The Rabbit Hole

not just the weather is unbalanced i, as well am out of sorts it’s not just the weather that is making people uneasy i tend to do that as well because more often than not, my mind is numb and my thoughts are heavy but it might just be the throbbing headache that always seems to linger inside of me why do i find myself dwelling on my every move interrogating myself until i cry? i guess i’m far beyond gone and no one’s come to my terms yet but everyone around me are rocks weighing me down and i feel like i’m at the bottom of a dark ocean filling my lungs up with water as i scream for someone, anyone, to dive under and keep me up. but why have i found myself sitting in the shower at 10:30 at night letting the scalding water hit my face, burning me, as i paralyze myself inside my head and time seems to follow the steam out the window and i can see the rabbit going down his hole laughing about the clock that is my life, but i’m pretty sure i caught myself laughing as well. and i found myself with a craving for being better for everyone else, and it’s sparked a longing to be better for myself, a longing for making my hands stop quivering, and a yearning to balance myself out i find myself in the dark too often but at least the dark isn’t a void that continues to petrify me much like my own mind tends to do these days