Tofurkey

After all these many carnivore years You can call it guilt or you can call it fear I've made up my mind to decide I'm going vegan this November time So I broke down hard and read some books Heard some tapes on what it took From veggies steamed to veggies raw From beans of green to yellow squash As my nightly dreams were all filled with meat I pushed back hard with collard greens But still had no clue of what to do With a turkey substitute And that is when a friend came in Who Tofu's the line at turkey time So I read more books and heard more tapes On Tofu fried, boiled, broiled, and baked Opening up my kitchen to fine cuisine Minus the best part...that being meat As I promised myself I can make this work My Tofurkey would be the finest in edible art I had bought my Tofu by the pound Lucky for me it is pliable As I stretched and pulled and pulled and stretched Until I had something that looked like a head With my artistic abilities seriously in doubt I'm pretty sure what I conjured was the head of a cow So I pulled and stretched and stretched and pulled No ones going to call me an abstract fool As I bring to boil the "Rodin" juices in me And baste at my skills repeatedly Where I come up with a turkey, giblets and all And just for good measure I gobble a turkey call Of course cooking the thing is another road and I sadly lost Tofurkey 1, 2, and 3 in the explosion When 4 hit the score I invited my friends Whose friendship with them will take time to mend Just because a turkey looks like a turkey, don't mean that it is I'm now learning all this while I clean up the mess As forks went to the mouths at the very same time So did the retching along with the crying But in a month they'll forget this entire sordid ordeal When they get the invites for my Christmas holiday meal With my time in the books and tapes I will spend Looking forward to Christmas and a delicious soy bean ham