Sweet Suffocation

I'm drowning and no one is around to save me. The water is filling my lungs and muffling my voice so my screams go unheard. you're the brick tied to my ankles and I can't get the knots untied. I can't even get them loose. I can hear the voices above the water telling me it will be okay without your hands to pull me back up and I just don't believe them. "I just don't want you to slip back to the way you were" my mother says, but the slip was inevitable my head is already under the water the salt is burning my eyes. all I wanted was to save you from your own hurricane of depression and your absence just feels like a failure, like having my heart ripped from my chest and shown to me with pride like you've accomplished something of great value. it's like your saying "it's not enough but I'm taking it with me anyway." you promised. you promised that the sea would not even be in site this time around. you promised that it would be different. instead of violent waves we'd have clear sky's and mountain views. Yet here we are again and we are getting to the part where you stop seeing the blue and everything is turning to black. But I will find comfort in the darkness the way I always do. because I'd do anything, even drowned, for you.