I spin the wheel of time,
in hopes of returning again,
to an infant stage of my life,
of false hope too plenty to explain.
I’ve cast my three free wishes,
to a fabled Genie I’ve cried.
I’ve asked him to release me,
from this guilt and suffering inside.
I’ve tossed a million pennies,
into a fountain of youth I plead,
to return me to that delicate era,
planting mother and daughter’s seed.
I’ve carried this white rabbit’s foot,
in a pocket of grief and regret.
Searching my hatred for salvation,
for motherly deeds I’ll never forget.
I’ve searched the meadows and found,
as many four-leaf clovers I could collect,
longing for eternal retribution,
for the scars and injuries that infect.
I’ve went to see the Wizard,
and begged for another chance,
to be a young mother to my daughter,
for her heart to forever sing and dance.
But sadly nothing changed,
the hands of time don’t stop.
They won’t reverse into the past,
because of an age you wish to swap.
Disappointed and frustrated,
I fell to my knees to pray,
for the sins of guilt and suffering,
that plaque my life every day.
And as I felt like giving up,
I heard Him say to me…..
Don’t try to reverse past history,
who you are now, is who you should be.
* Just a wish to reverse time, and go back to when I gave birth to my first daughter, at such a young age. Knowing what I do now, I could have been a better mother, and more focused on motherhood, than myself. The guilt of "not being there more" for her has plagued me every day of my life. Though I can't reverse the past, I could never love her more than I do......she's amazing.
Copyright © Stacy Stiles