Three Messengers

Old and ugly and well married is the visage that I carry, and yet, there is another world that keeps opening up its magic door. It sends me notes and emissaries that I could be, I should be much more than what I am. The first message, that I was aware of came to me in the high desert where I sat Walden-like by a pool trying to get back to the source, I'm told, is within us all. Suddenly I saw a flurry a mile across the valley floor, a point took flight and became a mystic preying mantis that picked my shoulder as a perch. Mid day church bells rang at that moment and I watched the sound reverberate shaking bushes and trees down the valley, scattering birds and small animals. Yet the mantis on my shoulder calmly sat, cocked its head, and in its eyes there was a question. I replied to the mantis' query that "I was old and ugly and well married and I am simply not quite ready, but keep the offer open and I will be ready soon." After a month of worrying that perhaps I had gone too far, in refusing to go through an open door, I summoned it again. Right there in my backyard I heard a flurry and found a grasshopper perched where you had perched before. The question in its eyes left no doubt it again was you. I replied that I just wanted to make sure that the offer you had proffered still was mine to take. You flew away as I explained that "I was old and ugly and well married and simply still not quite ready but keep the offer open, and I'll be ready soon." Years went by and I forgot the magic, indeed, avoided magic. I went to a marriage yesterday, I sat alone, away from the others, on a bridge, by a pond, amongst tall pines and redwoods. I thought again of the mystic mantis. Suddenly you were there. You came out of a crowd of happy guests and crossed into my solitary space. You touched my shoulder and my hand and kept it there for the fastest hour. We talked about nature and books we had both read, the giant puppets you made, and about things I'd never tell a stranger. I looked into your eyes and realized that we had met at least twice before and saw the familiar offer. In my mind I pleaded for more time because I am old and ugly and well married, but please, please keep the offer open because I'll be ready soon. Suddenly you were gone.