Wait

I prayed as a 17 year old girl that the lord would send me a husband that would complete me, yet the lord said wait. My body longed for a child three years later to the date. The lord heard my cries and said only one thing my child you must wait. I filled the space of my missing father in search for what i wanted and came up empty handed. The lord said stop and again wait is all he commanded. I questioned my faith and doubted my god because of immaturity and lack of discipline. I messed up college and a good job mentally confused due to some abuse and god spoke again. Wait he demanded. I chased what i thought in my mind again i needed and was left insecure and mistreated. Indeed free will makes endless room for mistakes and as i turned thirty the lord spoke again and reminded i've never left through whatever you have faced. My trust again proven misguided believing in falsehood and should've done as the lord has said repeatedly wait! Convincing myself i had found the one i prayed for so long ago and ashamed yet again that i failed to to appreciate and realize why the lord had me wait. My mother admitted she had been praying. It was right on point with what god had been saying. She asked that god give me my best friend. She told me slow down i have my whole life to to get to know him. I was frustrated and impatient i somberly admit. I lacked loyalty,faith, and courage. My years was sculpting me into this perfect mold . A mold of imperfection but perfect to endure the reason why the lord placed my request on hold to the date ! My mother and i only asked but god was preparing me to fit perfectly with my soul mate!