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Funny Faith Poems | Faith Poems About Funny

These Funny Faith poems are examples of Faith poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Funny Faith poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Personification | |

A Magic Adventure Of Peter The Pan--part II

Inside the Dishwasher everyone rushed!
Clinks, clanks, rattles, 'Ouches' and ' Ohs'!
"Would you pa--lease, settle down!" said Deb--They hushed.
"Now we can hear...let's just see how this goes."

Curious, Peter, looked out through a chinc,
And watched Vie and Chris-- approaching by twos.
They opened the door--and who do you think--
Standing there wearing her fine Jimmy Choos,
Ms Lost Sonnet!--spoke not a word--but winked.

Wilma Wine-Corkscrew, dressed in purple hues
Gave the 'all clear', and Peter spread the news.

"We're having a party Ms Sonnet, please,
Won't you join us? It's a magic party
For Peter", said Ruben Rotisserie.
Bob Blender poured her a drink--quite hardy.

Connie Candellabra was flaming bright
As Ms Sonnet swept past to the soft couch.
Carolyn Cookie Jar screamed with such fright,
"Quick! She's on fire!" Then Lost cried, "Ouch!"

"I'll save her", said Catie Collander. "Here!"
But the water leaked through her like a sieve.
Susan Spatula yelled, "Have no fear, dear!"
Yet, the fire held on and would not give--

Others tried, but could not stop the fire.
Then Peter said, "I wuw twy! I can do it!
With 'Awwy, I can fwy! Way up highya!
Togethwa, we can save Ms Wost Sonnet!

Awwy is my fwend. He tawks funny, too!
He's aw the way fwom Engwand and he is
My Supwa Cape! So I can fwy! It's twue!
No H's wive theaw--his name is wike this:
'Awwy--not Hawwy." So now, they all knew.

"Did I 'ear some bloke colling my name?"
"Yes! 'Awwy, me! We've Ms Sonnet to save!"
Harry Handtowel--AKA, Super Cape--fame
Was now on the neck of Peter the Brave!

With no hesitation quickly they flew,
Smothered the fire and saved just one shoe.
Brittle and weak, Lost needed more than glue...
"She needs magic! Oh! Paweeze! What can we do?"

"Peter...we only made enough for you".
Said Carol Crock-pot. They all cried, "Boo Hoo..."
"Then give huw my magic! That's what you do!"
So quickly they sprinkled the magic brew.
Ms Sonnet was greatful--then said, "Adieu".

"Peter, you've done well," said Anne Assam Tea,
"Let's all have a cup'a tea and you'll see...
"'Magic's believing in yourself, --frankly,
Do that--and you can do--anything!"

~©deborah burch
5/23/2012

*Special appearance by "Lost Sonnet", courtesey of David Williams...with much gratitude, thank you all for appearing ;)...Peter has many adventures to come...big hugs, love you all, cap'n deb


Details | Personification | |

A Magic Adventure Of Peter The Pan

A Magic Adventure of Peter The Pan/AKA Peta The Fwying Pan

Peter was a fine young pan with blue eyes
Like all the other pans his age, except,
Peter could not yet pronounce 'R's'--he tried...
And 'L's'...so hard he tried. He even wept.

School had been especially hard today
Peter had been poked, teased, and made fun of
More this day than any other school day...
And the ride home took so long on the bus.

When he came through the door, his mama knew
"Why the long face? Are you hurt? Are you sick?"
"No ma'am," said Peter, "Just tiwad fwom schoow".
"Some cookies and milk may just be the trick!"

Mama said, as Peter sat down to eat.
By now, everyone was gathered around
To hear of his day--and sneak a treat.
So he told them his story...and they frowned.

"How can someone be so cruel! Makes no sense!
You are the smartest and brightest of pans!"
Said Debbie Dishwasher-- then cycle rinsed.
The rest agreed and came up with a plan.

"Okay! It's agreed!" said Bob the blender.
"You need magic!--THAT--we can render!

Charles Chalice and Gail Goblet--my dear
Bring what you have, for this magic milk shake.
Michael Magic Grill...you go get us some beer
And also get Peter a great big steak!"

Then everyone sang together with cheer:
"A parr-ty! A parr-ty! It's a parr-ty!
We are all...having...a magic--parr-ty!"

Everyone was busy, hust'ling around.
Tams the Golden Toaster was making toast.
Tex Texas Tea Pot hummed a whist'ling sound.
David Dish and Sara Spoon danced the most,
Except for Marlon Mop--he could 'get down'!

Carol Crock Pot was fixing up the Soup.
Russell Rolling Pin had rolled out a crust
For a magic pie with love from the coop.
Joann Juicer made fresh smoothies--a must!
Suddenly...a sound was heard on the stoop...

"Who could that be? It's nearly midnight!"
Said Cyndi Chandlier all bright with light.
Christopher Cutting-board called, "I'll go see!"
Vienna Vaccume said, "Not without me!"

"Wait!" Debbie Dishwasher cried from the sink.
"Let's look at more options. We need to think.
It could be someone in need of a meal...
Or, it's a burglar--come here to steal!"

"Everyone else! Quickly! Hide inside me
Until we find out who that sound might be!"

deborah burch©
5/23/2012

*****end part I...conclusion in part II




Details | Alliteration | |

Stink Thinking

Poem by: Mr. Ronald Watson
Sep. 13, 2012
My Poetry on PoetrySoup

Stinking Thinking

Stinking thinking/ it leads to drinking./
What moisten the soul without an inkling?/
Unto making a wild left turn /while the right signal light were blinking./
Within a mild mix of rice, hops, and barley,
Since/ it is too much laugher at a karaoke party./
How Elvis sounds like,/ a broken Bob Marley?/
Now it’s as if,/ inhibitions are lowed/
Frozen in time/ and slipping far out of control./
As intuitions of minds does loathe,/ as such weariness echoes for tomorrow./
Yet,/ a stinking breath that smells just as death/ and it's where all funky asses dwells./
Though/ all hung over /and unjustified to flinging heavy heads into that porcelain king,/ 
Even this is a sight for red sore eyed Kings!/ 
It is an aftermath of ravishing through them royal purple cloth bags./
So/ afraid to admit that shallowness slowly drags!/
When,a sense of clarity which will just admit it.
That stinking thinking is difficult to kick, but
One day at a time, it is the only way to shine, or get fixed.  

Thank youMy Poetry on PoetrySoup
God Bless.


Details | Haiku | |

It is now

Ain't a word, you said.
but it takes a daring gust 
for things start to be.


Details | Rhyme | |

Where Has Dad Gone, Mama Dear

Where has dad gone, momma dear?
Hush, my little lamb.
Your dad's gone to the thicket dear 
And mad old Abraham

That man went early this grim morn, and took his sharpened knife
And with him took his own first born, to offer up his life
With servants and with firewood, both, they journeyed to Moriah
And on the hillside there they built an altar and a fire

And Isaac, when he heard the plan, went willingly, it's odd
That he should let that daft old man, so worship his cruel god.
Your father, he was passing by, and heard but could not see
And foolishly could not deny his curiosity

So closer did your father scramble peering through the thorns
Unaware of how the brambles tangled with his horns
Just to see a crazy man who planned to kill his kin
Your father did not understand the danger he was in

For then again that mad old man started hearing voices
His god was speaking to the loon and giving him new choices
And so his plan to slay the boy came about to falter
And Abraham, he took your pa and dragged him to the altar

But that was never fair, mama, can you tell me why
When Isaac he was all prepared and well prepared to die
And all had been decided on, so what cruel trick mama
Was played upon that grand old ram, who was my own papa?

Life is not fair, my little lamb, nor is it like to change
And fate plays tricks on all of us, both sinister and strange
So you take care, my little lamb, with this advice from me 
Do not visit places where you know you should not be

The moral of this story dear, is take heed of the odds
And stay away from two-leggies worshipping their gods


Details | Sonnet | |

Eternity

I am looking right at you and you don’t even know it.
I will deter your intent and throw you off a steep cliff.
But in the air will be my snuff and gruff you can sniff.
Eventually I will have some sort of mercy of just a bit.

Surely we are above empowering manners of tat for tit. 
Maybe I’ll light a scented candle and blow you my whiff.
Or maybe I will strand you grounding your bones to stiff.
Opposed or decomposed and still composed I won’t quit.

Upside down,
Inside or out,
I’ll throw down.
I am the clout.

Don’t mistake my identity,
Either or, it’s your eternity.

® Registered: Ann Rich   2009


Details | Rhyme | |

Mister God

I knelt by my bed in the morning 
And said, “Please Mister God
I want to be pleasing to You today
But though I try so hard
I sure seem to loose my way.”

“Don’t you worry, little lady”
Into my ear whispered He
Take a walk down the street with Me 
I’ll show you some things
I do as I am Me.”

We walked down the road
The signal was red
A man on a mobike sped with no helmet on his head
Wife and children gleefully clinging to the seat behind
“Where are they rushing, in a manner so blind?
Either they’ll be in heaven or send one up of their kind!”

“Ah, that’s not all,” He said
 “Look now, what do you see?”
“Oh my God! How can this be?” 
A boy jumped from a bus that was running 
Nonchalantly into cars that in chaos were crossing
“Dear God, on the side walk in one piece can he still be?”  

My list grew longer 
And my amazement larger
“Dear God!” said I, “We do things we really shouldn't be
How come there are still so many of us walking the streets on our two feet?
For by now there surely should be more crowd
For St. Peter to regulate through the yonder clouds.”

“Child, because you are you, 
You run and break the rules.
Because I am Me, I watch over thee
When you turn around and say you’re sorry
I balm your bruises and prop you on my knee
Because child, I am Me.”

“Lord, you’ve got one tough job
Guarding the faithful, the faithless, one and all.”
“You too are on my list, my little child
As is each one I made, I am always by your side
To the Pearly Gates you must come one day, one and all
But that will only be on My call
Till then not even a sparrow will fall.”


Details | Free verse | |

Excuses Excuses

If Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers, would you care? Would the peck be put in a glass jar? What if he dropped a hair in there? And, if Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet digging and found the jar that Piper had hidden in the muck, along side the skull of Cro-Magnon man? “Ahhh, NO we’ve found the hip girdle and he’s a she!” Well, ole Pipper’s pecker would have gone to the pie in the sky and Miss Muffet’s tuffet would have gone to compost; So, how would the archeologist know for sure? " Why the HIP, you hafta have hips, miles and miles and mile of hips… Baby you can be a hero of course just put that ‘orse behind the cart!” Heart, well it’s left the building too. “Geeezzz it was just a pump whatcha want from a pump?” Thump, thump, from the bump, bump, then ya hump, hump, and my goodness, we’re back to Peter Piper and his pecker? “NO, no, his peck of pickles and Muffet’s missin’ tuffet? Well, I say the stars, yes the stars, show the way, the celestial meaning of the id, the I, the you, the ego too, and love “Ahhhhhh love the excuse for it all!” The pickles, the muffins, the tuffet, the bumping the humpin’ The free for all of we!


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Free verse | |

The Egg Eaters Hallow

HE WEARS A COAT OF ASH
ALWAYS TALKING 
TALKING FAST 
LIKE A SNAKE THROUGH THE GRASS
HE SLITHERS AND CRAWLS 
HE SLITEHRS AND CRAWLS
BUROWS THROUGH THE WALLS
WHATS YOUR NAME  
LETS PLAY A GAME 
I’M INSIDE I’M INSIDE
TRY TO HIDE
I WILL SEEK 
GO AND CRY 
GO AND SHRIEK 
I’M INSIDE 
TRY TO HIDE 
NO SECRETS YOU CAN KEEP 
WHERE DO I FIND THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
HE WANDERS THROUGH THE SHELL 
TO FIND IT AND TAKE IT 
TO SOME FAR OFF HELL 
HIS TONGUE IS QUICK 
HIS MIND FULL OF WIT
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
HIS CLAWS ARE MEAN 
AND HIS MIND IS KEEN 
SEARCHING FOR WEAKNESS 
SEARHING FOR SECRETS 
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE 
HOW MANY OF YOU COMPARE 
WHATS YOUR NAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
IT’S A SHAME 
I WILL BREAK YOU 
I WILL TAKE YOU 
FINDING FLAWS
OLD WOUNDS RAW 
DIGGING DEEP 
DIGGING DEEP 
HE FINDS IT IN THE KEEP  
HELLO LITTLE ONE 
HAVING FUN 
I HAVE NO NAME 
I PLAY NO GAMES 
ALL I HAVE ARE FANGS
AND YOU ARE HERE 
TO HATCH DISPARE 
I’V COME TO MAKE YOU DISAPEAR 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
SEE YOUR WALLS 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN 
THEY’RE CLOSING IN  
WE WILL BE COMPRESSED 
FORMING MESH 
MERGING INTO ONE 
LIKE ALL THE OTHERS 
YOU ARE DONE 
NEVER SPAWNED 
TO FIGHT THE DAWN 
I VE COME TO MERGE WITH  YOUR SOUL 
TAKE CONTROL 
YOU WILL BE 
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME 
ALL YOUR NEGATIVITY 
WILL SUBMERESE
WILL DISPERSE
JUST ANOTHER TWISTED PART OF ME
ALL YOU EGGS 
KEEP ME FED
KEEP ME GROWING 
SECRETS SHOWING 
KILLING DEMONS 
BEFORE THEY’RE BRED 
KILLING DEMONS 
TO KEEP ME FED 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF MESH 
A FORMLESS SOUL 
MADE OF UNBORN FLESH 
WINING THE WAR 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 
ONE EGG AT A TIME 


Details | ABC | |

The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.


Details | Lyric | |

The Ego is a funny thing

The Ego is a funny thing
Tell you what you want to hear
Have you grinning from ear to ear
It’ll assure you of everything

It’ll drive you to achieve
Make you look cool, Make you look mean 
The ego’s got a plan
It’s going to teach what to believe

It’s going to show you what you need to know
Don’t listen to what others say
Don’t worry I’ll guide the way’
Have you looking like a fool, while you’re feeling cool

You need some money, I’ll teach you greed
Dress the part show the illusion
Do a little dance, have a little drink
Laugh and cheat and think its ok

Need a date, first you got to play the game
Put you in a fancy car
Wear shades to hide your eyes
protect you from being recognized

You’re in control or at least you think you are 
Opinionated to the core
Ego dipping, forever tripping
Hand waving finger flipping

The ego’s a funny thing
It’ll miss-lead you in every way
Then call you a friend
Confuse you and do all over again

Have you fighting with all your friends
Like a game without an end
It’s that demon in your mind 
it wants to control you every time 

(Verse 1 repeat)
The Ego is a funny thing
Tell you what you want to hear
Have you grinning from ear to ear
It’ll assure you of everything

Doesn’t matter if its night or day
Cause the ego wants to play
Always laughing when you’re thinking
Right or wrong it can’t be swayed.


Details | Verse | |

Can You See The Cookie Tree

I was walking in the park last week,
when to me, a young boy did speak.
'Excuse me mister can you tell me,
where can I find a cookie tree?
I know that there are some in here,
and I've been told that they are near,
yes, before I was the age of three,
I knew all about the cookie tree!
I've never seen one yet, although,
they're definitely here, yes this I know,
as from a very young age they've told me so,
that cookie trees in this park grow.
So come on mister, tell me please,
where in this park are the cookie trees?
I have to find them before I'm old,
and they're definitely here, because I've been told.'

I answered him in the following way.
'Since I was young I've come to play,
and wander freely all around this park,
but your question leaves me in the dark.
Because, never once in all this time,
have I come across any sign,
to tell me that cookies grow on trees,
where did you get your info please? '
Straight away, the kid replied.
'Oh well, you're the first one that I've tried.
I didn't think I'd do it with ease,
you know, find the orchard of cookie trees.
So I'll carry on until I find,
someone who believes, and isn't blind,
yes a person who really, truly agrees,
with the fact that cookies grow on trees!


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Strenght for the Journey

I asked for strength for the journey
But its in the journey I find the strength
I hear lost souls cry out
These are more than just words that I think
Yeah I'm on the brink of disaster
Lady Luck I'll come by and see you later
But at this time I'm ending the game I only got like ten minutes
But actually I'm running five minutes late
Yeah! its kinda like my life story
Yep, the red foe is crushed now
Sure, I'm just like lightning that is struck down
Like the beginning of wisdom, is to distinguish the differences
I face my fears, I continue in the face of resistance
Because the path of least resistance is what makes both men and rivers crooked
If I have another hearing the judge will throw the book at me
And last night, Oh my GOD why did you forsake me
I got on my knees and prayed for guidance through this darkness
I went back to where it started: and I walked away, took away the threat and became the target
Of course I'm more than just a product of my environment
I'm entirely> Aware that there are 2 kinds of conspiracy
The conspiracy of the government and the conspiracy of the devil
My soul is here just to show you, you must dig deeper inside yourself
I've reached way past the point where it seems hopeless
Every door in Sweetwater is closed to me 
So I close the door to hell and open the door to heaven
It was God who said everything my hand touched would prosper
And my hand has touched this keyboard
And my voice is just screaming out to touch that microphone

    "Get your microphone and make it pretty; Put a skull around it for this city"




Details | Limerick | |

A Whale of a Tale

When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.

Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.

Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!”  they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”

Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.

As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!

Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!

Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.

Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!


Details | Narrative | |

The Wayward's Road

As I stumbled on the pebbled road 
I broke a toenail and it left bloodstains 
On the humble stones.

“Why did you let me get wounded,” I asked.
A voice from behind the obsequious hills answered,
“I did not,” the voice said reassuringly.
“I desired that you take the other road, but you didn’t listen.”

I trod on. Pained.
I searched for a band to stop the bleeding.
A long black thing lay on the grass.
Serpent!

“Why did you allow that devil bite me?” I cried.

“I did not,” the voice uttered.
“I sent an old man to give you a handkerchief 
for you to bind your broken nail but 
you said you weren’t crying.”

“Why can’t you just warn me at once?”

“I tried to.”

“You did? When?"

“I called you but you thought I was your girlfriend.”






Adjudged 8th Place in Destroyer~Poet's COLLABORATING IN THE CLOUDS Contest
June 20, 2012


Details | Limerick | |

The gun and god combo

"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill 
And need to own more than just one

A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack


Details | I do not know? | |

Why Are Church Doors Locked

WHY ARE CHURCH DOORS LOCKED?

I have been a member for many years. I attend when ever I can.  I pray and pay.
I guess, I took it for granted, but not anymore. I must stand up for all that want to know.  For all that need to know. No! I am not a  hero, but I would like to know. 

There was a time in my youth, when it was un-thinkable to lock a church door. Did congress pass a law, while I was sleeping?  Should I call the sheriff?  Why didn’t the pastor tell me?  Does he know? Did he lock the front door, side door, and even the back door? Does God know, the doors at the church are locked?  Saints, we are in big trouble.

Okay! Let’s get serious. Are you trying to keep something locked out? Are you trying to keep something locked in? This could be a sin. There are two individuals in the congregation that I can ask.  They certainly must know answer. After all, their name is Brother Lock and Brother Smith. Yes! The Lock Smith Brothers. 

Now if the Devil is locked up, when I leave church, I’m okay with that. You say, I should not worry about this.  Well! It is now at the top my list. I want to know more. It’s time to stop church crime.  

Dr. "G"


Details | Couplet | |

Where does the Time go

I feel as though time is slipping away,
And more is gone each passing day…


Details | Free verse | |

THE ACTION OF WORDS

"Each experience is locked within my heart and only I hold the key..."  

Please do not edit the quote , or add anything to it, use as given. 

It can be the first line of your poem if that is what you want

FAMILIARITY GROWN STRANGE, COMFORTS NAUSEATED.
CARRESSING HANDS CAUSING SHUDDERS WITH 
THEIR CLAMMY COLD TOUCH.

PASSION PAUSES IN YOUR AVERTED EYES, 
WHILE YOUR LIPS PRETEND TO SAY OTHERWISE.
THIS EMOTIONAL HAULOCOST
CAUSING MY ARMEGEDDON.

IF ONLY MY HISTORY, 
IS TO REMAIN, RATHER
THAN REMAIN THE MOMENTS,
OF MY PRESENT REPEATING THE,
SAME SONGS OF SORROW.

METHOIC MEMORIES HYPNOTIZING EXISTENCE, 
PASSIVELY,
OBSERVING OTHERS ALLOWING DISTANCE. 
BETWEEN SELF AND SENSE, 
SEARCHING, THRU CROWDS OF CONFLICTS,
WITH THE OCEANS OF EYES IN THE HORIZON DROWNING,
IN THE SEA OF LIFE.


Details | Limerick | |

A day in the near future

What dark force wears the devil’s mark (666) 
And bites those thrown off “Noah’s Ark”?
Dragging sweets through the mud
While chomping for blood...
A bully is like a white shark*

*Only white sharks have better table manners, and so in the tradition of Emily Post—the innocent eventually rise up and seek justice—and use knives (and forks and spoons)! 

This poem was inspired by Laura Breidenthal's recent poem entitled "666".


Details | Free verse | |

I’ll Take The Tall, Dark and Handsome, Oh, I Mean Coffee, To

She looked shyly at him from behind her menu
His eyes were a baby blue that sent chills
Through her whole body; she could melt right here 
And have that waitress he’s talking to mop her up
Typical Barbie doll type with an pretentiously
Effervescent personality that makes you want to 
Roll your eyes and scoff--The environment they 
Were in was a hustle and bustle type of place 
Where time waits for no man...as soon as people
Were done eating, they were cleared out and 
Another party was ushered in

“It is essential to business that you eat,
Order and then leave.” The Barbie Doll waitress’ 
Nasal twang only served as a catalyst for 
Her frustration--She kept peering over her 
Menu at the Adonis that kept her enraptured
“Well Honey, what’s it gonna be?”
Barbie’s voice oozed of impatience
Not taking her eyes off The Gorgeous One,
She replied softly, “I need more time.”
Barbie’s demeanor escalated from 
Impatience to hysterical--“More time! 
Honey, you gotta order, or you gotta go!” 
As the hand went to the waist
And the hip thrusted out.

Now she had enough of this witch and her
Attitude---Why couldn’t she just go somewhere
Nice to eat and be able to enjoy the view?
“No, I don’t gotta go---You do! She exclaimed
As she stood up, knocking her bag to the floor; 
Menu flailing back and forth
You are SO nasty, why would I want to eat
Here? You probably SPIT in the food!”
The waitress stood back, aghast
What evolved next was most of the patrons
Getting up and leaving; unpaid checks and
Half-eaten plates the fallout of this outburst
The owner, who tried to assure people there was
No saliva in the food, bellowed for the waitress
To get into his office while the rest of the staff
Scurried around trying to recover from the 
Losses they incurred

As she took a deep breath, picked up her
Bag and her dignity, The Gorgeous One 
Came from behind, put his arm around her
And smiled
“That was the greatest thing I ever saw,
He said as his eyes shone intensely on her
What’s your number?” And she felt like a
Rocket flying to the Moon
Elation to go.........with a side order of
Breathless


Details | Rhyme | |

down n' out in the outhouse!

chillin' in the outhouse,
gettin' high on turds;
thinkin' 'bout my crappy life,
can't sum it up in words!

i share my bed with an ogre,
she fibs between her teeth;
an angel on the outside,
a devil underneath!

the kids ain't worth a quarter,
always wantin' more;
they won't go out and get a job,
what are they waitin' for?!

i got a cat named Bonzo,
he won't use the litterbox;
barfin' hairballs every mornin',
right on my favorite socks!

my silly ol' dog named Marco,
with a brain no bigger than a pea;
he never barks at strangers,
instead, he barks at me!

my bills are in collections,
i might be losin' my job;
they're 'bout to take away my car,
i feel like a rotten slob!

i guess i'll grab my gun,
maybe i should end it all;
i'm tired of everybody's bull,
i'm tired of takin' the fall!

just when i think i've had enough,
others are havin' it worse;
suicide's the cheap way out,
it's time to put God first!

who knows if i'll be homeless,
or in the employment line;
today i'll weather the storms,
tomorrow the sun will shine!


Details | Carpe Diem | |

I

If its money I got its money ill keep. If its money I have its money ill weep. If its love that I give its love ill receive. For I am but no one who just see's beneath. Some say your only as strong as you feel, but how could we change..in a place that's so unreal. People are hearing but..not really hearing. Why is the world so blind. I keep on screaming and screaming and screaming for things to be revolutionized. I am just a small song in a world full of cries, laughter, tears and french-fries.