What If

I’ve been thinking so much lately while so many thoughts are continually running through my mind, making it harder to unwind and sleep. I can’t even remember what it was like to have peace as memories replay within my mind as if it’s on a tape and stuck on rewind. Sometimes each day seems like when I am stepping forward I should be stepping back either way I am so far off track looking for a map to show me where I’m supposed to be at. But it’s like my eyes are half way closed and I’m afraid of moving to close to soon. So I keep imagining thousands of toasts of friendships begin, but as I stay in this depression I keep locking emotions within. While the words “what if” haunt me deep inside from all the possibilities I refused in life. Forever wishing I could change all the times I decided not to try, as I cried, while blaming others for my failures as I hid within my mind saying over and over again “ if only”…. But knowing I have had chance after chance to react on those painful words “what if?” is why my thoughts remain like this