I'm not the person you think you see
'Cause I've got demons inside of me
I may have a smile on my lips
But I have cuts on my wrists and hips
You see I'm damaged, fractured, and broke
I'm surprised I still have hope
No one loves a broken girl
Especially not in this big bad world,
I'm too far gone and you can't save me now
So I will just keep falling down, down, down
Into the depths of my own demise
But it's nothing new, not a surprise,
These demons here hate me so
Sometimes I think I should just go
'Cause I welcome death with open arms
Death looks nice, it has so much charm,
Nobody here loves me anymore
And life is such a dastardly chore
They want me gone, I can tell so much
And someone told me to never trust
So now I know everyone lies
This is what many people need to realize,
But people will always trust
'Til that trust turns to dust
And take a shot in the dark
Until they are torn apart,
And now maybe you see
Why I have demons haunting me
But if you do not
Then you don't know the battles I've fought
And don't judge me at all
Because I will just continue to fall
I don't want to die,
But my mind feels old;
My body is so tired
And my heart grows cold;
Hands itch to slice--
Just the skin--just the skin,
Blood flows out as the pain seeps in.
They wanna give me pills
To treat a pain they haven't seen;
They try to cure the symptoms
Without knowing what it means,
To pick apart my brain
Without dirtying their hands,
While I drown in a sorrow
That I can't understand,
While unhelpful friends throw
Such unhelpful advice:
"Stop feeling sad!"
"Think of things that are nice!"
Meanwhile I wish
for an end to the pain.
I don't need any pills--
Just send me a train.
Spin off Happy Days
Na-Nu Na-Nu Shaz-Bot man
Planet Ork Mork fly!
© PoeTTreeZ Publishing
Don't ask me to apologize for being the monster inside
I refuse to set any agony i have aside
Don't ask me to torch out the fuse i have growing
There is so much torment behind this face without anyone knowing
Don't ask me to unmask this demon i enshrine deep in the dark
It fuels my spirit, whats left of me creating a tiny spark
Don't ask me to let go of the past
All the exploitation has been passed
Don't ask me to neglect the flashbacks you put into my head
So many wounds on my arms from the times you made me bled
Don't ask me to excuse all the sin you created
Cause my heart is buried distant enough it has to be gated
Don't ask me to uncoil and live a little
For how many times you beat me till my bones became brittle
Don't ask me to not dread all of this
I'd have to count the times of deaths i'd nearly miss
You've made me the monster
now don't ask me to apologize
Many people have no clue
Of the hell I go through
If they only knew
The pain and agony, too
Why do I say depression kills, age 14,
Twenty times I have tried with pills
Wished I was dead at times still
My brother was depressed, too
Going to counseling he needed to do
Guilt I feel because I knew
Should of been the one to help, too
Thirty-two years it tortured my mind
Peace I can never mind
It sometimes puts me in a bind
Can't relax and unwind
Many times the teardrops fall
Get angry and wanna hit the wall
The pain within, no longer can bear
Living with depression isn't fair
At my heart, it really tears
Unless you have depression,
Please don't say you understand, too
Because you really have no clue
As night begins to fall, she sits quietly at the gate.
Her ambitions are high, but it is up to fate.
For he's not the only one, that death will endure.
She waits like a stone, she wants to be sure.
She cries out to God, believing not, that He is there.
She debates once again, that this life is, or not fair.
The wind seeps through her, as if she were a window.
The gun at her head, awaiting the hard blow.
Her love went away, without making a sound.
He's buried beyond the gate, six feet underground.
She longs for his arms to wrap around her tight.
It won't be long now, she will be with him tonight.
As she counts to three her hand starts to quiver.
She pulls the trigger slightly, as she feels a slight shiver.
She is now ready, to commit this horrible sin.
Someone will find her in the morning, and open the gate to put her in.
She will be wearing a white dress, like she did on their wedding day.
There will be no more sadness, like when the cancer took him away.
There was a loud explosion, her body, now limp on the ground.
Her spirit rose out of her, escaping to where it was bound.
She opened her eyes, and then began to scream.
There was nothing but darkness, it had to be a dream.
She searched around blindly, then she heard a loud voice.
It asked, "Why did you do this?" She replied, that she had no choice.
She heard her name being called, and went to find the source.
She was startled when she found him, he sat laughing without remorse.
He then welcomed her in, as she entered this empty space.
She heard voices screaming in agony, a puzzled look upon her face.
She knew something was wrong, and began to run away.
But there was nowhere to go, this is where she would stay.
She then prayed to God, with everything that she had.
He replied, "I am sorry,” He sounded disappointed and mad.
He explained to her, His decision, why this was the only choice He had.
He disappeared quietly into the distance, leaving her to remember what she had.
She looked up to find her husband, waiting patiently by an unopened door.
She begins to run in his direction, wanting to be with him so much more.
He blows her a kiss slowly, across the air it fell.
Leaving her feeling shameful, feeling that she deserved this Hell.
Thinking that she should have waited, but knowing now that it was too late.
Oh how she wishes to go back, where she sat waiting patiently by the gate.
Water trickles on her wrists
Wiping away the blood
Wiping away the pain caused by so many others
The voices in her head are screaming for her to kill herself
Telling her to forget about the small amount of hope she still holds on to
For that hope is the only thing keeping her alive
She feels as if everyone around her don’t see her
They see her as broken, something that can’t be fixed
But everything can be fixed it may not be perfect
But it still holds value
In this case the value of a person’s life
Someone who didn’t deserve the way she was made to feel
She had people tell her ‘I hope you die in your sleep’
Or people saying she was better off in a coffin
These words she started to believe so after so many years of hoping she gave up
She gave in to the voices in her head
That night she went in to her father’s study and took out his handgun
She held it to her head and with tears streaming down her face she pulled the trigger
Her parents woke in a fright and ran to the study
To find her limp, cold body lying on the floor, hoping that what they saw wasn’t real
That there baby girl wasn’t gone
They blamed themselves for not seeing how much pain she was in
For not noticing her when it mattered.
Today is the day I have
chosen to die,on the wings
of an ANGEL I will fly high
I feel I could have been
better while I was here,
but on the wings of an
ANGEL,I will have no fear.
All my life I had to put up
a fight,but on the wings
of an ANGEL I will be alright.
Things may have been better
if id'e taken time to pray,now
I am on the wings of an ANGEL
and I am going to be ok.
Please LORD watch over my loved one's.
Colleen Marie Bono
I cut to see if I feel how it's like being human,
I cut to see the pain relinquish inside,
I cut for all the memories that remain to drain down in the sewage
What symbols life runs with death in that rusty pipe.
A slash here and a slash there,
What happened in the past?
A slash here and there,
Soon the memories don't last.
Scissors, knives, razors and sharp edges
keeps a bloody smile, no more weep.
Slice and dice, trim more than the hedges
And I don't care if I go to deep.
One scar closer to a never ending dream,
I don't care if I go to deep.
I fall down
deeper and deeper
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
into each cell
turning them against
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
they are hurt
I have betrayed them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
all a game
for one person
the man in the
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
I can't see him
but he is there
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
the sound is mangled
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
only black do I see
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
filled with misery
my worst fears
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
I look sick they say
they see the bottom
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
keeping them steady
picking up tempo
they found it
the music does the talking
it says to hush
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I know what
it is flesh
but belongs to someone else
they smell of dirt
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
I see something
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
I fill with evil
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
I hear him
is his pleasure
oh so dark
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
it would be better
instead of up there.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?
Do you see my wrists?
They cry blood when I do this;
Push the blade deeper.
her life is on the tip of his tongue
the sparkle leaves her eyes
an arrow to his chest
drawing her to her death
a feather falling from the sky
the death of an angel
her wings turn blood red
like the color of the red sea
the sword drawn out of the ground
by her own hands
what he could not do himself
she has done for him
He falls unto to his knees
the arrow she had put into his chest
the greatest of betrayals
She asked for her death wish
Holding the ring in her palm
He looks into her eyes
watching the love she had left for him disappear
Falling into despair
Her face hitting the ground
Blood surrounded her body
He watched as she died
He couldn't move from the love that had pierced his chest
It's filled with pain
My mind is stained
Stained with every memory
Sometimes I think today will be my last day
This place causes me so much pain
I wish I didn't have to stay
Some days are worse than others
Dying for food
I'd do anything
To many things go through my head
Will I be able to keep down my next meal?
Will I live for tomorrow?
Is this terrifying place even real?
I feel so alone
Yet I'm surrounded by people
But this place could not be called a home
There's no life in these places
Or in these faces
Everyone looks dead
As so do I
Most of us haven't been fed
My eyes have been marked
With these dead bodies that lay upon the ground
Without a soul I still look at them
Soon I may be found
As one of them
I see the pain in your eyes
The fear in your voice
I know because I've been in your place
It's not your choice
I would hate for anyone to feel this way
Please don't leave this world
Just try and stay
This isn't the only way to go
At least don't leave without a fight
You were never alone
You had me right by your side
Even when you never wanted me around
I promise to you I never told a lie
I was always honest and true
You don't have to end your life
I've tried to many times its not worth it
Please put down that knife
I mean it
Stay with me
Fight this battle with me by your side
You always had me don't you see
I was always nice to you
Even when you where terrible to me
I fought threw it and you can too
You're just a little seed
Waiting to grow into something beautiful
Angel of Death,
Cloaked in black.
With black scaled wings,
Upon her back.
Angel of Death,
Coming for me.
As soon as I sleep
Then dead I will be.
Taken by the night
It swallows and consumes me.
Now I am the angel
And death becomes me.
Bang, there goes another.
Another life, another meaning,
Gone. Gone like the rain in the desert
Never to return.
It’s the sad truth that our children
Cannot live in harmony together on our Earth.
We turn to the isolation.
To the pain.
To the self-hatred and the bitterness.
But what do we gain?
Our lives are not statistics.
We do not deserve this belittling
We do not deserve this treatment.
And yet we still take it all in stride.
We fall and we fall but it never seems to end.
And so we take everyone down with us in the long run.
When will we learn to grab hold,
and stop this incessant falling,
this constant drowning in our thoughts, in the shouting words of others?
Bang, there goes another.
A lost purpose, a lonely child.
Never to see themselves better than the ugly words of others
It's not suicide,
helplessly into that dark place.
The one you've covered up for so long.
The one that is hidden behind your smiles and laughs and rehearsed joy.
For so long you've waited,
everyday only getting closer and closer to the edge.
You cut and bleed, hurting yourself because somehow,
someway it helps with the pain.
When things are good, they're bad.
When things are bad, they're horrible.
The pain of day to day life can be only so tolerated.
'Till that day when the cutting,
and bleeding doesn't help anymore.
And you finally fall.
You slip so effortlessly into that dark hole,
where there's no room for light.
Nothing but the final escape from that bitter pain.
As it gets darker and darker, you can see the light.
Not a light of something better, but a light that it's all over.
It's like a continuous rabbit hole,
Until you hit the bottom and you're gone.
It's not suicide,
Who wants violence?
Hold on strong,
The fight is nearly
Fighting to breathe,
Fighting to see,
It's hard to believe
this is me,
I never saw myself
falling to the
But in the end this
is how I'm paid,
Torn from fears,
All I know is that,
I'm not sure why I'm
Told to live,
But living a lie,
Stuck in a place
where everyone wants
me to die,
Hurt and confused,
Broken and bruised,
Not sure what to do,
But i Will fight
till I can't move,
This is what I must
I do not know?
Red angry lines cut against
My white pale skin
A contrast to the perfect
A flaw in the flawless
So imperfectly perfect
Others- they don't understand
How beauty prevails in such a thing
They don't understand how amazing
The pain can be
It's a portal to another world
A world free of torment and trouble
One where freaks like us can survive
It's the escape
Escape is what we want
What we need
We crave it as a baby craves it's sleep
We are the cattle in a slaughter house
The prisoners on death row
We are the freaks they hate upon
The imperfections that never fade
We are us
But us is never good enough
Not for them
Jab Meri Bechaini Mit Jayegi
Jab Mere Dilko Sukoon Mil Jayega
Yeh Khaalipan Mit Jayega
Do Pal Ki Chandni Ke Liye
Aj Bhi Zinda Hoon Main
Meri Khaamoshi Ke Ageh Aasmaan Bhi Khatam Ho Jayega
Kehne Ke Liye Toh Roz Marta Hoon Main
Thoda Aur Marne Ke Liye
Yeh Deewana Kal Phir Ayega
DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH
Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath
In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
There was a boy I used to know.
He never let his feelings show.
Turns out he wanted suicide.
When he died, I cried.
Why did he have to go?
Was that why he never let his feelings show?
He hung himself like a criminal.
That’s not what he was like at all.
He still had time to grow.
Maybe he should’ve let his feelings show.
There was a boy I used to know.
A long list of names with not a friend among them
Is it just of book of hidden faces
Not a single word I've ever said was
written with truth
And here's the proof
When there's tears streaming down my face
Stuck in place
Is a smile that is a lie
When every time I look around
I want to die
No friendly faces, in the brightest of places
And I can't make a sound
Is this life or is it just a dark hell
How is one to live without living
Lost in a sea of sound
The darkness inside me
Is seeping through my heart
and making me lose my self control
Turn the shower up higher so they don't hear me cry
It's all I can do, just living a lie
The friends I thought I had
left when I was reaching my lowest
Now as I sink below the surface
The sun is the dimmest of lights
Scratching at my sides
Not ready to go back to the blade
So long gone, I've reached the breaking point
but I'm afraid to let go
Doubting the fire in your heart
Firewater to wash the tears
Laughter hides the rain
Witty lines to overshadow the silence and the pain
Missing Doubts, fired from life’s strains
Acting roles, never I me
The Big screen, keeping you all over there
As I play my own role, hardly can I bare
Enveloped in sadness
No letter inside empty walls
Fulfilled now, the dead poet
The comedic tragedy
Hanging up side down
Too tired, I retire
To the society yonder
To capture the attention everyone else gets but you
You do whatever you can to get it
Even if its bad
You continue to do it
To get the attention you never had
And the attention you will never get
You want the perfect body and soul that everyone else has
You want to feel important... special
So you seek for a better
Much higher thing
What you need
You dont quite know
But you decide that
You will do whatever it takes to make you happy
Sometimes it means
Because the hole inside your heart needs filled
And thats the only thing you ever had
The only thing you see
The only thing that someone gave to you
The thing that got everyone talking about you
The thing that got everyone to even look at you
So if you decide to kill someone
You kill yourself afterwards
Because you felt lonely again
You felt that no one was watching you
That no one even cared
Then you think about all the things that
And you pull the trigger
Then theres no more you
Next time someone sees you
You will be on the news
Where now you are special
I'm dying and I'm angry because it isn't fair,
and with my family, friends and loved ones this news I will not share.
It's hell for me to be going through all of this alone, but that is the cross I must bare.
It's my last gesture to show all of them how much I loved them and truly cared.
The last thing that I want is to be the cause of any of their despair.
If I told any of them that I was dying,
it would only serve to depress all of them,
and so my limited time left with them, for all of them, never to them will be known.
When I do feel that my time is drawing near I'll announce a trip I'll be going on.
I'm a wilderness survivor enthusiasts.
I've been known to venture deep into and live in very remote wilderness.
so one day I'm going to announce to them that I'm going on another little trip.
I'll leave unknown to they what will be my following final statement.
"If I do not return, please do not notify any authorities.
Please do not send out any search and rescue parties.
If I do not return it does not mean that I've suffered any life threatening injuries.
Most likely it means that I've made a choice to continue living there and never leave,
living my life naturally and in solitary with all of nature surrounding me.
That's the way I've always pictured my retirement to be.
Inevitably I will one day die in the wilderness, but likely in my sleep peacefully,
but for all of you I will never die, at least never officially,
and you'll assume that I'm still living my life the way I always wanted it to be,
in solitude far away from any so called civilized society.
I'll miss everyone of you very dearly,
but I'll be living my life in a manner that will truly make me happy,
and isn't that the way retirement is supposed to be?"
I'll embrace them all and share with them how much I hold all of them so dear,
and then I'll venture off into the wilderness, never again to reappear,
and should it ever look as if I won't die after all peacefully in my sleep
I've brought along a little extra insurance with me.
If the pain gets over bearing or if I get too weak
to successfully forage and gather enough to eat.
If malnutrition is getting the best of me,
I'll swallow a half dozen tranquilizers which will render me unconscious shortly,
so it's very important after taking them to stay active on my feet
until I begin to feel the effects of the meds affecting me.
Only then will I lie down comfortably
and slip a plastic bag over my head snugly
secured with a rubber band around my neck for extra security.
Within seconds I'll be deeply unconscious and asleep
and I won't even be aware of any discomfort as my carbon dioxide I breath.
and then slowly, humanly and most peacefully
my final exit will arrive and death will take me.
Animals will scavenge upon the remains of my body,
providing them with much needed nutrition for them to eat.
The rest will decompose and bring nutrition to the soil
which will provide seeds with nourishment enabling new life to unfold.
I will then be for all eternity where I most would ever want to be,
among nature's wildlife and forests of fresh streams and lush trees.
You told me you wouldn’t leave
You promised you would stay
But now because of her
You’re considerably far away
You reassured me that you loved me
That you’d always be by my side
But once she pledged her loyalty
You left and so I cried
Without you I felt lonely
Unable to move on
I knew that life would get easier
‘Cause it’s darker before dawn
I tried so hard, I really did
To forget how you betrayed me
So many years of marriage
And to think how you repaid me
What does she have that I don’t?
Did I ever do something wrong?
It feels like it’s been forever
Since the last time I felt strong
You left me in the dust
So cold and hard like stone
In all the years I spent with you
I never thought I'd be alone
I remember walking down the street
When our hands were intertwined
I remember the time of innocence
When I was so sure that you were mine
Your fingers entangled in my hair
Your kisses upon my cheek
Your soft breath upon my freckled face
That made my knees feel weak
You said that I’d recover
I just can’t help but see
You caressing her tender face
While I’m wishing it were still me
I feel the life drain out of me
Just as when you did leave
But I smile to myself as I go
Because it’s you who’ll get to grieve
As much as I am filled with hate
It pains me to see you cry
I wish you’d realized you still loved me
Before you saw me die
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
Take me to the countryside
where all the daffodils grow
fresh perfume saturating the air
dispersing sensational aroma
in the atmosphere.
Take me to the countryside
to inhale the balmy fragrance
of mother earth,
to walk on grassy lands
and hold each other hands.
Take me to the countryside
to gaze at the swaying trees,
and listen to them humming breathlessly
in the chilly breeze.
enchanting birds singing in the gusty afternoon,
dancing vigorously to their melodious tune.
Take me to the countryside
where all the natural things grow,
tangerine, oranges , banana and kiwi fruit.
homemade yogurt ,sweet yam
and fresh milk from grandpa’s lamb.
Take me to the countryside
to coalesce with earthy peasants,
to run up and down the cornfield
and waddle through onion beds.
Soak me in nature,
and replenish my aching soul
purge my agonizing wound,
and distill my sorrowful tune.
My soul yearns for spiritual fulfillment
to drown the chaos from the external environment,
mineral water and running streams,
strumming guitars and melodious flutes
are singing harmoniously,
and whispering the truth.
lead me to a place of comfort,
a place where I can breathe,
a place of beauty and incomparable dreams.
Take me to the countryside
to mingle with the animals,
to go horseback riding,
and camp on the mountain top.
Take me away from this hopelessness,
to a place of peace and quietness.
Take me away from this desolation
and find away to solve this confusion.
I want to be free,
free from this burden and misery,
so take me with you before you leave.
When I close my eyes and count to three
at the sound of the whistle
I charge you to set me free.
©2013 Christine Phillips
TO A FORGOTTEN SUICIDE NOTE...
On the gallows o time my soul
Hung in despair.
Faith released its terrible swift sword;
Least my thoughts forgot.
Least my thoughts forgot the footprints
To be free of the mystified feelings locked
In catacombs of dreams
Stroking spiraling smoke to blurred visions
Gone stale like yesterday's day.
Time passes and grief remains dissatisfied.