Ugly Feelings

I might smile I might agree that you're cool I may even act like I enjoy having you around But I think that I hate you I don't really hate you, I hate what you've done You've stolen my joy and you've taken my fun What used to be mine, now is yours The place I once held, now you hold It's all about you now and I'm sick of it I could almost hate you for that I want to scream in your face I want to tell you that I despise what you've done I almost wish you didn't exist Or lived some indescribable distance away never to be seen But you're too nice Too polite Too too So I can't do any of these things And I hate feeling this way Feeling so incredibly jealous of you Not being happy for another's happiness Wanting to let myself hate you I know I'm pathetic, disgusting, So I try to hold it all inside But it doesn't work very well I want desperatley to run away Then at least I could leave behind Instead of being left behind But there is no where to go I could almost hate you But it's not really you that I hate If it were anyone else in your place it would be the same I just hate the change I hate feeling that I'm losing something that belonged to me Something I never would have given up willingly But I know now, it was never mine What do I own? Not my best friend Not the time we spent together Not the choice of who she spends her time with now Not her love The memories I own only the memories And in the end, that is all I'm left with.