When Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head
Yesterday I went home for lunch
I never go home for lunch
When I got to our apartment I don't know why
but I didn't reach for my key
I was sure I had locked the door but I didn't reach for my key
I reached for the door knob and turned
The door was open
The moment I entered I knew I froze
I could feel it smell it hell I could taste it
I started walking but my muscles wouldn't move
my lungs were grasping for air for some oxygen
but I could barely breathe
Leave I told myself but I kept walking
Not really walking, it was like a slow motion scene in a movie
But this wasn't a movie
This was my life and I could feel it slipping away from my grasp
I heard noises
Francine
I had heard those noises a hundred times before
they were the sounds of an Angel
but this was no heaven this was my own private nightmare
The moans traveled through the muck in the air
and were amplified like the hiss from a distorted speaker
It mocked me over and over again
Climbing a mountain might have been easier
I finally reached the bedroom
I knew the moment I entered the apartment
Why hadn't I just turned back
I could barely see my eyes were
covered in layers of salted moisture
but I could see her I had never seen him before
They were naked in our bed Our bed
You'd think the green eyed monster
would control my actions from here
on in.
I was insanely jealous but I didn't want to
end up the morning headline in the newspaper.
That monster jealousy was by my side but I took
charge. I'd have to keep him at bay, at least for now.
You'd think I would be mad I wasn't
You'd think I'd curse and call her whore she wasn't
She was just sharing, sharing her body
with someone, someone who wasn’t me
Being cut open alive must be less painful than this
I had done the same countless times before
That was so different it felt so harmless the other way around
You excuse it rationalize it away
But this hacked away at my spirit
and tore at my self-worth
I spoke I mean my lips moved and words came out
I think I think I said I'm not sure it all happened so fast
she never spoke
I could see the shame on her face
she didn't need to speak but
but I think I said Sorry I said Sorry and I left
I wandered for what seemed hours it was minutes
It wasn't like I was meandering to a different drummer
there just wasn't any music anymore
I was moving to the rhythm of the beating of my heart
Like a broken record it was skipping
I suffered in my circled steps
until I couldn't stand anymore
and found just enough strength
to return to the apartment
I knew she was gone I already felt the emptiness in my frame
She was gone
She had left a note
It said Sorry
Sorry!
We both were.
Maurice Yvonne
Sponsor: Verlena S. Walker
Contest Name: The Green-Eyed Monster
Copyright © Maurice Yvonne | Year Posted 2014
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