Time Elapsed

All those years flew away for nothing. Then of course the headaches started when weeping constantly at the unfairness of my marriage. You need to know that I didn't love him but I cherish the family we've created, you, my children are the center of my life. My hardships coping with my authoritarian husband drove us apart. I started drifting away to avoid being at his mercy . I couldn't help myself to get around those roadblocks that at the time deprived me from walking through a new path of change. I was stalling even in my silence, aware of all the deceptions that had come to characterize my life. I had learned the hard way to stay calm and pretend that I didn't sense what was happening to me, and let time do its magic. I wore this mask for so long I didn't feel safe without it exposing my true identity, it had to remain hidden . I stopped blaming myself as I was able to survive my pain over the years. Time has elapsed and done everything to diminish my anxiety and eventually allow my soul to heal. I cannot tolerate seeing myself weep anymore. I started genuinely enjoying every thought that passed by, ready to feed myself with knowing I would not repeat the same mistakes. I ended up riding this roller coaster of emotions feeling everything. I was able to survive the pain when I was at the bottomless despair. My walks alone under the blazing stars, imagining and wishing I would never see him again, craving my marriage to become a memory . I started feeling that I found my silence smoothed my inner anger, my passion has been real despite my original skepticism. Walking towards my cottage I knew there'd been a reason for it. Somehow though the wilderness enhanced the beauty around my cottage garden, the clouds were getting thicker and darker, running inside towards my refuge, I realized that I liked being in control of my own life. At Last. Therese Bacha 13 October 2014