Santa's Last Run

T'was the night before Christmas and Santa was ailing His joints were so sore his eyesight was failing He fretted about making rounds for the kids as his aging old body was down on the skids He'd turned diabetic from eating too hearty And tipping the bottle at the elves Christmas party The gout in his toe was really a pain And the threat of Dementia would drive him insane Being a senior and driving a sleigh Meant there were few rest stops through earth's milky way A sickness of motion and firey heartburn Didn't sit well old Santa would learn Flying a sleigh after eating too well Would cause Santa's poor belly to grumble and swell As for his heart the elves constant bicker Had taken a toll on Santa's poor ticker His blood pressure was high from Mrs. Claus nagging When he slept on the couch she accused him of lagging His son Santa Jr. would take up the route Next year in his Dad's altered red and white suit So a bedraggled old Santa climbed into the sleigh to make his last delivery On this Christmas Day And they heard him declare as the sleigh rose up higher Merry Christmas to all I can't wait to retire!