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Humorous Free Verse Poems | Free Verse Poems About Humorous

These Humorous Free Verse poems are examples of Free Verse poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Humorous Free Verse poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Free verse | |

To all the heart-breakers- -a ZOMBIE valentine poem-

Wouldn't you rather~

Wouldn't you rather~ be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead body, I would never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
Sorry that the sight of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
So go ahead and do us a all favor, 
hide and stash yourself away from all your neighbor. 
I think i'd rather have my eyes stuck with glue
So I won't have to look at you
When it comes to family friends, you ain't got none.
Your always gonna be called the lonely retarded one.
Who could ever love a face like yours.
not even your mother can see pass your gore's 
No need for privacy when you pee
Go ahead and take a leak and drown yourself in the sea.
Don't think for one second you are irresistible 
Love making with a zombie is impossible.

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

The time to kill yourself is at hand.
Slicing your wrist is what we recommend.  
Cut off your tongue, don't want to hear you squeal.   
Blood all over, your face is no big deal
A sword or machete will only pick up the pace
I wanna see your guts pop out your mid-waist 
Contaminated objects is a must
Anything to remove your face of disgust.
The easy part is the best
Once you are gone we will all feel blessed,
The flaw of your existence  
Is what keeps us all in distance 

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

Close your eyes and die
No one wants to hear you cry
You said you wanted to be loved
believe me~ your better off unloved
I say go do yourself off
Anyways you've always had it rough...
Go ahead and scream
This is not a dream
Now see how you make me feel
All I want is for you to end your ugly ordeal.
I will praise this day of course
Knowing soon you'll be a rotting corpse.

happy valentine ~ TO: All My DEADBEAT X-es from Texas..


Details | Free verse | |

SLY FOX

~SLY FOX~

There you go again little Sly fox P.D.
Another game of tag and jeopardy.
Clever, clever, little fox so bloodthirsty.
Chaos roams through your veins of liberty.
You walk the ground, prancing around your hostility.
Marching down with the dignity of mis-guided anarchy.

I'm gonna hunt you smell end it well.
Hang you up from your trophy tail. 
Kiss your night one last farewell.
By morning dawn your foxy tail,
Won't live another tale to tell.

I'm gonna find ya' ~ pull your hideout from where you hide.
Smack you around in your everyday rebellious ways.
Thinking you can defeat my crowd with your lawlessness..
I don't need no hounds to track your unlivable Holy-mess.
You created a selfish character of kindness for the blindness.
You prey on the sheep's and linger on their wall of hopelessness. 
Your sinfulness grew from the boldness, and bitterness, 
Of growing up parent-less.
My dear Sly Fox are you on alert with your ears of nobleness.
Did you not hear me creeping while you were sleeping.

Sly fox the destroyer!

You are right, you are a mischievous game of hunt!
My trap is set and waiting for you by the river front.
Go ahead, take a drink, pull one last obnoxious stunt.
Run and run, as fast as you can!
You can't out run this one game of Skitty Skat fox hunt.....


~SKAT~
 
 


Details | Free verse | |

The Elephant in the Room

3 polished oak fans,
Swirling in robotic unison

High maintenance socialites,
Sipping on Merlot fallacies

Lemon yellow coated walls,
Flat,
Like their smiles

Comparisons of dangling Porsche & Bentley keys
A glorified day care center,
Pacifiers included

The muted virtuosos speak softly in hymn dialects.

Courtesy laughter in snob’s octave

Their heads twitching side to side,
Left to right to left

An equilibrium facing assault charges against self

They slow dance to cello dreams
And E minor dividends

Two-step monotone, sway
Against platinum lacquer foundations

…

But, it was then.

These same socialites,
Made of recycled candle wax
And rubberized, hedge-fund confidence,
Began to stare longingly at the party host’s 70 inch plasma TV

Proudly imported from China

“Attention uptight snobs of Mecca!
The city zoo has imploded!
The monkeys revolted!
The zebras were tired of being racially profiled!
Run for your LIV…!”
(SMASH!)

And before the reporter’s frightened inner child could finish’s his clause,
An elephant crashes into the decadent room
Filled with Crisp linen scents of Febreze & judgmental fear

It stares at the socialites,
Laughing heartedly as it playfully stomps away into constellation’s onyx night

As tears waterfall from the snobs’ sobbing eye sockets
As if they just listened to another Celine Dion song

The real newsflash

Metaphors played hooky today

©Drake J. Eszes


Details | Free verse | |

morning

MORNING

Good morning World.

Damn you!
and your warm
sunray fingers
prying open my eyes.

Robbing me of my
nocturnal fantasies,
my semiconscious bliss.

Leaving the remnants
of my peace 
and tranquillity
laying scattered across
my face and through
my hair.

Your rising light
shrinking the shadows
of my freedom.

I will not be seduced
by your clear blue promises.

For your pressing realities
already taste foul
in my mouth.

Leave me Morning
to my diminishing serenity.


I have performed this piece and it shows on you tube (I hope this works, if not try copying to your address bar):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egYjy4Iu5e8&feature=youtu.be
enjoy


Details | Free verse | |

Getaway Vacation

"Baby, this view is fantastic, 
Who knew what you could buy with plastic! 
With these credit cards, unlimited funds, 
Any regrets, heck no, baby I got none. 
Riding on an interest rate of twenty percent, 
Who cares, this is money well spent!" 
Says the thief who stole my purse from the rest stop location, 
One of the many tales of my no good, horrible road trip vacation. 
Riding down I-seventy five, heading to Mackinaw Island for a getaway, 
Me and my best boy beside me, taking an adventure, oh what a day. 
Construction just north of Detroit, that scary van is stopped to our right. 
Keeping my legs crossed, I might wet myself, will that be alright. 
He gives me a smile with a crooked left tooth and a wave with two fingers 
Push the gas pedal quick, the filthy dirty looks he is giving on me lingers. 

Put the pedal to the metal and off we go, not slowing down for no one 
Riding high in my seventy-three coupe de vile, the fun has just begun 
Didn't see that State Trooper hiding behind that sign, just past Auburn Hills 
Tried to out gun him with my 405, but he caught us just past the old mills 
"Son you are in a heap of a mess, speeding like Ricky Bobby in Talladega 
nights. 
Two choices, let me have a spin with your gal or I'll haveta read you your 
rights." 
After twenty minutes, we sped off not even looking in the rear view mirror 
Our vacation destination of Mackinaw Island was getting closer and clearer. 
It was smooth sailing, so we thought, as the night was getting dark. 
Find a hotel bed soon baby, we all are angst we missed our mark. 
The sign said two miles to Holiday Inn, But it’s already been nine. 
Comin’ up on us now is a big yellow Dead End road sign. 
Down this dirt road we skimming across freshly grated dirt. 
Could stop fast enough, deer crossing, don’t worry none got hurt. 

Baby this ride is exciting 
That’s what I’m supposed to be sayin’ 
But with my crosses on my neck, 
All these issues, dang I’m just prayin’ 
Ridin’ seventy five, with the wind in our hair. 
I don’t care how we do it, baby just get us there. 


Finally arrived in Mackinaw City, getting ready to board Shepler's Ferry
The line was long, the lake waves were high, we were saying Hail Mary's
The winds picked up, the skies drew dark. a storm had come without warning
The ferry turned around, couldn't go there now, not until the next morning.

We stayed in a run down, worn out cabin on the edge of the great lakes 
Wondering why these vacations always turn out to bring mistakes. 
But then I look in your eyes and you look deeply into my mine. 
And i know no matter where we go or what we do, everything turns out just 
fine.

Vacation Humor Contest
07/14/2014


Details | Free verse | |

OH HOW I LOVE HALLOWEEN

I hear the doorbell ring and I rush to answer it The heavy wooden door creaks and squeaks and groans My face is a ghostly white, you can only just see my eyes and mouth The children scream loudly and drop their bags of sweets in fright Terrified they flee down the path not pausing to look back I grab their sweets and quickly slam the door I dash to the bathroom Twenty minutes is up and its time to wash off my face pack Hee hee hee it works every year Jan Allison 5th October 2014


Details | Free verse | |

THANK GOODNESS IT'S ONLY ONCE A YEAR

Turkey so dry that I can’t speak Brussel sprouts boiled for a week Roast potatoes burnt to a crisp Lumpy gravy I feel Sick Jan Allison 26th October Inspired by Andrea’s contest but not written for it!


Details | Free verse | |

this noisy head i live in

this noisy head i live in
it just never quiets down
theres some motherf#@ker screaming at two am
about some unpaid bills or parking tickets
and some other idiot going on and on about some girl that left
somebody is allways throwing trash out in the common area
little bits of some ancient relationship
small parts of some old mystery
just want to tell em all ''will you all please shut up"
stop that godawful freakin racket
some fool on the roof shouting poetry just when your drifting off to sleep
another idiot in the basement throwing monkey wrenches in the works
always somebody causing some kind of ruckus
just want to scream
"can we PLEASE get some peace and quiet for five minuets"
this crazy head i live in
i want to move
to some nice quiet country house
where you never hear a sound
peaceful with birds chirping
where i can get some rest
not this confounded noisy head i live in
not this apartment building of lunatics i call a mind


Details | Free verse | |

CELEBRITY BRAKE OUT AT FOREST LAWN

Beneath the old Hollywood sign,
Under October's full moon light,
At mid night’s stroke of twelve.
Beware.
Grab your autograph book if you
Dare
On all Hallows Eve a celebrity,
Brake out occurs at Forest Lawns,
Cemetery.
It's a regular ghoulish ghoul festival,
What an undead hullabaloo, a truly.
Freakish sight to behold of who’s whom,
A carnival of both old, and new well,
To do's list.
Roll out the crimson red carpet,
Let's travel down memory lanes
Main Street it leads towards
Hollywood boulevard
And the star's walk of fame.
Look out hear comes good old Trigger,
With Roy Rogers riding backwards,
Singing happy trails to you,
Until we meet again.
By the sharpened edge of
Vampire’s fangs.
Who's that putting the bite on,
Lone Chaney but no other than,
Bella Lugosi.
Oh God get out of the way it's,
Grandpa Munster, driving the
Family hot rod with cousin it,
As his blind co pilot.
Until the all clear is given stay,
Far away.
Who released that ghastly crew,
From their locked down creepy,
Murky tomb.
The three stooges Moe, Larry,
And Curly, zombies' poster boys.
Bashing and smashing to giggles laughs.
Poking each other in the eyes just
For sheer delight.
Meanwhile back at party central Michael,
Jackson, Is doing his moonwalk dance,
Across graveyard's dark path,
To an updated version of thriller.
Vincent Price,
Could not be reached for comment,
His last headstones address simply reads,
Unknown.
Marilyn Monroe, sings to JFK
Happy birthday to you
Posed ever so seductively,
Behind the presidential eternal
Flame.
As Rock Hudson wows the golden girls,
Making them swoon.
But soon all must return to normal,
For the sunrise lies not far away.
The horizon dawn approaches,
Behind the ancient Hollywood sign.
And they'll all sleep once more.
But forever living on in reruns,
Ever lasting enchanting episodes.
They shall never be forgotten.

BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN


Details | Free verse | |

A POOR ME FOR THE AGES

A POOR ME FOR THE AGES

I was older      she was so young      I was stupid
But I was helpless      she flirted      threw me a smile
Oh, poor me      I melted      that look
That long, black hair      that perfume
Those eyes      that perfect bod      I was so lonely
No one understood me      oh, poor me
Didn’t like my job      job paid so well though
Wife left me      I started drinking
Smoked like a chimney      watched porn
Had such fantasies      why did she say yes?
Expensive dinner      wasn’t that good
And that necklace      money getting short
She called me sugar daddy      oh, poor me
She was such a flirt      she loved all men
Age didn’t matter      she has a new car
I paid for it      then I really was broke
Had to move      sold everything      she said, get lost
Lost my job      flop house was bad      
Cardboard box is worse      oh, poor, poor me
Old women shun me      dogs and cats shun me
Do I deserve this?      Oh well
That roach wasn’t bad      no bones

Dave Austin


Details | Free verse | |

Beg Your Pardon

Here’s a short story of a cowboy I knew
Whose name was Beg Your Pardon.
He wasn’t a gun slinger in the usual way,
Though his hands were fast
And his foots were faster.
But when Beg started shootin’
There was nuthin’ but disaster.

No worries for Beg, he had none you see,
Since he wasn’t a slinger in the usual way.
But his pappy got ugly
And yelled in his son’s face,
 “Until you can shoot
As the son of mine should,
I want you the h*** out of my place.”

Beg had some tricks up his very long sleeves,
Coz he wasn’t a slinger in the usual way.
He’d show his pappy his skill
There’s no doubt about that.
Yet time was a-wasten
So Beg he did hasten,
But first he took off his hat.

He then wound up his body like a Kansas twister
And slung a cow pie in his usual way.
And broke every record
Did our cow pie ringer.
Since there was no one better,
Pappy exclaimed to his son,
“Beg Your Pardon, I beg your pardon
Heck, you’re some kinda’ slinger!”
 
For Wild Wild West Contest


Details | Free verse | |

Elvira And The Pillow

A true story....


Well I lived in Sioux City for a little while
Another job site, hubby and I have covered some miles

While there, my mother in law came to visit
She drove Elvira, the biggest Buick ever made
No doubt about it!

I drove mom around to see the highlights
If you've been there, you know there's nothing but corn in sight

Suddenly the cars in front of us started to slow
Wondering which way around this pillow they needed to go

Well some went left and some went right
Some straddled over it and seemed alright

Mom said baby, it will be OK
Just drive right over it
Elvira won't notice anything in her way

I lined up perfectly and over we went
Thought I'd made it until visions were sent
Into the rear view mirror of down floating everywhere
And it wasn't pleasant!

I could see people on the sidewalks laughing, I pretended not to care
As millions of feathers floated through the air

Really embarrassed I drove on about one hundred feet
Then Elvira stopped dead right there in the street

Somehow the drive train had caught the cotton cover
Ripping it to shreds, wrapping it round and round so tight
Until it killed the engine dead

Now I know God works in mysterious ways
But He proved it for sure this very day

In a parking lot next to where Elvira had died
Was a complete race car driver's pit crew - no lie!

An 18 wheeler with trailer in tow
Guys dressed in uniforms, patches aglow 

With traffic backing up behind us
They came over to see what was all the fuss

I said spitting feathers out of my mouth
I really don't know, I'm from down south

They opened their trailer and out came the jacks
Air hoses and tools, they got down on their backs

From under the car I heard laughter and jokes
They'd seen cars stopped by everything but a pillow!

Well I thanked them and shook each and every hand
They wouldn't accept money, said the entertainment was grand
I often wonder who they were and if they remember Elvira and the pillow in Iowa land....

©Donna Jones


Details | Free verse | |

a really bad love poem

 
when you're in love you write really bad love poetry when you love a woman you want to relive with her every great moment you ever had both of them. clouds look like hearts, and a few look like ducks you know, quack, quack ducks. if you love someone, you walk into the wrong house you stain your tie during lunch you walk into people (a big guy peoples, he's not happy you run...really fast) to a man in love roses look perfect even if they're tulips ...sorry honey. you build a white picket fence with the pickets wrong side up when you love someone you take out the trash from someone else's house when you love someone you quit your job as a superhero you get rid of your trusty sidekick you give away your bat mobile you give your arch nemesis the bad news. you write goofy stuff, and mickey stuff too. i'm in love so i write really bad love poetry really? really! really? really, i'm in love, so sue me!


Details | Free verse | |

The Birth

Your presence within my sphere
Is utterly enlightening and true
It is nice to realize the blessings of life
Are the very words you engrave on my heart

I trust your heart is filled with gladness
Supported with positivity and gain
Terrestrial rains sh*t glitter at me
As bursts of chuckles saturate my brain

I am moved by a humorous plight
Of words flying like heroine-addicted chickens
Clucking and pecking at Charles Dickens

I have become this nonsensical buffoon
As my pride rises like an off-brown balloon
Only to deflate in a fit of guffaws and mirth

Ever since you appeared on this earth
There was an unexpected birth


Details | Free verse | |

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME

TALKING TO ME

Do you ever get the feeling that inanimate objects are talking to you?
Sometimes I do, not often, but sometimes.

Like trees that seem to be murmuring in an unknown language 
somehow suggesting a meaning to me.

And clouds when billowed tell me of some distant place I haven't visited. 
They display portly faces that look strangely familiar and seem to mouth 
broken words.

Once I heard running water in a stream ripple in nomadic sounds, it told me 
the secrets of how to go with the flow. 

Flowers often, when in full bloom gossip and say "look at me, aren't I beautiful?"
But when dying cry out say "I was younger then, but now I'm old and frail!"

It seems when picking out socks to wear, I imagine them vying for my attention.
Pick me.. no pick me. And when I do, feel a little guilty that I didn't pick the other.

Once I took out and put back pliers from my tool holder on the wall. One cried out to me saying that I shouldn't put it so close to the other one (considered far inferior). And of course, the screwdrivers made it known that Phillips do not belong with Flatheads.

Should it be, do I have to endure these insults to my sensibilities?
As I said, sometimes.


Details | Free verse | |

The Winter Blues

Inside it is nice and warm,
cuddled up alone in my warm bed,
sheets and covers smother me,
as soft pillows rest my heavy head.

Outside the white, soft snow comes falling down hard,
blowing in from the north, south, east and west
and the wind picks up, as it makes a high pitch howl,
as a ghost would do when trying to strike fear into someone.

Inside so warm,
outside it is so cold,
Inside filled with sweet dreams,
and outside filled with cold, soft, white nightmares.

Soon, the alarm goes off and wakes me from a cozy slumber,
as I hit the "SNOOZE" button and straighten myself from bed;
I walk over to my window and rub my eyes and can't believe my eyes.
Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow- and more snow!
White pillows of snow everywhere,
on the leafless trees, the branches covered with snow and ice.
I open my window for some fresh air,
and the air is too thin to breath, and the wind hits me in the face
and cold burns my face with a chilling sting!

I shut my window- as I look at my bed,
temptations of jumping back in and warming back up
all cross my mind,
but sadly it was only Wednesday and no call-off for school,
so I guess I'll go shovel the snow out of the driveway,
warm the car up and get ready to go learn.

.2.5.2014.


Details | Free verse | |

The Glass

Thrice I was asked the age old question
Was the glass half full or half empty
Always afraid of a trick, I could not make sense of the axiom
The possibility of either did make me think plenty.

One day two friends came and filled a glass to the brim
I took my own, curious, I filled mine halfway
Not to boast, but I smiled, and made a grin
I asked of them the same question to let them say.

Both were concerned and afraid of my disorder
I drank, drained the glass, and put back in the sink
I finally made a decision & my mind was in order
I saw it as both, neither, and a tool from which to drink!

You see, I always saw optimism naïve as half full
Pessimism it is always half empty and no fun
Realism it is just a glass and the question is null
Opportunism is to use the glass first so my thirst is undone.

Sincerely, 
the Opportunist



Copyright 3/11/14


Details | Free verse | |

Gina the toilet cleaner

They call her big Gina
You'd know if you seen her
She is a toilet cleaner
She wears a white smock
Armed with bucket and a mop
She likes to keep things clean
And is a real scrubber
If you know what I mean
She whistles as she goes
With disinfectant wafting under her nose
She replaces toilet rolls
And cleans the toilet bowls
She really loves her job
She has a cat called Doris
And a husband called Bob
Her job is dirty and often smelly
She has a tattoo of a toilet on her belly
At the end of the day
She puts her mop and bucket away
Goes home and has a shower
Then cleans the house within half an hour
Her husband makes her mad
Leaving the toilet seat up
She puts toilet water in his cup
Of tea to sup
She has a daughter called Pru
She dreams of being a toilet cleaner too
She doesn't care about the smell of poo
Just her dream comes true
We should all appreciate toilet cleaners
Just like big Gina.


''Warning! Toilet water in tea. please do not try at home.
 could be dangerous and doesn't taste nice''.


Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.


Details | Free verse | |

Meteorological Migraine

There’s rain in my brain,
A pitter patter on the old grey matter,
Cats and dogs in the cerebral cogs,
A shower dampening my mental power.
There’s precipitation in my imagination,
A cloud collision in my vision,
A deluge in my centrifuge,
A tidal surge has overwhelmed my optimistic urge,
A tsunami is rampaging through my spiritual harmony,
A lighting strobe just struck my frontal lobe.
There’s a vortex in my cortex,
An eddy in my heady,
A blizzard in my gizzard,
Hail in my vapour trail,
Sleet on my feet,
Snow on my big toe
Making me feel low.

I’ll pop a pill and rest my head
Upon a bed of feather
And when I wake I’m hoping
For bright eyes and better weather.


Details | Free verse | |

The Princess and the Frog

Once upon a time and place,
There lived a princess fair of face.
She was searching for a prince to wed,
One of noble character bred.
Many a fine tear she had shed,
When each prince came up lacking.

One day as she went for a stroll,
She came upon a grassy knoll, 
Beside a quiet pond, and saw a fallen log.
She sat down and began to weep,
Her sorrow running oh so deep,
At failing to find a noble prince to share her life.

"Princess fair, why do you weep?"
Asked a voice so rich and deep.
Surprised the princess looked around,
And spied a frog upon the ground.
"Good frog, did you speak to me?"
The frog replied, "I did indeed."

"A princess so fair as you,
Should never have to feel so blue.
Please tell me what your trouble is,
Perhaps I can be of help to you."
"I've been searching for a prince to wed,
One of noble character bred, but all have
    been sadly lacking."

The frog hopped from the ground to log,
And said, "Princess, what I have to say will be a shock.
You see, I'm not really just a lowly frog.
I was once a handsome prince of noble character bred,
Until a hateful witch I tried to vanquish,
Put a curse on me instead."

"The curse is that a frog I'll always be,
Only a maiden's kiss will set me free.
So if you're willing to place a kiss,
Upon my ugly froggy lips,
A prince again will I then be,
And both our dreams will become reality."

The princess hesitated just a bit.
His tale sounded so far fetched.
But then again, frogs didn't talk,
And this one could, so she didn't balk.
She bent down, closed her eyes and kissed him.
In a flash a handsome prince appeared,
  finally freed from frog's disguise.

No longer did this princess sing the blues,
She'd found her prince and at the news,
All the kingdom celebrated.
Everyone was so elated.
The prince and princess soon were wed,
And together they raised chilldren of noble
   character bred.

2/15/13
Entered in PD's Smile contest.


Details | Free verse | |

World Cup 2014

Pain in Spain
Bland England
Shame in the game
Who do you blame
When your approach is lame
Three lions or three blind mice?
I wonder


Details | Free verse | |

My First Airplane Ride

Well there I was twenty or so and never been in an airplane

Well...it just so happened two new friends of mine, were pilots

With many hours logged time after time

They even had an airplane of their own, which they had just flown over my house

Get off your butt, come have some fun, let us see one of your smiles!

So I climbed into this pop can with wings, anxious as the engine started to sing

Down the runway and up we go, the lump in my stomach started to show

But as I started to look around at the patchwork of beauty on the ground

I began to enjoy this soaring through the air, just looking around

Then these two ornery buddies of mine, looked at each other and grinned

I asked OK what are you up to? Oh nothin' just taking you for a spin

They turned and went low down over the lake, well OK this is kinda pretty

But they knew one wing was out of gas and soon would sputter, spit and quit!

Well needless to say when the engine stopped, I went all white in the face

They said, don't worry sweetheart we're OK, we can glide her in all the way

In? In where? The lake? You didn't ask if I could swim!

They had planned this (joke) for me for quite some time

Wanted me to always remember my first airplane ride

After a few seconds they switched the tanks and started her back up

Up, up and away we went back to the clouds above

I don't know if they cured my fear of flying or made it worse

But, I can tell ya some time later - swoosh swoosh - I hear 

As I took my very first helicopter ride!

©Donna Jones


Details | Free verse | |

im back

Stand back 
Here comes the hurricane
The storm is worst then a earthquake 
Ima gas planet like Jupiter & saturn
Sufficication no life just toxic gas 
Blow u to pieces 
It's so interesting 
Reachin for me is like reachin the stars in the solor system
U'll never get to me son
Think twice before u wanna try me
The size of Tyson
Gorilla in the mountin
I dominate this with out fear
I'm better then most u hear
Hate the truth 
I don't give a ****
I'm not the type to smile about *****
I'm smart I osverb the poetry,biology,philosophy,history & literature 
I mind **** so many people
It's like a video game I'm playing with my brain
I go off like I'm on speed
I'm so crazy in the brain 
I can't stay normal
I puff good green 
To keep my head good 
Most of ya wack 
Ya fake take the make up off
I'll spray u with the hose proudly 
Ima problem child 
No one can touch me
U couldn't be me if u took Notes & did research
Ya talk too much like ya was the broadcasters on the news
I'm far from the sun
But I have a heated temper
The flame I leave on the mic it can't be out out 
Call the fire department
It ain't gonna do any good
The savage poet on the loose
Taking mc's out 
Eating em out like oral sex
As long it don't stink ima eat u out the frame 
Ya like on the breakfast menu
Put u in the cementary 
U forgot I'm the grave digger
I dig graves for fun
Most of ya dig ya own graves
Talking about money cars & hoes
It's annoying 
Its having a Knat in ya ear while u sleep
Ya niggas stupid most of ya belong in special ed
The graves I dug
I show no remorse
I'll continue I'm iller then a bad cold
Cough it up u like swallowed hair
Inhale the good *****
Never the doo doo type
U style is lame u sad go to the circus 
Marry the beard lady
U envy me like the rest
I'm slick 
I can scoop a lesbian turn that ***** inside out 
Niggas hate on me I know they don't like me
Ya niggas are ugly it's like u got scraped with a fork 
Sit down 
Watch the king at his best 
I can take many sittin on the throne that's how ill I am
Take em out no competition 
Booyaka it's gettin real 
It's scary the nightmare on elm street
Coming for u in ur dreams 
**** Freddy Krueger 
I'm the true grim reaper when it come to takin souls
Take u out Ur misery 
U a kid in a growns mans world
Ur breath smells like ass & fish 
Take the mic from ya ur skills is dry 
Buy a toothbrush mouthwash and a pack of gum
I'll put u in the graveyard
Dig ur grave 
Dress u up with ur hands crossed with ur eyes open
Ain't it terrifying 
Sign my name on ur casket
Put u in the dirt put u 6ft under
Ur gone ur forgotten
Goodnight sleep in piss *****
Wack niggas wanna be down with the j
But my circle is small 
Sometimes I don't roll with em
Ya Niggas closet fags
Stay on my dick keeping my name in ya mouth why
What ya in love 
**** off i ain't into that 
Going off like I was in Vietnam fighting Vietcong 
Beating my chest like King Kong before he fought the t-Rex
I'll kill ya lawyers
U soft u wouldn't hurt a fly
U talk a good game 
U a motor mouth
****ing with me
Ima cobra ima spit venom right at u
Watch u shake screamin louder then a chick
Goons always got em on dial 
Bloods 
Crips 
Latin kings don't get it ****ed up
I'm nasty as a mold growing in a corner in a bathroom(eww)
**** that 
Worse then a bushy pussy with a fowl smell(gasp)
What's gets worst then that
I can think of many 
My mind is like a computer 
The power is on
I'm full of energy 
I said enough I feel I'm done
Adios I'm ghost I killed it enough


Details | Free verse | |

Going Halloween Crazy

"GOING  HALLOWEEN  CRAZY!"

~Ronald McDonald~
Army of darkness
Agony tears of a clown
Creepy kid smiles 
Everyday is Halloween

      **
~KILL JOY~
Rejection outlay
Spell-caster demon terror 
Assassination 
Bloody murder at the fingertips 

      **
~EXPERATION~
Ivory mountain grave
Skeleton terror of doom 
Where's the buffalo? 
Indian masquerade 

      **
~BEAUTY~
Sky full of beasts
Relevant nights of velvet
Entwine by her bliss
Elvira the night mistress 

 
By:)


Details | Free verse | |

The Great Potato Mash Up

Like a good Canadian boy
I love taters from PEI
So I got myself an idea

Filled my truck
A '67 Chevy
Tons of taters 
(dollar signs in my head)

Sounding like a beast
Driving down the highway
Gears slipping
Brakes squealing like always

In Ontario
Busiest Highway in Canada

Now my story 
Gets weird

I hit a
Slippery spot
Spinning and spinning

Slam into a milk truck
And we both slam into a 
Delivery truck
Filled with butter

Taters flinging everywhere

Cars skidding
Crashing smashing mashing
Spinning swishing fluffing

Road closed

A Great Wall
Of
Mashed Potatoes

I went to a Policeman    
And asked him
"What do we do now?"

He turned to me 
With a grin and said

"Got a fork?"

© 2013 Rick Zablocki?"