion within
The unexplainable feelings you sense when they walk towards you
The loss of breath and the strangulation you feel gripping around your throat
Choking off every last bit of air you have left to your name
You feel like collapsing to your knees and crying
Wishing you had them back in your arms and running your fingures through their soft hair
You wish you could go back in time to re-live those treasuring moments of bitter sweetness
You can hear their voice echoing inside your head at night when your trying to relax
Your dreamless nights filled with tears and pain
You outstretch your hand beckoning, begging for them to come back
Memories sharp as daggers, peircing your flesh
As they look away from you eachtime
The warmth they gave you before is now gone
You feel like your body has become a corpse to rot forever
When you see then with another
You feel so betrayed and furious
Wanting them back more then anything
You would give up everything you had left just to let them know you cared and still hurt
You want so badly for them to just take the loneliness away
Nothing else can be done
Nothing else will work
Your lost
Your alone
Your scared
You cry for help but no one listens
You feel like dying
Even though they know that deep in your heart they still have that special mark
But they'll never know what they meant to you so you write these words Straight from the 
Heart.


Details | Free verse | |

Snow

There has been a dark shadow
In my world of light
It has engulfed and consumed all of me
In my time it has left me cold and bitter
And blinded my sight from the light
 
Now that I look back on the path that I made
And the all consuming shadow that I made
I notice it has faded into the past
This path I had made
 
In my shadow I was alone
Not understanding I was the foe
Until you started to walk in the snow
I felt every flake flow with a glow
 
Now I look back on my world
All I see are flakes of snow
Flowing from the heavens with love
Showing me things from above
 
Thank you for being my snow


Details | Free verse | |

FROM THE ROOM

 	
TO DON CARLSON - MY ROOM DWELLING FRIEND- IN MEMORIUM

So    it's to say as much as    everyone
                                                        eventually
    finds a room to live in
        (my friend    perhaps    sooner than others)
When he walked out    though
                                          out on the town
                                          with generous courage
    confused        a willing joy
When he met our eyes
                                out on the town
    with his runaway own
                                   waiting to share room
I was sorry then
                      sorry now
Not remorseful then
                      not now
    but    hoping    hoping he had a friend in his room
So    gone running    to meet a friend
         (a great throng of friends    to my mind)
    who waited just outside


Dave Austin


Details | Free verse | |

Homesick

There's this girl that I know who misses her home
The place filled with laughter, her joy, and her hope.
This girl, she is sad, and I've seen her heart break.
She just doesn't belong here, and she doesn't want to stay.

When she's at the beach she just sits and she stares
Across the water to who knows where.
The ocean is the one place she has found on this Earth
That fills her with any kind of peace and hope.
Though still she is sad, she's not where she belongs,
But at least at the ocean the fierce homesickness calms.

She'll walk down the beach and look out at the water,
Totally uncaring of those who might watch her.
She knows she's not normal, that she isn't like them.
But she knows that they cold never understand.

This girl that I speak of, how I know her well. Yet at the same time I hardly know her at all.
It seems to me as I walk down that beach that
I'm never gonna know of who I truly speak.
Because as long as I'm here, so far from my home, my heart, my pain there, my hope,
I am only half here. 
I am only half home.
And all that I want....I just want to go home.


Details | Free verse | |

A Shrug and a Chug

Told my friend my trouble,
Not a word did he say,
Merely a shrug,
And on his beer a chug...

Why did I bother?
No one seems to care,
My baby's left me...
And I have no clue,
As to where...

A hole torn in my heart
And I don't know why,
Was this a love,
Doomed from the start?

Enjoy your beer,
My worthless friend
And after time grants me
A chance to mend...

You will no longer be
A friend of mine,
For like my girl
You do define

The meaning of indifference,
Casual, stylish hurt
And if, in the future,
My words grow curt

Go chug a beer,
And shrug it off,
And if you sneeze,
Or if you cough,

My concern is gone,
Dissipated by insincere
responses,
To my concerns,
So if you feel you need
a friend,
Remember, on me,
You can no longer depend.


Details | Free verse | |

IM SO SORRY

im sorry i never told you that i was a intimidated by you

the way you talked and walked and acted so strong

when i ran away you were left alone to deal with the ramifications of my life

you were just a little girl and i abanded you

we were best of friends as well as sisters but i left you all alone

you found out you had cancer and it tore you apart

a 13 year old young girl forced to face the world alone

im sorry i was a coward and lied to you about my life

the things i did were embarressing and i was out of my mind

i couldn't hold your hand or wipe away your tears

i wasn't there to comfort you or tell you it's all right

i never lied about loving you that was always true

inside  my head i was dead and didn't want to destroy you

your best friend died and you were a wreck

again i wasn't there but never did a day go by that i didn't care

you had two children through the years and this aunt wasnt's around

they grew up not knowing that your sister loved them so

you struggle with pain on an everyday basis and im three thousand miles away

i ruined our relationship once again when i told you i was gay

the drugs destroyed my inner being to the point of no return

i did the worst and hurt the best but never no more than i betrayed you

im so sorry little sister that words are not enough 

id trade my life today to take all my ugliness away

behind these eyes lies a remorseful soul longing to love you and make this whole

i try to reach out and talk to you but you never answer my call

i guess this is all my fault for hurting you long ago

in time thats your time ill be waiting here to see your face and hear your voice

saying that you still care

i love you sister!!!  

(FOR THE CHRISTIE AND SHARON "I'M SORRY"CONTEST)                


Details | Free verse | |

Gay

I am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.

I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your sister
Your friend
Your co worker
Your classmate
Your acquaintance
A complete stranger

I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you

I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is

I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew

I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you

I am gay.
And I wont change. 
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.

I am gay. 

And that's okay.


Details | Free verse | |

It Breaks My Heart

It breaks my heart because what is happening
To some of the children in the world today
They aren't being cared for and are abused
As parents you should take care of the gift God gave you!!!


These days I know as parents that you must be afraid
To turn your children loose in this world
Because there's so much crime and violence that happens
And you never know if they will return safe or not.


It breaks my heart to know what
Guns are doing to the families and children of the world
They are destroying the earth as we once knew it
It's time for us to take a stand and take the guns out of their hands.


It breaks my heart to see how
Guns seem to be taking over our schools and homes
I'm sure if you were to ask the survivors of a school shooting
They would say that they never thought that it would of happened.




Details | Free verse | |

Razor Blade State of Mind

I'm in a razor blade state of mind,
A place of darkness that's hard to find.

I sleep tangled in a blanket of pain,
On a mattress full of mayhem.
The darkness surrounds me
And there's nothing I can do. 
My past has become the lightning rod,
The only means by which my future
Can seem to conduct itself.
But who do I think I'm fooling;
What's an orchestra without a conductor? 

I once sang out loud,
But now I'm drowned.
The body electric left
Somewhere in a field,
Where it ceases to breathe.
We have no hope here,
We have no hope left. 

My mind is like my verse;
Jumbled and pointlessly poignant,
Hopelessly optimistic.
Scarred and scared and sacred,
It means so much nothing
That it's bound to mean something.

I am everything I despise,
Nothing that I admire;
I am sweat and I transpire,
Not so wet like fire. 
I'm in a razor blade state of mind,
I tell the truth but I'm a liar.


Details | Free verse | |

Too Close Am I

I shattered my own heart,
Wrecking balls, tumbling decisions,
It fell upon me too late,
Forever and now I will lose what I held so dear,

But I held it out at arms length,
I let it fall, the uncurling my fingers,
Sinking into an emotional seat that engulfs me,
I so desperately buried the threat,

Happy once, I have not forgotten,
The taste of joy upon my lips still,
How could one ever forget the ecstasy that is happiness,
For we all seek it within the nil,

Berserk and rampant in my head,
A beast set loose upon my mental state,
So silent am I, my comfort so walks away,
So silent I can hear the screams echo within the blank,

Damp and dark are my thoughts of late,
Cramped tight inside, no prison break,
Hoping to find my way,
Before fear swallows me in regret,
And I become lost in my own wake.


Details | Free verse | |

Kamikaze

A true advantage Is to be angry with your head And not your heart. This is how good men win wars, And smart women win arguments. And this is the story Of how I finally learned the difference. Darkness lit by bright green bulbs Reveals a thousand mouths, Taped and caged. And while bound, I still walk free And so decide to tempt my torture, Procured by bright green tape. I slip the cat my tongue to eat Though uneasy, I smile. Yes, I rebelled. I plotted and protested all on my own, Stood strong as stone As the jokers, they taunted And the mud at me flew. Punish me for it if you must. Hang me from the gallows at high noon, Make me walk the plank. Make me stand on the scaffold like Hester Prynne, With the letter T for treason sewn To my breast. A dunce cap does not make one a fool, And shaming me will not make me ashamed. But I was wrong, I was wrong. I had it out for the jailers, Who weren't jailers after all. Just tell them all I'm sorry, Tell those wide-eyed kids I'm sorry. Tell those taped mouths and Their skeletons Me poenitet To the bridge I said, "Don't kill me" As I struck and threw the match Now if he would please Excuse me As I step off his back And would someone remind me that What I did, I thought was best The worst flames, it is said, Are the ones that you begin I let apologies cast down like rain, White blossoms as white flags To cool the singed portions Of the bridge. Inhale the smoke like I deserve Then clear my lungs And journey on.


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye

Comforting words
Smooth, quiet tones
Reassurance 
complete confidence 

Long nights spent reasoning
In total understanding
Twin thoughts 
twin minds
twin miseries
and twin fates

Now it’s so quiet
Too quiet
Complete and utter silence....
Oh my God, 
What happened to the good old days
When we both made sense?!

Lost in blurry dreams of childhood
Colorful, wonderful, windy days
Subconscious cradled memories 
of the times when we 
were eachother’s only friends

Only you, 
	the sky
		the earth
			and me...


				No betrayal

			No lies
		No fire

	No hate

No regrets.

I think I can understand 
why you won’t face me
But your sudden silence
is so confusing

Did you ever know me well enough
to know my affection for ultimate honesty?
If you wanted me to go away
why didn’t you just say something? 

Only this emptiness is left
Inconsolable grief...
For what never again can be 

No warning
No parting words
No ceremony

You went and had the funeral 
for our friendship
but did not invite me

From the start
I thought these ways would always be
But in the end,
All I wanted, my friend 
was to say 
goodbye.

I can’t trust anyone
anymore
anyway

All alone again
shame on me


Details | Free verse | |

Protect Me As I Sleep

Nobody 
Knows my real name
‘Angel’ 
Is what I go by
I am freezing cold
I don’t have money
Just, the clothes on my back
I am a walking wardrobe
I am lonely
I smell like crap
I am starving hungry
I can’t find any shelter
My clothes are drenched
I look like a drowned rat!
Violence
Upon women
Is classed normal
Around here!
I wonder...
If
I will survive
Another day?
Only
To wake up
And
Do this
All over, again!
“Protect me tonight
As,I lay my head to rest”
“I love you, dear God”

“Goodnight”


Details | Free verse | |

Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite and look what I just did:
I fell into my darkest pit; now, again, and again.
I thought that I was strong enough to live the truths I said;
Now I realized I'm much too weak; a fool too ashamed to raise his head.
God, please save me, please forgive me, and please give me strength. 
I love You.
I thank You.
I am forever changed.


Details | Free verse | |

Pink Lemonade

Little acts of kindness
why do i hesitate?
do a little good
i run away
why am i afraid?
not acting in the moment
dreaming saving lives
hiding from helping those who deserve
i am better than that
no use of good thoughts
i am not a use to humanity
 i asked the little  boy if hes lost
didn't bother asking again when he said im not
i agreed to help the man choose
got distracted in picking my own tools
didn't pick up the phone on the floor
not felt like running after the woman  who headed for the door
i cheated and sipped pink lemonade
when i paid for only water
i didn't respond to my drunk friend
when she needed a place to stay
tried all the clothes in the fitting room
didn't hang them for the busy sales girl
ordered a large meal,super size
and gave no tip
ignored the homeless girl 
i swear i saw her cry
i hurried and turned my head away
Didn't lend my sister that coat
i wanted to wear it out in the cold
left the faucet drip all night
too lazy to get out of bed
threw my half eaten sandwich in the trash
not enough mayo or cheese left
lied to the sales guy not having change
just wanted to break my 20 dollar bill
Hung up on my mom ,told her it got disconnected
pretended to be on the phone to get out of an awkward encounter
Didn't forgive anyone with all my heart
never responded when they  texted to apologize
i want to change, i am the reason
the world is what it is because of people like me.


Details | Free verse | |

I am leaving

I am leaving

I am leaving and I forget everything rolls
I am leaving and I forget everything dies
I am leaving and leave memories
I am leaving and leave the diamonds

I am leaving

I am leaving, my love life
I am leaving, my queen
I am leaving, my inspiration
I am leaving ya ivies

I am leaving

I am leaving my departure and was hand
I'll be back and I came back with my own hands


Details | Free verse | |

Your end

The truth I cannot swallow
The world full of empty hallow 
Mind spinning, I'm not winning
Confusioun fills the air
Dark thoughts hidden in a lair
Waiting to take hold, take control 
It's only a matter of time, before it fulfills it's role
I wait in anxiety, for I know I'll regret
This darkness, the world will never forget
You just have to let it go, let me grow
Noone else will even know
Promise me you won't let it happen again
I'm sorry for faking my grin 
And I'm sorry for taking yours


Details | Free verse | |

Tears of a Jem

Alone in the world
he makes his way
no one to show him
right from wrong.

Beaten and abused
he rises above
the ashes of the past
covered in bruises and blood.

Sobbing and heartbroke
he screams his pain
out to a god
his baby in hold

Wishing to change the past
praying for a new life
his little girl there remains
dead and cold

He vented his anger
and killed his little jewel
the gem of his eye

his pain 
now forever immortalized
in those diamond tears.


Details | Free verse | |

TO MICHAEL

Pain it wells inside of me 
Its lifts its ugly head.
His words they speak so deeply
And this is what he said

Oh Mum he says, it’s what you said
So very long ago
It hurt me then, it hurts me still
I just can’t let it go

The memory is so very dim
I can’t remember them
The words that I spoke long ago
That cut my son to threads.

I never could just understand
From whence his pain did come
His angry words, his smoldering hate
That I’ve felt from him so long

I’d like to say, if it’s enough
That I’m very sorry son
I loved you then, I love you now
Can’t take back what I’ve done

I never meant to hurt you,
If only I had known
I’d never have uttered a single word
I wish that you would know it.

I’M SORRY MICHAEL.


Details | Free verse | |

A Prayer For Healing

Father,
Do not let me be the demon I have created me to be.
I am the product of myself and my negativity.
I trust You.
I love You.
I thank You.
In Your name,
We pray,
Amen.


Details | Free verse | |

Hunting the zero man

A spoilt photo,a wasted life,
failure as a father,the experiment didn't come off.
So great was my abhorrence at the sight of humanity
that i decided to give her the go-by.
Ladies and gentlemen i introduce you,
the disintegration of my personality.
Brand me with a red-hot iron,iam the killer,
Lynch me ,who will struck the first blow?
Be stunned because iam the zero man.
Fully aware of the danger,iam the cracker man
so don't be soppy.
Sentimentalism is the reason of stupidity
and the end justifies the means.
Nothing ever put me out,no shiver all over my body.
Zero.
I will save my skin once again,believe it or not
and i will do this with fussiness,take it or leave it.

A clenched-fist salute to the dead child in front of my car.

I killed again giving birth to nothing.


Details | Free verse | |

Exposure

Do you judge?
I feel your penetrating eyes
disguised behind
your smile
So you approve...
do you...work your voodoo.
Let me believe
that no other thought 
entered your mind!
What's that? A quiver?
Shiver...my conscience
take flight...
dimensia sets in
I sink into my court
judge me please...
so that my jury would be silenced.


Details | Free verse | |

Destruction

There's some sense in this,
There's got to be.
Seeing so clearly, just choosing not to be
Aware, silence throws me off guard,

Nothing hurts more than anything.

They warned me about you. I blocked out the good advice and
Smiled at the lies, all the lies,
Your mind, your words, and then there's reality.
I welcome the comfort. However much sympathy,
Can't drown out the truth, screaming, tormenting,

It's my fault, my fault, my fault.

Oblivious to my own power, how can one person
So unintentionally bring about such
Destruction?

Piece by piece, actions, consequences,
I meant it, but I didn't mean it.
Still I burst out, crashed down on these victims and
Tore their lives apart.

Whilst all the while, my back was turned.

So many months of saying sorry, a thousand apologies
Make no difference. Drifting on, things get
A little worse, every day.

Lifetime of good intentions, morals,
Washed away. One wrong move and I'm done for,
Whispers I can't hear, looks I can't be imagining,
Reputation slashed. As if that's a priority.

You, all that is you, drained away, you
Broke me down, you stamped me out, until I sucked
The listless life from you. Cheap, childish,
Not deliberate.

There's nothing left to salvage, but I
Beg you not to leave. Your time to go is beckoning,
Or so you'll have me believe. And you warn me in
Blank soulless tones, when you die I shouldn't grieve.

Are you just a drama queen? Or am I just naive?


Details | Free verse | |

Memories Made

The coldest white had fell
Surrounding all the feet of those behind
The day turned into hours
Just in the mind
Did the gift appear in night?
Or were dreams reality?
Did it come from karma’s hands?
It drifts from sanity

The trek towards that happy place
You’ve been there many times
Something was different now
It held a horrible surprise
The box wasn’t full of life and sound
The ashes of memories made were here
Taking longer to twist the knife
Left remains of a child now in tears

Standing still you couldn’t breath
Excuses flying in your mind
Trying to figure out the scene
Hoping there’s time
You look up to see
Expectant eyes for the last time
You wish you could keep
But it’s the saddest of a smile 


Details | Free verse | |

Im Sorry- to whoever this applies to in my life, read this and please forgive me

I'm sorry for all the wrong i've done you,
I'm sorry I caused you pain.
I wish hadnt started this so we wouldnt be through
I wish i could rewind and stop myself that day.
Do you even understand,
I never wanted to hurt you?
I wish you never took my hand,
I wish I thought it through


Details | Free verse | |

SILENTLY WITHIN

A year gone,
Started very bright with hot passion
But now dim and cold in old fashion
Could have sworn on its eternity
But doubted your love
Its depth I never knew
Though I felt it
Never to toil with your heart
But I did, Sorry
Feigning affection to love
This refused to grow
My thoughts of kindness
Shadowed a lurking opportunist
Who said Love with no Love
But I did, so it is over
I can say it, but not in your face
I can write it, but cannot read to you
Silently it dwells within.

©Kofi Asokwa-Nkansah


Details | Free verse | |

Pressure Front

I've got a headache
I left you in bed, feeling I was upset with you
And left the house without a goodbye
The city's miserable when the weather's grey
I see it in the postures of people on the sidewalks
There's tension in every face, neck and shoulder
From withstanding barometric weight
There must be more fights on days like these
People snapping at each other over the nothings
I'm mean when the atmosphere leans into me
I try to remember I don't feel this way
And rationally tell myself not to be cruel,
But I cannot be reasoned with when a storm's overhead
And I make it seem like it's your fault
That you've pushed me to be like this
I stew in a forecast of doom and gloom until it passes
And when the clouds finally disperse, the heaviness will lift
Sunshine will bring guilt and remorse over what I've been

And I'll apologize for how I am and we'll be happy again
At least while the sky’s clear


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

A five letter word that has so much meaning
Have you ever thought about that small insignificant word?
Did you know that the word sorry was magical
Did you know that saying sorry removes the hurt and pain? 

Sorry, I made your whole world turn upside down
Sorry, I never took the time off to listen
Sorry, I didn’t understand

But I want you to know 
That this message was chosen particularly for you
Because I think you a remarkable person and a wonderful friend
Sorry, I wasn’t there for you.


Details | Free verse | |

The Stupid Thing I Did

All i could think about that day was,
Am i going to die?
I did something stupid,
I did something wrong,
I know i shouldn't of done it,
But i did it anyways.
I took 20 Tylenol PMs.
I had to sit.
I had to think.
I went to the neighbors.
I thought i was going to die.
They said to call 911,
But my mom said no,
Did you even care?
Did you want me to die?
I could have died.
And i almost did..
And all i could think about,
was,
Am i going to die?
Thats all i ever wanted right?
Was to die?
Yes.
But after you almost do die,
You change,
And realize how much you want to live.
I am on a mission.
That mission?
To find things to live for,
Then writing them down.
I have a past.
I have secrets.
I have things no one knows about.
But sometimes,
its too much for me to handle.
That day all i wanted to do was die,
But then i kept hoping i wouldn't.
I was ready to say goodbye.
I was ready to leave.
But then again,
I wanted to say hello,
I wanted to live. 
And i am sorry,
For anyone i scared,
Anyone i worried.
I wish to do it again,
And i probably will,
But not anytime soon,
Or i hope not...





Details | Free verse | |

Escaping Depression

Where is the light in this dark world?

I can't find it.

Is the trench I've dug really that deep?

So deep that I can't get out?

 

My hands are torn from climbing these walls

My wrists bloodied from stress

My eyes are red from the tears

Will I ever get to the top?

 

You are there

Waiting for me.

Your hand is stretched out,

Waiting for me to accept it.

 

But this hole is too deep;

My arms cannot reach.

If only I could -

I long for your touch.

 

I'll keep trying,

But only for you.

The darkness is my friend,

But I just can't do this anymore.

 

You hate the way I hurt myself,

The way I cut my wrist

To bleed out the pain

And unleash the tears.

 

So I'll keep going.

I hate to see you like this.

My ways are torturing you,

Adding to your stress.

 

I will reach for these ledges

And pull myself up.

I will keep climbing

Until your hand is in mine.

 

Then you'll pull me up

And hold me close -

Washing away all the dirt;

Chasing away the lingering darkness.

 

But I can never let it all go,

It's just not possible.

This darkness is the source of my pain,

But it is also who I am.

 

If I were to let it go,

I would no longer be me.

I'd be nobody -

A whole different person.

Not the one you know.

 

Then what would you think?

Would you still love me?

Or would you push me back into that hole

So that I can be myself again?

 

So I'll keep a little bit of darkness in a jar

And let it out when I need it most.

That way I can be myself

And yet be light once more.

 

So help me out of here.

I'm halfway up already.

I may still have a mile to go,

but I'm trying.

I really am.

 

I'll be with you soon,

so why are you climbing down?

I don't want you to feel my pain.

I don't want you to go through this.

 

Why did you let go?

Why did you fall?

Now you're farther down than me,

And I'm the one with my hand out.

 

But now you understand how I am.

Now you've felt my pain.

But please don't kill yourself,

Like I've tried to do.

 

The pain doesn't leave

It just gets worse.

You're stronger than me,

You can get out.

 

So climb,

You'll reach the top first.

I'll be there when I can.

We'll be together in light.

 

I love you,

So please go.

Leave me in the dark,

and return to the light

So you can help me out of here

And we can be together happily -

Not brought together by pain.

 

I'm sorry to have hurt you so.

I'm sorry you've fallen.

I will help,

But we have to do this together.


Details | Free verse | |

Forgive, please forget

I lie here looking at the ceiling,
Then I look to your word,
It didn't have much meaning, 
Trusting you is almost absurd
You left me broken promises
I know I'm better off
No more kisses
I need to write you off
I'm a creature of habit
I  know I'm not that tough
I have no heart to be compassionate
You stole it, left it in the rough
I'm Forgetting how your voice sounds
It truly makes me sad
yet still want you around
I still know what we had 
Why'd did you ever leave? 
Why couldn't we have been enough for you?
Now you wallow in sorrow and tell me how you grieve
love isn't for the weak I give the devil his due 
Now you suffer twisting, contorted pain
the worst mistake of your life
takes me back to lovers lane
You really messed up and I'm to alleviate you of your strife?
You think you deserve it?
….
…..
…...
…....
…..I do.


Details | Free verse | |

Visible Breath

Autumn comes I stand watching the leaves..thinking
The breath leaves my body unseen
But as the mercury drops and as I ponder my place.
I notice all I think all I feel.
Right there on the window before me.
To others it's just a mist caused by cooling or heating or both.
A chilhood whimsical game"oh boy look it's cold"
To me that mist is all, your name , your face, Our time.
I want to wipe it away this physical aberation of all unseen in my heart.
I see it all the pain the love the heartache everything in a small whitish cloud on a simple window.
My hand reaches pauses  oh so this is what you look like.
Oh if it was so easy to be done.
The mist fades rapidly with every lonely wasted breath. Making an apperance oh so briefly.
What ever course I take to wipe away or to gently touch the mist.
Would this breath on the window which taunts me so relay back to my damaged soul see its gone you'll be ok now or see how it welcomes your touch?
welcome to the world for all to see.
Hidden by the sun most of the time.
My fingers glide through the vanishing mist, I flash back to your cheek beneath my fingers.
Goodbye my love, goodbye my pain, goodbye to the only proof I have left of you.
But at peace I am.
I know now what I did not before.
Your not invisable your their in my breath.
Kissing the crisp Autumn air with me.
And all I have to do is breath.
And my visible breath will show me all I feel is real as real as the mist on the window


Details | Free verse | |

Reflections of Love

I need to heal and fast,
I can feel the time running out, all too soon.
But can't push myself out of the agony,
The threads of pain pull me back like a puppet.
 
I seem wrong to be grieving now, odd one!
Everybody else is no longer black,
Me, haven’t seen the sunlight for long;
The mansion, its corridors, the rooms  now my world.
 
The wound in my heart is still too fresh,
It forbids me from a sunset on the beach,
It forbids me from running or skipping,
It forbids me from laughter and joy...
 
In denial: they say but it's not all true, I accept
I know he is dead, He is no more
But do I dump him in my past and move on?
The thought makes me hate myself!
 
He would want you to smile again, live further..
Strangers tell me his likes and wants, the know-it-alls.
I look straight ahead and avoid their prying eyes
It’s a losing battle, I know but let me lose in grace...
 
Visitors keep pouring in, with flowers and tears.
He was a man loved by many, the crowd proves it,
Everybody seems shocked and pale but not as lost as me
I glide along the windows, reliving the shadow of memories...
 
The moments were many, uncountable even,
It crushes my soul to think, they are all I have,
I see his fingerprints on the window panes,
I search for mine too, just beside him they lay...
 
The garden is being watered, but by a strange hand
The plants understand the master is now below them, 
He will never enjoy their colors or drive away moths
His ashes and scent scattered around the mango tree..
 
I smile at the garden then burst out laughing,
Before I know, warm tears run down my nose
But there still lingers a smile, wet with glistening tears
I am happy he lived, he lived full and more...


Details | Free verse | |

Sun Bleats

That which would make me a cog in the machine , 
dragoon me into a lethal automaton
	be left in the walls of sleep.

As the sun bleats in fear of crowds &
the sparrows call w-/in a ring of fire.
	Let the world spin on thru space's 
quagmire sinking ships in the velvet ink 
	on the writer's hand. Or let the 
chase end w-/ hands holding crystal ducks &
 chunks of lung, held by the prism of 
	your stare.

	To dance swirling down the drain 
as another matter for the brain to tick 
as a clock tocks out seven days to review 
& recall all infected packets of nurofen.

	Prescribing Anti-psychotics for a mild case
of the flu while the fever dreams strike 
	drowning in clay & blank doll faces.

As my daughter will drink only the finest wine 
& my son will make all the other children cry 
w-/ the malice of his fingers.
	
	In the first flash of a passionate love
affair , feather light, beating as two hearts 
revolve round the moon lit stage. 


Details | Free verse | |

Beloved Friend I Have Fallen

An angel, cradles me, in her motherly arms
I have fallen, I am venerable 
I told myself, I would not do this, no more
I have failed to keep my promise, to you
I have not stayed true
Tears flowing, as I smile, just, for you!
Remembering the times, when you cupped my face, in your hands
Your blue eyes, gazing into mine
Telling me with sincerity
‘I am the sunshine, that lights up your world, each day that dawns’
My heart aches, it rains with love, having fond memories of us
Wash me clean, being human, is challenging me!
Emotional bondage, creating blocks
I need to move on, you are dead and buried
Your time here, over
My heart struggling, accepting this reality
“Forgive me”
I pray to be free!
“I Love you, my beloved, friend”


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

If I could only say,
in these words that trip and fall,
the sadness in my actions,
the shame my stumbling love
and that there are so many times
that my knowing can recall
where my fear that got the better
caused your drawing in, away.

For my part I'll take them back,
these loose, dividing words,
everything I have put on you
that wasn't yours to own
and If you ask that I go, or come,
I'll understand the question,
to leave you free to really be
without fear from my illusions

In this moment I see myself
a poor and wretched soul
and that you can show kindness still,
tho watchful and aware
is beyond my daring to ask such grace
but I hope you will provide
so that I can repay the full moon
and you can meet me there.


Details | Free verse | |

Step by Step

>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Step by step I walk away,
>Step by step I drift away,
>Step by step I fade away,
>Step by step I stay away.
>
>Tear by tear I cry and sleep,
>Tear by tear I'm losing sleep,
>Tear by tear in dreamless sleep,
>Tear by tear in eternal sleep.
>
>Hit by hit I feel the pain,
>Hit by hit I recieve the pain,
>Hit by hit I take the pain,
>Hit by hit I numb the pain.
>
>Hour by hour I fall down,
>Hour by hour I feel down,
>Hour by hour I know only down,
>Hour by hour I am down.
>
>Day by day I drift away,
>Day by day I lose sleep,
>Day by day increasing pain,
>Day by day always down.
>
>Clayton
>
>--------------------


Details | Free verse | |

Valentine

Soory silly Valentine
but, yes I have to go
I'll pack my things
and leave tonight
head for the open road
I don't know wher i'm going
or how I'll get there yet
The calender is marked
Tank is full
and my raincoat's soaking wet

Sorry, silly Valentine
and I apologize
but I need something more than this
I need bluer skies
Well I'm going someplace wonderful
and I will bring you there someday
For right you are too little
So, I must be on my way

Sorry, silly VValentine 
I'll bring you something back
all things special, just like you
safe here in my sack
With the keys in the ignition
and the heater up on high
Here is the part I dread the most--
time to say..good bye.


Details | Free verse | |

YOU CHANGED MY WORLD

OK GIRL WHAT YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME,
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING YOU WERE DIGGING ME
CALL ME UP ONE RAINY DAY,ASK ME TO COME OVER AND MAYBE PLAY

NOW YOU WERE THE ONE WHO REALLY CHANGED ME AROUND
TAKING ME TO CLUB JUICE AND SHOWING ME THE TOWN

AT FIRST I WAS YOUR PROJECT,YOUR PROTEGE,YOUR GIRL
YOU TOOK ME AROUND AND OPENED MY WORLD

NOW WE STARTED OUT FRIENDS AS WELL IT SHOULD BE-
ENDED UP LOVERS TO THIS DAY SUPRISES ME

TO TOOK ME TO THE WILD SIDE,BUT NOT ONCE WAS I AFRAID
YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAND,THATS HOW THE FRIENDSHIP WAS MADE

YOU OPENED YOUR HEART,YOUR LOVE,AND YOUR HOME
NEVER ONCE DID YOU SAY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

IM NOT THE KIND OF GIRL TO KISS AND TELL
BUT BEHIND CLOSE DOORS,YOU TAUGHT ME WELL

NOW YOU WERE MY FIRST,DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
THE RULES OF ENGAGMENT WERENT REALLY EXPLAINED YOU SEE

OVER THE COURSE OF TIME THE INTIACY WAS REALLY SWELL
BUT NOW IT WAS OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT REALLY STARTED TO FAIL

NOW ALL THE WHILE I WOULD SAY "AJ WHY ME"
BECAUSE YOUR BEAUTIFUL,SPECIAL AND CARING YOU SEE

NOW I GREW TO ADMIRE YOU MORE,AND MORE
IT WAS OBVIOUS I LOOKED UP TO YOU,IT WAS YOU I ADORED

ITS YOUR STRENGTH,YOUR CHARACTER,YOUR INTENSE PASSION
QUALITIES THAT ARE APART OF YOU,THAT ARE LIFE EVERLASTING

SO NOW THAT YOU TURNED ME OUT AND TURNED ME ON
RUMOR HAS IT  THAT YOU NOW WANT ME GONE 

IT SEEMS YOU THINK THIS STRAIGHT ARROW IS GAY,
GIRL IM NOT GAY...YOU JUST TURNED ME THIS WAY

DONT YOU REMEMBER LOVE-IM THE ONE WHO'S STRAIGHT
I WANTED TO GO OUT,BUT NOT ON A DATE

BI OR STRAIGHT WHAT DIFFRENCE DOES IT REALLY MAKE
MEETING YOU WAS NEVER EVER A MISTAKE

SO NO THERE'S NO BETTY,JANE,SUE OR SALLY
IT WAS JUST YOU,AND THOSE FEW TRIPS TO CALI

I CERTAINLY DONT WANT TO ALIENATE OR PUSH YOU AWAY
YOU TOLD OTHERS IM"YOUR BEST FRIEND"WAS THAT A MISTAKE
IF I LOST YOUR TRUST,MY HEART WOULD BREAK
YOUR MY CONSTANT TRUE FRIEND IN THIS SIN CITY STATE

REMEMBER THE ADVICE,THE SMART WORDS YOU TOLD ME
DONT TRUST ANYONE ,DONT LET VEGAS MOLD ME

I WISH I COULD BELIVE THE WORDS YOU SAID IN YOUR VERY HOME
LATELY WHEN I CALL ,YOU WONT EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE

AM I SO SAPPY OR SORRY TO THINK YOU WOULD STAY
PERHAPS IVE SAID TOO MUCH,AND YOU WISH I'D GO AWAY

I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE AND YOU GIVE ME MINE
HOPEFULLY WE CAN FORGIVE EACH OTHER,AND WE'LL DO JUST FINE

  IF I SHOULD DISSAPPEAR,FALL OFF,LEARN A LESSON ONE DAY
WHO WILL REALLY UNDERSTAND THE"INTRIGUE"OF JESSICA
I GUESS YOU WERE JUST DRAWN THIS WAY-


Details | Free verse | |

Why Am I Sad

 Why am i sad?
Why am i sad when i should be happy, when the sky is full and the sun is shining and the birds are singing, why am i sad?
Why am i afraid when the sun goes down and the sky fills up with darkness and it feels like i’m suffocating and choking on my own words and silent screams of help.
Why am i sad when i have the person of my dreams right next to me, telling me they love me, telling me they want to be my world,
Why am i drowning in tears, afraid of my fears coming to life, being choked by every little demon that has burrowed a nest in my head.
Why am i sad when it should be the best day of my life, when i’m moving on with the people i need right next to me.
Why am i so sad that the voices are telling me to swallow more pills and things are telling me to open up the veins under my skin, letting the stench of death fill the room as i fall to sleep.
Why am i sad when life is perfect and everything is going right for once, why am i sad?
You see, sadness is an emotion,
an emotion that fills you up and puts you to the point you sometimes want to give up the fight, 
an emotion that takes away your light and your breath so you only see the darkness,
so you only hear the voices calling to you to just jump, to just cut, to just swallow the rest of the sleeping pills. 
an emotion that makes someone count 5 reasons to stay but 10 reasons to leave,
because sadness is a bully,
a bully that never gives up the fight, that doesn’t give up til you give up and you’re laying 6 feet under.
Sadness is a monster that is out for revenge, to taste the sweet blood, to feel the coldness still of your body.
Sadness is my worst enemy, but also my best friend.


Details | Free verse | |

Swirling

Enchanted upon a moonlit night
eyes of my lover are bright
captured his essence pulled delicately
in that moment we connected endlessly
Yet two years later within passion's thrust
the love can easily turn to raging lust
Anger mingles with love
and draws us into it
the things I've said
I wish I didn't .
But the passion wraps us in ribbons
of seductive nights by firelight
amid the twilight
Why can't this darkest midnight
not ever end?
Instead of sending us swirling 
into the depths of illusions 
misplaced once again
Where we are left hanging
and dangling from the ledge
between heartbreak and sadness 
and ultimate gladness and then.. 


Details | Free verse | |

Where's My Voice

I want to scream 
God save me
I want to scream
Take away the blackness
And wash me white again
I want to scream 
Why did you leave me God
I want to scream
Don’t you hear me
Don’t you see me
Can’t you see me drowning
I want to scream
Do you even care
Don’t you see your child slowly fading
I want to scream 
That no I’m not strong enough
And yes I do need you
I want to scream
I thought you there
But you seemed to disappear
I want to scream
I am sorry for turning away
I am sorry for failing you
I want to scream
I want it all back
And so much more
I want to scream
Why didn’t you pick me up
When I fell face first
I want to scream 
What did I do wrong
Was my love not good enough
I want to scream
I am fine
I’ve done it this far without you
I want to scream
I can no longer do it on my own
I need you desperately
I want to scream
I have bitterness because of you
Bitterness towards you
I want to scream
Where were you when I was hurting
Where were you when the tears poured
I want to scream
Where were you when I wanted to end it all
Where were you in my darkest days
I want to scream
Deliver me and take me
Take me in your arms
I want to scream
Take my life in your hands
Let your will be done
I want to scream
How do I let it all go
I feel so betrayed
I want to scream
I need divine intervention
I need you to carry me
I want to scream
I can no longer walk
I am weak and weary
I want to scream
No matter what I can do this
I don’t need you or anyone
I want to scream
Help me fight this battle
Fight this war inside
I want to scream
Help me to overcome
Give me what I lack
I want to scream
Why do I even want to try 
Why do I want to risk it again
I want to scream
Save me God
Save me God
Because you are losing your child
Because she is fading fast
Because she is looking in all the wrong places
Because she refuses to look up
Because she is losing that smile you gave her
Because she wants to be the woman you made her to be
Because she wants to be the mother you made her to be
Because she is tired of the tears
Because she’s reaching the breaking point
I want to scream
SAVE YOUR DEAR CHILD
But I can’t find the courage…
But I can’t find the faith…
But I can’t find the voice…


Details | Free verse | |

RELASP

Sin has flogged me   
Sin has flogged me 
So badly  
I consider my pain a norm  
And not long for cleansing  
Am emensed in my blood  
I look filthy  
I am filthy  
So I think is life  
For I delight  in sin  
With no gruage to a whaling soul  
Perfectly I have subdued it  
Now she stares taken aback  
Whiles I mistaken it for pleasure  
I breakdown suddenly  
Indeed sin does not last  
For it recognises not my effort  
But seeks to drain me to death  
Surely the wages of sin is death  
A fact I knew when the unexpected graced itself upon me  
Help me God  
Help me God  
I am dying  
A death I enjoy  
I am dying   
Quenching the Light   
You setted within me  
My soul whales  
Help me God!  

©Kofi Asokwa-Nkansah


Details | Free verse | |

Recurring Conscience

Past a nourishing conscience
We find that we’re alone
Through the pain and heartache
There’s all but none
Thought transgresses the soul 
Nourishment loses its hold
Lost in the gaping hole
Of the unimaginable untold
All alone we wander
Through the spaces of hell
Where our mind is leading us
No one can really tell
Where will my heart lead me?
Get rid of that burning conscience
Dig deeply
To find its convalescence
I will never understand the pain you’re going through
But in the gaping holes that we do dwell
You will find me darkened too
I lift my soul from my mind
And bury it in my life
Steer clear of me if you can be so kind
To make the voids more whole
Find me
Find me and
Forgive me
And make it go away


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Grown

Look at me I'm grow.
I want to be out on my own.
I always did what I was told, but now I'm grown.

No need to worry just stay off my back.
Take a chill pill and relax.
Don't want to hear the facts cause I already know, I'm grown.

No more telling me what I can and what I can't and what I am and who I ain't  
I know who I am make no mistake. 
I was young once but now I'm grown.

Good-bye to all these stupid rules and bed time curfews.
I'm through! 
That stuffs for someone who's three.
But not for me, why? cause I'm grown.

SOME TIME LATER.....

Yes, finally I'm out need I say more?
I almost pushed you down trying to get out the door.
I was free but found out what that word really means.

"Responsibilities"

First come the job then came the bills.
No time to spend with my friends.
No time to stay home and chill.

Didn't like that deal.
Lost my job so I started living off the streets.
Now I'm in a jail cell, tomorrow will be a week.

If only I had listened to you.
Things would not have turned out this way.
Remember when I use to say I'm grown?
I was wrong...


Details | Free verse | |

Mystery guy part

   Magic is it possible I can feel this feeling when i'm next to you.

 I feel free from problems from all the issues and then I come back and your no where 
to be found. 

    No I yell this was my chance but it was only a dream and I can't stop 
crying.

 It felt so real, how did they know I grabbed on to my sheets real hard 
because my dreams are just teasing me.

 Another poem about that past love that you can never forget, it's like a knife being 
stuck straight in my heart I can't feel the pain because the love was never there in the 
first place.

 It hurts so bad and sometimes it doesn't I can almost remember a time when I wasn't 
this stuck to him. 

  It was a time for carelessness and a time for laughs I didn't have this memory yet 
and i'm starting to think i'm going mad.

 Sometimes I feel like deleting this one thing that keeps me focused on you like a kid 
on candy. 

   I feel like I could never move on... it's funny how hearing you name could make me 
feel all over again.

 The worst part about this is that it never got finished and I wanted to hear the rest 
of the song.

    Lonely, A funny word sometimes it's laughable sometimes it's a crying 
tantrum spilled moment.

     A cloud has been hanging over my head for nearly forever dark and thundering 
shooting rain down my noes making me lose breath and lose focus. 

   Calling, shouting, beating, bleeding then the cloud finally lifts and I can't help 
missing it.

   It tortured me and made me feel weak and now that's it's gone I can't 
help screaming for the rain.

   Come back to me I say honestly I was fine getting 
soaked but it's gone and all I can see is blue skies and that lonely remembrance 
that I am alone.


Details | Free verse | |

I'll be there

In life there is always one mistake and I made one of those mistakes Of course it'd be me to make that mistake and well here we are apart out of love out of each others hearts and I guess I won't Get that chance back but if there is one thing I kknow It's that I'll always be there for you And I won't let anything happen to you In my heart well i guess I don't have a heart left It's been shattered so many times But I won't let anything hurt you and if it does then i wouldn't have been able to keep my promise But one I know I will keep is I'l be there for you forever and always.


Details | Free verse | |

Right On, Righteousness

By the truths of
Judah
I never thought I'd
be
Thinking on it
backwards
As I rarely often
need

The journey started
somewhere
In a daydream of a
night
They took everything
away from me
Except my innocence
of life
Now I have a slight
Gift of the
righteous
Put it to good use
As I'm battling the
mindlessness

Now the thousand
army of Lucy
Come to wring my
neck
Slipping through the
shadows 
Have to watch my
every step
For if I fall in
The lightbringer
will
Soon be dead
As the righteous 
inherit their
kingdom
when it comes to be 
that it resides
inside their head



Details | Free verse | |

Just say something

I'm stuck in my room, don't know what to do
I've got a pen in my hand but words won't flow through
Thoughts going everywhere
I don't know what I'm doing now

Tell me to stay, tell me to go
Just do something, anything to let me know I'll be okay
And that I'll make it through just one more day

They say it's just a phase, but what if it ain't?
What am I gonna do if this lasts my whole life through?
What will I say to the people who care...
Will I just let them down like I always do
Will I stand up and fight?
Or will I do what's right, according to you?

Say I'm a mistake, say I can't do anything right
Say you wish I weren't here
So I can pack up my bags and leave
Without feeling sorry for hurting you
Without feeling sorry for going my own way 


Details | Free verse | |

House Of Cards

I forget that I’m in trapped in a house of cards
until the wind comes blasting through
And I’m left again with nothing
Nothing but grief and this pile of all that I knew

I had to forget how much I cared for you
Something no one should ever have to do
Can you remember? Do you remember?
Those darkly happy days when you felt that way too?

Love so many bitter times unrequited
Two hearts broken----too broken to break anymore
You’ve become my dark horse in this race against time 
And I hope to God we’re not about to lose 

Futile 
Infantile
And all around absurd 
Is what this nightmare without you has been

We shouldn’t have to work so hard
To fall flat down on our faces
again and again

I wish you’d come out of your shell
and back to life in the warmth of my arms once again


Details | Free verse | |

The Most Fascinating Person I Ever Knew

You were the most fascinating person I ever knew,
every part of you, every fiber;
I loved the shine of your lucent eyes,
the saccharine taste of your lips;
you fought for my sanity
whilst losing your own, and
I cannot explain how much I thank you
for that.
You were the most fascinating person I ever knew,
but now you have disappeared;
I cannot see the emotion in your once-lucent eyes,
I cannot even dream of tasting your lips again,
and now I am fighting for your sanity
as you once did for me, but
you do not notice why I
do it.
You were the most fascinating person I ever knew,
and now,
you are the
emptiest.


Details | Free verse | |

youll probably never read this

you'll probably never read this 
but if you do
i want to tell you that im sorry 
about everything

you'll probably never read this
but if you do
i want to tell you that i didnt mean for this to happen
i never thought it would come down to this

you'll probably never read this 
but if you do 
i want you to know that i didnt want us to end like that
what i did to you was wrong

you'll probably never read this
but if you do 
please understand my side 
of everything that happened

you'll probably never read this 
but if you do 
i know it doesnt make things right between us
ill never forgive myself for what happened

you'll probably never read this 
but if you are 
you need to know that i live with this every single day
it will never leave me

you'll probably never read this 
but if you are
this is my last attempt 
at trying to make you understand

you'll probably never read this 
but if you are
im so sorry
ill never be able to tell you

you'll probably never read this
but if you are
i told everyone it was mostly my fault 
and that you werent to blame

you'll probably never read this 
but if you are 
youre probably getting bored 
so ill make this easy

im sorry for everything i put you through
i never wanted it to go that far
it was really stupid on my part
i have to deal with the choices i made 
every day of my life
ill never be the same 
you changed my life in so many ways
good and bad
but for the good...
thank you
ill never forget the good times we shared
and i hope you wont either
but for the bad...
its time to put them to rest
this is my last attempt 
at saying im sorry
if you dont accept that 
its fine 
but for everything you did to me 
i forgive you
im sorry for hurting you 
im sorry for making you cry
im sorry for everything
...goodbye...


Details | Free verse | |

Forgive My Rudeness

Forgive my rudeness
When I get in your way.
I do not mean to glow so brightly
When you put your darkness on display.

I swear it is not out of spite
That I outshine your ego's fire
When it is burning to intimidate -
To scortch my self esteem to ash.

Excuse my posture
When it will not sway your way
The roots are to blame
For this downright defiance
That I stand with uprightness
Though youre wacking away
With sharpened blades of anger.

Do pardon the heights
That my spirit soars
But consider yourself warned today: 
They do not stop for any man
So spare yourself and
Get out of my way! 


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye

Goodbye

One cut, the blood spills

It’s not because of you, was never “because”,
It was all FOR you-in my sick twisted, f***-up way….
In all reality you should hate me

Another cut, the blood drips slowly

You see...I’m selfish, so very selfish
I demand so much from you,
And I’m way to impatient

A third cut, the blood runs down along my arm

I must appologise, because I am nothing but a rotting darkness to you,
An infectious virus-disease-spreading wildly like a fire
And I fall down to the pit of despair-and I drag you down with me…

I cut again—and I can’t stop

It was ever your fault…NEVER
I’m the one to blame…I’m the one at fault because I cling to you
And I take from you what is not mine to take

More cuts. More blood…feel the sting of selfish loathing

I told you I have no one else
It’s not because of them though, it’s because of me
It was always me…I am the one to blame-ALWAYS to blame

Blood. Drip. Drip…Dripping to the floor

It’s because of this darkness that I AM
I scare people away-bad things always happen when I’m around
It’s no accident that people leave-or stay away from-me

A seventh cut, a saturated red rag…

Anger, Sorrow…frustration…and pain rage
I cause it all; I pull you down into the emptiness
I never should have…you don’t deserve me…

Two more…Three more…

You felt bad enough…and I just made it worse…so much worse…
This deepening sense of regret and guilt pull me down more and I drag you with me…
And you crash and fall…and again, feel the sting of my selfishness

Two more an then it’s over, I’m done…

The blood finally runs its course,
I have brought you down for the last time
I say, one last thing to you before I’m gone…

“I love you, you were everything to me and…hurting you…so much, I just cannot live with that. So I say to you, my final goodbye. My letter of regret and sorrow. I’m so sorry my dearest friend, but you deserve so much better… so much better than me my sweet friend…”

                                                                                “Goodbye…"


Details | Free verse | |

Invisible Chains


When you think your alone I’m actually there. . taking away your freedom and your not even aware.

Its better this way with you not knowing, as if our true face was to show, well that would be the end of the plan as we know.

So do us a favour and keep working your 9-5 watching our T.V thinking you’re alive.

The truth of it all is we run this show and even if we told you no better people would know! 

As most aren’t wise they do as there told, makes them feel secure. . Its psychology of old, an as we both know sheep do not lead  . . but follow!


Details | Free verse | |

WAR


                                                      BLACK
                                                      FLAME
                                                       SHOT
                                                       BANG
                                                      GROAN
                                                     SILENCE
                                                       COLD
                                                      TEARS
                                                        PAIN 
                                                     MEMORY


Details | Free verse | |

Changing

-I'm sorry for the way I've been
-I know it's not ok 
-I'm trying to change
-But the thing is.....
-I'm not sure how
-I see how it hurts you
-And I kills me to know that
-Seeing the hurt in your eye
-Makes me feel like 
-A truly horrible person
-And it sickens me to the core.
-You hate me saying 
-"I'm sorry" all the time
-But I	don't	know what else to 
say
-I feel I always have a lot 
-To be sorry for,
-But you hate it
-Even though 
-It's in my nature
-I'm trying,
-I'm trying for you.
-I make you mad sometimes
-With me just being me,
-Or saying the wrong thing
-When I ment something else
-Just know...
-Yes I am trying to change
-So even though you hate it...
-I'm sorry....
-For everything.
-I truly love you!


Details | Free verse | |

if emotion had color

if what we do
if what we did
if our emotions 
had colors
that we could see
what color would we be
dark red with passion
bright red with love
black with anger
or a mixture of colors.
what color is your heart
is it perfect
for your body
or is it imperfect
for your soul.
if emotion
was colored
who would 
you be?


Details | Free verse | |

Sobrieties Wall

Countless tales told across the sobriety wall
names and dates,memories and remembrances
marked in the here and now upon the white brick wall.
Most sobering to look upon
more so when comprehension is awakened
by the meaning within the words.
To understand the everyday evils
those upon the wall have faced when dealing with drink.

Death to some a most blessed relief
to others,the torments lived everyday can mean
that rock bottom comes more and more frequently
...with each passing day.
To block out ones most painful memories
...the hoped for end.
To dull the pain felt,whether
...real or imaginary.
To appease the demons harbored within
so to quiet their restless destructive nature.
This and so much more is sought after by those
whose lives have been in constant battle with the bottle.

Words of encouragement/sadness to remember
...pain, joy, regret!
all expressed upon the wall.
The spaces fill rapidly at times, slowly other times
colors upon the wall help to tell the stories
some colors most vibrant, some most somber
dull and lifeless like the lives expressed by the 
...very ones who painted them.
One thought, the line most poignant
...and noticed above all others!
"Never give up hope".
Are words to remember and to live by.l


Details | Free verse | |

The skinny moneyed man returns

Mocking the rest of utopians,possesed of diathermy
the skinny moneyed man is vaccinated with noisy triumph.
He is going to massacre thousand souls again.
Fear came upon us with a smile of understanding
and drones decided to stay in concealment for months.

Nothing hurts like the truth gnawed by mice
as the despicable events stirred me to pity.
I cut my hair very closely but there was such a jam,
that i couldn't get in.
He tried to obscure the issue but his reason was clouded by hatred.

He squandered his money on idle pleasures,
"iam sorry if i have offended you",
made the punishement fit the crime
"here's a toast to our success",
using the sponge of sodomy.

The air seemed vibrant with the sweltering heat,
as the sphinxs of misery made my egoism full of vigilance
Skinny now holding a bag for me,trying to redeem
my sins.


Details | Free verse | |

dead within a shell of my former self.

I cry and so she does as well
Hold back, but myself is shown
Gain your composure as you 
Shatter into fragments of your former self
But still hold yourself together as your
Not worth the effort to strive for
Worthless in a sense
As she cries in the arms of one she
Calls friend, when she speaks of the
Events, which have unfolded 
Your name is never mentioned
When you cry on shattered dreams
She has no remorse as she crawls into
His arms
But why
why must I care so much
but apparently not enough
I forced her to cry and
I am damned for it
behold my weeping sorrow
as she ignores me
and so heartache becomes known
but I put forth the effort 
effort to accompany her
to comfort her
and all that is returned are false smiles
and wishful thinking on my behalf
why hope for something that is never
why strive for tomorrow when today is nonexistent
slit and the scars become memories
a first instance of death within my eyes as
the blade draws near to my flesh
manipulating my mental image of perfection
as drunken fights become
my only shelter, 
I am not myself now
will I ever be the same again
things have changed
I am far beyond help as I draw closer
to the abyss which I know as death
find something to protect my life
as I  stumble into time as nothing more
than a guy who once cared too deeply
and now nothing exists
numb and cold
numb and dead
why must everything suddenly loose
its ambience...
...why must she not see past
former relations and realize
I AM REAL!


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry for the things I did not say
I’m sorry for the things I did

You were my child of years
The one I did not hear

I blame myself everyday
for ears not open to what you would say

To hear your cries, your pain, despair
Makes the torment even harder to bear

I wanted to be the one to heal your soul
For you needed your mother and I was not there

I look back and see your smiling face, that silly grin
It is all I have in myself to keep sane within

If time heals all wounds
This one won’t save me.

I’m doomed.




©Holly P. Moore
   September 2012


Details | Free verse | |

A HARSH REALITY

Too many children have had to grow without ever having a parent to know.
Ran through the foster parent system,with no one ever asking them.
And what occurs when they get some bad ones,beatings,isolation,sexual assaults done.
Then growing up and living with what occured,their conscience telling them this is absurd.
So they go through life being afraid and believing that those who hurt them must be obeyed.
It truly is a sick circle they must live in,and how this affects others is truly a sin.
So we must try to get them through this and most times it will be hit and miss.
But someone must be there for them,to ask those crucial questions where and when.
For if they never release that pain inside,they will always surely run and hide.
So "PLEASE" dear LORD! Set there evil free,and when they've released their pain could we 
then work on me.


Details | Free verse | |

Not your perfect girl...

The words I have held so long in my heart
Have broken free at last
But now I want to take them back,
I want to turn back the time,
Because these words have hurt you so bad

I shouldn’t have shouted at you
I shouldn’t have said those words
I shouldn’t have been so tense
But even a stone can break under pressure
And maybe my heart broke too

I wanted you to understand
This hurt I am carrying in my heart
Because after all, we are family
But I guess you expected me to be strong
To take it cool when so many things have changed

My life isn’t picture perfect
My life isn’t a well-written script
That people would understand
I guess I shouldn’t have pushed it too far
And hoped you’d understand 
When the rest of the world did not

I am sorry that I am not strong enough
To take this battle as a part of life
I am sorry that I can’t forget this pain
Hurting so bad in my heart
I am sorry for all these mistakes
I am sorry I am not your perfect girl


Details | Free verse | |

Stand Up And Fight {Poetry In Motion}

a womans humanity remains strong
regardless of the victimization
simply stand strong to opposition





Tribute To Abused Woman
Never Give Up The Fight


Details | Free verse | |

OGONGO II


Still, and again
“Ogongo” crept into my mouth
As I behold the two nocturnal creatures

We have waited endlessly
No longer in my Aunt’s place,
But we became unsolicited watchmen
At the streets gate entrance
It was an ungodly hour 
Darkness had key to everywhere

Still, and again
I winked at my cousin
He nodded, and murmured
“They are on their way”

But when midnight started knocking
Out of the furfuled dusk
Appeared the two nocturnal  “Ogongos”

One bringing back the memory of the famous Yokosuna
Of the Heavy weight with an heavy duty
To her chest, 
Were a very big size-less eve’s apples?
Her mean look compliments her dark complexion
Her burnt lips. .  . Reddish eyeballs speak of her as a chimney
My cousin I pity from within my heart
 
Her hyena-like laughter
Turned me back to the second “Ogongo”
Of a lesser weight to the former
Her Eve’s apples were almost not there
“Bad catch, worst choice”
I echoed to myself until I saw
Her roundly shaped protruding buttock
Speaking louder than a loud-speaker
It overshadows her duck-like ugly mouth
It was an undeniable asset

Indeed, the “Ogongos” are both endowed
With a Unique Selling Point (UPS)
With these, I had taught they can never
Run out of good prices in the market.

Lo and behold,
At the crucial product delivery point
I rushed out of my room
Only to see my cousin outside too
Looking worried and dejected 

The “Ogongos” are over-used products 
The expiry date lapsed long ago
The USP was a flash in the pan
We both slept in the parlour 
Leaving the “Ogongos” in their different rooms
It was a bad deal in a bad day.




Alayande Stephen T
09.55am
20th June, 2007




NB-Ogongo is a coinage for Prostitutes.
In Iba, with Ayo  and Yemi, expecting 
An Izobo daughter and Tobi’s call. 





Details | Free verse | |

Lies

the day dawned dark and dreary
at her lonely, hilltop house
as memories of the night still lingered
in her sad and sleepless head
why? a voice whispered softly 
as she slowly slid from the bed
why indeed she answered mournfully
the voices she heard in her head
knowing now the fateful outcome
of her daring deceitful game
she simply sighed and spoke his name
no need now to don the white satin gown 
for this was to have been her wedding day
forever gone when the truth was spoken
no forgiveness for this would be forthcoming 
she had forsaken all he held so dear
alone in her miserable web of lies
she wept for what might have been
his name today she would have taken
had she not lied and ruined everything



Details | Free verse | |

a little too late

why do things have to pass you by?
the things that are so irreplaceable,
they seem to rub by without giving us
the chance to see how much we've just lost
if i can't have you,
at least i was able to know that i once did
someday you'll know that i  was the one for you
if the human body can live with food and water
then why does it feel like i can't live 
without you?
it's amazing the things you realize
when you lose someone...
you get mad at yourself for not 
saying the things you could've said a million and one times
you take for granted
the days spent doing nothing
when you could have been with him
anyone can be taken 
at any time in our lives
but we always wait until their gone
to say the things we never had the courage to say before

[this poem is dedicated to M.A. ...im sorry i never told you how i felt..
im sorry i never told you i love you...im just sorry...]


Details | Free verse | |

LOVE AFFAIR

I begged
I pleaded
And did I beg again
But at fault I was
Still I remained

But did I beg again
What was first sight of love
The consequences thereof
A night full of all
Much joy and jolly

Did I love and laugh
To me all you seemed
So much of my future
So much heartless of a puppet
Why sulk like a baby

But did I love again
Now all lies in balance
So much of love affair
That started by ending


Details | Free verse | |

Damages and Diseases of the swinging Pendulum mind: Part Four

The pendulum starts gaining speed again I can’t sleep I feel so guilty keeping you around I shouldn’t I should not do this to you If I were truly your friend I would set you free I should I should So why can’t I Why can’t I function without you woosh, woosh The pendulum speeds And speeds I can’t sleep I can’t sleep I am sorry I am sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So Sorry So sorry So sorry So Sorry So Sorry So sorry The Pendulum swings faster Faster and faster I wish it would stop I wish my mind would stop shifting Stop Stop I’m so scared I’m so angry I’m sad I hate it All of it And there goes the pendulum ever faster Ever changing the splintered fragments of my mind Why Why must my mind be so sporadic Always shifting Always changing Like the sands of the ocean floor Always different Always I hate this I do not like this And all that happens Is you get hurt And I’m sorry for that So very, very sorry It’s not fair to you It’s not fair And I don’t know what to do To make it all better To make everything better To make all my tortures go away So that you can be happy I just want you happy I should let you go Set you free … You should keep away from me It would be better For you So much better Less painful Less heartbreaking Less damaging I am damaged beyond repair But that does not mean you need to be You could go Run Be free You should It would be better Much better for you Just let the flames consume me Let the waters choke my cries…my pleads And let the deadly pendulum slice me in pieces Grind me down to nothing Burn me So that my virus cannot be spread So no one else will be hurt So you can live free and happy Because I can’t keep living with myself Knowing what I do to you And again the pendulum swings Again and again And again And again It will never end Never end Until I do Until I finally rest In my watery…bloodied grave


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

Down next to the river bend
You know you took my breath away
I’m glad you finally realized it
And tried to save the day

I drowned in your love
I’m sorry
What's done, it can’t be undone
I am sorry

Your breath replacing mine
Your air flowing through my lungs
And that pounding in my chest
We both know it’s because of you, baby

I’m sorry my sweet darling
I’m sorry caring father
Who never sees his son
I’m sorry late night drinker
Who chases when I run

And I drowned in your love
I’m sorry
What's done, it can’t be undone
I’m sorry

As I watch the scene from afar
I can tell you’re sorry
That you let it get this far
But you’re not sorry

I’m sorry
That our son will have no mother
I am sorry 
He never really had a father
I am sorry, so sorry
That I let it get this far

And I’m sorry
For the call my parents got
I am sorry
They lost their daughter
To another useless fight
With the man they never liked

I’m so sorry


Details | Free verse | |

There Is No Magic Spell

I love you
Oh yes I do;
More than you will ever know.
It’s hard to let you go
The sun just shines
Brighter when you’re around.
I’ve just,
Been feeling so down
And so blue;
Without you.
But alas I can’t complain,
I messed up,
I was being vain
And selfish, and stupid
I wish I could rewind into the past
Take it all back
And make it
Evaporate
But alas, I have no time turner
I am no Hermione Granger
I am a mere mortal you see,
And all a mortal can say
Is simply, I’m sorry


Details | Free verse | |

The methadone girl

She could hardly drag himself along,hovered between life and death,
so frozen that her hands are insensible to any feeling
and atrophied heart works only for the casual trade.
Plucked at hair with rage as these morning habits die hard,
spiting blood,residues of the night before.
You toiled in vain because you think you've met her several times
and your soul finally realized your ambitions.
But she is the methadone girl.
The cheap shoes worn out,trampled underfoot by the crowd,
wasted by the long illness,languished from indifference.
Dice with her life everyday,the perspective of sadness,
gain nothing or something in her mind,
watching you to keep your reputation free from all slurs
The drainage happened at the age of eighteen
only dent in her pride was forever.
Fool her with promises,exchange arms and legs with money,
skin burns easily so be an animal,defy the pressure-gauge.
Rolling on souls again.
Overawe us into the silence.
The silence of methadone.


Details | Free verse | |

911

Sixteen minutes 'til September eleventh. By the time I finish typing and editing... it 
will BE September 11th. I remember that day. In the kind of detail I don't 
remember most. Was horrible.. beyond horrible... don't think there's a word for 
what it was...

and yet...

and yet...

nice to have a date to hang our mourning 
our righteous indignation 
on

isn't it?

i mean...

911 is a lot catchier than

say...

April 6 through mid-July, 1994 
when at least 500,000 Tutsis and thousands of moderate Hutus 
died 
in 
genocide

yah, 500k

or

when ya look for stats on darfur.... 
they're vague... 
but ya KNOW 
in your heart... 


if ya still listen to it...

DO ya still listen to it???

that the suffering there 
outstrips 911 
to the 
(poetrysoup does not allow this particular adjective)
MAX

i'm sorry people died in the world trade center 
i'm sorry there is hate on this planet 
but i WON'T hate with them

or with you

even if i love you 
i won't hate with you

BECAUSE

i love us.... 
all of us

including

you


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

You won't know how I feel,
What I do,
What I want.
 
Because in everything I do,
You're too Blind to see the Truth.
 
Sometimes it makes me wonder,
It makes me wonder why I can't be them,
Why can't I?
 
I want you to try and take my Place,
I want you to feel the pain I feel,
I want you to get hurt the way I got hurt,
I want you to Feel all the feelings I felt.
 
I want to see Blood on your Body,
I want to see you suffer in Pain,
I want to see you in hell with Lucifer down there.
 
I tried to hide it,
I tried to pretend,
but then everything has it's End.
 
All the feelings I felt towards you Vanished,
like a witch as wicked,
Like Hearts that Breaks into a Billion of Pieces.
 
You won't have the senses,
to know I'm Physically and Mentally Broken,
Why?
because you're not in my Place to feel my Pain
 
You should see how my Tears Dried
and how my Heart Died.


Details | Free verse | |

Still born American Fetus

I wont entertain these stillborn
Ideas with a bandanna and a cross
I wont bargain for insurance
While fake servants roam the floor
There's no love on my tongue
For pasty, plastic American dripping dreams
The thief of the garage
Stole my conscience


Details | Free verse | |

tides are risen from tears of love

when oceans rise beyond
the beaches, and 
it seems like the 
sky is leaking
water that fills 
the sea
above its very limits
and when those
tears stop falling
from the sky
where they fell 
the only place
that is the waters
edge is the mountain
that you land on.


Details | Free verse | |

You Save Me

Some things, we dont talk about,
Some things we do.
Some things i dont tell you,
Some things you dont tell me.
Ive never almost lost you.
But you always almost loose me.
I cant help what i do.
I like to do it.
I feel dead inside without it.
But you ALWAYS save my life..
Even when im on the verge of death,
YOU save me,
And i cant thank you enough. 
And one day,
When i take my final breathe.
I know you will be right by my side.


Details | Free verse | |

I Understand

                            
Close your eyes dear lady; for this night everything is ck.
I understand your worries and how they’re dragging you down.
You feel like you’re a woman alone; against many that are stronger.
I understand; but this night I am here with you, so sleep if you can.

I can see that we’re both sorry; I see it in both of our eyes;
I’ve seen it in the tears we cry for each other and devotions beyond all hope.
I understand tonight; we’re sorry for more than what we’ve done to each other.
I see we are sorry for what it has done to us; and all we can do is endure.

I can tell it’s wearing you down; making believe we are only an agreement.
I know we agreed that together we can accomplish more as a team.
I understand I’m living my life like I’m prepared to do battle;
I know you understand why; and how it hurts you so.

I know you agreed to let me have you tonight; but you seem so fragile.
Feel me as I lay my hands on your head; I’m saying I’m here for you tonight.
I’ll never forget how it once was; I’ll always stand in your defense against harm.
Close your eyes dear lady; I’ll watch over you as you sleep because tonight;
                             “I Understand”


Details | Free verse | |

Hard Decision

I never wanted you to see this.
The darkest part of me.
Something filled with mystery and darkness.
You havent seen all of me but you have seen just enough for me to have to leave.
Im sorry but I cant let that part of me hurt you.
Im starting to care about you and that scares me.
I dont want to hurt you.
But I dont want to leave.
What should I do?
What should I do?


Details | Free verse | |

I Made It This Way

As time passes
So do all the new things you learn
	Unable to watch you grow
Hurts more than  I can handle
Pain so deep
Hidden within
	Fighting its way to the surface
Wanting to explode
My heart  never  as whole
	As it did the day I held you in my arms
Looking back at me
Your innocent eyes
So precious ~ So pure
	Perfect little baby
My perfect baby boy
How can you forgive me
Letting you go
	My son
Never know how much mommy loves you
	Replays in my mind over and over again
Why you’re gone
Reality of it all
Mommy let you go
  Gave up on what I was born to do…
	Have
Love and protect you 
All the wonderful things mommy was supposed to do
HATE ME
Kills me inside
	Leaves me numb
Realize ~ I didn’t choose you
When all you needed was me
		FAILED
I failed at what God blessed me with
  Baby boy
		Sorry
I miss you everyday
Want to lie down
	Just die
Cold
     Dark
           Alone inside
I made it this way
My baby
	Not you….


Details | Free verse | |

Damages and Diseases of the swinging Pendulum mind: Part Two

I’m so afraid of myself Afraid of the anger that burns my soul A vicious poison Consuming what should be my soul Corrupting the very breadth of life in me A false sense of control was all I ever had But yet…with you Everything is calmer Everything is clearer You are my savior My savior My grace But the pendulum still swings Still swings The danger never really gone Just…eased My mind Eased For awhile But the poison is still there Still affecting my mind Still attacking me They call it “Bipolar Disorder” I call it an excuse They say it’s mild I say… It is nothing but- An excuse One I shall not use There is no excuse to the way I treat you Or anyone else for that matter But you in particular, Do not deserve any of this You’re my guardian angel The target of my never ending pendulum I want it to stop I want it to go away But it never will It never will I can’t stop it I want too But I don’t know how I’m so afraid I’m so scared I’m so diseased I’m so worthless I have nothing to offer you in return of your undying friendship Nothing but grief comes your way Nothing but hardship and torment And the burning waters of my unchained mind do not help They only hurt Only hurt And I’m so sorry So sorry I want it to stop But I don’t know how I don’t know how I’m so sorry For all the pain All the torment The screaming inside me Bouncing through my head Through my very being But unable to escape Nothing escapes Until… The anger explodes Like a volcanic eruption It goes everywhere And you get caught in it And it’s not fair Not fair Not fair And I feel so guilty Wanting you around Keeping you around When all I do is hurt you All I do is hurt I hurt I hurt I’m scared I’m sorry I’m damaged I damage I’m sorry I’m so afraid of what I’ve become I want to go back Go back Take it all back Undo it all Undo everything Set you free


Details | Free verse | |

Twinkling Souls

Sitting alone in a hotel room
Looking out over flat roofed buildings
At twinkling lights across the Island.
How many lights?
How many people?
Sitting alone in their rooms?
Looking out.
Alone.
Searching.
Despairing of finding ourselves.
Fearful of discovery
That I am Me.
Who is dying?
Slowly but slowly we all surely will.
Choice is everything.


Details | Free verse | |

walking alone

The earth so quiet and still

The wind so gentle and calm

My life ran on chances like the spin of a wheel

The drop of a tear on my palm

But tonight I walk alone

 

No one to console a breaking heart

A push and a shove and now we’re far apart

Broken and full of disbelief

A body so run down on grief, so be brief

Because tonight I know I walk alone

 

A body so crumbled

A mind so humbled

A smile that tell lies

Apologetic words are mumbled

Sorry for what? I have no clue

That monster so angry with all its crew

But guess what, im not sorry for me im sorry for you

Tonight of all nights I rather not walk alone

 

The sky so dark with not a star in sight

Walking…better yet running through the night

Screaming at the top of my lungs of agitation

Annoyed and ready to fight out of frustration

No one around to take the blow

It’s giving me the space to heal and grow

Tonight is the night I learn why I walk alone

by: Taneia J. Nelson


Details | Free verse | |

I can't bear to be perfect anymore

I always knew something about you would fade.
Your words never could reach my soul,
But they ripped my heart in half.
With every being of who you are you tired,
And tired but it never worked.
And who I am seems to be frowned upon,
Time and time again.
I was never enough for you,
And someday you'll move on to something great,
To someone greater.
And we're gonna grow apart,
One day I'll see you somewhere and remember you.
You'll be a married man and far past us,
And it won't matter to you.
It'll still scar me and even if right now
I appear as the stronger one, it won't be like this forever.
I'm breaking down on the inside, I just don't show it.
And you don't know the control you have,
I just had to write you this so you would know,
That I'm moving on' and letting go,
Even though I don't want to.
You'll keep going about your life,
And keep regretting me like you have been,
And I've never regretted you.
I feel like I've been pushed down,
Pushed down, cut and pushed into the dumpster.
The sadness is this is no longer a poem.
This isn't a work of art,
This is a sad way of writing a letter to a lost friend,
A lost friend who shouldn't be lost. 
A lost friend who should still be mine.
But I'll give you my acceptance of moving on when it feels,
While it feels unbearable. And I've lost you.
Odds against me, I doubt I'll ever have you again.
I've never been enough for you,
And I can't bear to try to be perfect anymore.
I can't feed you the lies so I'm enough for you.
I guess I'll always be imperfect,
And unable to be yours.
Hopefully you aren't always lost;
Love and leave,
Joy and tears,
Mine and gone,
One day we'll see.


Details | Free verse | |

Depression

I'm lonely,
I hear her say,
She sleeps in the floor,
weeps all day.

Darkness is her friend 
She struggles with dread
The sadness lingers,
As she hangs her head.

She grasp to take control
never knowing how, 
then.....
always letting go.

I know her,
I long to help,
But what can you say or do,
When she ...is......You!




Details | Free verse | |

OFFENSE2 -Quotes by Anna Lo P

"At the end, we must forgive those who offended us, whether the offense is really 
intended or merely perceived..because Love lies in us.." -twitted in Twitter account


Details | Free verse | |

Waterlover

Through murky waters
a manatee sees me;
brave he is,
but knows not 
my kind
or does,
has shouldered mine,
the reckless,
careless.

I look down at wet feet
planning escape from
eyes that yank 
shame from me. 
I am the species
juggernaut
and he, a refugee,
gliding back and forth
alongside a slippery dock,
his back a revelation of 
crisscrossed shapes

he needs me to see.

And when I whisper
'Will you be here tomorrow'
he answers, 'you tell me.'


Details | Free verse | |

im sorry

I'm saying sorry first 
I'm saying sorry last
I'm saying sorry for the future 
and for the past

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you
when you were there for me
and I'm sorry for not listening
when you needed it the most
i should have listened to you
you were right and you had the right to be mad

I'm sorry that you felt the need to apologize
when i should have
and I'm sorry that you were hurt
because i hurt
I'm sorry that I can only see the good
and always try to avoid the bad

I'm saying sorry for all my mistakes that i made
I'm saying sorry for being blinded
blinded by the perfect thought of you and me
when really we don’t have a chance

I'm the stupid one 
your not
I let you down and I feel it deep within me
We both made some errors and said something wrong but that’s how life is

Nobody's perfect 
not even me and you 
so I'm sorry for that too
And I'm sorry for everything but ...

Please forgive me 
We can change things back to normal
I'm sorry if this is not what you want
But it’s the only thing I can think of
and thats is to at least talk to each other
once in awhile


Details | Free verse | |

All I Have Left To Say

This could be the end of me,
Enveloping me silently,
Taking over almost entirely
Until I don’t know who I want to be.
It is an awkward subject to broach,
One I’m never quite sure how to approach,
So most of the time I dodge, avoid,
And grow so  frustrated and annoyed
At the sense of being on my own
That I can’t delay or postpone
Some kind of cry for a helping hand,
For someone to help me understand
What the hell is going on, and that’s why
Sometimes I have the urge to cry,
To show you my confusion and pain,
Let the tears cascade like rain;
But often it’s not the time or place
To get mascara all over my face,
Or bring the mood down a notch or four – 
I don’t want to be the depressing bore.
I try to talk in a light-hearted way,
But I’m never quite sure what to say,
So I stumble and make it sound
Like I think it’s funny or I’m messing around…
By the time I realise, it’s been too long
To correct what now sounds all wrong,
And I’m left with an uncomfortable sense of regret
While you are angry, worried and upset;
By reaching out, I push you further away,
Until sorry is all I have left to say.


Details | Free verse | |

The Hobo

The Hobo.

I shelter from the rain and wind.
In a cardboard box.
Put out for the bin.
I have a candle by me side.
A luxury I abide.

Soon the rain comes seeping in.
Dripping down my chin..
I could go running up and down.
The candle fizzils out
Smoke whirls about.

I find another that is dry.
Settle down with a sigh.
The do gooders do their best.
Free soup and a night of rest.

I can see in their eyes,
That they despise.
This Hobo, no surprise.
No ordinary person would survive.
In a cardboard box, alive.

The warmth I seek, is from the heart.
A Hobo with this has no part.
Who would love a Hobo.
I ask?  No one takes on the part.
Despise, loath and hate.
Is what I must take.

In the country.
By the hedges go.
In the towns, the doorways, shops I know.
Bus stops best.
Taken by the rest.
No room is there.
Anywhere.
For a Hobo.

.................................................









Details | Free verse | |

Monsters

The monsters came back, 
They taunted her every night,
Telling her absurd things.
They made her think.
They whispered in her ear 
Trying to lead her to do 
something
She had tried so hard to 
overcome.
This was a constant battle 
Between her and the wicked.
And yet again,
She was left with nothing
In a dark room
Because the monsters won.


Details | Free verse | |

LIFE AT TIMES


Life at times just doesn’t seem fair,

When a loved one embraced just hours ago, suddenly is no longer there.

If only we could make life at times in retrospect, just stand still,

Then captured moments of joy, wouldn’t need decades for a broken heart to heal.

Life at times marches only to the beat of its self-proclaimed drum.

Life at times leaves us bewildered and dismayed at the sudden loss of a special someone.

Life at times creates an emptiness in our heart and soul, making it sometimes difficult to start anew.

The dark cloud of pain and sorrow will no doubt hover, until life at times naturally lets the radiance 
of sunlight through.

With sincere sympathy, I am truly sorry for your loss and at times the piercing loneliness that may 
engulf you.

We are thankful that life at this time lets us celebrate your loved one with you.  It’s the least we can do.

Al Johnson 






Details | Free verse | |

Where's The Love

We were taught to shine bright,
But where's the light when we condemn?
Where's the light when we judge?
Where's the light when we don't love?


Details | Free verse | |

Damages and Diseases of the swinging Pendulum mind: Part Three

Let you be I don’t want to hurt you I don’t want to I don’t I don’t I’m so sorry I’m so scared I’m scarred I’m scared I’m sorry You’re always so great to me Always Always I’m nothing but trouble to you Nothing but impending pain and torture Grief and Sorrow Nothing good Nothing good I am so very sorry I’m sorry that I cling to you as a life line That I can’t be strong on my own Like a helpless child I look to you I’m pathetic Useless Horrible I say I’m here for you Yet…am I really? Or do I just think I am Do I just believe that I help you half as much as you do me, But in reality just make things worse I can’t decide I can’t think The pendulum swings faster The ocean tides rise once again I’m drowning in my own doubt I’m drowning in my own paranoia And then there you are Ready to dive in and pull me from the tortures From the ever changing fragments of my mind But you still get hit By a deadly wave By the pendulum And you’re brought down Why do you continuously help me When I just continuously bring you down You could easily just let me drown You could easily leave me be and save your own sanity But you do not You are not like them The people who have left me to be buried You are different You are an angel You save me time and time again And I just wish I could save you I wish I could let you go So you no longer were punished by me So you could be happy Because when you are happy I am happy I feel you I feel what you go through How much I haunt you How I torment you And if I could just release you from that I know you’d be better So much better without me Without my damaged mind But I can’t I can’t I am too selfish I can’t let you go I’d drown I’d die The pendulum swings faster Faster The waves grow The tides get higher Higher Crashing Crashing And then… Your hand reaches mine And everything eases I can’t let you go I should But I can’t I never will be able to I’m too scared too And I’m sorry So very sorry I’m too selfish I’m sorry


Details | Free verse | |

Beg, A Shadow Poem

God... I see you, You see me, God,
Go away, Please stay, Ill pray, My curse
No god, Jesus, Come back, Normal?
Ill justify, Get high, You will ask me, Why? Why try?
All the same, What you see has already came,
Put to shame, By misery, Shallow to my game,
Ill quit, So you will, God, Are you there?
Take my ink, I love you, Please stay, I wont run,
I wont cave, God, Make me brave, Satan's slave,
Buried alive, Slighted, My scars don't go, Everything is slow,
I feel, No, Promises, No, I break, Just a little late, The clouds,
They are shown, But I can't reach, No more tears, God is here,
Help me, Please help me, I can be smacked, Be shoved, No more love,
But you, Please, Dont leave, I need you so bad, These thoughts keep going,
Even when you stop, Things go bad, Stop my breath, You made me,
Till' death due us part, Split, Admit, Ill still love, Go above,
God...


Details | Free verse | |

Disconnection

I'm…
so tired of my heart 
breaking

I'm …
so tired of my hands 
shaking

I'm so tired of my mind
racing

I'm through pacifying 
my disconnection

Do I only love you for who you used to be?
When you said you'd wait for all eternity?
Did you drink away every memory of me?
How am I not everything you’ll ever need?!

I've had to sit down and write this 
to tell you the words i can't speak
When I'm around you now i feel weak
I'm drowning in my disconnection

Where did he go??
You are not the soul I used to know
Where did your memories go?!

Why has the meaning disappeared…
So suddenly
Now I realize I should too

You act like you remember nothing 
I can tell that’s what I mean to you
After all I’ve done for you
All I want is to be emotionless too

In the end I guess it’s what I love the most about you…..
Your disconnection.

[©2012 SLS, this soon to be a new song for It Is Rife With Ambiguity]
www.sorrylittlesharky.com


Details | Free verse | |

So Sorry

Loosing sight as he drifts in the water.
Sinking slowly, silently.
He was swiftly swept of his life,
no warning what so ever!

Yet, the burn of the crying desire,
that was in his body,
was feeding on him from within.
Ripping & feeding on his soul.

The desperate cry for escape,
was stripping his heart
into its ventricle casings,
un-denyingly on purpose.

As if u would be able
to stop it anyway!
While u sit in agony,
helpless & unwillingly fearing, 
for whatever will happen next!


Details | Free verse | |

Seashell Song

I've been stealing secrets
from this little conch
I nabbed from the sea
and sometimes
she whispers songs to me

Last night her melody
was full of sorrow
and the verses 
just yearned to go home
where creatures were familiar
until my grubby hands came along

Oh, they could not resist temptation
her spirit was so pretty
beneath all those pounds of water
so greed denied Shelly's freedom
and took that shiny gem away
now regret floods my pen
with so many I'm sorries
as I listen to another oceanic song 


Details | Free verse | |

Hurt's Don't It?

     Heard all about what she did to you.
New's flash it same thing you did to me.
    I don't feel a bit sorry for you.
Only sorry I didn't get to see your face,
   when she crushed you.
About time you gotten a dose of your own medicine.
   Answer me this.
Hurt don't it?


Details | Free verse | |

April

clouds and sky of April
will become a beautiful zoo
entertain me every afternoon

and plants more friendly
for little feet who walks

the only reason I believe
because fewer contain pain

wherever will go and arrive,
your steps can leave the door


Details | Free verse | |

One day....

Drinking heavily


Calling repeatedly


Ecstasy rising


Time meaningless


Crushing reality


Conscious decisions


Arguing forcefully


Friendship emptiness


Falling away


Is it about time?


Details | Free verse | |

Thoughtless

everywhere i go faces looking
people talking
people screaming

the sad faces
in the wrong places

nowhere to go

darkened rooms
horrible dreams

dead memories
still here to haunt me

if you move on 
the past stays 

a man in my dream
what really happened will be revealed

if i were to lie
i would be in shame
as any human would

after a while you stop thinking
and you just move forward
not knowing what the future holds

but knowing its not good

the horror they live in

the horror of war
the horror of the legends the people start
and the horror of being human


Details | Free verse | |

For 15 minutes.

I will put my half blood in a huge metal can.
Take it for chemical analysis.
So as to see my beliefs and my perception,
my vision and my aspirations.
Those i loved and others i hated.
With my other half i will paint in brick walls.
At the top,maby above all,
i will write these two words.
NO MORE
NO MORE
And then i will go to the store with aquariums.


Details | Free verse | |

Wishing just isn't enough anymore

I wish love was enough.
I thought it was enough, how stupid could I be? 
But what I thought was love is now just a distant memory.
One that got the best of me.
 
It took away my thoughts, my days, and my nights.
Hell, a lot of the time it even took away my apitite.
I lost focus, sleep, and a good grip on the real world.
I was blinded from everything and protected by nothing.
For a while I was stupid enough to believe the lies my heart had told.
 
I thought your hugs said it all,
but now that I can recall, your kiss tasted like diaster.
Now that I've tamed my heart, my emotions are no longer my master.
I had always thought we'd be together one day in perfect harmony,
I realize now that all your words were just lies you fed to me.
 
I thought I was your 'Ride or Die' but now you call me a whore,
I don't even know who you are anymore.
I've been fed lie after lie- I'll call you out on every one, I'm not shy.
So you say you love me, what's your name again?
Why should I believe you, your credbility is a zero out of ten.
 
Don't act like I should feel sorry for you, because I don't.
If I'm the only thing in your pathetic life going right,
shouldn't you try to keep me happy with all your might?
I used to be blinded by the thought of forever, but now you've opened my eyes
    up to see, I don't need you for me to be happy with me.
 
When we fought and I caved, I'd come back and cry "I'm sorry babe, I love you"
Now that I've finally caught you in your lies, you want to say "I'm sorry baby and I love you too"
I used to be blinded by your role,
but I pray for you now because sometimes wishing isn't enough to save a soul.
 
What I thought was love got the better part of me.
But now I'm glad that my heart has made me see
You messed up and I hope you know it; no one will ever love you like I thought I did.
Not even your own kid.
 
Yeah, I know my words hurt, but yours did too.
You lied everytime you said "I love you boo".
At least I'm the one here who has always confessed or told the truth,
I'm so sick of you now I just want to knock out your every single tooth.
 
I used to be blinded by love, 
But now that I'm not, I'm as peaceful as a dove.
I hope these words hurt, and if they do it means I've done my job right.
I'm okay about losing you without a fight.
And to be honest? I'll sleep better from now on at night.


Details | Free verse | |

Stolen Stars

The stars in your eyes,
Glisten like rays from the sun,
Like a picture of the sunrise,
or a bullet-less gun,
They sing like a bird,
And dance like a god,
Yet they speak not a word,
And neither dance, sing or nod,
One look deep inside,
Can make anyone's day,
Attraction yet denied,
There world simply grey,
Possession unrealized,
But only by you,
You see them as a dream,
And dreams don't come true,
Yet everyone's hooked,
On these stars in your eyes,
And everyone looked,
At there almighty size,
And you've got so much attention,
You just lost me in time,
So you'll never hear me mention,
That those stars are mine!


Details | Free verse | |

Mistakes

Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. It's like that feeling you get- where the lights go out- you find yourself once cuddled with love- the true, genuine kind- the kind that helped you sleep at night and if all was going wrong a single hug created that smile, and no matter what is said or done, you always have each other. never alone. neglecting doubt. It's that kind of dread you long for but deny to happen all cause your company is too warming. And in a flash, an instant, everything is gone. It's stolen, ripped away after mistakes- so foolish, so wrong. Those kind of mistakes where you wake up to reality and pray you pray it didn't happen, you live with it. It poisons your guilty veins and rips your soul to shreds and after your paralyzed with regret, you face the reality alone. So alone, restless to the point of starvation, the desperate calls of attention and need to blur it all out, cause when somebody means that much to you, it's not forgotten, it never really is.. It's what you are confronted internally, bleeding your own twisted blood- how could you do such things, over and over again, pushing him away when all along it was your fault. And all along it was you you shoved him out the door, kicked and turned away. And to think pity was at stake- you took it to a whole new level, blaming anyone but yourself. And once the storm passes, guilt eases, it catapults at you full speed. And just when you think it's all over, it was over long ago, it comes back to haunt you was it really love?


Details | Free verse | |

Love vanished

Seven years have passed
since first I married him
Whence he succombed his bride
Yet when I told him of babe we’d due
it felt our love just withered up and died

For the man he changed,
no, the child we had not planned
Pushed me around until to others ashamed I lied
I’d fallen, or bumped myself again,
backed him up, supported him, everything denied.

When babe was born,
I thought we’d learn to love
Try to make things work together with pride
But now cut off from all my friends in time,
it’s nursing I only now that I must bide.

Although I raise our child
I am so sad, my life has stopped,
when they play up I fret that you will chide
and fear that you’ll know not of when to stop
Frightened, huddled close we rock, we hide.

Once grown up, at school a freedom found,
whilst you’re at work – your daily grind.
Lucky new friend we find to guide
us back to safety relieved, released.
Apart, I know head high that I had tried.


Details | Free verse | |

If You Only Knew

Dustin, 
My best friend, My x boyfriend, and the one I’m still in love with.
I know I have a boyfriend and he just happens to be your best friend too, but if I had the chance to tell you everything I would.
You and I still love each other like we did 3 years ago, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
I cant leave my boyfriend because I to scared of everything that will happen. 
I do love him and I do love you, but Who do I love more?
The one weekend I Saw you this year was the best weekend I've ever had.
We walked around like there was nothing else going on in the world.
The biggest smiles on our face, My lipstick on your lips, and the love in our eyes.
You and I even sang together on the park bench for the world to hear.
Shinedown is our favorite band because we both fit like perfect puzzle pieces in all their songs. 
I can't describe the way you made me feel with your big blue eyes, and the way you lifted me up like I was as light as a feather.
I know people might say if I love you so much then why don't I leave him. 
My answer is simple: I'm scared of being hurt… again.
Sure, every girl is sacred of a heart break but this girl? 
The bipolar , depressed, starving, love hungry, emotional, girl isn’t just scared she's terrified.
I do I love my boyfriend, but I don’t know who I love more.
Sure Dustin you broke up with me on my birthday 3 years ago, but we all make mistakes.
So for this years birthday you got me a beautiful “J” necklace, the color of my birthstone.
I know it might not sound like that makes up for it but the way I feel with you makes me feel invincible.
Every night we would go up to the hill, smoke a cigarette, and just hold each other. 
So if I had the opportunity to tell you  one thing that I regret not telling you.
It's that I love you and the way you make me feel more then everything in the whole world... except for Tyler, my boyfriend.
I'm sorry Dustin.


Details | Free verse | |

darkness

darkness settles slowly upon the lost soul
 still moving boundless and within
that sweet twilit night
upon the tender mouth that uttered those words
i fell deeply
never to return
sweet breath of one i love 
never again to be felt
 a gentle kiss leading the mind to believe
a lie you have thrown to me
i thought i knew you well my love
but now darkness does take me
a soul i have lost
unbearable to think
but my life i would give for you
take away the dreaded pain you give me
 for i return your love you once said
in love with a fraud 
ashamed to say
but, like all fairy tales
it had to end someday
darkness swallows the bright soul 
darkness holds the mind hostage
try as i might 
but i cannot sleep at night
for the darkness of your lies has swallowed me whole


Details | Free verse | |

April

April

Admitting that I don’t 
Still care even though it’s not fair
to be without everything
that made me 
exactly what it was to feel
what it was to be real
and now I don’t care anymore

Like the hands on a clock change 
Arms roll loose and free
Never knowing what to grab
Or to even believe in me
To catch a fall from a distance
Even though it’s right next to me
You still can’t believe 
I’d be there for every instance

Rollin like eyes on a face 
too bad the smile’s fake 
showing  mistakes
never seeing through to the truth 
but the words can’t lie 
when it makes the features
turn, to a painful time

Cause the thought remains				
Of how it’s never the same									       How I changed my ways
In these turbulent days
I can’t face now what’s in store
Cause there’s always gonna be that much more
Waiting, and hiding, 
Behind every curve
Like the moonlight
Sitting on the edge of your nerves
Shattering hopes and dreams
Misleading 
And revealing what’s not anymore


When the light shines green
its just to deceive
Even though it’s against
Everything you’ve seen
It’s dark 
Inside the heart
Filled with stains from yesterday’s rain
Leaving what’s left in the distance
And never feeling what’s real anymore
Try to look past the stage, of the rage
Knowing full well that
In this world we dig our own graves

Take me, I can not fight myself
Stretching, a life’s worth is just too much
Saddening, to run from my old self
Causing, a stigma in my eyes 

You hear a chime
Lost in age, 
A match to a time
Before May
When everything was safe

Take everything with a grain of salt cause
In the end it’s no one’s fault
Like assault
On a memory fading in the wind
No matter what it’s still a sin
Just roll with the punches kid
It’ll all turn round in the end


Details | Free verse | |

TO DON CARLSON - MY ROOM DWELLING FRIEND- IN MEMORIUM

So    it's to say as much as    everyone
                                                        eventually
    finds a room to live in
        (my friend    perhaps    sooner than others)
When he walked out    though
                                          out on the town
                                          with generous courage
    confused        a willing joy
When he met our eyes
                                out on the town
    with his runaway own
                                   waiting to share room
I was sorry then
                      sorry now
Not remorseful then
                      not now
    but    hoping    hoping he had a friend in his room
So    gone running    to meet a friend
         (a great throng of friends    to my mind)
    who waited just outside


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

Sorry
To all who loved me
Sorry
If you can't understand
Sorry
If you just wanted to hold me
Sorry
If you’re mystified
Sorry
You couldn't help me
Sorry
You wonder if
Sorry
I couldn't stay any more
Sorry 
I never explained my torturing pain

Sorry
I could not find the words to share
Every unbearable day

Sorry
I'm so tired 
So Sorry
I've had
Enough


Details | Free verse | |

Comparatively Speaking

I left at 6:30 for the 7 pm meeting.
I wanted to be early to find a seat near the speaker.
As I crossed over the bridge on the westside of town
I could see the traffic lights ahead were red.
Something must have happened.  The lights were not changing.
I could see a policeman directing traffic.
He was letting all of the opposite traffic come through;
police cars, fire engines, official cars and then motorcycles,
hundreds and hundreds of motorcycles 
as if there was no end to them.

By this time I was truly angry. 
What was the traffic policeman thinkng?  
Those cyclists could stop as well as we.
They were causing me to miss a very important meeting.

The mystery was solved this morning when the newpaper arrives.
The police were leading an entourage of people
intent on honoring some of the good folks who had 
lost their lives in the service of their country.  
I had been caught in traffic by The Traveling Viet Nam 
memorial war replica. 
They were setting up the wall and there 
would be five days of events and speakers.

I felt the tears start as I read the piece.  
These heroes had given their lives and I
had begrudged them a few minutes.

Soldiers, firemen, policemen, where would
we be without them?

I am clearing my calendar. 
I have more important events
to attend these next five days.

By: Apha Bette  8/26/11


Details | Free verse | |

Ignorant Girl

You love it while it's there.
You have fun with it,
you take it for granted,
and sometimes you don’t even know its there.
And you never truly even know what it is,
because you never care to find out.
You rely on it with your life.
So then it leaves you.
 It's goes,
because of your ignorance.
Because of you never caring about it,
until you doesn’t have it.
Then you realize that you will never have that again,
you realize that it is forever gone.
Never to show its face to you again,
but still you hope with all your heart. 
Because you need it back,
you seek it's comfort.
aAnd you apologize to it,
but because of what you did,
Sorry Just Isn't Enough.


Details | Free verse | |

How Do I Let You Go

What will be
Will be!
I know of this, first hand
Your life was taken away
So abruptly!
I will 
Never forget
That day!
Till the day 
My body dies
And
I am with you, again!

“How was I to prepare myself?”
With 
That kind of 
Life changing, event!
You 
Didn't warn me 
You
Were permanently leaving!
I hope 
You know 
How much “I love you”
Know
You will never be forgotten!

I don’t know 
What 
Has got into me!
Consciously
I feel you
Inside me
I see images
Of your face 
So clearly!
Am I crazy 
To believe in this, my love?

“Are you still with me?”
“Is my imagination 
Playing cruel tricks
Running rampant
As
I talk with you
As if 
You were by my side, right now

In my heart and mind
Your face etched
Imprinted
Like a blue print
That never fades
Your foot prints 
Still remain, beside me
My heart beats
Eternally
Trying to make sense of everything!

Forgive me, my love
For being so strong in my feeling
For it has been a long time
Since I lost you, my friend
Something 
I haven’t
Quite
Got over!

My heart 
Having 
A mind of its own
Aching 
To be with you, still!
To see you
To smell you
To touch you
To taste you
One
Last time!

I want to say “Goodbye” 
Once and for all!
As 
We have
Brought out
The best and worst 
In each other
Rivers run deep
When it comes to you and me!

We have had our fair share of fights and arguments
Stubborn disagreements
All of them
Meaningless
Now
You cease to exist!

I miss your lingering touches
Your hand, stroking my face
Your big, blue eyes
Looking into mine
Your warm lips
Your rough, unshaven face 
The way you
Passionately
Kiss me
While
We make love, till dawn

I miss
All those nights
You kept me 
Safe and warm!
I miss
Your
Loving embrace
I miss
Your
Reassurance!
“Am I ever going to feel the same, with another?”
Just
As 
I felt
In your arms, my love?

How
Do I let you go?
How
Do I set myself, free?
I am ready
To love, again!
With 
‘Our eternal love’
Supporting
And 
Guiding me
Especially
In times, like these!


Details | Free verse | |

To say goodbye

Rosey cheeks and,
 Crimson tears
Dandelions kneel,
    With all of us
A show of respect,
  to the person you were.


Details | Free verse | |

V E R T Y P O

Not
the dripping words from rotund cheeks
Or 
the mesmerized audience in fashionable conferences
Not
the frantic letters pawned from sacred pages
Nor
the cowering force of conviction in hallowed institutes
Neither
the skewed statistics manufactured on swivelling chairs
Abi
omniscient,omnipresent hard-mini-traitors know me
Rather,
I am the brackish fluid in hunger gorged sockets
the menacing cloud in the orphans eyes
the rumblimg rage in growling bellies 
the taut thread on diseased diaphragms
the bloodless taste of conquered cities 
the shriek from stripped streets
the chaos from breadless tables and passionless beds
and the repugnant smell of decaying dreams
I AM POVERTY!


Details | Free verse | |

Numbers Poem 3

Between the glossy panels of my mind 
Thoughts of love children
Puking inside their mother’s wombs
Travel back and forth and back and forth.
What makes you think it is alright to discard my 
Mental capabilities as trifle 
Emotional walls which you would rather stray
Graffiti paint on to camouflage as curtains
of the bedroom the night before and after a hot spell?


Details | Free verse | |

The Toughest Words

The toughest words for anybody to hear
Are the words that some child has been killed
Rather it's out of anger or in cold blood
Especially if they are one of yours!!! 

It's sad to see what's happening to schools today
They are changing everytime there's a shooting at one of them
Schools used to be a palace for learning
But now they are changing into a place where you have to survive. 

It's sad to say that we are losing control of this world
But all you have to do is just take a look around
And you will see that I'm telling the truth
Because we are having children killing children. 

Just think about the pain and terror that goes through
The minds of the classmates and friends of the victims
As they sit there holding and comforting their wounded friends
And what the parents must go through when they find out it was theirs. 


Details | Free verse | |

"Identity"

Gentle, mild, and meek.
Human-strong and weak.

A mask to hide away the pain.
Hard to live with shame.

Good person, good friend.
A ? mark; never seen through to the end.

Chivalry is dead and so is the “good
Samaritan” act.
In this world today, it’s a true, proven fact.

Humble; a little pride, determination is my drive.
If I want things to get better for me,
hope burns on the inside.

Reserved and I move at my own pace.
Steady and slow, less consequences to face.

This is my life; pathetic as it is.
It’s the only one I have; not urs, theirs, hers or his.

I know who I am.
I have too much respect for myself and body; forever condemned.

So if u ask me, 
“Who are u and what I am?

I’ll smile and say, 
			“For I am Poetry!”

Profound, misunderstood, and a lifelong mystery.


Details | Free verse | |

I Am An Actress

I cry and you hear me laughing,
I am angry and you see me smiling,
I pray and you think I live,
I tell you the truth and you don't believe,
I make mistakes and you do not forgive,
I am so week and you say I am strong,
I am right and you say I am wrong,
I look at your eyes and you look at the floor,
I don't want to argue and you want more,
I hate and you flatter,
I suffer and you say it doesn't matter,
I hold out my hand and you clench a fist,
I speak about love and you say it doesn't exist,
I am happy and you do not see it,
I run and you make me to stumble,
I show you my love and you just gamble.
I've got so many masks
and you do not try to take them off.
I am an actress and you are watching a film
which is not on the screen but in reality,
the rest is just formality.

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

  

  

  

Larisa R(Odessa, Ukraine)


Details | Free verse | |

Poison Ivy

Thirteen, deemed brilliant...quite attractive,
injecting her poison through the blood of
countless young boys...

boys...calling her home...riding by...
boys...craving her time...wanting her...

But beyond the intellect, she was insensitive
and, at times, brutal.

"Dance with me."
"No way, you're ugly."

"Would you like to go see a movie?"
"No, you're not my type."

Chased...so she ran as distraught boys with
bruised hearts neither forgot nor...

forgave.


Details | Free verse | |

way back when

A shame we meet here once again both looking to change the past
Its harder now then it was back then how long can it really last
we used to talk till the sun came up shared our fears and dreams
All our memories poured in a tea cup falling apart at the seems
You now me well my thoughts and soul my victorys and shame
but the years have taken there toll i know im  to blame
i broke your heart a hundred times but never meant the pain
I should of seen all the signs but i was much to proud much to vein
every night we sit here like lovers yet we never say a thing
hide me beneath the covers i cant face the guilt your eyes bring
ill never leave you that is true your to much of me im to much of you
a better way i wish i knew you deserve so much more
are love is cold long since dead but still i stand on its tomb
all these regrets in myhead there barely any room
i dont know what the future holds but i know were ive  been even thoe you dont love me ill 
always love you as much as i did when you loved me way back when


Details | Free verse | |

Small Little Victories

If we break life down into small little victories,
It won't be long until the battle is over,
And before we know it,
The war will be won.


Details | Free verse | |

Sisters of hell

You should be caring 
You should love us 
You should have some respect 
You should not ignore us
Sisters…sisters…
You say you’re sorry 
Today comes you’re not sorry at all
Sisters…sisters…
I try so hardly 
But by all means
You don’t try at all
You’re just there to cause us problems
And whine about you’re fake innocence 
To mom and dad?
How pathetic 
How soulless
You’re always there
To gain what’s best for you
And leave 
You change your tones 
Seeking a joke of ours
You get jealous 
Because of us
You team up against me 
So that no one believes me
How pathetic 
How soulless 
You’re never sorry 
Even if you say it 
I try not to waste life
But you try harder to waste it
I try not seeking you’re attention 
And do what mom says 
Then it’s always me 
I’m the bad guy? 
Hell no 
I didn’t do a thing
But thus
They always believe you…
Of you’re fake tears 
They always do…
I’m glad I’m not fake 
Unlike you!


Details | Free verse | |

The death rattle of Jackson Haley

His heart gave a leap of joy,
scrambling up over a wall of memories,
as the leaves quivered in front of him.
On Monday the children were playing at soldiers.
On Tuesday he was playing fast and loose with a girl's affections.
I forgot to give childhood to him and the coat sit badly across the shoulders.
A heart overflowing with gratitude,he was a good man,
came of a good family.
Thinking of grievous loss and bewailing, Jack Haley woke up.
Gale force winds and the boat of souls tossed about on the stormy sea,
a joke and a racking headache of a thousand why.
Silence reigned everywhere at 6.30 in the morning.
He is a law unto himself now as 5 dollars in his pocket suddenly
disappeared.
He never sold himself to the enemy and lights turned on.

He looked at his son with pride,fingered the tie of reputation,
stammered out a few words and then stopped.
Just stopped.


Details | Free verse | |

Rescue

So many faces pressing in
Demands increasingly unsettling
their needs so vast and loud
a cacophony of voices around.

Persistent pleas urgently decreed
so much despair not pausing for air
Drowning in their sorrow I can't-
turn away these souls reaching for hands.

See me now! Hear my call!
No other option I embrace them all.
Sinking in these turbulent waves..
Searching for grounds high enough to save...

Me! Who could hold this many?
To drag to shore their burdens 
so vast-I scream- I need-
I flee to those mountains of peace

High on these peaks I weep...
For the weight of responsibility I feared to keep.


Details | Free verse | |

Slighted Apology

My words to you are formulated slowly, excruciatingly, drawn out.
I do not know how to make you understand and so
It all ends up in a jumble
Each word rushing over the next in their haste to escape my clumsy tongue.

In silence I wait
Regretful eyes trained to awkward toes
While you shove it all back down my throat.


Details | Free verse | |

Disease

It runs through the blood, like savages,raping and pillaging.
Killing everything in its path.
It is called by many names, destruction is its purpose.
The warriors are silent.
The greed is strong, the city lay dead.
The graves are full and the savages grow stronger.


Details | Free verse | |

Too Drunk To Drive

Rain soaks me as i watch them walk away, heads hung, tears flowing.
They can't change my fate anymore than i can move.
I try to cry out and tell them it wasn't my fault, i swear i didn't do anything wrong.
But i can't and i will never get the chance.
I never saw it coming, now these eyes will never see again.
The second the cars collided is the second my life ended.
The minute i saw the car swerving, driving way too fast, was the last minute i 
spent on this earth.
The hour that boy started drinking, the countdown on my life began.
I know he didn't intend to kill me or hurt my family as he did.
He didn't know those beers, the answer to his problems, would be the end of my 
life.
He didn't think he was too drunk to drive.


Details | Free verse | |

last chance

’m sorry you can’t trust me
And won’t ever let me back in
I’m sorry you don’t believe in me
And that I could not win

I’m sorry for not being perfect no one is perfect
not even me 
And im sorry i wasnt able to break your fears
I’m sorry for messing up your life
And causing all your tears

I’m sorry I can’t fix it
And make you want to stay
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough
And now I have to pay

I’m sorry I ever doubted it
And made you second guess
I’m sorry I was so stupid
You haven’t seen the worst of me yet


Details | Free verse | |

Pai I Miss You

Today I came across your picture, I almost shed a tear.
I faced the mirror, dug for resemblances of your features in my mixture.
There is no doubt you are my father
and I don't want to alter the design of our feather.
 
I am your son, from your loins I was made in your way.
Many clashes under the sun, but we never joined the fray. 
As I slept, we laid adjoined, you held your baby every day.
But Time held the other side of the coin; from your hugs, I drifted away.
I know we not as close, and we barely express our love when we feel the urge to convey.
But you are my father, you are my mentor, every night, for me, you pray.
 
I imagine the good times life stole from us when I look into your tired eyes.
You still hold that beautiful smile, when you lift your head to the skies.
Age has caught up with you and you always  repeat your life stories to me.
I show little interest because I am a slave to this pernicious phone and PC.
But I want to hear more, and you ask for me to visit often.
I feel bitter I barely show up. But your stories will not be forgotten.
 
I miss seeing you tear with joy when I come visit. 
We shake hands because we forgot a hug and a kiss is our limit.
I pray to hug you longer before the breath of life leaves one of us.
With your presence, affection and wisdom my soul needs to be encompassed. 
 
I do not hate you, I am not vexed with you, that is a plan I never wrought.
I feel that is what I manifest and that guilt left in me a vacant slot.
I just want to take this moment to reveal my inner thought.
I love you, I need you, and Father, I miss you A LOT.


Details | Free verse | |

Callous eyes

Callous 

Every tiny things matter in a young world, 
and then with callous eyes, he is used to pick
days and nights as they pass him, as they pass beyond.

Sometimes he panics, fears that she’ll go away 
and he won’t feel any ache, just be watching her
moving away, erasing; looking at the place
where she has been seen last; with covert anger.

A tiny butterfly flies, in and out, in and… 
the patch of rain raises smells, smells of musty dusk.
The callous eyes follow the hands clutching heart 
where past is blending in pains and agonies.  
=© 2009 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar


Details | Free verse | |

Collateral Damage

Your death was unneeded Of course it doesn’t matter Your birth was never supposed to be He knew that…but kept it secret anyway But the burning wrath took your life Nothing but dying embers Remain of your once Hopeful life Your ways were usually unorthodox Your character not normal for our kind The other hated you But I loved you After all you are my son I’m sorry for my betrayal But I’m glad to have known you For as long as I have I’m sorry I never told you the truth That I never told you who I was But that would have had complications In the end though I still failed to keep you safe And now all that I have left Of you Is a picture Safe in my mind Forever there To haunt my dreams


Details | Free verse | |

I wish you did

You talk about how you can never find her,
or how you can't seem to keep one around
I try to hide the fact that I am that girl,
because I know that in your eyes I'm not.
You say that you want a girl that laughs at all your jokes,
 If you notice,
I do.

I let you cry on my shoulder, EVERY time you get hurt. You say that you want a girl that you need a girl, that's there for you when you need her One that makes you laugh when you don't want to. A girl that you can be yourself around.
If you notice, I'm her. If you notice, I'm everything you said you want. Do you notice? Not one bit.
But I wish you did.


Details | Free verse | |

To fix this broken bridge

These cinders fall to the waters below,
I am lost, scared, alone,
She felt the urge to burn it and burn it she did,
And here I am… alone, alone.
As my heart pumps and lurches forth 
I feel the calm – the urge, “Let go”
This Anniversary… alone, alone.

I confide a hero I could have been
But these ashes and charred remains
Only fall to the sea of brokenness and disappointment
The distance of this canyon only grows
And her green eyes disappear... she fades
“I love you i really do…” she claims from the arrow’s note
“sorry again” I falter… I crumble…
Alone… 


Details | Free verse | |

Just a Letter to Say Thanks

Dear Gloria, 
I’m writing in the hope that you are well
and that your little munchkins	
 have all their known limbs in-tact,
as now I’m sure their father’s head is just 
bubbling,
how lush it must be to live in you
lush lush lush
your husband, whom by the
way I haven’t seen in a while,
pinch his bottom for me with your eyes
as I do at dinner parties, painting your house a 
sweet thick syrup of red, must be proud
proud proud proud.
I hear your washing machine is on the blink again, 
call a man out- I always did.
You must think me crazy.
For I did get the letter, you’re so sorry in, and must
be so sorry you sent, regarding your ****ing of
my husband
I’ll now be sure to trade him in for a newer model,
Thank You.


Details | Free verse | |

MIND-LESS

        

I apologize for being no LESS then myself. What was I thinking, wait maybe that’s the problem I 
was thinking, there I go again using my MIND, my bad.
I’m sorry I took that other road, u know the one LESS traveled, I know I should have followed the 
crowd but there I go again being an individual, it’s a habit.
The guilt from not giving in to peer pressure is getting to me, I hate my conscience I mean Why I 
got to have morals? Don’t nobody else got them, and if they do they shoal ain't using them. 
I hate being in the talented tenth, people expect me to do something with my life 
I have an idea (don’t tell anybody, that’s not cool) maybe if we MINDed not having a MIND we 
would spend more of our time growing instead of showing, that we are a photo copy of what is 
cool, the truth is nobodies alike, I don’t even breathe like anyone else, when I walk I do this thing 
where my head is held high it kind of resembles pride. there I go again being intellectual, forgive 
me it won’t happen again.


Details | Free verse | |

WAS IT ME

Is it tonight,that i feel like
whatever i did, wasn't right
and all i tried, was to see u smile
whatever i did was to make u mine

Now here I am with nothing to spare
All i wished for was - the shade of care....
I want an answer, I need your reply
was it me girl who made you cry?

All these blames i won't deny,
being away from you was a crime.
And all those nights, I wasn't asleep
cuz i was filled with remorse & guilt
I want an answer,i need your reply
was it me girl who made u cry?

Those blue clouds have turned to grey
girl I'm missing u still today.
Its been too long since we talked
all alone on that boulevard I've walked
I still remember that day when u walked away
leaving me behind, in a disarray
with all my faith, i still pray 
to bring u back in my life - even for a day,
so that i can apologize for my mistakes.
we can start over again if we will try,
but it wasn't me girl who made u cry..............


Details | Free verse | |

only the good

bald child
smiling
for a paper crane

nightly
prays for others

the sun to her
is everyday
and smiling

and mightily
she smiles
after every chemo

stoic hide
tries to hide
her child why's
and whimpers

'cuz smiling 
is more her style

and i
search for words
not smiling

what do you-
how to say-
tell a little child
her momma
has gone away
        gone home
and little girl
you're all alone


Details | Free verse | |

Diary Of Lost Love Part 3, Dedicated to a Lady

She finally tore down what we built
like rolling stones got our hearts
tripping over the hill.
Like a mountain
we finally reached the mountain peak.
Our love fountain
ran out of water
so I never stop to take a drink.
A deep emotion
going through my body
beating on my heart.
A deep emotion
telling me that the rapid beats
will never stop.
I kissed her lips
I kissed her cheeks
and told her the lovely truth.
I rubbed her back
massaged her feet
and told her that I'm forever loving you.
She looked away and walked away
like she never cared.
I chased her left and chased her right
throughout the years.
I caught up to her and finally
grabbed her hand.
Baby girl loving you is my only mission
and my only plan.
So love me kind and love me dearly.
Save me the last dance.
So love me kind and love me yearly
all over again.
They say your ex
is an example of what you don't deserve.
Well my ex I truly loved her
but somehow I found a way
to love to hurt her.
Baby girl I don't deserve ya
I know it's hard but I'm not perfect.
I know you love me
am I worth it?
The pain is unkind
but my heart is burning
and I'm yearning for your love.


Details | Free verse | |

Metaphysical cutup

It is not that I love you less
When first my lines of heavenly Joyes
made mention 
	through regions farr divided 
see with what simplicity 
      see! With what constant motion
Philosophers have measured mountains 
Man, dreame no more of curious mysteries
	Oh wearisome condition of humanity !
Oh might Nothing ! Unto thee 
O Joyes ! Infinite sweetness! With what flowers
	
	Must I then see, with what busie heart 
	Heare mee, O God!
Blasted with sighs, and surrounded with teares
				Busie old fool , unruly sunne
    Absent from thee I languish still 
O sweet and bitter monuments of paine
	Out upon it , I have lov'd  
Sweet day , so cool , so calm , so bright 
	where do these voices stray 
like to the falling of a starre
Poet and Saint ! To thee alone are given
A ward , and still in bonds, one day

All my past life is mine no more 
	How vainly men themselves amaze
dazel'd thus with height of place 
	Here lies wise and valiant dust.


Details | Free verse | |

Life's a gift

Life is a gift. 
So I want you to enjoy it. 
If I'm holding you back.
 I'm sorry.
 Go be free
 To what's best for you.
 Don't worry about me.


Details | Free verse | |

Dying Slowly

Here i am
There you are
Where are we?

The static hurts my ears
The same through all these years
Everything has changed
But something is the same

How can i go on?
A heartless shell of i
Stolen by your light
The darkness' drawing nigh
Without you in my life
I would rather die

Here, it's now
Though i war against the present
And the hollow future

Ice age coming
Filled with sorrow and regret
Time is running out
Is it over yet?

On the spot
Now
I try to count the blessings that I've got
But your curse is haunting me
And i'm thankful for your ghost
What would i do without you?
How could i ever see?

If i have one regret
It's doing you wrong
Never should have left
I tried to make amends
Only my failure succeeds
I miss you so, old friend
I would die for you, again
I love you more than me

MAYbe you're right
In all the wrong ways
Or maybe it's me
Or maybe it's just life
But i cannot seem to see
The good that came from this
I know we've grown apart
But somehow
I know
We're still connected

maybe it's just something more than we can comprehend
maybe, someday, we both will understand


I will see you in the next life...


Details | Free verse | |

Dementia

My heart is overflowing, my time with you a pleasure.
No need to thank me for the flowers.
You'll be ok.

My time is of a premium, not enough to go around.
Why do you not look me in the eye.
Are you alright.

My head feels tight. It's pounding and pulsating.
Why do you ask over and over.
It's not your fault.

My red eyes sting from crying and sleep. No sleep.
Why are you shouting. I'm trying to help you.
You're not to blame.

My patience is dwindling. Nerves stripped raw.
Why does everything I do and say upset you so.
You cannot help it.

My head is imploding. My chest heaving. My control lost.
Why are the slippers no good. They are a perfect fit. I wanted you to love them.
Can you please try a little harder.

My mind feels unattached. My heart is heavy.
Why are you not shouting any more.
I'm sorry.


Details | Free verse | |

PAIN

PAIN


It was another tormented night
Hurting you was a hobby
The same old lines
The same old reasons
Nothing’s change except
The pain is getting worse

Those words again
Like a double edge sword
Either way of how I say it
It hurts so much the same way
As yesterday

Those ending messages that night
Hanging you to nowhere
The questions that leaves you breathless
Thinking if it’s worth trying
Or simply give up

That pathetic attitude for million times
As you remember
Funny, cause you find it hard
Tracing the reasons behind
As what you always does
Be in silence

Those tiring provocative questions 
Challenging your patience and your feelings
Will you stay or walk away
Just to end this pantomime again?

I’m sorry for that night
I was tired and unreasonable
I say words I didn't mean
But I know that once uttered 
It cannot be erased
That was just my 
Unjustifiable pride by the way

I’m sorry for that phrase-
Again I’m sorry for 1001 times now,
I am giving you all the reasons 
To be mad 
Because I am guilty for being
Mean most of the times
-But I love you still no matter what

I’m sorry for those hanging messages
The truth is-
I was just exhausted & have fallen sleep
I can’t think and I am illogical
But I know it will never be an excuse

I’m sorry for my attitude
For I know it hurts you so much
I’ll be surprise if not
Because I know how much I meant to you

I’m sorry for you have to feel that way
Feelings could turn into a beast
That could crushed your heart and your soul
Leaving you-
Lifeless

I’m sorry for all these things
But I tell you one thing
To know that you are in pain-
Tears my heart away

Each morning as I wake up
I remember that nightmare
And it hurts me when I realized
I wasn't dreaming…#


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

It stings to speak
When I remember the taste
Of your bitten skin
When I remember how
Your fists struck the wheel
As you drove in the rain
your soft face, caked with salt

When I speak
every toe clenches,
everything crashes, 
my thoughts turn to you

and I remember…

 How I reveled in pitching coals,
Watching each hot word
meet it’s mark
My fiery tongue 
Uprooting and mottling
your deep healthy heart with insecurity

My sickly smile
Spreading with an inapt pride
Over a mess, 
my red hands
my “justified” rage…

I was thought I was queen,
a delegator,
but I was just too wrong to know
Though words lend me no help
they sting in my mouth
they will never be enough
and though it is nothing now,
I’m sorry.


Details | Free verse | |

Damages and Diseases of the swinging Pendulum mind: Part One

Back and Forth Back and Forth My cruel mind goes Like the deadly pendulum It swings some more Entrapping those that come around Back and Forth Back and Forth Like the tides of the frozen ocean Anger Love Sadness Hatred Back and Forth Back and Forth Unable to stop Continually altering my thoughts Causing me to cause problems When there should be none When I should only hold you up I drag you down Then I push you up I pull you down And again and again This deadly pendulum swings Again and again I lift you up I pull you down Again and Again My mind changes Over and over And I drown you in my torturous disease Capturing you inside the tides of my mania The fires of my hell You are trapped And I only hurt you Only hurt you Hurt you Swinging, swinging Like the deadly Pendulum I am nothing but pain for you Nothing but pain Nothing but pain Pain Pain Changing like the tides Like a wave My mind bounces around Like a ball A flying butterfly It is never still Never still Never still Your strength is amazing I view you as flawless You’ve dealt with me For so long This deadly swinging pendulum You take in stride You’ve learned to float amongst the waves Live with the gnashing of bloody waters To hold onto the shred of humanity That you still believe I have And I thank you for that I thank you, For keeping me in your good graces Despite my chaotic mind Despite my disease My My what? What can it really be called? All are just excuses Excuses for me to keep that dangerous Pendulum swinging I can’t control it though I don’t know how I am so weak So worthless And I cling to you For sanity For my life I shouldn’t But I do You are my life line I am so small So nothing without you The tides become rougher The tides become meaner I can’t stop it I can’t control it The tears roll down my cheeks I have lost all control Ha As if I ever HAD control


Details | Free verse | |

Lost Hope for a Broken Soul

When I think about things that are gone and passed
I mourn for the things that did not last
I feel the hurt and tears that fell
I cannot get free, trapped in this Hell
The fires of memories lick at my flesh
Burning up tears that I thought would always last
Coal black eyes, you can see my soul
I gave up everything, everything for a mole
But such rich eyes…
They beckoned me in, promising me everything
Using all of my sin
My heart still aches
My soul still bleeds
To hear that voice
So honey sweet
And yet I let you hold the knife
Feel you twist it in my back, and I never seem to fight
The blood starts to rip, taking with it some hope
That one day I will stop this nonsense
And take that one last fatal blow
But no, not to him
I want him to stay in perfection, I never can harm him
The knife is for me, to mortify my own flesh
Let the blood pour, like my tears once did
Maybe then he will understand
I regret the mistakes made
But no matter what, I would always belong to him 


Details | Free verse | |

To make you happy

I was a wrong
up until now

I'm not strong
still keep my heart in sorrow

I don't know how long
for me to find a better tomorrow

I still don't know
how to make you happy

this heart of stone
it's hard to brake

i'm feeling frown
i'm lost in tracks

if you think i care less
if you think i'm heartless
then you are wrong

to make you happy
is one of my dream
to make you glad
is what i'm after

I'm sorry if i make you cry
I'm sorry if i can't be what you want me to be
I'm not hopeless, i just need to hold on to my faith
God knows my plan, my hope, my dream
is to make you happy

so, mom...
I love you, I wouldn't let anything to hurt you
If you're not satisfied with my life, please pray for me
hold on to me
hopefully i can find my way in life
to make you happy.

 


Details | Free verse | |

Games Over!

Game over we both lose,
for now there are no winners.

Only broken familes with broken dreams,
on a lonely quest for love and happiness.

I who understood you best,
did not understand you enough.

You failed to let me totally in,
now we are just friends.

Nothing more or nothing less,
living dreams of happiness we held our breath.

Only to come seconds near our very death.
Now we are nothing more than mere memories.

In hope we made the choice that best.
As we acknowledge we failed the test.

We broke promises and hearts  along the way.
As we promised ourselves forever to stay.

Together as one, not solo as two.
We now fill our own shoes.

As we begin to recover,
transitioning to friends from lovers.

The road was never easy,
but we fought the storms.

Only to be swept by the winds,
now we both loose hopefully as parents we win.

Raise our child unlike we were raised.
Help our daughter see better days.

Hope her realize she doesn't need a "nigga" but a man,
to help her pursue her happiness and understand.

I pray daily you'll see the light.
I just have no more will power to even fight.

I used up all of my might,
trying to help you appreciate and love life.

Maybe I'm wrong for giving up it all,
but when was right who fumbled the ball.

We will not talk as must as we use to talk,
but hopefully for our child we walk the walk.

I hope you undestand this was for the best.
Now I lay my pen to rest.

Whenever you need to cry I'll kend you my shoulder!

But for now!

GAMES OVER!


Details | Free verse | |

Before She Grew

You put your hand
Where it should not be
You showed her things
She should not see
You took her to years
Before her time
You made her hate
What she didn't understand

Before she grew
A young life stained
Before she grew
A childhood to forget
Before she grew
Nightmares rehearsed
Before she grew
So much sadness engrained
Because of you

Before she grew.


Details | Free verse | |

End it All

End my life Take it away Throw upon me all that I deserve Curse this irrational anger of mine Pour acid upon my jealousy Blind my paranoia and slice me into pieces The one that means the most I hurt the most Why What the hell is wrong with me My best-friend tormented and tortured because of me of me of me WHY? I did not ask for this for her She did not need this Take away my life End it Take the darkness away from her Take me away Before I damage her beyond repair I am a failure I am worthless I mean nothing to everyone I am useless I am like a wild fire Destructive and hateful I do not benefit anyone I only harm I am sorry But I do not understand this poisonous anger And why it has to be directed towards my dearest My most special friend The only one to have stuck around me No matter what and I do this Why What the hell is wrong with me It is time to end it all Remove the evil from the earth Remove myself Ease her burden I’m sorry


Details | Free verse | |

One more chance

         -One more chance-
Ill do all that i was afraid to do
I will face whatever i was afraid to
Ill mend all the risky things that i destroyed
Ill smile at places i never enjoyed
Ill say the words I couldn't say
when i had the chance ill duly pay
Ill pay all my dues and leave not one a dept
Ill wake up all i left where we slept
And explain to them how sorry I am.
Ill lead them to light and bid them come
Ill do all this, all i need is one more chance.


Details | Free verse | |

Decide

You act like you know desire					
But you know nothing
About true passion,
Few really do.

I don’t want this-						      	
To give up a soul?
In hopes for life?
Why, this is hire and salary, not revenge!

A life for life?
In the end
Neither really matters.						     
But on that day
When the eyes of something
Greater
Look down upon a powerless frightened mouse
They will feel shame.   						     

All of us have been instructed
But none are golden, or pearl
The white in your heart matches the white on your sleeve,
But I am pigeon-livered and lack gall!

Neither you nor I can alter tonight				      
But choices-
This choice,
Will so bestow ourselves that seeing unseen.

And it’s true 
That inside							      
Will be dark and frigid
And cold

But light will rein down
Outside
Or so one can hope						      
If they can believe
In what they are told.

In the end,
Both will lie in ruin.
Purgatory						      	      
Will slowly consume
What was once thought
Noble.

I do believe 
No penance							    
Shall repay you
What will soon be lost.

I am wretched, for
I hold my duty as I do my soul-
With uncertainty, and hate.					     
Both should not be, 
And both haunt what is left of me.

To be or not to be, that is the question
We both must answer.						     
Yet, no answer 
Can save us.
And so, I have 
Decided-
No answer.							     


Details | Free verse | |

A SOUL DYING

The valley of Rainbow Border Dahlias

It is calmed tonight. The voices of people

Once upset and decorative given the nature

The best of Calla Lilies' funeral

While the moon pallid and pregnant

Is blazing around the horizon and flowing over fat clouds.

Across the street where that happened

Stella d'Oro Daylilies her name has been written

With candle lights: A teenage had died.

A sweet soul, a local reporter has said.

A figure of her stands up. With accusatory finger

To the vast God leaving nothing to be

Confused with! He killed me!


On the streets, they can see only cats and filthy dogs.

They are injecting and relating. They are out

In host hunting butterflies whose smell

Spread over the last earth's life.


Look! That is the girl. She’s painless with a sense of lost

Using her tropical ability to remember you and I

She cannot be alone. She seems to communicate

With rotten organism or the simplicity

That perturbs and penetrates the quietness of a bee.



San Fernando Valley, May 12, 1990


 


Details | Free verse | |

Silence Kills

i wrote that i was lucky just the other day
 
yet i cant express how i feel verbally
 
i wish there was a cure so i can say
 
what my heart  is deeply feeling everyday
 
when i get the spotlight i freeze in freight
 
i end  up hurting you and that isnt right
 
i whisper how im feeling cause i know you cant hear
 
when the time comes my words disappears
 
im sorry but it seems i cant change
 
maybe im copping out or just plain afriad
 
i really do trust you but i cant seem to let go
 
i wish i wasnt holding back so i can tell you so
 
i always feel dumb when you ask me how i feel
 
because i say nothing when thats not how i feel
 
my heart starts to pound like im running in a race
 
you repeat your question and its like im stranded out in space
 
im sorry that im treating you so unfair
 
you deserve better and me expressing how i feel
 
whenever you tell me that its "cool"
 
more and more i feel like a fool
 
i wish it wasnt so hard for me
 
because i truly want you to truly see
 
that i care just as strongly for you like you care for me...


Details | Free verse | |

Letter 11

She 
Screams 
It’s silent

Was it important?
No
Except to rack her lungs

Sleep well girl 
And your wild words will mean more in the morning
In the morning you will look just as beautiful 
You know

She has a habit of scratching at her newfound glory
And her black curls 
She has a tendency of not believing her reflections
Eyes 
Even when they blink before her

Before her…
There were folded hands
And hushed mouths 
There were undiscovered truths and loves who
Told lies
Untouched lips and virginal thighs

Before her…
There were perfect sheets and 
No questions asked
Straight A’s 
Innocent smiles given to anyone
Who seemed worthy

But she meant it


Details | Free verse | |

Nobody Knows

Walking quickly,
Feeling uneasy.
I think to myself,
I must be going crazy.
I look over my shoulder,
But not soon enough.
Two hands grab me from behind,
'Don't scream' the voice is tough.
I try to pull away,
To get out of his grasp.
He pulls me hard,
I fall with a gasp.
He puts his knee, 
In the center of my back.
I'm still dazed from the fall,
All I see is black.
He rips off my hoodie,
And most of my shirt.
'If you don't move,
Then you won't get hurt.'
He pulls at my jeans,
I whimper and cry.
My pants are now off,
And thrown to the side.
He grabs at my hair,
Tells me to roll onto my back.
I'm frozen with fear,
My whole body goes slack.
He slaps the back of my head,
I do as I'm told.
I try and see his face,
In his eyes I see cold.
He puts a hand around my throat,
With all of his force.
Leans close to my face,
His voice is rough and coarse.
'I don't want to hurt you,
And I will be quick'
I was scared to death,
I almost got  sick.
He reaches for his pants, 
He can't get them undone.
He silently curses,
I wish I had a gun.
He is finally free,
And rips away my under ware.
He moves to enter me,
Evil in his stare.
I finally make my move,
A knee hard in his crotch.
He barely even flinched,
I thought all was lost.
I make one more move,
A fist to his left ear.
He let out a howl,
I almost cheered.
I keep throwing punches,
And kicking with my knees.
He's fighting back,
I start to scream.
I scratch at his face,
Got a good chunk of his lip.
Blood is everywhere,
But he's still got a grip.
I'm losing the battle,
Between man and mouse.
How can this happen,
So close to my house?
I hit him again,
And he falls to his side.
I push him away,
I should run and hide.
But anger has taken over,
I want one more hit.
I move in front of him,
On his head I spit.
He grabs for my leg,
But I am too quick.
I kick him in the head,
And wish I had a brick.
He falls to the ground,
From on his knees.
All I hear from him,
Is a hoarse wheeze.
I turn and run away,
My house is real close.
There was nobody home,
So nobody knows.


Details | Free verse | |

The Shore Awaits

My head is heavy
with loneliness
as i sail into the moon
watching my reflection
run in circles
over and over i see
the deepest part of me
become lit with enmity
and endless misery
for it's difficult to look forward
when you live in a memory
and it's hard to kill 
the voices that torture you
when those voices
come from your own mind
Why must I
hurt myself so?
hoping for a better tomorrow
when i make it
so it never shall be so?
I must find a way
to outsmart my sadness
to look past my own
imperfections
to let my feelings go
to let go of my fear
and to finally let go
of the thought of finding
a better world
So from this day forth
and this night that is to fall
I will set my sail forever
I will never stop moving forward
and i shall ride the lightning
and swim in the tsunami
because i can overcome 
any odds that i already have not faced
I will find the land and shores of bliss
just speaking of the thought
makes me taste the sands 
of times to come
follow me into the abyss
and i promise
the shore awaits


Details | Free verse | |

oh

I confessed
zero tolerance
im in to deep


Details | Free verse | |

Little Annoyances

I feel I‘m the reason For our eventual separation And I’m sorry. Sorry for every little annoyances The petty irritating nuances All the painful sideways Glances That I’ve ever given. And the fact that I’ve lost you I’m sorry. To our falling apart And me not meeting Your ultimate needs For this I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Entrant into Michael J. Falotico's "Where's The Blame" contest 9/19/2012


Details | Free verse | |

World Cutup

what from the founder Aesop fell
	vital spark of heavenly flame
	unto my thinking thou beheld'st all works

	Who ever weeps somewhere out in the world
	Yellow butterflies 
A dream of Venus 
	let nothing disturb thee
	music first and foremost of all
Mystical Strains unheard 
No, I am not, as other are 
since I am convinced 
	hoping all the time 
I arise from dreams of thee 
	Here , Where the world is quiet 
	For many thousand ages 
	Break Break Break 
Even 
	Far as Man can see 
lest you should think that verse shall die 
	A Thing which fades 
	I found at daybreak yester morn 
 low on chromed cloud 
		open to me 
		Remember what past 
Pity! Mourning plaintive tone 
Since I am convinced 
	That time , I see you passing by 
Thou art one , The first of every number and foundation of every structure 
	Break Break Break.


Details | Free verse | |

Roses

Roses

I cut the petals off of a rose
To see if I could feel alive
But I faltered
I forgot to cut off the thorns
And they cut my hands open
Setting the rose down
I realized how twisted I had become
I'm a demon
With the mask of an angel
Declaring
That I wasn't at fault
When truly
Everything was my fault
The rose has slowly died
Because of my hands
Because of the darkness within
The thorns are still there
More pronounced than ever
But this rose
Will never live again


Details | Free verse | |

Diary Of Lost Love Part 2, Dedicated to a Lady

She act like she cares
but she doesn't care at all
love is something she fears
but what is she fearing for....?
She said that she loves me
but that was all a lie.
If you truly loved me
then you would look me in my eyes.
I'm not a fallen angel
or a devil in disguise.
I'm nothing like the temperature
but I want our love to rise.
Our love was so hot
but now it's feeling cold
they called us Adam and Eve
but now were the Princess and the Toad.
Baby girl your so beautiful
I never ever lied.
Baby girl your so wonderful
I love that sparkle in your eyes
but when you left me
the pain corrupted my mind
but when you left me
I wanted to rewind time
to go back and love you
one last time.


Details | Free verse | |

Self- analyzing

I wrote this poem five minutes ago
And five minutes later  I was just wondering what happened
In my head to write this particular poem

Why does this poem really?
Why I did not write a short story or a Bio
When the heroine is  having a monster babe
Or my Mother as a whore by the time I was 12?

What was inside my head that made me to create
It into a format most of us do not dare to cross?
Could be different if I’ve been drawn
A phallus on a black sheet and burned it under my feet? 

Like this:

	The moon peers between
	My hairs toward the shadows
	And by the black clouds
	This motion wasn’t in my hands.

I know … I know…
I am thinking now more that a fool
Than a man dying with pain.


Details | Free verse | |

Regrets

We had a fight, a huge war.
The war in which I walked out the door.
I lay in the road, blood soaking my shirt.
I lay there dying and extremely hurt.
The ambulance comes and rushes me to the ER.
You quickly follow in your car.
Laying in the darkness oh so smooth.
Praying and wishing what I heard wasn't the truth.
The doctors rush me into a room,
they won't let you in yet but they say soon.
You start to shake and you start to pace.
You cry and you scream "why her" as your heart starts to race.
You can't calm down no matter how hard you try.
You continue to shake and weep and cry, not ready to say goodbye.
I want to come back, emerge from the darkness,
and give you my heart back and complete forgiveness.
I finally awake and see you there.
You start to cry and kiss my hair.
I tell you I love you and I don't want to lose you.
You pull me close and tell me you love me too.


Details | Free verse | |

Mine but Not

I should love you.

But I cannot.
You're a stranger.

What did you do wrong?
Nothing.

You're mine 
But you're theirs.

I gave you to them.
I do not deserve you.

Child.
Poor abandoned child.


Details | Free verse | |

A Belated Apology

I’m sorry Miss,
That I was so shy before
That I never called you on my own
That I was too young to think ahead

I’m sorry Miss,
That after all the travels and the time spent
That I wouldn’t stay for your birthday
That I only thought of myself

I’m sorry Miss,
That we started losing touch
That we were so close always
That we grew up together

I’m sorry Miss,
That I didn’t see you for years
That it happens to everyone
That I thought it was once okay

I’m sorry Miss,
That when I did see you,
That I avoided an awkward moment
That I even thought it would be uncomfortable

I’m sorry Miss,
That even if you didn’t care
That I can’t help but think about it daily
That it was the last time I’d see you

I’m sorry Miss,
That I ruined our last conversation
That I jumped on assumption
That it was never fair what happened to you

I’m sorry Miss,
That I can’t even be strong for you
That I still remind myself everyday 
That I could have said goodbye

I’m sorry Miss,
That still I think of myself
That I feel sorry for my own choices
That I cried when I tried to talk about you

I’m sorry Miss, 
That you went through what you did
That you missed out on a lifetime
That I miss you, even though I didn’t know you anymore


Details | Free verse | |

Unabiding Ritualistic Radiation

A ritual born as radiance toils straight forth from my center eye threatening to overshadow everything that you are like a bad cancer that takes life from afar that takes back what was never given and return what was never there as a sign you truly care if not now when, how and where? I can't feel back very long I can't send back what went wrong I can't sense that in a fog that's encircling so many pawns A blue baby is always sad just maybe there's more to that his happy gland broken, he hopes it back pick up the pieces then glue them intact I am more than a maybe but less than a yes more better than average yet far from best at least not the worst its reserved for a time when I give up trying and pay all an unpaid mind A care these days is hard to give a bad decision is hard well lived a stare unknowing to spark a burst that sets off a chain into random verse that starts a seance of heavy chanting until blood and sweat build from heavy panting I'm alive, survived where others fell went in and came out of the wishing well with more than just a fist of pennies I let loose a wish so pretty it will radiate now for years to come why do I wait forever when twenty eight years have come and gone?


Details | Free verse | |

so sorry

im so sorry
i cant be with
you right now
im a thousand
miles away
im so sorry
that you cant
cry on my shoulder
right now because
you found out your
boyfriend cheated on
you with your best friend
im so sorry i cant help
you with your problems
but i promise im am 
watching over you  tonight
im so sorry if i hurt you
to if i did i didnt mean to
i will always love you
no matter what happens
i cant stand it when you
cry because your hurt
that makes me want to cry
with you but im so sorry
i cant because im in heaven
watching over you like i promised


Details | Free verse | |

Need You, Sometimes

I'm sorry- I
Just need you,
Sometimes-
I don't know
Why- but
Could you 
Just let me
Do that-
Need you-
Sometimes?


Details | Free verse | |

i'm sorry i haven't been on

this isn't a poem, i should be on here more, because i am still writing, and still loving writing, so i know this seems stupid because i doubt i really have fans other than people who have heard more of my poems, but im going 2 try 2 be back on here more


Details | Free verse | |

Sex Sacrifice

People have sex everyday.
People have sex in everyway.
People have sex everywhere.
Then people make choices that are never fair,
After they have sex something arises.
Then it turns into a sex crisis.
They should just simply call it "Sex Sacrifices".
People are quick to have sex while dating.
Instead of waiting.
Leaving them with a child seed.
Waiting to be concieved.
But in awe this you cannot believe.
Now you begin thinking there will now be two mouths to feed.
And maybe God's words you should of heed.
Should this child be born maybe,
I can get abortion, or in other words just kill this baby!
Is this murder I don't know?
But this child cannot and will not be able to grow.
Becuase I'm not ready yet.
I just wanted to get a little wet.
Now I'm in a predictament.
Because I just wanted to experiment,
With fire.
I thought I would not get burned.
I guess this is the lesson I needed to learn.
I guess this is the punishment I must now deserve.
What should I tell my mother?
I can't even say I may love.
Because it was just sex to someone not even my lover.
I didn't expect him to break the rubber!
I don't know what kind of father he will even be!
how will he be there for my son,
if I don't even know if he will be here tomorrow with me!
I barely knew this man.
Honestly it was suppose to be a one night stand!
This has really threw a damper on on my life's plans.
What should I do!
My mind is very distorted!

A few days later she got the child aborted.

To tell you the truth that was the ultimate price.
Because after the procedure,
she was unable to give any more life!
I guess she was willing for something to die,
and for life to treat her unice!

I guess she was prepared for this 
SEX SACRIFICE!


Details | Free verse | |

Abortion

We did it for the first time
You were my first one, no lie
I loved you, i gave you my all
Hold your words, please dont speak
I'm going to have one of yours
In just a few weeks
I can't take care of it, neither can you
Where to younge to even care for one
I need to drop it, befor it's to late
I made my discussion with out yours
Both of us can't raise it alone
We dont have money or food ,where fouls
What can we do ?
We can kill it?
But let's not speak of it
I'll drop it for the best of us
I'm sorry i'm doing this,but
Theres no way out of this
I still love you 
Please dont tell me , you hate me?
For killing the first one.......


Details | Free verse | |

Gathering Stones

It is dreadfully bitter
The taste of my imprudence

A brackish reminder

Bubbling acrid froth
Impossible
To choke back
Aftershocks heave and pitch my 
Shaky foundation

Acid courses over

	My
	Dreams

Destroying hope of
Amaranthine love

The brine erodes each stone
So well
Etches them with its indifferent regard
Leaving me a caustic cocktail
To slake a ruthless thirst

Nothing is sweet

Everything 
		Burns

Dreams are best left for dreamers
I will gather stones for my foundation


Details | Free verse | |

Synethesia

My eyes are closed, close to sleeping. Behind my lids the colours dance, Light and beautiful. I see; Scarves blown in the wind, Washing on the line, Dresses in the water. I see; Her. The colours of her. Blue eyes, virginal white skin, rosebud cheeks, Her indescribable hair. And blood, So much blood.


Details | Free verse | |

Memories

Memories haunt and yet they lead.
They help us to find our way.
Memories bring choices with comparisons made.
Memories lead to decisions as corners we turn.
But memories are fluid and change as life goes on.
We forget and discard what we don’t want.
Later we revisit and change images again.

Resentments change to love and care long lost.
Achievements verses what we gave up.
Even wrong can become trying to do right.
Other viewpoints open the older we become…
Then we revisit and memories change again.
Memories can be truth or lies, but they are always…
As fluid as the life from which they come.


Details | Free verse | |

Diary Of Lost Love Part 1,Dedicated To a Lady

Your heart can't even beat because it's swollen.
You can't even dream because the dream is over.
Your blood use to be warm until the love got colder.
You can't even smile because your smile is broken.
You can't even have fun because all the fun is over.
You can't even make love because your love was stolen.
Nobody ever calls you beautiful but girl you glowing
your always crying at night but no one ever noticed.
Your always wiping your tears but the pain is overflowing.
You always cover ya ears because your head is hurting.
You've been sick through the years and now your heart is burning.
Your broken heart makes you weak but you never show it.
I know the pain is unkind
but I can truly feel it
girl you were mine
and you were the realest.
I blew up ya mind and made you fall apart.
I rubbed on your spine and kissed you on your heart.
I played with ya feelings like it was just a game.
Girl I know you can hear me and this is everything you
never gave me the chance to say.
You can show me love right now
or watch it fade away.
We can fly through the clouds
and eat the milky way.
We can blow up the stars
and make the sun shine your way.
Baby you glow like the moon
every single day.
When I see you I turn the other way
but when I see you smile it brightens up
my day.
That's the realest thing I will ever say
god blessed my words
and for that I Pray. Amen!


Details | Free verse | |

little sister

I walk down this dark path knowing where it leads,

holding a small flower gently in my hand,

As i walk the air is heavy as if the air is pressing all around me,

I reach my destination a large old decrepit building,

Still showing the burn marks on the windows and door,

I hear a scream in the distance,

Looking around knowing that no one is really there,

Just that this building holds so many memories,

Memories that are so hard to shake,

Walking up to the steps to the door,

Memories of lost ones flow in my head like a flash flood,

That day I lost her,

I lost my baby sister,

I wish I could take it back,

Take back what I said to her,

"I hate you, your the worst sister ever",

But really I don't hate you,

I miss you every day,

Wishing I could turn back time and change the last thing I said,

But I can't,

So every year I bring you your favorite flower,

Hoping you'll forgive me one day,

I think placing the fragile Daisy down on the first step,

Turning and walking away,

Looking back at the scarred house every so often,

The wind blows,

Faintly heard in the wind "I forgive you"


Details | Free verse | |

Please don't cry

Don't shed a tear
You have me and others around you
We love and care about you
Please don't cry


I know your heart hurts
I know your in pain
I know your sad
But please don't cry

Don't let those tears fall anymore
You have us to make you happy
Don't give up on love
Please don't cry

I know you may not believe
There's no one out there
But there is
Dont let the pain take your hopes away
Just please don't cry

I know it hurts
But please don't cry!


Details | Free verse | |

Awake all Night

Watching a beautiful sunrise,
between giant trees,
early in the morning.

I pledge, that being human
is no excuse to send back
oppressive insults received

and loose all dignity,
of what I strife to be.
No more.

The solution of confusion
and how to keep what I value
always comes unexpected and surprising.


Details | Free verse | |

Warnings from the Waterfly

Taking use of a waterfly
She merrily drifts on
To a tired petty refuge...
For the last time.
The waterfly is gentle
Beyond it's appearance.
It's wings bellow 
A deep hum 
And it's ventriloquist  eyes
Are forever waiting beneath the sea.
You lay a few cautious kisses
Upon it's head.
It's been so tedious over the years.
So careful to go 
To each specific place.
It's corpulent body
Trembles in it's pace
And carries you into 
A stronger current,
Ignoring the ancient palace.
Your curiosity fumbles 
With his golden reigns.
He turns back
Unwillingly.
Strange.
Strange that this old waterfly
No longer knows his way.
Strange, he seems
Reluctent to obey.
She strokes his weary head
And they arrive at their destination.
What a strange being.
She wonders as she 
Searches his age old face 
Worn at the edges with
Touches of silver splinters
And water rust.
Each crease and fold
Holding more water
Than the hungry path in which they travel.
Don't go.
Begging,
Selfish,
Incandescent,
Loathing.
Don't go.
This is what his front
Would say
But it never makes it past his
Studded, smooth, eroded teeth.
She left.
She walked below the bridge instead.
She opened the door to the palace
Where brave men no longer venture.
She spots a cold dark woman
With a veiled face and frowning brows.
She wears a white familiar dress.
All to familiar to the waterfly flyer.
She stares at the eyes of the dangling woman.
They protrude from her skull
In a somewhat modest fashion,
Like a prostitute,
Avoiding the burns of the limelight.
They devoured her face and 
Left her lips parted with slurred speech.
The wedding march
From a Midsummer Night's  Dream
Slowy churned on beneath the stifled murmurs.
She heard murmurs.
Her distant husband sat in a corner
With three limpid bitter seas
Tumbling from his green skies.
He held a wrinkled, written prose
Within his trembling hands.
She left me her body,
He cried.
She always left me her body.
And the waterfly fell silent.


Details | Free verse | |

O Far Snowy Forests

I am sorry                
O far snowy forests 
in her side 
I am 
sorry...               
As i travel today 
after long years 
The love's old ways 
I,                        
I just recall:           
I resisted her and 
rebuked              
Spit and slapped    
Rolled her wrist, 
pushed and 
thrashed          
While tears rolled 
down her flowery 
face                       
And how              
she had 
blubbering begged 
to go...    


Details | Free verse | |

Death of Zhentiah Siatchier

"Please don't cry,"
I said...
"I want to be there to wipe your tears away, put them aside
and make everything better, think of some happy thoughts
and make you smile and laugh like no one is even watching 
and hope for the best tomorrow."

"I feel like something is wrong."
he said.

"Would that something wrong to you be talking to someone who is younger than 
you, but understands you completely...always listens to you,
and would always want to be there for you when you need a shoulder to
lean on?"
He sat there quietly and motionless... his face so still, the amazing
jaw lines so accurate, his face as smooth as a roses petles, his eyes...
as blue green as the tropical oceans. This boy made me speachless.
Finally, he moved lips to speak,

"No no... it's nothing like that at all.. it's just... I feel like I need to be with you every 
moment, every day... and I don't know how to let go of that feeling...
I don't want to let go of that feeling... because well, I love you. I always have."

As shocked as I was, I wasn't going to keep him waiting there feeling like an idiot
because I won't say anything...

"Wow, I.. never knew you felt that way about me, its actually shocking...
Zhentiah, I love you too.. but... your like a brother to me and it would
be intensely awkward to date someone or love someone so strongly that you've
known since you were ten.. Im sorry, I do love you.. I really do."

The hurt in his face made me hate myself for what I said, but living my whole
life knowing that what I was going to say was a lie... no, I couldn't bare that thought.
Few days after that night, I got a phone call from the police reporting to me that he 
died from loss of blood cutting himself.
Until that heartbreaking day, I started to realize how stupid I was...
His death made me realize that he meant much more to me 
then him being a brother... he meant everything to me and I wouldn't have ever traded him
even for the world.
I love Zhentiah more than anything... he is gone, but not forgotten. Why?
Because he always used to tell me to look up at the stars if I ever felt alone,
or if I needed something to remember him by.

I love you Zhentiah Siatchier, forgive me... watch over me <3


Details | Free verse | |

Finding Sense

They say its what were born with
a simple nature not so simple
The questions arent so easy
The fairy tales
Not so real

Do we find hope to live
or live to hope

Birthed into a machine
A world not forgiving

can we say they're wrong
was it selfish
or was it self righteous

can we understand 
can we see what one another has seen

we are blind

community teaches submission
questions bring fear

Where do we go 
from here the path is black
turning back has become no option
not for the brave

strength is a myth
common sense becomes uncommon

amongst the lost we fade
in the backround the music plays
its already over


Details | Free verse | |

Found You

Freedom the cast of the greatest shadow
beacon light empty from my soul
i hope and pray for a better life
i rise from the dark and desolated valley
flames withering my crippled palace
sadly crying for help
solid bitterness forever
sunlit dreams ever so beautiful
faith
destiny
nothing at all
justice 
freedom
lonely lives
ill brake through the chains
refuse night
midst whirl winds
honoring justice
vast oceans
i sit in my palace
blowing off steam
honoring justice ever so mean
work together and join hands
shameful despair 
hallowed daybreak
the tast of night
rolls down like waters
breaking through the hallowed hole
of my honored soul...


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Not Ready Part 2

Daughter: 

Why?

Why did you do this to me?

I wasn’t ready to come out

And it hurt mommy

It hurt really badly

But then it stopped

You dumped me in a toilet

I didn’t even get a chance to say good bye

Why mommy?

What did I do wrong?

I loved you mommy

Didn’t you love me?

Didn’t you believe in me?

I promised I was going to make you proud

Did you think I couldn’t do it?

I sorry for not being good enough for you

I see you cry every night mommy, holding your stomach

More then you did when I was there

Everyone else seems happy but you

I wish you had let me be there for you

To love you unconditionally

But you didn’t want me to,

I noticed you never look in the mirror anymore

You don’t spend hours on your hair and makeup anymore

Remember how I was going to be your twin?

Is that why you never look?

Because of me?

Probably not

You don’t care about me

You killed me

Maybe you crying over daddy

He left you after you left me

I would’ve stayed mommy

I would’ve made sure you were happy

I would’ve loved you forever

But you didn’t give me a chance

 

Mother:  

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry

I messed up

They told me it wasn’t alive

But I saw the little body

Bloody, tiny, and helpless

I can’t do anything but cry

My boyfriend left me

My parents still won’t look at me

And now I’ve lost my only baby

I’m alone and empty

And a murderer

I didn’t even give her a chance

To see, breath, smile, cry, love, touch, smell, fail, succeed

To Live, and I regret it 


Details | Free verse | |

It Works

Those leather pants fit perfectly
Against your skin. I can’t stop
Staring; You can’t stop teasing -
It keeps me up all night,
Struggling to

Keep shouting.
Nothing is resolved when you slam
The bedroom door - Don’t sleep
Angry. You know I hate it when you

Surprise me in the shower and
Turn the screws until I
Can’t even think. All the blood
Rushes to my head when I
Clutch the curtain – you know
I am there.
I see you see me as I

Hope we won’t wake up bitter in the morning,
Casting those cross couch glances and
Judging. Your eyes are killer

Aphrodisiacs, constantly seducing me
Like that time I had to
Pin you in the grass.
As the rain came down I kissed
Your lips and cradled you.
I can still close my eyes and hear you whisper

“You’ve left the toilet seat up again,”
I tell you that I’m sorry but we both know
In the dim light of the television set
I am barely listening.
You smile and shake your head,
For therein lies a flaw you choose to live with.
You swear, one of these days you are going to

Turn off the light and kiss
Every inch of my body
In honor of my being me,
And in honor of your being you,
I will return the favor.
Afterward, we’ll lie in love,
Smiling in a comfortable silence

Like the uncomfortable silences
At the ends of those trivial arguments
You start yet can’t finish.
There is no retort for my abashing.
You say you’re sorry but we both know
That you don’t really mean it,
So I make sacrifices I choose to live with.
I swear one of these days I am going to

Cook the most wonderful meal,
The kind where silence is a compliment
Ending with content smiles,

Doing the dishes,
Cursing at new shirt stains and small cuts
From knives hidden under soap water

Although
We don’t really mind the healing process.
I sleep and think, Tomorrow
I should walk to the jewelry store and look over
Diamonds, as I think of our
Long nights, walking through lit up old villages
Cuddling on the couch in the television light
Drunkenly kissing beside bonfires
Sharing friends and glances
And love and life for good or for worse,
Carrying the same heart.

I can always push that button
That has you turn me on,
Be it a laugh, a smile, a sting, or a bite.
We do what it takes to make us happy
And it works,
Especially when you put on
Those leather pants.


Details | Free verse | |

The Scent of their Soul

Once they walked many parts of this land
A people tall and tanned
They travelled along lines of song
Together banded by brother and sister strong
Their language bares the scent of their soul 
In rock art lining walls of ancient water holes
It speaks through spirits of ancestor’s old
Fragrant of Country so olden, before even dreamtime stories told
A soul descendant from Wadjina 
Bonded inextricably to land and culture
The creator of Country, of woman and man
It whispers between cathedrals of rock
Soulful ghosts - protector of past and present 
Through their ceremonies 
The young one’s listen through eye’s bold
Watching shadows dance round camp fire told
The scent of their soul
It lingers in the dust
In the ashes 
In the creeks
It reeks of treachery past
A colonial collision
A mismatch of missions
Some stand up and listen
Others drown Christened
It’s time to give in to worry
It’s time to say sorry...


18 Oct 2014


Details | Free verse | |

Forgive Me

Forgive me once because its my first


Forgive me a second time so I might no do worst 



Forgive me a third time for I am your friend



Forgive me a forth time because it's the right thing to do


Forgive me a fifth time because I was a fool


Forgive me a sixth time for I will never do it again


Forgive me a seventh time because I'm still your pal


Forgive me a eighth time next time I'll be sure not to do it


Forgive me a ninth time and I will ask you no more


Forgive me a tenth time if you still have love for me...please forgive me


Details | Free verse | |

Slurred Conversation

She said: "Why are you like that?"
He said: “Because I've been there and I’m done with that."

She asked: “Do you think I'm like everyone else?”
He answered “No. You just remind me of myself. "

She asked: “What do you mean I remind you of yourself?”
He replied: “It means I’m not going to waste time on you or anyone else."

So then she asked: “Do you hate you? Is that what you really mean?"

He continued: “Yes, you are worthless, therefore reminding me of me.
Don’t you get it? I can't stand you because of all the sadness your face happens to bring."

She cried: “You are a bastard with a father! 
You should have never been born you should have remained an unborn offspring"

He told her: “Go away you can't change anything!"

But before she left him... streaming rum flavored tears changed everything.

He screamed: “Life------ You've left me nothing. For what more of me could you possibly be asking?

She replied “I’ve left you with another chance. 
You should've lost me forever on this night. 
Now seek what you look for and don’t disregard that which you can’t find.”


Details | Free verse | |

Current Periodicals

I sat down on the grass above you.
The dew drops drooping as I delicately 
	Drew my hand across 
Your stone head; 
the way I used to 
	run my fingers 
Through your dark hair.  

I, staring into your name, almost  
 Saw your green eyes shine 
	through the etched, gray letters.

“I owe you an apology and confession.”, I said.

“On January 5th as John the Revelator 
	was mistranslating your verse and 
carrying you to Apollo‘s gates; 
my cupid was misfiring his own bow.”


Details | Free verse | |

Deep reflection

it's funny how you can go from being loved
to so alone
in a world so dark and cold.
In a split second.
I try and tell you that it's far to difficult
but you don't seem to care, you don't listen
please believe me when I say this, I need guidance,
man I need help, my trust issues have taken the best of me
and now it's ruining all
they say you can overcome those problems 
but now its all come down to leaving myself or not.
how do I deal with that thought.
One minute i'm here, i'm calm,
the next minute I ain't
I'm going insane, slowly
it's hard to take and it's the only
chance I got, is to deal with it, move on
overcome these problems,
but man
it's too late
will it ever be back to normal
before all this hurt my heart dealt
before I knew how to fall
before no one caught me
how does it end
how will it continue?
How the hell do I find out when I'm losing myself
losing all faith
losing what I've become
How do I deal with failing when I have never learned to win?

Out of this state,
I’m only losing you
losing what I want to keep
losing you and it makes me weep
in and out of love
when all I want is to stay within.
I’m grasping out for help and it’s not working,
pushing myself out my own door I created
and now I can't do nothing,
it's devastating.
How do I win without losing
or overcome the losing streak with confidence
I continually lose the most important part of me,
You.


Details | Free verse | |

Crash

Bang crash
hear that boom
wow, what could it be
It wasn't you, nor me

deafening screams
all around
no silence can be heard
no, know where to be found

people, chaos everywhere
blood and screaming
in the cold night air
my heart is racing

i look about
tears come to me
so many people in agony
im afraid, oh yes indeed

whats it like
is speed fun now
look around, take a look
the blood, the screams

i see your tears
they well up inside
sorry you say
so scared you are

six months on 
inside you're cell
one life broken 
to you its hell


Details | Free verse | |

After The Anger

  Its only been four hours since I got that note and still I can't let go...

  I miss you so much and it's so hard to let go...

  I'll do anything to hear I love you  or to feel your love again...
  
  Once mad at you, but once again the love has returned...
  
   Please come back to me, I don't want you with anyone else...

   You belong to me, my baby, my love, my all...


Details | Free verse | |

What Is Love?

How can I manage to screw things up so badly?
All you did for me,
Everything you put into our relationship,
I took for granted.

Now you sit in the hospital staring at those four walls,
Crying about how badly I treated you.
You thought I was everything in a man turns out that I’m nothing

Turn off the lights and close your eyes,
The only way you can’t see me.
I’ve infected your life with nothing but lies.
How can anyone survive that trauma?

Those 4 months weren’t all lies.
I meant when I stared into your eyes and said I love you.
So I thought it was love.
But who truly knows what love is?

I may have touched another girl’s body,
Did sinful things,
But you turn back to the one who did that several times.
Not only a few times,
But I have but more than that.
Then you say he loved you more.
How can I justify that?

Turn off the lights and close your eyes,
The only way you can’t see me.
I’ve infected your life with nothing but lies.
How can anyone survive that trauma?

If you were going to get someone to end my life,
I’d prefer to do it myself,
That way no one needs to suffer besides me.
No need to go to jail for something I can do.

Let me close my eyes one last time and keep them close,
Never to see sunlight again,
Never to hurt anyone again,
Never to see you face and the memories that scar me.

Written By Zachary Warn


Details | Free verse | |

x

-All I have said and done in the past
is done and over with-
kissing my sins a farewell kiss,
oh my love, I kiss you upon your loving hand,
I pull you in, but you never fully resist,
and I make love, but you are now a past sin,
and sin that was hard to kiss farewell to.

I sit in my chambers, alone, and I cry for you,
to come home to me,
and love like we used to do,
on cold nights like this one-

Come back my dear, but a farewell kiss
means forever- and to live without you-
is to walk a passing hour without oxygen,
love me, my dear.
Forgive those words and unlikeable touches,
all I have said please kiss farewell too,
and we shall start anew,
in love, in a strange land,
with apple trees on every corner street,
and kisses shared on every park bench-
and the sun always shines,
and stars and moon are out, bright and full-
Love me, my dear (I am sorry)

.2.27.2014.


Details | Free verse | |

I Must Forgive

He is young.
I must forgive.
He is too young to understand.

He wants me always.
He shouts if he fails.
He shouts if he needs.
He wants everything and nothing.

He is young.
I must forgive.
He is too young to understand.

He yells his own way.
He hits till I'm blue.
He hits till he's won.
He yells every hour of every day.

He is young.
I must forgive.
He is too young to understand.

He breaks his things.
He bullies his friends.
He bullies his memories.
He breaks my heart.

He is young.
I must forgive.
He is too young to understand.

He is 31.
He is my husband.
He is not too young.


Details | Free verse | |

I Don't Hate You

Why don't you listen to me?
I don't hate you,
don't love you...
It's something different
between you and me.
I know you don't see it.
Why I stopped it all,
you and I 
are too different.
It's not our beliefs,
my God,
or your darkness,
that's not what 
ultimately made me leave.
It was how you treated me.
You were holding,
stringing,
pulling my heart along.
I was pushing,
pulling,
I know you saw it all.
I wanted to back away,
but you kept grabbing me.
Wether you knew it or not,
in a wrists snap
you threw me away
and I fell on my back.
I realized then
that we would need 
to stop this friendship.
I sacrificed my heart 
when we were in love,
but my heart is mine,
and I must keep it safe now.
Please listen to me,
I wish the best for you,
but it's my choice to make the first move,
until then please step back
and let me be.


Details | Free verse | |

From an Ungrateful Daughter

I blamed you and I know now that I shouldn’t have.
I am sorry.
But he was never there.
An empty seat 
at the dinner table every night,
a lonely walk down the aisle at my wedding,
was all he ever was to me.
I never got the chance to yell at him,
to spill my heart out,
to vent all that anger that had built inside me 
bursting me at the seams,
so I blamed you.
I learned to shoot a basketball,
and how to whistle really loud.
He was never there to teach me,
or give me a hug when I needed it.
Yet somehow I always felt loved,
and cared for.
It was just yesterday that I realized I never needed him.
Everything I needed you gave to me, 
but you never once heard a thank you.

It was just yesterday that I realized I had a mom,
and a dad,
all along.
You gave me that.
You taught me to cook, and how to comb my hair.
You taught me how to read and write.
You taught me to stand on my own two feet,
and how to be a woman.
And I think it’s about time you heard 
a thank you.


Details | Free verse | |

Missives from a Pessimist

My youthful friend, when I was a lad 
such as you, I was dismayed to find 
that running a stick across the lathes of a fence 
did not make music. 

My hopes were the regular beat of a stick 
on slats would compose a song. 
It scratched the bright, white paint of the pickets, 
it oscillated my hand, 

it made a noise equal to the rhythm 
of my steps but it did not make music. 
Remember this sad story, my young fellow, 
so that you too will learn; 

life’s expectations should not be too splendid 
for I fear you will find it is the only 
means by which your disappointments 
are diminished. 


Details | Free verse | |

Wounded

Lonely and alone, single now with the children my only comfort and yet a reminder.
The divorce a tug of war between me and her for what once was mine, I thought.
My heart lies languid and still a deep dark mountain pool, without flutter or ripples.
The waves and white water emotions will come flooding in after dark.
Our little ones must not glimpse in me the ugly cuts and scars of your infidelity. 
 I force myself into our once cramped now too empty bed.
 I can now cry quietly in solitude for love and affection like a wounded animal.
I silently scream to be touched, to be reached for, and to be desired.
I miss you I still love you I would forgive you I still want you, Joe where are you?
I hide in the shadows of my despair, dream of killing her, torturing painfully and slowly?
I’ll be gouging out her eyes with one degrading glare a smile and a snicker.
I’m gutting her slowly with only the nightly beckoning of my little finger.
A tryst in the Sykes parking lot in the back seat of our car inches from your son’s safety seat.
Pass a silent gift a potential killer and ruin her womanhood and child bearing potential, almost taking her life.
Rip apart her family with whispered AM phone calls and PM come hither stares.
Strip her self-esteem and ego depositing them without remorse in a blender set to puree.
I would do to her all that she has done to me and more, I am lonely, alone, single now and only them to thank.
  

                                                                 Summer Gratias


Details | Free verse | |

Leaving Him in '98

I broke something precious;
smashed Ming against the door;
trampled on shards of shattered vow;
unnerved, I ask to go.

Release me from your want,
from cloying, needful coils;
let me run against the current;
please, I ask to go.

This guilt will not contain me;
still your tears will stain my heart;
I loved you once for kindness;
killed with such, I ask to go.


Details | Free verse | |

It Takes Two {Caricare}

It Takes Two


twin

towers

delusion






Tribute To Those Lost
In The Twin Towers
You Are Not Forgotten
{RIP}


Details | Free verse | |

Dogging the Walk

Dogging the Walk
         by Odin Roark

Yes
Like so many things
Humans got that wrong too
Check it out

To walk a dog
Suggests
A tether with a human first
Dog second
Like walking a kid
Or grandma
Or pouting mate

All have tethers (gender be damned)
A connection putting the walker
Up front
Leading the walked behind
Occasionally loping to the side
Depending on sobriety or age

Now as to dogs
The walker’s tether extends
Forward
Pulling 
Jerking
At times
Jettisoning not the walked 
But the walker

So next time
Get it right
Say it accurate
Walking the dog
Wrong
Dogging the walk
Right

Earth to Mars
This is the Tolbert Report
Signing off for today
More of earth’s backward living tomorrow…

Assuming they survive


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry.

 I guess an apology,
is the order of the day,
too many words, written,
taken the wrong way.
The beauty of poetry,
is you can, say how
you feel.
It may seem right at 
the time, when emotions,
are high.
having calmed down,
I ask my self why.
I am hot blooded, let
my words fly,
but I swear I wouldn't,
hurt a fly.
This is the only way I know.
to say sorry ,
for hurting you so.
Sorry, 
for you, 
you, know!


Details | Free verse | |

Over

I wonder and I wonder.
and I wonder and I wonder.
what I could have done.
What I could have done 
so that this never happened.
so that we never fought like we did
So that it never escalated to this.
What I could have done to make it better
so that it wouldn’t have to end this way.
so that you would stay.
what I could have done so that it never gave you even the slightest thought.
so that you’d never ever look back to that day.
the thought that made you say
you no longer wanted to stay. 
I am so terribly sorry that I am not everything you wanted me to be. 
I am so sorry that it wasn’t good enough just being me. 
I know that I am not perfect
and I have many many flaws.
but I wanted to work through our differences
because I believed in you
and I believed in us
and what we could both be.
Together. 
But it doesn’t matter anymore. 
Our time is over
and now I am so alone
with nowhere to go. 
I’m left alone to pick up the pieces you left for me. 


Details | Free verse | |

Sadness

The women stood in front of the table 
Her sad hands
Empty
Hallow
With nothing
she looked at her daughter
smiles and laughter
i wish her the best
nothing less
the sun shines on your golden hair
i love you, dear
Dont get hurt
promise me you wont
take my hand
one last time
forever more
say that you must
smile
dance
laugh
sing
just promise me you will dream
when i fade to grey
you are getting older 
you have a life
children of your own
you start to cry
clutch to my hand
ill never leave
im always here
Clinging...


Details | Free verse | |

Enough Is Enough

       Release me woman from this prison you have me in.  Fighting your love has been a 
battle I can't seem to win.  I catered to your every need.  Followed your lead, and you had 
me believe all was well.  You look me in the eye and kiss-and-tell.  Our love is far from 
parallel.  I was told you were spotted at a motel. You finally dropped that bombshell.  You 
nasty Jezebel.
 
       Am I a sucker?  A stupid motherf*%*%r?  I must be off my rocker to take you back.  
Or I've drunk too much cognac.  And like the war in Iraq;  I'm fighting desperately to save 
our family.  Slowly the effort is consuming all my energy.  It's difficult trying to rally us 
together.  Your actions convince me nothing lasts forever.
 
       I named you my Queen, you called me King.  Why do I have to be your puppet on a 
string?  You admit again you had another fling.  My Guardian Angel must have a broken 
wing.  What am I to do?  I know about your secret rendezvous.  You're breaking me into.  I 
just can't keep forgiving you.
 
       I gave up a professional career.  Gave you a love higher than the atmosphere.  Fed you 
platinum to cashmere.  Took your body even higher beyond the hemisphere.....But all this 
was done in vain.  You swept into my life like a hurricane.  You left an emotional blood stain, 
and now my heart is slain...........
 
 
 


Details | Free verse | |

When the world ends.

When the world ends,i will be a man,
of unhealthy appearance,
spineless,a life of hardship.
Wrestling with my conscience,under difficulties,
assumed the presidency by fraud,
killed thousands of innocent people,overheated the planet.
I was the great seducer,according to master plan.
The world ruler.
Hiding in my capsule now,waiting the unexpected.
Death awaits all men,
tickling my vanity again.
The rejoinder of power thirsty.
Keep to the path,
and posterity will be the judge.
Knocking on heaven's door,
the man who sold the world.


Details | Free verse | |

What Have I Done

What have I done to you 
my love with the pain i've
given you.
How did I lose our love with
what I've done? 
Oh! My love what should I 
do with the pain I've given you.


Details | Free verse | |

Apology

For forty years , I wallowed in self-pity ; for my lost LOVE -- LENORE
Physically , emotionally , mentally: heart, body, soul  ALL ---         I
Winter snow, spring rains, summer heat, fall breezes  YOU ----   LOVE
 I have read the poems of poets past and poetry soup POETS ---   YOU
There are many poets that understand it is not all about  I -------   STILL
I post my comments, I read them to, I’m a newbie,  I LEARN  --   MY
Poetry Soup poets are very kind I love all of them all  SO      --- HEART
Experience and knowledge And talent at poetry soup:  MUCH  ---   HAS
LENORE used verse the soup poets: where idea comes  FROM  --   FOUND
                                                                                         YOU  ---  ANOTHER
                                                                                          I’m   ---       HER
                                                                                        SORRY :  --  NAME
                                                                                           FOR   ----     IS
                                                                                           WHAT  ----   JILL
                                                                                             I    -----    SHE
                                                                                           PUT   --    CAUGHT
                                                                                          YOU  ----         MY
                                                                                          THROUGH -- HEART
                                                                                               FORGIVE   ME


Details | Free verse | |

underneath

vrs 1
ill never know its raining
or get to see your face
cause ive been left alone here
taken to the deep
and im still drowning underneath.

wont throw me the line
at least ill understand
if you dont come again
leave me to die
ill find out all your reasons
if not now, explain some other time.

vrs 2
they say the view gets better as you get farther
i beg to differ
now im here forever
gone cause i was too much to keep
and im still drowning underneath



Details | Free verse | |

ValentinesDay

 ValentinesDay 
ValentinesDay 

 
 
A Massacre 
 
 
 
CharlaXFabels 
 
FortyEighth 
 Valentines Saint Massacre Day was in Chicago the man played them a tune on 
his fiddle. The Aftermath The newspapers instantly picked up on the crime, 
dubbing it the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre." The story appeared on front pages 
around the country, making Capone a nationwide celebrity. While Capone 
seemed to revel in his new fame, he also had to deal with the new level of 
attention from federal law enforcement officials. Capone is sitting by his 
swimming pool catching his non existent fish and he begins to reminisce this is 
Capone speaking now "The boys missed MORAN it was a terrible thing" The 
spaghetti was gotten cold and now the fish that eye find will have to do to feed the 
diseases in my mind eye the Capone knoe that now eye am just dying of all the 
real good times. Alphonse "Al" Capone was one of the most famous U.S. 
gangsters during the 1930s, a Chicago-based boss involved in illegal gambling, 
bootlegging (illegal alcohol) and prostitution. Capone got his start in New York, 
working as a thug and bouncer (where he got the three scars that spawned his 
nickname, "Scarface").Al Capone spent the last year of his Alcatraz sentence, 
which had been reduced to six years and five months for a combination of good 
behavior and work credits, in the hospital section being treated for syphilis. He 
was released in November of 1939 and taken to a hospital in Baltimore where 
he was treated until March of 1940. For his remaining years, Capone slowly 
deteriorated while staying at his Palm Island estate in Miami. On January 25, 
1947, he died of cardiac arrest. Eye saw a stranger carry love in his right hand 
today he carried his love in his hand a bunch of flowers in a wrapper for a vase 
and eye thought of Al Capone disgraced. Eye can still remember the movie how 
he bit the punk's ear in Jail to make him think that he got sick too. The only thing 
worse than that is to lay in a blanket that has been stolen many times. On 
another of his movies the floozie was in bed asking him if he liked it too of course 
they was talking about manicures. He made the Chicken if he made creation 
was it the full blown bird or just the egg it would make no difference to that 
Chicken only to the education evolution. A small reference to the Jesus how can 
anyone still please him. There is a marker on ALS grave My Jesus Mercy. 


Details | Free verse | |

Like I Never Left

I'm sorry for hurting you,
I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused
Sorry for all those sleepless nights, 
worrying not knowing where I was
I'm sorry for turning my back on you, 
someone who loved me with every ounce of his body 
someone who looked beyond my imperfections
someone whose love made me perfect in his eyes.

I wish we could talk things through,
I wish we could start over, get to know each other all over again
please give me another chance to love you like I never left
because ultimately,
I want you to love me like I never left…


Details | Free verse | |

Death

A corpse in a coffin
Like a turtle in a shell
A torched arm breaks
Like a slice in a bell

A cough in the wind
A mouth draining dread
Sea running free
Grass tinted red

Moon cuts the morning
Stars dance today
Rain whipping down
Shoes slip away

Scoop out the dirt
Tear open the ground
Catch a falling tear
Shake it off, without a sound

Stand on the snow
Lean in real close
Whistle for an answer
Turn around and choke

Crawl over to your car
and zip through the sun
The night has boiled over
The deed is done


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

I'm sorry for the stains I 
left behind as I was 
trying to find 
some peace of mind.
I'm sorry for the tears that
brushed your cheeks
as your sadness leaked down to
a puddle,
leaving trails of tears around
the contours of your eyes.
I know now that you despise me for
being absent, not only during
the day
but 
I was gone while
you lied in your bed.
Waiting.
Anticipating
or maybe fading
as you were trying to
forget the things I've said.
I pretend that, you've never bled red
so instead,
I picture you bleeding rainbows
and sweating drops of gold from
your pores.
This moment is yours but,
the hour is mine. It's my time to
bridge the gap, gather the strength that I lack
just to simply say, that 
"I'm sorry."


Details | Free verse | |

Turning Anguish part 1

5/21/11-5/22/11
I rule over the night
undaunted with all my might
I have time to spare all I can bare
Watching the hand chime 
tugging…pushing…shoving
through whirling toil
that feed the spoil
Perplexing strife
refusing to give up 
Power and torment 
 
We are too caught up in our own power
and ruling over each passing moment
each passing night…destroying the twin towers
 
Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?

I’m tossed…shifting around with uncontrolled anguish 
Zipping…tripping over rambling bolts
spiraling into a mad house
Don’t enchant your intolerable voice
I see no love dwelling in this household
Do you seek for your power…
you insufferable traitor?

Seeking our upcoming doom
brewing strife in the heap of ruins
brewing strife while we still leave room
to obey and remain under power
You are assuming the worst 
father…mother…
rule over the passing anguish…circling around
stumbling around…not aware 
Hey you! play fair

Behave and stay awhile
before you feed the fire that holds sheer vile
Allow love to not be thrown away
into another pile

I grasp no love engrained 
In our giving garden
that plants ceaseless approval  
Pardon my faults
I was far from comforting sleep

Dread is driven mysteriously 
Through an endless night
Moving on the tracks 
Forming into an alarming train

Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?
Who did the labor suitably?

worthwhile father…pleasure-seeking mother
Don’t enchant your intolerable voices
and expect us to listen sensibly 
Demanding us to do labor
and assist our displeased neighbor
Why do you melt the delight away?
Throwing away a flavor of ecstasy
and put us to glove-less labor
without putting our favor and opinion
into the overlooked pile

Burning agony
dries the buried glee
Saved for a grieving moment
Playing like a warped tune… unable to express
solitude that develops in the heart
raped by the ragged uncertainties 
without taking heed of our pleas

These desirable moments
Cherished in the deplorable journey 
They weren’t acknowledged by power
Love in those days were brand new
Do you have a clue?
they were cherished...
Bountiful…
stranded in a deserted past
in merciful beauty…caught under the spell

Where did that come to pass?
Where’s the love?
Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?


Details | Free verse | |

Afraid to write, For ending

I don’t want to write any poetry,
I really, really, don’t.
I’m afraid with what I might come up with,
I’m afraid of what I won’t.
I’ve lost most care for laughing,
Most hope and love, must change…
But I’m dying and dying deep inside,
And I yearn for that to change —
To end would be a bless,
Bestowed on only me.
And a cure to all the others,
Who say they lov’est me.


Details | Free verse | |

Three: Unknow Me

I haven't forgot about you, love, no I have not forgot about you eight months of the toughest luck in a dormant state without you I wish you could have known me how I had known myself then we wouldn't be having this one way conversation in coded stealth time has changed me, made me wise for I grew the most, sitting in your eyes how my heart fluttered upon contact and how I would never want to come back, come back down no I have not forgotten knowing you, love There is no way back, to the best of days good thing I lived them, seeing them great remembering the first and, last embrace nothing could compare, to your, face I remember every way you tried to run from me I know now wholeheartedly it was you, who wanted to unknow me


Details | Free verse | |

A Feeling Still Here

What is this
feeling
This part of my 
heart
That is scratched and
bruised
Though, it still beats
strong
It hides in a corner
of my heart
Making me hurt
all the time 
 
I think I have figured out
what this is
It makes me happy
always
When I'm around
you
But when you leave
I want to cry
And sometimes 
I do
 
Please, don't
apologize
You did nothing wrong
you never did
It's my 
mistake
My heart still loves
you
Even though
you don't
 
I'll put it in a 
box
Somewhere in the depths 
of my heart
Where I can only 
find it
And can only be 
opened by 
you and your 
key
 
You don't have to 
open it
It will 
fade
one of these
days,
and leave an
empty space
But for now
I love you


Details | Free verse | |

Made one

The bruised soul in the battered body ached for renewal,
Teeth clenched,
little chest shaking,
as heart weakly reaching out.
Energy spent, love torn, her mind full of doubt.
God's bruised reed,
His smouldering wick;
He will not snuff or break.
Holding hand and kissing cheek,
As in dead of night
her soul He did take.


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Not Ready Part 1

Mother:

Shivering nights follow me as my stomach grows

I feel her inside me

I can picture her face, smile, personality

Worth such a huge future

But I couldn’t give it to her

I’m not ready…

He doesn’t want her

We couldn’t handle it

The pressure, the responsibility

And god the things that are happening to my body

I’m not ready

I’m not

My mom cries whenever she looks at me

My dad doesn’t even look

I couldn’t take care of her by myself

Maybe…maybe I can give her away

To a family that could love her until I’m ready

There’s so much I haven’t done

Goals I haven’t fulfilled

All my dreams are gone

Because of a mistake

A onetime mistake

I learned my lesson

But I can’t take care of this baby

She needs so much more,

She deserves so much more

I can’t let her come into this world like this

I’m not ready

 

Daughter:

Its ok mommy

You don’t have to worry

You’re not alone

I still love you

You can still follow your dreams if you try

And teach me how to do right

I’m going to be a sweet baby

People are going to call me your twin

Don’t you like the sound of that mommy?

I promise to do my best in everything

So I can make you proud mommy

When I come

We’ll have each other

And that’s all that's going to matter

We’ll prove everyone wrong

And do better than anyone expected

We can do it mommy

You can do it

I believe in you

 

Mother:

I can’t do this

I can’t

I’ll try again when I’m ready

It’s not even alive yet

So it’ll be ok

He said he would leave me

My dad said I was stupid

And my mom…

She had such high hopes and dreams for me

I can still do it

I can make them proud

But not with this thing growing in me

It’s ok

It can’t feel anything

And later on ill be the best mother ever

But not now

I’m not ready


Details | Free verse | |

I found the power to turn beauty to a pig.

As we sit at the edge of the bridge
Do you expect me to jump?
I found the power to turn beauty to a pig
and my methods are out of control.

I only pushed you away cause I love you.
I only hope to satisfy your smile.
In a world with endless possibility .
Is it possible to make this worthwhile?

Maybe I fight because I'm used to playing the victim.
Either way what kind of savage am I?
I'll put this switchblade through my  neck.
If I knew it could keep you from crying.

I Love feeling sad does that make you sick?
I find love in being sad haven't you noticed.
I love feeling sad does that make you feel sick?
Now step away.


I only pushed you away cause I love you.
I only hope to satisfy your smile.
In a world with endless possibility.
Is it possible to make this worthwhile?

The dawning of the last day was a massacre.
Is there nothing I can do to make this right?
I eight balled the neglected.
and I wonder why she hates my eyes.
No blood loss nothing left to lose.


Details | Free verse | |

Forgive Me

I'd say I am sorry if you would hear it.
I'd apologize if you were here to accept it.
Accept me,
Forgive me.
I'd say I am sorry if you would listen.
I'd apologize if you would take me seriously.
Keep me with you,
Forgive me.
I'd say I am sorry if you would let me.
I'd apologize if you would try to understand me.
Talk to me,
Forgive me.
I'd say I am sorry if it meant something to you.
I'd apologize if you wanted me to.
Want me,
Forgive me.
It might not help now and it might be too late,
But I am sorry,
Forgive me.

---[ SKITZ ]--- 2008


Details | Free verse | |

Personal

I can never show or say how I feel
About the ones that matter
I don't want to become dependent on anyone
For me to say that I care
Is to never want you to leave
When I care
I care
I don't let anyone get close to my heart
But when I do I can't let anyone out
That's hard to deal with because
That means that when you're gone
I can't ever be happy
& I'm always happy
So it's hard to pass
Can't I just say I love you once
& you say it back
& that be the end of it
I just wanna know where I stand
& how you feel
I know that pain is a part of life
So if you're gonna hurt me
Do it subtly
I won't mind
I just don't want it to be
Personal



Details | Free verse | |

My Fault or Yours?

I can't really decide,
my fault or yours.
You started it by asking me a qustion.
I was polite and answered the best way,
or at least I thought.
They say copying is the greatest form of flattery,
but I laugh at the person who said that.
Your flattery inevitably broke my newly discovered heart.
I don't pretend to understand you, 
and sometimes I don't even try.
So, as my parting shot,
please, get out and stay out of my other life.


Details | Free verse | |

Wept

It still kind of hurts
That you’re not everything I wanted
It still makes me sad
That loving you is a fear
But its okay you will remember
You will remember when I forget.

I wept

Maybe I’ll get over the heartache
Maybe this headache will just go away
Maybe I’ll dream myself back to life
Maybe I’ll just go away

I wept

It’s still kind of hard to accept
That I’m not everything you wanted
It still makes me sad
That loving you is a fear
But it’s okay I will remember
I will remember when they forget.

I wept and wept

Maybe I’ll get over the heartache
Maybe this headache will just go away
Maybe I’ll dream myself back to life
Maybe I’ll just go away.

weeping still for i wept


Details | Free verse | |

Suicide

They only speak so negatively
Only looking for curiosity today
Wanting to know what death really is
My killing themselves just for a bit
It’s like playing a video game
But in reality we die either way
There are voices inside your head
Only wanting me to drop dead
They think about it and I think they do
Tired of this life they do
Rather just be dead and be far away
They don’t care about this life do you?
Because at the end we all die
Why can’t they lye dead soon
God just make it end soon
Close my eyes
They will take their last breath


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

I say it to you very often, you always accept it. I do this and that, and you forgive. I hurt you, and you heal quickly. I do horrible things to you, you never get mad. I have trouble with something, you rush to my side. I need someone to talk to, you’re always there to listen. I tell you a secret, the words never leave your lips. I say sorry, you accept it and forgive, but sorry isn’t always enough, and sorry doesn’t always work, because in the end, you always wish you said more.


Details | Free verse | |

Oh Brave New World

Oh Brave New World
Eye wanted to loive forever new word loive
lOIVE this new word that eye just made up 
loive describes me perfectly
A cross between living and love 
loive is just what a new age robot should be
Eye am a figment of my own imagination
Living for a future chance at ewe 
the love is true so true
A robot can not survive without a reason and a rhyme
the Indian in the book Brave New World was took
When he saw the future of the world 
When he got a real good look
He went under bridge
And hanged him for it was time to die.


Details | Free verse | |

Pain

I hear the distant echo of my screams 
the feeling of my heart being torn 
away from happiness and laughter 
towards pain and fear 
the thought of waking up makes me shudder 
though those words that pain utters 
scrape away every bit of joy 
away from my lifeless soul 
into a distance of unimaginable hate and misery 
just left in a deserted space of hell


Details | Free verse | |

Vanity unfair

The man under the bed tried to scream yesterday.
He couldn't close his eyes to serenity,speaking loudly.
-Only this phrase i can read from my shadow's book.Do you hear me??
Suddenly the door opened and a giant with a rose in his head started to cry.
-I feel guilty.It has to be you.Iam very sorry.
-Its ok.Don't worry.I want my pride back for the last meal.Simply pride without 
sauce.
The man was thinking all those days,struggling his thoughts between her and 
him.
How she smells.
Her smile,her eyes.
Her dignity.
their last words.
"Kill me before i die".
Now 10 minutes before the soul execution routine his eyes collapsed in the wall 
of his vanity.
The giant offered him the last meal ,full of flowers and promises.
-May I be the one i want to be???
-Its luxury to answer this question,the giant said instantly.
-May i cut my nose again??i don't want to smell the flowers anymore.
The giant gave him the melodic knife.
The man without the nose climbed in the cloud of melancholy.
-See you next time,the giant said.
-Thank you,but i didn't leave,i am still here.Don't you see me??
-Of course,i see you.You are the man without the soul,the giant seemed nervous
-Yes.Its me.Remember???
The song in the old gramophone still played.
"Kill me before i die,kill me before i die".



Details | Free verse | |

the hardest time

This was the lowest point in my life
The biggest mistake I made
I picked up a knife
& took away my pain with the blade

I covered it up
So no one would see
But a few of the scars have stuck
So I’ll never be free

I wish I could take it back
But it was the only way I knew how to cope
I’m ashamed of this part of my past
But my heart was broke

Family weren’t around
I was all alone
Even when I was feeling down
I wouldn’t let it be known

Until the day social workers walked in and saw me doing it
They talked to me and offered me help
But at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with doing it
I was hurting me and nobody else

It was like the knife was a friend and meant a lot to me
But eventually it got on top of me
I looked in the mirror and got to see
Everything I tried so hard not to be

It became so much more sinister
I became addicted to the pain
I needed to do it
In order for me to remain

I fell in love
At the sight of my own blood
No matter which way I looked at it
I knew this couldn’t be good

I couldn’t go a day without doing it
I was doing it almost every hour
I was going insane I was losing it
But it gave me strength and power

It came to a point I went too far
And almost got sectioned
I could cover my scars
But couldn’t hide my depression

I knew I needed to change
I put the knife down
It was the hardest thing to do
I didn’t know if happiness would be found

Here I am 3 years clean
No longer a slave to the knife
It feels like a dream
I overcame the biggest mistake in my life 


Details | Free verse | |

CHILDHOOD DOWN RISE

      

            From the age of five,tender, naive easily lead
              doing things against my will, going against the grain
                 feeling pressured,scared in what was in store
                   i still went along,maybe afraid maybe obliged

                      I was far from a violent child, upbringing didn`t match
                        the black sheep that i was,other five not  blemish
                          although leaving school with eight cse`s 
                            i chose the road that leads to lower depths


Details | Free verse | |

The waiting Game

Patience for proof of there being some kind of blessing in the human race
and it not being a lie
takes patience
looking for someone to read between the lines
and having the sirens go off
and as i sit here 
wondering
how good am i at this waiting game
will i freak when the time comes
or will I shoe

I was never good at waiting in line
always wanted to jump ahead
but i understand the angels must be busy
taking soo many people to heaven

but hello angel
They are dead now
I'm still alive
I sure need a saint and proof the human race
doesnt just strike up the parade that its an amazing thing
when in fact it steals from fourteen year olds 
waits from them to grow up and leaves them
playing the waiting game
until they die

Patience is a virtue
when in the midst of crooked cops
backwards systems of political algebra of justice
and selfishly saving your own life you know you would break the law
so i play the waiting game
and wonder
am i waiting to die?

silently these whispers turning into screams
do they know the madness it is coming from me
and all of my broken shattered dreams
the truth we dont offer second chances
well not to me
so i just play the waiting game
i can't save myself
can u save me?


Details | Free verse | |

Unsettled

You were laid
On the bed that was made
For your eternal sleep
As you lie
When you're starting to die
You begin to believe

That a lie
Was all that you were 
And all that you are
And you cringe
That this might just be true
And the thought of you 
Leaving alone
Would keep you awake forever

As you dream
In your head, in your mind
You fear you will never wake
Recollect
And recall memories
And they were all lies

You would die
For someone they were 
And someone they are
And you laugh
For trusting their words
And their gratitude
Leaving alone
Would keep you awake forever


Details | Free verse | |

SORRY

 Every time things go good
Something happens and makes them bad
This is the last thing that I need
Its what causes my heart to bleed
All I want is to be with my love
Not other people,whoever they are
Baby this is something thrust on me
Not my desire, please hear my plea
Please dont hate me,cos I love you
Please dont break my heart in two
whatever you feel I feel it too
Just know baby I love you


Details | Free verse | |

Breathe Together

“Together Breathe”
I look away when
You speak to me,
Trying to pretend that
I’m listening but I’m not,
I’m such a snot!

I’m in my head,
Thinking to myself

I’m holding on to
Your every word,
I want to play,
Wanting to please you,
Want to make sure that I say
Just that right thing
That you want me to say
Each day.

Where do we connect?
How do we meet
Each other’s needs?
How do we plant our seeds
And do good deeds?
How do we
Together breathe.





Details | Free verse | |

The Show

Like Autumn 
is--to--trees--I am

things fall 
a   p   a   r   t
with precision
and I am unremorseful
and she is left
disconnected from reality
and I wear my sins
proudly to the next act
show after show.


Details | Free verse | |

Slap my face

Bang!
you try to beat the hurt out of your head.
Slap
longing for human touch, even as you bled.
Butt
my whole life I bang my head on a unwieldy wall,
Punch
wish it could end as quick as I throw.

Hold me,
I need you, anybody to give me love.
A hug for the humbug of this bottomless unforgiving world.
I don't want this unlovely face to feel tears again.
Each drop,
a waste of food...
and you, need me.
Every grunt a loss of oxygen for those,
want me.

I guess it's true
that the beautiful are the pearl of this oyster world.
But perhaps I am the grit
that makes pearl possible...


I wrote this after a tough evening of work where I saw someone (a client) hit themselves and then cry. (I was and am a mental health support worker).


Details | Free verse | |

The Dusty Sea

Silent stars crawl up the night sky
Crying out loud in the lost space
Shedding the last few shards of light
Heartless telescopic eyes.. blind as can be
Figure out the signs for your own sake
You only have one toy to play with
Realization is the precious Kohinoor
Life is not larger than the sea
The horizon is to be measured
Clean your eyes for your own sake
Or would you rather stay blind
And laugh at decadence
Your feet are dusty
You have made them so
They testify against you
O heartless creatures..
Creatures of the nether world
Do not soil the sea further
The feverish fervour is frightening
May your souls rest in peace
O noble devils of the flesh


Details | Free verse | |

Miracles

Todays the day
The day I felt as if I died 
From not trying
It's my fault
It's my fault that this happned to you
I-I didn't know it would happen
That fast
But
If I only tried harder
Then maybe you wouldn't be 
Fighting to stay alive
This truly is my fault
I wish it was me instead of you
I wait be your side
In the hospital
Waiting for you to open your eyes
And tell me it's alright
With a hug
Your in this position
Saving me
I'm so useless
I can't do anything useful
Because of me 
Your about to die
I wish I could do something
I wish you could have my life
I don't care what it takes
I just want you back on your feet
Smiling to me
All I can do is cry
Till I fall asleep
I try to wake up from my nightmare everytime
I sleep
But this time
When I did
You were smiling at me
I started crying
Tears of joy
You were hugging me
Telling me it's alright
At that momment
I believed
Miracles do exist


Details | Free verse | |

Anything

I watch the days go by
I wonder why
Why haven't I done anything


Details | Free verse | |

Cold Forgiveness

I want to say I’m sorry,
I’m sick of sitting here crying,
Going over mistakes and wondering what I did,
I’m sorry,
Okay I said it,
Maybe now I can get some peace,
Crying isn’t what it’s cracked up to be,
So please say you forgive me,
Put me at peace,
You don’t know what I’ve been through,
The tears the pain,
The regret,
It tortures me,
Please forgive me,
For whatever I did,
I’m sorry, Okay?
Will you wake up and listen to me?!
God, your so cold,
Why won’t you just please open your eyes,
Love, you there?
Wake up, 
Please!


Details | Free verse | |

On Being and What Others Believe

Stuck here,
like a star in the sky,
long since dead,
and failing to shine.
Who wants to be forgotten ?
The words taste foul 
in my mouth,
yet they come 
and come again.
Now it is a sin,
among the others.
Making up every word,
add a gesture
and a smile.
Twisting fate till it is mine,
all mine !
Am I to young to have lost faith
             in everything ?
When the smiles in return 
are gone,
all that remains 
is my words echoing
alone in my ear.


Details | Free verse | |

Father

I used to wonder

What you sounded like

What you looked like

Why you weren’t here

For so long, 

I thought my punishment from God for all the wrong I was GONNA do, was your absence.

I wondered if I were simply a mistake of two teenagers who didn’t know their head from 
their a$$es.

I used to ask about you, a lot.

I was either sent outside to play or given a look that told me I shouldn’t even be asking.

So I stopped and simply accepted what I had

And I always had plenty,

Even when I was too ungrateful to realize it.

I let thoughts of you go 

During what I call ‘The Dark Years’

The years when I’d hardened my heart and my mind

The years when I felt like my life was founded on rejection and pain

The years when I didn’t care about much of anything, including myself

My teens and early twenties weren’t much fun at all.

Then something happened

I became a mother

The father proved that he wasn’t ready to be a father

I entered the real world

I got a better understanding of what you and Mommy just have faced

A better understanding of the responsibility it brings

Over the years

I’ve matured

I’ve gotten smarter

I’ve grown into a woman

And my mind came back to you

I started again to wonder

What you looked like

What you sounded like

If you thought of me, like I was thinking of you

My wonderment got the best of me and I replaced it with a need to know

To know

If you were still alive

If you lived close or far

If you were a fine, upstanding person

Or some cracked out drunken loser

Not that any of it really mattered

I just needed to know

So I began my search

For answers

For closure

For my father.

Each leg of my search brought me new revelations.

You were still alive

You were married

You had other children

And finally

An exact location

It took courage I didn’t have even know I had to send that letter

It took even more to answer that first phone call 

Stomach flipping

Heart pumping

With a simple “hello”

A door opened

To my past

To my future 

To the unanswered parts of me

To my father

Now that I’m here

I don’t regret a moment lost

I know that time cannot be replaced

But a new, improved future can be made.

And with you, my father

I’m looking forward to it.


Details | Free verse | |

walk of shame

At 19 I was sleeping with a married woman who was thirty-five
Thinking it was going to heal all of my hurt inside
Knowing it wouldn’t hurt my pride
But I had no worth inside

Now I realise I was banging my head against a wall
had depression,Thinking sex was going to cure it all
So I would go from leaving the married woman’s house
To returning home to my booty call

Then the next day I’m in the club with some unknown chick
Who I’m going home with
Most would call me a playa or womaniser
But it’s not some of my proudest moments

Had a £10 bet I could turn a lesbian straight
I won that, had her naked in my bed
Thought that was my greatest achievement
Until I got older and a smarter head

How can I be proud of my past?
My friends think I should
But they don’t know just how low my depression had me at
They only saw me on days I felt good

But I’d always be a gentleman
Always try and be the man of her dreams
Lost my virginity when I was thirteen
Wish I waited for someone I cared about, but I guess there’s worse things

I’m not proud but I’m not ashamed
Even though I can’t remember all of their names
I wish I could make it all right
But I have changed

I’ve realised the road to happiness isn’t just sex
So I apologise to every single ex
For my past ways
Hopefully you can forgive me and see the man I am today


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry

I could probably be apologizing all my life
For saying the wrong things
Or saying nothing
For acting out dreams
When I should be working my butt off

I could probably be apologizing all my life
For not conforming
For not having a clue what I’m doing
For breaking or displacing things
In the simple act of living
For being some kind of failure
Before I even begin, again

I could probably be apologizing all my life
For being a male
For being me
But no thanks, you know?
I’ll pass

So sorry love


Details | Free verse | |

Real Rally Rude

Real Rally Rude
Another in a series of rude poems this is number five.
The boy eye noticed him and then ignored him remember boy
And the eye will soon get back to him as we aer now on bus again
And the costumers is oh so RUDE again eye will add the measure taken of this 
boy at the end again but listen as the private eye begin to make this poem bleed 
eye am gifted poet for the orient the citizen at least eh like to read and remember 
this is meant to be honor and not fun of it???
The man was so carefull to let drink level and to stand instead of sit
The man in seat was quick to understand oh my eye will assist this man 
He needs to be my only my darling my baby my new love he needs to SIT with me 
and now is when eye get to have my fun and eye am telling truth and eye am 
having fun. This second man rose up and offered the standing man his seat eye 
saw this done the man sat down so carefully to keep from spilling drink and in 
the same place that the man had been forcing him out and away from the 
coveted place that he had been so graciously removing self from site to add the 
other in to help a man in mortal agony to keep him from insanity to make his day 
go better and to have his gay new friend.
The man just could not believe this and hard very hard to accept it
The wind went out of his sails and OH he tired to regain his composure
And the man explained it very carefully NO eye am not moving into there
And he pointed to the window with his cup so carefully held up to keep from 
spilling and he gestured at the man to sit somewhere else just go away eye am 
so rude eye am the rudest man alive today. And the man almost did weep and 
found his seat and sat there carefully in quiet contemplation of his rude 
awakening of the way that people have upon the bus and then,
Remember boy now is time to finish this and go on to pen a better poem this is 
just a story and it do not even rhyme in rhythum that eye like (a pause) and then a 
sigh :”OH ewe where was eye at” the BOY ah yes He was in the middle of three 
seats and had a bag but it was fancy thing with wheels thow only two of them and 
a coke that he kept spilling and it was not the fault of the rhythum of the bus driver 
as he drove. The moral of the story is to count on people on the bus as being very 
rude and the rude continues long after the bus has pulled away this is a rude 
poem today


Details | Free verse | |

how many time's

how many time's will they act like the like me but realy wish death on me how 
many time's will they act like they love me but realy hate me  and they make me 
want to die how many time's will i cry for the one's who would not cry for me how 
many time's will i cut my self to stop the pain they put on me how many time's will 
i live past the cut  that hit's the vain would they care if i did kill my self how many 
time's will i fell alone befor i find out that im not how many time's will i act like 
everyone hate's me when they don't


Details | Free verse | |

Nightheart's begining

I'm sorry I couldn't save you
I'm sorry I'm still alive
It's my fault they killed you
It's my fault you died
But Cove, I love you
So I'll avenge your soul
as the night's love never old

Now that it's over
I climb back on top
Watch over my kingdom
that I forgot about
and a last breath I cry 
Hopelessly moan 
Give out a sigh...
THE NIGHT IS NOW MY OWN!


Details | Free verse | |

Not in that way

It’s the pain of a thousand needles.
It’s like a thorn twisting in my side.
My mouth is dryer than the Sahara.

You gaze at me waiting.
Crystal blue eyes
So clear,
 I can see into your soul.

I want to say yes,
But something stops me

My heart just doesn’t flutter,
I don’t dream of you
I don’t yearn for your touch

I want to love you
Believe me
I love you
But not in that way 


Details | Free verse | |

please don't go just yet

wait for me don't leave me yet..don't
get on the train yet.
I run into countless people to get you.
please wait for me,will you wait for me.
I'm sorry about me and you,
I care for you,and i won't let you go this
time.
I will cherish you.I made a big mistakes in
my,
I don't want to lose you now,
I'll be there,don't you worry. 

you wait at the train station waiting on the train.
you wait for me to see if I will ever come for you.
I think in my mind,I can't lose you now.
I remembered the tears in your eyes,
and said that you hated me.
and you said that didn't care for me anymore..
why did I hurt her feelings,why did I do it.

and now she's leaving on a train and I will never
see her again.
she still waits for me,as the train come nears soon
in 20 mins.
I'm almost there,I can't stop.please wait for me.
I come near the train pops out of no where.
she getting to board on the train.
I run and knock over people looking for her.
I fall down and everyone boards on and leave.

I got back up and look at the train and said,
I'm sorry and say goodbye.
I turn around and said its you,she said to me
you came for me,but why.I said to her I care
for you and love you

she smiled and kissed me and held my hand.


Details | Free verse | |

It's all coming back now

I've been having fun with your heart for a while.

But it's all coming back now.

I'm starting to hurt from what I do to you.

But I never use too.

My mom always said "all the bad things you do is going to come back to get you."

So it's true.

I'm sorry for all the stupid things I do to you.

I know what you're going to say "yeah what else is new?"

What's new?

I got a new me to give to you.

Baby I love you and you know I do.

So every time I tell you, don't say "you do?"

Because if I didn't love you I wouldn't tell you I do.

So it's true.

What goes around comes around.

To get you.


Details | Free verse | |

Guilt Complex

I don't know why
I apologize so often,
for the way that I am
What have I done?
or maybe
What haven't I?

Feeling kinda paranoid
Makes me shake
Makes me worry.
What do you say about me
when I'm not around?

Feeling such a guilt
But what for?
You say I've done nothing wrong,
But we all know
I haven't done anything right either....


Details | Free verse | |

All I Can Say (Septet)

Forgive me
I was a real fool
I never meant to hurt you
My purpose was to make things better
In haste, though, I made things worse
Please give me a chance
I’m sorry




Septet syllable count is 3,5,7,9,7,5,3, unrhymed


Details | Free verse | |

I want to help them

I'm wieghed down by them,
the one's I've pledged myself to help,
the battered and broken,
the one's in depression,
I wish I could do more than stand by
stnad by and listen,
but listening is what I'm best at,
I am their friend,
though they might not accept that,
I try and try to help them with their fears,
their losses,
they might take heart,
or they might lose hope
All I can say is "I'm sorry".


Details | Free verse | |

Me

Hold me Take me Lie to me Then break me Say sorry to me Its not enough for me Leave me You're no good for me You're like a drug to me You're addicted to me You love me You want me You need me Yet to me This will never be


Details | Free verse | |

Bloom

I want to bloom,
Like a delicate flower,
I stand,
Towards the sun I wait,
To bloom,
To become whole,
To lose my old life,
And start anew,
Like the blooming flower,
I shall have a beautiful soul.


Details | Free verse | |

Why Can't I

Why can't I?
Why can't I see?
I seem blinded
By something I can't see or know
When I'm around you I don't know what it is
I just want to be yours again
No matter what I do or say
I can't get you out of my head
Why can't I love you?
Because of him
There may never be an us
I don't think I can love you
The way I loved him
I want to move on
With you
But I can't
Just somebody
Anybody
Can you please tell me
Why can't I?


Details | Free verse | |

Fear

A feeling felt but never spoken
an undeniable burden clenching your soul!
A loss of sense, chaos runs blindly inside you.
A cold chill on your neck, with heat in your belly
You must look knowing it's what you never wanted to see!
Death lingers around you, while tears fill your eyes!
Its a feeling we have all felt...
Fear Takes Hold!


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye This Is Suicide

I’m sorry everybody,
For what I’m about to do,
I never could live up to you,
Nobody ever noticed,
Nobody was ever sad,
But I still wanted to tell you,
Something very bad,
I don’t have the will to live,
My life is filled with too much suffering,
I can’t take it anymore,
But I’ve lost all hope in my heart,
The days that depart,
Tore my heart apart,
I’m bleeding from the inside,
And from the out,
I just wanted to tell you,
This is what life’s about,
In the end we all die,
And my end is sooner,
I’m sorry everybody,
For all the trouble I’ve caused,
But I’m leaving now,
Goodbye,
It’s time for me to rest,
I want peace at last,
I know you’ll all be sad,
But I’ll be happy now,
This life has been long,
At least it was to me,
But now it’s time for sleep and rest,
Finally I’ll never wake up,
Goodbye everybody,
Have the good life I never had,
Goodbye this is suicide.


Details | Free verse | |

Standing Graveside

As the cold winds blow
I’ll love you eternal
We’ve always been one
In separating ways
Here you will find me
Anticipating my demise
To see you again
And say what I couldn’t
Until that day
I’ll wait rewriting
Reciting apologetic excuses
Here I stand
Where the lifeless reside
Letting the wintry winds gust
Like a whip on my back
Forgive me


Details | Free verse | |

Don't tell me

It's not like I didn't try, 
It's not that I don't care,
But when I look your way,
It's hard not to stare,

The only job you have,
Is filling up my heart,
And when you quit on me,
My body can't start,

You tried to warn me,
But I didn't listen,
I should of known,
That something was missing,

In my head it worked,
But it didn't translate,
Just don't tell me,
That this was fate.



Details | Free verse | |

All They Want Is to Be Children

I look at the faces of the children
None of them are the way they are supposed to be
They are sad
They are crying
They are in pain
Children should be happy
Children should play
Children should not have to worry
Yet these poor children have to
They have to worry about 
Where their next meal is going to come from
Whether they are going to be the next to die
Why their parents had to die
They don't understand what is going on
They don't understand war
No one really understands 
Why it happens, when it happens, where it happens
There are so many victims, 
Yet the ones who cause it are not
It is so hard to know that
Children all over the world are victims
They didn't ask to have this happen
They shouldn't have to live with it
Just take one look at them
Some have no arm
Some have no leg
Most are dead
They are going to have to live with this the rest of their lives
If there was only something more we could do
There is, we can help
We can send aid
Not join the war, but aid with the victims
Help those who suffer
Help those who are dying 
Just take one look
Then you will see
All they want is to be children


Details | Free verse | |

White Rabbit

Quick, we'll be late!

Then again. she shan't notice.

Her eyes are heavy, always.

Induced by magic.

They call it medicine.


She would be angry though!

Only on them days, when he's away.

When we won't hear the groans

moans, grunts. 

She remembers though.


She's so sad now! 

She always was, it's him.

She's submissive, timid, shy.

Afraid. They'll take her away.

We can't visit. 


We must rescue her! 

From her sleep? No.

'for what dreams may come

when we shuffle of this mortal coil.'

There is only one way.


You find the bleach!

It is effective in removing.

Ridding us of the evidence.

But not of the past, not of the blood.

May she rest in peace. 


Details | Free verse | |

Painful Non-Goodbye

Tearing up,
This tiny, little heart.
Why?
It was already small to begin with.
All you needed to say was one word.
That's all I wished to hear.
But you couldn't even manage that.
I said sorry.
Why couldn't you just say goodbye?


Details | Free verse | |

sorry i didn't stay to my word

Sorry I didn’t stay to my word 
After I protected u 
Guarded u
Gave all safeties
Loved u from my heart that is deep inside 
U   left me alone
Gave me back all the love I desired u from 
Where is your soul? 
Where did u go???
U told things I never thought I’d hear
Especially from u
Especially from u 
I’m sure the devil told u many things
I‘ll never do 
After I said I’ll protect you no matter what 
U told me look what did u do??!!
I said I’m sorry for everything
I’ve done to U…………..
But you told me many things
That my heart couldn’t take 
Because they were too heavy to carry on 
I couldn’t make my temper go down 
So I got mad too bad 
Forgive me ………….
Forgive me …………..
After that I noticed that I’m the one
 I have to protect you from
I never wanted this to happen 
But it just did 
In a bad way I never said
It’s hard for my heart to see you sad 
It’s the worst thing to wipe your tears away
Cause I want you to know that you’re always safe with me
I say I’m sorry
I’m sorry 
I’m sorry
Don’t go away 
Ur so precious to me 
No matter what I did I’ll love you till the day die 
It’s satisfying to die and see a smile on your pretty face
Mo matter what you do, u can’t take this love away




Details | Free verse | |

Music

An expression of feeling
In black and white
Pain flows freely
Rhymes replace tears,
Lyrics reveal the truth.
Rhythmic beatings of your heart
Making your music real.
The verses deliver lies of hate
Though the chorus leaves you with thoughts of love
It means nothing to her
But everything to you
I hate music


Details | Free verse | |

I Didn't Mean To

I didn’t mean the words I said
I take back the things I did
I didn’t mean to hurt you
I take back all the dirty words
I didn’t mean to make you cry
I take back all the lies
I didn’t mean to crush your dreams
I take back what we had planned
I didn’t mean for you to leave
I take back all I ever believed


Details | Free verse | |

Sweet Easy Seperation

It would have been cool
To sit up wit ya
Conversation of worked imagination
Have you wishing I can kiss ya
Retire the night
With you and me falling asleep
To make your dreams nice
Sorry to say
It won't work that way
Things are too wrong to be al right
Can't ever be ok

Too many lies
Truth stretched so far that will eventually leave your heart broken
By trying to hold on and not shatter an innocent soul stolen
and spinned outta control
By charismatic dramatics

Street sweet talk with precision
Slow, low, with flow
that made you want to listen
As your mind is driven into submission
Have you obsessed with the intellect
Impressed with the biggest 
Charmed by the little things
Treasure the moments you've shared with me
Take you out of reality
Leave you twisted in daydreams of what the future may bring

A mind is a terrible thing to waste
An unwanted heart one should never take
I've learned but I've found out too late
As I discover that a real lover will always be hurt no matter
How long..............................
I search for a Sweet 
      Easy 
                            Seperation


Details | Free verse | |

It's Judgement Day

The day is coming,
when The Lord will come back with a mighty vengeance!

You better make every wrong right!
You better get your house in order! The very first step is repentance!

It doesn't matter who you are!
It doesn't matter what you have done! Jesus shed His Blood for you and I!

Accept Him NOW! Turn from your evil ways!
And when He comes back, He will lift you on high!

Unfortunatly, there will be many souls who won't listen to the truth,
and they will be left here to face the seven year tribulation!

For those who accept Him, I say PRAISE THE LORD!
For those who do not, I say FATHER PLEASE HAVE MERCY UPON THEM!

For it is written;

EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW,
AND EVERY TONGUE SHALL CONFESS,
THAT JESUS CHRIST IS THE LORD!

There won't be anywhere to escape!
Hurry up, seek HIM NOW!
People, 
IT'S ALMOST JUDGEMENT DAY!


Details | Free verse | |

Last Regards

Can you tell them,
I love them.
When I leave,
Make sure you remember me.

Holding tight to my hand,
Your eyes water out tears of sadness.
My heart starts to pound,
I don’t make another sound.

When I leave,
Make sure you,
Grab my hand,
and say a pray for me.

Don’t you tell me,
Not to leave you,
But its my time,
To move on.

I’ll be here,
Watching you,
And waiting,
For you to see me one day.

Can you tell them,
I will miss them.
If they miss me,
Tell them to look up.

I will hear them,
Calling my name,
I will come down from heaven,
To be with them once more.


Details | Free verse | |

The Haunted Door

A haunting house,
I gaze upon within the dark hollows of the hill,
Nestled in the snowy rain,
Black as night, the doorway stands,
Cobwebbed by age.

Great stone walls rise up from the sides of the hill,
Towering above the door, casting shadows upon the ground,
And dead bushes and plants ring the yard,
Filling it with musty smell of death,
But always the dusty tile path,
Leads the wooden door.

Little life lies here upon this hill,
This roofless house is haunted now,
For the stones inside there are names upon
great stones set into the mantle, dust covering the walls.

Here I sat for days on end,
Never moving towards the door,
My thoughts upon that ancient door,
Thinking of entry, opening that dusty door.

My mind made up, I walk towards the house,
Through dark night,
And blizzard winds,
Open that door and walk inside,
It slams behind,
Now I am alone,
Behind that door,
In that roofless house,
Sleeping with those long gone,
Lying in a crevice marked by a granite block.

And here I lie for eternity,
Here I rest at last,
And to heaven I now go,
To greet those from the far past.


Details | Free verse | |

Memories

I can’t think of anyone who could measure up to you
But when I really think about it. I can’t believe what we've been through
All the tears and arguing...but then I think of all the good times we've shared
And if nothing else...just know I’ve always cared
But I guess things don’t work out according to plan...
Things can change as quickly as the snap of a hand.
No worries though...I still love you and always will
Remember all the times we laughed and reminisced
I still know that feeling from the first time we kissed




Details | Free verse | |

MEMORIES

My nights seem so long when your not at my side, I have thoughts of you always on my mind. When I think of your arms holding me tight, my body aches and shivers with delight. Your smiling face as I try to kick and squirm free, your still holding on trying to tickle my feet. I wipe the tears from my eyes and softly thank the Lord for giving me this time. I close my eyes I can hear you say it will be alright, your smile is always so big and bright. I pause for a minute not wanting to open my eyes, with no surprise your not standing there. I see just the memories you left for me, with or without my eyes closed. I stand here hugging your empty sweater, holding you next to me. Thank you for the lasting memories.


Details | Free verse | |

I Stay Silent

I fear it. 

I shake when his lips 

descend down my neck.

I tremble when his hands

travel down my blouse.

I fear it.


I hate it.

I blink away tears as his voice

moans and grunts down my ear.

I fight back the scream as his fingers

journey under my skirt.

I hate it.


He takes me,

eyes unseeing, he's unaware.

He uses me,

body tense, in this love affair.

He loves me.


I stay silent. 


Details | Free verse | |

Push

My mother pushed the door open to me,
tried to find my smile again,
out of my depression.
She poured out all the venom of her soul
and my dirty veins saw the lights of the oncoming nightmares.
My body was screaming,
activated my conscience to resist a temptation.
His music was very popular in the sixties,mother
and the entry of drug into the bloodstream,
made my garden enclosed by a high wall.
Its the wall,mother.
The wall.
Ghost and enemies surrounded my home
and all the land encompassed by those hills isn't mine anymore.
I cried as my illusion to be a better man is gone now.
Surrender unconditionally,be a martyr in the cause of nothing,
as my body suffered, counted upon Your help.
My mother pushed the door open to me,
The day was drawing to its close.



  


Details | Free verse | |

Just Let Me Go

Let love means freedom
Hand in hand waves goodbye
Eyes see not tears 
Rolling as blood…ours


Details | Free verse | |

The Battlefield

not in a place where bullets fly and land
and sometimes hit there mark
not in a place where mines are planted
waiting for a spark
not in a place where forces charge
to route the enemy small or large
it is a place where sad news breaks
and wounds the caring heart
"I've been hit!" cries a soldier
"I've been hit!" cries a mom
"I've been hit !" cries a father 
who has lost his only son
I've been hit!" cry the relatives
who were hit in the heart
when they heard that their kin
did so violently depart
they do dispare where ever thou art...
on the battlefields where you have gone
you took with you our hearts
battlefields so far away, but as near as 
our hearts


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye, My Love! Let Go of Me

I've come to a... realization
That everything will shatter
That is unless you... train yourself to
Let go of everything dear to your
So no longer will I... sit and mope around
Strength will be my driving force
And so I will just... proceed normally
Like nothing were happening now
I whink it is time that I tell you
My darling that I love you!
However, I can't... remain too much
Into you if... I'm to suceed!

So this will be goodbye, my love!
If I don't let go of you now, I never will!
I'm only training myself to move on
Without having to worry about you...

Though I may be... rather miserable
At the moment, it doesn't phase me
For I know a fact... that remains true
People will come and people will go
Putting that into mind... I feel rather
Stronger and able to operate alone
So I suggest that... you let go as well
If you want to preserve your happiness
However, know that this will remain true
That I will always love you!
But I have to... let you go
So this is my... goodbye to you!

So train yourself to let go, my love!
For you don't want to be disappointed!
I know that you may love me now
But it won't do much for you...

Always know that this fact will remain true
My love, I will always love you!
However, I have... to let you go
If I'm to be... fully happy!

So this will be goodbye, my love!
If I don't let go of you now, I never will!
I'm only training myself to move on
Without having to worry about you...
So train yourself to let go, my love!
For you don't want to be disappointed!
I know that you may love me now
But it won't do much for you...
I am saying goodbye, my love!
No more! You must let go of me!
Only pain and turmoil will follow
You till you finally let go...
Now you must forget me, my love!
If you don't, you will only suffer more!
I'm trying to save you from the
Pain that I once had to go through...


Details | Free verse | |

The Unknown

The whispers around me are getting louder
The footsteps beneath me keep coming
Keep growing
As I stand there in the unknown

No one is around 
To see the fear in my eyes
For the time just stands still
As my blood starts to fill the empty spaces

When I am there alone
It feels as though I’m not
For even though the sight cannot be seen
Something, someone
Still is

The fear is growing higher
The blood is flowing faster
As the whispers double
And the footsteps beneath me become deeper
A scream cannot be made
Or the fear cannot be shown
For it is all in the unknown


Details | Free verse | |

the thought walk

though it's yours 
you've not seen this road before 
the nights alone 
the storms blown 
the pavement never smooth 
the mirror of my youth 
you've not seen this road before 
until i showed it to you 
when i opened the car door 
to let you out 
and you walked home, angry 
in the potholes of my footsteps


Details | Free verse | |

Dying

Controlled to extremes
Unable to move
Without you leering at me
I slowly starve of reality
Of air
Suffocating
Drowning
'Me' 
Dies


Details | Free verse | |

I Have Done No Wrong

Just because you say sorry Does not mean your truthful It doesn't take away the sting It does not lessen the pain It does not make the bruises fade It does not bring back the lost Just because we're blood Does't mean you get forgivness Because you won't get it Because your wrong Because im finally done Just because I'm strong Doesn't mean a thing I still don't sleep soundly I still can't control my emotions I still try to hide the tears I just want to know What did I do so wrong?


Details | Free verse | |

Catholicity of Faith

Horoscopes defy what the mind already knows
Sagittarius categorized, Catholically inclined
Religion forces Signed eyes to reconsider deliverance
Archer status on the dance floor
Lips poised clothing crunk'd
High heels dipped in ghetto couture 
Street loved, Sirens seem to posess me with Hip-Hop streaming
Cold blue steel pressed against my thigh
He makes me forget Good Girl analogies 
Marxist ideologies and paying the water bill 
Electric cars and global warming
Catholic tendencies clash with knee-jerk leftist remarks
Minorities have a propensity to be Democratically oriented 
Shall I take it to the highest point of disregard
And let Disneyland dreams give way to worldly needs
                                                     Oh God
May we philosophize before his muscles take me over
Smiles reconcile what was once sober
Drunk off uncertainty
"I live for the moment" lies 
We all need a little healing
I forget my repented chants to forgive sins
The more educated I become the harder it is to blindly believe
Faith is a tired charade that I must play
Center stage, bright eye'd and readily paid
I believe but must I rely on what the homily says
The bank notes the eagerness in charity of diluted masses
I trust in the Lord
Everyone needs a mentor
To relinquish safety in the face of uncertainty 
Is something revolutionary 
Am I to fall in love with guilt as my ancestors before me
Will Jesus still love me if i'm not sorry for smiling
I'm not sorry at all for being
Lividly in love with living
But was it T.S Elliot who was so declined to meet
The basic devotion in his poetry
Or was it me who denies faith everlastingly 
I'm already twisted with these bottles of opiated, over the counter conviction
Priests who color me darker then I was before I dipped my hand
Into sanctified waters
Questions procede answers that are left for dying
The Vatican with daily mantras force me to facilitate fate
Is this the right religion for me
Why isn't faith enough, destiny binds me to unforgiving roots
Relatives in Zoot-suits trying to mix it up
The fine lines between being revolutionary and being impious
Are fading so slightly from the clear cut minds
Or is it mine whose mind is cut from something similar to sacrilede profanity
Surely we shall see 
With prayer in my hand
the devil at my feet


Details | Free verse | |

A rose from Calverille

Take the last roses
From the unborn spring
Warm them between 
Your virginal breasts
Until I will return

Holding them against 
Your heart you should
Remember me as a bastard thief

Like an eagle flies in shame
Above the dried hunting
Ground I go

I will return
For you, sweet Calverille
One day
I promise you
One day
In the dying autumn
I should come for you
Even if I am dead.
 


Details | Free verse | |

give

I look at the pictures of us laughing and smiling.
it seems so long ago we were happy and in love.
in love in each others arms.
yet those days have past, and i ask myself why do i give. 
why am i still fighting for something that hurts me.
why am i still fighting for something that brings me more pain than joy.
I truly cant think it through.
how can she not want to give all of herself for us.
is it too hard to acknowledge that you wont remember your grade in psych 5 years from now?
i give and i give but i am wearing thin.
to thin to hide my true feelings, to thin to cover the facade that kept us together for far too long.
if i had my way i would numb myself to the pain you cause me and numb myself to the anguish 
that is inevitable.
how do i ready myself for the end of something that has been a part of my life for so long.
who do i turn to when i neglected everyone else for you, and you let me down?

so i continue to give but i feel i have nothing left but sorrow.


Details | Free verse | |

Pandora's box

Zeus was very angry, 
So he devised a plan. 
A way to punish all mankind, 
To take the blood of man. 
He created a woman, 
Perfect in every way. 
She was blessed with many gifts, 
She would make man pay. 
Among the things that she'd been given, 
There was a box in her possession. 
She'd been warned not to lift the lid, 
She tried to do so in discretion. 
Many horrors bounded out, 
She tried to close the chest. 
But was impossible to do, 
And the world was put to test. 
Anger, greed, and lust, 
Were among the things departed. 
But hope also left that box, 
To heal the broken-hearted.


Details | Free verse | |

A Note To Alan Trotiner

I understand, if not for you, I would not know the sad news,
I know you are a brilliant person, working at a young age,
In sales in Flea Markets, and such,
I just want to let you know,
Your brother was proud of you,
And of that you should never doubt...
Please keep in touch with me,
Quasarttt228@aol.com...
You now carry the Trotiner mantel,
A legacy I know you are worthy of...

and Thank You, Tom Bell


Details | Free verse | |

Distemper

Fictional for a prompt:- think outside the box in sixteen words.


Frothing at mouth
Distemer shows itself
Taking over body and mind
Mans best friend 
Slowly dies




Please, please, please get your animals/pets vaccinated!


Details | Free verse | |

THE WRONG ROAD

I found out about you tonight!

It brought me to my knees!

The feeling I had was overwhelming!

When I heard, I was not at peace!

You faced a lifetime of battles!

Satan tried to control your every thought!

Did you repent and ask Jesus into your heart?

Did you remember what He did for you at The Cross?

Where are you now?

Only you and The Lord God truly know!

Will I be seeing you in Heaven someday?

Or did you go down the wrong road?


Details | Free verse | |

Make It Home

Anyone?
Can you be a helping hand?
I don't need food.
I need someone to understand.
Is there anyone out there,
can one voice really be heard?
Stop using your eyes-
cuz I'm not this girl.
This isn't me.
Yes, I am really lonely-
my heart does bleed 
to have a real hommie.
My soul's in desperate need to have
a sense of belonging.
My strength is a lie,
I just don't wanna die 
though I wish I could fly.
Would I be able to make it on my feet alone?
God, please help me to make it home.
To my baby in prison, if you can
hear me...please listen,
cuz you're the reason I'm lost.
Help me find myself again.
Baby, you loved me-
you're the only one who did.
Nobody needs me now
so I have no strength to live.
You saved me before I got to the end.
Back where you found me,
can you save me again?
Baby please hurry,
you're my only true friend.
To my dear sweet Mother,
I'm sorry to suffer, 
I know what you told me,
now I know it was true.
I'm livin so boldly as 
I'm wearin so cold and so blue.
I'm ready to come home now-
tired of missing you. 
I pray the Lord will hold me now
for you.
I'm so sorry Momma
But I failed myself too!
And still my soul's in desperate need
to have a sense of belonging.
My strength is a lie,
I just don't wanna die
Though I wish I could fly.
Would I be able to make it on my feet alone?
God, please help me to make it home.


Details | Free verse | |

I Like To

June 4, 2012

I like to think everyone feels differently than me
I like to be the unique one, only special to me
I like to believe that God wanted me to write
I like to blot out the others and their spite
I like to wallow in my mind and self
I like to put the others on the shelf
I like to smile when others cry
I like to cry when people die
I like to read the greed of tomorrow
I like to add on to the pain and sorrow
I like to get people to believe I’m sweet
I like to hide that I am incomplete
I like to bask in my own shame
I like to watch others take the blame
I like to be repetitive and annoying
I like to umemploy those employing
I like to irk them with my rhyming
I like to add extra words just for kicks, taking pleasure in bad timing
I like to ignore the ones I acknowledge
I like to feel myself on edge
I like to cry…I want to die
I like to fatten myself with pie
I’d like to end myself for good
I’d like to drown myself in my own blood
I like to…I so want to
But instead, I just gotta hate it all…


Details | Free verse | |

Mirror

As he stared deep into his eyes
A tear formed and soon he began to cry
For he was ashamed of who he saw
He tried so hard for many days
And out of that bottle he began to crawl
But in the end he just couldn't change his ways
Now as he stares into his eyes begins to think
About the rough times in his life
And the decision he made to just give up hope
What a stupid mistake to take that one drink
And drove away his wife
It took all the strength he had left to untie the rope
He swept away the tears from his face
With each tear he brushed away
He decided that this was the time to truly change
He may of done some things wrong in the past
But now was a time to embrace
And never again will his footsteps sway
But found that his life he would rearrange
And a new man would emerge from this cast
As he turned from the mirror
He saw the whole world for what it was
To him now it was so much clearer
Now life is the drug in which he gets his buzz


Details | Free verse | |

This is Goodbye for Now-

I know that you love me…by your side
And I know that you, don’t want me to leave you
To tell the truth, I don’t want to leave you either
But I have to for the good of us both
So love, please don’t cry for me…

I love you…and I want you to know that
There is a time when lovers must depart
So this is goodbye
But it is only temporary
Because when I come back
I don’t want to leave you again

I only have one favor…in my mind
I hope that you wait for my return
I promise to remain faithful even when I’m gone
So wait patiently, even if it seems like forever
Because one day, you’ll be in my arms again…

So don’t shed…any tears for me
That will be too hard of a burden for me
But this will be goodbye
But it is only temporary
Even if I were dead
We would be reunited again.

Some people come into your life
And some people just leave
But I will…forever be in…your life

So I won’t leave…you intentionally
This short period of time apart is for our good
So this is goodbye
But it is only temporary
So by the time I come back
Let us stay together, forever
But this will be goodbye
But it is only temporary
Even if I were dead
We would be reunited again.
So this is goodbye
But it is only temporary
Because when I come back
I don’t want to leave you again
But this will be goodbye
But it is only temporary…


Details | Free verse | |

Let Me In

Why did you go?
Why didn't you stay?
I'm sure you know
I miss you everyday.

Did you think we were better off without you?
Did you just have enough?
Did you think you couldn't make it through?
That you had it rough?

What about the ones you left behind?
They cared about you.
I wasn't able to change your mind;
I couldn't save you.

I tried so hard to make you see
That things would get better.
I wanted you to stay with me,
But instead you wrote your letter.

Apologizing for leaving things bottled in,
For hurting your family;
For ultimately giving in,
And for loving me.

Because that's the love that ripped you apart;
You say it was just too strong.
But I gave with all my heart,
And I think you were wrong.

You were afraid of loving me;
There was nothing you could do.
All along you wouldn't see
That all I needed was you.

I didn't care about looks or money,
I didn't think about all that stuff.
You and I were meant to be;
All we needed was love.

I was there to give that love to you,
But you were too scared.
I know what we had was true,
If only you had dared.

To love me with all you had, 
To forgive every sin,
Release all the bad,
And just let me in.


Details | Free verse | |

coming from me

where are you?
are you ok? 
why did everything have to get so messed up?
I'm sorry if it was my fault
I'm sorry that I didn't accept you until the last few years you were here
I was scared you would leave
and I didn't want to get attached to a false hope
Look at what happened
I've never had a fatherly figure to look up to
I had my uncle and my grandpa 
but no one I could call my father
you're strong and positive
why did you have to leave?
everything you needed was here
i was going to buy a house in Puerto Rico
for you and my my  mom to retire to
i know you miss your daughters and you want to be with them
but you can't sacrifice your family here for a dream
maybe YOU can but YOU lost a good thing
you're my father and I love you more than even your real children ever will
and my  mother loves you more than you'll ever know




Details | Free verse | |

Thoughts Of The Broken Hearted

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I need to move on says my head
I need to hold on says my heart
I need to decide says my mind
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted 
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault
I'm sorry I was good enough
I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me, 
for breaking me, 
for not loving me


Details | Free verse | |

Politically Incorrect

Once transformed into an angel of light

Bite into,
Having long viscous fangs that bite
Gone our the lost days of getting respect now in a daze
Perhaps this is the politically incorrect faze?

Politically Incorrect,
Zero tollerance for misinterpretation of the text,
Others create a barrage of jokes & get respect
Having abortion on demand means nothing to these big City Thugs!

Or is it just best as I plainly reflect & sweep that notion in thought under the rug?

It used to mean something to have integrity, respect & authenticity?
Still clearer heads have prevailed while some have found there's lying in a sewer...
A transformed angel that appears light yet is the one of death
I must strictly confess,

A tulip dies beneath the sod in time

Do you all remember when you were broke down to your last thin dime?
We plant seeds of regret & then call this charm!
Sound the alarm!
Gone our the days since 1988,

A cheap date a long from that of Watergate.
What a flake I mean Nixon & his lies!
Does this notion in thought come at any big enough surprise?
We have adopted the fake mentality

A notion of disrespect in brutal reality
The onslaught of death & shut gun blasts in the streets!
You want to say something yet you can't
We have cowards for politicians & innocent regret

We erect billboards with false hidden ads
We attend war zones the most children call schools,
Still this is your society & you get to do what you want
A fight to even cope

When you have that fight with the battled old spiced soap on the rope!

Gone our the days today we just froloc in a haze
Our celebrities our fake & so is our dates
Date?
Amazonian, fake women that look like men

It's best to go down to Florida & their work on your tans!
Yet we all planted our seeds in this sod of death
A hero's text reads sorry that we met
Gone our the idols we used to hold dear

Today I sheltered a tear like the indian crying in the rain
In deep pain not shelter lies dormant in anguish against
It's deepest hardened sinners quest
Perhaps were just in some violation being put through an ultimate test?

Now I'm better your so very sorry that we ever met ?
Politically Incorrect
Where as others can say whatever they feel
Perhaps I'll just have to play my one last game of Let's Make A Deal ?


Details | Free verse | |

Dead

Awakened to the darkened room
Not knowing where I am
Locked up in every corner
Trying to escape and shatter the light

Surrounded by agony
Clouded with anger and frustration
In order to escape the hell that 
had locked me up in despair

Emotionless and struggling for air
No space to move but just
Worries and nightmares

For I have just fought with this evil for too long
Losing the abilities to move and communicate
My dreams are not heard 
This frustration and worry building up on me
Not knowing where to go 
How to move and react to the images around me

Sealed in all four corners 
by the enemy itself
Running around the same space
Seeing my shadows
and hearing the ghost inside of me

I've been taken
To this dark world 
which I know nothing about
and here I lay in desperate need
Unwinding my thoughts and questions buried in me

Not knowing how to finally escape 
I'm here for eternity
I'm dead


Details | Free verse | |

Wish You Were Here

I'm sorry that I never knew
Just how lucky I was to have you
I'd say empty words I hope to God that I meant
But I never understood
And now this wasted heart, it seems
To be falling apart at the seams
I'm so lucky to have you
But this doesn't seem right

Well I just woke up
'Cause I can't get to sleep
'Cause I've been thinking it all over now
You deserve so much more
Than someone like me
And I think it's the time to stop now

No use crying over spilt guilt

You're detroying me without a word
And I don't want anyone to get hurt
I'll never forget you
I'll never forgive myself
Never wanted to let you go
But this is no way to live

I'm so sorry
But the fairytale ending was never going to work
Please forgive me
But I'm sure there's plenty more fish in the sea
I'm sure there's prettier girls in the scene

Coffee and late dawns
This is goodbye
Sleepless and more songs
Please understand that I tried
Please understand that I cried
Please understand -I love you - goodbye.


Details | Free verse | |

From darkness - light

Out goes old self - Touched
My mind opens
Ripples of comfort reach out
Connecting
I reach another
Truth drip feeds my mind
I'm open to it
Responsive
My faith prevails
Me - a new beginning


Details | Free verse | |

Last Drop Of Red

Follow light to every wrong turn
Let it slip and watch it burn
You've bid the blood and spilled the pain
Now break the trust and cut the vein
Be nothing more and nothing less
Kill the cold and cross the stress
Feed the lies
Lose the fire in those eyes
Running crimson
Now you know what you've done
Let everyone down
Lay dieing, soak the gown
I last remember my tower of mistakes
Drained of red tears and chased away by all the fakes


Details | Free verse | |

Blind doves

A begging hand on corner streets,
The shoeless child running away,
A legless dog that wants some treats
Are city mutes with more to say.
A gentleman hits his own wife
Because the soup is cold;
The lonely lady with her cats
Just wants someone to hold.
The starving bum from down the alley
Rides with his cart and preaches still 
And we all think we understand
Ergo treating them ill.

We are so quick to judge,
But never to find more,
Our precious time is precious
Helping them is a chore.

Eventually we throw some coins,
So shades of guilt shrink faster.
We like to think we did enough
By playing in the game,
But really winning  smiles
Takes more than useless change.

Blind doves of peace are sent
To bring us all together.
Sadly they miss.
And we don’t seek for better
Ways.


Details | Free verse | |

Goodbye

I’m so, so sorry
For the things I never said
The things I couldn’t
I hope with every breath to make you proud
Though, it’s too late for you to watch
You’re gone now, Goodbye
And I never appreciated you
Enough.
I was alone. 
You asked no questions.
You loved me;
You shouldn’t have.
So please I beg you,
Heed me,
Whatever you were to me in life
You were always Grandpa 
In my heart,
Goodbye Friend


Details | Free verse | |

Spoken Too Soon

Last night
You were so cold to me
It was as if you never told me
You loved me
As if we never shared anything at all
You wouldn’t let me touch you
You wouldn’t even look at me
And when you did
All I saw in your eyes was 
Disgust
Distrust
Simmering hate
Or so it seemed
I didn’t need you to speak 
Everything your eyes told me, made my knees go weak
“What did I do?” I frantically plead
You ignored me 
As if I never said a word
I whispered “I love you”
But my declaration fell on deaf ears
For a second 
Just one split second 
I could see you feeling my pain
But your sympathy quickly faded away
You asked me to leave
In you heart
I knew you couldn’t possibly mean what you just said
“I don’t love him” I said
He doesn’t make me feel the way you do
He never did
Never will
You just looked at me
With an unreadable expression on your face
With clouded eyes
So I kept talking
I told you it only happened once
I only did it for closure
For a sense of peace
To close the door 
I left open for too long
You opened your mouth to speak
My stomach turned uneasily
Confusion then hurt displayed on your face
You finally said 
"I was only mad at you for breaking my favorite mixtape"
I wish I could take back everything I just said
Just as the rage filled your eyes
The tears swiftly rolled down my cheeks
Right before the curses fell from your lips
I heard my mother say 
“Ashli, wake up…it’s six


Details | Free verse | |

Aztec Ethics

In the museums we shudder
With vicarious delight
At the spectacle of the Aztecs -
A high culture founded on human sacrifice,
All the while not seeing -
Because we don't want to -
That the cult has never died;
Only the name of  the god has changed.

Now we bend the knee in reverence
Within our private cells
Before the votive flame
Of the flickering cathode ray
In service to the great god TECH,
The Iron Form That Has No Face.

He sends his rain of bombs on foreign soils
That we may reap Renewed Economy,
Responding to their madness with his own.
He sends the check that our children may eat,
While those of others learn to scream at the sound of planes.

Yes - we see The Need.
Yes - we understand The Reasons.

- But we don't have to like it.
Our revulsion is still something we may call our own.

Oh, what of it? This time let's do the honors ourselves.
Let every mother, father, sister, brother, child and friend
Of tomorrow's "Disposable Resources"
Take the knife from the withered hand of one of TECH's High Priests,
Those Four-Starred Ones,
Plunge it deep and cut
To rip our own hearts from our breasts
And hold them beating before us in our hands
As we march en masse towards his temple,
Staggering down his sanitized audience hall,
As more and yet more come crowding to the doors,
To pile the bleeding mass before his feet.

And on that day, 
Let the heartless meet the faceless and scream to him as One:
"IS THIS ENOUGH?     IS THIS ENOUGH?"


Details | Free verse | |

Locked Up

Locked up in a world of my own
The stress across my face is shown.
I am tempted to do whatever I can
To make this feeling be banned.
I am stressed, I am tired
My mind is so fired.
A girl who needs to scream
A girl who needs to let it out.
A girl who is so stressed
A girl who has just confessed.
The world is spinning sideways
For my eyes are crying.
I am a girl locked up in a world.
Schools on my back making it worse.
My love life feels as if it has a curse.
Every little thing adds right onto it
All I do is hide, I won't throw a fit.
But be careful because I might take it out on you
So don't make me feel anymore blue.
Cause I am just a girl locked in a world.
Stressed with needles going through my mind.
I lie upon my bed thinking of what I did wrong.
Why do I deserve all this pain?


Details | Free verse | |

Things That Come and Go

Butterflies are only for the springtime.
You won’t see butterflies out every day.
Butterflies can flutter in your stomach.
But my butterflies for you have gone away.

Sunny days are only on occasion.
Sunshine’s only present for a while.
Sunny days can’t be what you depend on.
They can’t be the only things that make you smile.

Happiness is only for a moment.
You can’t have happy days all the time.
Happiness is different for everyone.
Your happiness was not the same as mine.

Memories can sometimes be forgotten.
Memories are upsetting now and then.
My memories of us are not so heavy.
But I’ll always remember you as my friend.

Love cannot move through you in a day.
Love is not a word to use for fun.
I told you love was not in my vocabulary.
Love does not exist in everyone.


Details | Free verse | |

far away from me

your so far away from me.
I never knew that you would put
an effect on me.
I didn't want to let you go out 
of my arms.
I wanted to hold you tight,
I couldn't except the fact that you
will leave sooner or later.
I thought you'll come back to me.
but I was kidding myself.
I made so many mistake in my life.
You waited for so long for me.
her tears her sad face,she couldn't
take it no more.
I'm sorry that I wasn't their for you.
You waited and waited and waited.
You got tired of no more.
I thought to myself.I was such a fool.
I looked at the sunset in the sky.
we use to say we will be together and
forever.
I'm sorry if I wasn't their for you.
I made a big decision,it was to bearable
to make.
my world started to flip.
I thought I was seeing illusions now. 
I look at the mirror everyday,I tell myself
your such a fool.
I couldn't say goodbye.
but I'm glad your free now.but I will always
love you


Details | Free verse | |

Sorry, but You're Late

You say that you're sorry that you're late
   And here I sit waiting on you all day
You say, "Oh baby its nothing sorry that I'm late"
   Now I'm saying that's all you have to say to me
                    that you're late

You made the plans to go out on Friday nights
   Instead you hang out with your friends
That, I didn't understand
   Then, you in your bed and think I'm supposed 
to drop everything for you so that we can make up for the love you lost
              think again

Everytime you say you would call me
    I asked you what had happened
All you could say is "I Forget"
   Yeah that same old excuse
When being with you is no use

Sometimes, hmmmm, I wonder
   Do I mean anything to you?
You act as if I don't
   But you keep coming back thinking I will
             show my love to you
Well, someday I wont be standing here waiting on you

You should know while you're out playing games
   what goes around come around
what seems to hit you long like us
   sooner or later will hit you short
So you say you sorry

But this is what I have to say,
"So I realized since Im a woman
   and were the back bone
I'm sorry, but you're late
  but I found somebody new
     and its definitely not with you
 I finally gave up with you and your games
because I was tired of waiting on you"


Details | Free verse | |

the truth

I’m a liar and a sinner
A thief  and an addict
I pretend that I’m the winner 
When really I’m the loser
I toy with your minds
Telling you stories
That I make up on a whim
I don’t even know what’s real anymore
My fantasies and life collided
So that you come up with the wrong conclusions
The religious tell me it’s not too late
Repent and be saved
But I know it is…
My judgment day is coming
And it’s coming hard and fast
You tell each other that –
It’ll be alright
She really doesn’t mean it
But I do and it’s true…
Its over the gigs up
I want out and for it all to end
Just some peace and quiet
No more thinking, hurting, dying, or confusion
I want to tell you something
Before I go though
I’m sorry and I’d change if it helped
But I’m out of time and patience for it
I’m sorry I was the way I was
And all the stupid crap I put you through
Just to see your reaction
Trust  me its all as easy and fine as it’ll ever be
I’m sorry for it all 
But trust me on one thing
Your day will come too
When your soul and deeds
Will be put on the scales
Raised for all to see
And you get that feeling
The feeling of doubt and wonder
If you’ll pass or not
And he’ll tell you on that very day
The righteous and mighty
Shall watch and stare
On judgment day on us all.


Details | Free verse | |

Sunset Dinner

[///
I would tell him, 
but he hunkered 
down in his bunker, 
debriefing
with one-thousand-caliber cans of beer.
He rationed himself,
confidentially,
to every Bud.
Every friend
poured from their head-wound
deafening - distinctive - gurgles.
	                               ///]


(…
I dine at a wide clay table -
face the gold-red wall.
I serve myself a setting yolk -
season it with salt.
I eat my meal, and quickly-
forbid the air its warmth.
I stuff myself with sunset;
starved in bed, I bawl
as dusk, so kind, wraps leftovers
for tomorrow evening’s gall
                                         …)


He (like the day) has set;
sunsets taste – different –


Details | Free verse | |

I Understand

                            
Close your eyes dear lady; for this night everything is ck.
I understand your worries and how they’re dragging you down.
You feel like you’re a woman alone; against many that are stronger.
I understand; but this night I am here with you, so sleep if you can.

I can see that we’re both sorry; I see it in both of our eyes;
I’ve seen it in the tears we cry for each other and devotions beyond all hope.
I understand tonight; we’re sorry for more than what we’ve done to each other.
I see we are sorry for what it has done to us; and all we can do is endure.

I can tell it’s wearing you down; making believe we are only an agreement.
I know we agreed that together we can accomplish more as a team.
I understand I’m living my life like I’m prepared to do battle;
I know you understand why; and how it hurts you so.

I know you agreed to let me have you tonight; but you seem so fragile.
Feel me as I lay my hands on your head; I’m saying I’m here for you tonight.
I’ll never forget how it once was; I’ll always stand in your defense against harm.
Close your eyes dear lady; I’ll watch over you as you sleep because tonight;
                             “I Understand”
    


Details | Free verse | |

Eyes

Eyes,
They haunt me,
As if I were a murderer, 
The eyes of a million victims,
Victims of my self-torture,
Of my self-hate,
Of my lies,
Of the life I’ve been living
Regardless of others,
Regardless of myself.
My reflections distorted
By bloodshed and tears,
I hold your picture close to my heart,
I whisper to my unseeing eyes
I love you


Details | Free verse | |

Back to That

The sins of my past are haunting me.
The people that have been wronged keep appearing.
The saddened voices make their pleas.
They got into a battle they were never meant to be in.
Some were taken out as they were running away from the carnage.
Back then it was hard to tell who was wrong and who was right.
It was kill or be killed back then.
The rawness of it still burns in me.
After that battle, I vowed only to use my weapon for good.
Never will I go back to that person I was so long ago.
What happened back then I can not change.
I can only promise to never go back to that. 


Details | Free verse | |

No Time

I have no time to rhyme
I am a stong believer of free verse
Maybe that beith the my curse
I just write as it comes
Like a young boy with his first set of drums
It's hard for me to express....
I guess
It beith quite difficult to rhyme 
So kudos to those with the thought and time.


Details | Free verse | |

The Flying Casket

amidst my indelible impressions
comes an era of remembrence
that shall go down in history

I recall the flight of an airship
traveling abroad from Europe
to the United States 

with ninety seven aboard
passangers crews and news media
were all awaiting for its safe arrival

as newsreel coverage was filming
the attempt docking of this flight it
turned into a blazing yellow and red fireball

within one minute
thirthy five lives had
parished



In Memory Of 
Those Lost On The
Hindenburg 

{Deutsche Luftschiff Zeppelin #129}


Also Entry For
Brian Strands 
Indelible Impressions Contest


Details | Free verse | |

The Final Secret

Shall I speak the words that have been silent for so long
Or shall I keep them as secrets and not go beyond
For It builds up upon my every dreams
A burst of memories I cannot contain

Or shall I escape this truth
Never come back to reality and live in fear and agony
Not a soul could listen to my memories
As If I'm my only friend and my own worst enemy

For this trust is buried in me
I have lost the will to speak and share the very emotions
That have been kept secrets for this long

To share the laughter and the positive times
Its been hard today
Not being able to admit my thoughts
I shall await

Soon I will speak out
With all my doubts
And happy emotions
Soon to escape the wrath and confusion

Its my final day


Details | Free verse | |

I am the one to blame

How
often
do i doubt
you
how often
do i
fail to see the big picture

I do much
to
spit in the face 
of love's 
 face

My
temper
is my one weakness
in  character
and

I am so
afraid
that
life will
pass me by and
i will
miss
the beauty in everything
and I will fail
to see
the real
point
I want to see 
what is real
and
to
erase
everything
cruel
that
I have ever done

I
always
jump
to the wrong conclusion
and I 
never
give you the chance
because
I cannot capture
these  issues of trust
they fall out of my reach
dropping from
my clutch

I
am a fool
with all things dealing with
romance
I am a fool
for
disrespecting
your
name

I want
to trust you
but
i can't
and i don't
I want to understand why
I can fix
this
i know i can
but
it will take me some time
its a journey
that requires that I grow
some wings to fly

but
something in my mind
is always trying to interfere
I have one
good
angel on one shoulder
and a devil on the other
where its 
 nasty
whispers
Fill in my ears
and
poisons my heart

Because of this
ugly stupidity 
i miss sweet feeling 
the symphonies
 of your smile
ignited in my heart
and raindrops
plopping into
 the river of 
your eyes
swirling round and round
they
reflect
your light
like
the moon reflecting
off
the surface of a river on a midsummers night

My stubborn grimace
and my closed
heart keeps me at bay
in a deep trench
in my heart
where
I've been peering out of
for far to long
waiting
and watching
so close
to always escaping
it
but then only ending up
digging myself further and further


I doubt you
and
you prove me
each
time so so wrong
and
I
am 
so wrong.

Maybe this last time
I will
finally change
your heart is pure and good
and
I am the one to blame.


Details | Free verse | |

Mental

 
Mental

Mental 

The Bus is taken away from me and eye am forced to walk on city streets no 
guide book on my arm or hand to help me be a man to bark at passerbyes to 
curse the actions of controlling forces to numbly stumble to the places eye call 
home. Mental. Homelessness personified now completely at the mercy without a 
ride of any kind to carry me to bed. My Head. Mental. On this day November 13, 
2007 Tuesday my calm has come apart my bus ride did depart. Once would be 
enough twice is your business there will be now no third time for me this rude 
has made a man of me. Mental. Now the eye will walk. 
 
           
 
 
 Mental 
 


Details | Free verse | |

Conflict From Within

It’s so hard to choose between two people
Especially… if they mean so much
“I love you” is buried deep inside of my heart
And I wish that I could have them both…

It seems natural for some of us to cheat on each other
Though sometimes it isn’t very much intentional
But to fall in love… was a mistake from the beginning
And now it’s hard to even think of getting out
Now there are two instead of one that are dear to me
Confusion seems to cloud my mind every which way

It’s so hard to choose between two people
Especially… if they mean so much
“I love you” is buried deep inside of my heart
And I wish that I could have them both
Why is it that love is so unfair?
Nothing positive seems to come from such a thing
The only thing left for me now…
Is just the love that I have for them both!

Now the negative aspect, would be loneliness
It won’t bother me, but the harm done is another story
My love for them both, is the reason why I care
So whatever they expect, I’ll give it my life
Now call me stupid and foolish for I deserve it
I would be lucky if I even get one out of the two
But the pain… hurts so much that cannot last long
But I have one last thing to say… I hope they do better than me
It’s so hard to choose between two people
Especially… if they mean so much
“I love you” is buried deep inside of my heart
And I wish that I could have them both
If I could split into two exact copies
I’d have them both, to myself
But if I have to sacrifice my life to make it up
Then so be it!
Then so be it!
Then so be it!
Because I love them both!


Details | Free verse | |

There is still Poor

There is still Poor 
There is still Poor 
 
 
Some people do not cell phone some people still do not car some people do not 
live house near by and large but sleep them under train trestles and internet 
bridges no wait eye meant of course the interstate there is places where the poor 
can hide there is places where the faces seldom cry the mission beds and 
showers all are full where would you go a camping under stars if you were poor 
where would you hide the desert is a large and grainy thing the beaches are all 
taken by the rich the ditch is inhabited by rabbits and one witch the mountain 
goats have places the fox has his own den the skunk can find a hidey hole my 
friend but where am eye to rest to sleep perchance to dream of things eye am 
with the eye 


Details | Free verse | |

Thoughts

Does it bother you to be alone?
Only when I sleep.
Your dreams are nightmares of death.
But I can't help it.
Why do I suffer more than most?
Nobody knows,nobody cares.
But is it wrong to wish they did?
Was I destined to suffer?
It makes me want to be alone.
So you dont cause others the pain you know?
You are loved.
I know I just can't feel it.
The more I love the more I feel alone.
I don't think I belong here.
Death can ease your pain.
I want to live.
But if you do...
You will hurt them.
I just want to know why.
Why what?
Why do I suffer?
Why are they glad to see me suffer?
Do they hate me that much?
I know I'm not perfect,
I just want to feel,
To feel like I matter,
Like I'm loved,
Like I'm not alone.
Iam hated.
You deserve it.
What you can do with words...
What can I do with words?
Write your feelings down.
Why?
Even if someone cared
They couldn't help me.
Why can't someone care about me like I care about them?
Your a psycho.
I know.
Your heart is black.
I know.
Then how can you love anything?
But I do.
Doesn't that mean anything?
Not to them.


Details | Free verse | |

Tired 2 0r 2 Tired

Tired  2 0r 2 Tired



There’s another hole
My right foot has sympathetically
Decided to leach me out of

Going down, disaffiliating, deflation of the day
Forgive me, eleven hours non-stop
Leaves me numb in the head

I won !
Isn’t that wonderful……………… huh what !
Yes, thank you……………………………….so much

Two coffee cups make me jitter
But don’t stop me sleepily
…………………………………………..uh… what was that; sorry ? !

Playing this slow Tangerine Dream music doesn’t help
Three shots of vodka even less
I need a pick me up

Or someone to pick me up
And put me to bed
Tuck me in and sing me a lullaby

I want to be snooky ookums cuddled drowsily
And plugged the holes in my feet
With giant pillows

Do I really need the extra money ?
Tomorrow threatens to work on me with extra-considered vigour
Gee thanks for that mañnana

Thick eyes my bleary vision sticks
As I melt into a pool of snoring dreams
Propped on my elbows staring blankly at this screen

Give it up
Save the page
Close the window

Go
To
Bed

……………………………………………uh …. Sorry …. What was that ? !








  



Details | Free verse | |

So-Called Teacher

I'm sorry I came here.
I'm sorry I let you trick me.
You have them all convinced they need you.
I do not.
I'm sorry that it seems no one cares
Whether this world is alive or dead.
May I believe in something?
May I please
Have a greater reason to live?
I wake in hopeful rebirth
I want this to work, you know that.
Our cycle:
I walk in with tranquility or determination,
My heart beats fast or slow,
I am silent or resounding.
It's not enough.
Did you plan it this way?
I see robots and I know their every move.
What do they have
That chains them to monotony?
Were they not here the day before?
Why should you live?
Don't you dare degrade my passion.
I am here to learn and live.
If you are not, 
So be it.
Had I a crueler bone, I would end your life.
Would you stop me?
Don't you say I am a blaming fool,
For I'm the one that's sorry.
I'm so sorry that I play this way.
I need it:
Love and passion.
Don't role your eyes at me.
What do you worship?
Money and half truths?
Just getting by, are you?
It hurts me.
Enthusiasm fermenting to frustration,
Mad sad, sad isolation.
Give me something more than words.
My joyfulness,
I could adore you.
I'm sorry that is wrong.


Details | Free verse | |

What Hasnt Been Named

The blood was so red,
Mixed within the water,
I tried not to look,
At what my eyes where ashamed of.
Yet it held my gaze,
Like a lover lost,
In his angels soul.

I held you tightly,
Embracing our pain,
I could feel you shake,
The fear in your tears,
Overpowering what was suppose to be,
As you called out my name,
I pulled the plug,
Wishing for forgiveness.

The tornado came,
As I watched what was once my dream,
Spiral and spin,
Its sound of thunder,
How can this be such a perfect storm,
That has yet to be named.

I ran more water,
Hot became cold,
In library time,
I recalled what was told,
Just hours before I had accepted,
Everything was suppose to be ok,
It wasn’t going to rain,
Not today not ever,
I can still see the stain.

I silently asked why,
You so loudly called out my name,
Over and over again and again,
Both asking questions,
How can we fix this pain,
Of flooding confusion…
The answers never came.

I tried not to get sick,
I tried to be strong,
As I hid your eyes,
My chest wet with your dreams,
Things started to spin,
All I could do was pray,
Please give me back,
What hasn’t been named.


Details | Free verse | |

sorry

Sorry I'm not as strong as you
Sorry for all the things I'm not motivated to do
Sorry for my obsession with knives
Sorry I'm taking my life tonight
Sorry I can't hold on for one more day
Sorry it has to end this way
Sorry your my only love
Sorry I'm not gong to heaven above
Sorry for hiding the truth from thee
Sorry I'll never get to show you the real me
Sorry I'm not trying to try
Sorry tonight I'm going to die
Sorry for saying sorry so much
Sorry I adore the sharp blades touch
Sorry I never fullfilled my dreams
Sorry for all the things I scream
Sorry its the end for me
Sorry you'll never see
What I will never be
Sorry I'm leaving you
Sorry for everthing.


Details | Free verse | |

Hell-Fire

The mild memory of rolling grasslands, the fine moisture of morning dew
Water so cool and calm
Thoughts so distant from me now, as I'm forced back to my dismal gruesome abyss
My tattered body lies frail on the harsh ground of these pathways
My eyes vacant, the color stolen from me. Now all I see is what I feel
The abundant air surrounds my body and bares down with a living weight
My skin is slowly turning to grime. I am too exhausted to move, I can hardly breathe.
The darkness crushes my frame
I forgive the evil of men, they have endured more anguish than me
This world is like hell fire. The hell fire I will slowly escape from
The suffering is finally over, and  now I'm covered in joy
As these grasslands and the moisture of dew float into my body
I feel the light from above, and finally discover that I have reached my heaven


Details | Free verse | |

Some Kind Of Joke

Smiling he cries,
gazing at the beautiful baby
he once considered unwanted
who now gives him plenty of joy.

Sadly she smiles,
reading about a cancer cure,
but too late! having already lost
her man to the dreaded disease.

Is this some kind of a sick joke,
of life giving us different endings?
when sadness we expect, joy we get,
when joy we aim for, sadness results!








Details | Free verse | |

MY JESUS

IT BEGAN!
They carried my Jesus away in chains!

They beat Him!
They laughed at Him!

They called Him a liar to His face!
His people wept!

SOMEONE STOP THEM, THEY SHOUTED!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?

HE IS THE SON OF GOD!
HE WAS SENT TO DELIVER EVERYONE FROM THEIR SINS!

They wouldn't listen!
They were consumed with evil!

They nailed my Jesus to the cross!
He endured more pain that day, than anyone has ever felt!

He could have had The Father release Him from The Cross
at any point and time!

He chose not to!
He endured until the end!
He did it for your salvation and mine!

They buried Him in the tomb!
Three days later, He rose again!

He went back to The Father in Paradise!
He went to prepare a place for His people in Heaven!

HE IS ALIVE!


Details | Free verse | |

even the stars

when each tick
of a clock is the slow
increase of distance and
there is no warmth 
anywhere because
even the stars (like me)
are too far away

when the sunset is less beautiful 
than tragic 
at the ending of another
another,
another...
and brings night dark
as regret because
even the stars (like me)
can't shine without you

when the dawn of
tomorrow is the
desperate terror that
it's closer now,
the inevitable time when
you won't care because
even the stars (like me)
burn, but eventually fade


my only answer can be "yes"
(rather, 'I should have')


Details | Free verse | |

The Things You Say

Which side wins?
No one cares to be exact,
Who cares about him biting whims,
The ones that sing you and never let you go,
He's just there to make you made,
Don't listen to a word he says,
That would make sense wouldn't it?

So how come we don't follow that rule?
It makes no sesne to me,
Why can't you just let me be,
Don't you see?
No one cares about the things you say.


Details | Free verse | |

The Hardest Question

Why?

Thats the hardest question.

When is easier. It was after.

After the baby, cacooned safely

inside of me. After she died. 

 

Why?

Again its too hard.

Who is easier. It was him.

He who promised to love me,

for better and for worse.

 

Why? 

That question's too difficult

Where is easier. In our room.

Our room with the cot in the 

corner. It was for her.

 

Why? 

Is still don't know.

What is easier. It was a knife.

A knife which slit, cut and stabbed

at my throat and stomach.


Why?

I can't remember! 

How is easier. With a casual

indifference. The anger had 

dissapeared.

 

Why?

Because of me. Because I killed

our baby girl. Not born, never born.

The pills had taken her. 

Like he took me.


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry if i made you mad
I'm sorry when your sad
I'm sorry if i hurt you
I'm sorry if i divert you
I'm sorry if i make you cry
I'm sorry if i make you wonder Why?
I'm sorry you don't love me
I'm sorry if you can't trust me
I'm sorry if i make you wonder
I'm sorry if i ever plundered
I'm sorry if i ever said the wrong thing
I'm sorry if i never stayed strong
I'm sorry if i ever broke a promise
I'm sorry if i ever spoke the wrong way
I'm sorry if i never said goodnight
I'm sorry if i never got to say goodbye
I'm sorry for all the wrong
I'm sorry i made you this strong
I'm sorry to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry if you have to worry
But most of all I'm Sorry i never loved you like you loved me





Details | Free verse | |

Life is what it is----- live it


                
In a dark and dingy room where the curtains have been opened;
And there on the screen are my past regrets;
They make up the context of my life.
As I watch I wonder what;
Could I have done something different?
And I shudder to think;
There’s nothing I could have done. 
And it causes me to wonder;
     On the screen appears a woman;
    She once loved me and has a face so beautiful
    And a sharp pain strikes at my heart; 
    And I hear myself saying “I’m sorry”
    I was afraid (say I), overcome by things;
    I’m sorry for me and more so I’m sorry for us.
    I hurt her, she hurt me and we had hurt each other;
    But life as we lived It, hurt us most of all.
So I watch these old movies from various rooms;
And often I will orchestrate a blend of;
Sad mixed with glad and love mixed with anger.
And when I look at where I am now;
There is an underlying foreboding;
And it begins to fester;
I am in great part consumed;
And I am concerned for my future;
    In these moments I often wonder;
    “Is it too late for me?
    Is there anything I should have done?
    And then I ask myself;
    Would I really change if it if I could;
    And when I reflect on the loves I have known;
    And all the intensities of my life; 
    My answer is No, so I live it.


Details | Free verse | |

Your Misery

You keep telling me
you want to change,
you want to feel happy,
peace,
better in so many ways.
Then why do you choose
to wallow in your pain?
Why do you choose
such self destructive ways?
I wish I could help you 
but I find myself stepping back.
Unfortunately,
Misery loves company...
and I won't let your misery 
try to make me it's company.


Details | Free verse | |

Non-existence

Twisted as if I am a sheet wrapped tightly in 
wind on a clothes line. 

Undone as if the clasp of my necklace has
broken.

Faded like no one notices or recognizes or
wants to hold me or hug me openly.

Sorrow is building inside myself am I alone
in this crazy world.

I am anxious to be around new people...you

people. 

My heart tightens my pulse quickens, my breath is taken away?
But why am I alone, I can't believe that or 

I would be nonexistent...


Details | Free verse | |

Sorrowful Silent Words

It's not the memory that hurts the most.
It's knowing you are gone, and I cannot go.

You were my friend, a silent confidant.
So why did I shun you like I hated you?

Now you're gone, and not words can express,
the way I feel, worse than emptiness.

My eyes burn for I didn't cry, but even the strong do from time to time.
I want to express how I feel, so I write this to show how I cared.

Even these words are not enough, to explain how I fell about what happened.
I watched you grow, I watched you learn, and yet you left me way to soon.

You were my friend, someone I truly loved.
So I sit here in sorrow, writing silent words.


Details | Free verse | |

She writes down her woes

I reach for a breathe 
But theres nothing to grasp
It chokes my slowly 
As the blood is caught up in my
Throat

This cut gets deeper 
As I run the blade agianst my wrist
At first it felt as if I was someone
Because I wasnt to late to change
A horrible mistake

I open my eyes finally
The blood everywhere 
It haunts me as the cut never heals
I get scared and start to belittle myself

It was not my desicion
To take this knife to my wrist
But it was my little voice
The taunts my mind

Suicide diaries of a young girl 
That can bring a man to his knees
Cries out for help in the only way she can
She writes down her woes


Details | Free verse | |

You Know I Did Love You

…on a Sunday morn, against the ever watchful
and furtive glances of bird feeders, who enjoy
the occasional, yet so gentle breeze; 
the vibrant façade of this kirk and voices of hummingbirds,
in the rays of my morning orb, you suddenly appear

before me, with echoes of our yesteryears;
your sad, sad face reminds me of happy, happy times 
that you once etched in my heart; now you came, with desire 
of wanting me back, I know, for I can feel it
as I listen to your whisper to the wind “I still love you!”

“Great, just great! You know I did love you, 
but it is too late now Honey!” my eyes silently answer;
…the vibrant façade of this kirk and voices of hummingbirds 
have already intertwined, with resounding wishes 
and marching of bird feeders, to part our ways, for eternity.


Details | Free verse | |

Feeble

Oh, what an imperfect mind
that jumps to conclusions,
believes in illusions.
Will you not forgive me,
for being absolutely human?


Details | Free verse | |

The Race.

Derision and torture
Accepted
Because of skin color

A hateful scorning
Beating down
Such a beautiful heritage

Never spoke as an equal
As if less
Somehow subhuman

Yet thousands perished
In the Blue’s and Gray’s
Once momentary brothers

For that common reverie
Pure and devout
Just freedoms gift…equality

Such endured sufferings
Still so many fear
To walk with a prideful step

Still holding to inferiority?
Ask RFK or Dr. King
They paid the truth for todays

They’re spirits standing on high
Washing away
The ignorant eyes of prejudice

For I have been generously rewarded
I share this gift
I see no colors amongst mankind

White or Black
Here or There
Brown or Yellow
Mountain or Desert

We are all of one race…human.


Details | Free verse | |

Easter Sundry

Easter Sundry 
Easter Sundry 
   
  
  Easter Sundry 
For the 16 0f april Easter Sunday 

Ties and coats, dresses and hats, 
oh brother, where does he think 
he is going like that, dirty and 
homeless carrying his stuff. 
Does he not knoe it is Easter? 
We are all gussied up, our money 
in hand, ready to preen and to 
prance.Where did he think he was going? 
To Church like that, all dirty and poor? 
Not next to me and my family. 
We are the members of our community. 
We are Ties and coats, dresses and hats. 
We are ready for Easter. 
Homeless is not to be seen. 
Homeless is not to be found. 
We do not want the old homeless around. 
Does he not knoe it is Easter. 

Charles Robert Hice 

Copyright ©2006 Charles Robert Hice 

Charles Hice 
  


Details | Free verse | |

First Love Lost to Life

Endless years have gone by and days of regrets permeate this thing he calls life.
Yes it was life it’s self that was the ultimate culprit; and he never knew;
He had no idea that life’s twisted turns would prevent what surely was ordained.
    Perhaps his thoughts were merely delusions; but always he believed;
    He believed it was always meant to be; and undoubtedly love would overcome. 
    His previous actions restricted him; and love did not conquer all.
Such a friend she should have been; but he was lost in a roll called possession.
Perhaps they both were; perhaps he never deserved her; like he once use to believe;
By the time he released her from ownership; it seems to have been too late.
  Now his regrets are that she’ll never truly know; that he did remember.
  He remembers seeing her for the first time; and he remembers how taking by her he was;
  He remembers how she fit; and how she was the part of him that made him whole.
Thought of now by her as but a mistake; the relationships only credibility; is the son.
A good man like his mother and unlike his father; and Grandfather Remains an empty title;
Doubtlessly proved that intention without direction ; is a vessel at sea without sails.
  And he is so sorry but it’s his life that truly has been sorry; A sorry existence.
  Once in desperation he hoped for another lifetime where together they would unite;
  But even that now has slipped away; like the sweetest love he’ll ever know; the first.


Details | Free verse | |

Tears

As I lie wiping the last tear from my eye
I am here lying in place that is unsafe
Misunderstood, hurting and crying myself to sleep
Wishing of dreams of a better life
That I know I wish would come true
Hurting in places that can’t be healed 
My feelings are more and more getting drilled 
Hurting so much that I lost the feeling to love
That I falling in hole that I can’t climb out of 
That I hiding behind shadow of fake feeling 
That I have been hurting so much that I don’t even know myself
That I wish I could see the light in hole that I wish I could climb out of


Details | Free verse | |

Accepting our loss

Such pleasure you gave 
in the short time we had,
but you were chosen
and though we are sad;
you're away from the dangers
your earthly life had,
away from things ugly
those awful things, bad... .
You brought us peace,
we can't be mad;
for your crossing over -
means an angel they add.
So proud of you,
so very glad;
from loving friends, family;
Mum and Dad 
xxxx


Details | Free verse | |

Stardust

I held my head up high in
The cloud..
The stardust sprinkle in tune
Yet waves and dance to the
Old minstrel band
With broken strings, cords all
Out of tune..
But the minstrel band just pay
No never mind,
Just played on with broken strings,
Cords all out of tune..
Life reflections undefined, in 
Depth the soul lives on..
Silently the soul whispers with
Broken wings..
The stardust sprinkle in tune
Sustain each tear,
With broken strings, cords all
Out of tune..
Yet waves and dance to the old
Minstrel band,
With silver teardrops filling the
Soul,
From broken wings, soul silently
Whispers..


Details | Free verse | |

UNCHAIN

Unchaining the chained
Is my ultimate gain
Life we live is of chain
Full of manacles and shackles

Let we unchain the chained
Legs and hands under siege
Even our head and mouth
Cannot be free of doom
Can we ever leave above the gloom?
In chain we desire freedom
For our land is full of boom.


Alayande Stephen. T
9.20am 
Sat,July 29, 2006


In the morning when I was about leaving
Aunty Rose’s house in Iba,it was 
An Environmental day in Lagos. 







Details | Free verse | |

Friends

 Friends 
Friends 
 
 
They slam my fingers in their car doors they hit me everyplace that hurts when 
eye have a sunburn and when eye have a sore a scab is soon long gone from 
punches from my friends they love to hit the face and other places hurt when my 
friends get mad at me or when they simply want to act so tough and have some 
fun what good is enemy to me when friends are one. 



Details | Free verse | |

Powerless

Your name is known throughout the land.
Everywhere your surname is spoken, it strikes fear or outrage among the public.
You take pleasure in turning others against each other.
Whether it is family or bitter rivals, you push their buttons with utter delight.
While they fight each other, you watch from a figurative box seat.
Anybody can become a victim of yours.
You feed off on the unrelenting rage, sorrow, or faults of the weak.
Even when the victims know your tactics, you find another hidden secret they hide and 
torture them.
The pain whether physical, mental, or emotional cuts so deep that their spirits shatter 
right in front of your eyes.
They lash out at you, but becomes you are calm you end victorious.
"The truth always hurts", so says the master manipulator.  
   


Details | Free verse | |

Can you forgive me?

I don't know if what I did was right?
I don't know if what I did was wrong?
In my heart, I felt it was the right thing to do
But then I looked at you
Your eyes filled with tears
Your smile was no more
You said it was ok
But I know your heart I just tore
Can you forgive me for what I've done
You said you love me and I love you
Just in a different way than you do
No one will ever fill the space in my heart that you did
No one will ever make me happier than you
That is why I had to do what I did
Or did I
Was I just making an excuse because I was scared
I think so
And now you're gone for good
I don't know what else to do except
To ask you to please forgive me 
For breaking our hearts 


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Crowns

There she sits high on her throne
the most beautifil creature in the world
she's the queen and she damn well knows it
i used tyo be her king, but now i'm just the jester
I bowed down before her and kissed her feet
I worshipped the ground she walked on
then one day she built her castle walls too high
I couldn't climb high enough
surely must I fall, I won't get back up
she knows how to take her king
and make him into a peasent
she sure knows how to take her prince
and turn him into a frog
she's just a snake slithering in the grass
how i was a fool for loving her
she, too, is a jilted lover
the kings before me, lay waste to her heart
put her emotions into the iron maiden
the men who lay with her before me
didn't deserve to share her bed
these men got away with murder
they were just sent on their way
but my crime was met with severe punishment
I loved herI'd give her the Earth, I cared for her
I begged and I begged, I loved and I loved
there's no place in her cold kingdom
for a street begger like the one she made me
she built my gallows high, she cried in laughter
as the noose fell
no, I'm not dead, just lingering around
I'm building up my strength
one day the king will return
exile the beautiful but evil witch
then the spell will be broken
the king will rise again
to claim a fair maiden as his queen
there'l come a time when you'll I'm right
and, oh beautiful queen witch
I'll point and cry in laughter
as you kneel in the rain
with a doomed look on your face. 


Details | Free verse | |

Sleepless Nights

Mind slowly broken 
Strewn across a path of scattered stones 
The vessel poured out upon the roots 
of an ever climbing tree

The lonely soul wandering aimlessly 
Never turning to look back at his mistakes 
Throws away truth 
for desire 

Instilling forever that last breath 
He weeps at a loss that will forever haunt him 
But he doesn't know how to turn back 
and say "I'm sorry"


Details | Free verse | |

Didn't mean to

I have been stung deep and hard
by other guys when I let down my guard
I thought i'd give you a chance
but just like the wind blows
so did our romance 
It blew out like a candle 
So quickly I was stunned
and all I could think of
was to get up and run

The way I handled it 
was really immature i'll admit
But a part of me felt like 
now it's my chance to get in a hit
I wasn't in love 
and I didn't want to string you along
Letting you think there was hope
would have left you worse off

I'd rather be honest with myself
 I told you it was over
and that the feelings I'd had before
had disappeared like I was suddenly sober
Actually saying goodbye never felt so freeing
I feel like saying no has brought new clarity
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to hurt your pride
But a part of me knew that it was time
I said goodbye.  

 


Details | Free verse | |

The Geisha And The Clown

 The Geisha And The Clown 
The Geisha and the clown 
Every one makes waves that pebble tossed in concentric rings 
The water in disturbance making waves and oval rings 
The vortex is descending down to mar the visage of the crown 
to make the mental man decay to make the clown to make the clown… 
He stood apart from all the rest of them so forlorn and quiet 
as a man who's only problem is his next drink of alcoholic beverage. 
When this white English man found out it was the truth he took to drink. He is the 
clown in all the town the Otis of the century 
baring his anatomy for everyone to see in public urinations 
and even defecations and predications of his sexual anatomy 
my shame was not enough to make my horror go to sleep 
eye died upon my feet eye cried but not enough 
eye craved my drink eye craved myself my life replete 
eye am the clown the very one. 
The women of the orient so very adorned with grace 
and lithe the way they move the feet was my discovery 
the poor poor feet they bind the feet 
so they can shuffle so they can look so very sweet 
as they move along so gracefully they seem to slide 
and seem to effortlessly encounter men. 
They bind the feet to make them suffer 
they torture self to make it seem divine 
And then they live for pleasure. 
But that was then and this is now and eye have won the holy crown 
may all the geisha please bow down and just forgive the clown. 
My foot is lame. The very same as bound. And now eye bow. 
  


Details | Free verse | |

Costs too much

I see the significance
after all
I finally feel the pain
of it all
as I drive by
and
count
the
marching
headstones
Every
Single
Day
of your
duplicity


Details | Free verse | |

THE PRICE FOR IT

The huge price, we have given for it

to speak ,to think,and to live

To heal my mother’s wounds and tears

My formers had given a valuable price

Her  chain of salvery hasbeen  removed  by

Their blood and tears in the prisons

Our free air is their reward to us  for that

They paid  their lives  and  souls

Our tricolour flag is flying in the sky

To invite them to this land once again

Our national anthem echoes even in the hall of heaven

to praise their work for this nation

In this day of Independence

We take the pledge to keep Her crown in this land

up to the existance of last  INDIAN

             

 

SAKTHI RAVICHANDRAN  AN INDIAN ENGLISH POET


Details | Free verse | |

Title

 Title 
Title 
 
 
Subject line and matter what's the matter there must be many abuses of the 
system close the door make a number on the card give it only to the elite one. 
The poor children die stoned in the ditch rhymes with witch. When the ruling 
factor is wealth and fame added unto name and they say who are you anyway 
what have you done today lets party and have sex behind the closed and guarded 
doors. We are all elite and the ruling force. A man does not walk like a pigeon 
toed duck. Good luck out the door just go away the lice and mice and lingering 
doubts play. Romance and faltering footsteps failing sight and failing heart. We 
knoe just what the girls say to one another and how they treat a poor old 
homeless man. They play keep away and worse they add it to the verse of every 
rhyme. Eye am eye. My title is eye. Eye is the title of the eye. Eye found October 
wine to be too decadent the label was not tasty to my eye. Eye lost the will to lust 
or fill my belly with the must of crushed and shattered grapes of dust. Please just 
skip the Halloween and bring thanksgiven to my eye. Try hard to advertise 
Thanksgiving with the popcorn that eye crave and leave the candy corn for 
children they deserve to try it out but eye could never count the kernels in my bag 
or have enough. The title is in doubt. 


Details | Free verse | |

Garden of sin

I cultivated a garden of a sin.
A garden carefully planted to attract mercy.
A sight surpassed only by 
my hanging garden of deceit.
With all my treachery reaching down
in a attempt to cover my sins.
And with each passing day I trim my vines,
in an attempt to keep my deceit at bay.
To keep its trap at bay and to save myself,
and to make its temptation retreat.
I decorate my gardens with fountains
to wash away my sins ,and to keep the seeds
of deceit at bay ;to stop them
from taking hold of this rich clay.


Details | Free verse | |

Insomniac

Stress, worry and concern keep me awake.
They nudge my shoulder if I should sleep.
We smoke cigarettes at my kitchen table,
blowing smoke-rings until late morning hours.
They sit in the ashtray giving nasty predictions
of things to come, that might or might not be.
They paint remorse in the wrinkles of my forehead
and draw anxiety rings under my eyes, 
with the ashes.

They drape over my review mirror,
on the drive to work, obscuring my view 
of suicide drivers trying to crash into my car-
they laugh at near misses
misdirecting my thoughts.

They scamper around my desk 
hiding in the paper-clip tray and pencil holder, 
sneering, throwing economic facts at me--
the high price of life; the rising cost of funerals,
the fine print in insurance contracts, 
telling me how poor the company is doing
while tossing little sprinkles of feat on my keyboard.
“Downsizing –you are next!”  
They pronounce.

Even at Sunday mass, I see them peaking-out
from under the little white envelopes 
in the collection plate, screaming at me -- 
“You can’t buy your soul back; 
never will you buy it back!
Never; never!"

I confess my fears to my priest;
advice from the Bible is given,
“Birds neither sow nor reap nor gather 
yet, your heavenly father feeds them.
Are you not of more value than they?”
I close my eyes to sleep and find an image
of a well nourished Falcon, splitting, striking -through air
with a lifeless, broken, bleeding Dove 
in his talons.


Details | Free verse | |

Under demolition

Amid his intoxicated anger,
like an ebony volcanic haze - erupted;
insanity strikes, trust dissolves.
Quaking, as an army of strewn deluge 
spirals, smothering my silhouette.

Uniform flames electricity, sparks.
Everything emotionally swirling;
I beg him to pause, be silent,
Whilst my engorged tender form
throbs,
pounding, 
spouting evidence.


Details | Free verse | |

Quickstudy

 Quickstudy 
Quickstudy 
 
 
Have you ever asked someone for help with homework and got dissed they say 
whoa you want my help or you are just wanting me to DO THIS? There is no way 
to stay a friend the girl is not the best and she is married to her test she cannot 
aid and abet the criminal in you she will not make an animal of you she will not 
help you and it is likely that you will fail in life at everything you do and falter and 
then fall no motor car no stall to buy and sell no you are a cheater after all is said 
and done there is no one that can do the work you want the girl is on her phone 
now to everyone that she shares numbers with to tell them you're a bum. And 
then the time for class has come and you do not have the answers you wrote 
them on the bones of all the people that you killed to be someone go and read 
them after dark in the text of wishing land to be a doctor or a doctor here or a 
doctor there. 



Details | Free verse | |

The scenes we left behind remain

Embedded in tormented mind , 
blood clogged fields,
dangling limbs - contorted.
Whistling ammunition,
gun fire resounds.


Details | Free verse | |

K I S S I N G

K I S S I N G 

When I was a young boy oh so many years ago, 
the girls they really teased me so incessantly, 
Bing o  is the Name o was a better one to me. 
Then K I s s I n G. 
Kay eye ess ess eye inn gee. 
Charles and Parme~ sitting in the tree. 
First comes love; then comes marraige, 
then comes baby in a baby carraige. 
And then there was the one they sang, 
that really made my head ache ring. 
Red ROver Red ROver come on over, 
when i did they locked they little arms 
and tried to knock me to the ground 
my stomach still aches with all the little hate 
of the little women that hated  me and beat me down. 
DOwn to the ground i am made of. 
And now that ewe knoe all my past 
ICI this poem at last: 
Ewe are the woman, 
Eye am the mirror, 
My heart is the trigger, 
Eye am dead. 
Love is kind. 




Details | Free verse | |

Empty, Love Stricken Heart

Even through we had gone our separate ways in life
I feel... as if were a mistake
I just can't seem...
I just can't seem to shake this feeling off
And I wish...
And I wish... to have you back in my arms again
Why does love have to be so complicated?

Now my heart... just sheds tears
A deep color of red to show you my pain
And I feel as if I'll die if... I don't have you...
please my love... come back to me
Let me show you that we were meant to be together
If I only had one wish granted...
I'd definately would pick you...
Why does love hurt so?
Why can't love hurt less?
Maybe is won't hurt... won't jurt one I have you...

Loneliness and darkness seems to be a blanket over me
And you are... the only one who can fix this
I'm sorry my love...
I'm sorry my love that I let you go
And I wish...
And I wish... to embrace you once again
Does emotions have to be so complicated?

It's like my heart... stops once a day
And more often as time passes by
And soon enough it would have stopped... completely...
But in this heart... you'll always be
Regardless of whether you'll come back to me
If only I could have my wish granted...
Then I could just live...

Now my heart... just sheds tears
A deep color of red to show you my pain
And I feel as if I'll die if... I don't have you...
please my love... come back to me
Let me show you that we were meant to be together
If I only had one wish granted...
I'd definately would pick you...
Why does love hurt so?
Why can't love hurt less?
Maybe is won't hurt... won't jurt one I have you...


Details | Free verse | |

its my fault.

i know you  thought i was going to end up being nothing.
that i was going to drop out of school,
probably get pregnant at 15.
The typical story for the type of person i use to be.
a crackhead.
a waist of time.
a i-dont-care-what-you-say type of person.
But i didnt.
i dont do drugs.
i have a kid,
but im 25, not 15.
i do care.
about many things.
my family. my career. my present. my future.
yes dad, i have a career. i didnt drop out of school.

im sorry i left.but i had to.
i know you didnt know what to do with me anymore,
but thats why i left & i wish i could tell you that.
but now its too late.
i should have stayed.
if it wasnt for me,
you would still be alife right now.
im sorry mom,dad.
im sorry.


Details | Free verse | |

Too late to Change

Can my son ever forgive me for what I have done?
Can he ever forgive me for abandoning him?
To throw him away, like he was yesterday’s trash
To forget that he was my flesh and blood,
The one who came from my loins

His teary eyes filled with pain and sorrow, 
Shall always haunt my dreams 
They shall show me the pain I have caused
The pain that I made because I did not understand
I hope he can forgive me for throwing him away
To leaving him out in the cold

Leaving him out to fend for himself
To face the worlds horrors at such age
Years pass and go by and now I see what I have done

I wish I can tell him I love him
I wish I can tell him how much he means to me
I wish I can have my child back

But it is too late
He now lies on cold marble
In a tomb to keep his body,
To lie with those that have passed on.

He was killed by those that hate,
By those that fear the unknown
I wish I could go back to that night
To that night when he told me a secret,
To the night where I lost him

I wish I could hold him one last time,
And I wish I held him that night he told me
That night when he became lost to me


Details | Free verse | |

Blue Sorrow

Blue air
on the streets and in your hair
seeping into blood still traveling
oxygen lit and sweet
Blue tears
on your palms and past your years
wept on a whim from things you've seen
slipped into cornea vaults
Blue words
on your lips and wings of birds
attached with wire as they waited
to fly your sorrow hence.
Blue day
still on the books until flown away
to the land where sadness inherently dies
and memory markers remain.


Details | Free verse | |

I'm not like you think I am

Here I go 
Here I go again
When I thought we were kool, and really my best friend is kicking  me out the door
When just the other day, we told each other, we were going to be friends till the 
end
I thought we were going to be here for each other
When I just told people you were like my best friend a.k.a brother
Even thow it doesn't seem like it, I am going to be here for you know matter what
When there's know one around, and your heart feels sorrow 
Just like it just drop to the ground
Always and forever I'll always be your friend, everyday, and tomorrow
I really did thought we had something going on
I remember when we use to  stay up  the phone
All nite we will just talk about crazy things
Like what if we had bird wings
I remember how you use to make me happy
Now we are falling apart, or we did fall apart
Now I'm wishing and praying to GOD, we still remain friends
Kow matter what we are still friends in my HEART.


Details | Free verse | |

Lost Soul

The evil incantations that spew from my mouth
has but concentrated venom embedded deep within
striking down I turn my wit upon
my verbal assualts have wounded many
and for that I am sorry as sorry can be
but scorpions only know how to sting
you can train an old dog new tricks
but I'm no dog I am a lone wolf
a wolf on the prowl for his nightly supper
with fangs sharp enough to penetrate rubber
perhaps I am salvageable
mayhap this lost soul of mine can be found
and then from my sins I ashall rebound.


Details | Free verse | |

Leave Me Alone

It'll be all right,
just hold on tight,
it's always the same damn thing,
don't give up,
hold on, you'll make it,
I'm sick of it,
all the worry,
don't worry about me,
I haven't done anything yet have I,
I wish they would all just leave me alone,
do they think I want them to worry,
especially over me?

Just shut up,
I'm fine,
for real,
I can't take all this,
it's overwhelming,
and I hate it,
leave me alone,
stop saying I'll be fine,
I won't and you know it,
so just shut up and leave me alone,
I can take care of myself,
really I can.

It's okay,
things will get better,
just shut up damn it,
I can't take this,
Do you think that badly of me,
or do you think I'm irresponsible,
though deep inside,
I know you're just trying to help,
But I don't appreciate it,
so please don't try,
I can't take it,
please, just leave me alone.


Details | Free verse | |

Grace

He knew where it was hidden
beneath the bed frame.
Assumed safe.

    By you.

The reason it remained so --

He was afraid he would
    miss.


Details | Free verse | |

I'm sorry

So many  times I have failed you. Its impossible for me to count.
Yet. Here you are . By my side. It is impossible for me to doubt.
That  you are just a phase.  Someone I will just erase,
  and pass by,  once a diploma hits my face.
Lets let it be known. I’m not the perfect son.
Let it be known I’m not a good brother.
Let it be known. I’m not  real Christian.
An let it be known,
 That I’ve failed as a friend and lover.
I have made many wrong turns In the road of life.  
Only  16  you think,
"At that conclusion how could he arrive?"
Some of you out there Think you know what I’m about.
I’ve showed you part of who I am .
And you have taken it as my whole.
Some of you look at me up here and think hypocrite, liar, and manipulator.
I showed you part of me and you took it as my whole.
You look at whose stands  by my side and feel anger, pity, or envy, 
Maybe think that person to you  is lucky, stupid, or a dummy.
Why cant she see passed his act? 
That’s right you think: act.
It's my fault/
I showed you part of me and you took it as my whole.
The thing that you don’t know is that I showed that person my whole.
Not the just the good and the bad.
But my whole.
I too find it hard to believe that by my side you stand,
You put up with so much ,
And in return nothing demand.
It must be hard for you to work so hard and see that at the end you get nothing not even a hand.
You do so much for me,
And yet I only choose to see,
What little I do for you.
Yet you still stand by me.
Strong by my side.
As if you know something that know one else knows.
 I am not perfect or great or good that is known,
But something about, keeps you in my zone.
That I am grateful for,
Ill never forget.
 And Some things I’ve done I'll always regret .
And hope they don’t come back and loosen the grip,
Between I and you.
 You are so beautiful inside and out.
And if I lose you, I lose me. 
And   flip inside-out.
And it seems as if I don’t care until it is all about to be over. 
You realize the only positives about me have faded into times no longer.
I’m sorry. I’ve done wrong and it’s holding me back. 
I tell God to do as he wishes as long as he don’t take you back.
You’re my second guardian angel. 
With a very human disguise
But I can see passed it whenever I look in your eyes. 
So   stay strong.  Please…For me.
I betrayed you I’m sorry  Please don’t leave my behind.
I need you. I want you. I love you. Bye.


Details | Free verse | |

Lament

My Mother is always behind my achievements 
And when I achieve something I used to tell her 
She feels happy and I used to cry
For my mother has done all the hard work to raise me up
She always bothered about my ups and down
She has now become old, as I have grown up
She now needs my help to be comfortable
She orders me and I respond with all happiness
She now depends on me
So I stay with her till she sleeps
One day she ordered me to get married
Just to see my bride and me happier
I got married to give my mother more support
Now my wife also takes care of my mother
Only thing I feel bad is that my mother is lonely without me
And after my marriage I could not afford to give her time
For everything now is so busy with me
She used to ask me where are you my son?
I used to explain her with the reason
And yes I want to take care of her the same way as before
But it is not to be
As my work increased 
And I now feel unfortunate
As I’m unable to serve my mother completely 
With my busy schedule 
That makes me lament about it.

 


Details | Free verse | |

Mentor and Tormentor

a skinny, dreamy-eyed boy in a suburban Jesuit school 
showed up in your English class...to learn a bit of class.

you taught me Milton, introduced me to Stevenson,
made this boy make sense out of words 
directly lifted from some popular tunes;
I learned the power of the written word -
you taught me well, teacher.

you corrected my grammar, fixed my structures,
differentiated between verbs and participles,
showed me rhymes, showed me reasons –
how well you taught me, teacher.

now I’m grown-up tinkering with words without
your guidance and doing just fine, thanks to you;
a testament to how well you shaped, molded me - 
you taught me well, teacher.

I tried writing songs and lyrics that made sense,
remembering the lessons you handed me down  
long ago, the imprints and legacy you left me -
you taught me oh so well, teacher.

after many years passed we met once again…
hey, how are you, teacher, how have you been?
how have you been yourself, Fred, it’s been quite  
a while, let’s get together again soon.

showed you a few of my stuff, showed you some
of my lines for critiquing, for things I may have
missed; you started off with a poem I had hoped 
to turn into a song, one of the few  that I was
quite so proud of, a labor of sweat and love…

which you then returned complete with your
editing, or was it fault-finding? putting me in a
shock for after your thorough dry-cleaning, 
none of it remained, swept by a tornado.

you wanted me to change almost everything  
and rewrite them according to your style, 
leaving me practically with nothing but the title!

well, thanks, teacher, for everything, I don’t need   
your critique, this is not high school anymore;  
no thanks for making me feel like I was the   
dumbest boy in your high school English class.

You were my mentor once and I thank you.

Now you’re a tormentor and I don’t appreciate it at all.



Details | Free verse | |

The boy is not the MAN.

The boy is not the MAN. 

A boy is different in his youth 
in his incorrupted ways of youth. 
The MAN has been absorbed by his lack of time 
and his dollar signs in place of eyes that he once had like boy. 
Taking things from boy and filing them into dump 
away from boy into the final dump. 
Because he just cant see the heart of boy. 
It means so much to the boy those stupid rocks? 
he spent days and months just gathereing those rocks? 
those rocks that I must just toss away? 
What was boy thinking. 
I just cant sell them 
they will bring to me no whiskey. 
What has boy done. 
Pain is real pain no matter if it is real 
or just imagined. 


Details | Free verse | |

All Alone

Im all alone in my confiding tears.
wondering what i did wrong, maybe its my fears.
i cannot hide my pain, that i have inside.
i will not say that i dont care, because it would be a lie.
Falling into an illusion of my unwanted world.
whyd it hurt so much when you left my side.
whyd it touch my heart when you said goodbye?
i cannot control myself i will not guess.
i know exactly whats wrong,
Its that thing underneath my chest.


Details | Free verse | |

short yet sweet

can those Teary Eyes find Beautiful
elegant Lust filled 
sunsets?
and can those Tarnished arms find Peace
underneath of a long black t-shirt
sleeve?
this simple Sustain of  Peace is all there is
and unfortunately all there can ever be.


Details | Free verse | |

No more

There’s no pain i feel inside
   No more happy moments that i remember 
No more feelings left for you
  No more emotions coming up beneath my skin
Not a single thought of you hunt me 
  All dreams of you disapeared infront of me
And thankfully no more tears of mine falling from my eyes
  No expression left on my face 
My skin is un-naturaly pale 
  No man to love
No more lies and broken heart to deal with
  No more life for me to live


Details | Free verse | |

My End/My Salvation

If I could ever walk away,
Let my pain come to an end.
I could be so happy,
Everything would be just fine.

But this blade is my salvation,
Come to save me from this pain.
Just one pinch is all I’ll need,
To realize this eerie end.

And  I can see the moon light shining.
But it just can’t lighten my mood.
This end is all I have now,
Heaven, I’m coming to you.

Don’t think you can change my mind.
Its to late in the game.
I can feel my heart, it’s racing. 
This pain is all the same.

But I can feel the moonlight fading.
And the street lights growing dim.
Strength isn’t what  it used to be, 
Sometimes you’ve just got to give in.


Details | Free verse | |

AND WE LIED

I fixed my gaze
On her twirling sexy eyes
Stripping her naked in my seclusions
Even with her Jeans still on
Hmmm . . .
And we lied.

Two and half years ago
Was the day my
Adam in the hood last
Spoke to an Eve,
This was my yarn.

Six of years ago was hers'
When she last felt the warmth 
Of an Adam in the  hood
Of it here or the one that
Crossed the Red Sea, I know not 
Indeed, that was her tale.

I sent an errand through her heart
Saw in it a white dancing wary lie.
And she sent her eye lashes
Piercing through my puzzling mind
She felt the lie in my cagey smile.
She sighed . . .
And we both lied.


Alayande Stphen. T
Tues ,2nd,August, 2006
5.49pm

It is still me and her in our solitude
Stemming from the Still Waiting poem.


Details | Free verse | |

negotiable beauty

That’s what she was, what she thought of herself.  That: the title—negotiable beauty, looks for 
sale.  She was a work of art, all right.

And she was full-service, the whole act.  She figured out what you needed and provided it, an 
engulfing fantasy, a gestalt of lies.  What you never got, what no one ever got, was her, the real 
person, the core creation.  After a while she never got that either.  Maybe it didn’t exist.  

I only knew what she showed me:  the candied apple, the Tunnel of Love, The Wild Mouse, 
thespunsugarcorndogdietcokediet, the whole nonnutritive unsustainable Emotional Carnival.  
Did I mention the House of Mirrors?

She showed me mes I didn’t know I had.  She showed me who I could be:  A wreck of 
dependency, jealousy, and lust, spending whatever sacrifice it took for an hour… a look… a  
mouth.

A month.  A month to move from a preoccupation with sex to fantasies of violence; from 
screwing to striking, then confusing the two.

Time only ends.


Details | Free verse | |

Voices Beyond The Grave - Fictional Poem

As I walk through the cemetery
Looking at the many headstones
I come across one of a mere infant
Whose life expired well before the time
Of her impending birth 
A flood of memories fill my mind
I hear the cries of little babies
I hear the sound of children playing
And I hear a child scream with rage,
"How could you do it Mommy?"

I thought I could escape from my demons 
That won't let go of my mistakes
I scream and sob for I thought it was over
I thought my sins died with my children
Who were butchered at my behest
Blood drips from my hands
All of a sudden a bloody knife appears in my hand
And I hear the taunts of many childlike voices hollowing
"You slaughtered us! You left us to die!"
I hear the tiny footsteps of children approaching
I was horrified at what I saw
I see the faces of my babies 
Ghost white with tears of blood 
Dripping down their cheeks
Trembling with fear I shake violently
Begging for an end to my torment

At that moment I felt a light tap on my shoulder
My husband trying to wake me
From my haunting nightmare
He knows what I was dreaming
So he takes me in his arms
Giving me a long embrace
Then he tells me that it is 
Time for me to forgive myself
Because my children are resting peacefully
In Heaven with Jesus
And that one day I will get to hold them in my arms
And look at their beautiful faces
Finally getting the chance to be their Mother
After a lifetime seperated from them


Details | Free verse | |

Solitude's Lashing.

A piece of my mettle falls
Despoiling the papered faces
Control lost as another descends
Past moments dripping away
Thereafter…constant

Individual bits of my essence falling
Exposed of crystalline fragility
Unnoticed and tacit traces
Breaking off to wholly decrease
Myself…fading

Tenure of uncounted moments
Deep within my possession
Unseen behind dark sunglasses
Afraid to reveal the millions of you
Jewels…uncut

Holding a core of caprice desires
The whimsy of you in thoughts
Prayers offered within dreams
Everyone falling in aging descent
Wanting…solace

Alas, all my possessions offered
To breathe of your sounds again
And fill these vacant corridors
Instead immersing in old photos
Yellowing…stained


Details | Free verse | |

The Last Goodbyes

I want to say i love you,
but it wouldnt be true.
I want to say i need you, 
but i dont have a clue.
and as i closed my eyes,
a tear dropped down,
when you told me you loved me,
i fell to the gound.
i tell you im not in love with you,
and you walk away.
i have no clue what to do,
ive lost all my words to say.
you turn and look at me,
and my tear filled eyes,
and now i know, 
these are our last goodbyes.


Details | Free verse | |

Empathetic (man)

Everyone makes jokes at partees and laughs 
And smokes and drinks, there are the mind controllers 
And the power freaks, but not many ex-Marines. 
They just do not seem to need the glitter and glitch 
Of partee life eye have never used a wheelchair am not sorry about that am glad 
that eye can have my walk if not my run 
An old man does not top a bluff and run willy nilly down a bluff but stops 
And finds a path to just walk down the hill 
Today eye feel 
the pain of wheelchair bound and wonder at his plight. 
Was he a marine ruined in a fight or just some strang desease that keeps him 
sitting there please GOD eye make this prayer 
Please help the wheelchair bound and lift him up. 
Mye empathetic prayer is Thank you 
For my walk. 


Details | Free verse | |

Realizing

I asked of you to tell me the truth
And as you did
I cried
And hoped that it was all a lie
But it was true
I'm sorry i didn't know what else to do

After thinking bout it day after day
I realized i was stupid
Acting in this way

Luv is something I want of course
but it cannot be forced
It takes two
And between me and you
There was always only one
It is no wonder that everything is done

Though my wish to be with you
Will never ever come true
I hope that you get to be with
The person that you have always truly wanted

I say good luck to you
for as long as your happy
I'll be happy too


Details | Free verse | |

Love resurrected

My heart is wrung
like sodden sponge;
my eyes do leak,
as Heavens weep.
All, heavily dejected.

My arms do ache;
as 'they' undertake.
My mind does pound
like bells resound.
Tormented and rejected.

Yet, all is not -
in death forgot;
for still I know,
although you go;
your love is still injected.

So go to rest,
I'll stand this test,
soon, we'll meet again
for now, Amen;
my dear, so well respected.



Authors note

Looking for form for this one, on basis of a,a,b,b,c?

Authors notes

Trying to ascertain form if anyone has ideas on rhyme pattern of a,a,b,b,c?


Details | Free verse | |

Like or Love

You speak of your love
But is what you say true 
Do you really love me 
Or do you just like me
I lay awake at night dreaming 
Dreaming of what it would be for you to love me
I like you 
But do I love you?
Do I like you as a friend?
Or as something more?
These questions are running through my head
Will I ever like you as more than a friend?
You flatter me with compliments
And shower me with attention
I don’t want to lose you as a friend
Why would I knowingly risk losing your friendship?
You are one of my best friends
I want you to always be my friend
But dating you might ruin what we have
I am not going to risk losing you as a friend
But if I ignore your feelings I might just do that
I need to set you straight
What would you do if I did like you that way
Would you still treat me the way you always did
I don’t want to change what we have as friends
If we dated and had a bad breakup
Then I would lose my best friend
I tell you all my secrets
Maybe one day I will realize we are made for each other
But for now I just want to be friends
Is it still possible to be friends?
Or have I already lost your friendship?
If I have then I will be lost without you
You are what stops me from shutting off from the world
Without you I would have never make friends
I would sit in class thinking of how life could be better
I would never have realized some of the hobbies I have
I would stare out the window waiting for life to begin
I am lost without you
I am glad I met you
If this is the end I am sorry
I will leave you to your thoughts
I am sorry if I ruined your life
I won’t ever do it again
Goodbye


Details | Free verse | |

Regret

Once again I am alone
In this cold, empty house.
Just one simple night
Of misguided warmth and affection...
And passion.
Now love is finally dead,
And it was I who prolonged 
Its suffering,
And I who struck the final blow.
But I mourn its passing.
I am free, like a bird,
Finally free to soar...
Yet I am grounded,
Weighed down by guilt,
Paralyzed with fear.


Details | Free verse | |

A Repentant Soul

A young man search for light
Yet, his uncaring frat 
Blinded his sight!
Himself on the ground,
Where there’s no one around;
Except the warbling creatures,
On a tiny branch, in folly they swing
To comfort his wounded feeling,
Till they’re shunned away, 
By the raging winds, of autumn in gray!
Rising from fall, he feels the morning mist,
Lending him the freshness he needs;
In his heart, he doesn’t want to miss,
The eternal words, to be spoken
To the brethren, 
By the destined seer!
For forgiveness and guidance,
To the Almighty, he prayed, earnestly!
Because of his repentant soul,
He regained his sight, anew!





Details | Free verse | |

The Blonde Next Door

My thoughts
drifting between rhyme
and un-rhyme.

A scenario, I write
where
me and you, we lovingly pursue our dreams.

I am blessed, sure I am,
but when my thoughts awaken 
in reality, you are 

happily married to someone
with three kids.
And I sigh…ahh!



Details | Free verse | |

Unpredictable

 
Oh yes dear, I have read
your poem. So, you are on 
hand for my loneliness

and you believe, 
we could 
regain our lost hours, some of that 
old scent, lingering in our skin

every time  I kissed you. Often, 
you were fond of me, but I am 
different now, unlike yesterday 

when we used 
hand in hand strolling the sea 
of love, where seagulls watched over us 
and envied our morning walks. Ah, 

sweet memories wither 
like flowers and no one will ever know
who you’ll be in your next write.


Details | Free verse | |

MeloncollY BabY

Meloncolly Baby 
MeloncollY Baby 
Homesickness threatens me what with the World Wide Web at my fingertips 
Eye just smurfed a place that used to be my home before the SATAN came 
The place looks just the same as it ever was eye used to walk those streets 
Eye used to live those streets and almost eye was thrown away in that place. 
The bricks inside that building will all decay and fill a hole of great despair 
The entire city needs to burn to be destroyed to get the edges of the sword 
Eye cannot believe the sun is still ashining on the Stalingrad's hill. The place of 
vengeance of the scorpions the place of the passing of my shadow the sight of 
places eye remember has made me loose has made me useless. 
Eye remember far too much comeuppances hate has ruled their daytime lives. 
The city built of MAN will face the Judgment of its GOD and now the sins of this 
one man have been forgiven him. We only live until we die. 
No, eye am not proud to be American or proud to have no home eye am not 
proud of anything that eye have done just glad to be away from that Queer City of 
the sun. Homesick not. Homeless in America Homeless but eye won. 


Details | Free verse | |

Meatsy

Shifted child 
hither and away
ripped roots clipped
soil untended
uncertain tender shoots
beneath the snow
fear spring thaw


Details | Free verse | |

SOS

Seeing children starve before me
Knowing their future won't be a cup of tea
Living on this desperate earth
One that judges death and birth
Feeding them rice
Knowing proper nutrition would be nice
Let us throw them a feast
Ravishing in the end
We are the beast
I see them crying out before death
Wheezing finally taking their last breath 
This is the world of the third
Now I hope their message was heard 


Details | Free verse | |

Julio's


Wanting to forget

I try to convince myself that you don't really exist
You are just a voice that lingers in my soul
Slowly eating at me altering all reality

Then I see you from a distance
My heart begins to shatter again
I reminded by what you did to me

I try to let the rain wash away the pain
But the pain will always remain
Locked away deep inside

Trapped by the loneliness 
Entwined by the betrayal
And kept alive by the emptiness 

I pray to forget you
Let you fade away so I can go on
But your voice has engraved itself in my memory

Consuming me further into this nightmare
Leaving me lost
And forever bound to the pain
i love you so much. why did you have to be a brat
i wish that you didn't have to tell me that
i love you so much i'm indifferent
i hate to say this, but i look at you different

i love you so much. are you a fraud
i wish things could be different, but i guess not

i love you so much; no, i have to pay
did your really love me, or do you just play

i love you so much; i'm just a funny, simple guy 
now, i would do anything just to have you nearby

i love you so much; what should i do
now, i guess i have to play the fool

i love you so much. do i have the right to be mad
or am i just a selfish young man

i love you so much, i thought we had something going
i thought that our love was growing

i love you so much, i hope everything works between you and him
but if not,  i will always be here for you through the thick and thin
i love you so much, even though i want you to work it out
i'll be here for you, without a doubt


Details | Free verse | |

Backstage

Hey. Maybe he should take a bow
(All new prospects watching now)
So he's played the part  before
Exits never leave him bored
Exits are his cry his cry for proof
Better safe then sorry now...
Not for him some ordinary girl.
You're a bit player in a one man show
If you're confused, get use to it
You haven't seen his acting yet...
He'll act and act (and believe)
You really had a say in this
He'll ask exactly what you think
Then blame your faulty reasoning
So maybe you should take that bow
A graceful exit beats a deathwatch now
No, of course...I don't know everything
(I'm just some ordinary girl)
But better safe then sorry now
He loves to leave
It makes him safe, keeps you brief
All new prospects, they're watching now
Let them break a leg, you take that bow


Details | Free verse | |

This Hole

With my tears i fall, into the hole you dug.
with my breath i call, for you to hug.
how much do you think you hurt me?
its more than what you know.
I was one heartbeat from loving you.
but now im all alone.
i cannot beleive i cried over what you did.
all my time all my heart.
all of that you spread apart.
i need to get stiches, 
for my shaddered heart,
i need to find comfort,
because i cannot stand the pain
Yes we can still be friends,
but i dont know how i can substain.
i have all the friends you have.
but it is too hard for me to look at you.
all mly feelings come out, and i dont know what to do.
so now i say goodbye to my crys for you.
for my love has been buried in a hole.
i cry and cry until all my tears are gone.
no slits on my wrists.
i know i didnt do anything wrong.


Details | Free verse | |

The place within the fire part III

my world of tidal waves and sinking cities has not surprised me
of falling towers and other such horrors
its like ive accidentally seen them coming
and now I hate this world thinking I'm some sort of god
stuck in the middle of everything
inspiring mirrors of muses and masterpieces
and sometimes i wonder if god mad me bite off more than i could chew
but htat fire within
that crime i had to do
to save my life
i never meant to comit
i would be dead if i didn't 
and maybe your daughters too
and now word of mouth
two towns and sa city know about a crazy guy 
who went nuts in a big way
from some drug
but no one knows the whole truth
until this hits the streets and comes circling round
and the police will have to admit
i'm either more criminally minded than i care to realise
or it was all an accident
or that house was truly haunted

but i'm a tired soul
a lonely heart
and my pillow is swollen 
from tears of nightly torments of the radio
My story goes on
this legacy continues
and i care more for you than i let on
and i hate the world sometimes for the way it has happened to me
more than you will ever know

but i am strong
and i am weak
i find love and hold onto it
until they find a way to remove it from me 
or i poison myself another way
but i dont lie
and i dont hide
I'm not a murderer
I'm not arapist
I'm not a sex offender
just someone who lost their mind from drugs
just about got murdered heard some bad news and had to get away
and it haunts me everyday
it has haunted me for years
it has tormented me
and i know i am guilty
but i also saved more than just my life
and i think thats worth more than one room of your house
so i hope you keep that in mind

wehn I publicize 

the letters 

i have written to hitmen
who i know are out looking for a bounty
to stalk this miracle with a gun
my days are numbered again
and this phoenix needs to be reborn
but how many lives and chances do i have?

the place from the fire within 
was the beginning of an wscape and a new chapter of my getaway
and a new grape of wrath
and an endless book of self rejection and emotional scars
that hopefully one day heals
for now work on you
i know nothing will be the same

but at least you have your sanity
and mine is questioned everyday!


Details | Free verse | |

Listen

Listen!
Can you hear it?
Can you hear you mind?
Can you hear you conscience?
Can you hear it?
If you can listen to what it is saying.
You should know what is good and what is bad.
Do the good things that it tells you to do.
Don’t try to ignore it.

My conscience told me to do many things.
Some good,
     Some bad,
And some that could go either way.
I did most of the good things.
Although I did do some of the bad things,
    I have done many things in the life that I have had so far.

You could try to out do me in doing things,
     But I will probably beat you some time down the road.
I am not proud of some of the thins that I have done,
     But I have done them. 
I have been punished for  the bad things.
I also have been forgiven for most of them.
I am good at doing bad things,
     but so is everyone else.
It is the good things that are the challenge.
That is why I say life is always a challenge.
You should live it your fullest and try to do good things,
     And try to keep from doing the bad ones.


Details | Free verse | |

Self-Esteem! Good or Bad?

Look away.
Turn your head.
Don’t look at me,
     For I’m not worth looking at.
Don’t put me in your pity.
Don’t feel sorry for me,
     For I’m not worth that either.

I have bad self-esteem,
     But in my dreams,
     Do I realize,
     That I could have a good self-esteem.

Take me in as your friend.
I will not betray you. 
I feel good about myself.
I don’t need or want,
     To look like anyone special.
I feel I look good in my own style.

This is only in my dreams.
I might act differently in public,
     But inside I feel like I need,
     To hide in a dark room.
Inside I am full of:
     Jealousy,
     Anger,
     Sadness,
     Loneliness, 
     And depression.


Details | Free verse | |

My Poems

My Poems 

My Poems 
   
  
  My Poems 
My poems are my living. 
My living is my poems. 
I will always be alone. 
My girl (whoever she may be) . 
I could not have met her yet. 
That is what confuses me. 
She is still breathing. 
I cursed the day I saw her. 
I will always be alone. 
Sex is meaningless? ? 

Charles Robert Hice 

Copyright ©2006 Charles Robert Hice 

Charles Hice 


Details | Free verse | |

I Ask For Your Forgiveness

I know I messed up
And I know it's mostly my fault
I should've kept my mouth shut
And I'm sorry that I... didn't
I know it's hard to
Forgive something like that
Because someone else did the same thing to me
And I was in the same position as you

But I figured
It's partially my fault
Because I led her to believe
She'd make a good couple
With someone else besides me
I'm asking you
To please forgive me
You don't have to talk to me
But please let me know
If you are still
Mad at me

It's only been a few hours
Yet it seems like so many years
Since I made you mad
And it is hurting me
I can't keep pretending
To be happy forever
Because little by little. everyday
I lose a part of myself

But I figured
It's partially my fault
Because I led her to believe
She'd make a good couple
With someone else besides me
I'm asking you
To please forgive me
You don't have to talk to me
But please let me know
If you are still
Mad at me


Details | Free verse | |

Occams Razor


A finger is pointed from you. 
Three of them curling around 
pointing write back at you making you frown. 
Judgement is harder to do 
than you have the ability to pounce on my noun. 
My words were meant to display a real function. 
Perhaps to envoke jealousy even to make you feel better. 
Not a contest of wills or a joust of mere words. 
Just wagging the tounge is what MOST of you do. 
Thoughtless and stupid and hurting words will come true. 
The Karma is inevitable and crashes and burns. 
We may have meant well but both of us learned we were wrong. 
Life is a melody played out like a song. 
Living is harmony taken from song. 
The razor edge coming around like this letter. 
I have always liked the discordant sounds. 
The sevenths and minor keys play a sad melody. 
The razor cuts you and then rotates to cut me. 
The judgements of men not of GOD. 
Fussing and fighting and jealousy. 


Details | Free verse | |

love is eternal...

dedicated to my deceased only brother, joshua

i wish you could see beyond my tears
see past the fog that never clears
when i was with you i was okay
but once you left my sanity faded away

i cant take back what's already been said
it’s the question of forgiveness that I dread

my sanity faded when you didn’t show
you were gone for good and now i know
the grief and pain that lurks within
and reveals itself when my days begin

you were my hero, my role model, my friend
until that day that it all had to end

your death left me in a haze
emotional numbness had enveloped me in itself
i felt like a blind man lost in a maze

I cant take back what's already been done
i now realize that its just begun

as i write my throat swells 
tears stream down my face
my heart is broken from the inside out 
and i never miss a moment feeling out of place

it seems that  sleep is my only retreat
all my days only foretell defeat 

weeks after your departure i hallucinated to ere a voice
it told me to endure the thing that hurt me the most
I replied to the anonymous delusion -

why? 
love is eternal that for my brother, 
FOREVER i will grieve 
i love u josh


Details | Free verse | |

GIRL

Girl
   
 
  Girl
I loved the dark haired girl, 
I loved her with my heart, 
She made my face to shine, 
and love did fill my heart.
But when she turned and walked away, 
my heart did fade away.
there is no love left inside of me, 
I'M worthless anyway.
Now I know what love was I don't want 
it anymore, A cup of coffee
in the morning and food at night.
No lunch for me
No fun for me
Why Oh Why
Worthless

Charles Robert Hice

Copyright ©2006 Charles Hice 

Charles Hice 

 
 


Details | Free verse | |

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I'm a horrible person
I'm sorry you think I stole
Sorry I wanted be friends with someone
Sorry they talked to me
Sorry you think my life is perfect
I'm sorry
Why can't I change
Why can't I be what you need
Why can't I know all the right things
Right things to say
Right things to do
Right things to prove I do care
Prove that I love you
That I would never hurt you
I'm sorry sister
How can we fix this
How can we heal the wounds we have
Wounds caused by others
But reflected on each other
Fix them before we cause too much damage
Before we lose each other


Details | Free verse | |

Difficult

Some times it feel lonely and hard just to focus on the 
concept you have no matter what you think they will be 
there but turns out you turned your back on them and there
is no where to go all you can thnk of is them and no matter
what may happen you know you will always love them trying 
to forget the pain you put them through all u can think of is 
them and no its so hard but now you know that you truly
love them you ca only think of them and no one else all 
you feel is there presenced and nothing else 


Details | Free verse | |

Perfect Fit

I was the one who gave freely,
I gave you my lips, my hand, my heart
Without a second thought I let go of everything that told me 
“Beware soft looks and soft touches..”
Whether you wanted it or not, 

We were both swept up in the ideal
You told yourself to forget, believing that with time
It wouldn’t matter that I didn’t fit the mold, 
Because my hand fit yours
At first, we were blind to everything but each other.
We could have taken on the world if it decided to wage war on love.
Little slips and little lies, to calm us when we’d wonder why
We couldn’t have the things we need, the things that you thought you’d find in me
I am not the ideal; I am not the picture of beauty and sanity
But for a moment in time, so brief that it leaves my mouth bittersweet,
I was yours and you were mine, and everything fit because we believed it did.


Details | Free verse | |

DEPTHS

 DEPTHS 
DEPTHS 
 
 
Miserable torn from heart day walking endless walk bus stops beside me to see 
if eye am a fare or just a poor delay perhaps the tonight show band has emailed 
me again to ask the charlax to come to the show and read a poem there in 
Hollywooded land the Today show wants me in NEW York to read the poem that 
eye made about the Hurricane down south eye am sorry oh my darling have eye 
hurt ewe with depression with my overactive mouth there would be a later time to 
void it out to kill the after taste of bitter fruit eye leave the depths of modern casual 
replies to such as lies in television land and search my heart for pieces of a 
flower petal torn in twain from the jawbone of this personage proclaimed the 
magnified replies eye am just another incandescent light bulb phased out of all 
the lies of the dragondinosoreus plinking time to plum the depth to plumb the 
depths. 



Details | Free verse | |

Fear

Fear
No one is immune from fear there is some that is still healthy there down deep 
inside of ewe ewe need that fear of GOD to live to keep from giving in to the fight 
or flight the principle they taught to every man as gospel to survival. No the 
redneck does not win the sneak thief in the night time came to learn the fear to 
lesson men to teach them things better left alone to play as men but always 
staying boys they try to further fear as some supernatural beast and lose the very 
things they steal.  A boy becomes a man when he leaves his toys alone. When 
he grows up some. When he learns to walk alone. When he can walk away from 
fight and kill no one and let the boys go home and lose his fear.


Details | Free verse | |

im sorry, i pray


Im sorry for not being the son you wanted me to be,

I pray that you can forgive me.

Im sorry for not taking my talent to the highest level,

I pray that its not too late.

Im sorry for not being the best that i can be,

I pray that you can give me another chance.

Im sorry for all those nights i layed down and cried,

I only pray that you heard me.

Im sorry for always feeling so sad, feeling so confined,

I pray that you can understand why.

Im sorry for being so limited, so afraid of life,

I pray that you can help me.

Im sorry for being me.

I pray. For i am so far from where i could've been.
 
 


Details | Free verse | |

The Warder

The Warder 

The old man spine was bent his head was hanging at an awkward angle he 
searched the ground while he was walking for what he could not have stopped 
and picked anything up. The cane was fancy one with a hook for a handle his hat 
was piled up high to keep the sun and wind away his coat so thick to keep the 
rain away he did not just walk he warded the elements away the warder walked 
in boots of rubber so oversize but on this man they did not seem clownish or 
childish they fit him to his size a large and gentle man his bedroll hung on a 
strap beside him hanging down swinging while he walked the most important 
part of all his gear for winter come. The thing eye noticed most was this survivor 
walked in hope and quiet solitude not moping or depressed he gave me hope 
this warder perhaps he even knoes who GOD is? 
 
           
 
 
 The Warder 
 


Details | Free verse | |

feelings

I'm lost,what should I do.
Tell me,i'm so lost.why are my
feelings hurting.
Why are you not here with me.
I know life goes on.
My feelings shadow over me.
It feels like I can't see my way 
through.

I couldn't except the fact that i'm
hiding my feelings towards people.
I was mad at the world,
Nothing to do,but blame myself for
not being there for her.
I close my eyes and dream and see 
a image of us when were little.

smiling and swinging on a swing and
say why.
Life isn't fair,I try to forget the pain..but
my feelings couldn't heal in time.
It was a scar that was inbedead for life.
I look up at the sky and say I say say 
goodbye.
but I try too go on with my life........


Details | Free verse | |

The Light from The Dark

There is a line
Running across my world, 
A line that divides
The Light from The Dark

Two sides to every story,
Two sides to everyone
Two sides in my mind
The Light from The Dark

The things I fear,
The things know one knows,
The things I regret,
The Light from The Dark

The reasons I smile,
My dreams and my hopes
Family and friends of mine
The Light from The Dark

If that line should disappear,
There would be a war, I fear.
Then there would no longer be,
The Light from The Dark.


Details | Free verse | |

Sewn Shut

I’m too stressed to speak,
I’m too stressed to breathe,
With every breath I take I feel like I’m dying slowly.
I feel captivated by the pain and silence
As I sit here and listen to the pure silence of our relationship.
This relationship seems as if it’s dying as slowly as I am
At times I doubt that I can go on, 
but something inside me tells me to stop.
Stop doubting it,
Stop questioning it,
The pain is overwhelming and with every tear I shed the questions start to swell.
As my vision blurs my love for you is doubted
Will this love be strong enough to stand the lengths of time?
I ask myself this everyday and I feel like I’m losing my one and only love 
I once said you completed me but now it feels as if I have lost myself
Lost myself in the wrath of the silence that chokes me fiercely
I don’t want to loose you, 
but these questions aren’t being answered
and I fear the inevitable will surely happen.
I’m sorry my true love Adam.


Details | Free verse | |

Answering Machine

Tired
and its raining
lonely
and so jaded
are you there?
The place you would be?
Are you happy?
Are you thinking of me?
Tired
the wind calls your name
lonely
and its all your fault
Are you there?
Can you answer me?
Are you smiling?
Are you thinking of me?

Broken hearted
I'm calling out to you
corrosive love
I've been the fool
desolation
and destitute
falling in love
I've fallen victim
fell for you

Are you home?
Can you hear me?
Will you pick me up?
Answer the machine
Tired
I can't take it anymore
accompanied by my broken heart
Are you there?
Are you alone?
won't you answer me?
Know that I love you
Answer the machine!


Details | Free verse | |

Pisces

Oh, if you peep thru the window 
Of my soul you will see the real me 
Not the one you’ve read from the book 
Of ever daunting shadows
Not the image portrayed by the world 
Of silent scraggy whisperers 
I regret not, if you chose not to
Open your heart for me 
I pity not, myself, if you believed more
On the magical power of zodiacs
Of eternal love, where Sagittarius prince meet 
The peasant Gemini in parallel realm of wonders
You locked your mind without even trying
Or, at least you gave time the benefit of doubts
Of knowing the true me, the Pisces 
Sad, indeed, that your reckless ego betrayed you
By the glitzy offers and folly of materialism
Still, you’re in me, just peep thru the window 
Of my soul you’ll see yourself, but…a memory
For it’s too late, I now have Aquarius twins



 


Details | Free verse | |

When I Lied

I hear 
The rumbling cloud,
As I sit
On a rocking chair;
Long silence…
Then, the rain fall, like angel’s tears;
Today’s sky is gray, for me, and for my god; 
But, when the sun start to peek,
And, smile like before;
I know,
She has forgiven me.
 


Details | Free verse | |

Feelings Hurt

Feelings Hurt
   
 
  Ewe can not sing to me when eye am sad.
Depression weighing down my brow.
A crown of thorns upon my forehead bleeding.
A frown upon the lips meant for kissing.
Wondering iff eye am bound to miss.
Pleasentries ammassed bequeathed to me, 
wandering away from me, as i wonder witlissly, 
as i wander aimlessly away from thee.
Struggiling amid the glory that will soon be mine.
Eye take myself to task, eye must not ruin bliss.
Sing to me my angel ewe, bring me words of love, 
again eye ask ewe love, to be my deliverence.
I look on love askance, from my distant planet, 
the place that eye am at, the snow upon my
covenant.Love should be my armament.
Where art thou Juliet ewe.
Bring to me my new delivery.
Kiss me eye am thirsty.
Bring to me my ewe.
My Violet Heart.
My Parme Love.
My Mourning Dew.
My new ewe. 

Charles Hice 
 
 


Details | Free verse | |

Like a Shadow

Like a shadow that passes by,
Like a bright-less star in the sky;

You’re fading away,
Your existence is being concealed,
I desperately cry for you
To reappear…
Forgive me,

Like a shadow that touches my skin,
Seen, but it’s only an illusion;

Forgetting the past,
But I’m always in its memory,
Forgive me,
And let your forgiveness set me free,

Like a shadow that swims in me,
Making me drown into more misery;

Sorry…
In my head,
I seek for words of apology,
But now it seems to me 
That words are meaningless,

Like a shadow that emerges on a wall,
And when the morning comes it would disappear and fall;

If only I can become my shadow
And confront you,
To ask for your forgiveness;
I would stay in my shadow
Until you forgive me,
Until you liberate yourself…
Then I am free.


Details | Free verse | |

Broken Expression

A big peice of my life
Seems to be missing...
After losing you after all this time
My thoughts seem to be racing...
But now that you're mad at me
What can... I do... to make it better?
I will go beyond my abilities
Just to make you smile
But remember that I'm only human
I can't do every single thing you want of me
If you choose to hate me
Then all I can say is sorry
If you want... to forget...everything
Then I shall leave you forever
I don't want to exist around you
If you say... I don't exist at all!

I cannot say sorry enough for you
And I don't want to say it again!
Because everything I do seems to be wrong
Because everyone seems to be yelling at me!

Waking up every morning
Seems to be killing me
Grabbing what's left of my broken heart
I pray to let me die quickly
Because I seem to be suffering
And I... don't want... to suffer anymore!
Only you can end it for me
In two ways
First way is to hate me
Hate me completely and forget about me
The second way is to love me
But I don't want it to be false you see
If I were to tell the truth about how I feel about you
Then love is definately my answer
But then I don't know if I can love again!

I cannot say sorry enough for you
And I don't want to say it again!
Because everything I do seems to be wrong
Because everyone seems to be yelling at me!
I'm tired of being wrong
And I'm tired of saying sorry!
From now on I'm forever cold-hearted
Because I'm too scared of loving again!
But I'll leave saying "I love you..."


Details | Free verse | |

I am Sorry

I am sorry, I am not a beauty queen.
I am sorry, my emotions are so mean.
I am sorry, I don't have a beautiful smile.
I am sorry, my beauty can't be seen for miles.
I am sorry, I am not a movie star.
I am sorry, my beauty is at a far.
I am sorry, I don't have a million dollar walk.
I am sorry, people don't listen when I talk.
I am sorry, I am not a beautiful singer.
I am sorry, the songs I sing are just a linger.
I am sorry, that people pass me by.
I am sorry, no one cares whether I live or die.
I am sorry, I am not a famous poet.
I am sorry, my writing no one knows it.
I am sorry, my writing is dark and sad.
I am sorry, the doubts I have make you mad.
I am sorry, I'm not beautiful,famous,smart or talented.
I am sorry, all my tries ended up the way they did.
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry I plee!
With open arms all I can be is me.


Details | Free verse | |

Moth's Folly

 
 Round and round circling
 about the flickering flame,
 heedless of the danger
 till your wings got caught
 by the treacherous fire;
 you knew not what hit you
 as you plummeted down,
 dead.

 Poor little one, you were
 a victim of your own folly, 
 too late learning that not 
 all that glitter bestow
 life.


Details | Free verse | |

Hypocrisy At Its Finest

Out of sight ... out of mind
That which my eyes cannot see
Is just an impression, a replica, a photocopy
Filed away in the vast expanse of mnemonic space
Drifting through grey matter
Losing more of itself along the way
The details become blurred
Blemishes are erased, rough edges honed
All now elicited is the Playboy version
Airbrushed and made-up with meticulous abandon
You have your Hope Diamond, your Helen of Troy
Flawless, timeless, priceless
Utterly uncompromising
How can one relate this image with its faults?
Recalling the imperfections
Invokes only negative emotions, unwanted noise, irrationality
Feelings never fade
Thoughts don't drift away
I remember the anger, the depression, the longing
I remember the detachment, the disinterest, the rupture
I remember all of the immaturity
But the veil has been pulled down
Negativity belongs behind closed doors
I want my utopia, I want my Helen
It's naught but intentional ignorance
Life is perfect when it's lived inside the mind ...
Then reality sets in
The world is not set in Black and White
It's all grey area, the Yin and the Yang
Out of sight ... out of mind
I need to see the blemishes, view the inconsistencies
The picture needs no more distortion
Let me see you in all of your chaotic glory


Details | Free verse | |

Between The Rain Drops

Between The Rain Drops
Eye walked between the raindrops to learn how to stay dry
My body works much better when eye fly on angels wings between the rain and 
hurry to be dry at home a layer of something hasty pulled between the me and 
between the storm and as eye lay inside my dry eye pray and cry for eye have no 
home the rain falls off around my dry as eye walk between the rain drops of the 
storm


Details | Free verse | |

Monsters

When I was little I used to believe in the boogie man 
I used to be so afraid of just people's descriptions of him
that whenever I saw anything move in my room I would 
snuggle up so tight and close my eyes with all my might

When I was a little bit older and I first watched 
the nightmare on elms street 
I used to be afraid to go to sleep 
because Freddie could attack me in my dreams 

Now I am an adult 
and things like that don't really 
make me afraid anymore

But in my adult world there is still monsters 
There are the kind that could follow me home
and rape me , kill me and then next thing you
know I'm on the six o'clock news missing

And the creeps that attempt to slip pills in my drink
to make me forget about what he did
These are the type that should be labeled monsters
What really bothers me though is that a harmless guy 
who made a mistake could be victimized  
and ostracized just because he has AIDS.

All I have to say is that It makes me really afraid 
That society deems him unworthy of anyones company
It's hard for me to comprehend how despite 
His face. regardless of the race. Or the clean slate. 
He can be considered a monster and labeled stay away.
When there are predators on the streets everyday
in which I have no diagnosis to go by 

Glaring me down with their sly looking eyes 
Yet were preoccupied with the ones who 
are completely honest about their situation
To even shake his hand we have to have
gloves and proper anti bacterial ointment 
You label him a monster but all I want to do
is give this man a hug ungloved.
Because he's not like any of the monsters I know
or have heard of. 
  


Details | Free verse | |

Hells Angel

Hells Angel
We talked a bit like two similar beings for eye was drunk
and justifying it badly he was not unkind to me if not fully truthful it is just their way 
he had his identification card and pulled it from his wallet as eye gave him two 
dollars he was inclined to talk so eye told him my troubles it is not wrong to get 
delivered from trouble no matter sometimes where it may come from a boy who 
was very much wasted had troubled and threatened me and eye had a new 
found friend so listen as eye bend ewe ear and his was a motor car like a Ford or 
a Buick his trunk would not close he had very nice clothes on his boots what a 
shine and he showed me his Driver’s License with the  Hells Angel LOGO the 
Chapter and Verse of his Chapter. He was fingering his knife in his hand to 
make sure it was sharp as eye noticed it he grinned. That day of my life eye was 
scared for eye thought it was the end of my life. He seemed sorry to see me 
leave a little like a bad B version of a best friend.
He sent the speed freak a reproach for bothering me
And eye never told no one this story
Eye knoe what they mean.
When they say there is the Devil to pay?
That poor boy is not troubling no old man today.


Details | Free verse | |

Fly Away

Wish I could fly away, far away.
Away from this cruel world.
World of hate, pian, and sin.
Away from the painful beatings.
Recieved by an abusive and drunk father.
Away from the lies and heartbreak.
Produced by a cheating girlfriend.
Gazing upon the sky through battered eyes.
I'm wishing I had more faith.
Faith that God will one day bless me.
Thinking, I wish i could fly, I wish...


Details | Free verse | |

You

I thought I dreamed of you
Last night
While the moon was full
You stood over yonder
Way..
As I cried out for thee
You smile and said to me
I will be there by three
You stood under the cold
Frosty moon
My heart beat rapidly as
I waited by the  water shore...
Excited, was I under the
Cold frosty moon.. 
By time the clock struck
Midnight,
I still stood under the cold
Frosty moon..
I tremble with joy..
Excited, so excited as I
Tremble when your shadow
Glimpse around at me..
Heart bursting, aching
Inside
My soul-crying deep with
In
Where know one could hear..
While you were telling me
Good-bye
You turn your back away
From me..
You walked into the morning
Sunrise..
Deep yellow was the sun
It sent a rainbow for you
To find your way home
Leaving such a large void
Nothing else could fill the
Space..
Such emptiness’ So many
Tears
As I thought I dreamed of
You
To smell, to feel your 
Warm embrace..
To tremble...
As you slowly vanish into
The rays of the rainbow
As I awake  with many,many
Tears....


Details | Free verse | |

THE SORROW

When you have sorrow... 
Let me take your hand... 
When the heart is low... 
All is not as it seems... 
Half in the heart 
Half in your dreams 
All can change... 
Especially the meaning 

When you have sorrow... 
When you fall... 
I hear your heart, call 
Your plight... 
I will guide you in to the light 

When you have sorrow... 
I will take you close to me... 
Painful things can go free 
The heart cannot remain low... 
For the sorrow, must go..... 

It is hard,I know.... 
To let it go 
The sorrow.... 
The breaking too 
The heart will begin to glow 
For love never left you 
It never left me 
I was always there, you see 
Wanting to set you free 


Details | Free verse | |

A Song Is Born

Into my heart a song is born
Song of life
Songs of love
Songs of death 
Songs of seasons that come
And go,
Songs of color that paints
The wind..
Song of laughter that echo
Out loud…
Songs of lullabies to rest
The babies eyes..
Songs of inspiration to 
Lighten the heavy
Load…
Songs of the broken
Hearts…
That lock away in a
Corners…
To hide their weeping
Eyes…
Songs of the butterflies,
The white turtle dove..
Songs of all kinds
To inspire the soul..


Details | Free verse | |

saying sorry

beeep...through all the yelling in my mind my heart tells me no,
you love him,
dont lose your grip on his heart.
although i tried i couldnt follow my heart.
i thought it was the right thing, 
all i did was hurt you.
i tried to say it,
it wouldnt come out.
im just calling to say  sorry ... click


Details | Free verse | |

A Poem of Apology

To my wife
I have been cruel
and waisted my words like a fool
instead of encouragement
I spoke only resentment
while to many of my promises remained broken
and left no flower or jewelry as a token
as for my treachery I do regrett
and I fear she will not forgive me or forget


Details | Free verse | |

Visible Memories

My wounds have healed
From the inside out.
Though the pain
Has waned away,
Scars remain 
As visible memories.


Details | Free verse | |

Missed call

My phone is vibrating yet again. I picked up my phone and see a number and a name flashing. 
To most this would be pure excitement to me it's an annoyance. Which one is it going to be 
today? I close my eyes until the vibration stops and a message flashes across the screen that 
says missed call. I just missed another prospective lover or  in the way I like to think about it 
another heartache. You see if you can't reach me don't take offense ... Don't think i'm trying to 
play you it's just my personal tactic of avoidance. If on a daily basis  you get my answering 
machine don't feel bad just let go because i'm in the witness protection program and i'm trying 
to keep  things exactly the same yet make dramatic renovations. I want to make sure no one 
else hurts me like this... yet im attracted to this mistreatment almost an addiction. So sorry 
caller but im having a hard time keeping my focus on picking up when all I really want to do is 
ignore. Stay in this bubble of unchangeable things because just maybe if I don't pick up I will stay 
miserable. Stay exactly the same. I hate the thought of myself drifting. Waiting for that one call... 
waiting to hear that sorry echo across the line. Just waiting to fall back into that one callers 
arms, a call I could never miss. A call that i've been anticipating. My life is on hold, so close to 
pause. So for all you missed calls out there im sorry but im too occupied to answer.


Details | Free verse | |

favorite color

dear you,
                  i've killed a soul, gone against my own belief-
[what you haven't created you cannot destroy]
                  now i'm stuck on the edge of a cliff wondering
                  which way is up. 
[i've tripped in the sky, i'm choking on clouds]
                  give me directions, you, i want to go back, 
                  want a place to go back to.
[home sweet home]
                  the voice i hear drones on & on, apparently
                  i'm too far gone?
[stay silent, the answer goes without saying]


Details | Free verse | |

I Miss You

As I sit and think of you
I realize how much I miss you
I remember the day I lost you
I stress about it all day and night through
Many of those times I cry over you

I wish you were here 
It would be so much more clear
Sometimes I feel I want to die
No one really knows how much I hurt inside
I wish this were a nightmare
So I could wake up and it would all disappear
I wish God would've taken me instead of you
I wish reality weren't really true

I miss you so much 
I want to feel your soft touch
I want to hold and cuddle you so much

You are my first biological son

And just to let you know your always in my thoughts, prayers, and dreams!


By: Delaney Meadows


Details | Free verse | |

Forever Forgotten

Sorrow do we part,Sorrow we never meet 
again.Parted forever unforsaken words 
to forever linger.Tears of one's rage
of another lost inside distresed 
on the out.Disaproving fathers 
shaking there finger saying,"stay away
their trouble."Unknowing staying away,
feelings left unsaid disconsern forever 
forgotten faces forever to be forgotten
to the darkness in their mind to forget
who they were.


Details | Free verse | |

Free Your Mind

My words are... like the clouds drifting overhead

I know I hurt you
And I know that I shouldn't
But how can I apologize
When you won't give me a chance
I know my words mean nothing to you
I know you don't want to see me anymore
But deep down you're conflicting with yourself

Why don't you let go
Of your hatred for me?
You're hurting yourself
Can't you see?
I may some day never return because I'm truly gone
My words are like
The clouds drifting overhead
Just passing you by
Because you've close yourself totally from me

If I could go back...
Back in time
I would stop myself
From hurting you at all
But we are all not perfect
And everytime I try, I fail
I'm hurting...
Because you're just a blank spot in my life

Why don't you let go
Of your hatred for me?
You're hurting yourself
Can't you see?
Once I'm gone, how can you forgive me by then?
There's a time limit
To how long I can last
Unless you don't really care
If that's the case then I hope that you're happy

I know I messed up
And I know that it's too late
But I still will leave
Saying, "I apologize for everything"

Why don't you let go
Of your hatred for me?
You're hurting yourself
Can't you see?
Is hating me going to solve your problems?
Just let it go
I know it's tearing you apart
From the inside
So just forgive me
And then we'll both be much better


Details | Free verse | |

May I ask you?

Why do you help me?
If I can’t be a best person,
Why do you love your relations?
If they encourage me for my bad contacts.

Is it n’t a meaning?
You don’t love me, 
That’s why you want to see me,
A criminal so you can trust in traditions.

Is it necessary for you?
To sacrifice your children,
Without their consent,
When they were innocent.

Do you believe; this is fairness?
To ready children for their sacrifice,
So they can commit suicide happily,
A for your religious belief.

May I ask you, if it is a right choice?
Why not your parents did it?
Sacrifice you, so you can miss this blame,
You prefer only you not your children.


Details | Free verse | |

Life Is Hard (The Hanging"

He always tried all he could
When his son asked him to go to the game
He spent everyday couching him to be a star
But he thought he wasn't doing quite good
To make his son's dream come true
And when he tried to quit drinking
Cause he wanted better for his family
That's when he took a pen and a paper 
And got in his car and drove to a peaceful site

And wrote: Honey, I love you so much
You're my dreams, my love and my life
And I've never felt love like this in anyone's touch
And when you have to read this tell son
I love him too and I hope you won't be mad
Cause I'll always be there at his b'ball game
And I'll always be above you when you need me
But now i think it's my time to go and I know 
I'll always be in your dreams and prayers, Love dad"
And he took the letter in a heart-shaped card

Then he sent the letter and drove to a nearby store 
And bought him a rope and went back to his basement floor
When he got on his knees and prayed to the Lord
" Thank you Lord for what You've given me
My wonderful life, my precious love and my dreams
I'm thankful for all I have but it's too much for me
And I hope I'll get a chance to watch over them
And I hope they'll forgive me for what've done"

Then he got on the table with the rope tied on his neck
He got ready and kicked the table away from his feet
And that's when he ended his wonderful life and a beautiful family
Who loved him to death and who thought they'd go to heaven first.
But now he chose to go first cause she was too good for him 
And he could never do anything to hurt her but this broke her heart
When he crossed the line that they could have walked together



Details | Free verse | |

Master of nothing

my handwritng is nondescript
facial expressions blend to well
self image negative and filled with deceit
my ambition is to survive another day in hell
I excell at nothing cant run or solve puzzles
my faults are forthcoming
I yearn for complacency and lust for normalicy
friendships are fickle and my enemies forget me
now as I die at my own will my soul flees
hellbound for something different
the images before my eyes are incoherent
as I realize my life meant nothing
for I am nothing so I achieved nothing
as a matter of fact I mastered nothing


Details | Free verse | |

Regretfully

Words have powers beyond control 
and conception
The naïve, may have talent,
But fail to recognize
The anguish of the words
The tragedy that befalls others.

Without thought, the words went on,
I went on
Selfishly, though unknowingly,
I scarred others.
I wounded the souls, their beings.
I know now.

I regretfully apologize,
I am sorry.


Details | Free verse | |

Poetry?


                                  Poetry?
No it’s not, but then a lot of things aren’t
I’m very weary of continually having to defend myself.
I thought just maybe this once;
Maybe this place would be an exception to the rule.

 Hell I’m sorry if you can’t get a grip on who or what I am; But hey if you don’t like me;
 just leave me alone and I’ll do the same with  you.
If I was a vindictive type you’d never know about it till it was too late.
Then again that’s probably the problem here right.

I take an interest in a particular individual;
As a human being, an artist, a poet;
Ask them what are their motivations; and boom;
I get a physical description; and some kind of am I interested in a date.

No I don’t want a date; I got my hands full;
I’m open to a certain kind of love;
But everybody seems to be looking for what;
Marriage, white picket fences; --what?

I don’t know and I don’t want to point fingers;
I’m sorry if you can’t figure me out;
Don’t trip it, I can’t figure myself out.
Mostly I try to wake up feelings that might stimulate the creative juices.

So typical you know;
Just like the agnostics all claim about Christian mentality.
If we don’t understand it, it’s evil or a heavenly entity 
Hey superstitious, black cat crossed my trail.
    “Why can’t we be friends?”

    I know you suffer from anxiety;
    But why you gonna take it out on me?
    “Why can’t we be friends”; why can’t we be friends”?
        I say I’m sorry and I’ve backed away;
        But I wonder how you got this way;
        Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?
        


Details | Free verse | |

From the Window

All things beautiful
Have an ending
Beyond the stars,
And begin in hearts
As close as mine.

With breath quickened
By Summer’s chill
And warmed by Winter’s love,
Eyes once distant and bitter
Now seeing and holding fast.

Drops of rain falling silent
Behind eyes of distant green;
Mourning.
Light and warmth pouring in,
But there is no comfort in them.
Only tears of regret.


Details | Free verse | |

Mistake

If I were to sit here alone,
without you it would feel so cold,
if I were to call you in a second,
would you hesitate to pick up?
I could hear the yelling ringing in my ear,
oh how much I wish you could be near,
I would run to you in a flash,
cry whenever I have the memories tangled up like a bad car crash,
If I were to pour my heart out to you,
would you listen?
Should I sit here and tell you that I loved you for so long,
tell you the truth or cover it up and lie,
slowly and surely I will die,
not letting you in was the biggest mistake of my life.


Details | Free verse | |

My Rocks

Most of the vile mistakes I have made throughout my life-
Were caused by my lack of desire to listen,
My lack of hearing your words of guidance
You have been with me through my ignorance-
Through the most arduous times of my existence
My regrets are many-
For I never once made time to rest upon you
You are my rocks.
When daunting times consumed us
You never once tested my might-
You only veiled me from the storms that occur throughout life
Admiration I have never dared show,
Though it exists within the confines of my heart-
As well as respect
I never desired to cause hardship and suffering
My heart slips away sometimes allowing only my mind to take over-
A dreadfully unwell mind
I must express my regret
For the strenuous periods I have caused you to undergo
All I needed was to take the time to rest upon you
You-
My rocks.


Details | Free verse | |

Quiet Love

I tried to hide my feelings from you.
Everyday you sit beside me in class and I wait for you to speak to me. 
In between classes I look for you in the crowd.
I glance over, you look and I turn my head in embarrassment.
I see you everyday and wonder do you see me.
I hope you think about me as much as I do you.
I'm sorry I didn't have the nerve to tell you
I wish you could have found out on your own.
I'm sorry I waited
I'm sorry I watched as you broke my heart
I wish I could turn back time
I'm sorry I ever met you


Details | Free verse | |

Clouds

It’s funny, ‘cause the clouds haven’t changed their position
But you can’t see them anymore.
I keep looking at you and imagine you are breathing, but it’s just the breeze 
ruffling your shirt
My front bumper is barely touching you now
I don’t want to look at the front, or the dent, or the skid marks beyond.

So I look at the clouds mirrored in your fixed and dilated pupils
Waiting for the sirens 
Waiting for the clouds to move
I notice the tyres look like they could do with some air
Small worries
You could do with some air
Please breathe (you’re scaring me)

I look from grey road to you
You to the car
Now parked in a haphazard way 
I hear the sirens and look up at the sky
The clouds (at last) have started to move
I wish we could go with them.