Stimulation: Rage-Guilt That Overflows

I was in the dumps; but as of right this instant, I'm flabbergasted by my brother's random actions and my weird interactions to be exact...great - messages have stimulated my phone... Zzzzzzz the buzz was coming from my phone I'm on my own, but not alone I had and have friends (friends of the past and present), but many consisted of online friends and that makes me feel ashamed oddly as if I'm enlightened by an occasional poverty ad I can't stop the flawless flawed of J W Earnings...I'm stimulated by the devotion of putting forth my notions on my cellphone notepad... I assure you... That I'm entering the brink of insanity in poet mode Who knew... That I'd be in my torture chamber of alienated ambitions...alone in this cell of hell...I think? This is my audacious ode Overthinking too much...take me to a sheltering Heath...an abode that's for the sake of my brief relief... Feeling dizzy and tired - fatigued much these days? My gums bleed because they are sensitive due to the teeth of what's above or beneath (not taking responsibility to what I do by placing the blame on others) Provoked to anger like a bulldog in chains that's seeing what's on the other side of the barbed-wire wall...the crack reveals a skunk that's being a tease - she's not a victim to the predator of the neighborhood... How the dog hated her naughtier nature in many who's-top-dog ways The result to my abominations is guilt that overflows Lost energy by the lack of blood in my body of unique joy like no other...as if no one knows...(feeling like no one knows what I go through) Shame on me and shame on you... Trusting in you was a dismissed lust (trust that fades) Everything we had is gone from our reach...but don't speak - stay silent as I'll tell you some more of what I've gone through I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself - I remember my mom used to say "BOO-HOO"! Frightened by the protective dog that corners me, the skittish cat I'm captive in your heart, But I'm tearing apart By the seams of shame from the start I'll be free; just leave me be, for I'm a bold work of abstract art Stuck in place Free in space... I remember your lucky-you grace (a grace that I once envied) A writeous (a righteous writer) face of fatigued disgrace has formulated my character altogether...my spirits of optimism descended unfortunately (my high hopes went ground-low sadly) Brew me a coffee of fleedom (a freedom to flee to a far-off place), for I've been tortured and burned by the embers of obscurity I was a risk-taker long ago...my companion foe I still can be that way if I just never give up like a failure I was an independent friend to you and I should've relied on you for some help I know... Apparently, these hardships are hard to endure - they do more good than injure Relieved that you understand where my airplane of thought lands That I have been in the shadows of the deep For so long, so hear me out and see where I stand...steady my shaking hands This hill of hardship is steep, but I ain't gonna be led astray by the tragedies in my past that make me wanna weep