HORSE FROM MARS
It came from the sky, a gray silver stallion.
I looked up high, and I have also seen a dragon.
With so many things in this universe.
I'm on stand-by with a camera in my purse.
Who would have known I'd be the first to spot a PEGASUS.
The town folks wave hi every time I walk my hippopotamus.
I enjoy showing everyone, my pictures of a flying horse.
I don't see why they call a DOCTOR every time I call the TASK FORCE
I think they are jealous over all the things I've seen.
They act all crazy since I sighted a LEPRECHAUN when I was fourteen.
No one ever believed me when I saw an army of dragonflies.
They have a name for me "the boy who See's too much in the skies!"
I don't know why they can't see what I see.
For all I know they are all experiments under Alien Technology.
They don't believe me how I got this magic MEDALLION.
It was a friendly gift from the silver stallion.
I also have many pictures of a UNICORN.
We became best-friends when he gave me a piece of its magic horn.
We sat together while he drank from the lake.
We enjoyed talking, --talking about how U.F.O.'s are fake.
Why can't they see? The day I fell off a boat, I got rescued by a MERMAID!
Who would have known a mermaid swim around with first-aid.
I also remember the day I followed a LEPRECHAUNS.
We were playing under the rainbow having so much fun.
When I told my doctor about all the things I've seen.
He locked me in a DUNGEON, thinking I was the ALIEN QUEEN.
I begged and I told him I don't believe in any type of alien.
Too bad the master of this dungeon came from another region.
In a way he looks like that one SILVER STALLION from Mars.
The first creature I'd seen the day I fell off the monkey bars.
I have this picture of this horse of course.
JUST help me out of this white-jacket!!! ;-)
If you want to see the coolest picture of a flying horse.
(A small collaboration with: B-Boy)
re-post for ~FUNNY CONTEST
Will poems to my dull senses rise,
In plainer garb, or apt disguise?
Can turn of phrase else serve an end,
To vanquish foes or win a friend?
What ardor gains a rhyme’s release,
To grant me treasured moment’s peace?
So is it merely hubris’ child,
That lets me dream I’m Oscar Wilde!
2nd Place, Best Poetic Form, Poet Destroyer A
You asked me if I knew ‘the perfect girl for me’
I think I’d be ideal but sorry I’m not free
I’ve got a lovely friend she is Mary from the dairy
On second thoughts no as her legs are much too hairy
Of course there is Annie she’s got the most enormous fanny
It would look better on an elephant the resemblance is uncanny
Oh I forgot about Susie she’s got quite a dark moustache
When you went to kiss her you’d get a stubble rash
I’ve got a stunning Thai friend but he is a lady boy
Beautiful on the outside but in bed you’d get no joy
Then there is Melissa she got the biggest boobs
She gets them out for fun you can see her on You Tube
I wouldn’t introduce you to my mate Regina
She’s had 8 children she’s got a very slack vagina
Poor old Ellie has got the most humongus lips
They’d look better on a trout she’s not one you’d want to kiss
I guess the perfect girl simply does not exist
So sorry to disappoint you please cross me off your list
10th September 2014
Oh honey, oh honey are you coming to bed
I assure you, my darling, this thing ain't dead
I've swallowed some oysters, and eaten a fig
Just wait and see, it's going to be really big
I know that happened last time, it won't happen again
Got chocolate to get blood, pumping through my vein
You're right I'm forty and on that anti-depressant drug
But it doesn't mean we can't get freaky down on the rug
For lunch I had an asparagus,avocado, and arugula salad
Come closer my princess, for I'm the dark knight in this ballad
I 've tried coffee, honey, pomegranate, yohimbe and beets
For a night of deep passion and to share in your treats
Oh honey, oh honey come join me in bed
I need to hold you closely and rest my head
From Life of Cat
From life of a cat what can we learn?
Never have seen one wearing a sunburn
Our cat we do have that does exist
Seems to think he is a ventriloquist.
Took meow test and great grade he made;
To write poems even tried to persuade
Sweet and low chariot was met by a meow
And what I am about to learn no one knew.
In our house, cat has a humble place to live
Sufficient food and water to him, we will give
But when he wants to eat by himself alone
He likes ice cream served on a crunchy cone.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
So where is the cat poem contest at?
When It Comes to Someone
When it comes to someone who can scratch
Compared to our cat, there is no match
Always likes looking around and will lurch
Trying to search for a place to perch.
This is my entry for cat poem contest
Which I'm sure definitely will be the best
Cat poem anyone would love and laud;
With forehead, my cat gave this a nod.
My cat to me has always been nice
Every place which we go will be paradise;
My eyes were wide open and would not squint
Trying to find out where he had went.
Around whole house did look and look
Turned over boxes and then them shook
From somewhere with a loud meow he said
How about looking under your big bed.
Now why didn't I think of looking there
For my cute cat who is beyond all compare
Wondering under bed could he possibly fit
When I stuck in hand, my finger got bit.
James Thesarious Hiloarious Horn
Man in Kitchen
So this is it, this place I’ve never been
I wander in and find it’s kept pristine
So this is where she disappears
And later on the food appears
Ah well! I’ll have to do my best
I think I’ll try that chicken breast
All I have to do right now
Is figure out the where and how
Unsuccessful, heaven knows
Why these things come all froze
But of one thing now I’m sure
There’s nothing for me in that drawer
Boiled potatoes, that sounds nice
Maybe with a pan of rice
Doors are banging, pans are flying
She can’t say that I’m not trying, hah
How much rice should I whack in
Sod it, shove the whole pack in
In the pan the waters pouring
This cookery I’m am so exploring
Pans are bubbling, all seems well
I’m creating such sweet smell
Now I see the rice exploding
And potatoes are imploding
This is harder than I thought
An easy meal I tried to sort
All my efforts are now gloop
So think I’ll fill on poetrysoup
Later on that night she says
Lets move the earth in many ways
Sorry dear, tonight no quakes
I have one of your headaches
Richard D Seal
11 March 2013
Now usually when a spider finds its way into my home
I squash it right away saying, hey my space alone
But one day I came upon a fuzzy little spider there upon my dryer
Frantically running up and down the chrome strip which looked like a mirror
He bravely reared up and fought this villain in his way
Up and down this battle raged a good part of the day
I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, but he didn't care
He boldly continued his plight, the enemy was near
The battle over and he's laying still, I wonder to myself
Was it victory? Or was he awaiting his pending death?
I gently took him outside and placed him on a tree
And told him, you're the mightiest little spider I ever did see
'Twas our Christmas Eve dinner; we all had sat down
at the table to eat. Grandma couldn’t be found!
We children were fussing; Dad rose to his feet.
shouting, “Where are you, Ma? We’re ready to eat!”
When from the next room we heard such a noise
Jenny squealed, “Santa Claus must have brought toys!”
We then heard a sound like a whimpering pup
saying, “Help. I’ve fallen and cannot get up.”
Grandpa jumped up and then rushed to the door
that led to the bathroom. There on the floor
lay our poor grandma, eyes widened in fear,
looking like she’d got run over by reindeer!
The dresser had fallen. It had her pinned down.
Grandma was wildly flailing around.
More swiftly than Rudolph, we did all we were able.
We unpinned her. Then Mom yelled, “Back to the table!”
Back to the dining room all we kids came
As our mom started to call us by name.
“Davy, Mel, Jenny, Angie, Marie. . .
Get back here now. I’m counting to three!”
Like animals not having eaten all day,
stuck in a cage without getting their way,
we sat at that table our bellies all growling,
and Davy, the baby, by now was howling.
And then finally what did appear?
Dad with our grandpa and grandma so dear!
Supported by both our grandpa and dad,
Grandma was flushed and looking quite bad.
She was dressed in a housecoat trimmed in white lace
and a big purple bruise had now formed on her face.
Mom pulled out a chair helping Grandma to sit,
and then our dad bellowed, “OK, have at it!”
Our mouths how they watered to see the large ham.
“And that isn’t all,” said Mom, “I made lamb!”
Her small pretty mouth was turned up in a grin,
“The food’s getting cold now. Children, dig in.”
Our dad how he laughed as he poured lots of gravy
onto his potatoes and kidded with Davy.
And Grandma sat smiling despite her great fall
while Grandpa gulped spiked nog, not talking at all.
With eyes that seemed bigger than my own belly,
I dished out big spoonfuls of cranberry jelly.
Mom winked and I knew I had nothing to dread.
Her pleasure was in us all being well fed.
I went straight to work at stuffing my face
when suddenly Mom said, “We didn’t say grace!”
We closed our eyes listening to our dad’s prayer.
I peeked but was met by my mom’s warning stare!
Dad finished the prayer with a hearty Amen.
Then we were all grabbing Mom’s fixings again.
When the food had all vanished and our stomachs hurt,
we heard Dad exclaim, “So what’s for dessert?”
For Francine Roberts' "Christmas Dinner With Humor" Poetry contest
The lover, bold beyond his years,
loved when she held him by his ears,
as in their bless'ed mingling place,
he kissed her as he washed his face.
For ever he'd have stayed down there,
but for his need to rise for air.
And at the end when they both rose,
up from their lust to put on clothes,
he saw within her looking glass,
his naked image, sagging arse,
and knew his past did best his future.
Or they don't make mirrors like they useter.