Laying here ...
On the grass
Its such a peaceful night
Laying here ...
Slowly I inhale, exhale,
Look at all the beautiful diamonds
in the sky
I soon begin to visualize
Your perfect face,
your perfect smile
My mind quickly begins to
To the days when we were so
much more than Once upon a
I have but one regret in life
I let insecurities dictate how I
walked the line
Hand in hand
with ignorance and pride
So many feelings I held inside
The love of my life, I self
If only I had told you a long time
Your name is written on my
Your silhouette imprinted within
Maybe you would have never closed your door
on me ....
I cant get in.....
He has changed the lock
And now she holds the key.
Clumsy days and hazy nights
Haunting and bring me tears
I should stop perturbing
Whilst my heart still whipping
Wrath of nature is just reflection
Of my fragments that created imprints
Within my being that stands steadfast
Even in the darkest days of my existence.
Be careful taking your first step on the wooden bridge at night,
The dark abyss may entice the careless away from the light,
The serpentine wind will tease and tempt you to give up the fight,
“I warn you, now; the risk is far more than it seems at first sight.”
Some lost souls are made of stronger thread and will not heed the call,
They laugh and run straight out ignoring the risk and the fall,
Rash soldiers who trade a pound of caution for an ounce of gall,
“I warn them of the danger but they do not hear me at all.”
The old dry wood here is rotten and can easily splinter,
I saw a whole family, fall, as if they didn’t matter,
Death waits here and all it needs is another beam to shatter.
“I warn everyone but some take my words as useless chatter.”
I remember well the lovers; oh they were full of mischief,
Adam wanted to meet Eve on the bridge and sneak off like a thief,
Adam was in such a hurry their encounter was very brief.
“It was joyful to hear them promise a love beyond belief.”
Joan was a beautiful young girl, who had lovely words to weave,
“Come my handsome Prince; escort me to heaven, and by your leave,
I will beg your pardon and find the grace to attend your sleeve.”
“What sad alchemy does love perform when faithful hearts believe?”
I recall Mathew, a lively man who crossed the bridge with cheer,
“There isn’t much of a vision when the darkened clouds appear,
I prefer to stoke the fire than watch the Sun disappear.”
“ But when the fire was out he huddled near the bridge in fear.”
I saw, sad old Mark chase a butterfly and fall to his fate,
He had bright colours in his eyes and a gazelle in his gait,
He was too good for this bridge , and fell, and drowned in waves of hate.
“Beware this bridge will silence both the humble and the great.”
I remember my old friend Luke who had his head in the skies,
He told me that the voices spoke to him of secret truths and lies,
I saw him climb over the edge, here, and hang on to the ties,
He held on bravely but soon the visions faded from his eyes.
So I must warn the blind men, to be careful who they follow,
To walk in grace and spare a thought for the ones who lay below,
To be able to cross is easy, there is little to know.
“Walk freely over this ancient bridge but pay me as you go.”
She walked through the woods
remembering his face
ashen and grey against the pillow.
He had been taken by
the sweeping sickness
that had engulfed her land
taken so swiftly
that she had not
had time to reach him.
The pain of her loss
had been unbearable
and she had roamed the house
in rage and grief
at anyone who came close.
The madness had left her eventually,
left her alone
bereft of her love.
That was many years ago now,
but still his face haunted her,
his eyes accusing
the horror of her absence
that he must face alone
the time of his death.
It never left her, this guilt she carried.
Many had consoled her, told her that she
was not blame,that it was not her fault.
She knew better,she remembered telling him one dreadful
storm filled night, that she would always be there.
She shook her head free of the memories,
she was old now and it was so long ago,
she would be welcomed when she left this earth.
Absolved of this guilt that had consumed her life.
She saw the tree as she entered the clearing.
His treee, his favorite place.
Whenever he was troubled or scared
she would find him there,curled up beneath the boughs.
It was his haven, his place of safe keeping.
Glancing around she felt again,as she always did
his presence near to her, tantalisingly close.
She walked to the tree and sat down,
resting her back against the trunk,
letting the sunlight warm her face.
Slowly as she sat there, eyes closed and silent.
He came to her as if in a dream,
or perhaps she was dreaming, she did not know
or care,she only knew he was before her,
that her love was with her once more .
Tears streamed from her eyes and her throat burned
as he touched her face,stroked her hair.
A smile touching his lips as he gazed into her eyes.
Slowly he knelt before her and lay back,
resting his head on her lap.
Happiness swept through her like fire,
he was forgiving her, letting her know
that it was not her fault that he had died alone.
Her hand traced the features she loved more than life
and her lips met his in an endless kiss.
The night was dark when the villagers found her.
She was sitting in a clearing, lying next to a tree.
The moonlight illuminated her in its silvery rays
and in its bathing light they saw what they had
not seen in decades. She was smiling, in death
she was smiling.
12 , December 1999
Copyright 2013 ACB
I miss the way you hugged me when I cried and how you told me how you loved me
every night but now you won't even look at me and you don't even talk to me
anymore and when I'm upset you just laugh and walk away........... All I want to
know is what did I do that was so bad that you treat me like a punching bag........ I
miss the way you kissed me but I guess you've moved on and I try boy do I try but
your all I dream about all I think about is you, you were my world and now your
gone I'm so lost without you I cry every night because someone will say your
name....... What I miss most of all is that I could tell you anything but now you won't
even listen.............. What kills me is you saying goodbye for good goodbye god
those words kill me every time good bye good bye good bye....
A yearn… simply something that you want or long for. As a yearn to finish, a yearn to achieve, a yearn for a like, a yearn for a smile is something that you drastically want, a desire. Something that you spend long hours, nights even day dreaming hours thinking about how you can earn that smile. What can you do…. or what can you say … things such as a conversation sparks, likes even dislikes, mostly anything that will crack a smile. These are things that truly show signs of something far greater than fame, sex, money, power. What is it? Something more than I have yet to find. So as I search for the answer I over shoot the entrance with rapid thinking of what she wants, her likes, her dislikes. But truly it will only be earned by who you are, what you want to be, yourself, your feelings your desires, your yearn. So when you yearn for that smile or that special something it can only be earned by being you, no one else. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and try to see past the makeup or tan or piercing and just look at yourself… then take that image and imprint it to yourself forever because to find happiness and your yearn can only be earned one way. Trying to watch her and she how she reacts to certain things just to make myself seem better when I finally open my mouth to her will only make you distant from that special someone. With me I personally see myself as buff pierced orange person, while trying to continue to follow the people who I look up to the most. So as you struggle and go through life’s trials and tribulations always look at your yearn or what it once it what was. Think about how you felt when you failed or succeeded and try to make yourself a better person from it. Not by adding more glamour or appeal to yourself but by being closer to yourself. What you really are. Because only then can you truly say you earned your yearn of a smile or that special someone, even if there not with you, apart of them will be and that’s the part they left. The part that made you better. More complete. So never forget your yearn of her..
People think they know you but truth is no one really knows the true you. People always say they know me but do they really? Know one knows the true real me only I know all my secrets and the things I hide and know when I am hiding my emotions. You look at some one and judge them just by the way they look or talk and dress, but do you really know what is going on? People judge me all the time for how I look, how I dress, how I talk, how I act towards people. You can’t just judge some one when you first meet or see them. Why is it that people judge each other? If you just judge people and not get to see the real them you might just miss out on a nice person. Yes I judge people but I at least give them a chance to prove my judgment wrong.
As the rain falls down on me,
Before the end of the day.
Curtains will rise once more,
During the final play.
Even as the sun goes down,
Falling from the sky.
Greeting us the stars will shine.
Heaven knows why.
I often wonder if we deserve this
Meaning that if we don't give it,
Never will we spare strife.
Oppressing the weak,
Persuing the poor.
Questioning some things
Still as life goes on
Trying as we might.
Violently in this fight
We cant go on in life like this.
X-ing out everything
You were the first bell in my life but
Z is the last to ring.
Now's the time to say good-bye...
And, no, I won't miss you,
And, No, I won't cry.
I've gotta move on, get outta this place,
I'm sick of your "stuff", tired of your face.
Once upon a time, our hearts were both pure,
But now, you're my nightmare,
And I'm just your whore.
Laughter and love no longer remain,
I know if I stay here you'll drive me insane,
With your goddamn attitude, your late night alibi's
All of your promises that turned into lies...
So I hesitate before I reach the door,
And take a look around once more.
You're staring at me with sadness in your eyes,
I know you too well, baby, it's just a disguise.
Now's the time to say good-bye...
And, YES, I will miss you,
And, YES, I will cry.
Daddy the alcoholic,
every single day,
full and countless glasses,
help him please, and bring my daddy back to me.
I hope you are with me when stars
fill the sky. Come talk to me
darling wipe the tear from your eye.
Time's growing short now, my body is
weary. This will be much easier as long
as you're near me. Hold onto my hand,
tell me one of your stories. What's that
you say, here comes our boys? Peace fills
my body and love fills my soul,for right
at this moment my family is whole. Night
draws so close and I long for some rest
Tell everyone I'm ready, my body knows
best. Silently into the night I leave
from this place, with memories of you
and the love on your face. I'll
be by your side even after I've gone.
Remember I'm waiting like the sun does
I love you; I hate you
Jealousy is not the cause
Killing you wouldn’t justify
Lustfully breaking the laws
The third line is not an option
I smoke this cigarette
One puff at a time
I smoke this cigarette
And wonder why I’m dying
My teeth are yellow
My lungs are black
All I do is hack and hack
My hair smells bad
My clothes stink too
Is that why you don’t want me next to you
I can’t walk up the steps
With out running out of breath
My chest feel tight
Its hard to sleep at night
I spend all my money
I could buy other thing
Hell with all I spend
I could buy diamond rings
For you or my kids that I’m going to leave behind
I can’t believe I don’t care that I’m dying
Mom I promised you I would do my best to help my brothers and sisters pass
life's test to remember how you were before you were laid to rest.
Mom I`m finding it really hard to do, my brothers don`t talk to each other they`re
playing a fool, my sisters can`t stop crying for you.
Mom I fill no matter what I do it`s not right, try finding peace in this family fight only
to find I did nothing by the end of night.
Mom I remember our last talk, you said no matter what you would be by while I
take this walk, mom I need your strength for my life they mock.
Mom I told you I`d be fine, that I was not blind, that at the end of this road peace I
Mom I fill I`m not the one, all this stress I`m not having fun`m stepping up while
the others run.
Mom I told you I promise, but it`s my family that suffers and it`s them I miss, so I
ask you please help me through this.
Mom I am doing what I said I would, while the others fail to do what they should,
Mom I did the best I could.
Mom,.... how come,.... you chose me to be the one?
I know its the summer time because of how naturally
Your beauty compliments the caress of a summer breeze
As I watch the world from beneath a shady tree
I take in the delightful comfort of everything I see
But in the same breath I am holding up my hands
Lord will you please give me back the things I no longer have
They are even more a part of me now that they are gone
As the sun falls below where the horizon is still holding on
Somewhere between the falling light and a star lit night
Is a dream that last forever and will never say goodbye
As the wind gently blows through the brush and shakes the leaves
It begins to hum a melody that I want to sing
At that very moment I smile for all the joy I have
Its so uplifting for me to see melancholy dance
Soon the morning sun will rise and capture my eyes
As I watch the hand of God paint a brand new sky
With every stroke of color I swallow all my pride
And I find a new place to dream of endless times
If I should ever get to the place I left my broken heart
Only then will I believe this brand new day will start
Again Im reminded of why my heart beats so restlessly
Only the speed of thought and my soul beneath this tree
That dark night, I cried in the heavy rain,
And cold drops blended with my grave pain,
O, sorrow, thou shed down my live meadows,
What relief didst bear thy wary falling widows.
Lost deceived spirit from not love betrayed,
Cold in the dark, tyrannized silence swayed,
The splash of paradise glory cannot be seen,
And all agonized humour shade eyes’ screen.
Night haunted thoughts, and my dejected soul
hovered in the chilly dreams of undying fall,
Frozen in mortality, knowing yet, there’s more,
Of my future history to be told of my past lore.
Dark in the cold, deluded by paths of lies,
Paved by fatuous wisdom and falling rise;
Lost in legacy, impeded by hysterical ties
I obediently surrender to stream of eyes.
My father shed a tear before he calmly died,
A single shallow burn on skin swiftly dried.
And the morning lionized congruous rain,
How rigorous thou art, nature, when in pain.
Listen my love...
It's time to say
Since the day the
world came into
existence it has
been grim and cold!
Like a medicine
we'll have to take
sooner or later
Its taste in our
At this time tears
and promises will be
In an empty solace
The curtains fall,
the film is over
The one we thought
would never end.
As you see we've got
nothing to talk
Just sorrow in our
This is separation
what we had never
It's the twin sister
I'm leaving! We'll
never see each other
This were our last
You'll start a new
with your new
he'll kiss your
he'll whisper love
to your ear
Except for the
what a shame
nothing left of me
inside of you
put out your
cigarette we can get
10 steps later our
paths have to split
Don't! No don't cry
And don't say
anything to me
Cause even when
you're breaking up
one should stand
I'm leaving..yes I'm
We'll never get to
see each other again
This were our last
You'll start a new
him with your new
Here in the middle of the nothing I'm lost, I've wanted every single thing for me, i
wanted something better, but i just noticed that i already had every singel thing i
wanted, every single thing i needed, now i'm sailing alone looking for that thing i've
lost and now i need, i've lost something the biggest chest wouldn't hold, the money
wouldn't buy, i've lost you my heart.
to: ashton, the girl i miss so much
Meu estômago faminto
murmurando contra mim,
murmúrios de tristeza
murmúrios de dor,
morto de frio
Please don't leave us,
We need you more than you ever know,
We love you Freddie,
And we do not want you to go.
Who would hug us?
And wipe our fears when we are in pain,
Hold us when we needed it the most,
For the past few years.
Forget about the others,
And think about your family for once,
You will be leaving us behind?
We will miss your sweet smiling face,
We will miss your happiness,
We will miss your hugs,
Please don't leave us,
But it won't make us love you any less.
If you chose to go,
Then we will wish you well,
Remeber all the stories you told me.
Memories stay locked in out minds forever,
And when you leave you still be in our hearts,
always and forever.
Is this pain real or are we the ones who created it??
Did we create all the bad feelings or were they already created?
Are we the ones who opened the cage for it?
When did we surrender to pain, hate, cruelty and darkness?
Happy life has vanished from this world... We weep every time we feel sad....
Why can't we weep when we are happy?
Even though there are no happy moments
There's a story in our tears
There's a story in our fears
There's a story in our pictures
There's a story in our lives
Those story's will always be in our hearts
None of them will show on our faces...
Love, this is the home of craggy sorrow
Each bleak house hugs a solitary widow
Waiting more at a pale silent window
Which portends the dead empty path
This carry the northern cold winds
Of early mornings into the gloomy strath,
Folding time, impatience and wrath,
And all day long, become friends
Footsteps' echoes and pattering of little ones,
Nabbing illusions of joyful shades of tones,
And miserable hearts those endowed anxiety,
And eyes, lips and noses always ready to cry,
Yet how they are innocent, ignorant and pretty.
O love, how the untold words are never dry,
And never desert me like the green in a cedar
Everlasting homage to warmth of leaves
I doubt that my absence should less differ;
I believe when time rashly counts and leaves,
I should feel your waiting when I disappear
Holding close to my soul your rich serenity,
I should roam your world like a dead star;
Long ago vanished, yet glistens bright and clear
Like your sad eyes when full of precious tears
Those guard your peace and banish your fears.
P.S Habibaty ( my darling in Arabic)
Sometimes I sit all alone,and remember all the promises we made together,than I see them fade away in the wind,kind like the petals of a flower, were feelings over come my fear,than I remember you had me on a spell,you deserve a round of applause,you had me fool, you always was embarrass of me,according to you I was the clown,were all the tears you gave me,were behind the jokes i made,and the smile I kept from fallen down,you deserve a round of applause,what's your next trick?,try to break my heart,or better yet,lie to me, make me fall back to your arms, what's the matter cat got your tongue,that's not suppost to happen to you, your like the best when it comes to magic, you once told me I was your light,trust me not the light of the dance floor,more like that old abandon light bulb in your closet door, you deserve a round of applause,you had me fool,I could swarn,that trick was real,you gave me so much to think about,and tears to deal, what's your next trick? Run away with someone else and forget about me? Do me a favor and erase my mind,and blind my eyes with more lies, you can't miss ,it works every time, for your last final trick, steal the show with your screams and hits,this time I'll know,I'm not to blame,you can hand cuff me,and rip my heart once again,don't you worry is just a stage,sometimes I sit here all alone as I turn the page,the rip pages of our love story,I finally came to the end,did you know she didn't love him cuz he wasn't cool,oh wow! you deserve a round of applause you had me fool.
At times I feel like I'm Judas
Who gave up and betrayed
I feel like I'm trapped in a cage,
Slaved and made ready for trade
I feel like I'm raped and abused
And all infected with aids
Paralysed and standing on the blood stained
Side of the blade
At times I feel like words,
Moments before they are erased
Determined to mean something
But deprived of praise, deserved
No wonder I choose to put on a smile,
While my soul dies inside
We all wearing masks,
And mine has a face called 'everything's aight'
At times I feel like a carcass,
Being sucked by flies
More like an infant that cries
After being circumsized
And my nights? Are all filled with hatred
My hearts' aching, I keep believing I might never make it
I deserve to hang naked,
On the balcony of hell
With six pieces of my flesh,
Locked up on a cell
Because I'm still a sinner,
I still drown in this mud of guilt
But I'll never keep my eyes off the church
Christ wants me to build
You dont have to do the things that I like anymore
you can come home at what gour you want
you can stay awake on the street and never go home what do I care
Im tired of loving waiting worring and missing you
find yourself another hero I became history for you along time ago
I gave up daydreaming about you I burnt your photos I threw away your belongings
maybe it wasnt as eay as I thought but I have come to accept it
I gave up everything not just you everything that contains you
We recite a pool of unspoken words,
swirling around as our paths meet,
wishing they would reach your ears,
of what that's buried heavy in me.
Never will I ever get the courage,
to look through in thy windows,
as my world comes to a halt,
the moment your presence nears.
Mysterious as it may appear,
till this day no clue or whatsoever,
its hard to take my step aback now,
as I didn't leave any trace ever.
Vision that plays the role well,
could only engulf you from far,
in this endless game of passion,
I have nothing but all those seconds.
The burden that hangs in me,
leaves an unbearable pain all day,
no matter how i advice myself,
my heart always ends up in dismay.
The spell that have upon me,
may be gone one merry day,
but the memories that lived in me,
fail it may never to haunt me.
i set at home all alone
wondering what to do
where did i go wrong
i fell like my life is through
im stuck in a place
i dont want to be
my lifes a disgrace
my soul wants set free
what am i going to do?
im stuck against a wall
torn between these to
someone is bound to fall
it starts with a gaze a smile
walk past someone you admire
gather youir emontions
feel your thoughts
by much amazement
you find your self tangled
amazing, how much you can feel
and take that rollercoaster ride
enjoy the chase
its fun for awhile
the everlasting gaze
you seek for a mile
the anticipation erupts for a Short time
no matter what place or what time
and where your at in your life
love can come with an blink of eye
easily givien.. simply taken
we run with our hearts
only to be caught up through time
live for the now
live for the emontions
not a single care for heartache
only to suffer
by what is before us
a simple gaze a touch
a smile from all the above
the scent comming from a mile
compare to an emontion we crave to have
again only for a short while..
We strive for that passion
that feeling of being one
when you look into her eyes and just feel
home again .. im home
im happy and i feel free
free at last..
hope you never wake up from this dream
of feeling love and all its benefits
having to love someone so much
such larger then life itself..
having to feel alive..
we walk on
we do the above over and over again
in search for love
for the knowing that we are not alone
we all crave the passion.. for chasing for loving
the choice of oppertunity
Love don't paas me by because i'm sweet as honey freash as a
lily and i bloom just like a rose.
When you look into my eyes you can see the truth be told deep
within my soul.
Sweet love don't pass me by on this lonely night i cry.
I am as gentel as a feather i am as an angel who is always ther for
you to protect and comfort you,
i am as the sun that shines after a stormy day,
i am a rainbow of luck that'll make your days so swell.
Sweet love dont pass me by when i am here for you: rather you are rich
or poor, rather you are right or wrong ,rather you doubt me
or beleive me, just don't use me or abuse cause what I say is real and
true... true unto my heart and soul.
Sweet love don't pass me by on this lonely night i gaze into the moon and the
glisten stars that shines so bright in the mid-night sky
hoping and praying that this love we share just
don't pass me by.