Sadness Waits

Today is Christmas past 12/26 Depression seems to be ever circling me like a shark in the deep wanting to devour me with one bite. It has been years since I felt happy. Can't even remember when i have really felt happiness. I fake it, but I know everyone KNOWS... They know....some know because they feel the same way. Others know because they are happy and know I am not. They read my fake smile like a lie detector or life detector. With all good there is an equal bad side effect it seems. Ever noticed that? I love animals and they are so sweet. but right now the cat box i just cleaned is stinking so bad to gag me. I just emptied it today also. If I paint craft items which I love; I get paint on my shirt or the couch. Never fails. Just a couple of examples of the good bad distribution of life events. Babies are so precious but they cry, keep us up at night, poop etc. God forbid if they have some illness.... then things happen. unexpected things. like lose my health. Lose health, lose money, lose job, possibility of lose family. Gain sadness.