School

I just want to sit and sleep without stress. Then after, I want to get up and go walk in the woods and sit by the stream or in the stream or climb a tree and sit over the stream and then I want to take out my notebook and I want to write about everything, nothing, or something. I want to draw. I want to sit and think about everything and nothing simultaneously. Then I want to watch the animals, the trees, the sky... and learn about it without a teacher reading a script and showing me pictures while I sit in a cold classroom with lights that are too bright. I want to go on adventures, I want to learn from experiences, not from failed tests and long essays. And then I want to go meet up with my friends and family and explain to them all that I've learned, show them my drawings, writings, and thought. Not through stressful homework assignments that take hours on end without sleep or socializing so that I can get an A+ and a smiley face sticker from a teacher that matches everyone else's, just to forget the information 30 minutes after the exam is over as I cry silently to myself because I have another exam in an hour that will decide my future. Crying because no teacher or adult will listen to me when I scream for help because 'all teens are stress' and because 'others have it worse' and because "I shouldn't be complaining when my grades are so good'. Crying because I'm nothing more than a teenager unable to make decisions for myself.. too shy to order my own meal when out to dinner.... yet I must decide who and what I will be for the rest of my life.